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Aunty Bella: Miss. Can’t Choose



dreamstime_l_50612042Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

Dear Aunty Bella,
I am at a crossroad in making an important decision and I need advice before I take any further steps.
My story is this; I have various male friends and a lot of them like me but that isn’t the issue. My issue is with 3 specifically.
Man A likes me very much. He has liked me for so many years and he respects me as a lady and as an individual. He has the qualities I’ve always wanted. He ticks the boxes well expect maybe he could be taller. I enjoy his company and our conversations always make me smile. My only issue is that, I don’t have feelings for him. I don’t like him like that. I’ve tried to see if the feelings would grow but nothing. I talk with him but that is it. I’ve even tried to imagine us together but the imaginations end up being blank.

Man B is a very close friend of mine. We’ve been very close for years and we have an unexplainable bond. We talk about everything to each other. I mean, everything- things we don’t tell anyone else. His own issue now is that he has a girlfriend. Not just that, it is pretty serious. We have never talked to each other about our feelings at all. I feel like he has and probably still likes me but he is not saying so because of his present commitment and because he has passed comments in the past about him knowing I don’t see him in that manner. On my own part, I’ve never said anything to him about how I feel either. That would not be womanly. The friendship has been platonic until when I started catching feelings which I think he has had and tried to indirectly say in the past. He also thinks that I deserve the best and that person is someone better than him. I don’t want to ruin his relationship that has brewed for many years even though it has had its issues but a lot of people who know us think we make a perfect match and would end up together. But when would that be?

Man C is also a close friend of mine. We have been friends for many years too. I am free with him and can say anything and do anything with him. I like him and we are just great friends. He understands me too. The problem is we have different views in life and our religions are not really the same. If not, it would have been ok.
Please which man do I go for? And what do I do? There are others but these 3 stand out clearly. I know some people may say none but these 3 are good options because no one in life is perfect. I need advice guys. I’ve prayed about it and I felt like I could get some good advice on here. Please don’t judge or insult me. I just really need to know what steps to take next. Help me out.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime


  1. Kelechi

    February 24, 2016 at 4:43 am

    You only have one option, and that will be A. Stop trying to feel fly, by thinking you have a choice. Infact the A option, have K leg. Because he might be using you to test his wooing skills, till he finds the one. I will advise you to try and become sth more, rather than hoping for sth that never was.

    • Mz_danielz

      February 24, 2016 at 9:25 am

      Thank you oh.

      Man B has a girlfriend and all those ‘you deserve someone better’ are normal lines. If he likes you, he will ask you.

      Man C is just a friend you are very free with.

      I don’t understand where the babe saw her three options oh

    • Edith

      February 24, 2016 at 10:09 am

      Every time become sth more. Sth more my arse

    • Toke

      March 1, 2016 at 3:37 pm

      Listen to the podcast about how to know he is the one.

    • Toke

      March 1, 2016 at 3:37 pm

  2. Rito

    February 24, 2016 at 5:55 am

    As far as I’m concerned, none of these men have come forward and asked u out so if I was you, I would not assume anything. You don’t really have options like u think u do. I agree with kelechi that A sounds like it, but only if he comes clean. Don’t make any first step and then when things go south, he’ll say he never really asked u out or wanted this in the first place. B has a girlfriend and is moving forward with his life so that is out of the question and you are incompatible with C so that is a recipe for disaster. My advice is, live your life, and by this I mean try your best to accomplish your dreams whether it’s going to school, getting that job, volunteer, etc.. Go out with your girlfriends, spend time with your family, work out, go to and get involved in church, go to gym, yoga, whatever rocks your boat etc..get busy and productive with your life, be open minded, pray and let people know you’re single and searching. You never know where you’ll meet bae.. I met mine on the train.. The reason why I’m telling you to get busy is so that with or without bae, you won’t feel empty or come off as desperate and you can be a better and happier person which will attract men who want you. Good luck

  3. Spunky

    February 24, 2016 at 6:30 am

    Can’t you just go with your instincts? No one on BN knows more about these guys than you do (irrespective of the traits you dished about them). You see them, you read their expression and only you can make this decision my dear. Good luck!

