Connect with us

Relationships

“If the boy she is dating has not put a ring on her finger, she is fair game for anyone to toast” – Ik Osakioduwa

BellaNaija.com

Published

 on

IK Osakioduwa

Ik Osakioduwa is featured on the cover of Genevieve Magazine’s latest issue alongside Timi Dakolo and Richard Mofe-Damijo (click here).

In the magazine, the media personality talks about love, his wife, his marriage and more. He explains how he “toasted” his wife, the fact that all women are fair game if they don’t have a ring and more.

See excerpts below.

On what love is: It is patient, kind, and understanding but for me love has to be more than that. It has to be consistent and dependable, it has to be 100 percent. It can’t be seasonal or dependent on my behavior. Love loves you enough to take you as you are but loves you too much to leave you as you are. Love is a clear lucid moment’s decision that says I have got your back no matter what. People lose their jobs and find it hard getting another; will you stop loving them because they are out of cash? Love has to be more than children. You can marry someone and never have kids. Love has to be more than all the perks that make life enjoyable. People have had accidents and have become vegetables. What then? Love is the constant. It doesn’t vary no matter what. Anything short of that is likeness not love.

On knowing his wife was “the one”: I had a few relationships that didn’t work out, but the last girl I dated before her couldn’t come to terms with my career prospects. This was a time when entertainment wasn’t stable and people weren’t making money. She couldn’t see a future in it so she advised me to get a bank job. I just knew that she wasn’t for me and at that moment I scanned through my life to see people that understood me and never tried to change me. She was clearly the one who encouraged me to be what I wanted to be and I thought to myself, that’s who I want to be with. She was always there so it was a clear decision for me and luckily for me, she is very pretty.

On approaching her: We were friends for 7 years before we ever started dating. I told her I wanted to marry her before we started dating. I am not one of those guys that does intimacy without commitment (IWC) I would not date a girl for seven years like she is a postgraduate degree. Even though she was seeing someone else at the time, I told her “See I’ve known the most important things I need to know about you, we are great friends and I think you and I can be friends for the rest of our lives”. Note to boys out there, the girl does not have to be single to toast her. If the boy she is dating has not put a ring on her finger, she is fair game for anyone to toast. Eventually she broke up with him and she wanted to give it another six months to make sure it wasn’t a rebound relationship but I waited because I knew I was there for the long haul. 6 months was nothing; I was ready to be there for life.

On why men are not committing: Nobody requires commitment of men anymore. Why did guys commit in the past? Because it was required that at a certain age a man would do the right thing and settle down. His parents required it and it was required by his job to present a formidable front. Certain jobs in the past wouldn’t consider a single man as M.D because unmarried men were considered irresponsible. Women would rarely sleep with you talk less of become your babymama without getting married to them. It was taboo, but this generation permits everything.

On being a traditional male provider: I used to tell my wife that my vision is way too big to be intimidated by anything she could ever dream of. If she wanted to own a country, that’s alright because I’ll own continents. Her owning a country does not intimidate me because I was brought up to buy continents in order to give her the country she wants. I was brought up to know that a guy should be responsible for his family. I am very traditional and I believe I should do the business of running the family. This is probably going to offend readers but if the husband and wife have to depend on both their salaries to run the family, then they are living above their means. A woman’s money is welcome to the progress and wellbeing of the family but if she is not allowed to quit her job because her money is part of the school fees and rent, then they are living above their means. A woman should reserve the right to quit her job to care for her kids because in this day, stay-at-home mums are the biggest heroes out there. My wife earns a lot of money but I pay the bills because that is how I was brought up. Her money is to buy the Louboutin shoes that I may not be able to afford in the midst of paying the bills. She can contribute to the bills but I would never require it of her. Guys should step up and deliver their responsibilities and stop requiring half from the woman.

You can read up the rest of his interview here.

Photo Credit: Genevieve Magazine

177 Comments

  1. Miss Pee

    February 22, 2016 at 4:04 pm

    IK. You are blessed for this interview.

    • Amaka

      February 22, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      Chei. Men like this are rare. Gbam. IK Well done. I am proud of you.

    • Damilola

      February 22, 2016 at 9:37 pm

      Now, that’s a classy and mature man. The thing is, there’s nothing wrong with women/wives sharing bills. I also like the idea of it not been mandatory especially if you live in Nigeria. However, I know in the U.S, where life is all about paying bills upon bills, no stopping. And putting all of that on a man, is overwhelming and overbearing. Even if you husband has a lucrative job, it’s necessary for the woman to contribute the best that she can bcos her contribution will take off some burden. My sister who is a practitioner nurse, and her husband is an engineer. He pays the mortgage, while she pays other utilities, groceries, car fix, etc
      They both put money together to build a house in Nigeria. She also moved to Nigeria, her husband has been the main provider bcos in Nigeria the bills are not as high as in the U.S. Once you build your house, it’s yours forever.

    • nnenne

      February 23, 2016 at 3:18 am

      You mean you make a six figure income and keep all that money and have your husband slave away, paying all the bills?
      In a monogamous relationship?
      You will let him die prematurely and then the whole burden of raising the kids, not only financially but morally , will fall on you?
      Or maybe the woman dies first and takes the money with her?
      What is marriage any way?
      Sharing in good times and bad times got to be part of it!

      Same way it is wrong for the man to leave all the domestic chores and child rearing for his wife. Sits down on his easy chair, watch her slave her life away, then go to bed and expect her to play WIFE!
      In a monogamous relationship sharing connects couples. I watched my parents do it and I believe in it!!!

    • Seriously

      February 24, 2016 at 7:26 am

      What about women who make more money than their husbands due to rapid ngrowth and demand in certain fields where high number women go into.For example, a registered nurse in the U S makes more money than an engineer or teacher. An engineer makes money depending on what company he works for but theres a high demand for RNs. In this case,should he still be solely responsible for all the bills.
      Many men want to provide,take care of their wives and children fit into traditional roles but the competitive world is making it difficult. Some men are literally dying inside trying to fit into traditional roles. And taking care of some women is very expensive. The society is not the same demand it was during our parent time.

  2. Chic

    February 22, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    He has spoken well… Weldone IK!

  3. Lolade

    February 22, 2016 at 4:16 pm

    My husband stepped up since day 1.. Told me keep your money (salary). I am the man, i will pay all the bills and kids nursery fees and take care of you. If you need extra then use your salary..

    They tell you in London, its 50/50 bill sharing.. Not in my household… I suggested we get a bigger house I heard I wont be able to afford all the bills and still enjoy our life so no and don’t think of offering to pay the balance.. I need a couple of years we move.. I said ok sir.. I will live within your means

    That’s part if why I still love and respect him alot..

    • Olu

      February 22, 2016 at 5:17 pm

      OOOKKKKK

      I had better see some responses to this post by ‘you know whos’

      or else………

    • mo

      February 22, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      So what do you use your money for? To big houses in Africa? Just like one of my friends the husband pays for everything here in US while my friend has 3 properties in Nigeria. Poor man has nothing to his name back home. May God help us o

    • Ada Nnewi

      February 22, 2016 at 9:57 pm

      You sound jealous?

    • Md

      February 22, 2016 at 10:52 pm

      So if something happens tommorow and he can’t pay then you will stop loving and respecting him , Kai, women!!!

    • chi-e-z

      February 23, 2016 at 12:06 am

      @Md no she’ll be there for him with the money she saved because of him. Real men take care of their women no question asked.

  4. Big Tee

    February 22, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    The headline is confusing, I was going to jump into conclusions…like “babe/wife snatcher”, but then I read the interview and it made sense…..I guess contexts matters when we read this headlines….

  5. Missappleberry

    February 22, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    Wow! IK i love you!

  6. Kay

    February 22, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    Correct Guy.

  7. Ada

    February 22, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    If to say you never marry, na me you for marry with this your view on marriage. Whereas I would like to contribute, I would also like for it not to be required of me!

  8. Lily

    February 22, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    Chi m Gozie gi Mr. IK Osakioduwa.

  9. j'suis belle

    February 22, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    this is making me smile,cos someone told me so recently but i actually think if a man does this he self confidence is like up the roof,and God knows i like self confident and mature men

    • osa

      February 22, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      My dear, some men will tell you that they will be responsible for the family upkeep etc – and even for your own personal upkeep, at least to some degree.

      Oh boy. . when the chips are down, you might find that they only said it to make themselves look responsible and eligible at toasting level.

      Some may even tell you of such laudable dreams which in actual fact they ‘plan not’ to realize.

      Men now know that the world is not not about “does he have money?” but now more of “does he have prospects?”. So some lazy bone might still look like some rose privet future successful hubby.

  10. isaid!!

    February 22, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    IK, tell them my brother!! the difference between boys and men.

  11. Dreamy

    February 22, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    would love to marry a man with this mentality.

