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Nkem Says:  Don’t Let His Money Trap You

Nkem Ndem

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People turn up their nose at you when you suggest anything remotely derogatory about your parents, especially your mother. This is understandable. Culture, religion, and morals forbid it. Your parents gave you life, how dare you think of them as anything other than the best?  How dare you try to bite the finger that fed you?

Growing up, however, I loathed my parent’s union and constantly wished they would split up. Call me an insolent child, but I remember I constantly itched to ask my parents why they stayed with each other. I mean I had listened to their Nollywood-like romance story so many times. Love across borders. But I particularly wanted to ask my dad: How is it that you married my mother and she has been your “favourite” all this time…considering the wide gap in your personalities (he was domineering yet introverted, she was docile yet boisterous) and the continued disparity of your status (my dad was educated to tertiary level, my mum dropped out of secondary school)? What is the attraction?  And to my mom, I wanted to ask: Why is it that you stayed with this man? How is it that you insist on denying yourself of so much just for this one man?

As a child, I noticed things, I read between lines, I analysed …and my instincts were usually almost always correct. The first thing I noticed about my parents was how my dad had to leave every day to work, but my mother would have to stay at home and complete several house chores, then supervised the ‘helps’.

The only times she went out was to go to the market, deliver lunch to my dad at his office, got to cultural meetings or go to church. And when she traveled it was always with my dad. She couldn’t go anywhere on her own for some reason. We had about 4 cars, yet, she never drove any. The drivers had to take her where she wanted to go. Basically, she had to ask my dad permission for everything, yet she never could say NO to him.

I recall a time she scored a role in the Women’s day drama production in church, and she had rehearsed her lines so many times. We were all looking forward to seeing her on stage, but then on Friday, just 2 days before the D-day, my dad woke up and realized he needed to visit the village. She packed her bags and traveled to the village with my dad. She had to go, so she could cook for him. God forbid he ate anything not cooked by his wife. God forbid he cooked for himself for just 2 bloody days. I will never forget how sour my mom’s face looked when she broke the news to us in her room. I also will not forget how hugely disappointed I was in my mom and what I perceived as a lack of backbone. It probably wasn’t a big deal, but I think that incident was a defining moment for me. It prompted certain vows I have made to myself since the time and shaped my views on a lot of things pertaining to life, femininity, love, relationships, and marriage.

Of course, I never got the chance to ask my dad the question I itched to ask before he passed on. I mean, I did ask him some other personal questions that had fed some of my insecurities at the time. I never got around to the one where he had to tell me why he married my mum at 15, demanded that she remain a housewife, refused her opportunities to start a business or upgrade herself professionally and just, for the lack of a better word, subdued her.

On the other hand, I found the opportunity to query my mother with those pressing questions. Growing up, I had already figured it all out on my own: My father ensured my mother was totally dependent on him financially, that way he controlled her and pulled at her strings as though she were a puppet. He abused her financially for years in the name of being a “traditional” man. But …it was still important to hear from the horse’s mouth. During one of our numerous interviews for a script, I am writing based on her life story, I asked her: “If after some years, you realized you were unhappy, why didn’t you leave?” She smiled, admitted to the lingering pain of abandoning her education so early on, also the dissatisfaction of forfeiting her dreams of being a fashion designer, then elaborated on how she was unable to save enough to leave with us and be able to take care of us as my dad would. “Staying with your father was a better option for you guys, so I muscled up and did it. I did it for the four of you”. Hearing her say those words, even though I already knew, broke me in so many ways. Why should a woman have to give up her life and endure years of financial abuse just so that she can give her children a better future?

Why am I reminiscing on all of these? Just this evening though I came across a post on Instagram (@itohanferguson) that read:

“My confession is I don’t love my husband of 10 years. He had a baby on me, constantly cheated on me and now he thinks everything is cool because I didn’t leave. Well, the gag is due to my living rent-free, I’ve been able to fix credit, save some money and now, I’m about to move out of town without him. His dick is little, his tongue trash, he broke and lie all the time. Why did I stay? I needed to come up. No bills for 4 years- hell yeah, I stayed. Now I’m over it. Adios MF”

Sure, the post explores quite a different plot from my mother’s, but it also points to the theme of financial abuse. A woman staying with a man she abhorred for financial security.