  4. miss B

    February 24, 2016 at 6:58 am

    pls i also have a situation and i dont know the email to send it to .pls can anybody help on how to post my issue to aunty bella .thank you.
    To d writermy situation is also similar to urs but i will say give it time and pray more about it .it cud be mr B cus i tink u lyk him more but pls dont throw urself at him make him fight for u if he really have feelings for u.

  5. Cee

    February 24, 2016 at 7:06 am

    Isnt it ironic how we ladies always like guys that are not available either emotionally or otherwise? Thats part of the reason we end up heartbroken and single cos a good man can be staring at us in the face but its the tall, handsome, bearded guy who either has a girlfriend or is a player that we will be catching feelings for. From what i read, she has feelings for Man B who is in a relationship more than the others. Babygirl pray to God, focus on building yourself and get busy. The right man will come along when the time is just right. am not sure he is among the three guys you listed here.

  6. Tolu

    February 24, 2016 at 7:09 am

    You can go for option B since he has not proposed to his babe yet. Just hijack him because it’s a fair game as one stupid nigga said here few days ago. Someone who hasn’t spent 5 years in marriage and he’s giving unrealistic marriage advice.

    • @BlaqKhaleesi

      February 24, 2016 at 8:35 am

      Oh My!!!! Your sarcasm is top-notch!

  7. Grown Woman

    February 24, 2016 at 7:20 am

    lets take B and C out of the equation and you are left with A i think take it slow and get to know him even closer and will eventually like him. Do not rush or pressurize yourself for being single…this is the time to do things that make you happy and Mr Right will find his way to you.All the best

  8. Cindy

    February 24, 2016 at 7:30 am

    My dear you don’t have a problem. I feel you thinking they like you is all in your head. My advice for you is to stay away from all 3 of then and look outside the box. There plenty men out there. It is obvious you like B but I would not advice you to try to get him to like you when he is in a serious relationship. Would never do that to a fellow woman and I’m sure it would hurt if someone else did that to you. So stay away. Forget all this best friend nonsense. There are many ladies who make very good friends too. Just be open-minded about it.
    Let me just add, even though I wouldn’t advice it for reasons best known to me, you telling a guy how you feel about him or not doesn’t make you more or less womanly. Now outrightly asking a guy out is a whole different ball game. Not bad but also not advisable.

  9. Puzzles

    February 24, 2016 at 7:44 am

    From what you wrote, I can’t see any proof that any of them have asked you out or told you outright that they like you in a romantic way.

    Just in case, speaking from my own experience, don’t make such assumptions. I did once for a friend I really liked and thought he liked me that way only for me to end up looking like a fool. While I was busy catching feelings and seeing chemistry, he was in a sexual relationship with someone I knew.

  10. Kk

    February 24, 2016 at 7:44 am

    You’re confused. Having feelings for someone you know is a serious relationship makes your case Confusion+. You don’t need any advice, what you need is God.

  11. poison ivy

    February 24, 2016 at 8:01 am

    “Please which man do I go for? And what do I do”………….
    Judging from the epistle you wrote for Man B, that’s who you fancy more bah, i see right through you girl.
    For a guy who is in a relationship, OYO is your case, but am a believer of overtaking, do you have the tenacity then by all means “Go for it”.
    Just have it mind that it’s a tricky “something ooooooo”.
    Good luck to you.

  12. Daizzy

    February 24, 2016 at 8:05 am

    But none has openly asked you out to be his girlfriend/woman so where are the options? Or are we missing something?

    Women be creating castles in their heads! See till a man comes out and says, Miss I Can’t Choose, I would love us to be exclusively in a relationship, Aunty never assume oh! Because you have good conversations with a man/you have a connection with a man, doesn’t mean he wants to commit to you. As far as I’m concerned your issue is a no-brainer.

  13. Tosin

    February 24, 2016 at 8:05 am

    oyinbo man will say: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
    enjoy your life, nobody said you had to choose A, B, or C.
    if/when the need develops, you’ll know.

