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“I needed to stop being the girl everyone called an evil mistress” Ese Walter pens Emotional Piece on why she got Married & Growing to Love her Husband



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Ese Walter of Femina Speaks recently penned an emotional piece talking about how when she first got married she used it as an escape and not because she loved her husband. She explains how the first couple of months were very difficult and how she eventually grew to love her husband by first loving herself.

She says:

When I agreed to marry him two and a half years ago, I didn’t love him. Heck I didn’t love my own self. I just needed a change of story. I needed to stop being the girl everyone called an evil mistress and “graduate” to somebody’s Mrs. I thought the Mrs title was going to save my ass and bring me some sort of redemption. I was wrong.

Calling what happened next a disaster is putting it mildly. Weeks into living together brought out the worse in both of us. I thought I made a mistake. I didn’t trust him so why was I married to him. We would argue over everything and I convinced myself I wanted out despite the baby on the way. In therapy I was able to face my own demons for the first time. I realised it was never about him or the other guys I dated. I was always looking for a fix outside of myself. I was always needing someone to take away the pain and save my lonely self. I was looking for what I wasn’t because I thought that could heal me.

Months of living outside my comfort zone and going where the pain was brought me face to face with my demons that saved me. I didn’t trust him because I didn’t trust me. I couldn’t love him because I had no love to give. I was always blaming him because it was easier to project than take responsibility. As I started to evolve and see my own self, I was able to see him for the first time. As I started loving myself, I was able to love him and now as I learn to trust myself, I am trusting him, one day at a time. As I lay beside him last night I remembered a quote I read some time ago. I don’t remember who said it but it read, “when you love the one you got, the one you got becomes the one you love.” When I stopped trying to change him and let him be, I was able to give room for his own evolving. He ain’t perfect. Who wants perfect anyway? I am learning that all is as it should be in the Universe, there are no mistakes only feedback. The Universe brought the one I needed for my evolving and I am thankful. GRATITUDE is my dominant feeling this morning. If you are struggling with the one you love, know that the world’s standard of love is f*cked up. Vibrate higher and love because of love.


  1. ElessarisElendil

    September 1, 2016 at 2:05 pm

    Ehm, why was EVERYBODY calling her an evil mistress??

    So if have the gist of this correct, she married a man she didn’t love just to escape stigma from EVERYBODY. To cap things off, she hooked the poor man down with a baby??????This lady is ice cold!!


    • Gold digger

      September 1, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      How is she ice cold though? Because she expressed herself? GTFOH

    • ElessarisElendil

      September 1, 2016 at 4:48 pm

      “When I agreed to marry him two and a half years ago, I didn’t love him.”

      “Heck I didn’t love my own self. I just needed a change of story.”

      “I needed to stop being the girl everyone called an evil mistress and “graduate” to somebody’s Mrs.”

      “I thought the Mrs title was going to save my ass and bring me some sort of redemption. I was wrong.”

      Like I said its impressive. Think of it as like a gold-digger being bold enough to say they were in it solely for the money.

      Can’t even give compliments these days.

    • sherifat

      September 1, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      She had an affair with a married pastor some time ago and it was known world wide.

    • TY

      September 1, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      @Elessaris una don come again. It’s not hard to notice you COZA people. So many people who went through what she did in the hands of pastors are not bold enough to do what she did (coming out), and she suffered backlash from it. We react to things diff, and she thought at that time, marriage will give her succor, she is now saying that she was wrong, marriage won’t give you succor, it has be from yourself, heal by yourself, love yourself, it is not dependent on getting a Mrs. title. In her marriage, she swerved from seeking that validation and began to love herself, now she is loving not because she wants redemption from a scar but because of love. Why is it so hard to understand Ese’s piece?

    • ElessarisElendil

      September 1, 2016 at 4:52 pm

      Nope I mainly have a problem with her claim that EVERYBODY hated her. I didn’t care, still don’t. I mostly commented because her piece reminded me of the Thundercock and Beta theory. Rare to see a woman openly admit, I’m complimenting her you know, since you brought up comprehension.

      I strike you as a COZA member?????????? Interesting.

