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“I think we need to stop giving men cookies for doing what they should do” – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie talks Double Standards, her New Book, Feminism as a Marketing Strategy & More

BellaNaija.com

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Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s new small book, entitled “Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions”, is based on a 9,000-word advice letter she wrote to a friend on how to raise her daughter as a feminist.

The book was officially released yesterday and leading up to the release Chimamanda has been doing some press rounds. Over the weekend she was spotlighted by Guardian UK and she talked about the new book, on feminism being used as a marketing strategy, double standards and more.

See excerpts below.

On having the feminist label attached to her: I was opened to a certain level of hostility that I hadn’t experienced before as a writer and public figure.

On not being the typical Nigerian parent: A friend was just visiting and she said to me, ‘Your parenting is not very Nigerian.’ In Nigeria – and, I think, in many cultures – you control children. And I feel like, my daughter is 15 months, she doesn’t have a sense of consequences. And I enjoy watching her. So she tears a page of a book? Whatever. She throws my shoes down. So? It’s fun. I love that she’s quite strong-willed.

On feminism being seen as “mainstream”: I’m already irritated. This idea of feminism as a party to which only a select few people get to come: this is why so many women, particularly women of colour, feel alienated from mainstream western academic feminism. Because, don’t we want it to be mainstream? For me, feminism is a movement for which the end goal is to make itself no longer needed. I think academic feminism is interesting in that it can give a language to things, but I’m not terribly interested in debating terms. I want people’s marriages to change for the better. I want women to walk into job interviews and be treated the same way as somebody who has a penis.

On feminism being used as a marketing tool nowadays: Yes: what’s the damage? I would even argue about the ‘theoretically obscene’. There’s a kind of self-righteousness to the ultra-left that is hard for me to stomach. Its approach to poverty can sometimes border on condescension. I often think that people who write a lot about poverty need to go and spend more time with poor people. I think about Nigerian women who can hardly afford anything but who love fashion. They have no money, but they work it. So, the creative director of Christian Dior is obviously a woman of some privilege. But does it then mean that she doesn’t have gender-based problems in her life? Because she does. Does it mean she doesn’t have this magnificent rage about gender injustice? Because she does. Wanting to use that slogan – was it going to make the world a better place? No. But I think there’s a level of consciousness-raising and a level of subversion that I like. No. Sorry. Feminism is not that hot. I can tell you I would sell more books in Nigeria if I stopped and said I’m no longer a feminist. I would have a stronger following, I would make more money. So when people say, ‘Oh, feminism’s a marketing ploy’, it makes me laugh.

On double standards: “I think we need to stop giving men cookies for doing what they should do,” she says, and goes on to explain that her husband, who needs less sleep than her, tends to get up in the night to tend to the baby. “On the one hand, I realise that my husband is unusual; on the other, I feel resentful when he’s overpraised by my family and friends. He’s like Jesus. I did all the physical work to produce her! There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way we’ve constructed what it means to be female in the world.”

On her daughter’s natural hair and the pressure to “subdue” it: We had just come back from Lagos and my sister, God bless her, had already had a talk with me about my daughter’s hair. She said, ‘You need to do something about it.’ With my family, there’s an eye-roll and a here-we-go-again with her, and she said to me, ‘Do you want me to send you a set of combs?’ And I was like, ‘No, thank you.’ And I know it’s going to keep happening. But, no, I’m not going to conform in that way. I’m not going to have my child go through pain because society expects a certain neatness. It happened to me, it’s not going to happen to her. And I’m ready to have all the battles I need to have.

Read the full article here.

90 Comments

  1. Nv

    March 8, 2017 at 1:19 pm

    I do have to admire this woman for her strength and resolve. There are times I don’t agree with her( her Beyoncé feminism ish) but it seems she’s corrected herself since then, based on some of the comments I’m saying here.

    I like her point about not praising men for being basically human. A guy friend was saying how he would never beat his wife, no matter what she does. He’d rather walk away if the situation was getting to heated and caustic. And without realizing it, I’ve held him in some high regard as some sort of separate male from or rest. I think its sad, that he is the exception.

    I also want to say, I was watching some old school videos and noticed the trend of females hitting the chest, violently pushing their male love interest. Thankfully its reduced.. Don’t hit anyone except you want to be hit too! Whether male or female

    • OJ

      March 8, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      ehen, but when Solanke was hitting Jay Zee in the elevator, u all were shouting Jay Zee is a real man and no real man should hit a woman bla bla bla

    • Mo

      March 8, 2017 at 3:30 pm

      Which still hold true. Your point?

