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“Submission is not in my dictionary and I define MY culture” – Eniola Hu addresses Viral Tweet about not Kneeling during her Yoruba Engagement Ceremony

BellaNaija.com

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Vlogger Eniola Hu is out with a new vlog.

She says:

I recently went viral for stating that my partner and I had a mutual agreement that I would not kneel for him submissively as a part of the Yoruba engagement ceremony. It set off a global conversation about culture and submission. I was asked who I was to change the longstanding culture and why I wouldn’t submit to my partner, being the man. Submission is towards authority. It is a word that should come nowhere near intimate relationships. And Culture is not static. People design it according to their needs. By nature, these beliefs were present during our traditional wedding in so many small acts. We found joy and peace in honoring who we were and touched so many in the process. I believe that the ones who lead with love will change their society one idea at a time so that this world becomes a place that serves ALL OF US.

Watch below.

45 Comments

  1. CrazyWorld

    September 3, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    ‘It set off a global conversation’ hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    • Tolu

      September 4, 2018 at 8:39 am

      Like sit yo ass down, girl. which kain global conversation
      smh

    • Slice

      September 4, 2018 at 12:30 pm

      It did actually. Different blogs carried it. And Naija folks are all over the globe

  2. Xo

    September 3, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    Pls let’s not deviate.. While I fully respect her(their) choices,this is not what feminism is about..

    Let’s stop deviating. People and their rules. But feminism is about equity and fairness.. Not about who will kneel and who will rise.. Who will cook and who will not… It’s about equal opportunities for both sexes..
    This is very very irrelevant. Out battles are way bigger than this.

    • Vera

      September 3, 2018 at 6:40 pm

      If that is the case why don’t we see the men kneeling then? Obviously that is because they are both truly truly not considered equals or else it wont just be women kneeling. It is not just about equal opportunity but being treated equally and fairly. I personally see nothing wrong with kneeling. My choice. But i see why some may have an issue. At the end of the day its her wedding, her rules, i dont see why there was the need for public uproar.

    • Cocolette

      September 3, 2018 at 7:33 pm

      But the man kneels to propose and we all hail it as romantic.

    • Amaka

      September 3, 2018 at 10:15 pm

      Because he chooses to. No one forces him to. She chose not to, no one could force her to.

    • Papacy

      September 3, 2018 at 9:06 pm

      …but the bride sits on the man’s leg during the traditional marriage in some cultures. Would you like to be sat on too?
      I agree with one of the comments here, the different layers to the feminism discourse is beginning to take away the importance the movement.
      She did not kneel for her husband, how in the world does that make it a feminist agenda? Will she accord her partner the respect he deserves and vice versa?
      Is it by kneeling or not that we can forecast how happy the marriage will be? All the “kneelers” how market?
      I now understand why DJ Cuppy said what she said sometime ago. We have muddled up this conversation and turned it into a battle if the sexes.

    • jade

      September 3, 2018 at 7:05 pm

      This feminism talk don suffer. What about people just do whatever they want. who cares. If you like, kneel, if you like don’t life goes on and we still breathe the same air.

    • Miss Bonnie

      September 3, 2018 at 8:34 pm

      like !!! Equal opportunities . That’s all . People should stop being dramatic . So because I knelt down for my husband during my traditional wedding I don’t know my rights?

      Joke of the century . Girl , stop trying to stay relevant . All your points just make me think you are insecure and i’m a girl btw . My husband respects me , he talks to me before taking any decision . He takes time off work so I can travel for work while he stays home with our 6 month old baby . he feeds her, changes her diapers , baths for her .. please what more do I need to say ? It’s a partnership . Did I kneel down during our traditional wedding to wear his “fila’ .. Yes !!! but who cares . he is my partner , Chances of me doing that again is zero .

      sorry for my rant . Stop promoting what your idea of feminism is . People have worked too hard for all this nonsense . Women are still a minority on boards , leadership .. you are here . smh

    • Miss Bonnie

      September 3, 2018 at 8:37 pm

      One more thing , the minute you start keeping scores in marriage . Who knelt down , who didn’t .. I wish you well .

    • curious

      September 4, 2018 at 12:32 am

      keeping scores!!!! you said all dear!!