The way I see it, when you stay in an unfulfilling, unhappy or even (financially) abusive marriage for the sake of your children, the children you are staying for come to believe that relationships are experiences that entail suffering, pain, and even a slow death… and that messes them up even more. Likewise, while it’s scary to leave a relationship or marriage when it implies you will be broke afterward; especially if you have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle, rest assured it is an easier feeling to deal with than your soul and spirit dying.

My point is this: Ladies, we need to equip ourselves financially so that we are never subdued in any way or trapped in a relationship or marriage that has run its course.

Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for copywriting, editing and proofreading. She is also a content creator (web, T.V, radio) who has had stints with Jumia and SpiceTV Africa e.t.c. Now she works at Glam Africa as Online editor and BellaNaija as Features writer. E-mail: [email protected]; IG: @kem_dem; Twitter: @ndemv

39 Comments

  1. Amaa

    May 18, 2018 at 2:34 pm

    It took a lot of bravery to write this Nkem. I have a feeling this is a non traditional therapy for you . It’s also important to note that this is a story that cuts across Naija family you are not alone .We must teach our children especially men that a woman doesn’t need to be subdued for you to be in charge . All through our history we see women who ruled fought wars defended borders defined traditions but yet some where along the lines we forget the strength of a woman . Feminism has been hijacked to mean man hating narrative that many of us don’t recognize.
    Feminism is about equal sharing of property between girl child.and male Child,equal opportunity to education property ownership, voting, holding of public office , women not sold or used to forged business relationship. To dream and achieve dreams. To have a say in their life . To be respected and valued . To marry and remain in marriage if they choose . To not marry if they chose. Is about choices
    God knew the limits of man as a creation that why he made a woman. Only a foolish man fails to understand this.
    Through a woman life begins without a woman there isn’t life .
    A prostitute deserves respect, every man that disrespects a woman is not only weak but disrespects the whole line of women in his lineage I don’t care if the woman deserves it .
    SM has made us stupid we spew nonsense and think it’s ok.
    I remember growing up I took something that belongs to my brother I refused to give it he beat me mercilessly my dad came back and the flogging he got that day he never forgot. You do not lay your hands on a woman that was the moral of the story .
    You walk away if you are in abusive relationship man o woman o . The devil is on the move and the family unit is under attack because without it we become easy preys to be be picked up as the devil chooses.
    A lot of us are mental cases just by the families we came out of we all need to heal and talk about it to a formal therapist to a priest spiritual father whatever just seek help that’s all before you ruine another generation of children.

    • Anne

      May 19, 2018 at 5:50 pm

      My parents worked. My mum ran a hospital, went early in the morning and came mostly at night. Their marriage did not work. Although I wish they were still together.

  2. Kwame Canada

    May 18, 2018 at 2:38 pm

    Miss Nkem, I’m with you all the way in this writing. I wish women will come to appreciate this piece. Even though as guy, I hope and pray that our African men would stop these kind of behavior against our women, Money is not everything in life, “LOVE,” I mean unconditional love”, Love base on what I call it ” Maturity Love” It is not sex, It is human-feeling! It is in the Heart”.

    • Jane

      May 21, 2018 at 1:35 pm

      The choice to leave a marriage is a tough one especially if your marriage was not arranged to achieve a purpose. Think about it, marriage is deeper than we think. Achieving financial independence is for your own sanity, good and self esteem not necessary because you can walk out of a marriage. Why? There are wealthy and financially independent women who chose to stay. Some of us know them. My aunt makes more money than her husband, some say Hillary stayed for political reasons. Only she can proffer reasons. My simple piece of advice is this; if you are still single never married you are fortunate because you have the opportunity to choose right. Some people think spiritializing things is not sophisticated,better let God who knows the past present and future decide for you. No one knows everything o including family and friends. Of course He can choose to use them sometimes. Secondly. If you catch that man in a habit that is destructive eg porn,adultery violence,rape,theft etc. God has shown you o. Don’t say He did not tell you. Many women who are crying now saw it coming. Baby mama, side chick drama gbgboe drama before you got married. You saw him always spraying perfume, boasting about imaginary consulting jobs but nothing to show for it. Not serious about God, and I am not talking fake Christian brother. Hmmm, you went ahead because you saw a celebrity go ahead and nothing happened. I remember a lady who used Angelina Jolie and Bradd Pitt as an example when people criticized her decision. Look before you leap. The personality of the man you marry will go a long way to determine your peace of mind, soul and body. There are men who cannot cheat not only because they love their wives but because they truly fear God and they are afraid demons will come after them. Whilst some believe they are made to cheat, if you marry such a person. Your effort in marriage will become nothing. If you like bleach all your skin, cook continental and intercontinental dishes, don’t put on clothes in the house and make billions of dollars. His mentality will ruin all your efforts. One famous Nigerian woman who is always talking about marriages has a lot of confidence in her husband. I don’t blame her, she can talk because if you really observe her husband, the man has very strong views against abuse, immorality etc. That man vowed not to touch girls and money in church. If you marry that kind of man, your efforts will blossom. People will think you are doing so much. A word is enough for the wise. I rise.