    • AceOfSpades

      March 8, 2017 at 5:47 pm

      I tell you! This woman mixes intelligence with something else. She is intelligent enough to write books that sell out doesn’t mean all she says is right. How will you say this sort of thing. We celebrate (aka give cookies) to women who are pilots, we see female pilots and we hail them. Everyone is hailing Linda Ikeji for legitimately making billions (is she the first human to make billions at that age).

      A female soldier dies and the hype is way more than the male soldier as if the male came to die. What about the female that became president of Harvard law school or something is being celebrated like it’s something else.

      When a woman mechanic is found, we all hailed her. How about the female BRT driver that hit the news. If I didn’t know a bit better, I’d say Adichie is A Real Nigerian or Hadiza or both.

  2. LemmeRant

    March 8, 2017 at 1:21 pm

    “I think we need to stop giving men cookies for doing what they should do,” she says, and goes on to explain that her husband, who needs less sleep than her, tends to get up in the night to tend to the baby. “On the one hand, I realise that my husband is unusual; on the other, I feel resentful when he’s overpraised by my family and friends. He’s like Jesus. I did all the physical work to produce her! There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way we’ve constructed what it means to be female in the world.”

    So this is the babe our Naija girls are looking up to.
    Its obvious she wants to be a man. She’s irritated about everything. She has such massive hatred for men. Thank God for her life she jejely married a white man, if not…

    ——————————————————–

    “I think we need to stop giving men cookies for doing what they should do,”

    WTF is that supposed to mean? Like WTF?
    It amazes me how women tend to believe they have a monopoly on sex. And they think its something they possess and give. Its obvious she’s not even attracted to her man. If not she won’t be spouting such nonsense. “giving cookies” like WTF?

    If all the runs girls, the vast no. of women prostituting, in porn, ready to open their legs whenever they see money is anything to go by, I’d wager that men are the ones doing the giving.

    ————————————————————-

    Chinamanda don’t go an s**k better d**k and get f**ked.
    Stay there and be getting irritated at everything.

    Its a friendly advice o. You need it.

    • aiphee

      March 8, 2017 at 1:34 pm

      eeehm…. you misundertood the cookie part. read a lot more books and get the meaning honey!

    • Fear God

      March 8, 2017 at 1:35 pm

      And you have defined ‘cookies’ as ‘sex’? Even when her example right after was of her husband being praised by family members? Where did your sense of the use of metaphors go?

    • Concerned

      March 8, 2017 at 1:43 pm

      So please o alphee and FearGod. Wat does cookie mean? Since you all know something we don’t

    • Cocolette

      March 8, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      @Concerned and co… ‘to give cookies’ in this sense means to give rewards to (or praise) men for doing something

    • ene

      March 8, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Lol it’s really hard for you to comprehend things, isn’t it?

    • TeeS

      March 8, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      And you had to add salt by telling her to go get sex and have oral sex? You do realize you just sexually objectified her , as you do to all women. It always comes down to sex with us. …..why are you always so hateful where women are concerned ? Or where feminism is concerned please ?
      Explain ?
      Maybe you haven’t had the best role models or girls around you are just a certain way. But please not all women see things a certain way. You can not generalize just because of a few Nigerian women.
      I’m also quite sure when she meant cookies….it’s praise….not the sexual cookie. Your mind is just attuned to sex that’s all…..
      Not all girls/ladies/women date or have sex for money .
      That’s too much of a generalization

    • OJ

      March 8, 2017 at 2:09 pm

      you got it wrong….she was referring to the notion that a man automatically has the right to have sex with his woman. if a guy does what is traditionally viewed as feminine or usually done by the wife, in her view she sees it as what he is supposed to be doing in the first place and should not grant him automatic access to her cookie/holy sanctuary

      if you tell a man needs less sleep becos he has to get up early enough to go hustle, i can understand, but in her assertion, she feels she is entitled to more sleep presumable she takes care of the baby the whole day, so if hubby wakes up to take care of the baby in night, its no big deal, after all, that is wat he is expected to do….”the cookies doesnt come free u know”

    • LemmeRant

      March 8, 2017 at 2:22 pm

      >>
      “I’m also quite sure when she meant cookies….it’s praise….not the sexual cookie. Your mind is just attuned to sex that’s all…..”

      I’m also quite sure when she meant cookies she meant sex. And no my mind isn’t just attuned to sex.
      The same way you assumed what she meant is the same way I assumed.
      All I know is that whenever I hear “cookie” being referenced (even on this blog) it’s usually sex.

