Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: The Nightmare on Wedding Street

What did I get up to this weekend? I am a special Couch Potato. I live and thrive for the comfort of the couch and TV. Where NEPA fails me, I revert to my computer and I watch as many episodes of Modern Family as my heart can take till I fall asleep. So, knowing what my ideal state of bliss is, you can imagine how grumpy I’d get if there’s something that tries to dislodge me from that uber-comfy position. Anyway, so on Saturday, my friend sends me a Blackberry message. He’s at a church, his friend is getting married and he’s a groomsman. I say, good for you! I’m in my Comfort Zone. Then he launches into a tirade of how they’ve been standing for 40 minutes because the Minister hasn’t given them permission to sit down. My friend is a Muslim and he goes “Ah! O ma ga fun Church yii ke. Ese’n ro mi ke” (Na wa for this Church. My legs hurt) I commiserate with him and I console him that it’s going to be over soon.

The True Champions – The Bridal Train
I think being a bridesmaid or a groomsman is a true test of love! Honestly, in this day and age when bridesmaids are being levied 25,000 Naira and above for dresses, excluding the cost of shoes, hair and make up….They’re the underrated champions at weddings. They ACTUALLY have to sit through the entire service and try not to nod off or try not to get caught on camera while they’re punching away at their blackberries.
I went for a wedding where the bridesmaids dresses were errr “rather indecent” in the words of the Minister and he decided that the indecent dressing of the girls should be the topic of the wedding sermon. As we sat there in agony, it was only going to get worse, the Minister called the girls to come inside to be prayed for (They hadn’t been allowed inside the premises). I don’t think any of those girls will agree to be on ANY bridal train ever again.

No Shoes? 
There was another time when we had to attend a wedding at one of the churches where you don’t wear shoes. I guess we didn’t factor in the fact that the rules applied to outsiders as well and we were rather perplexed when we were asked to take off our lovely shoes and had to walk with our bare feet into the church. My own fear was even that my shoes    should not be stolen.  It was the last time I went for a church wedding. However, some wedding receptions are not any better. Having to sit through long torturous speeches by the Chairman, or being served cold food or heaven help you if the bride is having some form of melt down and she refuses to come into the hall because the decorator didn’t hang up lights on the stage.

These things happen when there’s improper planning  and sometimes, it’s really not the fault of the host/hostess.  But you have to give credit to people who leave their comfort zone to attend your events, because truly, they are the underrated champions of the day.

Have a fabulous week ahead, keep a smile on your face and remember to stay positive.

Oh! and don’t forget to share your wedding horror stories with us.

Toodles!

Photo creditbridalbuds.com

160 Comments on Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: The Nightmare on Wedding Street
  • Molade November 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Talk about horror. How about, I was the maid of honour for someone i considered my best friend. We got to church late, due to traffic (it rained that morning) and the service over ran. She didnt heed advice about not having the reception SO FAR AWAY FROM CHURCH, because of traffic. In all the rush to take pictures at church, and rush to get to the reception, the bride had the nerve to LEAVE ME BEHIND AT CHURCH. No joke. i turned around, and she was gone, and I was maid of honour. Imagine that. I was told by one of the other bridesmainds, that we should find our way to the reception. Lord knows I wanted to go home right from church. I was sooooo angry, I was almost in tears. I managed to squeeze into the car of one of the guests at church, all the while fuming till church. I got to the reception, and she said, sorry na, her dad was just screaming for them to leave, and so, you zoomed off with your husband, and there was space in your car, and you didnt think of me. Guess what, she expected me to play my maid of honour role at the reception. I had to sit and smile through all the reception photos before they danced in. I have a lovely smile, but that day, I couldnt bring myself to smile much, and i ddint care. I gritted my teeth, smiled (if you know me, you would have known something was wrong by looking at the wedding pictures). At that point, I didnt send, if anyone would think. I danced with her in, people dancing in with them too were saying, chief bridesmaid, smile na, are you not happy for her? If you see the evil look, I gave them, they kept quiet. As soon as they danced in, rather than sit behind her, I went to sit down amongst the guests. This was 5pm, and I hadnt even eaten breakfast, cos I spent time getting her ready in the morning. Our friends were like, get up na, are you not the chief bridesmaid. I refused o, I sat down and said I was tired, I have tried. I have never been treated so horribly by someone I thought was my friend. I sat down with my boyfriend, who spent the whole time begging me, and getting me food, drinks, whatever to placate me, bless him. I ignored the bride o, she kept asking the other breidesmaids where I was, and I told them to tell her, I was not ready to do anything more. Her mum asked her elder sister, what hapened, cos she saw how I was the night before,, and in church. Her elder sister, told her what happened, and her mum came to apologise to me. She was the only one that made me get up, and help pack money. Mehn, after that, I told my boyfriend to take me home. I didnt even tell anyone I was leaving, and I left. I will NEVER be anyone’s bridesmaid again, not to mention maid of honour. Ko jor, not happening again.

    • Miss Mo November 5, 2012 at 11:35 am

      What the heck!!! You are a selfish, selfish, friend. The mistake she made was making you her chief bridesmaid. Normally, the chief bridesmaid does not hitch a ride with the couple to the reception. You should have put your feelings aside and been there for your friend and not try to ruin her day. If you were a true friend, you wouldn’t have minded jumping on a bus in order to get to the reception. You should be the one apologizing to her for acting the way you did. For her sake, I hope you are no longer friends!!!!

      • ij November 5, 2012 at 11:59 am

        and where did the poster imply that she was trying to ruin her friend’s day ? some people just believe that because they are getting married then they should forget how to behave and its a license to act silly.
        The poster had every right to be upset , she was exhausted and hungry(you know hunger has a way of exacerbating issues) . Jump bus ni enter okada ko

      • Molade November 5, 2012 at 12:06 pm

        Excuse me, where have you been attending weddings. The chief bridesmaid and her male counterpart drive to the reception together. So, please dont talk trash. If she intended to drive to the reception with just her husband, she should have made arrangements for how me and the other bridemsaids will get to the reception. Not just leave us there, and say find your way. She is the selfish one. These girls and I took the time and trouble to be your bridesmaids, and after church, you tell us to find the way to the recption. Did we drive there in our own cars? We all slept in your father’s hosue, the night before. A church we had never been to, and you were comfortable driving off. You must be one of those selfish brides too, who think people owe you, to be their bridemaids. I have been a maid of honour twice, her wedding was the second one. The first was such a lovely experience, and I wasnt even as close to the bride, as this second one, whom I took time off work, flew in thousands of miles away to attend. So, if that isnt being there for her, I dont know what is. I really really saw her for the way she was when I saw that the MAJORITY of her friends and friends we have in common, did NOT take the trouble to show up at church. They couldnt be bothered to go the extra mile, their excuse was, it was raining. It shows you, she too must have shown such behaviour to them too, and they didnt send. Yes, we are no longer close, because for someone to treat you with such lack of respect, isnt someone you should be close to. Jump on a bus to the reception, what a selfish, selfish, and uncaring person you are. I almost dread what your own bridesmaids must have gone through, or will go through on your wedding day.

      • Karonwi November 5, 2012 at 1:59 pm

        hitch ride with d couple? of cos not. She usually chills in the trunk of the car.mchewwwwww
        How insenstive can u be?

      • Toffee Temptress November 6, 2012 at 5:46 pm

        Wetin Miss mo dey talk,some people will beg you to be in their train and wont even give you breakfast before you attend service,they dont av any plans at all and you would still use ur hard earned money to buy their dress.
        She was not selfish oooooooooooooh.

      • Me andYou November 7, 2012 at 11:20 pm

        A bridesmaid is a human being as well and friendship is not an excuse for abuse or disrespect….You obviously don’t understand any of this

    • Nike O November 5, 2012 at 11:42 am

      na wa o. that was a real speech but I can understand your frustration. Some weddings are just so badly organised and its the bridal train who tend to bear the brunt of the wahala…..Dont worry , God will compensate you in your own time!