    • iyke

      February 22, 2016 at 7:08 pm

      My take on this may hurt some ladies but that’s ok. I hope I can put my thoughts across succinctly.
      Iyke, everything you stated in your interview is the ideal and of course what most men raised with conservative values would say, including me. So, I am not going to say that your views aren’t relevant because most men are deeply shaken by their inability to provide.
      Having said, I hope you know that your ability to provide DOES NOT make you a good man!
      Now, let’s be objective and put on our thinking cap ……, if you notice, there’s been a significant social shift and evolvement of man in today’s world. We now live in a world where women are better educated than men, and increasingly earning more than men. Men on the other hand, aren’t handling it well unfortunately. The implication as it affects relationship and marriage is obvious…with the rate of abuse, divorce et al
      What do men do in this case?
      Some of us, for fear of diminishing our ego and provision abilities, may look elsewhere for mates: to retain that financial advantage, which also helps make us valuable prospects.
      Some men, if they have good wives, spouses, go back to school by their wives pushing, to diminish the educational and income gap.
      Let us also not forget that there are also men though may not be good providers, but can advertise other qualities besides provisioning abilities like being emotionally supportive and exhibiting motivation that still keep the engines of romance running. We also have the stay at home dads which is a new demographic today.Believe me, they are there and there are women who are very comfortable with that arrangement.
      So you see, the ideal is not always the case.
      My take is that much as I would love to be the sole provider, I will subscribe to a 50/50 love – I believe that women and men alike should provide economic and other contributions to a productive and reproductive union. Otherwise, we will be faced with lower rates of marriage, fewer children and even divorce. All these, being consequences men and women share in a continued quest for survival and reproduction in a challenging world.
      #50/50love

    • Engoz

      February 22, 2016 at 8:23 pm

      Agreed. We are not being realistic. Only lazy thinkers would be impressed by what he wrote. The reality is that the job market is highly competitive. While in our parents generation more men were in the work force, and more men were in the top positions due to men being given more opportunities to go to school then, our generation’s reality is that women are now in the work force compared to our mothers thereby competing for these scarce resources i.e employment which were the sole ‘proprietorship’ of men. Now in a country like Nigeria, where job opportunities never increased (and depreciated) from our parents generation to now, and then we have more women into the workforce, not only in the workforce, but in top positions as well, the reality is that many men may not be able to provide ‘continents’ for their wives, but wives may be more capable of providing ‘continents’ for their husbands.

      That is today’s generation reality. It’s either we chase women out of the job market, so that more men can still carry on with traditional roles, otherwise strongly holding on to such traditional views can be more disastrous. Even if more jobs are being created, women will still compete for it. Many men are caught between the modern world and old ideals. The problem I see in today’s gender dynamic is that while the female was encouraged to be empowered, go to school etc, the male was not taught on how to respond to the empowered female. The male still lives in a fairy tale of a vulnerable female species that was created to caress his ego. I foresee trouble ahead and more men will be shocked.

    • Keyna Augustine

      February 22, 2016 at 10:00 pm

      Your opinions are valid. but its coming from a lazy man’s perspective. a good woman who understands the characteristics of a virtuous woman will know when her husband needs support with finances and then she will step in to help. Truthfully, most men get lazy when they know that their wives contribute 50% to the upkeep of the home. And I won’t advise any married woman for the sake of she is independent and can take up half of the responsibility of the home’s expenses to put her money down unless its highly required. A well-meaning man should always be uncomfortable with the thought of the wife being a part provider. Biblically, men till the ground while women prepare what the produce brought home by their husbands. And that to me is a form of provision as well.

      Most of our fathers started with nothing and built their way up with our mums. In situations whereby a mother contributes, its mostly in the setting of a family business where everyone’s input is required. It is quite unfortunate that some men of this generation want to take the easiest route all because things are different and women are becoming better educated and earning more.

      If and when the woman challenges you, the man because you are not fulfilling your duties as a man, you will say she is not submissive. Factually, if you took up the responsibility from the get go to provide, and life’s challenges came and you couldn’t for a period of time. A good woman will help if she has the resources to, for being a providing husband and for her children too.

      Please Some MEN should toe the line of IK and stop making stupid excuses or calculating rubbish all in the name of being economical. Live within your means and work your way up. SHIKENA!!!!

    • Oluwabusola Adedire

      February 22, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      ‘Agreed. We are not being realistic. Only lazy thinkers would be impressed by what he wrote’ – Engoz. What exactly is lazy thinking? The problem I have with some people when it comes to debates is the inability to defend your case without attacking another’s. As for the interview, I think people are over analysing his points without considering that an opinion is generalisable to all populations. It is only ideal that a man should want to take up financial responsibilities of the home… whether or not he would use his wife’s help is a judgement call he would have to make depending on his financial status.

    • Oluwabusola Adedire

      February 22, 2016 at 10:18 pm

      *an opinion is not generalisable to all populations* sorry for the typo

    • FasholasLover

      February 23, 2016 at 2:07 am

      I agree with you. In this day and age, it is imperative to be able to balance what the man brings to the table. However, Women are wired to look up to their men. I do not believe in 50/50 but would gladly pull my weight financially. In the knowledge that while my man is a strong and confident head of his household, l do not lack emotionally, l do not lack a friend.

    • Doxa

      February 22, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      @Engoz, lazy thinkers…?
      Why don’t you think outside the box in your analysis?
      You kept talking about women forming a major part of the labour force than men these days, ok, why doesn’t that challenge the man to become an entrepreneur: start a business, no matter how small. Must he be a salary earner all your life? There is profit in all labour (unless they are chasing him from his village or he are making bad business decisions).
      This is how a responsible man would think: the jobs are scarce, how else can I be productive?
      But a lazy man would be looking for the wife who would share 50/50 with him.
      May God bless you with the wife of your choice, just make sure you appreciate her all the days of your life.

    • Doxa

      February 22, 2016 at 11:18 pm

      Please excuse the typos, I tried changing it from a comment directed to Engoz to one directed to ‘the man’.
      Lol! ‘the man’… who remembers ‘the beautiful ones are not yet born’?

    • feynasia

      February 23, 2016 at 11:39 am

      Ayi Kwei Armah! Remember “Koomson”?

    • Engoz

      February 23, 2016 at 6:42 pm

      This is why I used the phrase lazy thinkers.

      First, women have now entered the workforce, competing for scarce employment resources. This does not automatically translate to there are more women in the workforce than men (Men still dominate certain professions), but women are not far behind. There are more women compared to our mothers’ generation in the workforce. And there is just more competition for these scarce resources in comparison to our parents generation. This is sufficient to say that it is not realistic to expect that a man assume sole financier when opportunities he once dominated are now scarce.

      Secondly you have totally gone off tangent on the premise of my argument. It is the sensible thing to do to fend for one’s family- male or FEMALE. That is expected from any sensible, rational, logical human being. And it is important women begin to think this way. You are citing entrepreneurship as if this is not a business venture that comes with its own risks and will not meet the same problem of competition between the sexes.

      Our ancestors analyzed their situations based on their time, let us analyze our own situation based on the era we have found ourselves. If you insist that men should continue in this defined traditional roles, kindly stay out of the workforce, stay at home and nurture your kids, so that the space will be freed up for your man to be your financier. It’s very simple.

    • Engoz

      February 23, 2016 at 6:57 pm

      @oluwabusola adedire

      I can assure you if I were attacking commenters reasoning, I sure will not use the phrase lazy thinkers. If I were to attack, most of you will be crying blood by now and planning to kill me. Bella wouldn’t even post what I will write, lol. But if you think it was an attack that’s fine by me, because as they say attack is the best form of defense. So the comment about using attack to defend an argument works is very appropriate in this case. Thank you.

  12. Oma

    February 22, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    Very articulate guy, and i like his opinion on family finance, – if you need both your incomes to sustain your standard of living, you are living above your means.

    • Nicez

      February 22, 2016 at 9:32 pm

      That statement is subjective as people’s earning capacity vary. It’s does take into consideration people’s individual circumstances hence it cannot be as the normal. His house his rules, big up to him.

  13. jd

    February 22, 2016 at 4:55 pm

    IK speaks with so much wisdom and that’s why he is very respected.
    wish I could send this link to my husband to read but his ego might just take it the wrong way.. mtschewww!
    Olohi is extra lucky to have him!

  14. Puzzles

    February 22, 2016 at 4:58 pm

    “My wife earns a lot of money but I pay the bills because that is how I was brought up. Her money is to buy the Louboutin shoes that I may not be able to afford in the midst of paying the bills. She can contribute to the bills but I would never require it of her. Guys should step up and deliver their responsibilities and stop requiring half from the woman.”

    IK, PREACH!!!! Tell your fellow men.

    Men of this generation will be asking you on the first date.
    “Do you have a job? What exactly do you do? With that job, you earn up to 100k, abi?” (so it won’t be like they’re asking you how much you earn), “so what does your father do? How many siblings do you have? Ha!, you are the firstborn?, chai, you have a lot of responsibilities o”

    After some small talk, they leave. The end. No second date. You won’t see them again.

    Are there men who reason like my father and you in this generation???? Cause most of those I’m seeing around me, even some from my father’s generation are leaving these responsibilities for their wives to bear, and they have the guts to demand the same respect they feel they are entitled to.

    Most of my male friends have clearly stated that they want a working woman so that she would pay half the bills. Most clearly say to my face that they won’t marry a firstborn. Maybe they forgot I am one or maybe they just wanted me to know so that I wouldn’t dream of one of them marrying me.

    Before some people chop me raw, no, I’m not saying a woman should be lazy and not have something she’s doing. I personally don’t see myself being a housewife even if I marry a billionaire. I believe I would be a great asset to my husband that way, in case of life’s uncertainties (He loses his job or becomes ill). But please, you men, be honest to yourselves and step up.

    Please o, I have nothing against housewives o, neither am I saying housewives are not great assets to their husbands, after all I know housewives who have helped in managing the family’s resources wisely to the benefit of the family. I just don’t feel comfortable depending on anyone for my livelihood. Even as a child, I didn’t like going to meet dad or mum for money, even though I knew they would give to me, not to talk of when I have children of my own. The uncertainty of life is there – Husband dying or losing his job or even abandoning his family. I don’t pray for bad things to happen but bad things do happen

    • Madam Yewie

      February 22, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      See my life…

      So that is why I haven’t married yet. I’m a first born….Mummy come and see…

      But for real tho…Going on dates with guys are like going on an interview.

    • FasholasLover

      February 23, 2016 at 2:15 am

      You crack me up at “mommy come and see o…” In other words, mummy not my fault o that the baes wont propose. Na first born whahala lol

    • Engoz

      February 22, 2016 at 8:33 pm

      What is wrong in a woman paying half the bills? Why were women empowered in the first place to go to school? If a woman’s money is inconsequential in the family, I think it is sufficient to say that we need to campaign to pursue women like you out of the workforce, so that more men who are currently out of jobs can assume their traditional roles. Stop taking unnecessary space if your money is to be spent on irrelevancies like shoes and bags.

