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Aunty Bella: Miss My Gay Boyfriend Wants to Marry Me



Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

This particular one was left as a comment in a previous post.

We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.


People, I am so crushed. My boo just told my he has been struggling with same sex attraction since he was a kid and has been with a few guys in the past but loves me and wants to marry me. It’s unbelievable. We’ve never kissed or had sex in our 2 years of dating cos we’re Christians. I love him and I believe he’s born again but I don’t even know where to go from here.


  1. Anon

    October 4, 2017 at 1:36 pm

    Go far far away… You will be heart broken, but you will be fine eventually. Better now than a broken Marriage..

  2. zee

    October 4, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    Please give his number. I’m a gay girl and I wish to marry a gay man so we can put up a lie for the society. it’s really hard for gay people in naija

  3. Just Negodu

    October 4, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    Marry him if you are ready to cope with him disappearing every now and then to be with the boys. He is a user. He wants to use you to cover his shame. How come you cannot see this? There is nothing wrong with him owing his truth but, you will be foolish to be entangled in this. What a miserable life you will have. Trust issues, suspicion, doubts, anger, fear, bitterness. My dear run, run, run.

  4. Yeyeperry

    October 4, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    Everybody has a past o. If that’s his past, treat it like it’s past. But since he’s still struggling with the attraction thing, encourage him to get help an be sure he’s over it before you get married.

  5. Clara

    October 4, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    I used to date a guy that men were attracted to. He tells me stories of men flirting with him and showed me a facebook message of a guy flirting with him. I didnt get why he was telling me the stories – i guess to make it seem like hes not gay. Till this day, i dont know whether hes gay ,bisexual or straight. But im glad i cut off the relationship. Too much confusion, doubt and guess work. Would really love to hear from BN readers if theyve had experince with downlow gay Nigerian men so that women can know what to watchout for

  6. Funmilola

    October 4, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    You don’t know where to go?
    I’ll tell you:go back to being single till you meet your man. The worst harm you’ll do to yourself is to deceive yourself and think he’ll change….wake up o!

  7. Deleke

    October 4, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    Screw him to straightness

  8. Bey

    October 4, 2017 at 2:35 pm

    That you are even asking this question means you have low self esteem and low self worth.
    Cant deal mehnnnn

    • iyabo

      October 4, 2017 at 3:52 pm

      ………and is this how to respond to someone with a low self-esteem…………be kind

    • Bleed Blue

      October 4, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      Haba Bey, why oh why would you hit someone who’s already on the ground?

      I’m confused when I see comments like these. Okay, right to free speech, it’s just an opinion, and all that BUT this person is asking for advice, any need for bashing? Don’t you think her state of mind will be worsened by the tone of your comment?

      If you’re going to give “tough love”, how about making it constructive? Something like:
      “I’m sensing there’s an issue with your self esteem, I recommend Dr. XYZ who’s a really good counsellor on matters like yours………..or you can read ABC book written by DEF, it may help you clear your mind…”

      I know we don’t all have to comment the same way but abeg I just tire for negativity in this world jare. 🙁

    • Jenny

      October 4, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      Thank you bleedblue. Bey its like you’re not a nice person.

    • mz_danielz

      October 4, 2017 at 6:10 pm

      Bleed blue, God bless you fully. The way people equate feelings with low self esteem sef.

      Someone cannot ask for advice in peace.

  9. Api

    October 4, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    This is what happens, when you live in a society where gays are not accepted. Please don’t marry him thinking his attraction to men will change. If you want to marry him for other reasons and you think you may live with the fact that you are only a coverup then go ahead.

  10. chi

    October 4, 2017 at 3:15 pm

    1,000,000,000 LIKES TO UR COMMENT BEY!THANK U.

  11. chic wen sabi

    October 4, 2017 at 3:36 pm

    dear poster, if you want eternal happiness please cut off from him. You can help him to be normal but you will never find that forever happiness in your home.
    Do not be deceived because he will never find you attractive sexually.
    or else you want to be running from one spiritual home to another.
    a word is enough for the wise.

  12. Papermoon

    October 4, 2017 at 4:01 pm

    He is attracted to MEN. Are you a man!!!!!

    • john

      October 4, 2017 at 4:05 pm


  13. jane

    October 4, 2017 at 5:43 pm

    Dont marry him out of pity. If he wants to be gay,let him do that on his own. You will be losing your chance to have a truthful and fulfilling loving and sexually healthy marriage in the future. You will be living a lie and one day it may eat you up from the inside. If you love yourself and your future children,let him go…Please. He will be okay but you need to be okay.

  14. Udegbunam Chukwudi

    October 4, 2017 at 5:44 pm

    Jejely walk away if you want to stay happy for life unless you’re willing to compromise. This kain marriage doesn’t end well in the long run most times.

    • Udegbunam Chukwudi

      October 4, 2017 at 5:56 pm

      If he was bisexual no much wahala

  15. Tosin

    October 4, 2017 at 6:43 pm

    if you were one kain ‘open eye’ i’d say hey, if he got what you need mehn, it ain’t none of our business what you do. but as i saw your short story, please no. plus you o, plus him o, neither of you old enough to be marrying anybody.

  16. Run now! ?????

    October 4, 2017 at 7:21 pm

    Let me tell you chumtin that man is only telling you he is gay because he knows that in future he can absolve himself of any guilt when you can’t cope with him being gay in the marriage. Go and read Kenny badmus’ story. Run run run ???let him get married to a lesbian who is struggling too, they can struggle together. You would so Regret it if you marry this man. He knows what he is doing. He very calculative! Look girl, I’m talking from experience. He is not a good person. He wants to use you to fit into society and go all gay when your guys get married. His excuse would be that you knew he was gay and still accepted to marry him so why complain now? Run osiso!

    • LemmeRant

      October 4, 2017 at 8:20 pm

      Nawa o, how is the gay guy a bad person now.

      The guy came clean and told the babe he is gay so she can decide for herself, and you call him a bad person.

      If he had kept quiet and deceived her into marriage, you’ll still label him a bad person.

  17. Fabulous

    October 4, 2017 at 8:44 pm

    Break up with him and move on. You’ll cry but you would save yourself a lot of trouble

  18. Papacy

    October 4, 2017 at 8:47 pm

    First off, appreciate the fact that he was honest with you. Dating someone for 2 years and investing your life (even considering long term) is not easy. So i can understand your hesitation or confusion, especially if you were ignorant of tell-tale signs, or didn’t even see any in the first place. If you leave him, I’m sure he will understand why.
    See how one of the proponents of no sex before marriage has been dealt a hard one. Sad.

  19. Ranti

    October 5, 2017 at 1:21 am

    Please run as far as you can, God has answered your parents prayers. I know of a christian girl that got married that way and the hubby actually had his gay partner in the same hotel where they had the honeymoon and that’s when she found out. She was so devastated and had to end the marriage asap after a lot of money have been spent. He did it to deceive people because they have been bothering him about marriage.

  20. Idomagirl

    October 5, 2017 at 8:17 am

    Walk away…

  21. Nurse Jane

    November 19, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    Odiegwu oooooooo……….gay and lesbo equals???

  22. Tywo

    September 14, 2018 at 10:41 am

    Did she just say she thinks he is ‘Born Again’ and a ‘Christian’ REALLY! He needs to get help (SPIRITUAL Help) and be sure he is no longer attracted to the same sex.

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