      >>
      “You do realize you just sexually objectified her”

      I didn’t sexually objectify her. I told her to go have sex. Sex is something people have. It is not something you give people or hold on to.
      And she brought up sex first when she said “giving cookie”, only difference was, mine was more explicit.

      >>
      “why are you always so hateful where women are concerned ? Or where feminism is concerned please ?”

      I’m not always hateful when women/feminism is concerned.
      A lot of the drama that goes on here on a daily basis I ignore or just move along. (Things I could easily pounce on and display my hatred like you say)
      The problem here is that. A lot of people look up to this babe and quite frankly she’s seriously falling hand.

      “On the one hand, I realise that my husband is unusual; on the other, I feel resentful when he’s overpraised by my family and friends. He’s like Jesus. I did all the physical work to produce her! There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way we’ve constructed what it means to be female in the world.”

      Please who is fighting or competing with her now. Its a freaking marriage for crying out loud. Not a do or die competition to see who has done most and consequently gets the most praises.
      And that is what people like this are turning your feminism that you cherish so much into. Their turning it into a “women are better than men”, “women do more than men” debate.

      She could be using her platform to talk more on education. (for all o. Not just women), child marriage, getting women to realize they have to start taking responsibility for their actions and not just doing something and blaming men.
      But no, her feminism fight is about showing “I do more than my husband in my marriage”.

      Nonsense.

    • Jade

      March 8, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      This is for OJ, you are wrong about the needing sleep part. Some people can function on less sleep than others, like my partner is good to go with 3-4 hours but i need like 8 hours or more. So her husband gets up to take care of the baby because he can function on less sleep hours than her

    • Mo

      March 8, 2017 at 2:14 pm

      Oga Ade (because There’s no way you are woman).

      I don’t believe you are not well-read, i think you just don’t like her so much, you cannot interpret the simple statement properly. Like who’s talking about sex here? You are the one that should stop thinking that ladies think they have monopoly on sex.

    • Cyn

      March 8, 2017 at 2:40 pm

      I had to do a breathing exercise before replying your comment…
      In this case, cookie means a reward, praise, prize etc not sex.
      And no, she doesn’t want to be a man, she wants to be treated like a human being. I doubt there is hatred involved but if there is, its hatred for the way women are mistreated (the situation, not hatred for men).
      Also she did not marry a white man, except you meant his complexion.
      Ensure you understand and know the basic facts before commenting (wrongly)
      Cheers.

    • Winelover

      March 8, 2017 at 2:55 pm

      Are you educated at all? I mean this with no intention of insulting you. Where did you get your education from? Did you read as a child or even as an adult? I’m baffled that you do not understand the context in which ‘cookie’ was being used. I’d advice you to read more books, stay off blogs for a bit.

    • LemmeRant

      March 8, 2017 at 4:03 pm

      Please ma. Educate me.

      What context was it used in?

      What does “cookie” mean?
      Some have said reward. What is this reward? The reward has to be something right.
      Now think of whatever reward you can cook up in your mind and replace it with sex (since you argue so much about it)

      My point still stands.

    • anon

      March 8, 2017 at 3:23 pm

      Lmao @ “cookies” meaning sex to some of you. Perhaps she should have said biscuits.

    • bella

      March 8, 2017 at 3:28 pm

      cookies in her context means praise dear, learn to read with the aim of understanding; not just to reply

    • Anonymous

      March 8, 2017 at 4:10 pm

      Ermmmm…. I don’t think the cookies she said here means sex shaa. She means “I think we should stop rewarding men for doing what they should do”.
      Cookies here= reward(whatever kind if u ask me), but if u want to restrict the meaning of reward to sex, then…..
      Cheers

    • nana

      March 8, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      Her husband isn’t white, he’s Nigerian (cross river). Mixed blood

    • funmilola

      March 8, 2017 at 4:24 pm

      and who told you she’s married to a white man?

    • gia

      March 8, 2017 at 4:33 pm

      @Lemmerant.

      No offence but..You’re really dumb…that’s simple standard english…even i (a non english-speaker know that) give a cookie to some one means reawarding.

    • Wawu

      March 8, 2017 at 5:00 pm

      LemmeRant chai…..you’ve just disgraced yourself but I blame Ciara the musician for your misguided thoughts 🙂 I’m guessing her song about cookies in the jar has you confused lol.

      Her reference to cookie wasn’t in reference to sex at all but but praise ( as she even further explained) when men do the right and responsible thing.