      I know how you feel though. Bridesmaid duties are stressful. But you just have to remember that you are there to support your friend/sister/cousin and that when it is your own turn, there will be people there to do the same for you.

      Re paying for the dresses etc. I really think brides should pay because jejely was I minding my own business when you called me to be on your train o. I know people make bridal trains pay for their outfits to cut costs but its not the done thing.

      When its my own turn, I will foot the bill (i only plan to have 5 bridesmaids anyway – thats another things why have such massive trains??) because I know how it feels to use your hard earned money to pay for a dress you do not like and feel uncomfortable in…..

      • Mz Socially Awkward... November 5, 2012 at 2:40 pm

        AS IN. I am constantly dumbfounded by Nigerian couples who tell bridesmaids to pay for their dresses. It’s completely selfish and for some reason, we didn’t get the memo in Nigeria that a bride only chooses the amount of bridesmaids she can afford to clothe.

      • Nutella November 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm

        That was how people told us we were “overdoing things” last year when we bought dresses, human hair (in place of thank-you gifts), jewellery, provided accommodation, airport pick up, and defrayed transportation costs for our bridal train. Like they are our friends making a huge sacrifice by attending our wedding, wasn’t that the least we could do to show them we appreciated the efforts? It was really annoying..but we were happy we did, after all, the pictures are ours to own for life and we will look at our albums and smile cos everyone looked good and happy. My friends did not mind having to pay for just their shoes and some of their transportation out of town to attend our wedding.
        People, please factor that in when you get married…don’t make your bridesmaids pay for everything. It’s unfair.

    • Purpleicious Babe November 5, 2012 at 11:44 am

      lool awwww…..pele

      you prolly change your mind… these things happen we get angry and after awhile the anger subsides and you will renew your mind (except for exception reasons)lol.

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • person pikin November 5, 2012 at 12:06 pm

      Na wa oh! I understand how you felt but still…….
      These brides go through a lot of pressure themselves. its not like she would have left you stranded on a normal day, would she?

      • Molade November 5, 2012 at 12:23 pm

        Yes there is pressure, but it has to amaze you that, in all her planning, not once did she consider how we will get to church and the reception. I didnt understand the gravity of her selfish error, because I drove with her to church. I later found out when I was stranded that she made no arrangements for the bridesmaids to get to church. They all hitched a ride with different people from her dad’s house. As soon as she got dressed, she entered the car and zoomed off. I didnt even ask how far with the bridesmaids, because I had assumed that the normal thing to do was to make arrangements. At least get the drivers of friends, your husband’s people, anything. The poor girls, hitched rides with different people, even neighbours to get to church. They were 8 of them. Just two cars, two cars arranged by her, and they would have been fine. So of course, after church, what did you expect, she told them to find their way. That was why I was shocked, and angry. I didn’t believe she could be that careless. To be bridesmaid no be by force na, was she paying us? After we paid for all our livery except mkaeup, simple organise car and driver, she couldnt be bothered. Abeg, abeg, this has nothing to do with pressure. It has to do with how you treat people, how appreciative you are of people, and the worth and value you place on friendship. Shikena

      • Idak November 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm

        What do they go through that was forced on them?
        They choose to go through it of their own accord. For that reason, they must not dehumanise friends for the sake of a wedding ceremony.

    • iya oloja November 5, 2012 at 5:02 pm

      @ Molade i’m sorry but you are rather selfish. Are you sure you guys were really friends? I have NEVER seen where the chief bridesmaid ‘perches’ in the same car with the couple AFTER THE SERVICE. You should have arranged for your own transportation.
      Even if you felt she “left” you at the church, couldn’t you have just let it go? Obviously you were thinking only about yourself and not the bride. Agreed, a lot of brides can be annoying, selfish, insensitive, etc… but you should have sacrificed on THAT ONE DAY!

      • Amazeballs! November 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

        arrange for my own transportation ke?????? i think not! it is part of the planning and budgeting of the wedding to arrange transportation for your train biko, she wont be the first or last to marry!!!

      • Me andYou November 7, 2012 at 11:28 pm

        actually Molade is right….transportation is meant to be organised for those on your bridal train…it’s called an UNSPOKEN RULE…..which means…the bride should use her common sense and think like a HUMAN BEING

      • fuoma April 2, 2013 at 1:56 pm

        that ONE DAY been? please call a spade a spade not a garden fork. its ok to act badly coz you are getting married? na wa for u o

    • Ore November 7, 2012 at 2:00 pm

      Miss Molade, I understand how angry you must have been after working so damn hard for her the day before, paying for everything only for her to leave you stranded. The lack of food is the worst part, pele. We know that hunger + anger is a recipe for disaster. However, it was slightly churlish and immature of you to simply sit down and decide to no longer be part of the reception. Perhaps you didn’t understand the strain of being on a bridal train prior to saying yes but you made your choice, you should have followed through. After the wedding, you could express yourself to her and choose to limit the scope of your friendship or even choose to no longer be friends with her but that was probably the most important day of her life. It would not have killed you to play along till the end. Approaching her about the situation afterwards allows her time to really think deeply about what she’s done and how she is going to make up for it(IF she can see what she’s done wrong). Did you expect her to get off the hightable to come and beg you? Perhaps she made a mistake and forgot to arrange transportation for the bridesmaids. If you made the same mistake, would you expect your maid of honour to behave as you did? Maybe you feel it was an incredibly ridiculous oversight on her part to forget something so trivial or perhaps you feel she didn’t care. Wouldn’t you expect her to give you the benefit of the doubt if the roles were reversed? And with the amount of people begging you, you still refused to be involved until the mother came to beg?Ah Ah! thats too much now. There’s a time and place for everything and the wedding was not the time and place for you to kick up a fuss. Yes it was a horrible feeling to be stranded in the church with no way of getting to the reception but I would expect my own bridesmaids to be mature about it if such a thing were to occur instead of acting out during the wedding reception.

      • fairweatherfriendnot November 8, 2012 at 1:19 pm

        Like!

      • Iretidayo April 9, 2013 at 1:37 pm

        Double like

    • Msheyo November 12, 2012 at 11:57 pm

      Only if you put yourself in her shoes. Will you wait for your chief bridesmaid, when you don’t even know when she’s going to turn up Hun? This is not just party, it is her wedding day come on girlfriend…….

  • Molade November 5, 2012 at 11:12 am

    and you know what the other girls were saying. Ehn, Lade, sorry na, these things happen. Suffice to say, it was the married ones that were talking. They were saying ehn, you know she cant intentionally treat you like that, your wedding day is always crazy. You should have seen them too at their wedding, there went on full on bridezilla, that the stress of the day, makes you act out of character. On your own day too, you too you will see how it is, she didnt mean it, please get up and help. Omo, I sat down o. You the so called friends, both married and single, did not sleep over in her house the night before, did not run all the errands you can imagine. These her friends too did NOT go to church o, they said because of the rain, they decided to go straight to the reception. So, they were relaxed, had eaten, were gisting, and they expected me that had been the bride slave to continue my workhouse job. Never again. I told them too, to get up na, and help with the co-ordination, and assit the bride. The married ones had the nerve to add, they were madams now, they have paid their dues at friend’s weddings, so they couldnt get up and be serving. They all laughed, and continued sitting. So of course, I didnt get up too. Suffice to say, I hardly hang out with those girls again. I will get married too, but I wil never maltreat anyone like that. Your wedding, should be shared with your friends too. They are your guests, who took time out to share in your joy. treat them right. May i add, that I travelled from Canada to attend this girl’s wedding. My boyfriend also timed his once a year 9ja trip to around her wedding. He came in from the US. I paid for my ticket, paid for my dress, my shoes, my jewellery, my hair. The only thing she paid for, was my makeup, and I was treated like trash. Lets just say we are no longer close anymore.

