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#BN2016Epilogues: For ‘Mide it Was a Year of Trying to Conceive but Resolving to Trust God

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It’s that time of the year when members of the BellaNaija community come together to bond over shared experiences in the last 12 months. As with the previous editions of this series, we put out a call for you to send us your stories. {Click here if you missed it} To catch up on the first few stories this year, click HERE.

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As 2015 came slowly to an end, I sat in the congregation listening to the Pastor as he asked us to set our goals for the New Year (2016). I looked clueless, because a part of me was scared of the unknown. What if I didn’t make it past mid year? Or lost a loved one or lost my job.  So many things ran through my mind and I decided against writing any goals, but instead to put my trust in God and allow him to order my steps.

I had a few unachieved goals from 2015 and I planned to work on them. No.1 on that list was having a baby! I had been married for 4 years, and my husband was diagnosed with azoospermia. We had seen several specialists and the problem persisted it seemed there was no solution in sight after spending so much. IVF was recommended and that was how my 2016 started.

We registered with a well known fertility clinic and the process commenced. A PESA was advised but unfortunately at the last minute we were told it wasn’t possible because the test results were worse than it was before and nothing could be done. The only options were to either discontinue or use a sperm donor, I was devastated it felt like my whole life came to a halt – after all the injections and emotional stress. My husband was calm outwardly but I could see in his eyes that he was shattered. He agreed to a sperm donor and the journey continued. IVF was a horrible experience for me, it drained me emotionally, physically and spiritually. How could having a baby be so difficult and painful? I cried everyday as I injected myself, the egg retrieval was a nightmare and my husband hated himself for putting me through it.
Eventually, the procedure came to an end and the 14 days wait period seemed like a lifetime. By the 11th day, I started spotting and knew something was wrong then I started bleeding heavily, we went for a PT and the result came out negative. My husband and I held each other and wept without saying a word only the sound of our wailing could be heard.

I went about looking dejected crying at the slightest opportunity, I was inconsolable, stopped praying and going to church because I couldn’t comprehend why God made me to go through all that for nothing.

Everyday was a constant reminder of what I lost until I decided to snap out. I remembered my charge at the beginning of the year – to put my trust in God and went back to the Word, there I stumbled on certain scriptures that were speaking to me.

I resolved to never doubt God and that in His own time He makes everything beautiful.

Photo Credit: Hongqi Zhang (aka Michael Zhang) | Dreamstime.com

19 Comments

  1. Lola

    December 26, 2016 at 3:25 pm

    Hello poster… I know the road has not been easy for you and just like you ended your write up God really makes all things beautiful in His time. I am encouraging you to hold on to HIS words on fruitfulness and confess them everyday. You may think who is she to advise…. I have been in the waiting room for 9yrs and my faith is very strong that HE has answered.. I have heard of men with the same diagnosis who miraculously impregnated their wives. In this journey which I pray will soon end ensure your husband knows you love him and that the medical situation is not the end of your love. Don’t let the devil deprive you of your fellowship with God as even couples with unexplained infertility diagnosis who should be fertile still do not conceive through several rounds of IVF. 2017 is another year for exploits so cheer up and believe as the Almighty God is still in the business of performing miracles.

  2. Anon

    December 26, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    Sending hugs your way Mide. He makes all things beautiful in his own time. May God grant you your deepest desires and make all your dreams come true. Please be strong❤️

  3. Blackbeauty

    December 26, 2016 at 3:40 pm

    Sweet heart, I was in a waiting room of a different kind for about 5 years and also went through the doubting phase but He showed up in His own time and it was absolutely perfect.
    Keep holding on and speaking your baby into existence.
    God will show up for you. He’s still in the business of performing miracles.

  4. Nne

    December 26, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    Ephesians 3:20 (AMP)
    Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the (action of His) power that is at work within us, is able to (carry out His purpose and) do SUPERABUDANTLY, FAR OVER and ABOVE all that we [DARE] ask or think (INFINITELY BEYOND our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams)

    Psalms 37:25 (KJV)
    I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken. .

  5. chatwitholy

    December 26, 2016 at 4:45 pm

    You see this year 2016, trust God and trust me, something will happen. Infact you have received your miracle. All i want you to do is just ask this minute as you are reading this is – tell God how many babies you want. and leave him to do the rest…but by sept, oct 2017 your baby/babies are in your arms.

    • Sultana

      December 26, 2016 at 11:10 pm

      I say a big amen to that! For poster and for myself. It can’t be an easy place to be dear poster. I pray God will carry out a mighty miracle in your life and as many as you desire, He WILL do it. Amen

    • Kay

      December 27, 2016 at 6:03 am

      Amen. Thank you and God richly bless you from this moment on.

  6. sato

    December 26, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    Please keep trusting God. He always comes through. I ve been in the waiting room before. I was told only ivf was the solution as me and my husband hand issues. But even ivf didn’t work for me twice. But today I am a mother of twins. Only God did it. That same God will hear and answer you. Amen. And when he does,you will look back and realise his timing is perfect.

