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Gospel Singer Benita Okojie warns Women Not to Try to Change Men – “You’re not God”



Benita Okojie_Feb 2016Gospel singer Benita Okojie usually shares insightful captions on her Instagram page, and today, godly relationships was the hot topic.

She urges women to note they cannot change a man.

Dear Sister, understand that you’re not God. You can’t create any human so why then do you think you can change a man? Often times, women in love give excuses for why men treat them badly or have dangerous habits. Instead of leaving and praying for him from a distance. They stay and believe that they are agents of change.

Sometime ago, I was told a real life story of how a man changed his religion because he was in love. He started going to church, Even joined the work force just to get the lady’s attention. After he married her. He went back to his former religion and his old ways. The lady became miserable.

If a man is going to change. It should be for the right reasons and it is God that changes a man because if Truth be told, ask those who are married… they say love is not enough to keep a marriage but God is enough to keep a marriage and everything else! As I type this, Samson comes to mind. But that’s for another day.

#ThinkOnTheseThings #NoteToMySisters #Love #SuperHeroMentality #LoveAndItsConsequences #Relationship #GodlyRelationship

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  1. keke driver

    February 26, 2016 at 1:36 pm


    • jade

      February 26, 2016 at 7:00 pm

      @keke driver

      God gave us choices and a mind of our own. Only a ready man will let God change him. But if hes not willing, God will not force him.

    • Nahum

      February 26, 2016 at 8:10 pm


  2. Chidinma Inspirations

    February 26, 2016 at 1:56 pm

    She is more than right. Only God can cane a man or can change anybody. We daily pray to God to change us. We are still in the process of being better human beings not to talk of trying to change someone else.

    Quick question, you that is trying to change someone for the best have you changed yourself for the better or even for the best?

    People only change because they want to. If they change because you want them to, they are only pretending cos when you are not there, they will be whoever they want to be.

  3. low key movement

    February 26, 2016 at 1:59 pm

    without a doubt she’s right but i don tire!!! every time men this men that… men sha have suffered oh!!! lol

  4. Ch

    February 26, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    ***runs back to watch Osamudiamen video on YouTube***

    • Oma

      February 26, 2016 at 2:14 pm

      El O El


    February 26, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    At least Caro has FINALLY understood.

    • ATL's finest

      February 26, 2016 at 4:39 pm

      Who’s Caro? 🙂

    • Fashionista

      February 26, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      Caroline Danjuma na, Haba ATL’s finest, you’re normally always on point.

    • ATL's finest

      February 29, 2016 at 11:23 pm

      Lmao! Thanks dear ???Yes, it didn’t cross my mind that they meant Carolina Danjuma :).. Caro thru me off guide

  6. Precious

    February 26, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    I noticed my husband has some annoying behaviours. I have complained, nagged and then complained some more. The bulk being not spending time together and always going out on wkends.
    Upon my complaining, things havnt still changed, its even worse and its not driving a wedge between us, that all he now sees me as is smone dat is always complaining and always ready to fight. He rarely wants to spend time with me becos he feels I must bring up an argument.
    I had to just re-examine myself that my complaining isn’t helping d prolems at hand, but making it worse.
    All I do write now is just pray for him and pray for our relationship. I cant do anymore.

    • lotus flower

      February 26, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      Sorry to hear this. I really don’t understand why some married people want to go out without their spouse on weekends etc. Of course, all people should have their own identity, however, you are married! People itch to marry only to turn around and live like they’re single Have you suggested going out with him on the weekends? So you are sitting at home and he is out and about enjoying?? Some people.

    • DeeCee

      February 26, 2016 at 4:10 pm

      My father is the same way. My mum has complained and complained for over 21 years. It wasn’t till he was almost poisoned by a couple of his friends that he stopped going out as often. Sometimes he still strays but I commend my mother, she’s such a prayerful woman… me I cant. The thing is she saw the signs before she married him but somehow she felt having a family would change him, it didn’t. Now she feels like she has to live with her mistake because she’s bornagain and divorce isn’t in her books, I always try to make her happy as often as I can because I know its a heartbreaking experience for her.