      If you marry someone and have kids with them, you shouldn’t be praised like Jesus for doing the right thing. No one praises a woman like she’s done an unusual thing when she cooks and cleans and feeds her baby because it’s expected of her.

      She just wants people to know that no gender should be taken for granted at the expense of the other. Hope this helps. Next time, be patient and understand before you rant 🙂

    • Kelly

      March 9, 2017 at 12:45 am

      Your argument is just baseless, ignorant and extremely unintelligent.

    • Gigi

      March 9, 2017 at 2:54 am

      Cannot believe the number of people that liked this. You just reacted to this like a man-child. her opinion makes you feel small so you have to talk about sex.
      Grow up

    • Nuna

      March 9, 2017 at 9:17 am

      Are u just dumb or u really dont realise that cookies in this context means praise?

    • Sandra

      March 11, 2017 at 9:55 am

      I think from your comment you really do have a big issue with understanding what messages people pass across. Lets start with you making yourself understand what people say, after that you can come back and read this again. Oh ye man who has been blindfolded by sexism.

  3. OJ

    March 8, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    She has successfully defined women as sex objects with reference to the cookies talk….i think she has pushed this her feminazi crap too far and unfortunately many young ladies are adhering to her doctrine. In another blog, she mentioned that women should be treated as those with joysticks, i mean WTF is that?? your husband wakes up to take care of the baby in the night, you be grateful, but obviously she sees it as a right…SMH

    bringing it home now, a man goes out all day to work and provide for the home, rent, food, fuel, water, elec bills, school fees, wife upkeep allowances etc and the able bodied wife that also has the capacity to work but for whatever reason chooses not to but sees the strain and stress the hubby goes thru daily and has the effrontery to tell him that ”that is wat you should be doing, dont expect any automatic cookies from me” and this madam here is asking for equality with those with joystick….WAHALA DEY oooo.

    • kess babay

      March 8, 2017 at 1:58 pm

      the cookie she referred to here was not sex.
      wake up abeg.
      let me epp you and @lemmerant.
      Kindly replace the word cookie with brownie points.

    • Nita

      March 8, 2017 at 2:04 pm

      Oh God what is wrong with this generation…in plain and simple terms, COOKIE MEANS REWARD(according to how she placed the word) what is wrong with u guys sef?

    • LemmeRant

      March 8, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      So what is this reward?

      Since reward isn’t tangible

      She told you its reward abi?

    • Danny

      March 8, 2017 at 2:26 pm

      @lemmerant

      Lol. maybe the reward is Jollof rice or Pounded yam.
      I can’t laugh man..

    • Cocolette

      March 8, 2017 at 8:17 pm

      @lemme rant please accept that you made a mistake and move on… reward= praise and not sex. Hian!!! Na wa. When people want to refer to sex they use ‘the cookie’ ! How someone’s mind can even fly to sex while reading this excerpt baffles me

    • Mo

      March 8, 2017 at 2:09 pm

      Sigh
      “your husband wakes up to take care of the baby in the night, you be grateful, but obviously she sees it as a right…SMH”

      That right there is what she meant, it is his child too, the expectation should be the same, they are both able-bodies.

      “bringing it home now, a man goes out all day to work and provide for the home, rent, food, fuel, water, elec bills, school fees, wife upkeep allowances etc and the able bodied wife that also has the capacity to work but for whatever reason chooses not to but sees the strain and stress the hubby goes thru daily and has the effrontery to tell him that ”that is wat you should be doing, dont expect any automatic cookies from me””

      This is your own world,not everyone’s. I really hope you are a man, it would be too sad if you are woman. Assuming cookies is sex, smh

    • Mo

      March 8, 2017 at 2:23 pm

      Unfortunately, I cannot reply the comment where you said this “you got it wrong….she was referring to the notion that a man automatically has the right to have sex with his woman….”

      Your interpretation is wrong. The response was in a question about ‘Double Standards’, why would you think she’s talking about sex. You give a child ‘cookies’ wen he has done well, being good, quiet, etc.

    • COMMENTER

      March 8, 2017 at 3:18 pm

      Some women work you know. Yet, some of these women go home and clean, cook, take care of children. Some of these women work the exact same hours as their husbands! Home duties should be shared and gender or sex is not attached to any duty. We all have stomachs so we should all have the skill to cook and if not, order the food from a restaurant. We all get tired and we should all be able to rest. We are all human. Happy womens day!

    • Tee

      March 8, 2017 at 4:21 pm

      What about women that contribute to the financial upkeep of the home. I ll have you know that a lot of home in Nigeria have two incomes, meaning husband and wife contribute.

