Sent From My BlackBerry: Just Say Amen!
Posted on Thursday, September 1st, 2011 at 12:39 PMBy Jibola L
Someone woke me up with a Happy New Month broadcast. This was just after I was drifting off to happy slumber @ 2am from news of the latest addition to my family (Yes, I’m an uncle again! Yay me). While I’ve made my peace with said broadcasts (seeing as a prayer really shouldn’t be seen as annoying), it made me reconsider what I had prepared for this month’s Sent From My BlackBerry
*clears throat*
All the prayer points may not apply to everyone, which ever is your ‘portion’ there, just ‘claim it’ in the name of whoever you serve (or don’t serve). Just say Amen.
Here goes:
- May your enemies suddenly develop a penchant for playing with live wire
- I am here to tell you this morning, that not only will you wear the Jeans, but you will also drive the car.
- May your vehicle not carry you to accident-porn areas
- Ah noo nooo, may your (last-kobo) BlackBerry Torch/Bold Touch/StruggleBerry/Scroll-wheel-BB not become a bottle of Aba-perfume overnight.
- May you and yours, never have need to call Daddy Bliss
- When all the Hot Girls in Lagos are going to a particular church, you will carry last. In fact, your legs won’t carry you there
- *ominous pause* Please close your eyes and read this carefully… There is somebody here, the enemies have been doing you ‘yinmu-yinmu’ behind your back,
The almighty has told me to tell you that, Ndi ocha will come and celebrate with you when you’re warming your house by the water in Lekki.
- Your enemies will not use your destiny to fly kite
- The enemies will not Mach on your flauwar this month
- *ominous pause* It has come to my notice that some people have refused to close their eyes to read while this prayer is going on. I want to tell you this morning, God knows your IP address. It is my prayer for these ones, that your children will not end up in Olodo Community Grammar school
- May they not have Superman flying all over their Batman bags.
- May your children not have reason to end up in such a hostel
- Your children will not learn Fockanaizer/Vulganizer/Voganizer trade in your life time (and after it)
- May you not put Steak in the oven and have it come out like this
Amen! Oya say Amen again! Ameeen!!!
Now that we’re done with the prayers, use this to bath
— twice everyday for the rest of this month.
MUSIC FOR THE MONTH: Jay-Z & Kanye West Feat Chris Brown & Ludacris – Watch The Bed
Tags: Blackberry, Chris Brown, jay-z, Kanye West, Ludacris, p-square, Sent From My BlackBerry
LMFAOOOOO!!!!!
Jibola you are MAD!!!
LoOlolOoL
jibolaL IS SICK! SICK IN A GOOD KINDA WAY!!!!! I LOVE THIS POST AND YEAH I SAID AMEN!
ROTFL!!! Beautiful way to start the month!
Very funny post!!! Can stil remember the day dey came to share the pamplets for the church in my school,I couldn’t believe my eyes, I even took a pic of it too.
Amen and Amen. i laughed so hard, tears welled up in ma eyes. Blackberry perfume o_O
LMAO.Thoroughly hilarious!
*dead*
*wipes tears* LMAO, Jibola I miss your blog!! #famz. Anyway I say a big Amen to my children not going to “Olodo community grammar school” lest they end up unable to spell flower X_X
Jibola I so love you. Thanks for putting a veryyyy biggg smile on my face.
AMEN!!! Dead @ “accident-porn” and “Dr Fireman’s church”. And, dang, that Blackberry eau de parfum… no words.
haa………..dis funny…………
LMAO, LRMOF oooooooooooooooooooooo…. Jibola Has killed me with prayers oooooo.
Thumbs up Bro… Just what i need on a hectic first day of the Month.
LMAO, too funny.
thanks
LWKMQ
Laff wan kill me die!!!! esp the one for rising cock hostel and “stop maching on flauwer” rotfl
very funny…
lmaoooooo dis is my 1st time commenting here, i just had too…hahaha i love this, ooo nd yh i said AMEN….
Hei!!!! laff wan kill mi die o!!! lol!!!
LOOOOL!!!!!!! I cant just stop laughing. more of thses to ease the tension one has to face in toiling for food. Correct post o jare!
hmmmmmmmmmm
this is funny. laughs for days
Too funny
help me cant stop lol.it crazy o.tnk u 4 dis 4 a start of a new month.luv it nd it too funny keep it well.
LMBOOOOOOO!! The “Superman flying all over their Batman bags” did it for me! lol
Oh my goodness
This made me laughed teary eyed….