    • Gold digger November 5, 2012 at 12:19 pm

      Some scary shit… WOW you really tried#

    • Non professional opinion November 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

      You sound a little…. Narcissistic
      Are you sure there isn’t more to this story because you sound fairly bitter over something quite trivial. Or maybe you are just super sensitive,because if being forced to hitch a ride to a friends wedding (The Horror!!!!) has “scarred you for life” it’s going to be a looooooong life, littered with ex-friends.
      In a word- Relax!

      • Grace November 5, 2012 at 1:46 pm

        Thank goodness your name reads non professional opinion, because, what you just typed is BS. A bride that does not make arrangements for her bridesmaids to get to church and the reception is the definition of Narcissistic. It is beyond ridiculous, for anyone to not have consideration for another human being, not to mention her bridesmaids. It is your wedding, but it is not all about you. People are there to celebrate with you, people made the effort to be your bridesmaids. The least you can do, is ensure they are well taken care of. I cant even imagine how she would treat her in laws, to be honest. If your friends can be treated shabbily, your in-laws are in trouble. For her husband too, to be comfortable driving off, without asking, where is your chief bridesmaid, where are the bridesmaids, how are they getting to the reception. They really suit each other. Two selfish people. The world is going to have to suffer through the kind of children they will raise. We all go through pressure, it doesnt excuse that kind of behaviour. Sorry

      • Molade November 5, 2012 at 2:27 pm

        Grace, can I hug you? Please, someone needs to develop an e-hug app. Lol. Dont mind the person that wrote this. I am guessing she is a woman too, and a classic bridezilla. Madam, go examine the meaning of Narcissistic, cos you are so off the mark, you cant even see the mark again. If you think that kind of behaviour is acceptable, or I should have managed joor, and jumped on a bus to get to the reception like Miss Mo said. I rather have a long list of ex friends, and have a small number of true caring and genuine friends. Life is too short abeg.

    • ij November 5, 2012 at 1:13 pm

      ah! the way you are narrating this story , the thing really pained you , Oya pele pele, can’t say i blame you , I would have been very very upset myself.

    • madam November 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

      are you seriously going to reply every post that comments about you? Like seriously? smh! u r really defensive arent you? a sign of guilt! i know how stressful it is to be a bridesmaid but no matter how annoying the bride was, u should have just been dere for her, you were the freaking chief bridesmaid for heaven’s sake..how could u go and set wit guests and leave her alone… why dint u just take it all den tackle the issue after the wedding? u were really selfish, am sorry bt accept the fact!

  • pynk November 5, 2012 at 11:14 am

    DANG Horrid stories for days sha!

  • Idak November 5, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I feel you. I still remember the wedding a decade ago. The serving deputy governor was an uncle to the bride and the reception felt like we were in a govt function. The MC was licking ass like crazy and eulogizing the kleptomaniac gov of the state and just would not stop. In addition, we had to sing the national anthem. I felt like puking. Till this day, i dislike that couple for ruining 3 hrs of my life.

    • The special one November 6, 2012 at 12:07 am

      Singing national anthem at a wedding, bet why????

      • Idak November 6, 2012 at 10:11 am

        Don’t tempt me to disclose the couple in question. i felt sick at the whole thing.

    • Purpleicious Babe November 7, 2012 at 11:04 pm

      LOOOL@ ruining 3hrs ahahahhaha

    • fairweatherfriendnot November 8, 2012 at 1:28 pm

      Hahahah! gosh, i for just die, if na me dey dere.

      My wedding, i cut and removed all protocols, including that part where you call out the person who made the cake to come and yarn dust…. omo, just come and enjoy yourself, get jiggy and be fully part of the wedding celebration… my style.

    • yinka November 28, 2012 at 2:11 pm

      Sing the national anthem ke? youve gotta be kidding me. lmaoooooo

  • TINUFORBES November 5, 2012 at 11:25 am

    i have had to be the maid of honour for my friend few years ago i am not the kind of person that would put on high shoes for too long i almost cried that day because i had to stand behind her while they were taking their vows i couldnt remove the shoe because we were sitted in front i was so uncomfortable to make it worse the church was so hot and i had to use the handfan for the bride so her make up wont be ruined before she removes the veil and i was sweating while using the fan for her to crown it all i noticed the BRIDE was sleeping i had to poke her at intervals. the sermon was too long i dont blame her and she was also dragged to the bachelors eve the night before after the party she had to stay awake to make her hair. i had to also babysit the ring bearer in church so he wont misplace the ring and the boy was jumping un and down. when we got to the reception she noticed people had not started eating on time she almost cried and begged me to start giving people drinks it wasnt funny that day. it wasnt a good experience not that i am discouraging peeps not to be brides maid at the end of the day when you look at the happy couple you just forget about the stress and just say WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR if u cant go thru all these stress for them…..

    • Molade November 5, 2012 at 11:54 am

      Lol, for the shoes issue. I have been maid of honour twice. The 1st one was such a good expereince, silly me, I decided to do it for another friend, and I’m scarred for life. For the first wedding, my shoes were high too, cos my dress was very long, and I didnt want to trip. Girl, i took off my shoes in church. My dress was long, so no one noticed, that the entire time i was shoeless. I put them back on to go sign the marriage register and all, even while we stood up for the church proceedings, my shoes were off. I’m comfortable in heels, walking, but not standing on end. Note to future bridesmaids, take slippers or comfy sandals to church. For the reception, you can do yanga.

  • Blossom November 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Hahahahahahaaaa!!!!! Called them in to be prayed for!!! That is just TOO FUNNY!!!! Eiyaa. Poor bridesmaids sha.. *holds laugh*

  • Onyinye November 5, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    LOl…….Very funny bt at least i ve known wat to expect in the role of bridesmaid but i cant treat smbdy like dat….I value friendship and nothing can make me forget dat…for bringing out ur tym to come and celelbrate with me, oooo…I dnt joke with such people

  • Layo November 5, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    As in….see Bridemaid Anonymous group counselling session o! Molade, I feel your pain, Dear. God will compensate you so dont let bitterness affect you. That bride sounds completely selfish and clueless. The whole wedding set up sounds like a total shambles! terrible organisation. How can the bridal train be left with no mode of transport to the reception. Totally disgraceful.

    I’ve have a wonderful bridesmaid story to share – a few years back, one of my good friends asked me to do her the honour if being her bridesmaid. It was a glorious experience. She paid for all of the dresses, shoes and jewellery we used on the day (there were 5 of us bridesmaids) and before anyone starts talking , no she was not rich, her and her husband had been saving for the big day and they had included the cost of the bridal train in their budget.

    I had to fly out for the wedding and as it was not in my home country (i.e Nigeria), she made sure that the visiting bridesmaids had accomodation with her relatives.

    Even on the day, though she was a tad stressed out – she wasnt at all a bridezilla. And it was due to the fact that her wedding was well organised.

    It was a total pleasure and a joy to fulfill my bridesmaid duties because I know how much thought and effort my friend put into everything and how much she cared about the wellbeing of her bridesmaids.

    And to top it off, she gave us lovely gifts to thank us for helping her on her big day with thoughtful handwritten messages for each of us.

    I’m getting married next year and I have learnt so much from this experience.

    Glod bless you ladies x

    • Molade November 5, 2012 at 1:26 pm

      Now, that is a wonderful bride. Wow, I’m impressed. That is how it should be done. My first experience was lovely too. Not as good as your experience, but I left feeling happy and grateful about being a part of their day. I really was. We partyied, like there was no tomorrow, and everyone was well taken care of and co-ordinated. When they got back from their honeymoon, the couple called me to say thank you. What suprised me the most, was my friend’s parents called too. I didnt see that coming. This was shortly before I travelled, and her mum said, if I am getting married abroad, she sure will be there. So you can imagine coming from that experience, to the second experience. I guess organisation is really realy important, and caring about other people, and not just making it all about you, because you are getting married.