    • Wawu

      March 8, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      Omg another confused person…..ok now I blame our educational system. I give up.

    • Alterego

      March 8, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      Wawu, aren’t you a dull one?

  4. Marian

    March 8, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    I remember one of those viral videos circulating on fb about a dad doing something with his kids. I don’t remember the details now but i remember thinking it was cute and refreshing so i showed it to my hubby and he just gave me this blank stare and asked what was so special about the video.

    I wasn’t expecting his response and was just looking at him like hello!!!! It’s a dad this time not mom doing whatever the dad was doing in the video that i can’t remember now. My husband just looked at me again and asked “is he not their father?”
    That line comes to mind now when i see viral videos of dads getting praised for doing what they should be doing and what moms do all the time.

    • Kkay

      March 8, 2017 at 3:35 pm

      It’s just like when Nigerian Governors construct new roads and medical centres with tax-payers money and proudly display same as “praise-worthy” achievement. Very irritating!

    • gia

      March 8, 2017 at 4:35 pm

      Excellent comparison

    • Fact

      March 8, 2017 at 5:06 pm

      KKay roger that! Please help lemmerant and co to understand that the phrase isn’t referring to sex ….lol

  5. mrx

    March 8, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    Who feminism epp. Happy International women day to all the women world wide. There are more important issues that are affecting women globally and especially in Nigeria. I wish she can talk about other topics other than feminism all the time.

    • mrx

      March 8, 2017 at 2:06 pm

      Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. ~ Timothy Leary. Get your priorities straight.

    • Mo

      March 8, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      Said a man, where is he, btw? Even if the statement was made by a woman, it still doesn’t make it right.

    • Tee

      March 8, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      Feminism covers all areas where women are disadvantaged be it Education, politics, culture. You get.

    • Mrx

      March 9, 2017 at 7:38 am

      No it doesn’t .. feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.

  6. akama

    March 8, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    @OJ and @LemmeRant obviously you haven’t heard the phrase “have a cookie” before.

  7. nwa nna

    March 8, 2017 at 2:08 pm

    Hey, all I can say to Chimamanda is do you.. Do whatever floats your boat in your marriage and in raising your child, no one size fits all. No big deal if your hub decides to wake up and take care of your child while you get some sleep, there are millions of men that do that on a daily basis.
    There is a growing number of marriage where the couple agree that that the husband stay home and be with the kids while their wives become the primary bread-winner, not my cup of tea but who am I to judge them if that’s the arrangement that works for them?
    I just believe in equality & fairness no matter your sex, age, race, religion, sexual orientation etc.. I am neither pro or anti feminism, fairness and equality is all I give and expect back in return, no matter the sex of the individual…

  8. wendy

    March 8, 2017 at 2:08 pm

    I dont know whenever i see or read anything by this chick, Monique the actress just flash for my mind.
    Monique made her money bashing skinny girls but went behind closed door to loose weight.

    Plzzz biko… dont come to me with the medical excuse…

  9. Chief

    March 8, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    “I think we need to stop giving men cookies for doing what they should do,” she says, and goes on to explain that her husband, who needs less sleep than her, tends to get up in the night to tend to the baby.

    This her comment above” hit a nerve”

    Imagine!! These feminists have the capacity to destroy men the way no bullet ever could.They are making men weak while all the while giving men sense of strength.These women are now invading our spaces. I have been saying this “Feminism” is the death of modern man that has absolutely emasculated men.You see this woman has ruined homes,destroyed marriages and also turn normal women against husbands.

    This evil,ugly, harmful narrative is increasingly preached as an acceptable social doctrine on our women with anyone who disagrees accused of hatred and misogynistic.It’s actually about gaining power for women not equality.Feminism is about advancement of women at expense of men,dismantling patriarchal societies and just an excuse for women to gain more power over men.We have seen a much larger amount of divorces and family schisms due this evil ideology.Women are now demanding equality with their husbands,disrespecting their men,threatening men with divorce,etc.Why don’t we men all say no to this movement of hatred,victim mentality and fact ignoring women.Why should a real man support a movement that doesn’t have their best interests in mind?It’s inherently misandrist.

    What exactly,i wonder,do they fight for? What freedom do they not already posses? .What more do they want?You must respect our African gender roles.We can not deviate from what our Ancestors passed down to us.Shame to any man that allow himself to be wussified by such prude women.

