BN Single Parent Pod: After the Break Down of her Marriage, Ebony Chose to Live with Spunk & Purpose

This year BellaNaija introduced the BN Single Parent Pod as an outlet for single parents to share their experiences. {Click here if you missed it}. We kicked off the series with Shola’s really touching story, Anita’s Story  and Jane’s story. Today, we’re going share Ebony’s story.

*
After Ebony’s wedding in 2010, her life was filled love and everything was rosy; then the baby came and the peace and love shattered. Her husband became emotionally abusive when she came back to Nigeria after the birth of their baby. She tried to figure out what had gone wrong but she failed with every try. Where was the man who swore to love and protect her till death? One weekend, things got so toxic that Ebony decided to go spend a few days at her parents’ house until the storm settled.

Ebony recounts: “He said he was glad we left and never came for us. I begged frantically that I didn’t want a separation or divorce but he refused to the extent of changing the locks at our home.”

It has been three years since that time and Ebony has managed to pick the pieces of her broken heart and care for her child in a single-parent home. She said: “I felt so hurt because our child truly didn’t deserve to be brought up by separated parents. “

Ebony’s story filled us with a lot of warmth and optimism and we hope you’re inspired and encouraged by it.

***

This is Who I Am
I’m a warm,friendly and quiet young lady in my early 30s with over 9 years work experience in the financial services industry. I’ve a got BSC. and MSC. I’m a home-girl if I must say, as the first girl in a family of 5 siblings.

Knowing I Was Gonna Be a Mom
I was super-excited when I found out that I was going to be a mum. It was the 3rd pregnancy I had since I got married as I miscarried the first 2. I prayed earnestly and fervently to God to keep this one for me and being the good God he is, he answered me.

The Crack in the Glass
After I returned from having my daughter my (ex) hubby became highly intolerable, aggressive and uncaring towards me. I tried all I could to understand what was going on but it became worse. At this point my daughter was just 3 months old. My mum left earlier than planned because of the frequent quarrels as she thought she needed to give us space to sort out ourselves.

After one terrible fight we had, I decided to leave for my parents’ house for the weekend and also to give him some space to think through all that has been happening since we had our child. So the next day after he left for work, I called my parents to let them know I was coming. At first they were against it but they later agreed.

When he got back, he saw the note I dropped off for him. He then called my dad and said all sorts to him with no respect. Two days later he showed up with his sister. Not sure what he came for as he wasn’t remorseful or intended to take us back.

My dad asked for a family meeting with his dad but he shut down the idea and said he would never do that. He left afterwards with his sister and that was it.

He never came back ‎for us; rather he sent my daughter’s stuff through his driver and sent a box of my clothes through his sister.

I never wanted to be separated so I begged and tried getting back into the house but he changed all the locks. I did all I could do to just meet and discuss our relationship but he wasn’t for any of it. So I finally let it go knowing I had tried. He keeps threatening to serve me divorce papers but I still haven’t seen it.

The Innocent Party – My Daughter
I haven’t explained the situation to my daughter as she’s too young to understand. I will eventually when she’s a bit older.

Tough Times Never Last, Tough People Do
The most difficult part of being a single mom was me crying everyday and wishing he was with us to see her grow and do some funny stuff. I’m surrounded by my amazing family and some friends so right now, there’s no difficulty as I easily get all the help I need.

My most exciting experiences are whenever we go out together, the way we bond while I take her to school, all the funny stuff she says and does now…especially the first time she called me by my first name.Lol. Everyday I spend with her is an exciting moment for me.

His Family & Ours
He and his family members barely see her as some of them haven’t even seen her since when she was born. So I guess she can’t have a relationship either good or bad with people who haven’t seen or talked to her.

I try to avoid every form of conflict by not being in touch or talking to him as there’s always a negative vibe whenever I do.

Building a Relationship with my Ex For My Daughter’s Sake
I try to make him see her by dropping anything he needs from me at her school so he can use that opportunity to see her, but he barely goes there. I used to send him her pictures without him asking or putting it up on my dp for him to see but I stopped it. I didn’t think it was appreciated and I figured if he really wants to see her he should make an attempt to either go to her school, or ask me to bring her for a day out with him

Dating Again?
It’s been difficult trying to get into a new relationship because I feel if someone I loved, married and had a child for can still hurt me so bad, then who is that person who wouldn’t hurt me?‎ Besides, a part of me make me feel like I’m cheating on him since we aren’t officially divorced.

However, I’m too young to give up on love and right now I’m taking it one step at a time.

Support System
My family, best friend and most importantly God has been my rock. Not sure what or where I would have been without God as he keeps showing me unconditional love.

Words on Marble
Take is easy on yourself as life is too short to feel sorry or bad for yourself. Always engage in activities you love and make sure you are surrounded by positive energy. Talk to God everyday and he will make life easy on you and you wouldn’t feel like you are missing out on anything. ‎God’s got you,trust me!
Don’t rush into a relationship just because you want to get over the other person or make him feel jealous. With God,everything you ever wanted will fall into place at the right time.

Photo Credit: Oscar Williams | Dreamstime.com