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Glory Edozien: 5 Things Tinder Taught Me About Dating

Glory Edozien

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GloryTo be honest I am not sure why I joined Tinder. Maybe it had something to do with hearing my EX took his latest squeeze to Venice on holiday; or that all my friends and family seem to be talking about new men in their lives and the only stories I can share are about my ex from 2012 and a date with a guy who was 7 years younger than me (I found out his age after the date, and no my name is not Stella) Maybe it was a combination of all these things and more.

For those who may not know, Tinder is a dating app which matches you with singles in your area based on your interests and friends – if you sign up through Facebook.

To some, joining Tinder may not seem like that much of a big deal. We are in the internet age after all, we pay our bills, watch TV, transfer money and stay in touch with a good portion of our networks via the internet, so why should dating be any different. Well, for me, it was a bit of a humble pie experience. Just a few months ago, my colleague joined Tinder and I had made such a fuss about her meeting only hook-ups and guys who were uninterested in anything serious. Fast forward 4 months later and let’s just say she is doing MUCH better than me on the dating scene. So two days ago, I put my pride in my mouth, downloaded the Tinder app and furnished it with 5 of my most recent and prettiest selfies.

In less than an hour, I was on a roll – swiping left and right and getting notifications of matches and chats. But I couldn’t help but think about just how similar it was to real life, and how I still had so much to learn about dating and even men. I know it’s been less than 72 hours since I joined, so there is probably much more learning to come; but, here are some of the things I have learnt already

Everyone is looking for love
I am not sure if this applies only in Nigeria and/or Lagos, but there seems to be some sort of stigma if you are a single woman who openly admits that she wants a partner but hasn’t found one yet. It’s almost like we are forced to pretend so we don’t seem desperate. The truth is EVERYONE is looking for love at some level or the other.

On Tinder there are people of every strata of society, people like you and I who are looking for meaningful relationships and friendships. Yes, some might have ulterior or not-so-kosher motives, but isn’t that the same with the average Joe you meet at a party or a club? Believe it or not, a few of the guys I am currently chatting with on Tinder are guys I already knew through friends, but we’ve actually never said anything more than a hello in person.

It’s ok to be a little picky
With Tinder it’s all about the swipe. Swipe left if you aren’t interested, and right if you are. Well, after the first few minutes of joining I realised I had gone through about 50 profiles and hadn’t swipped right even once. Ha! I had to calm down. Joining Tinder would be pointless if I wasn’t going to actually take a step and at least try to see behind the picture. But at the same time I didn’t want to just ‘like’ someone for the sake of it.

So I came up with some guiding principles. I only swipe right for profiles who share at least two mutual Facebook friends with me (except on the off chance the guy looks really hawt). I always swipe left for guys who take pictures in front of expensive cars, have topless pictures and put their fingers up in the air or have on dark shades in an enclosed room-I mean really? Also with descriptions, if it’s too long winded or has too many pointless abbreviations i.e. odawise, cuz, ryte or anything similar its a definite LEFT. My friends say I have carried my rubbish picky behaviour to Tinder, but I actually think it’s okay to have preferences. There are guys who will see my picture and make a definite left swipe and that’s okay too.

My somewhat rigid swiping criteria notwithstanding, I have had 13 matches with 5 active chats and conversations. They all seem pretty decent. Time will tell if they turn out to be scrubs.

You’ve got to put yourself out there – even if it’s just a little
Anyone who knows me can testify that my life is pretty much about work. If I am not at my 9-5, I am all about Inspired by Glory, reading a book or watching some series on my laptop. And on the occasions I do go out, it is with family and the same old group of friends. I don’t think I have met anyone ‘new’ in years – just regurgitating the same guys within the same circle. I can tell you for free it’s become rather dull. But being on Tinder has taught me something rather obvious: to meet new people, you’ve got to go out of your comfort zone. So asides from being on Tinder, I have made plans to do things and visit places I wouldn’t normally visit. It isn’t just about meeting guys though, sometimes we get caught in a rut in our own lives and there is much benefit to looking out of your circle and trying new things.

