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BellaNaijarians is “Thou shalt not date a friend’s ex” a Guy/Girl code?

BellaNaija.com

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asemota-postSo, this popular Twitter NG user Victor Asemota (@asemota) shared a story of a guy who continuously dated ladies who were either friends, or knew each other from somewhere.

Long story short… NVM. Read the thread and ‘enjoy’ the story:

 

Asemota claimed that there was a code among ladies – “Thou shalt not date a friend’s ex” – so we just want to hear your thoughts on this.

Ladies, is there a code? Guys do you have such a code? Everyone, have you had a similar experience? Let us know.

57 Comments

  1. Sonia Paloma

    December 7, 2016 at 3:46 pm

    Depends on the kind of Friend. Best Friend/very close friends….. Then NO. I can’t date their ex.
    Just acquaintances/hi hi from a distance kind of friends without no real friendship or relationship… then yes I can.

    • Corolla

      December 7, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      Same here.

  2. @yahoo

    December 7, 2016 at 3:52 pm

    Firstly, dis tori nah lie but if it’s true then there is an uprising in their family shrine. For wetin now?, when some super Yoruba demons are playing & pkanshing 7 friends all together and yet the girls them still dey fight for number 1 position. Gbe Oshi!

  3. A Real Nigerian

    December 7, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    Which mumu friendship?
    So because of friendship you will lose out on the prospect of dating someone you love? Someone you’re compatible with? Someone you could probably end up with?
    Mtcheew. Gimme HHH’s shovel let me bury that friendship.
    Nonsense.

  4. BlueEyed

    December 7, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    No need for any code, it is just common morals. Plus if they are really close to you (best friends/sister/close friend) then definitely a no, in the case that they are not really close to you but you know eachother, it’s only proper to ask them if it was okay, it’s not like you’re seeking their blessing but you just wanna clear the air and be sure they (both) aren’t still carrying the baggage of the relationship (i.e. Feelings, heartbreak etc)

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 7, 2016 at 5:07 pm

      You understand? “Ah mean”, after watching their PDA as they held hands and stole kisses on the other side of your table when you used to do either double-dating duties (with ya own bobo) or play the “escorting” role (as a singleton)…

      … you go come enter, begin dey chop from the same plate wey ya sister or bestie don lick finish. Beht why? Oya, make the men talk dem own – can thou date a babe you used to hail as “Iyawo oko” (abi how dem dey talk am? … I’m the last person to even remotely attempt to speak Yoruba) when she was rolling with your G? Note that I’m not speaking of cutting show oh, I mean actually seeing this girl down the line and deciding to wife her… asking out of genuine interest.

    • Iya

      December 7, 2016 at 7:34 pm

      BlueEyed!!!!!!!!!! Where have you beeeeeen?!!!

    • funmilola

      December 7, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      and mz socially awkward too, I’ve missed you both?

    • Dala

      December 8, 2016 at 1:58 pm

      Something similar happened to me. Started talking to this guy, and he is a great guy. Just as we made it official, he mentioned that he was talking to someone I considered my friend earlier but they didn’t click. This friend never mentioned him to me and I thought it was awkward so I I told her to ” clear the air” and she seemed fine with it. She became distant but I didn’t push it cos I assumed she will come around at some point. Fast forward months later, we’ve become hot topic debate and other friends are picking sides saying how can i date a guy that was talking ( not dating o) to my good friend.
      I have decided not to fuel the gossip with a response , I’m enjoying my relationship and if we were such good friends I should have heard from her not my man..

    • Mrs

      December 9, 2016 at 6:57 am

      Same exact thing happened to me. I’m happily married to the guy now.

  5. Marian

    December 7, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    My ex is awesome. A wonderful somebody that i will be proud to introduce to my friend. We were good but you don’t wanna marry good when best is also an option. He’s someone’s best and if na my friend why not jare.

  6. Connie

    December 7, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    This sounds like creative writing to me. He came up with this joke. Good one.

  7. ogeAdiro

    December 7, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    Won’t date you if you’ve slept with any of my friends talkless of my friend’s ex. Especially in this Nigeria where people find it difficult to be honest about their feelings.

