Writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie on Wednesday appeared on “The Daily Show” with Trevor Noah.
Chimamanda discussed her book, “Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions,” and provided insight on feminism.
A particular comment on chivalry, however, about how it’s rooted in misogyny, seems to be rubbing people the wrong way.
While some have said she’s only asking that everyone be kind, regardless of gender, and that kindness not be gendered, others have said she’s taking feminism too far.
Watch the interview HERE.
See a few of the comments below:
Love how Chimamanda triggers all of these conversations whenever she interviews.
— Ebuka Obi-Uchendu (@Ebuka) June 7, 2018
Chimamanda said treat everyone – men or women equally and all of a sudden patriarchy cannot stand the thought. How surprising?
— Iyinoluwa Aboyeji (@iaboyeji) June 7, 2018
In the world of Chimamanda, if it’s raining, and you have an umbrella, but a lady you’re with doesn’t have one, you really don’t have to cover her or let her have it. Doing so makes the lady seem “weaker”. Correct?
— Övie (@OvieO) June 7, 2018
All Chimamanda is saying is: Hold or open doors because you want to, because it makes you feel good. Not because you're opening it for a woman, and just because she's a woman, you need to open the door for her.
Is that so difficult to understand?
— OD (@onuohadave) June 7, 2018
I'm just waiting for better day that Aunty Chimamanda will have problem with us giving these girls money… 😁😁 That day e, I go support her!
— Genius Joker NG 🇳🇬 (@GeniusJokerNG) June 7, 2018
A man who open/hold the door for a lady:
Is mature.
Is considerate.
Is respectful.
Is supportive.
Is affectionate.
Puts the lady first.
Appreciates the lady.
Knows how to treat a lady exactly how she's supposed to be treated.Dear Chimamanda, chivalry isn't weakness.
— Iyá Lájè Of Lagos (@newscantell) June 7, 2018
Chimamanda will articulate the most basic concepts of feminism and you guys call her radical and want to damn near tear your shirts. Do you people really have sense or is there something wrong?
— Queen Fayoscosco (@fayoscosco) June 7, 2018
Understand Chimamanda. I think some people listen to her with the intention to find faults with whatever she has to say.
— JJ. Omojuwa (@Omojuwa) June 7, 2018
Chimamanda basically said grouping “women & children” together in times of tragedy suggests women are weak. Focus on ALL those (men, women and kids alike) who are weak, ill or old cos they need protection most.
She even backed men. Why are you people vexing?
— Adesola (@_Brayz) June 7, 2018
The only thing I have say to the Chimamanda debate is this:
I absolutely love it when a man opens doors for me. Infact, any man who does this (friend or lover) scores major points with me because I regard it as being gentlemanly. Weakness doesn’t come to play here AT ALL.— Moji Delano (@MojiDelanoBlog) June 7, 2018
This was Chimamanda’s point. Leave chivalry and be decent to everyone. Prioritize the physically weak and ill. It’s simple. Like many of you clearly are in the brain.
— Damilola Oyedele (@DamiOyedele) June 8, 2018
I'm about to shoot a romantic scene where the guy pulls out a chair for the lady to sit
I let Chimamanda down
— Imoh Umoren (@ImohUmoren) June 8, 2018
Chimamanda matter don tire me. She's always upset about everything
— Mr. Jack Robinson (@jackdre02) June 7, 2018
Most men are stronger than women, men protect women, gender roles are ok if it’s not harming anyone, it does not make you a lesser person. Opening doors is a really nice gesture. Please don’t create a war where there isn’t one. Don’t take good things away daughters of chimamanda
— jay👑👸 (@iam_jayCheqs) June 7, 2018
People rush to misunderstand everything and I think its because many don’t understand where some traditions stem from. Chilvary started because men were told they were stronger,women were weak and so,they had to protect and help the weak=women. She is saying don’t open the door for me because you think I am weak. Do it because its the nice thing to do. Render help to those who most need it. In an emergency, let the ones who are sick or handicapped be helped first because they need it the most. Majority of the people screaming have never had any door opened for them,the men have never opened the door for anyone either. My son holds the door for me to pass and he’s 3. He does that because I used to hold the door for him before he learned to do it himself. He also holds for his dad and little sister. Hold for everyone oh. May God give us a spirit of understanding. Tufiakwa!