  10. Sisi

    March 8, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    ‘she doesn’t have a sense of consequences.’ Whilst her daughter is still quite young I hope she doesn’t intend to continue to raise her in this light. All children male or female should have a sense of consequences for ‘good’ things and ‘bad’ things. If you don’t teach them the world will in a much harder way. Although on the whole I love her perspective that point struck me as detrimental in the long run if sustained.

    It so strange how some people above are unable to comprehend the cookie comment in the context given. Get a grip and stop being on the defensive automatically, read to comprehend not respond. In any case I totally agree. Stop pandering and petting grown adults!

    • Nikky

      March 9, 2017 at 11:44 am

      Dont mind her….till she raises a serial killer..na so them dey dey start…she better home school that child because i can only imagine how disruptive the kid will be in a controlled environment like a class room.
      Chimamanda, your child should not be your personal social experiment…”Train up a child in the way he/she should go and when said child grows up, he/she will not depart from it..

      Issokay

  11. Whocares

    March 8, 2017 at 2:38 pm

    Be still my heart. Chimamanda is my spirit animal! I agree wholeheartedly and I am looking forward to reading the book. I think she missed the plot a bit about feminism being used as a marketing ploy as it enables capitalism and capitalism does not support the feminist ethos. However, beyond that, much love for this woman.

  12. James

    March 8, 2017 at 2:46 pm

    Women are not meant to be equal to men. When would the Chimamandas of the world get it?

    Women want the man to care for them and their offsprings and yet they want to be equal to the man. That is not possible. Let me put it in a different way, are you equal to your employer? The answer is no.

    Ms. Adichie needs to stay focused on her writings. That is what people would judge her by – like Achebe, Soyinka and others.

    • Tee

      March 8, 2017 at 4:51 pm

      I am human first before i am a woman,if i earn an income i have to contribute my share to the upkeep of the home you would have to be crazy to expect that after working the same hours as you i should do all the work. If a woman wants to sit at home and have the man carry all the financial burden then its only fair she carry the burden off doing most of the household chores.

    • Chief

      March 8, 2017 at 5:22 pm

      First off,No real man will allow his wife earn more than him because you don’t give woman power.When you give women power they will take full advantage of it.Giving you power is like giving a hunter gun and knife..Real men don’t make that mistake.From biblical standpoints,it is clear that men are designed to be the breadwinners for the families.It’s not your job to provide for the family.Don’t contribute your penny.

    • Sandra

      March 11, 2017 at 10:05 am

      The fact that I am a woman does not make me any less of a human. I am just as human as you. My gender does not get to describe me as a person.

  13. ToBeReal

    March 8, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    What is she on about?…is this a click bait?..
    We praise women for carrying a baby for 9 months …throwing their guts out..painful labour…and immediately start breastfeeding…..breastfeeding a boy..yes a boy is no joke..
    some have post natal dilemma!!
    I tell you I saw my wife go through it all…and I praise her to the high heavens…
    Actually Madam Chi anyone that does a good deed needs to be praised..should this now be subjected to sexism??
    Where is her voice on Child Brides??…DV…these are pertinent issues affecting us..
    She’s def not talking to Africans…
    People like her want to reverse the natural order…can a shark survive in captivity…hell NO!!…can’t happen love…

  14. john

    March 8, 2017 at 2:51 pm

    black feminists are the most stupid delusional set of people u can encounter ..atleast with white feminist ,u can at least see thier input but if you want to see the future and life of all black feminists and what they can be , just take a look at the african american community

  15. Cyn

    March 8, 2017 at 2:56 pm

    Chief, I really hope that you practice ‘your views’ in real life and not just on bellanaija comments.
    Because with all of your preachings… I am beyond shocked that you ALWAYS have the time to read these feminist articles and write epistles on them. what time then do you spend to earn the money, respect and be a head to your wonderful African rules compliant family????
    Please explain to me, I am truly willing to learn

  16. OJ

    March 8, 2017 at 2:59 pm

    ”Award wining Nigerian writer Chimanmanda Ngozi Adichie, wants women to be treated as those with joysticks. Adichie stated that her aim for feminism drive was to ensure that marriages are changed for good and that women are treated same as someone with a joystick” UK Gaurdian!! what is she refering to as joystick in this regard? BN stylishly removed this part as its obviously sexist and doesnt suit the general man bashing narrative of its blog

    ….is it a bad thing if family and friends praise your man for helping out at home with the taking care of the child? dont we praise our wives at home, dont we praise the market women that struggle everyday to send their children to school, dont we praise the women that do 2/3 jobs to make a living and still go school? so why cant we praise men for doing same stuff u women do all the time? the feminzi thing obviously has affected have skewed her perspective about men negatively