    • De Duchess

      September 1, 2016 at 4:51 pm

      Don’t say that, you have to realise that abuse victims go through series of emotions. Most times they are after their own happiness, so they affect others.
      That is why, if we need a happier community, a brighter environment, we have to fight abuse. We need to talk about it.
      Ese spoke about it but she got backlash in return. Why? Because Nigerians believe that men of God are God himself.
      There are people that need to hear her story. I understand that there are people out there just ready to exploit and move forward without any effort, but we have to be considerate of the plight of others.
      I’ve always thought of her as amazing and really bold, since I first read her story, some three years ago.

    • shalewa

      September 2, 2016 at 10:56 pm

      She was not victim of abuse puleeeze

    • Dele

      September 2, 2016 at 12:28 am

      Oh my goodness! I don’t know who you are. Matter of fact I don’t care. Just know this……I LOVE YOU! Lol

    • POK

      September 2, 2016 at 9:37 am

      You ain’t gat chill at all. Lol

    • NIRA

      September 2, 2016 at 2:06 pm

      So all that sweet vow I heard at their wedding was not real at the time? And I thought how sweet, deep and meaningful their vows were!

  2. Baby gurl

    September 1, 2016 at 2:11 pm

    Wow I’m so happy she got to fall in love with him at the end of the day. Thank Jesus. I wish people would realize that we don’t need validation from others to feel worthy. No matter how perfect anyone looks from the outside everyone is facing their own demons. So why would you base your actions on the reaction from these same people. They may even be worse than you. Remember the men that were about to stone the woman that committed adultery to death. Jesus told them if anyone was without sin they should go on and stone. What did they do? They all dropped their stones. Do you. Be you. At the end, it is between YOU and GOD. I love your frankness and courage Ese. God bless you and your family.

  3. pearl

    September 1, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    @Elessaris ar U sure ur comprehension skill is apt? So from d whole write your up d morale u cud get is that she trapped d man with a baby? Did u read @ all? It’s ur type that will rejoice after English exam that it ws easy only to discover when d result is released that u failed woefully. Omashe ooo

    • Chouchou

      September 1, 2016 at 4:49 pm

      Rotfl the English exam analogy

    • ElessarisElendil

      September 1, 2016 at 5:01 pm

      Interesting how you’re making a conscious choice to spell badly.

      Anyways. we each entitled to our biases. You believe she initially manipulated the guy into marriage (unless she told him she didn’t love and was using him to get over her emotional issues, in which case my apologies) but its now alright she’s fallen in love.

      I happen to think her manipulation was wrong and that having a child with somebody you manipulated is messed up. Plus the kid gives her a leg-up in chaining the man down. Something almost every man is paranoid about. We disagree, it happens.

      I’m shocked an English maestro such as yourself does not understand people interpret the same text differently. Maybe join a bookclub or I don’t know write book reviews on Amazon..

    • mie

      September 3, 2016 at 12:08 am

      cough cough..nothing “chains” a man down… cough cough..

  4. Marlvina

    September 1, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    We all have gone through terrible times in our lives. We grow and learn from our past mistakes and experiences. Whatever her story was, shouldn’t be our focus now. Most importantly, is she has grown to love herself and also appreciate and share that love towards her husband and family. Love thy self first and you will see the love in others. Very Inspiring!

    • Tosin

      September 1, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      Amen to this.
      To Wale, let her share her story please. Why? Because that may be what God wants her to do. She is a full, complete, and divine being with or without her husband, so it’s not all about … whatever you’re thinking.

    • shalewa

      September 2, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      So whats the stand of the husband in all these? Is he really happy with all this disclosure after the initial brouhaha?

  5. Wale

    September 1, 2016 at 2:28 pm

    I understand the message in this post but Ese, should this have been posted at all? You could have said all these to your husband alone. This is coming from a married man, this isn’t a needed post

    • Anon

      September 1, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      These are real life issues that many people contend with but can’t talk about. Why do people in our society like silence? Everything is taboo. Don’t talk about sex, difficult marriages, abuse in marriages, pastors taking advantage of young people, etc etc. She will help many people by speaking up. Just as she helped many people by speaking up about the COZA affair.

    • shalewa

      September 2, 2016 at 11:00 pm

      Who she eppppp? Up till today, norin norin from the other party…….

    • Ms. Jackson

      September 2, 2016 at 4:27 am

      I don’t see any problem in her posting it, because truth is many out there need to hear different perspective about life and it does help a handful of folks. The Nigerian culture is one that likes to hide and be secretive about things n issues, yet folks are dying in so much agony and pain. I really think a lot of folks going through the kind of things she went through would be really helped by this.