Old standards are the best standards
Online dating might be new age stuff, but a girl still needs to keep her standards within sight. The truth is whether you meet through conventional methods or online, guys will always test your limits and boundaries. They will push to see how far you will go, and sometimes in the euphoria of newness, you can get swept away, letting down your guard.

The first guy I chatted with on Tinder, was fun and quite friendly. I liked that we didn’t chat about who we were, but about random stuff. It kept the conversation fresh and a little exciting. Then he spoilt it by asking for my number and killed it by getting upset when I said no. I felt some kind of way about it, but decided to stand my ground. If his ego is that easily bruised, then that was definitely a red flag. The next guy asked me for a ‘quick preview’ of myself, I didn’t even blink when I said no. He persisted and I unmatched (blocked) him swiftly. Other guys I have chatted with have tested limits in various ways: what size are you? Is it okay to have your number? Can I call you? But I have decided to keep my limits firm until I comfortable enough to share more.

Having options isn’t a bad thing
I have always been a one man kind of woman. If we start talking and I sense that I may even like you in future, I stop talking to every other guy and focus on you. As you can tell, that hasn’t been smart. But with Tinder, it is completely okay to have multiple conversations going at the same time. It’s an unspoken guess that the person you are chatting with, is chatting with multiple other people and that’s okay too. If things get serious, then you both can make a decision to close your accounts and see where things go.

Bonus learning point- Keep it light
The most important lesson I have learnt is to take things one step at a time. I have never actually dated- almost every relationship I have been in has been long term and quite serious. So a part of me feels like I have never actually experienced the simplicity of just going on dates and meeting new people. My advice to anyone who may be in a similar situation is to take things one step at a time, enjoy the meeting and dating process. Don’t take every match so seriously. It isn’t further maths and we mustn’t feel compelled to make things work or force things to happen because we feel pressured or are at a certain age. Life will always happen.

If too many people don’t abuse me after reading this article (you know how you all can be) I may continue to share other dating experiences from Tinder. So if you never hear anything more about my Tinder experience, at least you will know why.

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

53 Comments

  1. Chu

    April 29, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Love the article. No bad mouth from me.

    • Hmmm

      April 30, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      I met the guy I’m dating now on Tinder. He superliked me and I liked him. Went on the first date and literally fell in love. I’ve never met a guy I completely let my guard down with immediately and so far its been waxing strong. I’ve always been super guarded and followed the book but decided to take a chance. Sometimes to get what you want in life, you need to take chance. If it turns out well then hey you’re lucky and if it doesn’t, you learn from it and keep moving.

  2. "changing moniker"

    April 29, 2016 at 4:23 pm

    i liked your Tinder Experience, Glory. pls do share more.
    I have a boyfriend, but i might just join Tinder to see what it’s like…but on second thought, wouldn’t it be unfair to those truly looking for a partner?
    it’s a case of catching fun vs spoiling market for serious people…
    i guess i shouldn’t jarey….
    Glory pls for my sake, tell us more o…we want weekly updates at least 🙂

    • Yewande

      April 29, 2016 at 4:48 pm

      What she said! Weekly updates abeg

  3. Duchess Maria

    April 29, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    Glory I always enjoy reading your articles and this one was no different. Great lessons to be learned!
    Please keep up with the updates on Tinder, I look forward to reading more.

  4. Noms

    April 29, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    I’m sure you won’t get too much “bad mouth”. I Just downloaded the app, I must be in the cave because I haven’t heard of it before.
    You would have done a vlog instead of the write up, I like the sound of your voice and gestures.
    Well done.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      April 29, 2016 at 9:34 pm

      It seems like everyone’s giving me recommendations for Tinder these days…. My friend joined & like Glory, I was full of scepticism…. And then the dates started rolling in. As in, homegirls was going on practically one date per day. I said, “Ah! You mean there are single men in this Abz??” She said “Dey there, you’ll even find Nigerians you’ve never met before”.