  7. I know how you feel

    December 26, 2016 at 7:28 pm

    I too was in a similar situation. My husband had low sperm count and we couldn’t get pregnant for many years. Our GP referred us for ICSI ( similar to ivf but a bit more invasive). After the procedure, I waited to see the outcome. Unfortunately it was unsuccessful. My husband and I were devastated. A couple of months later we were scheduled for another treatment; frozen embryo transfer. On the morning of the treatment as my husband and I were getting ready to go, we received a phone call from the hospital saying the embryo had not survived the process so we didn’t go for the treatment. When all this happened, i lost hope for a while and was deeply unhappy. After a while however, i intensified my prayers and put all hope in God. I and my husband were invited to a church for a baby dedication and we went. While we were there, everyone was asked to dance around the pulpit we obeyed. Shortly afterwards the pastor came on the pulpit and the first thing he said was ” there is a couple here, trusting God for the fruit of the womb” he prayed and said that man receive divine sperm in Jesus Name. Everyone shouted amen. A couple of weeks later I got pregnant. Today I am a mum because of God’s mercy. That is my testimony.

    • aj

      December 28, 2016 at 2:23 am

      wow I thank God for you and your husband. Nice testimony!

  8. Marks

    December 26, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    Sister, try the native guys but be careful, dont do quacks and dont do the fetish ones. The real ones use herbs and it works..It’s just a pity that the white man has fooled us into believing that our medicine is fetish. The God that put my diagnosis to shame will do same for you and your hubby. Please stay strong and supportive of your hubby, my beautiful wife was 100% supportive and I will forever be grateful. Shalom!

  9. Man

    December 26, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    Madam , dont loose hope trust in Allaah Azza Wajjal and I am certain He would give you at the best time. I have been waiting for 4 years but in one my best times regarding my faith in Allaah.
    Please tell your husband to try herbal medicine. especially Dr. Quick see links below.

  10. I know how you feel

    December 27, 2016 at 1:04 am

    I was in a similar situation to yours. My husband had low sperm count and we couldn’t get pregnant for many years. Our GP referred us for ICSI ( similar to ivf but more invasive). We went for the treatment, and I waited for the outcome. The treatment was unsuccessful and my husband and I were devastated. A few months later we were scheduled for another treatment; frozen embryo transfer. On the day of the treatment, we got a phonecall from the hospital saying the embryo did not survive the process and so we could no longer go for the treatment. All this made me extremely unhappy. After sometime, I decided to put all my trust in God and intensify my prayers. A couple of months later we were invited to a baby dedication in a Church. My husband and I attended. During the service, the whole church was told to dance around the pulpit. We obeyed and after we had danced, the pastor mounted the pulpit; the first thing he said was there is a couple here, trusting God for the fruit of the womb. He prayed and said that man receive divine sperm in Jesus name. We shouted amen. A couple of weeks later, I became pregnant. Today I am a joyful mother because of God’s grace and mercy. That is my testimony.

  11. DLP

    December 27, 2016 at 4:21 am

    This really brought tears to my eyes. And some people will be there angry That dy don’t hv boy. My prayer for you is to be joyful and hold on to God. He makes things beautiful in his own time indeed.

  12. Dr Onyiaike

    December 27, 2016 at 5:01 am

    Dear, do trust in the Lord. Live your life happily and surround yourself with positivity. God loves you immensely and will never abandon you.

  13. B.E.T

    December 27, 2016 at 7:50 am

    Hi B.N., how do I send my story

  14. Wale

    December 27, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    Mide, God is faithful and you need to hold on to him . We were in a similar situation and did not have a child of about 8 years. Now we have two lovely kids and are afraid to get Pregnant !!!!!. IVF failed but at our seeming lowest ebb, my wife got pregnant even though they said tubes were blocked. Hold on , speak words of faith, sow seeds and I am sure the best is yours.

  15. Sasha

    December 27, 2016 at 1:15 pm

    My dear hopeful mom to be in future,
    Please do not give up. I am just 27 while my husband is 48. We have had 3 testicle biopsy in my country in Asia , one even under an European doctor who we paid for to come to the clinic in my country just for our case. All 3 end up in only finding germ cells and poor quality and immobile sperm and all of them will be injected each time to my 15-20 eggs each time and nothing will be fertilised. After day 2 , we will receive bad news from the clinic that all got arrested and we both will be sitting with heavy heart at home, lost hope after the 3rd time. Think each year , you inject yourself, spend so much, go through TESA , and worst huge daydreams that you’ll feel your baby soon and everything come to an end awfully. My husband has refused to take donor sperm and since I love him so much , I too want to have something of him and not a stranger’s DNA in me. So we just stopped talking about children now for past 2 years and follow all medical researchers around the world. Recently, I have found that there is a company that is hopefully will be the savior for all of us around the world , will not let us down and will be the only way for couple like us to feel parenthood. It’s called Kallistem , they are doing research on germ cell maturation. Even if your husband has got no sperms at all, he will still have the precursors or germ cells and that is enough to mature it in the lab and inject to the egg. When I found this out, I was thanking God, he is listening to our prayers and cries. Let’s just hope these research will be a success at the soonest time possible and let’s pray we will have the means to pay for it as soon as it’s launched. I knw the pain of being childless, my own mom teased me in a painful way several times, my relatives think I’m wealthy but still someone incomplete and my MIL continue to look at me like we are dating couples that can break up anytime since we don’t have a kid as a meaning to the wedding. So pls don’t give up hope yet, we with Azoospermic husbands will come back stronger when science is going to help us. Just pray , eat healthy and save money from now on.

  16. Tos

    January 3, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    It is well. I was TTC for a while aswell and I know how it feels until God blessed us. This can be challenging and I don’t think anybody can console somebody going through the stress except God itself. It is draining and very heartbreaking. God that answered my prayer will come through for you Mide. Never give up and remember, it is not over until it is over. Sending a big hug down your way hun.

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