  6. Bade

    September 1, 2016 at 2:33 pm

    Poor guy. What his eyes must have seen ehn.

    • le coco

      September 1, 2016 at 4:37 pm

      I say Brave man… I remember ones penning a comment down on BN a while ago telling this lady to LET HIM LoVE YOU.. it isn’t easy.. she was hurt.. its normal.. but this man chose to love her through all the damage.. through all the pain.. He was willing to see the good in her despite what ppl said.. that guys is s good man.. and I know Ese wasn’t intentionally doing wht she did . when ppl are hurt and abused.. they tend to react a certain way.. but it’s all Good.. God will restore your life and your trust . It is well with the both of you.. and all those who were mocking you.. I.e those people from that church that we know.. GOD CAN SEE YOU

    • Omab

      September 2, 2016 at 12:27 pm

      Truly a brave man, I once heard him speak about how he was the one who encouraged her to come open about the story after he received a lot of questions on why he would go ahead and marry such a person. It’s really refreshing to see a guy love like this irrespective of the past knowing that we are all humans and have our weaknesses.

  7. Tusman

    September 1, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    Ese for crying out loud this is something you and your hubby should talk about in private. I pity this guy you married. Am not judging you but it sounds like you are seeking attention. Every couple deals with similar issues at the onset of their marriage . Nor dey rubbish your husband for outside like this na haba. Everyone has a past but we all move on.Please stop acting the victim and continue to work on your marriage. Trust God and yourself You were such a lovely girl in high school whatever happened to you?

    • Ms. Jackson

      September 2, 2016 at 4:32 am

      Lif happened to her, just like it’s happened to millions of us all. Why can’t folks let people be who they are??? This is who she is and she can’t be like you or everyone else. Please let her be and I can bet you her husband is comfortable n happy with the her she is… Any other thee opinion is secondary and irrelevant.

  8. olajumoke

    September 1, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    Did she really need to post this? When these things now get out of hand, we won’t hear the last of it…keep it to yourself please.

  9. AB

    September 1, 2016 at 2:57 pm

    I understand what you say @Wale but perhaps this will help others too who may think they are alone. And I guess she would have had a conversation with her husband prior to publishing this (I hope!), and if that is the case then no problem, I guess for some men its not a problem at all and for some it will be an Ego killer! Yall too fragile I know but hey to each their own

  10. Divorce her sharp sharp

    September 1, 2016 at 3:01 pm

    See life!

    The guy came to save you from your public mess, showed you love….only to return it with evil.

    Why marry him if you didnt love him? Hubby shey you have seen this? Divorce her sharp sharp. She just used you!

    • Ms. Jackson

      September 2, 2016 at 4:36 am

      A lot of folks marry people they never loved in the first place, but over time grow to love and appreciate them. Please take a lot at the Indian culture for example and you’ll see that this abounds. Even take a look around at the Nigerian society and you’ll see that it abounds as well. There is no crime in not loving someone before you marry them because love grows. You’ll find out that people fall out of love easily these days because the “love” the initially had before marriage was there but never grew, hence it died. Like anything that has life, if it’s not watered and tended well, it surely dies. Love grows my dear, it surely does and I’m glad hers has grown deeply and immersely for her husband.

    • shalewa

      September 2, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      I hope the man does not change oooo

  11. Multiple chance

    September 1, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    this is actually encouraging for someone like me about to marry someone I have no feelings for. Maybe they’ll grow.
    Good share Ese

    • curious!

      September 1, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      yes dear, in some cases love grows! in others it doesn’t! how if it doesn’t in your case? my dear pls I beg you, don’t put someone through such an unfair risk! don’t make someone suffer for crimes he didn’t commit. not every one is as strong as ese’s husband….you read where she said the marriage was initially tough?

    • Shola

      September 1, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      My dear pls don’t try it#Chikena

    • Onome

      September 1, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      [email protected] – don’t do this. Ese is going through some issues and keeps discovering herself. She is” losing and finding” her self…I wish her love and light. I applaud her bravery and openness as she has gone through a lot. Please if you don’t love your partner…do not get married please. To prevent stories that touch.

    • ElessarisElendil

      September 1, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      Just tell them first, let them decide. Pretending you love them is just wrong, be upfront about it, not everybody believes in love.

    • Fashionista

      September 1, 2016 at 7:30 pm

      Don’t do it!