      Wondafuuu… Still too old-fashioned about certain things to fully jump onboard but maybe Gloria’s weekly updates might free my mind.

      Glory, always a pleasure to read from you. 🙂

    • Annie

      April 30, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      This is me too. I keep telling myself I need to step out of my comfort zone but…I dunno mehn. Like, I actually downloaded the app and then deleted it again without even setting up a proper profile. *smh*

    • Hadassah

      May 3, 2016 at 10:51 am

      Mz Socially Awkward….
      Missed you a bit… Stopped by to blow you kisses!
      Have a fabulous week Dear.

  5. Tinderbabe

    April 29, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    I’m so glad I joined Tinder. as someone who detest ‘hanging out’, etc. I think Tinder is a nice platform to meet a potential beau. lol
    honestly I cant wait to meet a guy who is a sapiosexual, fall in love and remain in love. it doesn’t matter if I meet this beau on BN or Tinder.

    pS.: Bellanaija, please can we have a match making forum on your blog? many thanks!

    • Mr. Egghead

      April 29, 2016 at 4:45 pm

      You detest hanging out yet you wanna meet someone?
      Confused much?

      You want Ushay to start match-making abi, so that you will have somebody’s head to break if it doesn’t work out.

    • Tinderbabe

      April 29, 2016 at 6:00 pm

      Mr.Egghead, I always knew you fancy me. C’mon let’s give it a try.lol

  6. busola

    April 29, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Well… my sister is getting married to someone she met on tinder. Never say Never!

    • Nani

      April 29, 2016 at 5:15 pm

      Wow! Nice!

  7. Hopefully

    April 29, 2016 at 4:41 pm

    Wow! Nice article. Never heard of Tinder until your article…i am tempted to try it out…cos i am single and searching. Cheers

  8. beevee

    April 29, 2016 at 4:44 pm

    Sorry Glory, why didn’t you give the guy your number. Shey you said you were enjoying the conversation. Or what happened?

  9. Babe

    April 29, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    Tinder taught me that things have not gotten that bad. I took that thing off my phone sharp, sharp.

    • ATL's finest

      April 30, 2016 at 7:25 am

      ????????????lmao! Ur comment got me rolling er’m u could ve just enjoyed the free lunch 🙂

  10. Abim

    April 29, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    I totally loved your review. I have contemplated signing up on Tinder and completely changed my mind afterwards. Your article was definitely humorous and encouraging. Do give reviews as you go. Keep us posted! lol

  11. Nikki

    April 29, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    I enjoyed reading this article! Oh, I’m with you on the one man woman situation, I’m like that, I tend to focus on one particular guy and stop talking to every other guy. Generally, I can multitask in other aspects of life, but not on this one. I guess it’s cos I can be pretty emotional and loyal. I’ve been advised to drop that habit, but I guess if it’s not in your nature, then it just isn’t easy to do. Please keep churning out lovely articles and I wish you the best of everything you desire. Cheers!

  12. esteem

    April 29, 2016 at 5:03 pm

    That’s a good write up. True story of a desperate girl, sometimes when you are looking for single girls you will not find them easily cos, they r all forming chakichan trying to hide the fact that we all need somebody. If u need a guy say it out o cos by the time ur desperation is noticed by those wrong men, they all will come for a trial and if u succumb your name is sowie. Make the decision nd be prudent in it.

  13. grace

    April 29, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    there’s nothing compared to a guy approaching you in public (asides online) and trying to woo you !!! I’ll take that any day !!! 🙂 With or without makeup too. dressed up or dressed down.

  14. Tosin

    April 29, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    I’m totally judging you. 😛 Could write an essay on how wrong this experiment is 🙂 🙂 Kidding.

    “What do you care what other people think?”