Ovie with the stupid umbrella comment,so you share your umbrella only because she’s female? If its a guy you will let the rain beat him? Ode!
Thank you so much for taking out time to write this. People just use terms like “Chivalry” and “gentleman” without understanding the history behind those words as it relates to women. It came at a time when it was set out as a way for men to act towards women who were classified and “weak” and “underneath” men.
Even those who have never even met a chivalrous/gentleman (most Nigerian men don’t even do this or know how to do it) are criticising her.
I love chimamanda’s books and admire her. . But sounds like she’s projecting what she’s going through in her marriage, and her relationships with men in general as an objective statement. I have attended couple of her events and met her husband once. She’s lovely in person. However, I couldn’t help but notice how stiff they both were around each other. The guy was very serious and looked bothered. Not once did he smile or looked interested. However, I can’t judge based on that alone.
Those who put on a facade of being so strong in public are suffering the most behind closed doors.
If she feels a man holding a door is bcos she’s weak, simply tell her husband and men who do that to her to stop. It’s her life.
I’ve been married for 20years, and my husband doing small things like that puts a smile on my face. I could care less if he thinks I’m weak.
Just when I hold the door for people, they are appreciative.
The amusing thing is that there are a good number of men who practice so-called chivalry to its last letter but are absolute boors to people around them who may be truly incapacitated or who are men.
Why is it so hard for us to get the message here? Just be kind to everyone. It really is not that hard to grasp.
P.S: Your 3 year old is on a wholesome path towards becoming a decent human being. I love it.
Thanks MzSA. He surprises me everyday. He’s the best. A true gentleman like his dad.
Mrs chidukane i totaly disagree with you, based on history like the victorian era, men are expected to do this for a woman be it a sister or wife not because she is seen as weak but because every woman should be treated with honour,,love and appreciation. A woman is viewed as a FLOWER that should be nutured and catered for because really this is every woman’s desire, most of these gestures are out of love . Men naturally are created by God with the indwelt desire to provide, protect and care for their loved ones it started in the garden of EDEN before the fall of man. SO, the one MAJOR problem i keep having and will always have with chimamanda and all FEMINIST is they sideline the thought GOD had when he says in a marriage setting the man LEADs, he is the head and though i know some of these mindset in the world needs change because women are suffering but then she is taking women from frying pan into fire subtly, there are differences between a man and a woman you watch a movie where tom cruz had to jump from a tall building and all that plenty stunts almost costing him his life yet the feminist are asking for equal pay? Fo why? when a man ask for a woman’s hand in marriage he promises her parents to protect and take good care of her, not because they are poor or she has no stable income or WEAK but because its his responsibility as the head of the home
Mind you most men are physicaly stronger than women you cant debate that, when we where little one of my brother pushed three girls down and he was just four years old then, so whats the problem, you buy heavy EQUIPMENT who do you ask to carry them? WOMEN? Smhh so man offers to help you because he knows he is physically stronger is it not true? But if you say MENTALY thats where we could have a debate WE SEE MEN EASILY WALK AND WORK UNDER HEAVY RAIN and the next day they come to work like nothing happened so ,the rain falls and he offers a woman his umbrella because he knows he can withstand the rain longer.
“…because every woman should be treated with honour,,love and appreciation.”
So because you have a vagina “you should be treated with honor”‘? Lmao!
In the same vein, you say women are suffering? So despite the ‘honor” you say you get from being submissive, men still dey show you people shege? Rotflmao!!!!!
Buhahahahaha!!!!!!!!
Abeg abeg abeg,women cannot endure rain? Hahahahahaha! I guess you’re a man. The reason women avoid the rain is because they don’t want their hair to smell. The End! Not because they can’t endure rain.
The reason men are called to lift heavy equipment is because they are SEEN as stronger. Even I am stronger and have more stamina than many men.
Where did Adam provide for Eve in the garden of eden? I want to read that passage. Point it out to me.