  • Audrey November 5, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    I’ve had worse! At rehearsal the day before,the catechist met with the team to talk about arrangements for the day.it was there he asked the bride if she had prayed about her team because there are stories of maids of honor wiping away the ‘glory’of brides with handkerchiefs on their wedding day.imagine how I felt as a maid of honor. Now during the ceremony, the bride says don’t hold my dress. I want it to flow,but family members scream every time we pass by ‘maid of honor do your job”

    • Layo November 5, 2012 at 2:52 pm

      wait, Audrey…help me to understand…the bride did not want you to hold her dress because of what the catechist said??

    • somebody November 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

      THIS!!! I was MOH once in Nig and my goodness, I was beyond irritated! Not with the bride or anything but with the amebos who kept saying “MOH, do your job!”, “hold her dress!!”, “don’t hold her dress”, “wipe the sweat off her face nowww!”, “hold her veil for her!”, “don’t hold her veil!”. *Sigh*. I like to think that they don’t know how irritating it is so I let it slide and had fun anyway :D.

  • Brendz November 5, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    i didn’t have bridesmaids…yaaaay!!!! ( though i had a MOH who disappeared on me and i had to get an “emergency” MOH but that’s gist for another day) i was a brides maid a couple of times and i never enjoyed it. I always got yelled at or made to feel like an idiot because i didn’t conform to the hair style.Those experiences made me realize i didn’t want bridesmaids, the expense and discomfort, suffice to say, my friends and i had a blast, after the reception and went dancing at some club( in my wedding dress) and just had a great day……i wont totally say i wasn’t a bridezilla, i prolly was days to the event, but on that day, i was happy calm ( my feet hurt too sha from all the standing) but it went well.

  • Nomy November 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    i can’t stop laughing at calling the bridesmaids in to pray for them, that was hilarious, i feel the bridesmaids pain though, i would not have come back in in their shoes o! Meanwhile Molade your friend no just try jo, in your shoes i would have gone home, my excuse? The rides i found where going towards my house not towards the reception venue and i figured you did not need me if you could leave me to my own devices! @ Audrey , na so 9ja pastors dey o, think nothing of it!

    • Iris November 6, 2012 at 10:39 pm

      ‘…the rides I found were going towards my house…’ I can’t stop laughing. As for all that about the Minister praying for bridesmaids, I would have been the devil-child he may have tried to slap (and damned if I wouldn’t have slapped him back) because I would NOT have walked into that church to be ‘prayed upon’ like I was possessed. What kind of rubbish is that? All in the name of bridesmaid duties. Even if you think the bridesmaids are inappropriately dressed that kind of humiliation is completely wrong. In my opinion that’s just plain wickedness masquerading as excessive ‘righteousness’ and let no one tell me anything about ‘touch not my anointed.’ The honest truth is not everyone is and we know it *hiss* He even ruined the entire ceremony by turning a sermon that should have been about a holy union of two people in love into a tirade. In fact I’m getting annoyed as if I was there.

  • oluchy November 5, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    l feel your pain girls, l have done the bridesmaid stuff thrice n is so done with it. Though some brides can really be annoying, just know that its nerves n u guys will still be friends after the marriage, well that is if she apologizes.

  • Tina November 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    My experience wasnt Molade’s own, but mine was baaaaad. As in, i came through it telling myself, that I know how a house help feels. Wow, her family, her husband’s family, were just screaming at me. Tina, do this, tina do that. Why are you sitting, down, dont you know your job. It is called Maid of Honour, it is a role of honour. Tina, this, Tina that. The worst part was, the bride didnt even tell me Tina sorry ehn, or even tried to make me feel better, about the whole thing. It was as if she had a secret perversion about me being treated like that. I have never seen her feel or act so superior over me. I left the wedding that day, and I was crying. Especially as I was single that time. I got home, and I went down on my knees and prayed. I had never prayed that hard before. Brides, really, your wedding is not an opportunity to treat your friends like garbage. That tradition of being a bridezilla, abandoning your bridesmaids at church, barking orders at your bridesmaids is so not cool. On an ordinary day, you will not speak to your bridesmaids like that, so why would wearing a white dress now make you go through a Dr Jekyll, Mrs Hyde transformation. A friend told me that a bride once tell her bridesmaids they should count themselves lucky, they being bridesmaids makes them more visible to the single guys attending her wedding. Can you imagine that. Like Molade, I have avoided that my friend now. She never called to say thank you, or even apologise for her behaviour, and for the behaviour of both families. Lets just say, I did it once, and I aint doing it again. I’m engaged now, and will be getting married soon. No one can ask me to be a bridesmaid.

    • Layo November 5, 2012 at 2:43 pm

      oh my goodness. That is a terrrible experience. Sorry.

  • Abana November 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    I have been a bridesmaid a lot of time and a maid of honour only once. What actually annoys me is the dresses brides choose. If your dress won’t be nice, am sorry I no do. I can’t look like a badly dressed round potato because I am honouring a friend. It won’t happen. I once had to wear a badly sown dress I cried the whole time. It felt like the bride had not put any thought into how her friends looked. To top it up, we got to the reception and there was no place to sit so we ended siting in the car. Through out! I only entered the reception around 6pm when all of the guests had gone home. Till date, I can’t even remember what the cake looked like or what the colours of the day were.

  • oyinda November 5, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    hmmmn na wa o but trust me i would never be a bridesmaid again o….did it once and it was the worst day of my life….after traveling down from Lagos to delta for the wedding and buying clothes,jewelries, shoes and so in an emergency mood because she told me late…although she provided accommodation though but trust me i felt really stupid…….the ordeal started when she decided to have a wedding planner who was making the plans from Lagos (imagine)…..church wedding started 10am but we got there 1pm so they started the wedding already without the bride because she developed cold feet that morning……the priest then decided not to let the bridesmaids in cos our dress was ‘indecent’ so i spent the remaining of the church service standing outside in my very high heels shoes since chairs were not provided for us…….after the program na bridesmaids were expected to find their way to the reception knowing fully well i was not familiar with the place as in that was my first time in Asaba okay no problem i found my way there but the reception was so unorganised….her suppose closed friends decided to go and take several seats o expecting me to assist her since i was the odd one in the group that did not attend same school with her funny enough we were not even close friends sef she just invited me to join her train and outta my niceness i accepted….no problem na i helped her pick the money…clean her face and so on while her true friends were munching, gisting, making jest of occasion and having the fun of their lives…..kk let me eat na the caterers decided there were no clean plates so guests had to wash plates by themselves then stay on a queue to get served as in seriously??? i just packed my bags went back to the hotel and slept for the remaining of the reception….the stupid girl did not bother calling me or check if i was still alive or dead because to her she was busy…..the girl never for once said thank you for coming o as if everyfin i did was her right even when i returned to lagos she never called to see if i got home safe or not……since she was family friends wif my neighbor na it was while she came to visit 1month later that she decided to ask why she did not see me again as in i just eased ehn and insulted her wella as its not her fault na na me wan do help a neighbour in need….some very selfish and silly brides

    • yinka November 28, 2012 at 2:28 pm

      Wait?? u washed ur plate at the wedding??? my dear ive laughed so hard i have tears in my eyes. i am so sorry, ur tale is by far the worst ive heard ever!

      • mimi January 28, 2013 at 2:29 pm

        Yinka, I’m with you here. I laughed so hard when I read that part. What a party! @oyinda, i’m so sorry you had to go through all that. Some people sha…smh

  • Mz Socially Awkward... November 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Wow. Going by some of the stories above (Molade, Tina & Abana, you all have my sympathy), a lot of brides sound like major arseholes. I’m not even being insulting, the blatant lack of consideration for their friends just looks like a recurring theme, especially when those bridesmaids and Maids-of-honor contribute time, money and effort to help the couple have their ideal wedding day.