    • Keyna Augustine

      February 22, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      I applaud you. Its really appalling this present generation of men… They can make excuses. Economy is bad! today. No jobs! tomorrow. Women earn more now! next tomorrow. Naira has no value! In two weeks. The list is endless… No one is ready to marry because they aren’t millionaires yet. Please some guys need to take several seats under a massive canopy….

      One source of income cannot keep the family together. They have brains but nothing is inside because they are looking for a woman that will toil night and day with them, who after getting their own half for family upkeep will end up being disrespected by the so called men that asked them to support.

      People should look inward. Most marriages failing today are associated with issues related to infidelity which mismanagement of finances contribute to. Some men will take the money they should be spending on their families to be financing the lives of small girls, when they should be doing so for their wives. And you think when a woman you treat unfairly, who you have made it imperative to provide won’t muster the courage to leave when she cant handle your stupidity. At least let her bring 50% but respect her enough to channel you remaining 50% for a good cause that way its a fair deal…

  15. oumsca

    February 22, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    oh lord this guy

  16. MissOma

    February 22, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    “Note to boys out there, the girl does not have to be single to toast her. If the boy she is dating has not put a ring on her finger, she is fair game for anyone to toast”…… and vice versa huh??
    I love your answers Ik…. you are a smart and intelligent man.. your wife is lucky,,,

  17. ogeAdiro

    February 22, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    The reality today, is that many women are owning ‘continents’ and many men don’t have even small cubicle. And I’m sure that the future is going to see even more financially empowered women. So, this idea that a woman can just decide to quit her job is just not realistic. Unless polygamy becomes the order of the day, so that the likes of Dangote can marry 20 wives. On living above your means, good luck telling a hardworking Naija woman that makes 250,000 that her kids can’t go to 100,000 school because you make 100,000.
    Men and women need to go and figure out how to live in a world where both parties are real partners. In my experience, nothing starts trouble like unrealistic expectations.

  18. nene

    February 22, 2016 at 5:17 pm

    good views from IK. I cant’t believe he’s from edo state, no offence to anyone, as men from that area are notorious for wanting women to care for the family.

    • OffenceTaken!

      February 22, 2016 at 6:08 pm

      I am from Edo state and since my birth, my mother has never spent a dime of her cash on household welfare. Its been my dad from day 1 and he never complained. Men behaving the way you described can be found in all tribes. Stop with the generalizations abeg!

  19. Nahum

    February 22, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    Abasi….where do I even start? Ok, let me start here. Stay at home moms are the biggest heroes out there. Ok…..let me compose myself….WTF?????? Mrs Osakioduwa, sorry o. I am not knocking a woman’s choice to stay at home, as long as it’s HER CHOICE!!!! Let’s look at the way you chose your wife first of all, you chose the woman who supports your dreams, did you ever think to ask her what her dreams are/were? Her parents sacrificed and toiled to educate her and make her into a shining star, who the HELL do you think you are, throwing her dreams under the bus? Who made you her God? If she chooses to stay at home, let it be her choice and not because you have berated her to.

    And what about widows, single mums or divorcees? They have to raise their kids alone, these are my true heroes. Mrs Osakioduwa, this is your man so handle it but you need to start living for yourself. Pursue your dreams, be happy because he is only thinking of himself.

    I will address other points when I cool down.

    • aurora

      February 22, 2016 at 7:05 pm

      Why are u projecting your own issues on Ik? Who told you his wife doesn’t work? Calm your titties down and direct your issues accordingly

    • Engoz

      February 22, 2016 at 8:53 pm

      How is she or he projecting his/her own issues? Does it make sense for women to be empowered in this age but choose to be relegated to spending their money on inconsequentials? What then is the essence of your parents wasting money on you? I know the feather-brained Nigerian woman would be easily impressed by this crap. God gave you all brains, use it for once.

    • The real D

      February 22, 2016 at 8:34 pm

      @Nahum, I think you need to calm down and re-read the article. Dude said his wife makes a chunk of change. So obviously she works, I don’t necessarily agree with all his points but your point of view on the particular point you have raised seems a little skewed.That he married her because she supports him does not mean or insinuate that he has made nonsense of hers. Now if you have cooled down, you will see that what the mister said is that although said wife works (makes change to spend on the red soles), she as his wife, however, reserves the right to sit at home should she choose to and not have to worry about the bills.
      I’m a firm believer in being an equal partner in my home and that includes paying bills

    • Uche

      February 22, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      How did you miss the part where he said she earns good money???? …. at what point did he indicate that being stay at home mum was the husband’s choice… when you are calm please read again from the top.

    • Babym

      February 22, 2016 at 8:57 pm

      Nahum ahn ahn u want to fall my hand now, u usually make a lot of sense o, I even used to think u were my kindred Sista! Abeg calm down and READ the interview well then come back and read what u wrote, u just went off on a different tangent ?

    • The real Ibinabo

      February 23, 2016 at 1:12 am

      Nahum, na the same article we read so? Please go back and read it again. His wife works and he clearly stated that she has her own dreams (read the owning countries and continents analogy). Calm down! I am personally impressed with IK, he seems like a very wise man. I am traditional so I believe that men should provide for their families and women should contribute. I pity all those people trying to go dutch in their marriages and copy the Westerners (most don’t even have stable marriages). In my opinion, a 50-50 arrangement in everything is a business not a marriage. As a man you can’t be living off your wife and still expect her to cook your meals, take care of the kids and respect you. Haba!

    • Mz Beehave

      February 23, 2016 at 12:34 pm

      Who said she’s a stay-at-home wife though? Where did you read that???

    • Natu

      February 23, 2016 at 11:37 pm

      I love me some Nahum!!! girl you are smart!!!!

  20. Busola Adedire

    Oluwabusola Adedire

    February 22, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    This is a sensible read. I.K’s wife got a good one!

  21. Mama Saffron

    February 22, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    IK, you really don’t want someone of us that know you well to open your “bum bum” here do you? Anyways, it isn’t your day for tea to be served. I do NOT agree with his article at all, personal opinion. I find it quite hypocritical that the same women shouting equal rights, women’s right’s on bella naija are coming here applauding this article. You women need to pick a side really.
    “I used to tell my wife that my vision is way too big to be intimidated by anything she could ever dream of. If she wanted to own a country, that’s alright because I’ll own continents.” WOW. So, his wife’s dream can never be bigger than his because he was raised to believe that a woman can never dream bigger than him. Wait, whaaaaaat!!!!! There is everything wrong with that statement. Personally, i wouldn’t want my daughter to be in a marriage with a man that thinks her money is only for Louboutin shoes and her dreams will never be bigger than his. So, if she wants to be The President of the United States, in IK’s case, he should be what???. Are we in 1890 or 2016.
    A woman should contribute just as much in the home. It is her own home too, her own children too. It doesn’t emasculate the man rather, it shows he is in the same boat with his woman and they are both accountable to each other. Le Boo and I share the bills because BOTH of us wouldn’t have it any other way. Thankfully one person’s income can sustain our lifestyle louboutin shoes included but I want to be treated as an equal partner in my marriage, not some kept woman. We wonder why men treat women in Nigeria like property when we praise reasoning like this. There will be decent guys out there that do want to provide everything, but a lot of them that want to do so want to Lord that over their wives and it also gives them the largese to do what they like, cheating included and in IK’s case, *cough cough* that is all i will say. Like i said before, today is not the day for his tea to be served.

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      February 22, 2016 at 6:35 pm

      I reckon family dynamics will differ from household to household depending on upbringing and personality bias. There is no one size fits all approach. From my comprehension, I.K didn’t say his wife is not allowed to dream bigger than him. He just strikes me as someone who is willing to match or even surpass his wife’s hustle… and that is O.K. Equality is good and it has its own advantages but in family dynamics and interpersonal relationships… people should do what is best for their situation and should not be made to feel guilty it.

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      February 22, 2016 at 6:37 pm

      *guilty for it*

    • Anon

      February 22, 2016 at 6:39 pm

      Couldn’t have said it any better!

    • Corolla

      February 22, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      @ Mama Saffron @Nahum , My thoughts exactly. Am I missing something here? Why are women applauding this misogynistic article? Anyone with half a brain can see through the faux female empowerment, and can tell that this article is written by a very insecure man. Is this man really going to tell his daughters that their husbands dream will always be bigger and more valid than theirs?

      And to the commenters, really, you dont think you should contribute to the upkeep of your homes? So you went throught school to use your income to buy Loubs? Okay na.

    • Natu

      February 23, 2016 at 11:21 pm

      @Corolla A large percentage of these women are applauding this man’s stupidity because they suffer from internal misogyny. The Nigerian culture, religion and tradition enables them to be dependent and reliant on men. Only lazy and weak women will applaud this rubbish!!!!

    • Sheri

      February 22, 2016 at 7:13 pm

      Why make mention of tea if you are not serving?

      Abeg shift joh.

    • UGO

      February 22, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      I wish I could like this more times than needed. It surprises me that people do not view marriage as a partnership. I’m really baffled at most of these comments. Why then do some Nigerian women then act surprised at the way some Nigerian men act? It’s because you expect some who would act as a father should rather than looking for a partner. I fear for the next generation of Nigerian men and women we’re raising.

    • Tunmi

      February 22, 2016 at 8:20 pm

      I was going along with it until he mentioned the countries and continents thing. Bruhhh, what if I want and go for an entire galaxy nko and you’re at a microstate? I’m an ambitious person and my current guy is equally ambitious. I want my partner to be just as ambitious or more. But those words sound like someone who is fine with a woman whose shine, ambition, money, influence, etc does not interfere or outshine him.

      And like Nahum says, there is no mention of his wife’s dreams which is troubling.

    • nne

      February 22, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this. I grew up in Lagos and my parents were civil servants, they used both their incomes to send my siblings and I to good schools. So, was my dad less of a man because he NEEDED my mum’s income in the pot to give us all the best they could? Should we have stayed where his money reached in Jakande schools, while my mummy bought lace and fine shoes? Would that have been better? A good friend of mine was just offered a jaw dropping 6 figure USD salary to go head up an amazing organization abroad, it means husband quitting his gig and moving with kids. Should they not do it, because men are supposed to provide and have bigger dreams? More power to his Mrs. As for me, I am happy to be married to someone who knows there is room in our marriage for both our dreams. Sometimes, we may take turns making sacrifices for each other’s dreams and there is nothing wrong with that.