  3. Future

    May 18, 2018 at 2:57 pm

    The last paragraph says it all…

  4. Chibaby

    May 18, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    The flow of this narrative is very relatable especially in the Nigerian context. I can call names upon names of women that i know who have lived this story. May God help us women.
    However, i take exception to the term ‘financially abusive’.
    That a lady decides to stay with a man because she can’t afford to fend for herself and her kids financially, is solely her fault and her decision. The man did not make her stay. A man can stop you from working, but will he also hold a gun to your head and force you to stay?
    If you have chosen to stay in a bad marriage for the perks, then be ready to take responsibility for the consequences of your decision.
    Marriage is not a do or die affair. There is no special heaven for those that choose to stay married against all odds. We need to learn to put ourselves first sometimes as women. No amount of money or financial security is worth your happiness, sense of self worth and peace of mind.

    • Anon

      May 18, 2018 at 7:33 pm

      Please don’t forget there are men than kill their S/O’s just for leaving them. So when you say that “did they put a gun to your head” tread carefully

  5. Nakoms

    May 18, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    Nkem, now this is an authentic piece! Unlike the plagiarized garbage you dropped a couple of weeks ago.

    Keep it up.

    • slice

      May 18, 2018 at 5:22 pm

      IPlagariazed? Where is the original

  6. Nike

    May 18, 2018 at 4:40 pm

    The danger of a single story.

    I can relate to Nkem’s story. Interestingly, it is the dynamic in my home – but in a different way. My parents are both very educated in the best universities – my dad on scholarships, my mum (equally as brilliant) was educated by her parents. My mum comes from a wealthy family – my dad from a poor poor poor family. She married him. She earns higher than he does till date. Yet she sends all her money to him every month then she takes permission from him to give her her own money. Isn’t it laughable? He cheats on her, shouts at her and insults her. Yet she stays..

    We have warned her not to ever tell us that she stayed because of us – because it is a blatant lie. Recently, we offered to assist her get a flat to move to and start her life afresh, she agreed then went behind us to make up with him. She stayed for love, for fear and maybe for society. Not for us – her children. Self imprisonment, no?

    • Olori Tobi

      May 18, 2018 at 5:07 pm

      Na wa oh, such a sad story. I’m very curious about how married persons share their finances. Do wives submit all their income to hubby or is there a separate joint account they pay into monthly while maintaining individual accounts. And if there is a joint one, how much do you pay in monthly- half your salary? All your salary? Why?

      *just asking cos I’m single – obviously waiting for Tobi, haha.

    • slice

      May 18, 2018 at 5:14 pm

      She may have stayed for you. Naija society can be quite mean to children of divorced parents. But I do believe from what you described it seems she stayed for her twisted version of love

  7. slice

    May 18, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    The Yoruba movie industry need better writers . Too many of their movies are about women tolerating rubbish and then the woman somehow forgives him in the end and their lives continue pretty much on his own terms.

  8. slice

    May 18, 2018 at 5:25 pm

    Needs*

  9. Tobe

    May 18, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    Hmmmm…
    This post hits very close to home, not just for me but for many other Nigerian millennials as well. You know, I used to hold sooo much bitterness against my parents for staying together. I mean, my dad never hit my mum or vice versa, there was just no love in the house.

    For one, my mum was (and still is) the breadwinner. Not that my dad didn’t work, he made just enough to get by and wasn’t intrested in going further. My mum on the other hand liked the finer things of life and wanted the best for her children so she TOILED day and night for years to give us the best. That I ever entered a plane or schooled abroad is 100 percent my mum. My brothers and I all schooled abroad and we (I especially) never had to worry about money.

