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My Neighbour beats up her Househelp…What Should I Do? A BNer asks for Advice

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Sad WomanA BellaNaijarian left this comment on a post.
Please share your advice on what she should do.

***

Please, this is totally unrelated but you guys should pardon the diversion.

So I have been awake all night pondering on how best to deal with the situation at hand. My neighbour has a househelp that is being beat up occasionally and very generously at those times cos I always happen to hear her cries and “please” to her madam and the sound of the lash from my flat above as well. I have always had this urge to go on a rescue mission but Le hubs always quench such thirst.

Now yesterday was different because I happened upon this young lady as I came back from work, she was soaked in tears and at first glance, I saw marks with streak of blood on her arms. My heart dropped and I stopped her and asked please what happened and who did this to you, she was shaky with tears and waved me off, I insisted and followed her with more questions; but she practically ran away from me, up the stairs and into their flat and banged the door, that was when I heard the madam’s voice, she was inside and close by the door.

I went upstairs and told my hubby that this was it as am going there to meet the woman, my husband said ok not now as the atmosphere must be tensed in there so it doesn’t turn a confrontation, pick another day in the weekend and go talk to her.

How do I meet this woman without losing my cool as I do not want to endanger the poor househelp and at the same time I don’t want to put myself in the harms way.

The househelp has been in that household since her early teenage years as she’s been schooled since JSS 2, she’s now in SS3 and should be around 17 years or 18.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

51 Comments

  1. ElessarisElendil

    April 21, 2016 at 5:37 am

    Well you could always call the police; she is technically breaking a law. This is however Nigeria so the best advice I have is offer to employ the housemaid and treat her better or………you know pretend she doesn’t exist.

    Good luck.

    • Main Squeeze

      April 21, 2016 at 9:28 am

      She is not a maid. She is probably a distant relative’s daughter or a neighbour’s daughter in the village. Why do I think so? If she is a maid she wouldnt go to school, she would scrub the whole house from morning till night because her madam needs to get the “quality service” for her money.I am saying this based on the fact that she beats her mercilessly. If she is a maid she wouldnt have stayed there for about 5 years, No way! I can bet you the girl was entrusted to the madam to take care of her that is why she treats her that way. Maids dont stay for a stretch of 5 years without returning home. They go home atleast once in a year and if they dont find a place convenient they go and serve elsewhere.

      The girl doesnt want to talk because has no one else to go to. The madam is probably her only surviving relative.

      What to do? Report to an NGO.

    • Tunmi

      April 21, 2016 at 5:06 pm

      That’s what I was thinking too. Either call the police and hope for the best, or employ her. The girl wouldn’t stay if there was a better alternative

  2. raker

    April 21, 2016 at 5:47 am

    Madam, MIND YOUR BUSINESS.
    So many people won’t be in some situations now if they only minded their business.
    Do you know what the house help has been doing?

    • banana

      April 21, 2016 at 8:30 am

      hmmmmn, until she kills the house help abi, what if the house help were to be your own daughter?

    • Green

      April 21, 2016 at 8:31 am

      So whatever the househelp has allegedly done justifies such senseless beatings?

    • dee

      April 21, 2016 at 9:16 am

      You are so stupid! Its obvious you beat your house helps and your husband batters you as well. Money miss road oloshi

  3. Blessed

    April 21, 2016 at 6:00 am

    Talk to the madam calmly and make her understand the dangers of what she is doing.
    Let her know that the girl is of age and if she continues this way, someone might see the girl and offer to help her report to the police or the girl can even do it on her own.
    Thirdly, watch her closely, if she continues, take up the case and report her to the police.

  4. le coco

    April 21, 2016 at 6:20 am

    i dont think you should confront her.. because this woman will only make life harder for the house help.. considering the fact tht the girl is in school.. no matter how much beating she receives, she wont leave… please call the police and have her locked up… it is against the law.. and follow up by trying to get employment for the girl… perhaps ask a friend if she is in need of a house help.. etc.. because if the girl comes and works for you.. that is another wahala

  5. Emmanuel

    April 21, 2016 at 6:34 am

    Hmmm… Please don’t go and meet the woman. Make an anonymous call to the authorities.