    • meme

      February 27, 2016 at 2:46 am

      yup, my dad was the same.. man would leave us at home and call us to open the gate at 2-3am.. papameme where from ? knowing how thieves can just jump on you .. putting the family at risk! childhood was not easy..thank God we all left ..mumsi has peace now..

    • Md

      February 26, 2016 at 6:37 pm

      That is one major problem women have but Once you embrace change within yourself and rectify your faults and deal with your own personal demons,stop projecting it on others , change will come from outside ..wish you good luck

    • nene

      February 26, 2016 at 6:51 pm

      did he used to do this when you were dating?

    • chioma

      February 26, 2016 at 7:25 pm


      I’m sorry to hear that. My husband is literally opposite. He wants to be around me, hang out with me all the time. At some point I said, was he neglected as a child hence his attachment to me. His friends tease me saying na wa o, wetin u give him chop bcos he rarely hangs out with his boys since being married except for important events like birthday or weddings. During his lunch break at work, he calls to check on me and we gist small or sometimes i jokingly tell him. Do you have to call me every second. Now, that we have a baby, he’s even around more. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy hanging out with my husband. Infact, its flattering to me that he enjoys being around me and he makes me happy. But I’m somewhat a loner, i enjoy my alone time too. Before i got married, i can literally be in my room for days just doing whatever.
      Ok, let me stop complaining and go appreciate my love, ololufe mi and give him some special attention(today will be our own valentine day)

    • Grace

      February 26, 2016 at 8:41 pm

      I’m sorry dear, this your testimony is very tactless. Someone is complaining that her hubby isn’t spending time with her and you’re here glorifying your hubby and even had to @ her

    • Jade

      February 26, 2016 at 9:21 pm


      So, another person is not allowed to share her experience. Abeg, i liked chioma’s experience is different. Infact, im tired of the constant complaining bad behavior of men. You almost start to believe all men, husbands are evil. I like to hear something refreshing. God bless you Chioma and your hubby.

    • seriously

      February 26, 2016 at 10:24 pm

      Chima’s testimony is not tactless. Why do women have an attitude when another woman aint on the men bashing bandwagon. Geez, can we women talk about empowering ourselves outside of men.

    • Chioma

      February 27, 2016 at 2:16 am


      Im sorry, if i offend anyone. I didn’t mean to come off insensitive to many women going through difficult times like that. I was just tryinv to say my experience is opposite, didnt it will come off somehow

    • Anita

      September 3, 2016 at 7:10 am

      Stop gloating you said sorry in one line then went on to gloat for a whole paragraph. Be more sympathetic

  7. kate

    February 26, 2016 at 3:23 pm

    @ precious my hubby is also like that. We go to work and the kids go to school, and am home before 5pm. Hubby stays out after work till 10 or 11. And on weekends he is out from 1pm till 8 or 9pm. Then if he decides he is not stepping out on weekends he sleeps all through. I have told him I wnt bug u, what ever thing u have outside is not my business. But remember u have a family and a wife who needs ur attention too. People look @ us and say they want to be like us, but I laugh bcos I know what am going through.all I do is pray for him and hope that one day he changes his ways.

    • lmm

      February 26, 2016 at 10:06 pm

      I’m sorry but your husband is clearly cheating you!!!

  8. Emmy

    February 26, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    Please, let’s stop giving ourselves hope talks and all that. As much as we have tried to believe that somehow, somewhere there is some good in men, the end is always disappointment.
    It’ll be better to realise men are not good from the get-go. Nothing like change. It’ll never happen.
    I don’t know who can cancel marriage in Nigeria. It is useless.