    • godwin

      September 3, 2018 at 9:46 pm

      I`m happy your marriage is working out well and your husbands treats you as an equal however this isn’t your life she is talking about but hers.Do you understand it or do you want it translated into your local dialect?
      By the way,I`m a man and I totally respect her point of view. Some cultures don`t have any place in today`s setting/

    • D

      September 4, 2018 at 11:33 am

      thank you so much for the comment so much planning and talking for a 1hour 30min programme .like girl bye!! I did kneel for my husband and I never have to fight to stay relevant in my marriage cause my husband is quick to say it to other men “my wife is my equal and better half ” and he also help around the house.
      Madam, hope you also spent time planning the future of your marriage ,on who takes what if when you divorce and moving forward (as much as we don’t pray for it, in this ever changing world all conversation must be discussed including sexual preference) they should be part of the discussion.

      I remember watching Blackish,when Dr rainbows Mum said rainbow shouldn’t serve her husband food cause she is not subservient to him and mummy Dre said during the war when her husband comes home she fix him food and serve him cause she knows that at work he doesn’t get the respect he deserves and it’s her way of saying I love and respect you.(how I understood the statement)
      Until you stop seeing sacrifices made before and during marriage as an act of love respect and support then the marriage institution will continue to suffer in the hands of immature men and women.
      Dear iyawo olumide you need to work on your mindset, your marriage is too early to start picking imaginary battles.

    • D

      September 4, 2018 at 11:33 am

      @ Miss Bonnie

    • D

      September 4, 2018 at 12:52 pm

      Start to see the sacrifices made.

    • Fizzy

      September 6, 2018 at 3:16 am

      @D, after this long Essay, you husband “helps” around the house? Odiegwu. Pls. let us clap for husbands who “help” around the house. Mxxxxxxxxxxxxxieu

    • Ade

      September 4, 2018 at 12:53 am

      Speaking of equality, men do majority of the work especially being on top, and hitting it from the back.
      Can the fight for equality spread to the bedroom? Where women can do equally the same work as men by being on top more.

    • Jade Edo babe

      September 4, 2018 at 12:09 pm

      Hahahahaha chai, I Neva experit this.
      Ade u sef don add more fuel to the fire.
      Ladies, u hear am well include bedroom equality in feminism fight

    • Slice

      September 4, 2018 at 12:29 pm

      Find another babe

    • Slice

      September 4, 2018 at 12:33 pm

      I’m sorry this is exactly what it is about. Choices. She and her man didn’t want this and they cut it out.

  3. Nee

    September 3, 2018 at 6:31 pm

    Global conversation LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • Global Feminist

      September 4, 2018 at 2:41 pm

      but you’re laughing at it though, it caught your attention didn’t it? Why are you so quick to belittle her opinion?

  4. Amaka

    September 3, 2018 at 6:32 pm

    [email protected] guess whose knees didn’t touch the ground…

    • Anon

      September 4, 2018 at 5:03 am

      But as BN’s John would rebutt “guess whose knees touches the ground in the boudoir…” LOL!

      *just joking o!*

  5. Tolu

    September 3, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    I have always wondered when did kneeling down mean submission to your husband. why are me not focusing on other ways (ie tolerance, been able to compromise, ones attitude/characteristics) to decipher submission.

    As it relates to culture that is forever changing in accordance to ones belief, preferences, society, needs, nature, tradition…etc

    • Slice

      September 4, 2018 at 12:24 pm

      Kneeling down means submission. Anyone saying otherwise is lying. You can can say that’s not what it means to you but you can t say you don’t know that’s why they make you do it in some Naija weddings . The end.

  6. ponder

    September 3, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    The moment a man and woman agree on an issue it’s a done deal. Culture and rules are suspended because there is agreement. forget kneeling this applies to every other issues of life. Children are birthed from agreement between men and women.

  7. Modupe

    September 3, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    She makes some valid points. I have no idea why a couple can not define how they navigate their personal relationship or marriage. Where 2 agree even heaven agrees Abi? I think she is allowed to live her partnership/ marriages etc on her own terms and personal beliefs. I just hope we will get a point as a society where it is ok for a woman to be and be allowed to be on her own terms without the shackles of culture.

  8. Odum

    September 3, 2018 at 7:21 pm

    Why is it okay for a man to kneel down to propose? We are missing the point here. It is about symbolism and not about equality. Kneeling down during traditional wedding rites does not subjugate you to slavery in the marriage. It is only symbolism. It is neither feminist nor anti feminist. Let us not major on the minors.

