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Must Watch! Banky W, Toke Makinwa, Lami Phillips, Michelle Dede & Bolanle Olukanni talk about Fatherhood & the African Mentality

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This episode of EbonyLife TV’s “Moments” is quite interesting to watch.

The ladies of the show – Michelle Dede, Toke Makinwa and Bolanle Olukanni are joined by music stars Lami Phillips and Banky W as they discuss father figures and the African mentality/stereotype surrounding men.

They talk about everything from the fact that fathers are not as celebrated as mothers to modern day parenting and how men have come a long way in Africa.

Watch below.

59 Comments

  1. amazon

    August 5, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    waiting on comments..

    • LemmeRant

      August 5, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      Just asking. Not yet watched the video.

      But what do any of these people know about fatherhood?

  2. iyke

    August 5, 2016 at 1:59 pm

    Toke’s demeanour and line of arguement is scary and unattractive!
    Banky, always conscious of the ‘good image’ brand, diplomatically and intelligently addressed all the questions asked.
    Personally, I have no problem cooking as I enjoy it myself but as an Igboman, born and bred in my village, I will be surprised and of course question a woman who doesn’t know how to cook. I thought it’s natural for a woman to have that skill.
    Lost your virginity at 20? Your own better sef ….I lost mine at 27 to one Bini girl like that. Not that I was saving it for marriage …..my own be say no girl gree for me lol. She just pity me collect the cookie, waka.
    (Just messing)

    • Engoz

      August 5, 2016 at 3:23 pm

      You thought it’s natural for a woman to have the skill of cooking? Where are my emoticons when I need them? I don laugh tire. My brother it ain’t natural o, because there is no cooking gene. This is a learned trait and not a biological disposition. Both sexes can/should learn how to cook. Now some people may love it more than others. I just googled top chefs in the world, most of the images are men. Lmao! So Iyke get-a-cooking. We need to rethink some of these things we have internalized from our society that are being paraded as truths.

      Yeah Toke’s demeanor is weird.
      I have never fallen for the hype of the mother role. I think African women over-hype the mother role to compensate themselves for all their sufferings in the marriage, lmao. They may even go as far as poisoning the kids against their father. Always, always preferred my dad! Nigerian moms are too emotional for my liking, like the mother’s character in Skinny Girl in Transit. Such antics does not work on me o. After you have displayed, I go tell you say I no go do wetin you want make I do, oya do your worst. My mom has learned to present her points calmly to me. I go dey laugh for my mind…see this woman that used to do gra gra, lmao.

    • Pearl

      August 5, 2016 at 4:35 pm

      It’s not NATURAL for a woman to know how to cook! It’s a skill that has been imposed on women over time, and have carried on. I’m not saying some women don’t enjoyyyy cooking, some do, but cooking is not in our DNA. The only reason it seems like more women enjoy cooking is because we are the ones imposed to know the skill regardless of choice and thereby we find out that we might actually like it. If cooking is imposed on more men, like being independent is forced on women regardless of the view that “Men are providers” maybe more men will find out they actually like to cook.

    • iyke

      August 5, 2016 at 5:06 pm

      @Pearl
      Really??
      Nne,your ignorance is contagious! Biko put it on a leash and be fluent in silence.

    • Tayo

      August 5, 2016 at 6:35 pm

      Explain why Pearl is ignorant?

    • Fade

      August 6, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      I tire for Iyke oh. Ignorant how abeg?

      Iyke please get well soon. This is clearly not you on a normal day.

    • Damilola

      August 5, 2016 at 5:13 pm

      Cooking is not even a big deal. If you don’t know how to cook, you will have to learn at some point even for your own survival. You don’t have to be a great cook but know how to put one or two meals together. As a lady, I don’t even like men who don’t know how to cook at all. I’ve dated, know men who know how to cook very well including my dad(my mom doesn’t allow him though). I don’t know what some women are expecting. Wants the man to take her out to eat majority of the time or what. Cooking is better and less expensive than eating out at restaurants. It should be where there’s no option and luxury time.
      If men are expected to be the main person taking care of bills, taking care of their family, it’s ok to expect women to know how to cook or clean. My mom cooks and dad washes the dishes.
      Banky W, always trying to be nice and appear understanding.