    Don’t play the role of an adviser to a sick adult (Parents deal with kids, the system deal with adults). Let “the system” teach her. She will fight the system (not you) but the girl (maybe) treated better or taken from her.

    Its better for her to fight the system than to fight you (an individual). She (probably) knows what she’s doing is morally and legally wrong but her (out of control) emotions don’t seem to align with her logic.

    Again, some children were raised that way (by the adults in their life). Cain, sweat, pain and blood are the only reset buttons they know. Any other method will fail with them. This doesn’t legitimise the method, it however, allows for better understanding of the situation.

    So the situation is deeper and bigger than you. For your safety, peace of mind and forward movement, report anonymously and let the system deal with the situation.

  6. Anon

    April 21, 2016 at 6:34 am

    God bless you for having compassion ! Please go and speak with your neighbor before that girl gets deformed. Talk to her, woman to woman, don’t defend the help but correct her if she had any wrong by saying, don’t do that again, knowing is wrong. If you defend her, you have just added more beatings to the help. Talk to the woman and plead with her, knowing that it’s not easy to train children these days, ask her to use other methods of disciple besides beatings.

  7. cicimeleko

    April 21, 2016 at 6:35 am

    I feel your empathy and pain but you need to weigh out a lot of options before you venture into this quick sand.
    Are you willing to take her in right away and employ her and further her schooling?
    Are you willing to accommodate all the trash talk that will come from your neighbors based on untrue stories floating around?………………………………………….
    You can fill up the rest questions.
    my point is for such a senseless neighbor that does not value life so as to beat up another human to stupor you can’t have any reasonable or logical conversation as she will fill you with uncountable reason for beating the young lady hence your waste of time and endangering the girls life more; should you decide not to take the young lady right away..
    So my dear if you are ready to throw caution to the wind more blessings to you as i admire your courage and willingness to help other wise WAKA PASS O!

  8. Paul Adeyemo

    April 21, 2016 at 7:27 am

    This is the hypocrisy of gender equality. I can authoritatively tell you that 90% of women with house help/maid abuses them in Nigeria. How these women different from wife beating husband. Domestic violence against women is not different from domestic violence against children who are illegally and immorally employed as maid which is a pure form of slavery. The same woman beating a child will come to bella naija shoutong and bashing naija men of domestic violence. An average naija man/woman is heartless and aggressive

    • Net

      April 21, 2016 at 8:36 am

      They have come. You know men don’t beat their house maids.

    • Californiabawlar

      April 21, 2016 at 9:16 am

      You are kinda right. Truth hurts.

    • Josephine

      April 21, 2016 at 9:58 am

      Paul Adeyemo, 90% you say? Where did you get your stats? Your point about abusing the vulnerable whether its a wife or a maid is intelligent. It should prick the conscience of those who need it but don’t tar 90% of women as aggressive and lacking self-control. Maybe 90% of those you know. Beat a maid for what? If you can’t stand her then sack her.

    • Ginger

      April 21, 2016 at 10:15 am

      wow another superfluous reason to bash feminism. Feminism advocates equal treatment of ALL genders, irrespective of class, age, race, sexuality etc. There is nothing hypocritical about gender equality when most of the women who fight for the rights of nannies and childbrides fall into the feminist spectrum. It’s probably a cruel new-money fantasy most Nigerians harbour, coupled with the fact that most people equate power with cruelty aka ‘no nonsense.’ The woman MUST go to prison for enslaving and maltreating an underaged child, and technically, if the neigbour ignores, she has also sinned before God and man. Please stop bashing a movement that has fought for women’s right to vote, go to school, get employed,seek divorce, fight against marital rape etc The feminism you bash has also urged men live without feeling the need to be hypermasculine, gotten men paid paternity leave, fought for male rape and domestic abuse victims etc

  9. Mr. Egghead

    April 21, 2016 at 8:05 am

    Please don’t engage with the woman. You may only make things worse for the girl.
    Can you make an anonymous report to the Police or Civil Organisations? If you inform Mrs. Joe Odumakin, she could take it up.
    Also, NTA News likes to pick up stories like this. You can make a report at their office so that they can pay visit.