    • Honeycrown

      February 22, 2016 at 10:37 pm

      @Nne, I love you and your comment and it made me so emotional and took me down memory lane. When my dad was alive my mom didn’t have to work but she did and at the same time, she held down the house and relatives big time. Most of the things she did for her family and for my dads family came from her hustles. If he never allowed her to dream bigger or pitch in, how could she have taken care of myself and 3 siblings after he died prematurely?

    • Californiabawlar

      February 22, 2016 at 11:39 pm

      My dear, is it just those of us who have seen reality of life in this way that can’t just go around fantasizing? Cos I don’t get it….

    • Californiabawlar

      February 22, 2016 at 10:36 pm

      As in! Wait what?! You went to school and won’t contribute to your family? I don’t get the concept. My dad was the same way with paying all the bills and all, but they invested my moms money in landed property and other things for the family.
      It’s not wise for a man to make himself all in all for his family…tomorrow is not guaranteed….what if you loose your job? What if you die? How will your wife cope? If my husband is banking, and easily picks up all the bills, I’ll make sure we consult TOGETHER on how to properly invest what I’m bringing in.
      After my dad’s main house ended up being on one of the lands they bought when my mum saved up enough after like 7yrs together. Our experiences shape us… I can’t deal with a woman who spends her money on shoes and sh*t….I’ve seen too much.

      About his dream being too big for his wife’s? Lol…it is what it his…he picked her, saw her dreams, saw that they couldn’t match his and intimidate him, so he choose to marry her. My family was different…my dad inspired my mum to dream of achieving even bigger things than he could ever accomplish… I guess there a good men and there are great men.

      My love to Saffy o jere….

    • Californiabawlar

      February 22, 2016 at 10:37 pm

      **after my dad’s passing**

    • emmmm

      February 23, 2016 at 10:14 am

      hi Californiabawlar. Wasnt it you who was raised by a single mom who stood her ground not to abort on some other article? or did i read wrong?

    • Californiabawlar

      February 23, 2016 at 11:14 am

      No you didn’t read wrong, that was my twin…my mom managed to be married and have me as 5th child for her husband of 11years, meanwhile my twin had the situation you have wrote up there…if you find it confusing…can you imagine how I feel too?

    • Huh?

      February 23, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      Wait oh you have a twin that uses the same Id? That’s interesting.

    • FasholasLover

      February 23, 2016 at 2:28 am

      As in “I provide everything for you and your children, what more do you want…”?? You providing everything should not be a get out of jail card. Naaah. I want to pull my weight financially but l do not believe in 50/50.

    • RIFF RAFF

      February 23, 2016 at 7:33 am

      he he he he. I missed u mama. i really did…..your comments, ehn….Happy New Year

    • Say what

      February 23, 2016 at 8:40 am

      Feeling all self righteous *today isn’t your day for tea to be served* Madam Mama Saffron, do you know which one your husband is doing without your own knowledge while you are busy to using on another woman’s husband?! You are busy threatening serving tea on someone else, do you know the day YOUR own tea would be served?! Those that think they stand should take heed…..Nuff said

    • Say what

      February 23, 2016 at 10:18 am

      *focusing
      damn autocorrect!

    • Mama Saffron

      February 23, 2016 at 10:48 am

      Hello Mrs IK. Your husband’s tea happens to be very well known around Lagos and South Africa. I don’t even need to serve the tea, his tea stains are quite clearly in the view of anyone even remotely connected to him. You have chosen to see what you want to see, so please run along and go buy more Loub’s to comfort yourself shall we. As for what my husband is doing, he is fine thank you. I don’t understand how because your husband has enough tea to be served to fill a tank you think everyone else’s husband must be doing the same. Several seats please.

    • suspicious

      February 23, 2016 at 12:44 pm

      Of all the comments here, this is he only one that upset you? hmmmm are u IK’s wife? u dey fear???

    • suspicious

      February 23, 2016 at 12:45 pm

      the*

    • huh

      February 23, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      So because we all do not agree with your so called tea serving, I must be Mrs IK, Please you go and take a seat, or better still go and take care of your baby instead of carrying tea about online. Joblessness.

    • Nah

      February 23, 2016 at 1:21 pm

      Actually, the fact that a person does not agree with malicious gossip being disguised as tea online does NOT mean they are the person being talked about. I don’t live in Nigeria, don’t know IK or care to know him but also do not agree with Mama Saffron codedly bashing the guy. What is her aim exactly? If you’ve got evidence spill it out rather than this crap up there. Saint Mama Saffron and company.

  22. Nahum

    February 22, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    Second comment, who the hell are you to pass judgement on how other people run their families?? If men choose to depend on their wives salaries so that the family can live better, who the hell do you think you are to pass judgement?? Face your family and leave other people’s families alone!!! My husband and I work hard to provide a good life for our kids and I will be damned if a busy body knumbskull like you attempts to call him less of a man for depending on his wife. He is more of a man than you will ever be because he does not need to dumb down his wife to shine. His star is just as bright.

    • Mz_danielz

      February 22, 2016 at 6:22 pm

      Hmmmm. Sister, he didn’t call your husbands name now. Jiri nwanyo Biko. He spoke for himself and his beliefs. Surely, he is entitled to one.

      I respect women like you who share equal bills oh cos really I can’t biko, maybe it’s the anambra in me but it’s my God given right to be spent on. I’m irritated when an abro even insinuates I drop small money maybe coz him ATM isn’t working. My own go spoil sharp sharp too,

      God will give everyone their heart desires and my own is a man who spends on me oh, that said, everyone do you

    • Huh

      February 22, 2016 at 9:35 pm

      Mz_Danielz e be like say you like money well well. ?.

    • Natu

      February 23, 2016 at 11:08 pm

      @Nahum please do not argue with a fool. You are too intelligent for that.

  23. 'lade

    February 22, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    This right here is the dream!!!

  24. Cynical

    February 22, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    Wow,Ik……flesh and blood didn’t reveal this to you. OMG,I am speechless. This got my standing ovation for the day especially the traditional man part. I’m a tad bit jealous of your wife o…..lol. I always liked you,I had a gut feeling that you are one of the good ones….

  25. Nahum

    February 22, 2016 at 6:17 pm

    And last but not least, take your less than ten years of marriage experience out of here. People who have been successfully married for 20+ years know that the true secret of a successful marriage is treating your wife as a partner and not a slave. They have worked together to educate and feed their kids and their kids are doctors and lawyers. These men knew they can not hide their wives light under a bushel and their marriages have thrived. So go on with your mess and tell it the birds. Go and tell men like Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala’s husband that they are not real men and see where that gets you. You wish you could have a wife half as brilliant as her.

    • Mr. Egghead

      February 22, 2016 at 7:47 pm

      Nahum, please don’t mention NOI.
      The same NOI who almost split with her hubby because he sampled ‘foreign cuisine.’ Maybe if she stayed at home a little more. . .
      Men and women are NOT partners in a marriage. This does not mean that wives have no stake in the direction of a home, on the contrary, they are very important The best analogy I can come up with is the relationship between a Captain and his First-Mate. Both need to work in harmony for the ship to sail but there is a Captain and there is a First-Mate and one must defer to the other.

      Everybody has to make sacrifices for a home to work. The man. The woman. Even the children. Her dream must never be bigger than that of the collective ( the collective which the man leads). That is why if a home flounders, the man takes the flak.

    • Teju TJ

      February 22, 2016 at 9:46 pm

      Mr Egghead, you are indeed an egghead. Only raw eggs are in your brain. Nothing else. You are a very dumb man. I am sorry for whoever ends up with you. So, because NOI was not at home more, her husband cheated on her? You are a nonentity. Infact, you are a mad man. In that case, what should we say about the unending list of housewives who are at home 24/7 yet their husbands are sampling different cuisines 4 out of 7 days of the week?

      Thank God, women are not taking this type of bullshit mentality anymore. You seem like someone that cannot even lead a team talkless of a family.

    • idomagirl

      February 23, 2016 at 3:58 am

      Actually a Captain and his First Mate are partners, they make up the team in charge of the ship.
      Maybe you need to properly understand the meaning of the word “partner”.

  26. Nyinye

    February 22, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    Nahum,

    I think in your anger you may have missed the point. IK never said his wife is a seat at home wife, he stated very clearly that she makes a lot of money but he pays the bill which in my opinion is what it should be. A woman should contribute to her home of course but she should never work and live in the fear that should she lose her job, her husband would not be able to sustain the standard they have created for their family.

    About what he said on her needing to quit her job, you are totally reiterating what he said in your arguement, his point was, if she ever at any point feels the need to quit her job to take care of the home, she is welcome to. Please see excerpt from his interview that says that ” A woman should reserve the right to quit her job to care for her kids because in this day, stay-at-home mums are the biggest heroes out there”.

    I think you should reread the interview again.

    Lots of love.

  27. Tolu

    February 22, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    You can also keep side chicking since he’s not proposed to his babe….