I agree with everything you have said except the rain part.
Can people do things without extra added to it anymore? The gesture of a guy opening the door was more of a “romantic” thing and he’s paying attention to her. Geez, chimamanda is sweating frivolous things. I will like to hear her talk more about her actions for women to have equal pay and rights. Girls having equal education. Girls/women organizations she’s adding value and devoting her time to.
The whole feminist talk every second is getting old hence the reason women are still suffering till today. She’s trying too hard, she’s talking too much.
Take a deep breathe, chimamanda.
Mrs chidukane I love your son already. I hold the door open for everyone, male or female, junior staff or senior staff.
What Chimamanda is simply saying is that people should examine their actions. I see it all the time where men hold the door open for a woman but they then leave it to swing into another man’s face. In other cases, some men open the door for good-looking women but not for women they don’t find attractive. In such cases, it’s all about having the recipient look favorably on you. Frankly, that’s the root of chivalry.
@Mrs chidukane
Why the Mrs? Is it because you are weaker than your husband? Adichie type of feminists are the worst because they are full of contradiction and always trying to prove unnecessary point and fail woefully with nothing accomplished. I bet this same woman has high demands, expectations from her husband. Treat her special, is she weak then when she expects things from him.
This is not the way to challenge men and assert a woman’s power. This is childish.
She has a huge platform, she should use it better not to lose respect for herself.
People refuse to understand her because they are already finding fault in her before she says anything. Open door for people generally if you want to, She just taught me to open door for a woman too and i should not always expect a man to open the door for me. Just be good normally.
In times of tragedy, help the weak e.g pregnant woman and the young ones like children first and not generally feels the women are weak and should be rescued first thereby leaving the males that that are weak behind.
I love Chimamanda jare. I understand her perfectly.
So you mean you never thought to hold the door open for someone next to you whether male or female until Chimamanda told you too?
WONDERFUL!
Ona, your comment na lol
Diamond please reason this thing for me
@Ona people learn everyday.
Off course, but there are certain things that are expected, good manners, simple courtesy, compassion.
I can’t remember going through a particular course to learn this but hey i know its the proper thing to do. So lets not try to sugarcoat everything.
Sorry don”t mean to be harsh,
Wait imma let y’all finish .. but her hair, her dress!!
Is that her real hair or something attached, it looks so nice.
How do I make my hair like this – any suggestions?
This lady can start a youtube channel on hair alone and still blow!
Her destiny to be #successful# too strong.
@Olori, it takes care and love to have this kind of hair. I am also carrying my natural hair which would be 2 years in few days and what I’ve learnt so far is that for your hair to grow and be beautiful, you have to nourish it, care for it and feed it like you would your stomach for it to love you back.
Peace ✌
BN doing some heavy message-pushing and censorship here… issokay
Makes absolutely no sense. No woman is too weak to open a door, it’s borne out of love, or at most courtesy. sHould we also stop complaining when a woman is FIGHTING a man and he knocks her out? Awoman will slap a man, when he retaliates they will say ahhhh, she’s a woman. Is she weak then or not?
@Kooki honey we are in 2018, I think we have already established that everybody should keep their hands to themselves, if you as a woman decide to act like a babarian and a street tout, then it is fair game if you are treated as such. Period.
On this matter I don’t understand why there is a debate. How about simple human decency, I know men who are completely nice and “chivalrous” to women in the work place, but terribly rude and condescending to other men especially the ones they consider “beneath them”. In cases like that I don’t have any respect for that individual. Women who fawn over these small gestures baffle me, you watch this same man open the door for you on your way to a restaurant but is completely appalling to the waiter who serves you ?? No sir/ma’am
This whole concept of masculinity amongst men is a shame, watching men treat their women with respect and then act like complete assholes to other people is why chivalry or being a gentleman is an ancient concept to me. Try being a decent human being with emotional compassion to every individual, male or female. Period.
Two likes for you. I no longer get angry when anything Chimamanda says set some folks off. No matter what she does they already preconditioned their brains/minds to understand it wrong.
Feminism and Chivalry are alike but with different motives why not just be good people and forget all the tags.