  14. King Bey

    February 24, 2016 at 8:13 am

    Madam none of this guys have come out openly to tell you they want to date you or they are digging you…biko get busy and stay on ur lane,when you meet the right person you would knw

  15. Great Lady

    February 24, 2016 at 8:16 am

    My dear lady, leave all three men alone. You don’t like A so don’t force it. Option B is in a relationship, with option C you guys are not compatible. Just trust God to bring the one you’ll love,who is available and who you’re compatible with.

  16. King Bey

    February 24, 2016 at 8:16 am

    Madam none of these guys have come out openly to tell you they want to date you or they are digging you…biko get busy and stay on ur lane,when you meet the right person you would knw


    February 24, 2016 at 8:19 am

    I am really confused right now and I need BN readers to kindly offer their advices. Thanks.
    There’s this guy who’s being asking me out for the past 3years, he’s a good man and very loyal, unfortunately I do not love him neither do I like him. But my parents, pastors and mentors all like him and they think I will be making a big mistake if I refuse him. I had always rejected him but I’ve started considering him because all the guys that I like always walk out of my life.
    My question is should I marry this guy?

    • Halima

      February 24, 2016 at 10:36 am

      Yes, marry him and be in a loveless marriage because your pastor, parents and mentor like him.

    • Niyoola

      February 24, 2016 at 11:55 am

      Is the man going to spend the rest of his life with you or with your parents and pastor. After marriage now, you’ll be sending letter to Aunty Bella to help fix your marriage…….. abi chronicles to SDK
      If you want to marry for ‘marrying-sake’, so that you can be a Mrs Somebody, then go ahead. Marriages where both parties LOVE each other have issuesn talkless of you tht doesnt even LIKE him

  18. nnennaya

    February 24, 2016 at 8:19 am

    Sweetheart u dnt have a problem u just want to share your illusions with us thanks for sharing .oya wake up its morning!

  19. ACE

    February 24, 2016 at 8:21 am

    Hmmmm interesting . Nobody here can actually tell you the one to go with coz you know them better. I suggest you stick to your instincts deep down you know who you want okay…. Pray tho

  20. beebee

    February 24, 2016 at 8:40 am

    It just shocks me how this girl has opened up to all these guys about her life, and can do anything with some of these guys, I wonder what secret or sacred thing she can keep to herself and hold for her future husband so one day he feels special, but apart from that she doesn’t feel like a life sharing whore. imagine one day, one of some of these guys use that information to embarrass you in front of your future husband.
    geez, and it sounds like she feels hot, like “hmm am all that I have so many guys after me” not girl, you are easy to impress, close your self up and preserve whatever is left in your mouth, head about yourself to the man who puts a ring on it.

  21. Hotspice_yimu

    February 24, 2016 at 9:35 am

    wakey wakey. its all in your head. these are not your options. You have an active imagination though. Stop thinking about them and spending time with them cos it is dangerous to your real life situation.

  22. Help me choose

    February 24, 2016 at 9:45 am

    Hello all.
    Thanks for the advice so far. I’m finding it useful.
    Just to say, Man A and Man C have both asked me out. Thanks.
    Beebee, there are different kinds of friendship and when i say i have told them everything, its because they are my genuine friends and i trust them. And i’m not stupid so when I say everything, its in a context.

    • Debutante

      February 24, 2016 at 10:23 am

      I choose Man A for u


      February 24, 2016 at 10:59 am

      Ok man A and C have both asked u out…. Biko forget about man B; let him face his relationship ff many years no matter what he tells u.
      My question is:
      Before i proceed, may i ask, how old are u? Are u in your 20 s or 30s? Level of reasoning is also an important factor.
      1) Young lady, do u realize that many women fast and sleep in church for MONTHS just to have someone like man A.???? Read Aunty Bella stories of women complaining about what their hubbies make them go thru . Oh well, since you say it’s always “blank” when u try to picture two of you together, don’t waste this charming young man’s time, then.

      Don’t come jealousying and crying here realizing you are not indispensable (even if he toasted u for so long) when he eventually finds happiness with another girl o. I have seen (and continue to see) so many cases like yours. God brings into your life blessings in disguise. GOD ALWAYS DISGUISES HIS BLESSINGS FOR YOUR INFO. For some flimsy reason, you by-pass or underlook the blessing only to realize (but too late) it’s your loss. Don’t come shouting man-snatching here please!