    • Mz_Danielz

      August 6, 2016 at 9:22 am

      Dede Iyke. I thought it was natural for men to provide all their family’s financial needs, build at least a duplex on the Island and buy their wives a car after the birth of each child but alas, imagine my surprise when I am told we need to manage and support our husbands.

      I am a full blooded Igbo geh too and a man not being able to do all these surprises me. I thought it comes naturally with being a man.

  3. beauty

    August 5, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    Iyke, I like you, lol. That said, a woman should know how to cook, its part of her being able to cater to the home. However, if she doesn’t know how to and her man still decides to marry her because he loves her and overlooks that, good for them. They’ll just get a cook and pay. It’s not that hard. Or is it?

    • iyke

      August 5, 2016 at 2:37 pm

      @Beauty,
      do you know how much it costs to pay for a cook?What about child care and house keeping?
      It’s your choice if you subscribe to hiring an edible caterer anyways…. I however keep wondering how the woman that I will end up with will feel if am the one that cooks in the house always,pays rent/mortgage et al and at the same time make love to her.
      You see,much as I subscribe to equality et al, let us be guided and partner in such a way that will not hurt eachother.
      Every man born of a woman was breastfed…what does that tell you?Even in old age,men are still nurtured by women.You own men…Stop dragging power that you already have.
      I want to come back home to my wife’s embrace and eat her sumptous meals whenever she’s free to do that.It’s her home…her nest.
      I want her to know how to cook but don’t NEED her to cook.

    • beauty

      August 5, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      Okay Iyke, I can’t say otherwise to an Ibo man, I’m Ibo btw and trust, I do know how to cook!! On a lighter note, would be nice to cook for you, lol. (flirting mode activated, hope it makes us friends)

    • iyke

      August 5, 2016 at 4:15 pm

      @beauty
      Correct babe…Owu ihe iji nwayo ekwu?
      In Nedu’s voice…Let the hustle pay…..Haaala!??
      Honestly, I admire your courage…? Absolute pleasure to be friends with you.But note,I love unpredictable kisses and unforgettable laughter.
      You ready??

    • slice

      August 5, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      Iyke is that Igbo for what’s your number?

    • le coco

      August 5, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      awwww. iyke and beauty… ??. enjoy. oya swap details kia kia..

    • www.musingsofjudgejudyjudy.com

      August 5, 2016 at 11:45 pm

      Hehehehehe! Iyke and Beauty, sitting on a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g! Lol!
      And that’s how these two hooked up on BN!

    • iyke

      August 6, 2016 at 2:28 am

      @beauty
      If you can drop me your email or how best to reach you,I promise to reach out to you!✌

    • Jojjoba

      August 6, 2016 at 11:17 pm

      Iyke so that’s how you’ve moved on from Mz Socially Awkward abi? See this life ehn… ?

  4. bruno

    August 5, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    a woman should know how to cook
    a man should know how to cook
    a teenager should know how to cook.

    now pls can we stop with this cooking ish. besides what is so hard about cooking. the hard part is washing plates.

    who should wash the plates? the husband or the wife?

    • iyke

      August 5, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      I wash my plates you wash yours…everyone happy.
      You come to my house,eat my food,drink my water,belch and didn’t wash your plate?You go vomit my food that day.
      What kind of bad manners is that?

    • mo

      August 5, 2016 at 4:18 pm

      what is wrong with you this guy…cant you see beauty is flirting wt you…biko leave all this talk and send her a msg

    • Fashionista

      August 5, 2016 at 3:20 pm

      Lol. And me I don’t mind washing plates oh. Infact I enjoy cleaning generally. The cooking on the other hand, I know how to but I loathe it.

    • Sisi

      August 5, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      I kuku despise both of them, if not that they are a necessity in life i.e. I love food and can’t stand dirt/mess I wouldn’t bother. Strangely enough I don’t particularly like other people preparing me Nigerian meals. I will happily cook for me man (husband) people are just turning this thing into unecessary drama.

    • stick to whatever works for you and Bae.