    • COMMENTER

      March 8, 2017 at 3:31 pm

      OJ, the point is that these duties should be normal. They made a baby together, then they are both responsible. It should not be seen as “unusual” that a man helps out or cares for his own child. The Nigerian culture often has a way of expecting women to be supportive towards men and that support is not reciprocated in some cases. Key point is that a marriage is teamwork. He has dreams, she has dreams, they have a baby, they are married. How can they or one make such a unit work? Both people have to work together and sacrifice without sacrificing their core identity. Allow each other to be happy and support each others goals. Support means handling diaper duties and feeding sometimes. Perhaps she gets to work on a personal project while he does that. While she handles diaper duties and feeing sometimes, he gets to work on his personal projects too. She is personally fulfilled and so is he. Working together saves time and gives extra time to the couple to spend together and connect without the kids!

  17. wendy

    March 8, 2017 at 3:03 pm

    I am starting to have the feeling that this chick grew up in a hostile environment or the men in her family must have really ticked her off…. She just need to let it all out and let it go….

  18. Six

    March 8, 2017 at 3:07 pm

    I’m sorry, but I find this a tad offensive. Haba! The context in which it was used sef is contestable.
    A lot of men give “cookies” (as defined here as appreciation/reward) to their wives when they perform gender specific roles e.g during Pregnancy or as used in the article. Except your partnership is based on a scripted/pre arranged division of labour, its dangerous not to appreciate your partners just because you are pushing a narrative. IMO if the tables were turned this is even a more offensive statement to a lady than to a man. Perhaps, one of the biggest problems of Feminism is that sometimes it fails to appreciate the difference that is gender and in trying to exalt its importance, condescends on the male gender.
    I’m all for Equality but we’ll be making a mistake if we do not take into consideration the different importance of each gender and how that variety is valuable to society.

    • Nakoms

      March 9, 2017 at 1:12 am

      Wow! Good thinking. Good writing.

  19. saide

    March 8, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    wait,…….. her daughter has dada?

  20. Concerned

    March 8, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    So nobody is going to tell us what this “reward” is.
    Since you all know what it is. and you’ve read lots of books. Can you please tell us that haven’t read lots of books what this cookie or reward is?

    • Alterego

      March 8, 2017 at 6:09 pm

      Reward means high praise. Pity you aren’t a literary genuis. A man changes a diaper, everyone praises God. A man helps out in the kitchen,we celebrate and give thanksgiving. These are normal things he should do without expecting a reward. Do u understand now? Or the light bulb hasn’t come on yet?

    • winelover

      March 8, 2017 at 10:17 pm

      Sigh…it really shouldn’t take a literary genius to get this. This is basic English Literarure high school level.

  21. Adeleke

    March 8, 2017 at 4:18 pm

    You both went half on a baby to produce this baby daughter, so you both equally spend time n effort in caring for her. African culture sucks, Women I hail thee…

  22. BN comment approver

    March 8, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    BN comment approver,

    i have noticed you select the comments you want posted. Anyways you dont have to post my comment..i am glad you will see this

    I will take my time to open your page, read article, digest it, compose a comment and you wont post it cos i have a different opinion? write it down, before the end of this year, you will lose your job…you will be fired

    You know its not today you have been doing it….All the salary you receive from your work place, canker worm will eat it and you will spend on sickness, problem and all

    You just watch it…when it starts manifesting, just know where it is coming from

    eat your blog o

    • Atoke

      Atoke

      March 8, 2017 at 5:46 pm

      It appears you posted the comment 7 times, thus flagging the comment and sending it to the spam folder. I have rectified this.

      Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.

      Warm regards,

    • Alterego

      March 8, 2017 at 6:06 pm

      Rude much. Calm down and stop giving yourself headache over nothing.

    • Lisa

      March 8, 2017 at 11:12 pm

      All this over ordinary comment? Please seek help, his behavior is abnormal.

    • LOL

      March 8, 2017 at 11:36 pm

      Why did I laugh so hard after reading this comment? Atoke, omo olomo, had to sharply apologise. The commenter don over vex. I swear Bellanaijirians are something else =D =D =D

  23. Tee

    March 8, 2017 at 5:08 pm

    Men did this all by themselves, The surge in feminism is just a response to choking patriarchy. I as a female would generally not accept the shit my mom took from my dad, where women had to give 70% while the man managed a paltry 30% effort it took to keep the marriage, most women stayed in marriages for their children and were basically unhappy.