    I’ve been a bridesmaid twice myself and both times I had to buy my dress which I’ve already expressed my feelings about in a comment I made above. There will not be a 3rd time.

    And I didn’t buy gifts for either of the couples who I played bridesmaid for because I decided that the purchase of my dress, etc was my contribution to their wedding. That way, it all balances out…

    I’ve

  • Joan November 5, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    I have only been a bridesmaid three times, and I don’t have any horrible stories…thankfully. The only thing I have vowed to do is make sure that I BUDGET TO PAY FOR MY BRIDESMAIDS’ OUTFITS. This new thing of making the bridesmaids pay for their own clothes (which they will most likely never wear again), shoes, accessories, makeup, etc; it just confuses me. The first time I was a bridesmaid (actually an MOH), the bride paid for everything, as in everything I wore that day. That was in Nigeria. Then I moved to the US and someone asked me to be a BM. Of course I said yes, until I realized I was footing the bill. I did o, and then I did it again for the third time. Now I hear it happens in Nigeria too. I just don’t feel it is fair to ask the BMs to pay for their own stuff. After all, they were jejely on their own when you asked.

    I think the key is to choose the number of BMs that you can comfortably afford to cater to. Also, make sure that what you are buying stuff that you can comfortably afford, it’s just one day. Unless you are unnecessarily worried about “what people will say if my train isn’t ‘on point’”, time will pass and people will only remember that you got married not necessarily what your BMs wore. As long as the BMs feel comfortable in what they are wearing and you are not breaking the bank for it, then be nice enough to pay for it.

    People say “well, you should foot your own BM bill so that someone else can foot theirs when it is your turn to marry”. Everyone has their own opinion. In mine, kindness is also in letting the BMs know that you feel honoured to have them as part of your day by taking the monetary burden off them. Trust me, they’ll appreciate it. That being stated, may God provide me with the resources to take care of my BMs, Amen! :)

    • Non professional opinion November 5, 2012 at 4:04 pm

      I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, shoes and jewelery but I was financially independent when I married so I could do that. I imagine it’s harder for couples who are more reliant on parents. I also think it depends on the dress it’s easier to fork out the cash when the dress is banging, while some dresses you’d pay anything not to wear.

      • Joan November 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

        Yeah, you make a valid point about the dresses being banging enough to fork out money for. Choosing the right dress is always a tricky issue lol. As for financing, I really do think that if paying for your BMs’ outfits will choke you financially, they should be made aware that you are asking them to pay as a favour to you. You’d be shocked at how many brides feel it is their God-given right for their BMs to pay lol. Plenty wahala smh. Oh for a day when we wouldn’t have to worry about all this. Maybe in another life…

  • Non professional opinion November 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    @Grace. And your name should be Molade because you sound equally high-strung. An error in planning on the brides part means she and her husband are horrible people who will produce insufferable children. Get a grip! My cousin forgot to buy shoes for her gown ,so shit happens.
    @ Molade. Withholding your “lovely smile”, staring daggers at guests, your boyfriend having to fetch, carry and beg to placate you. The brides mother being forced to beg you so that her daughters day would not be ruined by your sourpuss. All about you….. Narcissistic.
    You couldn’t let it go and tell her off the next day. Of course not, it was important that the whole world knows that she pissed you off and you wouldn’t be accepting apologies.
    You had every right to be upset but did you need to be a brat.
    E-hugz ko E-hiss ni.

    • Grace November 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

      Aaaaw, you are the bride that did this abi. Lol. Treating people shabbily and saying shit happens. Wow, that’s rich. Shit happens. I hope you dont get treated badly by anyone, because I really would like to hear you say, shit happens. Your cousin forgot to buy her own shoes, is totally different from telling bridesmaids to find their own way to the reception. If that is the comparison you can make, I am not suprised you typed shit happens. Cool down dear, you are the one that is taking it personal, I am beginning to wonder if you were the bride, or you have done something similar or even worse to bridesmaids, or people who offered their time and energy to be part of a special day. No one should be treated badly and say shit happens. I hope the bride at least had the decency to apologise to all the bridemaids. I dont know what I would have done in Molade’s shoes, but for anyone to expect me to keep up appearances, after being treated like that, may just be asking for too much. Afterall, its not a paid event. Like Nomy’s comment, I’ll just have gone home. Take a chill pill dear.

    • Pretty Eyes November 5, 2012 at 8:27 pm

      Non professional opinion chop kiss!!! ahn ahn, I read the comments above and I was like omg this molade babe needs to take a chill pill. Why ruin your “friends” pictures and let the whole world know you’re pissed. Be a bride first and know how stressful it is. mchewww…bad belle.

    • majo November 7, 2012 at 2:38 am

      exactly. that Molade chic sounds like a real arse. So what if she forgot you at the reception? Does that justify the bad behavior you showed to the bride. Yes its tough to be a bridesmaid, but some bridesmaids are real arses. My MOH hasn’t called me ONCE (and I don’t have any bmaids o. na only her) since the 6 months ago when I asked her to be my MOH. Not once. My so called close friends emailed me telling me to make arrangments for them to get from abuja airport and back (abi bride na taxi driver) because they live in lagos and think abuja is a backwater. I was so upset. I should send chauffeur to pick you up from airport when me myself i’m entering taxi?

  • Chichi. November 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Nawaoooo!! I’ve never been to a wedding before. These comments opened my eyes wella.

    • Purpleicious Babe November 7, 2012 at 11:20 pm

      really…..

  • Jay November 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    I’ve been on quite a few trains actually… The first was my sister’s …as much as we begged the dressmaker to make ‘fine’ dresses, she still went and made UGLY SATINY RUBBISH. I cringe when I look through that album. Lol. The most recent one I was on, I was a plan b bridesmaid….and you know what? I wasn’t even mad, coz. The fascinator and dress were gorgeous,and I got them for free :))). (Her friend couldn’t make it in, from the U.S) so she thought of me as a replacement, she was so apologetic that I seemed like an afterthought, but I sincerely didn’t mind ( esp.since I didn’t have to pay anyway)… The people I think are VERY funny are brides who need replacement bridesmaids, YET still want those ones to pay for their stuff… I’m like HAHA, all the best with your search

    • Joan November 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

      lol. I feel you on that replacement steez o. One bride recently tried to do that. Three weeks to the wedding, someone cancelled on her, and I became her plan B. She kuku expected me to pay half of the cost of the dress. Needless to say, I kindly excused myself :)

    • somebody November 5, 2012 at 4:39 pm

      Oh, I lost a “friend” cause of this replacement thing. Asked me last minute and I honestly made the effort to find a dress but I couldn’t and I told her. Besides, I was going through so much personally at the time but still went out to look for a dress. She became mad and hasn’t spoken to me since then (few years now). Brides need to cut their friends some slack, you won’t be the first or last to get married and most people really want to help. The fact that they’re unable to meet your expectations, doesn’t mean they don’t wish you well or are jealous. Nice post, Atoke.

  • Nomy November 5, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Like seriously you guys make me feel like a professional bridesmaid! I have been a bridesmaid 8 times, am about to be maid of honour soon to make it 9! And i agree with Joan, brides should foot the bridesmaids bills o! I so will when my time comes. @ Non professional opinion abeg take a chill pill and stop attacking Molade, she was pissed and rightly so, she owes you no apologies for the way she reacted in anger joo! Its really not all about the brides, its about the girls putting themselves on display for you too! Leave her alone!