  15. busola

    April 29, 2016 at 5:16 pm

    I am on a dating site here in the Us and I am loving it.I was on the first two weeks without full subscription so my access was limited but within a week I got over 200 messages and I didn’t have a choice but to pay for full subscription. I am chatting constantly with 6 guys right now and we have even gone further by talking on the phone. I am yet to meet any one of them but plan to go on dates with all 6 before I finally decide who I want to be with but I have an idea of who already just need to meet to be sure. I believe my husband is one of them,

  16. sammiewolf

    April 29, 2016 at 5:24 pm

    Nevr heard of TINDER bhet I just myt try it cuz i lyk ur haticul, and tho am a guy, I can totally relate wif evry point u made. I rarely put maself out there, nd 2 say am picky is an undastatemnt bhet ama start tryin’. fenks.

    PS: I hop ma abbrvs av nt destroyed ma chances of chatting wif u on TINDA

    • Ewa

      April 29, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      Gosh, who writes like this?

    • GloryButNotGlory

      April 29, 2016 at 5:47 pm

      Re PS: ‘Dey av’.

    • Observer

      April 29, 2016 at 5:55 pm

      It has! Move along unserious boy!

    • Lool

      April 29, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      English language just had a swift death. RIP

    • "changing moniker"

      April 30, 2016 at 5:35 pm

      He’s kidding….. funny guy.

    • anythingbuttinder

      May 2, 2016 at 8:49 am

      Hahaha. Sammiewolf, you play too much..lol. If I wasnt seeing someone I met on a dating site (not tinder), I’d find you and drag you on a date..lol
      Breathe people. Its called sarcasm, and Sammie just got a right swipe for it :p Moving on

    • sammiewolf

      May 3, 2016 at 8:56 am

      Lol, don’t worry, I’ll find you!…and thank you for defending for me o, I had a sleepless night wondering why I got less than twenty likes while @Ewa got 45 for basically ‘attacking’ moi…but I leave it all to God o.

  17. namegetmahand

    April 29, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    Tinder here I come! Thanks Glory. Right article at the right time.

  18. Sky

    April 29, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    I chickened out of trying this Tinder business because of the Facebook sign-up system…

    Did you use your FB account or…?

    • Abim

      April 29, 2016 at 6:28 pm

      @Sky, Yeah, you have to use your Facebook so that you can also crosscheck the guys you like versus real people you have in common from facebook. I was also worried about the sign up but then you can check off the notification to post stuff from Tinder to Facebook..

  19. Lool

    April 29, 2016 at 6:24 pm

    ** Fast forward 4 months later and let’s just say she is doing MUCH better than me on the dating scene. ***

    Glory, you are a very beautiful woman and I think you should just keep being yourself. You so do not need to compare your progress to anyone else’s.

  20. tayo

    April 29, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    Nice ..you got me thinking….tinder !

  21. Venne

    April 29, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    Interesting post. I joined tinder and actually met a few good people on there. However, I’ve gotten the impression that tinder is reputed as being trashy, basically, there are hookers on there looking for work. I got off for that sole reason. I would hate for a “potential” to remotely get the impression that I was that kind of person. However, that does not take away the fact that I have met good people that I have gone on several dates with and gotten to know more closely.

    I personally think women and men should own the fact that they want love in their lives and do things to actively seek it out. In furtherance of this, ladies and gentlemen, I am going speed dating on Sunday. LOL.

  22. Heartbroken By Tinder boo

    April 29, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    I met the only guy that I have ever cried a river for on Tinder. We both swiped right, matched ourselves and got talking. It just seemed i had known him all my life, we never got bored of chatting with ourselves,he was quite open, honest and funny too.I started to like and fall in love with him, i decided to ask how far with his love life cos he was in his 30s and I didnt see anything suspicious when i snooped on his social media accounts. My heart sunk when he said he had a girlfriend (a serious relationship for that matter),he even showed me photos of her.I then asked him what I was to him, he said he just wanted a playmate, someone to do naughty things with. Sebi i would have jejely blocked or deleted him at that moment.