      August 5, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      and here i am, i can sleep in the kitchen making you meals all night long till dawn but don’t give me dishes or clothes to wash oo, i’ll do anything to skip that anyday. and God decided to give me a man that won’t stress me to cook yet i want to feel obliged about cooking his meals but he isn’t freaked neither is he freaked about me doing the laundry, we have someone who does that weekends. Do i say i’m lucky? lol i still maintain my role in the kitchen even when i return back late from the office except he orders for pizza or crispy fries before i get home. Biko stick to whatever works for you.

    • Anon

      August 5, 2016 at 3:29 pm

      The husband and the wife should be able to operate the dish washing machine…

  5. anony

    August 5, 2016 at 2:39 pm

    Toke is very defensive and coming off as aggressive..chill out madam

  6. anony

    August 5, 2016 at 2:42 pm

    I have to say again..toke looks scary..she needs to stop bleaching,,if its doable..shes becoming white in an unattractive way..and im not hating..you just need to look at her again…

    • dazzy

      August 5, 2016 at 3:10 pm

      stuff it! please pay attention to the issues discussed .

    • FasholasLover

      August 5, 2016 at 7:28 pm

      Thank you. I was enjoying the banter until Anony decided to pour sansan in the interesting convo’. Wharahell!

  7. Tosin

    August 5, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    Lol at all this ‘a woman should’ and ‘it is natural for’

  8. @edDREAMZ

    August 5, 2016 at 3:14 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    Marrying an illiterate is the best way forward abeg.. It will save you all this wahala no lie….
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • Jojjoba

      August 6, 2016 at 11:20 pm

      But you don’t have a choice Oga Ed.

      Which same literate in this galaxy will marry you?

  9. chief

    August 5, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    look at this young man trying to please those ladies.Banky,you are a wimp and woman wrapper.My father told me as a child that a real man don’t cook for his wife.How can a real man cook for his wife? It’s a taboo from where i come from.

    • le coco

      August 6, 2016 at 8:29 am

      You must be from narnia.. mumu.. u nd ur father shld go back there.. meanwhile I will be praying for your mom

  10. kk

    August 5, 2016 at 3:17 pm

    Chai Banky has finished ‘that husband’ o

  11. cnn

    August 5, 2016 at 3:42 pm

    its so weird to look at!! toke’s palms are yellowish color funny cos thats what happens when u rub bleaching creaming for a long time. iv noticed that on a lot of bleaching babes. yellow palms

  12. Sisi

    August 5, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    Awww that’s cute Lammy that you have this amazing set up however let’s keep it 100% this is absolutely not the general narrative/reality of Nigerian fathers. Not to say they don’t exist and those ones are not under celebrated more widely however just look next door, in your own family, your mates etc to get a general picture of fatherhood in Nigeria. Let’s keep having these discussions and encouraging the gradual change we are seeing. On a separeate note, Toke I love you but this your signature glow is not good at all, your skin colour/make up is looking alien like.

  13. Dzy

    August 5, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    Colonialism….. “The African mentality” what in the world is going on with us. Is this show in America or in Nigeria. Am hearing words like “dead beat dads”, “baby mama”. We are criticizing our family structure based on western culture, can we also look at the finished product how do the Kids turn out, The children commit suicide due to “bullying”,they shoot up places when they are unhappy, the high level off entitlement, they send their parents to old peoples home when the get old.
    Let our culture evolve out of necessity internally, that is the natural way. The West has the monopoly of media, but that should not over power our identity. A people can only achieve greatness when they own and project their identity to the world. The Chinese and Japanese have maintained their cultures.
    I am proud of Nigerian music industry, they are an example of what am saying. The have owned our identity through the sound and language the use in their songs. People across the world who do not even understand the language listen to it and love it.

  14. bijouxthisbijouthat

    August 5, 2016 at 4:31 pm

    I am sorry to digress but i couldnt help but notice Toke’s almost milky self… its getting scary now guys..
    Anyway i think this cooking subject is over cooked(yes pun intended). These internet age people sef…

  15. mela

    August 5, 2016 at 4:45 pm

    @Iyke and Beauty…..Pls can you people continue the conversation…..lol…..Am so enjoying it.

  16. Asa

    August 5, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    Toke, a Senior Advocate is a Senior Advocate whether he becomes Governor or he is VP. SAN is SAN.