      2) If you are SURE you are ok and can handle all the differences Man C has to offer, Why not? Sometimes differences can spice up a relationship if they are used to complement/enrich each other and WHEN ONE DOES NOT TRY TO FORCE his./her difference(s) on the other party. You get the best of both “worlds”. Right now, man C is all over you. Are you sure HE WILL NOT TRY TO FORCE HIS WAY OF THINKING ON YOU AFTER YOU GET TOGETHER ???? Please, do not overlook that. People always try to look their best during coutship and promise even the moon because they want to catch the one they love, but tend to show their true colors ONCE THEY OBTAIN WHAT THEY WANT. Fortunately, it doesn’t happen in all cases. The advantage of being with someone different is that you hardly get bored and you make interesting discoveries.

      Conclusion: Do not pressure yourself unnecessarily trust in God, do not instruct Him on how to choose the one for you. Remember what the Lord told Samuel when he went to anoint David as king “Man looks at the APPEARANCE but I look at the HEART. ” Always keep that in mind. In due time, God knows how He will convince your heart that’s he ‘s the one OR NOT!!!

      The conclusion above applies both to Man A and C.

  23. sonique

    February 24, 2016 at 10:28 am

    Lie that you have kidney failure. anyone who is ready to give his kidney is the one since you are REALLY confused. mtschewwww…you are making male friends here and there and liking them here and dear, your love abi likeness hormone is confused….. know your limit with male friends and get yourself a boo since you have a dozen of ‘he is my best friend and we talk about everything” that way, you don’t get to want more from them.

  24. Jay Jay

    February 24, 2016 at 10:36 am

    How about the guys you’ve placed in the FRIENDZONE? There are so many eligible guys around you yet you have FRIENDZONED them. Start considering or give one of them the chance and i’m sure you won’t regret it.

  25. papermoon

    February 24, 2016 at 10:36 am

    I CANT CHOOSE, non of them is your ideal guy thats why you cant choose. If your ideal guy were there, you would have no problems choosing. Enjoy the friendships.

    In any case people, today i need help ooo. I started wearing waist trainers and GOOOD…THEY IIITCH. How do I reduce the itching. Please dont tell me to stop wearing them because i also want some of that “finger”.. help a sister out please (pinching the waist trainer to scratch the itch on my stomach..)

    • changing moniker

      March 13, 2016 at 5:29 pm

      They itch something fierce. My advise… Don’t wear it next to your skin.. Wear an inner cloth.. Shimi, singlet, tank top, anything before you put on the waist trainer.

  26. Halima

    February 24, 2016 at 10:42 am

    Why do women complicate their lives? If you don’t love Mr A please leave him alone. Why going into a relationship without deep feelings? . According to you, you have known him for years and yet there is no feeling. Why planning to do something that doesn’t come from your heart? Eh? Why?

  27. 27 going on 28, single girl

    February 24, 2016 at 11:40 am

    But for real, how do you do I meet new people in this Lagos? Cos I am tried! I haven’t had a serious toaster since 2014, right now I am not thinking boyfriend again I have prayed and believe I will have my own boo someday. For now I just feel I need to make new friends (guys and girls)… I keep saying I will break out of my regular routine of work, tv and sleep but I don’t even know where to start from.

    I love to look good, and most people I meet never believe I am single. The other day my colleague was saying I look high maintenance and she is scared to hook me up with her bf’s friends cos of that. Some guy I used to hang out with too said the same thing, that I look high maintenance. The irony is that I can never ask a guy for money, my ex got me a few gifts but I never asked him for anything, he just had the sense to.. I know the difference between my needs and wants and i make sure that I can provide my needs at any time.

    The truth is I love the good things in life, I do fresh nails every month and refill in 2 weeks, I buy new weave every other time, my bad habits include shopping online (till this recent dollar increase, you see why I’m so bored), I love to buy clothes and shoes!!!! In my defense it is my money, I don’t have children I am taking care of and I do not have family responsibilities. I know my spending habit is bad cos towards the end of the month my account gets red and I stay calm (story for another day, I am working on this) till the next pay day. Don’t get me wrong ooo! I am not a Hermes bag carrying Balmain dress wearing chick, I mostly shop Asos and Boohoo, I also do Aq/Aq for special occasions, in fact most of my work shoes are from ‘New look’. So this issue of high maintenance really confuses me.