  10. Rufina

    April 21, 2016 at 8:19 am

    Aren’t there NGO’s that look out for cases like this? If this girl has been living in this type of environment for so long then there is a problem. Biko, find an NGO that have saved other maids and helps and get them to rescue this girl before she will grow into a maid-beater herself or lose her life in the process.

  11. Tincan

    April 21, 2016 at 8:27 am

    Wow! Serious something but you know how we are always hearing on here that Nigerians are so religious, well here’s my advice: get those videos of demon confessionals off YouTube (see Emmanuel tv, UCKG, that kind of something),get google images of hell fire (print in colour) and share these with her. Tell her you had a ‘revelation’ of where she’ll be spending her eternity. Tell her that the demons in the videos looked like her room mates in hell. Tell her that you saw, furnace being heated by 7 times for every time she abused that child. Then offer to pray for her. That should do the trick.

  12. Tosin

    April 21, 2016 at 8:38 am

    personally i’ll just say hey, where are your people? what happened? do you want to go home (takes one minute altogether) and give her small money and tell her why not get her things (if any) and disappear.
    i know it may not be good enough or just enough but that’s my way. I can not be fully responsible since you have your own central processing unit, but I can help. i’m sure other people have better answers so I can learn.

  13. Green

    April 21, 2016 at 8:42 am

    Are you in Lagos? Please, contact NAPTIP. They handle such cases very well, plus it is a government agency.

  14. Green

    April 21, 2016 at 8:43 am

    Lady, to be honest, I don’t see this ending well regardless of how much diplomacy or tact you want to apply in this your talk. The wise and safe thing to do is to stay out of it, true, but “the man dies in all who keep silent in the face of tyranny” and this passive “I-just-dey-observe” attitude is what got us where we are in Nigeria. Go ahead with the talk anyways(to give her the benefit of the doubt and be fair), then proceed with the anonymous call to the police thereafter. Though I’m sure she’ll probably figure out it’s you anyway.

  15. Ozyy

    April 21, 2016 at 8:54 am

    Please call an NGO quickly and go there to lay your complaints before going to the madam. GOD bless you..

  16. Evil women

    April 21, 2016 at 9:18 am

    I am yet to see one (1) lady/woman who doesnt maltreat househelp or maids.

    From shouting at them, complaining about their inadequacies, finding fault in everything they do, slapping them to beating them

    Why are you ladies/women like that?

    I have witnessed this from close associates, visit to people’s houses….

    Don’t you know that their IQ is not as sharp as yours that is why they are maids/helps? Why will they be maids if their intelligence is at par with yours? You expect them to reason your own way-but that cant be

    You people should fear God o.

    • adelegirl

      April 21, 2016 at 9:45 am

      Don’t be silly please. I know a lot of women who do not maltreat their live-in maids/househelps, etc. I am one of them. I treat my househelp very nicely, even if I say so myself. I always have it at the back of my mind that she could be my sister. In fact she shares a room with my blood sister and they sleep on the same bed. She eats and drinks whatever she wants, when she wants it. I don’t dish food for her or have a separate set of utensils for her or any such rubbish. She watches TV (and is always recording annoying Afmag movies on the explora) and is allowed all the liberties I would allow my sister or anyone living in my home. I pay her a very good salary and pay from everything from making her hair to all her toiletries to ensure she saves as much as she can. When she travelled home in December, not only did I give her a Christmas bonus, Christmas present and money for her mum, I also paid for her transport fare to and from her hometown, And yes, I do scold her just as I would scold my child, sister or anyone else. No one is above scolding in my home. She will be starting a skill acquisition class soon which I will pay for, to ensure she has skills that can make her self-employed and even an employer herself when she decides to stop being a live-in maid. And I know a few of my friends and acquaintances who do the same for their helps too. I am tired of people demonising women with maids and tarring them with the same brush.