    • Diamond

      September 3, 2018 at 10:34 pm

      Kneeling down is actually subjugation. And in reality not many men kneel to propose in our society.

  9. Mrs chidukane

    September 3, 2018 at 7:27 pm

    My friend didn’t kneel. In fact, it was her husband who knelt down to give her wine during the white wedding while we all screamed in shock. A full blooded igbo man oh! They are still married.

    • Amaka

      September 3, 2018 at 9:20 pm

      Lol! Who is ur friend ? I would love to meet her..talk about taming of the lion….

  10. Cocoa

    September 3, 2018 at 10:33 pm

    This is what happens when people don’t UNDERSTAND the meaning of Submission. When you dont understand Gods plan..even the things you should find joy in…you will be fighting over.

    SIGH.

    • Slice

      September 4, 2018 at 12:25 pm

      That’s just men sweet talking you into giving up your rights. Sweet submission ko

  11. Ace

    September 3, 2018 at 11:12 pm

    Paying dowry means you are buying the lady. It is not a choice for the man as he must pay it! Why don’t you also stop him from paying since it means you are an object that can bought!

    • Slice

      September 4, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      Actually these days many parents don’t collect anything. We can stop certain practices that don’t make sense or that make us uncomfortable

  12. OJ

    September 3, 2018 at 11:37 pm

    You people are here shouting upandan about kneeling or not kneeling while the Yeye woman is kneeling in the zaza room already. Una get time shaaaa. Btw. Bn hasn’t told how one popular bleached enlarged yansh and breast just bought a 260M house in banana island.
    ..if you know you know awon small girl big god runs

  13. Babe

    September 3, 2018 at 11:50 pm

    This submission is really not a big deal. It flows naturally when you marry right and in God’s will. Yes, submission is for Christians.
    It means letting your husband take the lead when need be and if it’s a true partnership, I’m sure you the woman would take the lead on other things too. It means expecting and honoring him which is what should obtain in every relationship and should be reciprocal too.
    The man in turn is supposed to love you scrificially. Where you have this, trust me No one will keep score.
    It becomes an issue when you marry someone who equates submossion with subjugation in which case, you didn’t look well before falling in love.

    • Slice

      September 4, 2018 at 12:26 pm

      Many men don’t want to lead. God didn’t require them to do that

  14. Dayo

    September 4, 2018 at 5:05 am

    Everybody makes good points here…
    And of course culture is not static but is constantly evolving.

  15. Bee

    September 4, 2018 at 6:18 am

    Finish the gist abeg ??

  16. molarah

    September 5, 2018 at 5:49 am

    The gist has gone far and here I am as a Yoruba girl wondering what part of the ceremony requires a bride to kneel for her husband. Or is she referring to the Igbo wedding ceremony part where the wife seeks out her husband with a cup of wine?

    If the part she is referring to is the wearing of her husband’s cap, I think the rationale for that kneeling is more practical than cultural. The Yoruba cap is best worn by someone else when they are at eye-level with you. Looks like yet another episode of much-ado-about-nothing.

    • Slice

      September 5, 2018 at 9:54 pm

      That’s just not true. You could very well stand and put the cap on. When trad is done, go for white wedding and try to feed him cake without kneeling in Yoruba wedding. Let all the Mamas and papas come for you. They even tell brides to kneel if they don’t and then follow it up with she is very well brought up. Lol

  17. larz

    September 5, 2018 at 9:21 am

    Every woman coming here saying that it is not a big deal, they did it and their husband still respect them. Ladies if it is not that big a deal, then why is it up for debate. If as a couple you have the right to design your wedding as you see fit, why is this an exception.

    PPS: you gotta ask yourself, if you are not doing it for yourself or your hubby why the he’ll does it matter.

    I did the whole kneel down at your trad event thing and hubby prostrating for in-laws and even had me tied to my MIL back. Both hubby and I discussed it and decided to just for the line for the sake of having a peaceful wedding. Guess what, it never ends, post marriage we keep getting told to do things we are not comfortable with because of trad. At some point we started saying NO and things have been better since then. Perhaps like these couple if we stick to our ground earlier ppl would have taken the hint much earlier and have low “trad” expectations of us.

    And for those that say this is not feminism. I agree it is two full grown adults taking control of their life and not be held back my weird traditions they are forced to do.

    The only thing I would do differently here is to not publicize my business but that is because I am a private person.

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