    Oh and I forgot to add I am light-skinned, and 1 or 2 (or more) people have said I look like a runs girl. To be sincere many years back I used to have a lot of married man as toasters, and yes I chopped their money- ‘thanks for coming’ (God forgive me), at some point I did fasting and prayer about this matter and it drastically reduced. So when people say I look like a ‘kept’ girl I just shake my head and be like ‘you don’t even know the half of it’…. I can confidently say that in the last 3 years all my spendings are my personal money and from family.

    In the peak of when having a boyfriend was a do or die affair for me, I started using Sheabutter so I can get darker (so stupid!) lol, after about 2 months and still no serious toaster I quickly out grew the stupidity and continued taking good care of my skin.

    Anyways, so after years of no serious toaster (boyfriend is reaching), the few female friends I have in lagos are either married or busy with their boyfriends, I am bored!!!!
    So back to my issue, how do I meet new people in this Lagos/ make friends and perhaps meet my own boo? I am actually a very lively person and I love to gist and hang out, still don’t know how my life got boring slowly….

    Please help! Sister above that has 3 you can borrow me 1……

    • Zarah baby loke loke

      February 24, 2016 at 12:18 pm

      Ehen hang out like every weekend……..movies, beach, weddings, parties, …
      Then attend a youth dominated church.
      Don’t push it sha soooon lines wee fall in pleasant places.
      for the lady indecisive you haven’t met the right person when you do you ‘ll be so sure and positive you won’t need us to help you in deciding

    • Niyoola

      February 24, 2016 at 12:59 pm

      I’m not even going to decieve you, go to church! Any church will do. Anglican Baptist Methodist have vibrant youth groups; pentecostal churches have more young people, but you are more likely to find a ‘bad’ boy in a pentecostal church….. if u know what I mean.
      Plenty guys re also going to church to look for booty calls, so shine your eyes o. But, most christian young people go to church on Sundays. Try going for the youth (dating, sex etc) programmes also. Avoid RangeRover key toting individuals at church o, #DemonsinChurch. Also avoid anyone who wants to show you another level of ‘grace’


    • Jay Jay

      February 24, 2016 at 2:00 pm

      Myself, I’m looking for new friends both male and female. Can we be friends? @27 going on 28, single girl 😉

    • Jay Jay

      February 24, 2016 at 2:05 pm

      Myself, I’m looking for new friends both male and female. Can we be friends? @27 going on 28, single girl 🙂

    • 27 going on 28, single girl

      February 24, 2016 at 2:24 pm

      Hi jay Jay, yes please ?Any ideas how we can connect, can you drop your emai?

    • Mystery

      February 25, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      Hello this is your next new friend!! Paste an email to contact you. Lol


      February 25, 2016 at 11:16 pm

      25 going on 26 here. moving back to Lagos in 2 months, and looking for new female friends, as my main chicks are now too busy with their relationships (happy for them, I can’t wait to be in a committed relationship too), but recently i have just been wondering who i will be hanging out with when i return to gidi..
      If you really are a very lively person that loves to gist, maybe we could hook up. I haven’t made a new friend in over 5 years though, so this may be awks, but anyway my email is – [email protected]

  28. Ryam

    February 24, 2016 at 11:40 am

    I will tell you my own experience, Let’s start with Mr C,you are from different backgrounds and religion, my advice, dats not a choice, I hv been in dat situation lied to my self our love was enough, after years in relationship, we decided to end it, you don’t need family problem from both sides ur own and his own, Mr A, if you hv tried to love him and it is not working, don’t force yourself, you will end up on disappointment, I hv been dere too, after breaking up with kind of ur Mr C, I moved to ur kind of Mr A, he was sweet, same background, and all but I didn’t love him at all, I tried but I failed and bcoz da pressure was much I married da guy, you know what it didn’t last even two years, he wasnt a bad guy but he is not perfect, he has his weakness, small problem I reacted like he has killed someone, why coz I didn’t love him at all,I beleive if you love someone you can bear alot from him, but if you don’t it’s real a problem, dere must be atleast a little love not bcoz he is nice.
    Mr B, as you hv said you guys are close, dat means you can know his feelings to his girlfriend how deep he is connected to her, if he is real into his girlfriend, just be patient you will find you are own, if he is not dat deep, n you know he has feeling for you, you can try, as he is not married, if he is married I will say don’t break someone’home, it is sin to do so, as long as he is not, anyone is eligible for him, dere is nothing wrong to try, you will never know what God has planned for you and him, if he is urs, you will know, if he is not, God will give ur own, just be patient and trust him, don’t allow any pressure to make wrong decision.