  • Bukola November 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Wait, wait, people. Whats wrong in paying for your own dress? I’ve been a bridesmaid a few times, and chief bridesmaid once, and I paid for everything inlcuding makeup, and didnt think anythingw as wrong with it. Do you girls have an idea of what it costs to pay for a wedding? The little you can do to support the couple is at least pay for your dress. Really, I dont think there is anythign wrong with it. I actually prefer to pay my own way, so it is clear to the bride that, she is not paying for me to be there, and I want to be there of my own accord, and dipping my hand into my own pocket. If I paid my own way, and got treated like Molade, Abana, Tina and Oyinda, it wont be funny o, and I wont hide it. Think of it as Aso ebi, that you will buy for a wedding or a funeral. Simple. The only pet peeve I have is brides, that dont say thank you, even if it is with something small. The last two brides, didnt even bother to call to say thank you, not to talk of bridal favours. its not as if I did it for bridal favours, but cortesy demands abeg. This has made me a little jaded on the whole bridesmaid issue, especially as all the dresses, I have never worn beyond that day. At least with Aso ebi, you will sew what you like, and you may not buy the matrial or lace if you dont like it.

    • Bukola November 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm

      courtesy* pardon my french. Monday afternoon illiteracy. Lol

    • Iretidayo April 9, 2013 at 2:05 pm

      Thank you so much jare! What is the big deal about paying for your dress,it’s not like the bride is going to get it back after the wedding,it is your own “aso ebi”,if you cannot afford it,the talk to the bride or gently bow out,it is not your right! Do you have any idea how much wedding costs? All these bridemaids that want to be treated like the bride sef smh

  • Tolu November 5, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Serious na wah! Getting married soon n soooo did not want any train but as i am not marrying maself nau, one automatically appeared. So m wondering how, in the middle of all d bills, someone is suggesting I pay for bridesmaids dt pratically chose themselves…i hear u!
    @Molade, i guess the culture shock got to you, did ur friend have to be so selfish, NO but i think you could have had a lil more emotional intelligence. Lotsa peeps at d wedding wud remember u as dt brat from Canada…not a nice CV.

    I tink bridesmaids many times, force themselves on the train or willingly accept to be BMs(ma cousin dt i had no plan for, still called like a 2wks ago saying she had told her friends she wud be a BM almost crying…wot could i do?) so let’s give d brides a break, but i resent having to charge BMs millions so u can decorate ur house after.
    As per sitting arrangements at the reception, many halls are small n the couple cannot rilli control d crowd(if u live in Naija u wud get my drift).

    • Pretty Eyes November 5, 2012 at 8:31 pm

      LOL exactly o! i’m getting married soon too and I would rather the girls tell me they can’t pay themselves and I won’t have bridesmaids than add cost to my head. I jejely did not beg them to be bridesmaids in the first place.

  • Egusi November 5, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Wow these comments! Molade and co sorry my dears! With me my cousin decided to choose her newly acquired friend of about ten months who happened to be her bible study leader over her best friend of over 15 years as chief bridesmaid/MOH her bestie who had been there for her all through her ups and downs family/boyfriend/exes problems you name it this girl had supported her. She did not even include her in the train o she said she only wanted her sisters in the train and this girl to be honest even though she was not blood related was more of a sister to her than her own blood sisters…anyway the newly acquired friend went on to be MOH and was the MOH from hell ordering us around we all slept over at my uncle’s house the previous night to the point where one of my aunties had to call her out she wanted things done the way of their church (which cousin had reccently started attending) telling my cousin not to perform some harmless cultural traditions etc (the bride stays in her room till the grooms family comes to get her for church in my culture and the brides family hassles them a bit for some cash before releasing her it’s more fun than tradition to be honest) she kept telling us we are wasting time their pastor will not stand for this etc etc to cut a long story short this woman left my cousin halfway through her reception claimng she left her husband home alone with the kids and it was getting late she did not even wait to help her bride change for the evening party etc (normally with us the MOH is tasked with this duty i.e to help her change out of her gown into the second dress, fix her hair and makeup in readiness for the evening party) the woman scattered it was only when we were looking for her to do said duties that we realised she was gone and my cousin says its ok she had to go home to her husband! I just looked at her with pity thinking that your bestie from childhood would have bathed you if that was a requirement safe to say the two are not as close anymore the bestie never really said much she still supported with the wedding plans but you could see the dissapointment in her face.

  • Tolani November 5, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Where do i start from?

    Is it the dresses, the hair, the shoes, the make up, the transport fare, the obligatory bridal shower? Not forgetting buying fabric for at least one other event for the same wedding? Which you will still sew?

    Brides of nowadays choose ambitious colors for their wedding, colors you ordinarily don’t have in your wardrobe. You will buy amber shoes and aubergine purses which you will never wear again. How about the horribly sewn bespoke bridesmaid dresses? You can never wear them again!

    Im always chosen to be bridesmaid by cousins, family friends and acquaintances cos I’m small, cute, whatever. Always spending money on this or that wedding. A few years ago I recycled a bridesmaid dress for my role as MOH, I couldn’t afford to buy another especially as I flew down to Lagos from Abuja for the wedding.

    I will definitely not have a bridal train for my wedding.

  • truetalk November 5, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Molade, The bride made a number of mistakes in planning her wedding. One of which was choosing you as her maid of honor. The position entails much more than standing pretty for pics. There was ample time for you to show your disgust, doing all that on her day is a complete no no. You are not her friend. Both of you have something in common though, you are both selfish!

    • Meme November 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

      This comment is sooo on point. Please tell her

  • Tolani November 5, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    The last wedding I was MOH was in July last year. The weddin
    g planner asked me to carry my chair up the stage and get my food myself, simply because we went to school together. I went to get a drink for myself but the cocktail servers informed me that the wedding planner asked them not to give anyone even though I was clearly MOH. I didn’t eat a thing, I had a terrible headache. Needless to say I carried my bags when my other friends at the wedding were leaving.

  • Cynthia November 5, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    I agree with Bukola. Seriously girls, lets stop b**tching. Its not as if you are a bridesmaid every weekend. We all spend money on some frivoulous stuff, we later regret, so spending money for a bridesmaid’s dress shouldnt be no biggie, if it is for a friend. I only draw the line at two instances – 1. Unless it is something you cant afford to buy for yourself, then that’s okay. You shouldnt rob a bank to buy a dress. 2. If it is for one of those long distance cousins, or aunty’s niece. You know those brides, you dont really know personally, and you are obligated because they are related, or a family friend’s child etc. I wont pay myself too. i will gladly back out.
    Another thing is, brides, if we are paying for our dresses, please, please let us have an input. At least we are paying for it. If it is free, you can choose what you like. The last time I was a bridesmaid, the bride called a meeting via BBM, and said girls, you are paying if you dont mind. Lets discuss the dress. She chose her colour, and we brainstormed on the choice of dress, till we found something we all liked, could all afford, and most of all wearable again. We searched online sent pictures back and forth amongst each other. One of the bridesmaids was coming from the UK, so she brought the dresses with her, and they were beautiful, even the shoes and fascinator. It was something I would have bought for myself. When its my turn, i’m definitely doing the same thing too, and yes, my bridesmaids will pay for their own clothes and shoes. I even have the idea of the same colour but different designs, e.g, tube, halter, spaghetti, short, long, fitted, whatever to suit each girl. They dont have to look like clowns for me to look beautiful. Which is the strategy of some brides. Lol

  • onlooker November 5, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    lol@tolani! sorry o

  • No, thank you! November 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    I’m getting married next year, I only want a maid of honor and I will pay for her dress. A friend’s elder sister asked me to join her train and then gave me bill that was equal to my salary back then, I thought that was rather selfish and inconsiderate of her after all, I’m just the younger sister’s friend, where in God’s name was I supposed to get the money for the dress??? Just dress without shoes, jewelry, make up et al. I asked my friend why her sister didn’t ask her own friends to be on the train and the reply I got was ‘her friends are big girls’. Well, as I wasn’t big enough to afford the dress, I declined, the bride got very upset with me. I’m even surprised she didn’t ask me not to come to her wedding all together. And then my friend starts to say something about me having to pay because the tailor had already bought material, see me see wahala oh! Meanwhile, when I saw the bridesmaids dresses on the day of the wedding I had to say a prayer of thanksgiving because I guarantee you, I would’ve done worse than Molade on that day if I had eventually borrowed money to buy dress… thank God for wisdom. I didn’t even care that the bride stopped speaking to me and started forming senior. Same goes for aso ebi, I’m not going to impose anything on my friends, I just want them to come to my wedding, eat, dance and have a good time not be calculating how much they’ve spent on material and sewing and gift, haba!