  12. Sisi

    September 1, 2016 at 3:23 pm

    Whilst it is a sensitive subject between 2 people I am sure (hope) the writer expressed her wish to share this with the wider public with her husband and he has agreed because they are both in a stronger position compared to where they were – they are wiser, more loving and considerate of each other since the lessons have been learnt and are now confident in there love to want to be able to share the lessons learnt with others. It’s these type of frank discussion people need to be having – managing expectations and keeping it real so others can avoid or resolve their own similar situations. Thanks for sharing dear.

  13. mia

    September 1, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    And we’re still awaiting the robust response. toh.

    • M&

      September 1, 2016 at 3:56 pm

      Yes o!!! Still waiting!!!

    • le coco

      September 1, 2016 at 6:00 pm

      meehn.. that robust response.. e don teh! it amazes me that people can still follow a pastor so blindly.. I am not even agains a pastor that sins.. The amount of times my pastor has divorced ehn.. e go shock you.. The amount of sins his wife committed before she found christ ehn.. you go fear.. but they speak about it.. they don’t behave asif it’s their God given right to sin. they communicate that they are only human . but this Coza man ehn.. I Don tire

  14. Gbemi

    September 1, 2016 at 3:34 pm

    Privacy is a virtue…… On a different note

    Dear Married people,
    Please wait for at least 5 years of marriage before you post ‘messages’ or ‘truths’. Then again, what do I know.

    • Anon

      September 1, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      7 years. The 7 year itch…

  15. Sharon Ifeoma

    September 1, 2016 at 3:38 pm

    Ese thank you for sharing your story; your truth because there are people out there who need to see this post and go oh! I am not in this alone that actually, someone has been on this path before. Secondly, people struggling with this issue can reach out and get help.

    When we share our pain and struggles, we connect with a world we never knew existed before. This is exactly what happens when people I do not know share their disability stories and challenges with me.

    Ese’s story is NOT for everyone.

  16. DAME

    September 1, 2016 at 3:47 pm

    Dear Ese,
    I hope you get to read this. I love you…..from a sister that has gone through almost similar things …i love you with the love of God and i pray your healing is complete and permanent.
    Before the COZA PEOPLE COME FOR ME…I just want to say Jesus warned us of the last days …the very elect would fall….there would be false teachings and near truth and while u bask in sin cos you think Grace abounds…hell hasnt changed the ticket to admittance..

    thinking about the story is upsetting me so bad …i veered off

    Ese takia, keep these kind of things private and keep being a darling to your husband

    • le coco

      September 1, 2016 at 4:40 pm

      Dame Coza people cannot come for you.. because you are telling the truth.. people jut like pollute my time line with that churches business… ANNOYING.. opulence everywhere.. unnecesarry opulence.. worshipping of a pastor who can’t be accountable.. what a shame

  17. Prince

    September 1, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    Ese has come again, the attention seeker. You don marry, face your marriage and if anyone castigate me, I’ll so f- you up big time.
    I think Ese needs a job and its a shame Benny Ark can’t give her one at CoolFm. The Pastor she came out to destroy is waxing stronger than ever, I’m not a member of COZA but you need to visit that church, I doff my hat.
    Some of us that GLO has done well by giving 10GB at 2k500 shouldn’t just come here and be quick to talk. I didn’t read the nonsense she wrote cos i know nothing good can come out of her mouth. Both Ese and her presenter husband allowed the devil to use them. No one is talking about dem again, now she don come. EKWENSU!!!

    • MurderSheWrote

      September 1, 2016 at 4:22 pm

      Stop lying you are a COZA member and a bigger Ekwensu. Foolish fool like you mscheew rubbish.

    • Manny

      September 1, 2016 at 5:19 pm

      Prince you don’t sound a bit like a Christian

    • Prince

      September 2, 2016 at 10:28 am

      Yes, I’m an Idol worshiper. Satisfied?

    • Ngobeke

      September 1, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      Ode!!!! It takes one Ekwensu to know another.

  18. mimimmi

    September 1, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    I feel her pains she is still hurt no one is perfect. Just a little advice please single ladies including me avoid what would bring you shame and pains at the end of the day.
    GOD I thank u so much for bringing me this far you don bless Ese ,with her husband I still dey wait for my own.