Many thanks @ Mrs Chidukane and those in the same school of thought.
The problem with those that misunderstood Chimamanda is that they interpreted her statement in ‘vernacular’. Lol
So some of you people think chivalrous gentlemen open doors for women because they think women don’t have the physical strength to open doors?? Lmao not this night abeg
In some countries, it’s the norm to hold doors for people, it’s seen as courteous.
Women can be strong and very feminine – yes, you can be both!
I believe in a partnership where both parties complement one another. I believe that some women have the tendency to be softer and more logical in their approach and some men are more analytical and don’t perhaps wear their hearts on their sleeves as much. Men are still emotional beings and can tend to their children, women can still be analytical and lead teams.
I definitely do not subscribe to the “head of the home bs”. Love and respect one another.
In Nigeria, I don’t believe we have had any form of women revolution ( The Aba women were the closest we got) I don’t think we’ve made the shift yet, like the British Suffragette women.
In some countries, women have fought for the right to vote, to work and to even access contraception to control their fertility. I see women taking pride in paying their share and thinking nothing of it.
I think we Nigerian women and men alike need to think and ask ‘why’. Why do men have to open doors for women? We study in the same classrooms as men, graduate with the same degrees, earn the same pay in average cases, so why should men pay for everything? I don’t understand it.
I believe in equality wherever possible.
I don’t think man and woman are the same. Our behaviours are controlled by different hormones however, women can actually do everything men can do and vice versa minus the biological advantages. The beauty is in the joining of the two – that’s where the magic happens! It should never be us against them.
Some very powerful people have programmed all of us…wrongly.
Nigerians should not be discussing this topic. This was for an international audience and they understood her well. That is why naija brains can’t process the rationale behind this topic. I mean you cannot argue for equality and then want the exclusivity of going to wars or opening doors as something men should do. This is basic logic. Chivalry is a Western system of codes and conduct for polite society- what gentlemen do for women and weak people in Western culture. Who dash naija men ‘gentlemen’ status? Lmao! Abegggi! When Fela was singing I no be gentleman at all, you think he was mad? lmao!
Interesting topic,
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, am a fresh graduate, currently waiting for service,. Am sincerely in need of a job,in order to keep body and soul together. Please I need to get a job, it’s important.
Thanks as I await your kind response
Ify your so funny lols anyway my dear you have to start with the low paid ines first while your on that you have higher chances of getting informations on other higher preferable jobs good luck but dont be idle ohhh start somewhere
People be shaking tables that need no shaking. I hear her quite alright but I don’t get why this is something to be debated on. Be nice to everyone, great message! A man opens the door for me I appreciate, he doesn’t, I open the door my self “nothing loss nothing spoil” however chivalry is an attractive trait and quality for me and I adore men that are genuinely intune with their emotions. The truth is any real man that treats a real woman like a queen will forever be a king to her. I wish people will let Chimamanda express her ideologies as she pleases, if it isn’t for you leave it there, if it is carry it with you. I honestly, don’t agree with most of Chimamanda’s school of thought maybe I am just not intelligent enough but my feminism really genuinely stops at equal rights for women and by that I mean same access to schools as men, no salary bias when it comes to women, be allowed to be whomever the wish governor, President, princess and anything along these lines, if we go any further than this, I believe we all want to be men then. Sooner or later men will start fighting women man to man ( I don’t mean this literally)…lol
Thank you for your comment. You took the time to say most of what I had in mind.
So when me and my oga dey waka for office corridor, who born me well not to hurry forward, (on heels for that matter) to get the door? Oga being either male or female.
We too dey form on top mata sha. Oyibo way dey do chivary, na their culture be that. They do it by rote; habit, if you like. They don’t often have to wake up every morning and say today, I’ll be a chivary somebodi. The spirit behind it is an environmental expectation. But to be kind, is have a genuine love for the welfare of all, regardless of gender.
I also believe that there is an innate need to protect in every man before it gets “lifed” away by experiences, expectations and feminist theories.
However, you will never catch me refusing an opened door or a pulled chair, or help with a shopping bag. Lai lai. Except with some very specific people when I use the “age before beauty” line and get the door or let them through before me. So long as the door haf open and we waka through. End of story and on to the next.