      This woman is mean and I would advise the poster to find time to speak to the maid and find out what she can do to help her, privately, perhaps, paying for her to return to her parents or getting another job for her and then make up her mind to do it, Then, she can report the woman to the authorities. Or like someone else as mentioned, get NAPTIP involved. If the poster is bold enough, she can also confront the woman and tell her that if she persists in abusing her maid, she may have to get the authorities involved.

    • AANUOLUWAPO OYEDELE

      April 21, 2016 at 9:48 am

      I can take others but the first sentence is a no to me, probably you’ve not met my mum cos i can remember she treats her househelp like hers, even when i call she will be the one to say you didn’t ask of paulina, she’s here oya speak with her,i can remember mums 50th birthday, our househelp was in the family picture we took.
      When u care for what she eat and wear and she’s in school believe me her brain will work well like other children.
      Back to the issue i suggest the woman report to NGO’s that are around her so she doesn’t turn to the woman’s enemy

    • Sansarai

      April 21, 2016 at 9:49 am

      I was following till the point where you said…”don’t you know that their IQ is not as sharp as yours that is why they are maids/helps?” Sorry o @Evil Women but that right there is very simple and juvenile reasoning. Being a house help has NOTHING to do with intelligence and everything to do with poverty, a lack of opportunities/education and just…life circumstances! I have known house helps that were extremely intelligent and made me wonder what heights they would reach with proper education and mentorship. On the flip side, I know several “madams” that are intellectual midgets. Don’t forget that many of these househelps also come with a generous gifting of emotional intelligence, knowledge of human psychology and “wayo/village sense”. Please don’t reduce their occupation and path in life to a lack of intelligence. Adding more insult to a group that are often mistreated, ignored and stripped of human dignity

    • Ginger

      April 21, 2016 at 10:22 am

      I doubt that the IQ of nannies is less, that’s a harmful stereotype that we need to do away with. Being poor, uneducated and having a weak command of the English language are not measures of intelligence. If anything, they act so meekly because they are overworked, underpaid and anxious about messing up. I agree 100% though, that the treatment of nannies or subordinates in general in Nigeria is appalling. Government frustrates CEO who frustrates employee who frustrates his wife who frustrates her children and the nanny.

    • Evil women

      April 21, 2016 at 11:49 am

      Guilty conscience be disturbing you all

      You all know yourselves how you maltreat these girls at home.

      Why do you shout at them? You expect them to do everything perfectly and reason along your line of thought. If they cant, what does that tell you? They are not as smart as you are. If they were, they wouldn’t be maids

      Kontinu

    • Ginger

      April 21, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      “Dumb” people with opportunities end up learning trades. Not sure anyone would be a maid in Nigeria where there isn’t abject poverty. And let’s not count the ones that are sent to live with their “aunt” who is meant to “train” them. No gain in defending a point that is totally (and morally) wrong

    • adelegirl

      April 21, 2016 at 12:20 pm

      Wow! You are really quite daft, spouting puerile offensive bile. If you have a maid/help, I am certain he/she is way more intelligent than you are. And if you think maids are not as intelligent than their madams, otherwise they won’t be maids, you have just exposed yourself as someone who treats his/her employees really terribly. Do you know how many maids have gone on to become successful educated people? If mine had shown an interest in furthering her education, I would gladly sponsor her. She is smart, proactive and intelligent. She will definitely do well for herself one day. Most are maids not because they are daft but because of the limitations of the environment they grew up in and quite a few go on to do well for themselves.

    • Josephine

      April 21, 2016 at 12:49 pm

      People shout at their own children. Even saints get upset. Most of us know not to treat human beings like animals or treat someone else’s child any differently than we treat our own. We can’t all be perfect like you.

    • Dee

      April 21, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      What a dumb statement. They are working as domestic staff (I hate the word ‘maids’) usually because of poverty and their parents’ consequent inability to look after them, not because they’re ‘not smart’. Many of them are extremely intelligent and just need the opportunity to be cared for and educated. A lady I grew up with (I actually call her my cousin because we regard her as a member of our family) went on to earn an excellent university degree while under my parents’ roof. She now has a wonderful family of her own, and a great job. She is extremely smart and would be highly insulted by your patronising comments. And I know many others like her. For your own good, please try to stop relating with evil women and try to interact with decent people who treat their staff the same way they treat their children: with love, dignity and respect.