  8. Sherlie Holmes

    December 7, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    This is a sensitive but subjective manner. It really depends on the “friendship” if they are good friends, it’s a no go (common sense) but if just an associate, I may consider discussing it with them just to ensure there’s no bad blood between us. Others may not bother, but I’m just like that. *shrugs*

  9. Stephanie-feld

    December 7, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    What if the Japanese girl is friends with one of your ex. Maybe they met at a study abroad exchange program.

    • tunmi

      December 7, 2016 at 4:35 pm

      Lmao, give the man small hope na

  10. EC

    December 7, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    ***singing*** ITS A SUPA STOOORYYYYYYY
    Ask your friend, are these girls 20 years old. if they are 25 and older then will not be passing man bye just like that.
    Be realistic.
    plus how many people are your friends.
    maybe you dude is the problem (a rejected proposal because of “friendship” Adonbelifit)

  11. Puzzles

    December 7, 2016 at 4:43 pm

    Is it girls of nowadays that can stab a friend behind her back just because they want to get married?

    • Puzzles

      December 7, 2016 at 5:39 pm

      Some of them can sleep with their friends’ current boyfriend, even husband sef. How much more an ex? The hustle to wear wedding ring is real o.

  12. Prince Charming

    December 7, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    ” Dude is now a full-time alcoholic.” So, he wants to ruin his life because of p***y. He’s not serious. A real man will never pine away because of a woman. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, he should consider himself lucky for dodging three bullets. A girl I truly loved turned me down some couple of years ago. She turned me down( which is perfectly normal), but she was bloody rude about it. The whole thing dented my self-esteem for a long time, but I got over it eventually. A fortnight ago, yours truly met the same lady. I almost puked. I couldn’t believe she was the same lady I asked out. She is now a disgustingly obese frump. She has a child(out of wedlock). I hate to gloat, but I felt a sense of delight in my soul. I couldn’t help it! She tried to fraternize with me, but I kept a straight face. She asked for my number, I told her I don’t have a phone. I was just feeling so embarrassed standing close to her. The short stuff, couldn’t stop trying to form familiar. Since that day, anytime she sees me, she’ll be boring me with unsolicited gists. I don’t know how she got my number; she won’t just let me be. Damn it! With the benefit of hindsight, I believe God helped me dodge a bullet. Every heartbreak is a blessing in disguise.

    • Anon

      December 7, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      Prince Charming, your name and what you have written are not correlating at all. You sound like a 20 year old boy with your story…. Really immature, nonsense, secondary school boy talk

    • Prince Charming

      December 7, 2016 at 6:26 pm

      @Anon, “immature, nonsense, secondary school boy talk” but you read every bit of it. You are the type that’ll rain insults on Toke but still go ahead and download free copies of her book online. Thank’s for reading! Loco fool.

    • Prince Charming

      December 7, 2016 at 6:48 pm

      Thanks for reading. Agbaya!

    • Nitomeya

      December 7, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      Seriously dude, you don’t laugh at people when they are down. If you continue like this you are no different from her, afterall she was rude back in the day right and you are rude to her now.

    • Prince Charming

      December 7, 2016 at 7:29 pm

      @Nitomeya, I couldn’t help it. A part of me felt sorry for her, but the other part of me was vindictive. After what she did to me, I couldn’t summon the courage to ask a girl out for three years. I feel sorry for her sha, but I expect her to understand that I don’t have a soft spot for her anymore. She’s thinks she can ignite the feeling, but I have crossed that bridge already.

    • A Real Nigerian

      December 7, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      “The whole thing dented my self-esteem for a long time, but I got over it eventually.”
      With the way you insulted her, I’m sure your bruised little ego is still hurting from being rejected like the insecure piece of filth you are.

    • Prince Charming

      December 7, 2016 at 8:10 pm

      Toilet girl! You know what I mean……… yesterday……….remember………bitch!

    • #proudnigerian

      December 7, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      Prince charming all these voltrons can’t feel your pain because it’s a woman that is being crucified sentimental bigots . what is that song they sing sef I can see everything turning arround for my good ??you dodged a bullet lol

    • Prince Charming

      December 7, 2016 at 8:37 pm

      Thanks a million #proudnigerian.