  • Italian Princess November 5, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    The question is… What’s the purpose of bridesmaids gan gan? I know they add to the aesthetics of the pictures but if you really think about it.. do they really? Some people go further to add little children who can’t be controlled to their trains. I’ve heard some people say they’re married and so they can’t be bridesmaids… I’ve heard some people say “My friends can’t be bridesmaids… it’s my younger sister’s friends that will be bridesmaids” and I’m thinking… we’ve all just lost the plot. If it works for you and you know you wont be inconveniencing anybody with your desire to have bridesmaids… then you can do it but if you know your friends will be cussing you behind your back… isn’t it better that you just focus on basking on the joy of being joined with your beau? Hm? We sha like stress! if it’s not bridesmaids dresses, it’s bridal shower. If it’s not that one,it’s baby shower…. all these things to sha make people spend money! Kai I love you but just try and chill abeg! hian!

  • Doll November 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    I have been a bridesmaid once, when my friend asked me, i politely declined cuz i was having a rough patch financially and we worked together so she knew all the issues with salary delays, etc then. to my amazement she sent me the dress for free, so i travelled jejely to Ib for the wedding. she had rules like make your hair with this weave on, this style, color of shoes, rtc but i dint mind cuz she was my friend.

    Fastforward to my own time, feb this year, i had five bridesmaids, i bought the fabric and sent to them to make their own style, so they could make something they can wear again, besides, i dint have energy for dress whala, ordering my own dress was stress enough. one bridesmaid dropped out a day to (cant even remember why) but it floated pass me. i dint care. so my hubs had 6 grooms men and i had 4.

    But my bridesmaid especially my MOH tripped me so much that day, my dress had a long train and she was on point with arranging it, catering to my needs, picking money they were spraying me, listening t my whines. i was so tripped that apart from the general gifts i bought all of them, i bought her a special one and i kept sending her bb messages to thank her, cuz she also followed me to Delta state for the trad, infact she was almost raped on her way story for another day).

    When the videos for the trad and white came out, i called her again and another friend to thank them again cuz the video showed that they did even more than i can see. I felt so blessed for great friends and thank God May 18th this year was hers, even though i wasnt on the train, i reciprocated to the best of my ability.

    #thankfulforgoodfriends

  • Doll November 5, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    In addition, my bridesmaids had the car i came to church with to go to the reception as i went with my husband. I think its distasteful not to make arrangement for your bridesmaid to get to the reception and even worse is not sending sms or calling to say thank you and ensure they got to their destinations safely

  • Titi November 5, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Ok, about Cynthia and Bukola, talking about paying for your own dress. Let me tell you my story. I had told this my friend I couldn’t be a bridesmaid o, cos I could go to 9ja twice in one year. As luck will have it, the venue she wanted cancelled, and her wedding date was shifted to the weekend after my brother’s wedding, which I was planning to go to 9ja for. Oya, from please be my bridesmaid, it became you are MOH o. Shu, we are friends, but not close like that, like that. She sha whined and whined. Titi, you are going to be around na, kuku be my chief bridesmaid. I reluctantly agreed. This was a girl I hadn’t spoken to in over a year, and not even seen in years. Oh well, I agreed. She told me her colours were yellow and blue, and she wanted her bridesmaids to wear blue, and me the MOH to wear yellow. Imagine searching for a yellow dress, please people. YELLOW. I searched everywhere. I wanted something I could wear again, and most yellow bridesmaids dresses, just screamed bridesmaid. So, I finally found one, I didn’t really like it, but I could manage it. Guess what 6weeks later she calls me and says Titi, you see ehn, she found a lovely yellow dress for the bridesmaids, so I will have to wear blue. WHAT!!! It took me forever to find the yellow dress, I have paid for it. The store only has a 30day return policy, which has passed, so I am stuck with the dress. I asked her if we couldn’t all wear yellow, since I can’t return the dress. She said no o, the yellow won’t be the same. Shey I bought a dress I could wear again. WTH, dictating to me. Its not like you paid for it. So I searched again for another blue dress, and unfortunately didn’t have the time to search like the yellow one, so I just bought something I knew I won’t wear again. So, I ended up with 2 dresses, that I haven’t worn again. This was 2 years ago. I recently moved house, and I came across the dresses, and I was angry all over again. Lets just say, I aint being anyone’s bridesmaid again, if the dress isn’t paid for by the bride. Simple.

  • Debutante November 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    It was only once in my bridesmaiding history that the bride contributed half the money for the bridesmaid dresses and it was so refreshing for me. She also made adequate arrangements for us. Even during the reception, she was still communicating with us the bridesmaids to ensure we had been catered to. It was an absolute joy doing the bridesmaid job for her.
    But after my last bridesmaid experience in 2010, I decided I was retiring from the profession. I submitted 25k from my hard-earned corper allowee to my friend who claimed that she was going for high quality bridesmaid dresses and shoes from the US ( which i believed becos she is a “fashionista”). After a stressful journey, I arrived on the night before the wedding to be greeted by my dress and shoe. I wept. The shoes were fugly and in my mind i was like “why?! why?!! why?!!!”. And apparently the dresses had been hand-sewn, not bought and the sewing had not been completed. I had to take the dress to a nearby tailor for completion the next day, which was the morning of the wedding. See the bride and her sisters looking gorgeous with sweet shoes, see us bridesmaids looking like mgbekes in those shoes. Lmao…. Anyway I guess the wedding day is the day for the bride to shine and the rest of us to dull, abi? Now I can laugh about it but on that day I really felt let down and ripped off.
    After the ceremony I intentionally forgot the dress and shoes in her father’s house and I told myself I was through with being a bridesmaid forever and I don’t think I’ll be doing any bridesmaids thingy for my wedding.

  • Yeside November 5, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    That’s not correct. I’ve been a bridesmaid twice, and I have a married sister and brother. Thats 4 weddings, I’ve been a part of. The bride, the groom, the chief bridesmaid and the chief groomsman, go to the reception in the same car. If you don’t want that, and you want to go with just your husband, you make arrangements, for the rest of the bridesmaids, and not just tell them to find their own means of transportation to the reception. I would simply have gone home. Simple. If you show me that much disregard, and also to the rest of the bridesmaids, who came to support you on your wedding day, you don’t deserve to be treated any differently, because it is your day. This it is your day thing, is a very warped Nigerian idea. If it is your day, only get married with you and your husband in front of a priest and drive off into the sunset. Don’t invite people at all, because it is your day. Treat people anyhow because it is your day. Molade may have displayed o, truly, but until it happens to you, please don’t talk nonsense about taking the high road. We have no respect for each other in 9ja, we just expect people to understand na. Treat people carelessly, they should swallow it, and be looking at you. Nonsense. Someone called Abana wrote that she went to Asaba for a wedding. A town she had never been before, and she was told to find her way to the reception. How can a bride be so stupid. I was a bridesmaid twice and I said never again. Then I relocated and this oyinbo colleague that we became friends asked me to be her bridesmaid. I almost said no. If you see the way she asked, will you do me the honour of being my bridesmaid, bla bla bla. In an email. Then she later asked me in person. I was so moved. Mehn, oyinbo people are different. She treated us bridesmaids like queens. We travelled to Wales for the wedding, and she sorted everything out. Hotels, Train tickets, she had our arrival schedules and she EVEN arranged taxis to pick guests up from the station to the hotel. She arranged for our meals for those two days, transportation from hotel to church, church to reception. She even arranged our departure from the hotel back to the station for us to take the train to Manchester. and yes, we paid for everything. Except the dress. Mehn, that experience, made me realise we nigerians accept trash from our friends. During the whole wedding, not once did she scream, or was she rude, or were her family insulting. I was black, and I felt so welcomed and was taken care of. Abeg, Abeg. Bride insensitivity is like a rite of passage in 9ja, anyone that is a bridesmaid, should NOT be obliged to tolerate it. Simples
    When she got back from her honeymoon, Christine sent us all a handwritten thank you note, and it came with a box containing a very lovely bracelet. She also called to say thank you, and asked if our journey home was ok. Shame the devil, I even felt bad, for not getting her a more expensive wedding gift. There are brides, and there are brides.