    • Dee

      April 21, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      I will add that of course many Nigerian women are mean, harsh and even criminally abusive towards their domestic staff. It is the bitter truth and that needs to change. But the reason why we should treat domestic staff very well is not because they’re ‘not as smart’ but because *every* human being is entitled to love, dignity, patience and understanding. To the poster, please do contact NAPTIP as someone advised.

    • Proud Momma

      April 21, 2016 at 1:01 pm

      @Evilwomen, you need to change the kind of people you hang around. Your derogatory statement about maids IQ is wrong. How can a person’s IQ be judged on the work that s/he does? Most maids are in such a position cos of financial crisis their parents are facing.
      For your information, My adopted daughter was brought in to work with me as my maid,, after a few months of observing her, I enrolled her in school. She’s been with me for 4 years and She is now in JSS3. She has always come top of her class #ProudMomma

  17. Adebola

    April 21, 2016 at 9:39 am

    Where are you based? my advice is to report to NAPTIP, National Agency for the prohibition of Traffic in persons; here is their Hot line: 07030000203, 0800 Call NAPTIP (08002255627847) website: naptip.gov.ng

  18. BOONDOCKS

    April 21, 2016 at 9:40 am

    NA WICKEDNESS GO KILL YOU!!! IDIOT!!!

  19. adelegirl

    April 21, 2016 at 9:59 am

    Don’t be silly please. I know a lot of women who do not maltreat their live-in maids/househelps, etc. I am one of them. I treat my househelp very nicely, even if I say so myself. I always have it at the back of my mind that she could be my sister. In fact she shares a room with my blood sister and they sleep on the same bed. She eats and drinks whatever she wants, when she wants it. I don’t dish food for her or have a separate set of utensils for her or any such rubbish. She watches TV (and is always recording annoying Afmag movies on the explora) and is allowed all the liberties I would allow my sister or anyone living in my home. I pay her a very good salary and pay from everything from making her hair to all her toiletries to ensure she saves as much as she can. When she travelled home in December, not only did I give her a Christmas bonus, Christmas present and money for her mum, I also paid for her transport fare to and from her hometown, And yes, I do scold her just as I would scold my child, sister or anyone else. No one is above scolding in my home. She will be starting a skill acquisition class soon which I will pay for, to ensure she has skills that can make her self-employed and even an employer herself when she decides to stop being a live-in maid. And I know a few of my friends and acquaintances who do the same for their helps too. I am tired of people demonising women with maids and tarring them with the same brush.

    This woman is mean and I would advise the poster to find time to speak to the maid and find out what she can do to help her, privately, perhaps, paying for her to return to her parents or getting another job for her and then make up her mind to do it, Then, she can report the woman to the authorities. Or like someone else as mentioned, get NAPTIP involved. If the poster is bold enough, she can also confront the woman and tell her that if she persists in abusing her maid, she may have to get the authorities involved.

  20. Cheekie

    April 21, 2016 at 10:05 am

    [email protected] Women,what an ignorant statement…That they are working as maids does not mean their IQ is low or not as sharp as their bosses own…Maids have gone on to become Doctors,lawyers,business owners,excelled in academics…Damn it your thinking is so myopic,why will they be maids if their thinking is at par with yours? Really? Did you seriously type that…You haven’t seen maids who do way better in school than kids of their bosses.. That you are not or we are not working as helps/maids is not because we are better…They were born the same way you and i were born,just thank God theirs is not your story/journey.. My mother’s maid/house help went on to University and even has a Masters degree… It takes a good employer to discover the gifts of their good house helps/maid..

    Not all of them are bad,they just need to be understood and loved and treated right. It is by his grace that we were born into the families we ended up in…

  21. Josephine

    April 21, 2016 at 10:08 am

    BN poster, if as some are saying here all or 90% are so vicious you wouldn’t be losing sleep over this issue. God bless your kind heart. You are your sister’s keeper. I would advise you to please avoid that woman. She might turn on you. You are neighbours so you don’t need strife where you live. Just alert an NGO or the police. Let them handle it. They have the authority and expertise. Don’t take the girl in. Her madam is a troubled person but she might have traits you don’t know about like stealing.