  9. Nma

    February 26, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    @Kate, u sound like we married the same man. He is never available to his family. I don tire.
    But I just watch a movie, “War Room” . it spoke volumes. it shows that God alone can change him. I recommend u watch this and practice it. it will definitely solve our problems. All the best.

    • Chioma

      February 26, 2016 at 5:07 pm

      That movie is inspiring, how i wish everyone can see that movie and learn…we will have less broken homes.

  10. blue ivy

    February 26, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    hmmmmmm benita i use to know u when u were just a little girl who sings “i am a child of God” beautiful song indeed. now u are all grown to advice ur mothers on how to treat men? ikwa ………………………. nwa m wetin u know about men?

    • ATL's finest

      February 26, 2016 at 4:42 pm

      WTH??? ‘u use to know her when she was Lil’ but U DON’T know her anymore! That’s a grown woman now remember. Just bcuz she’s a gospel singer, doesn’t mean she’s a Reverend Sis. What does she know about men? She’s knows enough not to be stupid like some of y’all out there including U.
      @ Benita pls tell them again.. U can only change babies in Diapers.

    • Ewa

      February 26, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      Well blue Ivy. keep on blocking your mind by saying what does she know”. She might be a child but she’s passing a message to someone whether old or small. Always open your mind. You don’t know where something that might change a situation you are in will come from (could either be a child or an adult). Note: Talking generally now and not necessarily about relationships

    • Nahum

      February 26, 2016 at 8:16 pm

      ….what a stupid statement. Benita must have experienced something that has given her the insight she is sharing. Please leave her alone.

  11. xag

    February 26, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Nigerian women and their obsession with men. Mix things up, talk about careers, your kids, changing the world or something else. Even that DJ Cuppy babe carrying headphones up and down has something new to offer other than this “man man man” brigade. No wonder men are misbehaving up and down in Lagos, courtesy of the man altar y’all have built for them to be worshipped on. Climb a mountain, invent something, base jump, something else not just man, man, man.

    • Md

      February 26, 2016 at 6:40 pm

      I tire ooo

    • Idomagirl

      February 28, 2016 at 3:24 am

      My dear…

    • Stayce

      February 29, 2016 at 3:56 pm

      Thank you my dear. I tire for the matter

  12. Olu

    February 26, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    Some marry then try to change the man. Nah…not going to work.

    The man must want to change.

    But…why enter into marriage if you are not completely OK with that person? Sounds like settling to me. I understand there’s no perfect person but if there’s a behaviour you know you will never be able to stand, do not go in there

  13. Finally!Finally

    February 26, 2016 at 4:58 pm

    @blue ivy @ Ch am weak!!!!! Everyone is now relationship experts, including babies!!!!!!!!!

  14. benita

    February 26, 2016 at 5:44 pm
    we ose by benita iyere okojie

  15. Luvnaija

    February 26, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    Father I thank you for my boo boo, we are like Siamese twin always together! We go to barb his together sef, escorts me to salon! His pals call him woman wrapoer(my wrapper) I like him that!
    Father I extend this auction to other marriages that desire it.
    Rushing out to cook his special vegetable soup…married 5years and counting

    • Puzzles

      February 26, 2016 at 6:19 pm

      Fortunate you!!! Wishing you and your hubby the best in your marriage. May you continue to say the same thing even in your 50th year anniversary.

    • Nahum

      February 26, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      Enjoy your marriage dear. God bless you.

  16. Shakitibobo

    February 26, 2016 at 9:43 pm

    Naija women, lay off the high sodium and high carb diet! Ya’all face be full with fat and still claim to be on fleek lmao.

    • iyke

      February 26, 2016 at 10:36 pm

      And while they are at it,may I also suggest that they drink warm water mixed with a tbs of cinnamom to help suppress sugar cravings all day first thing in the mornings.

  17. Lolastic

    February 26, 2016 at 11:35 pm

    Neither are you a carrot, but your face looks orange.

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