    • Prince Charming

      December 7, 2016 at 8:43 pm

      Thanks a million #proudnigerian

    • john

      December 7, 2016 at 11:11 pm

      @prince charming..I bet she is now a feminist …dont mind the equally miserable voltrons coming after u,u dodged a bullet big time..if it was the opposite they would have shouted Go Girl

    • John

      December 7, 2016 at 11:13 pm

      @prince charming..I bet she is now a feminist …dont mind the equally miserable voltrons coming after u,u dodged a bullet big time..if it was the opposite they would have shouted Go Girl

    • Prince Charming

      December 8, 2016 at 5:52 am

      @John, thanks a million.

    • Takeseveralseats

      December 8, 2016 at 10:01 am

      @PrinceCharming aka Darius’ alter ego, why so mean??? The way you rain insults on folks is so not charming!!

    • Prince Charming

      December 8, 2016 at 11:09 am

      Who the hell is Darius? I don’t know what you are talking about.

    • Stephanie-feld

      December 8, 2016 at 11:21 am

      Darius is Prince Charming. On this post you changed your name.- (https://www.bellanaija.com/2016/12/ofilispeaks-i-downloaded-the-pirated-version-of-toke-makinwas-on-becoming-and-heres-what-i-learned/#comments). What you didn’t realize is that changing your name doesn’t tweak the Avatar.

  13. Baymax

    December 7, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    But on a serious note, if your friend rejected a toaster or broke up with a guy you KNOW is a great guy for foolish or unrealistic reasons (e.g. he’s not tall or fine enough, he’s not living in Lekki, etc.) and eventually this great guy asks you out, what will you do?

    To be honest, I would say “yes” if I like him and I know for a certainty that he’s not asking me out to spite my friend. However, I will tell her before she hears it from someone else.

    Sincerely hope I don’t find myself in that situation though. It would be super awkward.

  14. o

    December 7, 2016 at 6:50 pm

    It depends but it’s women that carry these things on their heads. My husband of 8yrs+ knew my immediate ex before him. Infact he met me tru the mutual friend they shared. But he and my ex weren’t close, just acquintances. And ex relocated to the abroad after just 6mths of us dating and we both (ex & I) agreed to move on. I even tried to discourage him (le hubs) but he was having none of it. Im glad I didn’t follow any imaginary code. You never know where life would throw you abeg…….

  15. Kinibigdeal

    December 7, 2016 at 7:02 pm

    I married my friends ex boyfriend. I knew neither of them when they were dating. Didn’t see anything wrong with it. In fact she was at our wedding and even attended the intimate thanksgiving afterwards.

  16. Nnamdi

    December 7, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    Tufiakwa, Mba nu it is a code I uphold. I know how guys are. Later in future one bastard will now come in the future and say he chopped my wife in the past.

    • o

      December 7, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      You sef chopped other people’s wives in the past na… Lol. Anyway only a very irresponsible immature man would say that. Probably still stuck in the past

    • John

      December 7, 2016 at 11:18 pm

      Stop trying to shame him..it wont work ..he is not immature ..it is like u were chopped by other men before ur husband..that is ur husband headache not him. .he wants to avoid that embarrassment

    • o

      December 7, 2016 at 11:32 pm

      @John. I’m referring to any guy (Ex in this case) that will come back in future go be saying trash. That’s the person I’m calling irresponsible and immature. Not Nnamdi oo….

  17. Pamela

    December 7, 2016 at 8:28 pm

    My most recent ex ended things (by acting funny and leaving me to read the ugly hand writing on the wall) because he couldn’t deal with the fact that i once dated his colleague at work. When i dated the said guy this one ( recent ex) hadn’t even gotten the job oh. Infact the guy was married with a child and I wasn’t keeping in touch with him anymore. If they were friends even I would not have encouraged him. It’s actually awkward when u date someone who has ties with your ex but it depends on how strong the ties are.

  18. Pamela

    December 7, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    By the way when i say the guy was married I don’t mean i dated a married man. He got married after we broke up… judginas take note!

    • Eegor

      December 7, 2016 at 9:29 pm

      lmaooo!!noted we have ceased fire??

    • Fashionista

      December 8, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      Looool!