  22. Replying to Cheekie

    April 21, 2016 at 10:57 am

    @ Cheekie, I think you totally missed the point @Evil Women was trying to make (Although, I agree with the wrong choice of word – IQ). What I believe he/she was trying to say is that the rate of exposure of most maids/nannies is quite low compared to those of their bosses (This has nothing to do with what they are capable of becoming in the near future, given the right resources and exposure).

    Its baffles me that people treat maids like they are less of human beings as they are just because they work for you. Can you allow your boss at work to lay a finger on you? Most employers employ under aged girls as maids and expect them to behave with a certain level of maturity, that’s unfair.

    I remember back then when Boko Haram had allegedly sold the Chibok girls and people were quick to condemn the act (Obviously, I’m not in support selling children), I was in the office that day and I asked my colleagues how many of them had maids younger than 18, and they all did, Point is the only reason BH was “successful” with selling the girls is because there is a market for it either selling them off as wives or as maids. Of course, they tried to justify their action by claiming that they were giving the girls a better life and most maids could have been in a worse state if they were still in their villages, I agree! but why don’t you do the right thing and not employ them in the first place (that’s the law). Look, there’s no difference between you and a man who has married an under aged girl (Irrespective of your intentions), Its a statement of fact and against the law,

    Having said that, pls people when you are employing these maids ( I call them helps), employ girls that are over 18 and understand that you have to work on them, kind of shape them to what you want and if you are not that patient or you have tried, then let them go, find someone else.

    You can’t treat people like animals (Even though I believe animals should be treated well too, story for another day) and expect them to deliver, you can’t treat your nannies unfairly and expect them to show love to your children, how hard can it be to just let them go if they don’t meet up.

    P.S – I’m a mother of 3 and I’ve had a nanny (I don’t and have never had a maid) for over 5 years and while she can be very annoying at times, I honestly believe the only reason she has stayed this long is because I treat her as part of the family (Luck could be on my side) but there’s no evidence of that so I’ll stick with the good relationship we’ve had over the years, lol.

  23. hezekina pollutina

    April 21, 2016 at 12:56 pm

    why do nigerian families assign house management and chores to strangers and relatives? why cant you clean your own house and mind your own kids. or hire people who are day workers and then go home? all the boys quarters, drivers and live in house help is the legacy of the colonialists. its what they needed for themselves, but naijas like follow follow mumus just adopted that when the brits left, never asking WHY? doing guy guy running mini-plantations ni. if the house is too big for you to clean, then dont get such a big house. cut your cloth according to your size.

  24. Tilda

    April 21, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    I don’t know what the laws are like in Nigeria. This person seems like a vunerable adult. If she is not disclosing there really isn’t much you can do in terms of intervention or even referal to whatever service there is. I feel confronting the mad madam could escalate the violence against the maid. Calling the popo will do the same especially if the maid is not ready to disclose.
    In terms of practical hands on help prehaps offering the maid a safe haven may encourage her to leave the abusive employee. At present if she has no other options she’s just going to stay were she is. So my advise if you really want to help would be practical support
    1. Signposting to a safe haven ( be sure to remain anonymous so that you don’t become a target of mad madam.
    2. In order to do item 1. You will need to gain the trust and of the maid, befriend her, investigate and assess her support system. I.e family, friends.

    Getting involved could be a minefield. Do your research, in as much as you’ve got good intentions be careful not to escalate the violence.
    Think it through get a good plan.

  25. Suga

    April 21, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    Well i can only say a lot of people here may be biased because a house help is involved. What happens to spare the rod….? I remember my mum spanked us her children when we were persistently naughty and I believe it helped molded us to what we are today. I still believe spanking is an effective way to punishing a child for correction. I think the problem is how much beaten was given if when over – done or abused then it becomes a problem because some parents beat their own children not specifically out of wickedness but out of the best way they have known forever even from their parents to train a child. I would advise you find the best time to go to her flat, start a friendly conversation and advice the woman that she resist from beating her so hard enough that would give her blood y marks that she should try not to be beaten her very often, also considering the girls age. I believe any reasonable neighbour would take it well instead of calling the police or any Ngo cos that would probably not go well for the neighbour especially. I do not also think a relationship between a husband and his wife should be compared to for anything with that of a woman and a house help. They are completely two world apart therefore citing such example when it comes to beating would mix things up and we would end up at making no point let alone addressing the issue at hand.