  17. Ab

    August 5, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    Banky cooking won’t be a big of a deal for you cause you still cooking for 2 or 1 (aka yaself ) for now….when u have to cook a storm for a full house and figure what it is that you will prep for ur family and it become a daily activities and brainstorming session then you will realise it’s a big of a deal…but hey boo I ain’t mad atchu just come find me!! Lol! Messing….Toke is not polished at alllll, she’s like one of those chicks that looks good., smells good, dress well but then opens her mouth and there is zero class! And pls none of her bffs aka supporters should come after me cause bunnies I ain’t gon respond ! Girl u need to clean up nice in the way communicate or present it ideas but well done on ur hustle I like it —end of the day it’s not always the ones that clean up nice that get to the top! Lami speak real good , love the sound of her voice , pronounciations and the way she puts her opinion accross respectful, not In ur face or overly dramatic ! Don’t know the First Lady who opened the show’s name but mama u speak well too and have a good carriage! Banky…always diplomatic and all…it’s ok to disagree oh but I like your way…well done ladies y’all do good !!

  18. Ab

    August 5, 2016 at 6:17 pm

    *speaks * pardon the errors Lool

  19. JustSaying

    August 5, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    i still respect Banky as a man – he has this gentle aura. He is so humble.

    But i swear my OCD self have me looking at him all sideways since i saw the state of him room on his Instagram page. Neatness is something i will never compromise. I am a neat freak To each his own. Everyone has what they can and cannot deal with. i cant deal with untidiness – it irritates the fk outta me.

    I will do all the cooking and cleaning but please be a neat man not just outwardly but the home. I mean i am talking neat neat neat. I change towels twice a week, sheets twice a week, no hair chips in bathroom -wash bath tub after each bath with SOAP and sponge – same with sink after brushing teeth. Clothes folded neat. I will train my kids to the core. And yes i have dated guys who are even neater than me, so i do believe they are out there and i hope i marry one day. I don’t even care if you snore for the whole neighborhood just be neat is all i ask.

    I know some men who are married to the dirtiest women – i dont even take a glass of water from them when i visit. Kids all unkempt, hair a mess, kitchen and bathroom absolutely disgusting – seeing a glimpse of their bedroom horrified, and small space london living is no excuse. I once saw a knife stuck in a yam in thier living room. I guess she was watching tv or nolywood movie as she was cuttign the yam.

    Having several kids is no excuse. I know a lady with 5 kids and she is extremely neat and has all her kids were trained before age 6 which i plan on doing. Home smells fresh (regardless of african foods cooked) they live in a two bedroom flat in London. Neatest person ever. I love her.

    Eeei Banky he just be forming goody goody so women will fall more in love with him. he is such a gentleman i must say (except that pigsty room scared the shit outta me – all that crush i had for him went out the window fiam)

  20. JustSaying

    August 5, 2016 at 6:36 pm

    point of correction, I dont have ocd – i am simply a neat freak – I just learnt they are totally different. I took an online test which tells me mine is Neat Freak – OCD is a bit extreme. i am not crazy like that. But i still want to marry a neat freak though or someone who can at least compromise and meet me half (or 3/4) way 🙂

    • Mimi

      August 5, 2016 at 6:43 pm

      I like this discussion. and in 2016 yes both mom and dad have to help each other.

      Justsaying yes i am a neat freak too and not ocd. I know how dirtiness broke my auntys marriage, cos her ex husband was always being disgraced whenever they had guest, Kids were never groomed neat for church school etc. House was always in a dirty state almost like a dirty horder . – always buying buying – plastic rubber everywhere- roaches rats etc. They live in london too. Extreme,

      The main difference between “neat freaks” and people with OCD is that “neat freaks” like being neat. They want to be that way because they feel like it helps them and keeps them productive. People with OCD wish they weren’t that way, but feel they have to do their rituals in order to prevent some dreaded catastrophe that is unlikely in the first place. OCD is based on fear. OCD rituals are responses to obsessions. “Neat freaks” do not have obsessions like people with OCD do.