  19. Lulu

    September 1, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    COZA members please hol’ it o. Your Daddy G.O. is an adulterer whether you like it or not. Leave the girl alone and face ur mini god on earth.

  20. Nahum

    September 1, 2016 at 4:30 pm

    Nope!! Ese I am NOT going to applaud you!! I am not going to be a party to your foolishness. Just because you are a woman does not mean you automatically deserve the support of other women. Ese, I am going to judge you because I truly believe you need some honest judgement right about now.

    First of all, the Pastor did not rape you, you willingly and knowingly went into an affair with a married man. Forget that manipulation rubbish you wrote, you knew exactly what you were doing and you did it, hoping he would leave his wife for you. When that failed, you exposed him hoping to destroy him. That Pastor is a sleazy toad and does not deserve to be called a Man of God, but don’t you dare think you deserve to come out of this smelling like roses. You BOTH are guilty before God.

    Second, you married a man to cover your “shame” (your words, not mine) and then for two and a half years, proceeded to make life hard for him, now you dare expose all this under the guise of “finding yourself”. No girl, I agree with the first comment, you are cold!!!

    You are a mean person and the true victim is your poor husband who has to deal with you. Just because I am a feminist does not mean I won’t call you out on your bullsh*t, find yourself without taking victims, how about that???

    • Lo

      September 1, 2016 at 4:52 pm

      Sadly I have to agree with this. She used him, and I think that in this comment she comes across as self-centered with a victim complex which she then tries to pass off as being honest and real. “There are no mistakes” she says. Really?? That is absolutely wrong. We all make mistakes and can only begin to heal and learn from those mistakes when we acknowledge and take responsibility for them. I just hope she finally finds herself someday. Her husband doesn’t deserve this.

    • molarah

      September 1, 2016 at 5:56 pm

      Kai, the agreement with which I agree with you is not from here. Biko, what’s all this about abeg? Everyone has forgotten about this story and you yourself came to fan it again? Please, people that are close to this Ese lady need to advise her – she needs to get it together! and fast, before she creates another drama for herself. I’m so not a fan of these damsel-in-distress, emotions-all-over-the-place approach a lot of we women take in solving our problems – sometimes quietness, and a bucket load of wisdom, is the master key. Not everyone needs to know how you are processing your issues because many cannot and will not relate. Life no deep reach all dis one – you make a mistake, pick yourself up, and move on! Too much concern over what and how people will react is what brings people to this kind of place. Face your Saviour, get forgiveness, peace and restoration in Him, and go out and live your life. Shikena.

    • shalewa

      September 2, 2016 at 11:10 pm

      And get professional counselling and possibly psychotherapy cos I smell some personality problems if not frank personality disorder here,

    • T

      September 1, 2016 at 8:28 pm

      Nahum…see ehn,i wish I can pour a river of likes on your comment. Right from when the scandal broke,i questioned this girl’s motives.And before y’all come for me and say I blindly support men of God, I have not and will never absolve the COZA pastor of wrong.infact,i believe they did it. I don’t understand why he did not stay away from the altar,at least for some time. What irks me is this girl always playing the victim. a grown up woman! Slept with a married man!(the fact that he’s a pastor is almost irrelevant here,ADULTERY IS WRONG!)the both of them knew what they were doing for crying out loud! He was wrong. She was wrong. People even commended her for being strong enough to tell her story.what story please?that you slept with a married man knowing fully well that he’s married?Amazing!

      To what end is this interview?fanning the flames.You married your husband cos you wanted to remove the stigma?and it doesn’t bother you to let the whole world know?Not everything has to be said.i dunno if she doesn’t have family or friends to advice her.Again, I say it…this girl’s motives are questionable. Either that,or she has serious deep issues,and should seek help.

    • Loki

      September 1, 2016 at 8:38 pm

      Marry me. I don’t care about your gender; just marry me.