    My mum was (is) an ordinary government worker, but anything extra she could do, she did to make money. Was it yoghurt, gold, okirika clothes, and now household items and interior deco that she didn’t sell? My mum has properties and investments all over Lagos because of her hustle
    She did ALL to give us the best financially.

    But it came at a cost, a very great cost. She became emotionally abusive without even knowing it. She resented my dad for not wanting to do more, and that resentment tricked down to us. We could drop a plate by mistake at home, and that was all it took for her to spend hours talking about all she’s done for us and how ungrateful we are, and it would sometimes be so bad that she would beat us up badly. She became emotionally and physically abusive to all of us. Because she was never home, the bond between mother and child was never cultivated, and as soon as we left the house, we communicated with her less and less because we were tired of her being emotionally abusive. None of us ever looked forward to coming home as it was like we had to walk on glass to not upset her (my dad inclusive) She never hesisted to remind him about how he’d failed as a father and how she was the one doing everything.

    For a VERY long time I resented her, very very much. And she resented me as well, she couldn’t fathom why I (we) would have any issues with her after all she’s done for us financially. Gosh, thinking back to those times have me teary right now. I never knew I could have that much bitterness against someone, let alone my mother. But God was there, and when I became a Christian he completely wiped away all my hurt and all my resentment. Like everything vanished! I felt so unburdened! Plus my mum had slowly started to realize her shortcomings as well and apologized to me over and over again. I also apologized cause I wasn’t exactly the easiest child to deal with. Not tp mention she didn’t have the best background growing up. Her mum and dad spilt early and her mom is by all ramificiations worse than my mum. ALL RAMIFICATIONS. She had no role model to teach her to be a mother.

    I’ve also gotten to appreciate the fact that my parents stayed together. May not have been the best of marriages, but in retrospect I realize that the stability was good for all of us (my siblings and I) I always tell my dad that he needs to get an award in patience for dealing with my mum for more than 30 years and not ever raising his finger on her. I saw her get him riled up over and over again and he never once hit her. She herself testifies to this.

    Plus living with my dad afforded me the opportunity to value a male figure at home. My dad and I weren’t close per se, but seeing him do stuff around like house (being the handyman, throwing the trash, making sure all the doors were locked at night) made to appreicate the protection and security that masculinity provides. Would most likely never have gotten that if my parents spilt up.

    Slowly and surely, we’re building the relationship we didn’t get to have when I was a kid and growing in our understanding of each other. Since all of us are out of school, she’s also slowed down on the money chasing and is trying to invest for when she retires in her old age.

    Why am I saying all these? I WILL NEVER BE THE BREADWINNER in my household. NEVER. My experience with my family was very traumatic and I do not intend to repeat it. My mum missed out on the chance to bond with her children chasing money? Was it worth it? I don’t think so. I see a lot of people makig lovey dovey posts about their mothers and I can’t even bring myself to. I’m just not there yet.

    I don’t even intend to make chase career or money once I become a mother. I’ll work from home to make just enough to take care of my personal needs and that’s it. Being a SAHM isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, it’s that we live in a culture of irresponsible men who abuse their God-given role as the head and providers to put their wives and children in bondage. In western countries, a lot of women can choose to be SAHM mums without any fear of retaliation because the men there value their wives, and there are laws to protect women if anything happens. I don’t want what happened with me to happen to my children. I want to be involved in every facet of my life and be unashamedly a homemaker. I also pray that God grants me a good man as a husband who knows the pivotal role that a wife and mother has in raising a family and values it greatly.

    I apologize if this was too long for you to read, or you got bored along the way. Just wanted to share my 2 cents (more like 5 cents LOL)

    • slice

      May 19, 2018 at 10:54 am

      I know too many stay at home naija moms whose kids can testify about serious nagging and beatings. Unfortunately this is what many naija mothers do rich or not. My mom included. When you see us post and praise them, it’s not cause they didn’t do those things. It’s in spite of. Also like many of our moms yours adddes on a strong financial struggle and paid for sound education. I don’t ignore her bad ways but honestly I give her huge propd. Many women hustle to buy things but she invested in her children and may God bless her with your gratitude. No, I don’t condone excessive nagging but I can assure you many in that generation, didn’t consider it abuse. P.s. your dad’s seeming lack of ambition and drive would frustrate any hustler

    • Ephi

      May 19, 2018 at 3:59 pm

      Wow Tobe, thanks for sharing that. I read every single line. The good thing is you will have the chance to be the exact kind of mother you want to be / didn’t have when you start having kids.