  29. Rrrrrrrr

    February 24, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    i think you created your predicament. being friends with guys is a major blow and the question you should be asking yourself is which one actually asked you out? i mean really asked you out? like date wise and be my gf wise? left to me , none of them is an option. all four of you have just been in an emotional relationships. move on , find someone else.

  30. Silky

    February 24, 2016 at 1:39 pm

    This is the best and only advice for you lady:Great Lady February 24, 2016 at 8:16 am
    My dear lady, leave all three men alone. You don’t like A so don’t force it. Option B is in a relationship, with option C you guys are not compatible. Just trust God to bring the one you’ll love,who is available and who you’re compatible with.

  31. Jay Jay

    February 24, 2016 at 2:39 pm

    @27 going on 28, single girl, sure. Email add is : [email protected].

  32. tos

    February 24, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    Hey @27 going on 28 single girl….i also reside in lagos and as at now i am single and also working, if u wanna meet up we could hang out and turn outing buddies…lol.. If you re interested you can send me a mail on [email protected].

    Kind Regards.

  33. Jay Jay

    February 24, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    @27 going on 28, single girl, sure. Reach me on [email protected]

  34. Jay Jay

    February 24, 2016 at 3:02 pm

    @27 going on 28, single girl, sure. I’m not sure what’s happening in the comment section. I’ve posted several comments with my email add, yet it hasn’t been published :”( email add is richie _ rich205 @ yahoo . com Please ignore the spaces between the email address but maintain the underscore sign between the richie and the rich 😉


    February 24, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    I was hoping to send an aunty bella article along this line but mine is a bit more complicated. I have a boyfriend who i LOVE SO DEARLY,we are age mates but we both have striving careers(We are both 27 going on 28) . My only problem is that,we have been dating for over a year now and he isn’t really eager about marriage yet like i am,already told him the plan was to get married later this year but he said he wasn’t sure yet about settling this year but pleaded with me not to leave him. I saw this coming before we started dating but somewhere along the line,we fell in love (you can’t help who you fall in love with most of the time}. I love him so much and i know we we will be happy together cos he is such a WONDERFUL person with a good head on his shoulders.
    NOW THE PROBLEM!!! There ia a new bobo who i have known for a while now and dude is head over heels,he already told me upfront he wanted us to get married in six months once i agree to date him cos he knows for a fact i am his wife. He isn’t bad at all and we have the perfect age gap (he is 33) . I like him too but i haven’t allowed the feelings i ”might” have for him to fester or grow cos i am committed to someone else. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND dearly and can’t imagine myself with someone else ( he is my first everything) BUT at the same time,i have to be realistic. I am an only child and mumsy is already on my neck,not like that’s a reason for anything ( i don’t feel pressured) but i like to plan my life and at this point i need stability (i just feel i am grown past the boyfriend/girlfriend phase). I have been praying for direction but i am still confused cos i can’t bring myself to hurting my boyfriend as he has been so good to me and never given me a reason to cry or hurt in this rlshp. I just don’t know what to do!!!! Sorry for the epistle and any typos (too tired to proof read).

    • damseldam1

      February 24, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      hmmmmmm because the new bobo said you are his wife and he want to marry you in 6 months that’s why you accepted him? hmmm RED FLAG marriage is not a child’s play if you rush in then you will rush out. Also the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know. Have you asked you man why he’s not ready to setting down? i have this feeling that the new bobo is not genuine probably ssaw your desperation that’s why he’s saying all the right thing. Take your time dear, watch and pray.