So nice.. Amen… Amen oooooooo
Some of it is funny and some is just plain nonsense to me!
those were the exact words that refused to form in my head, hence my earlier comment (which didn’t actually contain words).
CHEI……..WIPIMG TEARS OUT OF MY EYES…..Pple don mad finish
LWKMFH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUNNY CRAZY STUFF!
O my goodness! Jibola, I’m here laughing hard and my Oyinbo co-workers are wondering what is funny about what I’m reading! LMHO @ Rising Cock Hostel. Amen o, my children will never end up there. And zsuperman flying on a Batman Bag, kai! Good laugh for a crazy Thursday morning.
http://gidimoregirl.blogspot.com
cant stop laughing and rolling……nice one
I laughed so hard, I just snorted pepper up my nose…and it hurts! :’(
Thanx Jibola…
jibola o serious o lmao,that daddy bliss banner is all over port harcourt
Had a really good laugh. Thanks Jibola for making my day!
…..hmmmmm…accident porn areas………..hilarious post.
RISING COCK HOSTEL FOR REAL? That was crazy funny. And about that having babies in ninety days…hmmmmm. I no fit comment o.lmao. This is a good one for september.
Jibolaaaaaaaaaa! u won’t kill me. kai, but pple wicked o. COCK RISING ke?
lmao jibola is a case i swear
You just simply get better
na real wa abeg. LWKMD!
Amen,Amen,Amen in Jesus name. Fireeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Jibola ohhhh. LWKMD. In fact Laff don tear my belle.Imagine having children from Daddy Bliss only to have them go to Olodo Community Grammar School and not being able to spell ‘flauwar’. I don laff soteyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Woo Jibola, awon enemies ma gan pa ni!
Do you realise some of us are at work reading this thing, come and see tears rolling down my eyes, may your children not be vulganiser, wo dont injure me, oyinbo man will soon think I dey funny for head
lmaooo amen ooo
Amen forgot to add that at the end lol
every body in my office is now contemplating if im running mad as i v bin laughing hysterically ooooooooooooo. the “stop evil ” soap was the the heights. i still cant stop laughin. jIBOLA U R GUDDDD!!!!!!!!!
No wah oh, Jibolaaa, i don die… cant dtop laughing Abeg oh, go easy on apoor soul. and ofcourse AMEN and AMEN again.
LWKMD!!!! i cant say a thing more.
lwkmfh jeez….made my morning..tnks…. looooool @ d blackberry perfume
ROTFLMAO!
Good one!
This Jibola L is literaly a funny guy!love his articles n pls wats ur twitter handle?thumbs up!
@JibolaL U’r welcome
Hey! I have died! I have Died. LWKMD.OMG. Abeg Oh! this one is too much! Your a very funny guyt i’ll give you that.
Apayan…looool
Is that a real church? Can’t be oh… na wa for ppl… Love dis
http://www.9jamom.com
Jibs, i have settled with you, this is so hilarious ! really and very creative too, well done dear!——
*DEAD* AND *BURIED* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Jibola your articles are just the best……….. I could not stop laughing. Good one ..
LMAO @ the accident porn area! http://www.karimalo.com
LWKM4H…literally laughing out loud @ work!
Very good and funny way to start the month.
this is creative, where do u get those picx from?
How can u read this at night without waking up d baby??? Jibola better come n rock him back 2 sleep o
Omg, this is too funny. I can’t stop laughing.
The little boys are too adorable. The way he raised is hands is classic!!!!
I just want to use this opportunity to tell Jibola thank you. I nearly disgraced myself in this office with the way I was laughing. Now awon oyibo think the quiet black girl is crazy…I don’t care mehn. this is hilarious….
You na no go kill person
Sha thank you…hahahahahahaha
pursue ur God-given talent now,JIBOLA!
Ha! Nigerians!! fear God nah!! hahahahahahaha hilarious shit!
Chei!!! You will not kill me ehn.
LMAO!!! (in the office for that matter)
Thanks Man,needed this.
Lets make history again.
Vote Sophie Gemal for Miss Universe 2011.
http://missuniverse.com/members/profile/599553/year:2011
laff wan kill me die!!!!!!!!!
lwkm…………………..very funny
bwahhahaha ROFLMAO Gosh LWKMD… I just read this in class and am sitting here cracking up #wipestears AMEN AMEN AMEN LMAO
Jibola are u in any way related to Segun that used to write for True Love….. U guys just crack me up!!!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLL! the people at work are looking at me like i’m crazy but they do not understand! haha you just made my day with this prayers.
going laugh, going laugh, gone!
Amen! Lol!