      Reading Nkem’s story now makes me understand why she writes the articles she writes, it’s all borne out of her experience, which some may share and some may not. For me, I grew up in a relatively balanced family and looking back now I realize it’s worth appreciating and being thankful for.

    • star

      May 25, 2018 at 8:11 pm

      Tobe if you ever get the time to read this i would like to say first am glad you’ve encountered christ, secondly am also happy you have forgiven your mum BUT you need to go further to love her PLEASE at those moments and seasons when she was nagging and hurting believe she never knew the damage it would cause, your mum put you guyz first before herself its heart breaking to tell her you regret it. Love is not only expressed when you feel it, its a choice. Begin to build that relationship you wish was there with your mum, until you call and tell her (mummy i love you even with your shortcomings am glad you where there) you healing would not be complete. Before your mum leaves this world love and appreciate her there are some mothers that had to leave their first marriage to keep their sanity but there came along more damage, please please consider my point

  10. Marvel

    May 18, 2018 at 7:28 pm

    Kai! Nkem, this was truly interesting and mirrors my childhood to an extent. I actually begged my Mum to leave my father. I thought they were such a mismatch from as young as 5 and vowed never to get married. My Grandmother and Mum were horrified when I informed them one day aged 6, that I would have 2 children, a house and a job but will not get married. My Grandmother shouted and nearly tumbled out of the armchair. The strangest part was my Mum’s sister was as tough as they came and would have never tolerated any of my Dad’s deeds.
    I believe that watching that sort of relationship takes its toll on young children who would probably make up their minds on issues that might affect their future relationships. This touched me deeply. I admire your honesty. God bless you!

  11. B.S

    May 18, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    God bless you nkem for this. I pray many of our men and women should not kill themselves or die due to high blood pressure because of marriage…

  12. Venus

    May 18, 2018 at 10:02 pm

    Nkem, am strongly with you on this one. Beautiful writeup…… Keep it coming girl. You rock!

  13. Mrs chidukane

    May 18, 2018 at 11:45 pm

    Its not easy. Women NEED to have a source of income for their own sanity. No matter how good your husband is. You need to have something going for you.

    • Chinenye

      November 27, 2018 at 1:01 pm

      Yes at for their sanity.

  14. gbaskelebo

    May 19, 2018 at 12:08 am

    A perfect single story stroking the bosoms of feminism,it ends with a very good advice yet woven within the thread of your story is the poisonous subtlety, you called traditional an excuse to dominate? Having finance to run the home a form of what abuse you say and not protection? Newsflash my mum went to school in my dad”s house after 4 children, did that stop her from performing her traditional role? No! Yes her views did change in a lot of ways but she never did challenge the actions of my dad and whenever there was a need to, reason and sanity was not absent! You should be thanking your mum for staying and making sure you turned out right, else we wont be reading your write today… Even at that you still had to take an extreme view which make me question if you turned out right or probably this chaotic equality gospel has gotten to you, I must confess for the ladies of this age, there is always an easy or leeway out and it has a new name “feminism” keep fanning the flames! Destroy your right to be called women and homemakers, nature gave you the “pouch” for a reason! unto second base tinz joor!

    • slice

      May 19, 2018 at 3:29 am

      You’re twisting the story to make your own case. There’s nothing here against tradition…whatever you mean by that. The mother herself agrees it wasn’t a good place for her. Don’t abuse anyone just because you are taking care of them.

    • gbaskelebo

      May 19, 2018 at 7:11 am

      Twisting you say? This is from the article “…. He abused her financially for years in the name of being a “traditional” man…”

    • slice

      May 19, 2018 at 10:41 am

      That doesn’t mean she’s against tradition. It means she’s against abusing her mother or anyone in the name of tradition

    • gbaskelebo

      May 19, 2018 at 11:38 am

      @ Slice don’t defend this you brought in the aspect of “tradition” I used the words in the article “traditional” the mum had a choice to continue or pursue her dream even in her husbands house, well we all have our individual and separate realities, the story here does not cut it for me and I should add I see her view as a selfish and weak one and her mothers words the view of balanced strong woman. so a little discomfort you throw in the towel or pick up the knife? Oh please… Well her reality, her words, her view! unfortunately I do not agree.