    • Loki

      September 1, 2016 at 8:43 pm

      That proposal was for Nahum

    • nene

      September 1, 2016 at 11:10 pm

      you have said it all. the girl is irritating

    • Prince

      September 2, 2016 at 10:34 am

      I feel like hugging you right about now. God bless you.
      Someone as intelligent as this claiming victim. Victim my dick

    • Anony

      September 2, 2016 at 12:21 pm

      Nahum you might be a “feminist” but you have NO compassion what so ever! And if you don’t realize, hurt people tend to ALWAYS hurt people…. Unintentionally. In this case it happened to be her husband. The way you jumped to such conclusions that she wanted the married pastor to leave his wife?? Like what?? How do you know? We’re you there? This is how lies are turned into truth. Yes her having an affair with a married man is absolutely wrong! No excuse. I blame the COZA pastor more because he’s the one who actually took a vow before God. Not Ese. They are both wrong but the COZA bares more blame in my book. Ese came forward and exposed a pastor that has done this many times with several different women and Ese was the only one bold enough to call B.S. and our Nigerian society crucified her for it. You don’t think that’s abuse and creates deep heart wounds? She married her husband probably out of desperation to heal the hurt and she’s once again coming out to be honest and say that wasn’t right. At the very least respect Ese for her bravery. If you for one were in such a situation I highly doubt you’ll ever speak up!

  21. rain

    September 1, 2016 at 4:31 pm

    this lady has mental and emotional issues …..i pity the husband. Rubbish woman!

    • Onome

      September 1, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      Be kind please – why pity him? He is love…his love will be enough until she too can love…that is what marriage is all about. I see him getting Adekunle Gold and Falz the badh guy to sing to her after his show. He loves her…I respect him so much. They will be fine.

  22. Err

    September 1, 2016 at 4:31 pm

    Nonesense… oshiskoko..code runs girl

  23. Alexcassy

    September 1, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Ese you don’t toy with other people’s emotions just because of your selfishness. you married a man you did not love just because you wanted a title, that is wickedness, he probably left someone else for you. its also called manipulation (witchcraft), please don’t put your children in this position. they will grow up to hate you if you do and i’m speaking from experience.

    • Blue

      September 2, 2016 at 10:52 am

      Sharap there, do you think alot of married ladies you see today married for Love? Please iz not byforce to comment what you dont understand biko

  24. Nahum

    September 1, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    There are millions of women out there that a real victims of manipulation and abuse, you are NOT one of those women. You willingly and knowingly put yourself in every situation you have found yourself in. So don’t you dare try and lump yourself in with women who are real victims. You are not one!!!

    • Manny

      September 1, 2016 at 5:26 pm

      Nahum the feminist. Clap for yourself and your gender 101 professor. Yes, victims do willingly and knowingly put themselves in situations where they can be hurt. It shouldn’t take away our compassion for them.

    • Lo

      September 1, 2016 at 6:05 pm

      But there’s a difference between having compassion for someone and condoning their choices. It’s very possible to have compassion for someone without endorsing and agreeing with all their actions. And please, not all victims knowingly place themselves in bad situations.

    • Segi

      September 1, 2016 at 11:54 pm

      Not all opinion needs to be aired. Take a pause think before you click post. This is her journey not yours. It’s her struggle not yours. She is telling her story not yours. You don’t have a right to tell others how to feel or communicate their pain. For someone so opinionated, you’re quite ignorant!

    • "changing moniker"

      September 2, 2016 at 12:18 pm

      Nahum and the rest, if you don’t buy it it’s your cup of tea, but please don’t put her down for the way she chooses to heal

    • shalewa

      September 2, 2016 at 11:13 pm

      Just my point! Victim kooor

  25. sass

    September 1, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    I cannot believe that people do not see through Ese. Attention seeker of the highest order!!!!

  26. dami

    September 1, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    wow…. if only you all knew and understood where she is coming from. you all forget we are all built differently emotionally. because you feel you can rationalize a thing doesn’t make your assessment right. most of you would not and never be able to stand their real self. she is coming to being and self awareness, most of yall are absorbed in just what to eat and wear…
    its a long journey ese i tell you, but keep at progress. enlightenment will and can be attained.
    Stay off SM a while. u did, focus on your work and family. like you said, the world’s definition of what should or shouldnt be is hogwash. DO you baby girl. you will get there..

    • Lo

      September 1, 2016 at 6:10 pm

      “most of you would not and never be able to stand their real self… most of yall are absorbed in just what to eat and wear…” Because you know the personal journeys of most of the people reading your comment abi? So judgmental coming from someone who is essentially asking others to be less judgmental. You’re doing the very same thing that you’re condemning… so please keep working on that self-awareness.