  28. whocares

    February 22, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    oh godssss. This man is about to make me lose my zen and I have been trying very hard to find inner peace and harmony lately. Your dream is bigger than whatever she can dream up? if she does not have the option to reserve her job she and her man are living outside of their means? Her money is for louboutins?!!
    What the fecking feck and who the feck is fecking this!?!!! This man has succeeded in passing a chauvinistic statement as common sense and seeing the comments that praise him is even more disturbing than the bs he has spewed here.
    Sir, your wife was not created to wear lobous and rear kids. she was not created to wear loubus whilst preparing your favourite meal in the kitchen , dreaming small dreams. and raising aforementioned kids. How dare you!!! Whatever she can dream of you can dream better by virtue of the fact that you have a penis? Is that the only criteria to have big dreams? a penis?
    Further, Some women like to work, they are passionate about what they do, they like to contribute to their households, – you know why? because it is THEIR LIVES as well! They are not china dolls that have to be preserved from living life, and yes, the stress of chasing a profession and maintaining your family is LIVING. At the end of the day when you look back at your accomplishment it fills a woman with a sense of pride that their money and hardwork went into something substantial more than shoes and bags and guess what raising children is not just a role for women- I am genuinely angry that in this day we still have people who think like this, think it is ok and feel justified to say it.. I am not upset that he wants to take care of his wife and be “a man”.. no, we all like being taken care of- both men and women alike. But you can care for a woman without undermining her strength! I cannot imagine my husband telling me whatever I can dream of he can dream better- this statement is not based on the fact that I am a dumb person without common sense, but because I am a woman and I thefore lack the cognitive skills that he does because he is a man. Ko ni da fun e.

    • Vortex

      February 22, 2016 at 11:11 pm

      Whocares, nothing about IK’s interview should make you lose your zen. Like you and a few others, I don’t agree with his ideology for so many reasons. Still, I really don’t understand the extent of some reactions…

      1. IK shared HIS opinion and in fairness to him, he spoke, for the most part, within the context of HIS family. He said “my wife, my this, my that.” He didn’t say all men, all women, all whatever. Entertain a thought, scoff at it if you wish but remember you’re not obligated to accept it.

      2. If IK gave a warped perspective on say domestic violence for example, then, whether he was talking about his family alone or not, this kind of outrage would be absolutely justified. This issue is not that serious, biko.

      3. Notice that quite a number of female commenters praised him… That’s because IK’s view appeals to them. That is what they want. Much as it might make no sense to some of us, they are allowed to want that. What if his (IK’s) wife also subscribes to this? You wouldn’t want your husband saying things like this, fair enough. How about her? Do you know if this is the kind of talk she loves to hear? You may feel “undermined” but she may just be turned on by it. Who knows? Who should care? Certainly not you, “whocares.”

    • abeg jo

      February 23, 2016 at 6:46 am

      Yes it is his opinion just as it will have been his opinion if he said he was beating his wife and she liked it and it worked for them. Like domestic violence, disguised mysgoyny can cause a stir to some. If who cares happens to care about this particular issue, don’t police her emotions. IK gave his opinion in a public forum, so he should be ready for people to have an opinion about his opinion, If he can’t stand peoples opinions then he should keep it to himself or share it within his circle of control. Because by sharing his opinion he is perpetrating his ideas to the public and resonating with likeminded people….which has further exposed the hypocrisy of a lot of women/men. Hypocrisy should be exposed. So it is good he has shared his opinion and whocares has every right to call his opinion a toilet bowl. It is called conversation… that is how we evolve and change and revise our ideas

    • whocares

      February 23, 2016 at 11:27 am

      @Vortex- There is cause for concern. It is one thing for a person to have a personal opinion tucked firmly behind their teeth. It is another for them to come out and speak that opinion to the hearing of the wider populace. People listen, and if the man happens to speak with what some consider intelligence then there is a huge problem. People should run their household however they want to yes,. But when they come to the public space with sexist statements such as this, we have a right to call them on it as well- it is also our duty to try to reverse these vapid thoughts because it is vapid.
      Now as to domestic violence or not.. are you positing that there are degrees of issues? That it is only until something is conspicuously harmful before we should complain against it? That is a very risky approach to take to reasoning as that means you will pretty much let everything go until you are faced with harmful consequences and that is something I don’t understand. It is not until it comes out that IK beats his wife or cheats on her before I can call him sexist. I am able to see acts of sexism and chauvinism in everyday actions and I will keep talking about it until it is not the statusquo.
      Now as to the woman liking these things he has said about her(lmaoooo) please. I wont even dignify that with a response. And as for my name whocares, I like puns as much as the next person but lets not be too literal now.

    • Californiabawlar

      February 22, 2016 at 11:58 pm

      ??? whatdafadafeckingfeck? Hehehe…you have vex!
      I’m not even going to trip on IK’s point of view…because that’s just what it is, a pov, albeit short sighted.
      Or what type of oponu ayerada shallow mind boldly insists his wife buy loubs with her income? Not even gold o! Loubs?! Even gold self, my dad still ‘provided’ that for the most part ( btw what was it with our parents and gold? Lol)
      My dear, if somebody tried this style with me, I’ll use that money to buy equity in the coy you work for and then become your boss….watch me dream small honey…
      Reading this interview has me sad in a weird way…it reminds me of everything my dad wasn’t… a marginally successful twat who would was money just to stroke his own ego.

    • RIFF RAFF

      February 23, 2016 at 7:47 am

      My dear, if somebody tried this style with me, I’ll use that money to buy equity in the coy you work for and then become your boss….watch me dream small honey…
      HA HA HA some comments !!!!! Chai some girls get sense for here o!

      Reading this interview has me sad in a weird way…it reminds me of everything my dad wasn’t… a marginally SUCCESSFUL TWAT who would was money just to stroke his own ego.
      Ah Ahn, IK… see how your interview makes some people come to abuse their fathers online…you people are just killing me here.
      I love this BN family. I love all of you. chai ha ha ha

    • Krasavitsa

      February 23, 2016 at 11:34 am

      @ RiffRaff, she didn’t abuse her father oh, read her comment again. She said he reminds her of everything her father “WASN’T”.

  29. Adaure

    February 22, 2016 at 7:08 pm

    This is so refreshing. On point.

  30. Mr. Egghead

    February 22, 2016 at 7:12 pm

    There is nothing like equality in marriage. That is why they have Heads and not Co-Chairs. The men have always been the providers and that is why they are the head of the home. If the woman chooses to contribute, that is fine, but it should not be her responsibility.

    Any home where the woman is shouldering the bulk of responsibility is always under stress. Just check globally. The woman may be richer than the man, but the brother has to have enough to pick the bills

    If a wife is not ready to support her husband’s dream at her own expense, then she should leave him, go on the street and chyke a bobo that will be under her.

    • Cindy

      February 22, 2016 at 9:37 pm

      Shut up please

    • Teju TJ

      February 22, 2016 at 9:50 pm

      Mr Egghead. Please just shutup. Don’t comment anymore again today. Your stupidity is appalling.

    • Felinda

      February 22, 2016 at 11:07 pm

      Anofia with a PHD

  31. Busola Adedire

    Oluwabusola Adedire

    February 22, 2016 at 7:13 pm

    Am I missing something? I think some people read this interview wrong. Nothing for arguments here. Even if there was, it is his home and he shouldn’t be told how to run it.

    • Dear Dee

      February 23, 2016 at 10:40 pm

      same thots..am shocked at some reactions..well we all have different ways of seeing things sha. IMO, his points were clear and direct..no need to over analyse…

  32. Vortex

    February 22, 2016 at 7:20 pm

    Well, I don’t agree with many of his points but that doesn’t matter. He gave HIS perspective and almost everything he said was within the context of his own family not anyone else’s. He didn’t say his views are the gospel everyone should live by. If this is the system that works for his family, fine. No one is under compulsion to adopt it.

    What is funny is how some of the female commenters who leave comments advocating “equality” in relationships are now blessing IK and basically calling him ‘the man’. Let’s be real here, this equality thing works both ways. It’s hypocritical for us to want men to share some of the so-called female responsibilities with us, and still think it’s okay for them to shoulder all or almost all the financial responsibilities.

    I believe that many of the old systems and ideologies we have need to be changed because women need that but hey, so do men too! Equality is a call for fairness & balance not selfishness or wickedness. Within the family unit, this equality can only be achieved by compromise on both sides not just one.

    • Mr. Egghead

      February 22, 2016 at 7:51 pm

      Well said Vortex!!! I am going to quote you again for emphasis.
      – –
      What is funny is how some of the female commenters who leave comments advocating “equality” in relationships are now blessing IK and basically calling him ‘the man’. Let’s be real here, this equality thing works both ways. It’s hypocritical for us to want men to share some of the so-called female responsibilities with us, and still think it’s okay for them to shoulder all or almost all the financial responsibilities.
      __

    • Engoz

      February 22, 2016 at 8:46 pm

      You have got to be one of the confused persons on this site. You have challenged Nahum for questioning Ike’s remarks, look at you here quoting and liking a comment that agrees with Nahum’s submissions, lmao.

    • Honeycrown

      February 22, 2016 at 9:38 pm

      @Vortex, thanks for echoing my thoughts and saving me from writing a longer epistle, lol.
      Initially, since I don’t know the guy and the title of the post sef made me wakapass because I thought it was about snatching wife tinz but boredom aka gbeborun made me come back only to find myself at confused.com at the comments.
      I think it’s just the thought of buying “Loubs” that’s making the usual “feminist” approve of his opinion. He comes across slightly chauvinist to me sha simply because he has to outdo his wife’s goals. Which one be, “…. my vision is way too big to be intimidated by anything she could ever dream of……buying continents if she buys a country.” For all I think, he may be collecting “half” from his wife sef because he was trying too hard to come across as a sole provider. Hehehe

  33. Avantgarde

    February 22, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    I think i should mistakenly send this link to my husband oo…..

  34. Gobsmacked

    February 22, 2016 at 7:58 pm

    After reading the comments above I am totally confused at to What Women Want? Ladies what exactly do you want?

    • The real Ibinabo

      February 23, 2016 at 1:27 am

      There is no ‘what do women want’, instead find out ‘what YOUR WOMAN wants’. This marriage thing is not a one size fits all arrangement

    • Californiabawlar

      February 23, 2016 at 8:18 am

      What’s your business with what ALL women want? How about you stop being lazy looking for a cookie cutter woman…find out what she wants…stop coming online to get tip on how to stereotype women.
      We are all products of our experiences…some are collective but most are unique.
      A sizable group of women saw their mothers get beat up and when they asked questions they were told if a man doesn’t beat you he doesn’t love you….if you met such a woman she would want you to beat her…does that mean all women want to get beaten?
      Answer carefully, a friend just stabbed her husband in the arm after he smacked her in the face.