  26. aramid

    April 21, 2016 at 1:49 pm

    Dis topic is a hydra headed monster, I had a neighbour dat owns a bakery at olusesi bustop isolo, she beat her former maid till she broke her hand, I was like,y beat her? send her packing, me am too humane and kind, dats y pple take me for granted,bcos pple can bring out d monster in u, 2 times I got house boys for my elder sis, dey turned out to b molesters, both were both under 10 yrs , dats why am sad,d no of adults molesting kids is 80%,my sister brot her neighbours kids and her kids to play,she left dem in parlour went to buy caprisone,came back and met her neighbours granny in tears, wat happened?my sister hs boy told all d kids to strip and play with demsleves, only d gal said no and my sister’ s hs boy beat d oda kids into submission, my sister out of anger beat d hs boy and took him back , hs boy’s moda told my sister dat she will see, ,next day my sister lost her 9mth pregnancy, I hope ur neighbour’s maid isn’t molesting any body?

  27. deni

    April 21, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    Keeping it real here…Having a househelp can be a very tricky issue. You’re blessed when you get a great one but sometimes you’re stuck with the other end of the spectrum and you get someone who can turn you mad! I’ve started out with a househelp and my husband said she changed me entirely but he also joined sometimes punished her (squats or frog jump) when he couldn’t stand the “wicked things” she did. I was stuck with her for 2 yrs (my naivety in using an agent and not having a direct access to take her back home,… poor girl too didn’t know the way) and after that opted for an elderly nanny. Ehn ehn, not doing child labour anymore. Children should be with their parents and go yo school. Na extreme poverty cause all these mess.
    Lessons learnt: be careful who you bring into your home. 1. Always have what I call a forwarding address ( return the child back home if she’s bringing out the beast in you) 2. preferably put them in school or have them learn a trade (another tricky one cos some of the help may just not be interested in investing in themselves)3. Ultimately though treat em like you would your own child, if not don’t endanger the child and bring disgrace on your head….SEND EM BACK HOME.
    My advice,.. If you have a rapport with the woman find out what’s provoking her and advice her soundly. If not, give the girl NGO/Action group contact if she doesn’t feel safe talking to you. Either ways be prepared to follow through.
    God bless you for speaking up about this!

  28. skits

    April 21, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    @hezekina, so if you are living in Lagos and would have to leave the house by 5am to get to work and you also happen to have 2 or 3 kids, your advice is for the person to first of all live in a single room and then not have a job so she can care for her home and her kids? Please if you have not been there, don’t come and talk any how Biko! The point is if you have helps, try and treat them like you would treat your own. On another note those helps too, when you treat them well, some of them will now become terrorists in your own house.
    Then for the poster, i think you should report to the authorities anonymously because women that are wicked like that can go to any length to harm any body they deem enemies.

    • hezekina pollutina

      April 22, 2016 at 10:37 am

      i hear you its not easy, but also couples should consider family planning and see what they can handle ahead of time, build up slowly.

  29. Loran

    August 1, 2016 at 10:00 am

    I agree we have also an albanian house maid in my home in greece but my wife abuses her very bad she whips her with her belt very bad until the maid cryies and begs also she humiliate her every day her in publik and i cant do anyhing

  30. Liz

    August 23, 2017 at 1:25 pm

    Do you why I made that comment about child labour under the story of the Doctor whose maid turned daughter got married recently?
    Poverty & non-enforcement of existing laws make rational people do things they know are inherently wrong under the excuse of bettering a child’s life.
    The Doctor seems like a kindhearted person. Still, if she being a medical doctor working in Europe saw nothing wrong about broadcasting how she engaged in child labour, what would you expect from the Nigerian society at large?

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