  21. Ethio

    August 5, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    i tire for the “supposed to cook” arguments, noble na you cause am

  22. Olori

    August 5, 2016 at 7:51 pm

    @Iyke and @Beauty love on BN. Continuu (In Mama Peace’s voice). All of you talking about Toke’s skin kindly MYOB and tend to the pimples on ya faces ?

  23. Bolanle

    August 5, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    Please who is this lady in a dodge weave?? Not lami thou. Her voice is very scary. She sound like a man with a force accent. Please be normal Abeg. Is enough toke is bleaching we know Move on..

    • ogeAdiro

      August 5, 2016 at 10:06 pm

      I think I actually found her more interesting because of her voice. Who normal epp?

  24. Fact

    August 6, 2016 at 2:10 am

    Go easy on Toke. She seemed to be only bringing the real concerning issues to the table….I like that Lami was trying to balance it out with a more positive perspective but it seemed like she made it about herself a little with some humble bragging. Nothing wrong with keeping it real, it helps to encourage others in crisis. No ones situation is perfect.

  25. Gorgeous

    August 6, 2016 at 7:34 am

    Ok, I am a feminist, but I think a woman should know how to prepare healthy and good meals if you want to be a mother. I would not support my brother marrying a woman that cannot cook either as I make the conciliatory effort to improve myself. I had a strong mother but she could. Cook for the world. And I can cook a feast all by myself for a party. A girl my brother was dating lost out on him because she could not even grill chicken. That’s crazy. By the way all my brother’s can cook. But my brother’s are providers, and work so hard to provide. So the woman in his life should embrace cooking most of the time and healthy meals too because he especially needed his meals to be healthy. To each their own, but I think knowing to cook as a woman if you want kids is very important. And knowing to cook healthy and nutritious meals. Who wants to be a mother that feeds her kids takeout or fast food while they grow so obese. Even having cooks without monitoring what they cook is dangerous.

    • Gorgeous

      August 6, 2016 at 7:40 am

      Conscious not conciliatory

  26. Tobereal

    August 6, 2016 at 2:50 pm

    You women..when the man starts eating outside and develops man boobs una go dey complain or lured by the cooking of another woman?…stop dragging every issue..most guys when single cook…when wifey is tired I order something or make a little something. ..Allow the manand kids savour your dishes..I can’t even eat outside very rare…why should I?….if you can’t cook.. learn..
    If young men could learn how to cook during Uni years or after leaving home..why can’t you??
    Last time I checked Nigeria is in Africa and not Europe or America..
    African mentality [email protected]@. …and what do you expect from Banky??

  27. Mimi Festus

    August 6, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    Love me some lami! she’s young and gorgeous. She came off quite positive here as always. I mean, that’s just her personality which I think made the conversation balanced. Banky is such a gentle man with a great sense of reasoning, so glad he was on the table.
    I think cooking is a big deal in our African context and that couldnt be negotiated ladies. At least not now, you don’t necessarily have to be a great cook, but honey you gotta learn how to do it.

  28. sheun

    August 7, 2016 at 3:05 pm

    …………. and you want the home to be successful . what does Banky know about home management, what does toke understand about fatherhood and probably marriage? these folks are as good as their perceived opinion of these subjects and as much as possible trying to be ideal, sounding like a little mix of African + western culture does not deliver the job.

    its irritating for a lady to give us an example of male chef and that’s enough reason for his wife not to know how to cook? I mean what has gone wrong with our ladies,,and am sure your parent did not bring up that way, why should cooking even be our area of concentration ,its a skill that should flow freely for a woman that carries substance to her marriage except you know you are not getting involved with anyone so that your incompetence would not rub off on people around you.

    most of the leading women voices in Africa today started their lives being a woman of substance, their relevance was not restricted to their blossoming career alone, even their kids could feel how much of a woman of substance they have been at home, their husband are satisfied that their wives could radiate such dexterity ask Folorunsho Alakija or Tara Fela-durotoye. and here you are carrying empty master’s certificate with 2ook pay you still have the guts to openly defend your ineptness.

    if you have to be married, then DO IT, stop making a case for your uselessness. # let it be a family not a business center#

    • Tosin

      August 8, 2016 at 12:34 am

      ?
      you sha like free food 🙂

  29. Tosin

    August 8, 2016 at 1:03 am

    Fun Video!!!

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