  35. shut up yall

    February 22, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    y’all should shut it.

    ain’t you all the same set that cries for equality? You are the same set saying any guy who wants 50/50 is a weakling or inadequate.

    You all don’t know what you want. If you want us to retain it the way our forefathers did it, fine. but you can’t be claiming equality, throwing it in our face anyhow and still not expect guys to act that way.

    know what? you people are smarter than your heads in this age and the men too have woken up. they are no longer mugus.

    I mean how can you be expecting me to be performing boyfriend duties to you and you claim we are not dating? how can you be claiming we are equal, share the house cleaning and cooking on a weekly basis, and still expect me to be the one footing all the bills?

    how can you expect me to buy you a car for val gift and give me boxers when we are both working and collecting salary? is that not selfishness and wickedness to you? yet you claim equality.

    forget, our fore mothers weren’t working And the fore fathers worked to pay the bills. we are in a modern age my friend, if you claim we are equal, babe we have to split it all.

    you can as well sit in your fathers house and use your money to buy LB shoes and let me be here and enjoy my money on myself too.

    one sided feminist wey no sabi Nada
    oshisco

    • mo

      February 22, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      Abi, don’t mind them selfish people. I will never allow my husband pay all bills. God forbid!
      I will always support. Its my home

    • Md

      February 22, 2016 at 11:16 pm

      I wanna buy you a beer,bro

    • idomagirl

      February 23, 2016 at 4:02 am

      Our foremothers worked tho, many of them farmed and traded, is that not work?….maybe in your area they were all housewives sha.

    • Huh

      February 23, 2016 at 9:23 am

      Truth be told, in the olden days both parents did work, either in the farm for our fore parents or professionally for our immediate parents. I think what happened is that at the early stage of our parents marriage for those that started from a humble background both parties did work to support their families and when the man became more successful, the wife would in some cases stop working in order to support the family in raising the children.

      I agree it wasn’t 50/50 but I dont think a wife making contribution to the welfare of her household was frowned upon by our fore parents too. Until we all realise that in Marriage we are working together to forge ahead we will continue to miss the goal.

  36. Priceless Gem :)

    February 22, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    Men ooooo please take a cue from this sensible gentleman! And my fellow beautiful, priceless ladies you heard him! We need to stop giving the milk for free so he’ll know and appreciate the need to buy the cow!LoL I’ve always been a huge IK fan but now my fandom has quadrupled!! He should be giving talks to our generation of men tbh, great article and Olohi is one lucky lady!! 😀

  37. Shirley-Roseline

    February 22, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    Chineke! My expression when I was done reading this. If this is who you really are, well done Ik. No hope is lost for the worthy ladies out there and we need people like Ik that is quite known to speak such truth that can cause order to return to relationships…

  38. Lizzy

    February 22, 2016 at 8:45 pm

    Now I

  39. shut it

    February 22, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    As for you saying you want to send the link to your husband, if you like destroy your family and come back later crying to aunty Bella. Iyke has only said the ideal, you don’t know if that is what he does. Don’t believe everything you read.

    This ideology is what will keep many single. I mean lemme tell you some facts

    1. Olden days is different from now.
    2. Our mothers weren’t working but our fathers worked that was why they were the sole financiers. This age, both work and earn a wage.
    3. Our mothers respected and acknowledged our fathers as the head of the family, but this age, you all cry for equality, don’t acknowledge men as the head but want them to play the role of a head

    4. They lived in a period where naira was valuable. I mean they earn 150naira and from that all the kids will go to school. We live in an age where naira is valueless. Even your husbands earning 150k as salary, can’t purchase anything.

    5. They lived in an age of contentment and value for money. There weren’t LB shoes, jets , yacht, Porsche, iPhone and even the highest things then, what they earned could purchase. This age, I don’t know how a lady of 22yrs old who has never worked all her life will use an iPhone of 150k. Do the maths.

    They were contented with whatever they had and what hubby could get, this age, the wives complain about everything. I mean, your husband was able to buy you a car to avoid jumping bikes, you are complaining the car is not new. Did your father even purchase a car before dying?

    Our fathers so tried that many of them didn’t have many clothes except for those conductors they wear. Struggling to keep the family together but on the other hand our mothers had all kinds of wax, wrappers in different colours like a heap of sand

    5. Many of you will be comparing your fathers to the men in your life. Ask your fathers where they were at your bf/hubby’s age. Many of you can’t date a guy without a car now saying you are from a wealthy family, when did your father bought his first car? You people no dey reason am well

    6. Let’s do some calculations, in federal parastatals
    Level 8 takes 81-83k
    Level 9 takes 90-92k

    Ministries say 60-80k

    Only a hand full pays 150 and above.

    Now you stay in Lagos or Abuja, you don’t want to live in the outskirts, you want to stay in wuse 2, Maitama and Asokoro. 1bedroom flat is 800k. 2bedroom flat is 1.5m. Many of you will say 1bedroom is not good enough. Divide 2bedrooom flat 1.5m by his salary 80k.

    His salary in 12months/1year is 960k not even up to pay a 2bedflat. Now tell me, won’t you people eat for the whole year? No outing money, no fuelling money, no money for gas, no money for utilities-dstv, water, phcn….plan for kids. You will still expect to take some fish, shawarma, pizza, cold stone, dominos and some nice treat from time to time

    And you will collect your own salary and keep it? There is nothing more selfish and devilish than that. Your husband will be struggling to give you a good life and you will keep your salary to buy shoes,bags and clothes? You need to beg God for forgiveness

    Just remain in your fathers house my friend. You think marriage is a child’s play? Marriage is for adults who are responsible. If you want to Still be pampered, let your father do that for you. Anyways if you still feel that way, no one is forcing you to marry, remain single and leave the men alone. After all, you are the ones pressurizing them to marry you early when they are not yet ready.

    • Engoz

      February 22, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      There is nothing more selfish and devilish than that.

      A round of applause. Couldn’t have said it any better. Thank God not everyone is as stupid enough to swallow this shallow reasoning. When Nigerian men chase these women out of the house, bring in a second wife under the auspices of tradition, these same women won’t remember that tradition or ‘conservative ideals’ permits him to do such. You cannot eat your cake and have. It’s either Nigerian women follow the equality stance through or shut up when the tradition they defend allows a man to bring in a second wife. Silly, lazy, selfish women. These are the idiotic women that have made feminism look like a hypocritical venture. Left to me I will ban Nigerian women from going further that JSS 3. If you are going to waste your revenue on inconsequentials and expect to be waited on hand and foot, what then is the essence of going to the university and filling up admission slots with a lazy demographic of no use to the intellectual society?

    • Cindy

      February 22, 2016 at 9:40 pm

      I stopped reading at your second point. For one, I never take anyone who thinks equality and disrespect are the same seriously.

    • Ifeyinwa Mic

      February 22, 2016 at 9:46 pm

      Hahaha…Chop knuckle.

    • Teju TJ

      February 22, 2016 at 10:07 pm

      That is a lie. I know a woman in her 60s who left her husband back in the 80s because he was a broke nicca. SO don’t say our parents generation were contented. No, there were no iPhones but there were swizz voile and gold jewelries which they pressured their husband’s to buy for them. Is it not in our parent’s generation that drug went on a spiral.. Your mothers and fathers were big time drug dealers all so they could live large.

      All these yarns about glorifying baby mama in out generation, who told you baby mama started in our generation? How How many of you are a product of 2nd wife i.e. outside children? How many of your parents can produce wedding photos abi how many of them are legally married?

    • idomagirl

      February 23, 2016 at 4:05 am

      I don’t know why many Nigerians think everyone’s background/story is the same as theirs. Lol.

    • Simplyjane

      February 22, 2016 at 11:56 pm

      …when did your father BOUGHT his own car eh?

    • shut it

      February 23, 2016 at 8:36 am

      it was a mistake I had plenty things in my head i wanted to put down and it was composure error not grammatical….I saw that after posting but the deed was already done. So out of those plenty words, that is the only thing you can contribute? fish brain

    • shut it

      February 23, 2016 at 9:45 am

      It was a mistake, as i had so many things in my head to put down. It was a composure error and not a grammatical error. Did you find nay other one there? Saw it after the comment had gone but the deed was already done.

      You mean that is the only thing you can contribute seeing all that? Fish brain like you. Cant contribute anything worthy but looking for mistakes upandan

  40. ForTheRightsOfMen

    February 22, 2016 at 9:11 pm

    By comparing his dreams (continents) to that of his wife (countries), I dont think he was saying that his wife should or can never have bigger dreams that he does, What I think he meant to say was that in order to be fully responsible for his wife and family he aspires always to be in a much bigger position than her. You cannot give what you dont have. Being in a such continent allows him to give her countries. Just an opinion.

    • joey

      February 23, 2016 at 7:37 am

      Thank you soooo much for this…………the economy of country just let everybody dey over provoke, comprehension can never be the same, NEVER.

  41. penelopeia

    February 22, 2016 at 9:15 pm

    For my household, after I gave birth to our first child, I knew roles were clearly defined by God. He was there giving me support and all but it was my hooha that was on fire. I support him where I can but I will not take the whole role, don’t also tell me to,bring money for payment for school fees…naaaa

  42. Eshoppaz

    February 22, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    luv this

  43. Lizzy

    February 22, 2016 at 9:53 pm

    Now I am beginning to understand when Bruno and some other folks say Nigerian women don’t know what equality or feminism is. Very one-sided and partisan. They don’t know what they f*ucking want. They only scream equality when they are getting benefits from it. Your money is your own money but his money is for everyone. How selfish. Meanwhile the same folks (yes I recognize some of your avatars. You know yourselves) would come here yakking about your husbands not sharing the chores and duties with you. Why should he help with the duties when you are at best a freaking KEPT WOMAN. You are only good for buying louboutin’s and ferragamore’s. Then you wonder why a good chunk of Nigerian men think spraying some few bucks on your faces is the ultimate expression of love. They (Nigerian men) will abuse you in all manners and ways and all they need is to spray some money on your face and everything gets resolved. Nigerian women – pick a side and stop the dilly dallying and double standard. You don’t go wailing equality only when you feel like and are getting monetary benefits.