  19. demash

    December 7, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    Was getting real close to a girl years back but had to step back cos she dated an old school mate before and i thought it was proper to respect the “guy” code. This same guy visited a couple months back and our friendship might have been soured if I went ahead to date her. I felt somewhat disappointed with a lady friend who married a guy after she broke up with another chap who were both leaders in the same campus fellowship – i mean there were tons of brothers all-over campus then.

  20. Galsain'tloyal

    December 7, 2016 at 10:05 pm

    A close relative dated my ex after we broke up. She said she thought ild be cool with it. Well, truth is; it didn’t annoy me, I just thought it was weird that she could date my ex. I wouldn’t date a relative’s ex o. Anyway when they broke up, she came running and crying to me. Don’t know if she wanted us to form Bobby’s exes committee but I didn’t indulge her. You didn’t come to me when you dated him, love turned sour and you came to me. Our relationship has never recovered though.

  21. Amaya

    December 7, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    My closest friend married my ex. We had been friends since we were 18, went to uni together and I was with her when I met my ex. He was a really good man and my first love but after some years we drifted apart. I only found out they had hooked up a month to their wedding and I really felt betrayed……she was the person I was confiding in through all my issues with him and to be honest I would have been happy to see them date it is just how they went about it. Long story short……I lost my trust in my friend and we haven’t been friends since though I harbor no hard feelings it was just awkward. This is someone I confided my deepest secret to.

    • CY

      December 8, 2016 at 10:42 am

      My very close friend married my ex too. I dated this guy for like 3 months only and there were never any sparks for me and the moment he started talking love i had to let him go. He is truly an amazing guy so was happy when they hooked up. My relationship with the girl suffered though because I found out she was uncomfortable with me being around the guy and apparently wasn’t too comfortable that i knew what his “package and game” was like.

  22. anon

    December 7, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    Its tough I guess especially for the men and their ego and from what I have heard, There is this guy I once had a fling with. almost two years down the line now. I met his friend (or at least acquaintance) recently and I can tell dude likes me and I like him as well but he is holding back. Something tells me he knows about my history with his ‘friend’ and it could be one of the reasons why he is holding back. Some of the guys i have discussed it with have told me to let go except I just want him to ‘chop’ me and run also. I have been told no way a man would take seriously someone whom their friend has been with if for anything they just can’t stomach the the thought of that friend gossiping with the other guys that he is been with his wife. Don’t know jere to each his own

  23. Tosin

    December 8, 2016 at 2:21 am

    sharing is caring
    i hate selfish chics 😀

  24. person

    December 8, 2016 at 3:14 am

    i can date my friend’s ex as long as i no snatch the guy frm am.

  25. Alpharetta

    December 8, 2016 at 10:07 am

    The guy who disvirgined me was close family friends with my husband. Infact i almost shagged all of hubbys childhood friends as a teenager. One of them later asked me to marry him and i refused. Hubby was my first bf and my first love but when he started spreading his wings by asking other girls out i spread mine even wider by having little affairs with all his friends and ended up being disvirgined by one. Funny thing is i didnt do the deed with hubby untill we reconnected later and decided to get married. It plagued him for a while and he even tried to sleep with some of my friends for revenge but they saw right through his BS. If you truly love someone, whoever they had been with in their past doesnt matter. My husband fought it for years…he slept with every girl then but it wasnt me and cos he did it for revenge it didnt sooth his hurting soul. When we finally had sex i told him he could leave if he wanted and i wasnt going to hold it againt him. I shagged him good for a whole week. He told me if he had the strength to leave he will but guy engaged me the following week and the rest is history.

  26. Fille

    December 8, 2016 at 12:35 pm

    Well, in most cases it destroys the bond between the friends. As a teen, I slept with my sister’s ex. They had broken up and were good friends and he used to tease her that he would marry me. Long story short, she found out and funny, she blamed him for sleeping with her baby sis. She thought I was taken advantage of. Well, I was childish then but as I’m older I’ve realized I was wrong and the foolish guy was just playing games. I always try to avoid exes or bfs of my close friends and family. I think it’s not that bad if we are just acquaintances sha.

  27. mela

    December 8, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    I can never marry a friend’s ex. I had a rule as a young girl, Never to marry any guy who proposed marriage to my only sister and I kept it. She had a friend then she refused to marry though I liked the brother I refused to get close to him when he shifted to me. Was a tough decision though.
    So glad I waited to marry my darling hubby!

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