Jasmine Howson-Wright: Miss Independent or Self-absorbed?

Why is it that being a single, independent lady now almost translates as being self-absorbed and unrealistic? You cannot say no or handle your business anymore without being criticized – “Ahan, why are you living on your own, shey you want to drive all the men away?” or “someone cannot even get her number, who she be sef?”, “come, are you a Lesbian?”… just because you are not in a relationship and you don’t want to date ‘uncle’. You insist to pay your bill after dinner, you are feeling yourself or showing off. You are offered a ride and rather take a cab you will pay for, wahala! The list is just unending.

People just choose (emphasis on choose because more often than not, it is deliberate) to misinterpret every action you make because you are a single, content lady. Your simplicity and non-conformism to general ideologies, is translated as pride.

The Nigerian society wants a ‘subjective’ lady, one who says, ‘yes’ to everything. She should at no point be left on her own to grow; for what? You want her to go haywire or get pregnant? The average Nigerian man does not understand why a young lady he fancies shouldn’t date him or why any lady should hold back her phone number. Doesn’t she want to get married? It is so bad when it comes to these men and relationships that going to the cinema alone should not be seen or heard. People will ask why and immediately categorize you.

I need to understand though, why should it be an issue that a single lady says no? ‘Yes or No’ are both words aren’t they? Renting or buying and living in a house is a natural activity to humans; is it now gender sensitive?

Getting pregnant will be as a result of personal choice, either due to some moral deficiency on the lady’s part or any other personal valid reason by her and not for the sole reason that she lives alone in a house “she” purchased.

Dating is a choice. Why brand a lady stuck up because she hasn’t been and still is not in a relationship? Why even date when you don’t want to or haven’t identified the person of your interest, whose time will you be wasting?

Don’t you think phone numbers are too personal to be dropped everywhere? I mean: is a lady obligated to give such personal information just because “he” serves a mean compliment every now and then? And why can’t she see a movie trailer, love it and go watch one without a guy. I am either very mistaken and cinemas are relationship centers or, it is actually wrong to categorize a young single lady as self-absorbed because she chooses to have popcorn and a drink, watching a movie by herself.

Don’t get me wrong, personal character will definitely come to play in some of these cases, like I mentioned, living alone can be a good or bad thing for a lady when you put character and upbringing under the lens but that wouldn’t be narcissistic or self-absorbed still, would it?

My point exactly!

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