    After two months of chatting, he came to visit me at home and he was so cute.We ended up chatting while standing for close to 3 hours (from 9pm To 11.30pm) as I was afraid that he might do something nasty if I entered his car.Two weeks later, I returned the favour by visiting after much pleading, yet I couldn’t hold myself because of the attraction.we made out, kissed but no sex.It felt so good like I never been kissed before.Long and short, we had an issue caused by me, of which I apologised, begged, cried, sent messages, this guy didnt move.He will just read and ignore (some guys can be mean o) I had sleepless nights, wasnt eating, fell ill. I have never begged anyone like this in my entire life.all this happened within six months.

    He later said he had forgiven me saying he was sorry for leading me on. Mayhe irritated by my repeated pleadings,He eventually blocked me on whatspp and deleted my no. I still think about him everyday and regret everything I said but still I feel if he really loved me he won’t do all what he did or ‘Ghost” me.I still stalk him on Twitter and Instagram, may God help me.any guy i meet now that looks like him or talks like him, i start visualising he is the one. Funny enough, my friend who I introduced to Tinder a week after I joined( we were both seriously searching, lol)met her boo after dating for like 3 months and she is engaged now. That’s life..

    • *Real* Nice Anon

      April 29, 2016 at 9:32 pm

      Ndo. You played yourself though by continuing to talk to him after you found out he had a serious girl. He’s not the sort you end up with though because he’ll cheat with a willing girl in the future. Married or not. You aren’t missing anything at all.

    • Mr. Egghead

      April 29, 2016 at 9:42 pm

      You’ve been ‘dickmatised’. You need to get a grip

    • ty

      August 13, 2016 at 9:37 am

      sad

  23. French

    April 29, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    Yes please, BN

  24. Heartbroken By Tinder boo

    April 29, 2016 at 7:18 pm

    I have uninstalled the app too, didnt me any other guy that struck my attention like him.

  25. Simi

    April 29, 2016 at 9:11 pm

    itI joined tinder after I read an article about it on Bella naira. It’s been more of the good than bad for me. I have a couple of dates lined up already. And I do believe I’ll meet someone great there. I like the option of picking who I want to met or not without the person knowing too many details about me

  26. trae_z

    April 29, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    “But I have decided to keep my limits firm until I am comfortable enough to share more”

    #BroCode
    If you ever want to try out Tinder, or any of Stella Dimoko Korkus’s “Singles Mingle” episodes; you stand a far better chance at success when you don’t rush it.

    “I liked that we didn’t chat about who we were, but about random stuff. It kept the conversation fresh and a little exciting”

    Best way to go…ever! Just generally chat for like a week (If you make it that far, then you know you’re striking the right cords), after which her digits are yours for the asking/she’s yours for the taking.

    Thank me later!

  27. KZ

    April 29, 2016 at 11:11 pm

    I think you are unfair, you place yourself so high but you not that classic to be honest. I know it is not a bad to picky but my dear being too picky is BAD!. For me, you are NO NO, i can’t date a lady that judge me base on my look or the car that i drive. Good write up though

    • "changing moniker"

      April 30, 2016 at 5:33 pm

      Did you understand what she wrote? I bet you saw the part about “pictures with a car” and jumped into conclusions… go and read it again

    • Mak

      August 16, 2018 at 12:17 pm

      Please who are you again? Its Classy BTW ..you are very bad and unfair.

  28. YA!

    April 30, 2016 at 4:18 am

    Tinder! Mixed reactions. Met a couple of great guys (who aren’t ready for relationships). Friend zoned asap. No point staying hopeful. And then met a couple of uncouth, ill-mannered SOBs. It’s necessary to have personal standards and apply them when dealing with folk on Tinder, lest you be mistaken for a Tinderella (the other members of the community who are there for money-making hookups!). It’s still a great app for meeting people outside your social circles.

  29. Thatafricanchic

    April 30, 2016 at 9:53 am

    So inmet my boyfriend on tinder. We are waxing strong and getting to a year. Hes like everything I’ve ever wanted my relationship to be

  30. Dolly

    April 30, 2016 at 11:00 am

    Loved your review! Very entertaining and informative!

  31. Mak

    August 16, 2018 at 12:16 pm

    Very inspiring and strengthening

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