  24. chima

    March 8, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    I just pity all who follow you…Saw a picture of you working hand in hand with your husband…enjoying your marriage but will be teaching others how their marriage can fail…those who follow you are as dunce as you

    I have observations though:

    1. @ Not a Typical Nigerian Parent…..You can claim wherever you want…Does this make you more human or make yo ufeel good that you are not a typical nigerian? Long hiss
    Your daughter is just 15months old….you never start parenting my friend. go and sit down somewhere….just 15 months….heheheh what do you even know?

    You like her tearing this, bringing down that…good for a baby…when she is 5,8,9,10yrs, watch her do all that okay and not control her….The child wey dem no train fo rhouse must be trained outside….One day she will carry gun come kill you for house

    2. @I want women to walk into job interviews and be treated the same way as somebody who has a *penis*, This is very insulting! You dont have to talk about a man’s private part to drive home your point…if a V was mentioned now, you will say it is an insult to the women folk

    3. @ give men cookies for what they should do?
    Your head has finally knocked. Feminist school of thought strives for equality of gender.

    This then means that it is not the sole responsibility of the husband to pay rent, school fees, fix bulbs, generator, car tyres….Therefore there shouldnt be anything about “what men should do”. No role should be exclusive any longer to the men, going by your school of thought.

    On another note, if a man/woman does something, it should be appreciated. If your husband/wife buys something for the house or kids, buys clothes for you, pays for the rent or pays school fees, it should be appreciated. Your sense of entitlement is crazy….

    Notice my use of the word *man/woman*. i am a human right advocate not a feminist advocate.. Everything shouldnt be about women, women, women….it is about men and women!

    4. @ Your husband needs less sleep than you….
    You are finally mad. If as an equality advocate, you think men need less sleep than you, then you dont know what you are fighting for. According to equality, should be 50-50 sleep but you now saying sleep should be 6o for women and 40 for men for example, makes you a dunce

    5 @ your daughter’s hair…..This your philosophy has made you finally crazy. If you like, leave your daughter to be like a wolf or ayamatanga all in d name of you wont dictate or control her

    Conclusively, i see all your views as anti-God…you must be a devil incarnate…
    BN post my comment

    • Alterego

      March 8, 2017 at 6:05 pm

      Wawu, another dull one. Wawu.

    • chima

      March 9, 2017 at 8:31 am

      Alter ego, you are one of the few that makes people say *beauty without brains*
      You mean out of all the epistle and the write up, what you can only say is wawu?
      Nothing constructive to criticize or add?
      Your parents resources on you is a total waste
      You own dullness knows no bound

    • Nikky

      March 9, 2017 at 11:56 am

      i laughed so hard at your comment…hahahahahahahaha

  25. sherri

    March 8, 2017 at 6:52 pm

    It’s quite sad to see the level of blatant ignorance!
    why descend to insults, curses and verbal attacks just because you don’t agree with someone?

  26. David

    March 8, 2017 at 8:31 pm

    I love Chimamanda, not. I LOVE her with an emphasis on LOVE. I am genuienly happy that she married a logical thinking man.

  27. OY

    March 8, 2017 at 11:55 pm

    If a renowned/celebrity male writer makes reference to a woman’s ”vagina” in a bid to make a point during an interview as blatantly as she did, i can only imagine the roasting he would endure. I am quite sure we would hear a thousand sermons of how he was ”dis-respectful to women”, yet no woman here has voiced the opinion that she could have made her point without the ”has a penis” thing. In my opinion using that term was stupid.

  28. Ifeyinwa Atuanya

    March 9, 2017 at 12:45 pm

    “On not being a typical Nigerian parent:” But she is married to a mixed – race guy, who I don’t think has ever lived in Nigeria……

    “On her daughter’s natural hair and pressure to ‘subdue’ it:” Are they asking her to put relaxer on the child’s hair?

    @chima, her husband does not have the typical Nigerian men mentality/// He is half Cross River and half Scottish

    They are two parents, co – parenting

  29. gideon

    March 9, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    I respect and love d genius inside dis lady a lot. But hmm, I just think she is extremely overtwixted on d concept of feminism. Tell to respect a lady, tell me to treat her as equal, but a lady to see a man as equal is not only a improvished futility, but also a dangerous one.

  30. Abi

    March 10, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    I really like Chimamanda, but I really hate that word ‘feminism’ – its an overrated word used often by gullible women! I am not a feminist, I am a woman, I don’t need a word to define me, my character, how I should behave in public or how I should expect men to treat me. Being a woman is enough for me to navigate through the issues of life, I don’t need any ‘feminist principles’, which I think is a load of bullshit by the way!

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