    • Engoz

      February 23, 2016 at 1:15 am

      Absolutely. Nigerian women want to eat their cake and have it. Any Nigerian man that pays for everything has my go ahead to kick any woman out that demands he shares in the chores.

      Nevertheless, most of these women don’t claim to be feminists. And we should stop branding them as such just because they are women. I can live with them not being feminist. It is the twofacedness of trying to benefit from the traditional aspect and also from the feminist approach that irritates the heck out of me.

    • Lizzy

      February 23, 2016 at 4:51 am

      Exactly the phrase I was looking for. They want to eat their cake and have it. They want Benefits from both spectrums.

    • idomagirl

      February 23, 2016 at 4:09 am

      I agree with you 100% but let’s not forget that not every Nigerian woman is a feminist. There are many who are not.
      I agree tho that so many chicks who claim to want equality and equal treatment want to do nothing but sit pretty while a man runs around footing all the bills.

      Which is absolutely ridiculous.

    • Natu

      February 23, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      @lizzy I concur!!

  44. Hypocrisy land = bella naija

    February 22, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    It is not today that I know that BN readers especially the females are one of the most confused people online. You guys pride yourselves as intellectuals, the so called classy blog but you really don’t know what you want and all the epistles you guys write on post is just an outlet for all your messy lives that you’ve not managed to fix and be postulating theories that don’t work in real life upandan. If a woman said if a man isn’t engaged or married you are free to toast him, the hammer of the BN ninjas will come down hard calling her a ho but a man can say it and it is okay. He is praised too. I don’t gerrit. His comment about no matter what his wife conceived as her dream he can’t be initimidated because his is bigger. What a chauvinistic twat and he has a daughter. IK are you serious. You just dismissed and reduced your wife’s income to loboutin shoes. My goodness and people are praising that. He just said no matter how much his wife earns based on her hard work and education, it can never mean more than chewing gum money. So why should your daughter bother going to school then when no matter how much she earns her husband won’t see it more than biscuit money. You sir with all due respect are an idiot. Only in Africa and only in 2016 will a man think like this. Your contemporaries abroad have brought women forward to stand side by side and be bosses together. Nigerian women you deserve the crappy husbands you get. Apparently all a man needs to do to be a good man in your eyes is to spend money. Materialistic beeches.. Don’t bother getting an education. Just rely on the man. Money solvereth all problems for a Nigerian woman. IK that is cheating upandan but it is okay as long as he is providing he is to be praised. Nigerian women this is how far you have come in 2016. Your mates in the west are running for president and heading the world bank. You are praising a man for letting you spend your money on Louboutin. Father Lord!!!!!

    • RIFF RAFF

      February 23, 2016 at 7:55 am

      Father Lord indeed. You said it all.
      Naija women, stop complaining about your men treating you like mere commodities. Do you know why? YOU ALWAYS ALLOW YOURSELVES TO BE BOUGHT!!!

    • Krasavitsa

      February 23, 2016 at 10:34 am

      You, Engoz, Nahum, Mama Saffron and all the smart people that saw through this nigga’s chauvinism, are blessed!

    • Californiabawlar

      February 23, 2016 at 11:52 am

      You raised good points but errr…a good percentage of the women on here, Nigerian women who are mostly BN regulars, vehemently disagree with IKs point of view…why still lump everyone together? is this for the lack of comprehension of these comments or you’re just addicted to stereotyping and making fallacies of hasty generalization?

  45. Mr Bulus

    February 22, 2016 at 10:02 pm

    Well. Lucky you bro. It all worked out fine. Fingers are not equal.

  46. Babym

    February 22, 2016 at 10:09 pm

    Buhahahaha but y do some of u want to blow a gasket over this now ? Y r u so upset? He said that is his household and that’s what’s working for them abi? Ehen so y do u want to cry?? Did his wife come and complain to u? Lol, if I’m being honest, I will not mind using my money for ‘other’ things o if my hubby can afford our lifestyle alone ahn ahnn. Wait I can just imagine hubby telling me to keep my money that he has got this and then I will now come and be crying and saying no baby pls I’m a 21st century woman, I refuse ur offer! Buhahaha puhleasssse ?. However that’s just a fantasy for me, it’s very far from my reality at the moment and that’s okay. ? Infact me and hubby had a very good laugh reading this interview. We r working hard to pay bills on one income and fajii on the other (my own ?)

  47. Tunde

    February 22, 2016 at 11:04 pm

    SEe this Ik of a somebody ohh
    coming here this monday to come spoil market
    Mschewwww. i dont like this guy. pior pior pior

    • Somtoo

      February 23, 2016 at 11:17 am

      funniest comment so far. This guy right here has said what is paining all these dudes hating ik. hohohohohohoho. IK stop spoiling market. some guys go obtain you for road ooo.

  48. Papacy

    February 23, 2016 at 12:20 am

    If a man performs his traditional role of providing for his family regardless of his wife’s financial status, a good woman will become more involved in supporting him regardless. I personally want a woman who’s ambitious and hardworking, I don’t need to tell you when I need your support in marriage. I may not ask for it, call it ego, but I will appreciate it if you put the effort. You are neither diminishing my position or raising yours. We are supposed to be partners for Pete’s sake!

  49. Tara

    February 23, 2016 at 1:37 am

    We have 3 kids and my husband is a stay at home dad. Yes we are both Nigerian. He gave up his job when my company offered me a position and we had to move. My income provides us with a good living. We decided that we didn’t necessarily want to have other care givers outside of the family looking after the kids hence the decision for him to be the stay at home parent. He encourages me in my career and takes care of the Homefront when I am away on business. As with most marriages, we have our spats but I respect him as my husband and head of the home. He supports, protects and provides for his family in ways that are not financial. The money is not the be all and end all. Granted not everyone can be in this type of relationship. For me, I’ll always be grateful that my husband was not intimidated by my “so called high flying” job and we have been able to make a home together with him giving up his job to ensure that we had a great opportunity to take our family to a different level.

  50. Oluwabusola Adedire

    February 23, 2016 at 2:18 am

    I see a lot of people are judging the ‘worthiness’ of an individual based on their ability or inability to contribute financially.One of the comments even said that nigerian women deserve the crappy husbands they get. Newsflash: Nobody deserves a crappy spouse whether it is the boss lady who conquer in high heels or the pepper seller. No one is automatically entitled to a ‘good marriage’ simply because they have money. In as much as I can’t knock equality off, I hope we all know that finance is one dimension of marriage… Albeit an important one which does not increase or decrease an individual’s self worth. There are other things like mutual respect and understanding which in my opinion are non-negotiables. I also believe that it is idealistic for a woman to get the same level of respect whether she is in paid employment or not. Why? Because she is Human first. Am I advocating for lazy women? No. Of course a man or a woman can reserve their rights to marry someone of a similar social status but it is rather a subjective preference. We need to be careful in making all or nothing judgements as we have only seen one facet of I.K’s marriage and no one really knows how the arrangement works between them. If the arrangement gives them peace and everyone is happy, please let them be great!

  51. Hawt Talk With Tosan

    February 23, 2016 at 3:38 am

    Adam and Eve…simpler times

  52. Lola

    February 23, 2016 at 4:39 am

    Lol, I think some people are misunderstanding what he meant. In this case, IK is talking about what works for him and what not, he didn’t mention that his wife refuses to contribute to the bills and all but says that he prefers doing it for himself because that works for him, does not mean everyone has to follow that pattern.

  53. really?

    February 23, 2016 at 8:41 am

    LMAOOOOOOOO!!! What’s with all the heart attack? I read the article as well… and I love it. I think IK is simply being honest about what every woman desires, whether or not we accept it – a man capable of taking care of her. It’s no biggie. Maybe because I’m sick to death of this new crop of lazy, un-aspiring, visionless men – husband excluded – who are not ashamed to depend on a woman and cannot stand up to their responsibility. Saying his wife doesn’t have dreams is just petty and childish. Trust me, I would love my daughter’s husband to think like this as well, irrespective of her status or level.

    Well done, IK.

  54. Mz_danielz

    February 23, 2016 at 8:52 am

    My people a beg don’t allow men cheat us oh.

    I will carry your children, be a good wife and still pay bills. Chukwunna forbid biko.

    I refuse to be that liberated. I even evaluate chikers by how they drop money and their views of taking care of women financially. A man is supposed to be disinterested in my money. Nwokem, go and hustle.

    The things I’ve been able to do with my meager salary because of ofe money is good oh. Property, travels etc. if a guy loves you, he will give you and take pride in spending on you and taking care of you on every way; financially, emotionally, etc. invest your money in mutual funds and other things and let the bros hustle Biko. Help if necessary but a man should be a man.

    God so loved the world that he GAVE. All those pple asking if my husband is my father. Im dropping my fathers name to bear his ain’t I.

    Men of this generation are just too lazy.

    • single

      February 23, 2016 at 10:47 am

      Now i understand why you are still single

    • Mz_danielz

      February 23, 2016 at 1:06 pm

      Chukwu bi n’enigwe, warris dis Biko?, it has not occurred to you that I might be hoping to love one of the abros around not just marry, might be working on some things mba, I comment and you understand why I’m still single. If I were forming miss independent, you will say I’m emasculating the man,

      My father in heaven Biko where’s my TDHGRT guy, mkpari nkea a Kari bikonu

  55. NIRA

    February 23, 2016 at 9:56 am

    There’s just no way to please all women. If he had said the woman should contribute 50-50, we’d have chewed him raw. Now he said he wants to be the one to pay all the bills in HIS OWN home, some ppl are drinking panadol again for his headache!! Remember, this is about him and his family. If you like to share bills with your husband, go ahead. If your husband is one of those who relax and let you do all the heavy-lifting financially, and you’re good with that, fine! Whatever works for you. I still prefer a man who takes his responsibilities as a man and head of the households.