  27. Loki

    September 1, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    The human race cannot survive without empathy for it is through empathy that we understand one another and express our humanity.
    However, we must be able to discern when empathy only goes to reinforce narcissism and self centredness.
    Ese thrives on attention. It is not necessary to take to the stage to describe your every feeling; your every thought; your every emotion. For those talking about “healing” and dealing, please answer this- how did the world heal and deal before social media turned everyone into performance artists with crowds of fawning fans telling them “you go gurl!”….”You’re such an inspiration” with thousands of “likes” to feed our ever growing egos?
    Sometimes, healing can’t take place until we learn to be quiet and thoroughly examine ourselves, forgive ourselves and accept oyrswlves just as we are with a determination to do better in future. If you need to talk to someone, there are professionals. Ranting all over social media has never been known to be a valid treatment for any form of psychological distress. It’s just narcissism. Let’s call a spade a spade and not a digging spoon.

    • Thor ;)

      September 3, 2016 at 12:11 am

      Who calls it a digging spoon tho… 😀

  28. GOD WHY???

    September 1, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    abeg, when will ANITA SOLOMON come to make her own “TRUE CONFESSIONS-of-how-i-got-here” journey????

    Toke Makinwa and the world deserves to know na

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      September 2, 2016 at 2:34 pm

      Na wa o! damn! you guys are cold. Biko leave Toke out of your story. Its not fair. she is a hurting woman.

  29. looooool

    September 1, 2016 at 10:04 pm


  30. nene

    September 1, 2016 at 11:02 pm

    this girl has issues. i supported her when she had an affair with a pastor but she knew what she was doing, just as much as the so called pastor. she was not underage or an imbecile.

  31. Damseldami

    September 1, 2016 at 11:56 pm

    Was this not the same lady that was blaming her husband for making her fat just because she gave birth and was publicly saying all her husband cares about is sex and how she does not want to have sex with him?

  32. Mi

    September 2, 2016 at 1:15 am

    It is true that Nigerians don’t have the empathy gene. Maybe this is what is responsible for our culture of silence.
    Everyday, people marry for all reasons under the sun -except Love. In this same Nigeria, people marry for money, class, just to have a cook, for the Mrs title, because he was disturbing me, etc.
    How is her admitting that she did the same thing equal to her manipulating him?
    I’m not even going to go into Ese’s past, because we are quick to concentrate on the guilt. David knowingly slept with a married woman, and plotted to kill her huband- and was successful in getting the husband out of the way and keeping her. YET God forgave him AND later declared that David was blameless before His sight!
    Everyday we go on the Internet and read experiences of other non-Nigerians, and those experiences get us through difficult times. However we don’t believe in sharing our stories.
    God is a multitasker. Your pain isn’t purposeless. The challenges you’ve gone through He can use for an even greater purpose than you could ever imagine, and I believe that’s what He is doing with Ese’s life. After all the bible says “…Blessed be God…who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” – 2 Cor 1: 3-4

    • Me

      September 2, 2016 at 6:43 am

      I love you already. Thanks for your comment. I hate this culture of silence.

    • Somtoo

      September 2, 2016 at 7:47 am

      You are blessed dear. God bless you more and more

    • Blue

      September 2, 2016 at 10:51 am

      I love you already for this#kisses

    • "changing moniker"

      September 2, 2016 at 12:20 pm

      I love you.
      thank you.

  33. Blue

    September 2, 2016 at 10:49 am

    Alot of ladies today didnt marry their husbands cuz they loved him buh cuz of the title ‘MRS’.
    Please let Ese be biko, she has said her mind n didnt care weda u r comfortable with her opinion or not. Nigerians and ‘dieing in silience atttitude’ eehh, Ese i love your courage jarey n i pray the love will keep growing every sec. Some idiots here sef, no love in their homes yet you ‘CUZZ’ the innocent and outspoken lady#sadpeopleeverywhere#mtchew

  34. mie

    September 3, 2016 at 12:21 am

    Why are a lot of people concentrating on the part where she “useD” the husband (emphasis on past tense)? Ehm, maybe you didn’t read it, but that happened a while ago and thankfully she’s begun to love him for real now. I am happy that she IS (emphasis, on present present present prrrrrrrrresent tense 😐 )in a better place now, at least I hope so, and she shared the story for anyone who might just be inspired, who knows.

    She slept with a married man. She married another man to get the Mrs title. She blogs about things that go on in her life. I do not see how any of these is news. In fact, I don’t know what the hype is. why are there so many comments? I guess we just have to say something. Like I am doing right now…

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