On Becoming a Man: The Invisible Monster

Posted on Friday, October 19th, 2012 at 5:47 PM

By Gbenga Awomodu

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” ― Carrie Fisher

A young man came to me distraught, heads-bowed in silence. He had traversed the city, been to many places, attempted many things, met many people – the list goes on.

“For how long will I continue to feed the dreams of other people and tend their gardens? Why is Disu doing so well in life, and I always playing the second fiddle?”

All he could see was other people riding his dream cars, living his dream mansions, regaled in his own dream apparel. They all seemed to live what to him remained only a daydream.

I called him by his name, and when he raised his head again, I looked into his eyes. The heaving sound from his nostrils shattered the silence. Then we talked.

***

It is evil to kill human beings!
Our leaders are corrupt! They must go to jail.
Liars! Yes, you are liars. All liars will go to hell fire.
Adultery is a sin. How can a woman sleep with another’s husband; a man, another’s wife? God forbid!

You are so quick to judge the obvious, conspicuous, easily seen sins.

You also love keeping up with the Joneses. They were never your neighbours until you left your haven in search of what was much more. There is nothing wrong with lofty dreams, except for you. You, who crave all that glitters, yet disdain moderation and dignity. You: the all-important one who must get the choicest of things first.

Remember when you got so angry when some other student scored higher than you; or when you kept malice the one who ‘stole’ your girlfriend’s heart?
What kills a man and nails his destiny to a permanent finality is within; it is hardly seen, mostly below-the-surface, often invisible.

How is it, young man, that you do not see those ‘little sins’, like resentment? Aeschylus once said, “It is in the character of very few men to honour, without envy, a friend who has prospered.” I wonder what you would do with those who are not even your friends!

Beware when you begin to count the blessings of other people, and the exercise only leaves you no time to count your own. Why would a man do that? Why would a young man squeeze and belittle his own soul? You remain in that little box, and you must (always) fill that little space, only you! Envy can never be sated.

If you must find true happiness, envy nobody. And, always remember what François de La Rochefoucauld said, that “Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy.”

*P.S: Sincere apologies for this post coming a week late. Next edition will still come your way next weekend. Ciao!

Photo credit: www.writerunboxed.com
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The On Becoming a Man Series is a bi-monthly column – a collection of musings that seek to unravel the mind of the young man, and are not necessarily autobiographical. Gbenga Awomodu is an Editorial Assistant at Bainstone Ltd./BellaNaija.com. When he is not reading or writing, Gbenga is listening to good music or playing the piano. Follow him on Twitter: @gbengaawomodu | Gbenga’s Notebook: www.gbengaawomodu.com | Facebook Page: Gbenga Awomodu

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  • 16 Comments on “On Becoming a Man: The Invisible Monster”

    Comments
    • diana October 19, 2012 at 7:15 PM

      nice one!!!

    • LOL! October 19, 2012 at 7:32 PM

      I lyk d topic but d structure is every where but except dat pretty good

    • viv October 19, 2012 at 8:03 PM

      Don’t understand this article!*#

    • Observer October 19, 2012 at 8:53 PM

      I love this! We all constantly need this timely reminder!

    • T.S. October 19, 2012 at 9:30 PM

      Great Post! I love the following

      Beware when you begin to count the blessings of other people, and the exercise only leaves you no time to count your own.

      If you must find true happiness, envy nobody. And, always remember what François de La Rochefoucauld said, that “Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy.”

    • Babycakes October 19, 2012 at 9:54 PM

      Thank you for that!!!
      Count your blessings, don’t be ungrateful. I know that feeling but my own day will come and God will be there for me as always

    • AA October 19, 2012 at 10:20 PM

      No one will comment on this. Naijas just love to wallow in hate and envy. Nice article though

    • Brandigest October 19, 2012 at 10:30 PM

      Comparison may lead to envy which threatens contentment. http://www.brandigest.wordpress.com

    • Partyrider October 19, 2012 at 11:00 PM

      Great post!

    • HOUSE OF ZINNO October 19, 2012 at 11:02 PM

      WELL NOTED. THANKS FOR THAT…….

    • Amber October 20, 2012 at 3:01 AM

      There is always a bit of envy in everybody.it depends on how and what you make use of it.

      • faith October 20, 2012 at 11:15 PM

        U R RYT

        • cathy October 21, 2012 at 3:20 PM

          true, you can decide to turn it into something productive. like making it a challenge of making something too out of you.

    • Desire October 22, 2012 at 10:17 AM

      I have learnt in life to always appreciate what God has blessed others with. I covet, but i never envy others becos i know its only a matter of time before i have it. God’s grace makes all things available to the righteous. Nice article

    • Ade December 4, 2012 at 5:07 PM

      Gbenga, God bless you-timely word! To God be the Glory!