Why do you hurry forward to open the door for your oga? It’s eye service …
No @Manny. It’s out of respect for the person because my bosses are all far older than I am. I’m talking 25+ years and above. It’s an environmental/cultural expectation from the older ones that I submit to. I hear same happens in Japan.
And what if its eye service? You’ve never been “more” to advance something important to you? Are you or any of the 8 people who liked your comment above doing that? I know I’m not.
I also like to run on heels. Keeps the glutes occupied.
Sigh! At this point evryone shoukd live their life how they see fit biko. As for me….i am EQUAL to a man but i dont have the same ROLE as him. I am WEAKER. I can see it clearly and the Bible confirms it. I will SUBMIT to my husband but i havent been called to submit to every other man in society. I obey authority figures( as long as they arent against God)…everyone else is my peer.
You Cocoa have summarized it nicely. Equality is not sameness biko. I lead a team and my two direct reports are men older than I am and trust me, we work well and there is mutual respect. We need to teach our children to have self confidence, love and accept themselves and treat others the same way. That said, Ngee b’anyi, chi baby biko, the one you’ve said is enough, go and write a book but if you must fight this feminist fight, talk about real issues that limit females; like the kidnapped Christian girl in the North, the state of females in IDPs, women used to pay off debt in crossriver, those are the issues. Stop being a pawn in the hands of the west. And can we please stop this ‘Nigerians can’t get Chimamanda cos they lack critical thinking skills yadi yadi ya.’ It reeks of low self esteem
But wait o. People forget that Trevor sought of brought up the topic of chivalry and she gave her opinion about it.
Lol I’ve been sitting on my 2cents about Chimamanda for quite awhile now mainly cos this feminism drama is quite tiring. Luckily I’m not ‘losing love’ like some people lol cos I was never a fan, but that’s by the side. Me I just think it’s quite sad the way her arguements are going, the feminist fight in general to be honest I think has lost their way. Why would anyone chose to think that getting women and children to safety, protecting them first is wrong? Are they not the future of a generation? Mankind? Humanity? Is that not your slogan- something about how women teach the next generation? The reality is that nobody will carry you and throw you to safety, if you can stay, stay. Nobody will toss you aside to open your door, if you can open it open, but lord help you if that thing is armoured with galvanized steel and you can’t open it. Me, I’ll leave you to find your strength cos I don’t understand why you would reduce a gesture of affection and kindness that had special meaning to something as basic and simple as doing it cos I’m weak. He’s doing it cos a woman is special and should be treated as such. Me, I like my existence to be appreciated and especially cherished. I don’t want you to treat me like you are unbothered by what happens to me. Please o, bother. And because I know how you too are special, I will treat you your own special way. I don’t mean to be callous, but you guys are taking notes from someone who might potentially still be depressed… just think that through.
That I’m not a feminist doesn’t mean i don’t believe in rights for women etc, but my fight is for equity not equality. As a human, a woman, I am not equal to a man and neither is he to me. We are not even in the same equation so what are you calculating? Instead let’s focus on the equity of our presence in society as human beings. Fairness or lack of it is not from gender it is simply greed of man. Why? It is not just because you are a woman you might not get that promotion, even though you did the job, tribalism, ageism, religion, good looks, connection…it goes on and on. Enough men get shafted ‘because…’ but if they don’t have the fallback of gender then the issue might very well not be gender. Why would age affect what your salary should be? Expatriates are paid more for the same job a local does…why? Equity ensures that those who take the step to do, can. Equality attempts to raise everybody to the same level when it is just not possible. Equity has no gender, or group or race. You fight for equity you fight for everybody. Fighting for equity forces you to see a person for their potential to contribute just as much as fighting for equality does. The difference is that equality comes from a far more personal perspective. The degree of equality I want may not be the same as another, then what? I’m letting my people down? It is clear that feminism and the battle for equality is becoming more personalized and when objective starts to become subjective, we have Chimamanda.
Choi stephanie you go better school and the school pass through you, i never thought of it this way ohhh, let me jot down your points sef beta pikin