  15. Ebuka

    May 19, 2018 at 5:55 am

    Ahah! so this is where you got it from Nkem? you are just like your dad – introverted yet domineering. Thank God you are a woman and not a man.

  16. gbaskelebo

    May 19, 2018 at 7:09 am

    Twisting you say? This is from the article “…. He abused her financially for years in the name of being a “traditional” man…”

  17. Wait

    May 19, 2018 at 8:12 am

    Nkem what of women who make more than their husbands or are even the breadwinner yet choose to stay in an abusive marriage?

    • Nnamdi

      May 20, 2018 at 7:00 am

      those ones have been mentally abused or they are so intent on having a certain image to appease the society that theydeny themselves of self love.

  18. Lady S

    May 19, 2018 at 9:05 am

    I thank God for the kind of home my parents gave my siblings and I…my mum was a SAHM…but my dad never rubbed it in her face that he was the breadwinner…for all I know my mum is my dad’s mumu button…I can’t relate to stories of abusive marriages…maybe because of my parents or maybe I just don’t understand it…my dad saw my mum through university and even opened a business for her which later on folded up but he never for once made her feel less of a human being…I honestly wish God will give me a man like my father.

  19. UZOAMAKA

    May 19, 2018 at 9:06 am

    @Ebuka – your statement is part of the cultural and institutional problem in this society “Thank God you are a woman and not a man.”
    We owe it to posterity to change this irrational thought process that the assumptions you made about Nkem would be suddenly validated by an alternate gender other than what she is. This is the problem!!!

  20. Larz

    May 20, 2018 at 7:34 am

    Sorry to hear this. There are much more options today for women. Not enough but better than your mum’s time.

    Let me be real to you. Your mum couldn’t have left her husband. Back then, very few if any one in Nigeria will support her to leave her husband not even her family or friends. Back then the only way a woman MIGHT (and even that isn’t guaranteed) get help from family to leave her husband or go back to her parents is if a) he kicked her out b) he beat her and it was quite fatal c) he slept with someone deemed abominable I.e. her sibling or children. With 4 children, very few ppl will take her into their home
    With no education, her best job prospects will be menial at best and won’t help with taking care of 4 children.

    To leave, her best option will be to leave you kids behind, that might mean an increase chance of abuse of you guys from his relatives and any other wives he might have and she might not be allowed to see you guys. Not manyneill be willing to make that risks. Most times our parents weighed their options and chose what they believe was the best options. Hindsight is a funny thing. I bet our offspring and future generations will look back and question decisions we made. Forgive your mother so you can enjoy piece of mind and the rest of her life together. Be comforted in the fact that she chose what she believed the best for her family especially you kids. I personally think most of the other options available for her might not have yielded results as good as your current reality

    All the best and give that woman a hug

  21. Leslie

    May 20, 2018 at 11:29 am

    Interesting story, but I hasten to say, it could have not being that bad for her to stay in such an abusive relationship. I believe there may have been times when she felt fulfilled, albeit a small percentage of her time and that may have been her driving force to carry on. Love may be the reason why she stayed on, rather than finance, as human beings can only endure suffering for sometime and they snap. Nowadays people are too quick to jump ship and by hopping from bed to bed, they never find satisfaction in any relationship.

  22. wide eyed

    May 21, 2018 at 12:47 am

    Hi Nkem.

    I follow your write up, I spent almost a week going through all your other write up and I am not finished but it is obvious that you are very talented! Please do you know of any formal/informal writing courses in reputable institutions which you can recommend to intending writers?

    I hope you get to read this and respond in details.

    from your fan

  23. bolintin

    May 22, 2018 at 5:32 pm

    Too long?
    noooo my dear. it was one of the best reads.
    I loved it and learnt a lot from it.
    I am at that stage where I am also trying to weigh all this hustle hustle thing as a woman.. Recently i made some changes. I just hope I get it right at the end of the day and by God’s grace my old age is glorious.

  24. bolintin

    May 22, 2018 at 5:32 pm

    Tobe, This is for you.

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