    • feelingmyself

      February 24, 2016 at 9:50 pm

      Hun, you’re setting yourself up for your own personal disaster. I can fully relate to the pressures of getting married, however choosing a life-partner is such an important decision that you shouldn’t put a deadline to. Saying that your plan is to get married this year, really isn’t realistic if your partner isn’t ready. Trust me, you want a man who is absolutely ready and without a shadow of doubt about choosing you to be his wife. If you really love your boyfriend, please don’t look outside your relationship (Remember the 80 / 20 rule) Every man needs time to build their career so that they can take the responsibility being of a husband and father. But please don’t force your boyfriend into a marriage he isn’t ready for.

      About the new guy… There is always something fishy about a guy who wants to get married very quickly. That said, many people will advise you to “Shine Ya Eye” and go for the new one, but no one will follow you to your matrimonial home. So be wise, either leave your boyfriend and truly get to know this new guy (abeg, don’t start planning the wedding on the first few dates) or leave both guys and start dating someone who is ready for marriage but more interested in getting to know you and court you before popping the question.

  36. Honeycrown

    February 24, 2016 at 7:29 pm

    Look at you guurl feeling yourself at a crossroad and having multiple choices ?
    In my opinion, free the 3 of them but since you want us to choose, I will go with Man A (But the relationship will probably not work out because you don’t have feelings for him anyway)
    BTW, I did eenie meenie miney mo and Man A was the first pick so Man A it is!

  37. debrella

    February 25, 2016 at 11:10 am

    I also have the same challenge with the poster although in a different way.
    I grew up with a couple males and of course we are childhood friends. As years went by I relocated to Lagos from Benin, because I got a job here. I am 32 years old and single .
    The problem now is , three of them from my previous location want my hand in marriage. which means if I marry any of them , I would need to relocate to Benin ( Which is the last thing I want to do because I have managed to build a career here in Lagos as an Accountant ).
    Also , non of them is willing to relocate to Lagos either because they claim life in Benin is easier than Lagos. Non of them have very stable jobs although they are all graduates.
    I am confused because I am not getting younger, but I always have the feeling that I cannot leave what I am certain of to what I am not, please I need advise.

  38. Luna

    February 25, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    Hey love, I have read and tried to understand, but all i can say to you is go to God in prayer, seek him and ask him if any of the above men you menshioned is the one he wants you to be with. Challenge God and see him be faithful to you. The day God made you, he made your husband, so take time , don’t rush and ask God trust me this will be a reliving matter to you because you wouldn’t like to spend the rest of your life with the wrong person. At the end of it all, look at it as a blessing and do not be disappointed if God gives you a diffrent revelation than expected. Good luck love.

  39. taee

    February 25, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    Omo wait for Mr D

  40. Ceeee

    February 26, 2016 at 6:29 am

    I am single, in lagos and in need of friends to hang out with. @tos, @27 going on 28,single girl, @jayjay. Can we be friends? Maybe we could hangout.

    • Jay Jay

      February 27, 2016 at 6:15 am

      @Ceecee, why not? please look for my email in the comment section and hit me up.

  41. Asher

    February 26, 2016 at 7:47 am


    I quite understand your desperation (I don’t use this word spitefully) but I noticed how you so did not “gush” about any of those guys. You see the other lady who talked about her “same age” boyfriend? ….now that’s gushing right there! You could see her love for the dude leaking through her post.

    You don’t love any of those childhood friends, and I think it’s just your desperation speaking that’s why you’re even remotely considering any one of them. It doesn’t take only love to keep and sustain a relationship/marriage but LOVE IS STILL VERY IMPORTANT. It’s a good thing that you’ve found a career line that you love – this is key, because it shows you’ve discovered yourself, you’ve discovered what I would assume God would have you do with yourself to please him and make you happy- Because of this – I believe your husband, the love of your life is closer than you think.

    Please don’t settle for less. Keep loving yourself, keep being the best that you can be (at work and other aspects), as hard as it is to believe – you didn’t come to this life to come and marry-so don’t allow any body make you feel incomplete because you’re not a “Mrs”. That said, it’s also normal to want to have a family and all that good stuff. So just keep trusting God. He will soon pick your call ☺

  42. Oby

    February 28, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    Go with Option D. None Of The Above. Point Blank Period!

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