  56. Hmmm

    February 23, 2016 at 10:08 am

    He makes enough money to pay rent inside town in Abuja. I don’t even have up to 1m in my account and if he say he wants to pay our rent I should fight for equal rights? How the rights wan take equal? Are you people joking? Yes I am a babe! Yes I want to contribute but Yes I also want my man to take care of everything so that it is not required of me to contribute. See all of you running of your mouth and claiming to be angry at IK. Do you know what it means that all or a percentage of your salary is definitely required for the survival of your family, do you know the pressure? The fears that you face and the hope and prayer not to lose your source of income?

    Please all of you come down from your high horses! This is Nigeria, we are all hustlers trying to survive and if my hustle is going to be lightened by my hubby I WILL NOT say no just so that some feminists can applaud me. I want him to take care of me, I want him to take care of my children. Like my mother, I want to spend money only on foodstuff while he pays rent, school fees, vacation fees as well. He is the man, he needs me to complete him, I am already completing him by living with him, having children for him as well, he ought to take care of me!

    I have no apologies to anyone who says otherwise. It is my life!

    • Mama Saffron

      February 23, 2016 at 10:53 am

      what fear exactly. You and your husband are unequally yoked. Probably it is part of why he married you because he knows he can always use his money to control you. Which fear of what exactly, what pressure. You think he isn’t under pressure too, to maintain the lifestyle, because he knows heaven forbid should anything happen to him you won’t be able to survive. Please Madam, step up your game, try your hand at a new business, go to school again, increase your earning potential. The world is your oyster, you can do anything that you want and not have to solely depend on your husband. Show your daughters what a strong woman can do, even if the money isn’t to contribute to the house, a woman should ALWAYS have fall back income for emergencies and unforseen circumstances. This has NOTHING to do with feminism but real life and reality. You don’t complete him by living with him and having his children. He ought to take care of you. Wow, wow, wow. I guess it works for you sha, but don’t forget, no one knows tomorrow.

    • Mama Saffron mind your own yoke!

      February 23, 2016 at 11:35 am

      Mind your own yoke! That is if anybody unequal or equal has bothered to yoke with you. I have double degrees and a steady job and I still WANT ALL all my needs to be taken care of. I worked my arse off to get enough money to get a second degree and I burnt my savings paying for it! Which is why I don’t have up to 1m anymore. But I have struggled and my people say e jiro afufu anya isi! Nobody brags about suffering! Yes I am married. Yes, he can take care of me. NO, I wouldn’t have it any other way! Yes, I am doing my part! Daz all!

    • huh

      February 23, 2016 at 12:55 pm

      I wonder oh, is it BY FORCE to be feminist according to the gospel of mama saffron?? Do you Jane Public and let others do them. It is a FREE WORLD. Jeez

    • Disgrace to womanhoood

      February 23, 2016 at 10:54 am

      Are you not a disgrace?
      Do you need a man in your life to make you?
      Why did you go to school or get degrees?
      What is the essence of your being?
      You dont have up to 1m in your account and you are happy with that-Does he have two heads than you?

      So you fear loosing your own source of income but don’t have fear for him loosing his?
      “he needs me to complete him, I am already completing him by living with him,” You dont need him to complete you? Is he not completing you by living with you as well?

      You simply saying you are worth nothing and of no value. Anything that is valueless can be easily replaced, looked down upon or trampled cos you contribute nothing to his life

    • Na you be disgrace to mankind!

      February 23, 2016 at 11:31 am

      To answer your question. No, I am not a disgrace to womanhood! What do you even mean by “you simply saying you are worth nothing of value bla bla” what does that even have to do with my comment? People be seeing things where there is nothing to be seen! I stand by my words, if he can take care of me then LET HIM!

      Do you have up to 1m in your own account? And even if you do, does that make you better than me? Does your “lofty” views even make you better than me. When God created Eve, it was not to help Adam name the Animals, it was to keep Adam company! And yes I am doing that, keeping hubby company. That does not make me a disgrace. Now you on other hand might be a disgrace to mankind for not knowing simple truths.

  57. Eva

    February 23, 2016 at 11:32 am

    @nahum and mama saffron. I am equally confused. Ain’t these the same women who claim to be feminists?? A man wrote this useless article and u all are applauding him? ? U all are so damp hypocritical. @hmmmm. I am so sorry for u. U complete him by living with him and in children ago? ? I greet u. Sit and home and continue to let him take care of u. Later u will come here to write anti Bella article….. Orishirishi

  58. Tea tea

    February 23, 2016 at 12:23 pm

    All you tea servers, kontinu. I pray that same tea will not choke you one day.

  59. LEM

    February 23, 2016 at 1:23 pm

    OK wait oh, Is it not on this same blog that William wrote an article about sharing bills and people wanted to eat him raw??? Now IK is talking about taking care of the household and people want to chew him?! Abeg households differ. Bottom line, do what suits you. For women, if you want a man to take care of you, good luck finding your knight. If you be wanting to do 50/50 independent woman, also good for you. Just remember it cannot be the same elsewhere so please don’t insult another for their preference/choice.

  60. M&

    February 23, 2016 at 1:28 pm

    Interesting article and comments too. Reading through I’m reminded of several things that seem related to each other:
    1) the article itself and the other one about monalisa…wanting to ‘be under a man’. Guess it all boils down to what each person wants, so long as it is understood the same way by the partner.
    2) IK’s wife’s Loubs and Linda’s handbag. “It’s her money she can spend it anyway she likes”….is that limited to single ladies?
    3) Traditional Oriaku vs Odoziaku. Initially in Igboland wives were designated as ‘choppers’ of wealth, now we have moved to ‘managers’ of the wealth. I guess it reflects the changing expectations of women.

  61. Busola Adedire

    Oluwabusola Adedire

    February 23, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    The equality argument on this post is flawed because Love is qualitative and not quantitative. How can you measure something that cannot be quantified? Where do you draw the line? Marriage is so multifaceted that one person’s strength in one area does not necessarily equate the other person’s strength in that area, and that is O.K. The other person would likely be strong in other areas where their partner seems weak. It is team work not a competition! Let’s assume a woman is a stay at home mum, does that mean she is less invested in a marriage because her husband decides to foot her bills? Let’s not forget that there is also some kind of ongoing balance between a man who makes money and a woman who is a full time home maker and vice versa. If you ask me, I think it is intrinsic for women to bring balance and stability to a home ‘with or without’ finance and nobody can take that from us. However, if you are shattering roof tops, that is just an added bonus which doesn’t add to or diminish your person. You are still you, and your love is still love! I believe there are different ways of doing things which would yield the same outcome. 2+2= 4, 3+1 =4, 2.2+1.8= 4. If one method doesn’t serve you, by all means… try another! Don’t make others feel like they are in a bad marriage simply because it deviates from the conventional.

    • Bella

      February 23, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      Busola, you always try to sit ont he fence but it says a whole lot about you.
      You try to do am not here, am not there.
      Now i see the person behind all your articles.
      Now i know why you are ………………..

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      February 23, 2016 at 5:10 pm

      I will sit on the fence on this one because life is not as black and white as everybody paints it to be. There are no absolutes! Human beings are complex, different and they act as a result of numerous things. It is not fair to hold a judgement on someone else’s marriage if you are not in it with them,

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      February 23, 2016 at 5:19 pm

      Perhaps you should also know that relationships are as unique as individuality. And nobody owes anybody an explanation for what they decide to do with their choices especially because we are adults with thinking capacity. See, I don’t have a problem with people choosing feminism, equality and whatever… just don’t think your way is the only right way things can be` done. Live, and let other people live!

  62. Chi!

    February 23, 2016 at 2:49 pm

    God bless u my darling IK, u’re so on point in all ur responses. u’re a man of integrity n I just cant stop loving u. thank u for ur definition of love, on paying d bills n everything. u’re an angel n I’ve met u a couple of times, u went out of ur way to say hi to me n respond to my greetings. u’re down to earth n u don’t let fame get to u. u’re still u. u’re d best. words cant describe how I appreciate u n ur words.ur wife is lucky to hav u.

  63. nyinye

    February 23, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    All these Madam saffron abi wat is her name, can you please take a cold bath so u can calm down. Wat somebody is doing in her home or how she nd her husband hav chosen to run their home is none of ur business. Abi will u come nd collect her husband nd help her marry him properly? You sound like u r so sure you hold all d keys to d perfect marriage but we all kno u dnt. Mind ur business, if you have an inside scoop on IK, it’ s not ur business to share. Ur home is not perfect either!

  64. Luvnaija

    February 23, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    just thinking out loud…what if IK’s star didn’t shine and his wife earned more than him would be still insist they lived in Ajegunle if that was what his salary could afford?
    A good marriage consists of a man and woman who have the common goal of building a formidable front(home) fill with joy,laughter and peace! Regardless of who earns more! For me the money is inconsequential I see it as “our money” it’s purely 100% contribution from both of us!
    Again a man who feels his dream would always swallow that of his wife is insecure, the sky is too wide for everyone to soar it doesn’t have to be gender specific!
    I find IK’s view amusing and idealistic! A reasonable hardworking lady should not base her choice of partner solely on his earning abilities! Some ladies are the missing ingredient for their own men to hit the jack pot by your intellectual,spiritual etc contribution to his life. I have a couple of friends who once shared this ideology of men being the sole/greater provider today most are still single almost to their 40s and now ready to settle even for men without jobs but educated/prospects sighs….me ladies prayerfully ask God to lead you and don’t judge a book by its cover!

  65. oil

    March 20, 2016 at 9:31 am

    if every human starts seeing every ‘un-ringed’ females as ‘fair game’.. I wonder the game strategies..women as the battle, the battleground…parable of the serpent seeing the infinite universe with its finite sight..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php