    • Joan November 5, 2012 at 8:05 pm

      #nuffsaid. I’m not a fan of making BMs pay for stuff, but I too wouldn’t mind paying if I got that kind of good treatment as a BM!
      Plus gratitude ALWAYS goes a long way, people need to learn that. :)

    • Oyinade November 14, 2012 at 10:04 am

      Yes, you had a good experience with a white collegue, but it doesn’t mean that all Nigerian brides treat their bridemaids badly. It is more of a character issue. Have you watched the US show, ‘Brizillas’?

  • northernbelle November 5, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    MOHs still ride to the reception with the bride- you can do it otherwise if you wish but have the decency and respect to arrange for transportation for members of your bridal train. I have lots of friends but i am not going to have bridesmaids, those who are close to me already know that. even ring bearer and little bride and …whateverr the little ones are called,will not be there o, let them sit with their parents. honestly, we all can do with a little less stress when planning for our weddings.

  • Aisha November 5, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    I think it in bad taste to ask people to be a part of your train and then expect them to pay for their clothes, etc. I payed for all the dresses, shoes and provided the transport for all the girls on my train, and so did my husband…you should not inconvenience anyone simply because they decided to be a part of your train, unless they are very adamant about paying for it them selves, then it’s ok. Please be considerate of what other people maybe going through financially, even if it seems as if all is well with them; because you just never know…

  • Copied comments November 5, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Tina pele o. You were crying as you left the wedding. You tried. I’m sorry, I would have simply gone home. “That tradition of being a bridezilla, abandoning your bridesmaids at church, barking orders at your bridesmaids is so not cool. On an ordinary day, you will not speak to your bridesmaids like that, so why would wearing a white dress now make you go through a Dr Jekyll, Mrs Hyde transformation. THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE. WTH!!!!! A friend told me that a bride once told her bridesmaids they should count themselves lucky, they being bridesmaids makes them more visible to the single guys attending her wedding.”

    From Yeside, you just said it all – “You make arrangements, for the rest of the bridesmaids, and not just tell them to find their own means of transportation to the reception. I would simply have gone home. Simple. If you show me that much disregard, and also to the rest of the bridesmaids, who came to support you on your wedding day, you don’t deserve to be treated any differently, because it is your day. This it is your day thing, is a very warped Nigerian idea. If it is your day, only get married with you and your husband in front of a priest and drive off into the sunset. Don’t invite people at all, because it is your day. Treat people anyhow because it is your day.”
    “Molade may have displayed o, truly, but until it happens to you, please don’t talk nonsense about taking the high road. We have no respect for each other in 9ja, we just expect people to understand na. Treat people carelessly, they should swallow it, and be looking at you. Nonsense. Someone called Abana wrote that she went to Asaba for a wedding. A town she had never been before, and she was told to find her way to the reception. How can a bride be so stupid. “. I agree, STUPID, a town she has never been to before. Your friend Christine by the way is an angel. My oyinbo colleague just had an all expense paid trip to the bahamas, as a bridesmaid. Why don’t I have such friends ehn. The yeye local champions in 9ja, will insult you on top.

  • Aisha November 5, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    To all those who think Molade wasn’t sensitive to her friend, why don’t you try booking your own flight with your own money from the US, forgo the activities you had planned for your vacation days to instead be at this wedding, pay for your shoes, clothes and may be even the makeup, only to be treated like trash and not even a thank you from the person you went all out to do this for! This is happening on a daily basis and it did happen to my husband and I. Needless to say, we wont ever be compromising our vacation days for fun stuff together and with family. You have no idea how it feels until it happens to you.

    • Another pissed off bridesmaid November 5, 2012 at 9:20 pm

      Oma se jare o. I just opened this page, and it took me straight back to my own experience. Just recently in August. I also flew in from the US for a wedding. I saved for that plane ticket, I took vacation days. I even got stuck in Lagos because Delta had issues flying back to Houston, so of course I got to work 4 days later than was planned, and wasn’t paid for those days. If i share my experience as MOH at that wedding, Molade’s story no go long reach. If my parents were not at the wedding, I would have walked out. I honoured them and stayed, not the bride. Lets just say I’ve been taught a lesson. To those that said she ruined the day. Which ruined. So, the bride should be excused from what she did, because she is the bride. The bridesmaids, should have considered the bride na, when iyawo didn’t even show them an ounce of consideration and respect. it is okay, as she is the married one. They are single, so they should wait their turn. No wonder married women feel superior over single girls. If talk like this can still exist. I’ve read all the comments and there is a common thread. Only two or three comments out of almost 70 had a positive bridesmaids story. Nigerian brides misbehave terribly, and it is tolerated. What the hell? Why, why. If friends put a stop to it, and refuse to be disrespected, this habit will stop. Yes it will stop. Till tomorrow, the bride I went all the way from the US for, hasn’t apologised. She sent me a text, saying thank you for coming to my wedding.

  • Egusi November 5, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    I think BN should have a monthly column titled “Bridesmaid Horror Stories” or “Brides from Hell” or something like that coz these comments mehn…………anyhoo i will be paying for my bridesmaids outfits, jewellery, etc it doesn’t cost much if you add it to the wedding budget considering some of these girls are travelling out of town/country taking time out to support you it is the least a bride can do my best advice is if you are on a very strict budget then you can offer to pay half or pay for just the dresses then they can pay for the shoes and jewellery which they will most definitely wear again themselves. It just feels wrong making someone fork out anything from $75 and upwards for a dress they will never wear again and until you are in people like Molade’s shoes you will never know how it feels to be treated shabbily at a wedding you are part of.

  • isoken November 5, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    Lol! Good write up.

  • Miss jay November 5, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    The fact that you are a bride doesn’t give anyone the right to have bad behavior., that being said, I’m getting married in December and my BM’s are paying for their dresses,, can’t imagine footing that bill after all the expenses I have incurred already. One I selected on my own accord an the rest were farming vex because in my mind I was trying not to inconvenience anyone that couldn’t afford it, no to go for fitting and measurements is wahala, and you except me not to go crazy, c’mon, we are all human and would have different reactions. I guess my point is, if you agreed to be a BM or volunteered, the least you can do is be the best you can for that day, and express your grievances later, it’s not enough to break friendships.

  • Pd November 5, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    Me…a bridesmaid?……..NEVER! They look so miserable attimes! Too stressful……molade u try ooooo….if na me ………i go break bottle!….

  • lilly November 6, 2012 at 1:35 am

    All these experiences of MOH and BM wahala too much. I have been to weddings but i can count them with my fingers. Nigerians like too much wahala for them sef. I remember the last one i went for it was so disorganized that people where rushing the food and the line was nothing to write home about or was it the fact that there was noise outside on the hallways or the fact that there wasn’t enough space for people to sit inside which resulted to the noise. i have decided that during my wedding it will only be me, my hubby to be, my family (imitate family oh! not all these uncles and aunts that one don’t even know or barely know), very few guest and the priest shikena. In fact it will be a VERY private ceremony (you must have RSVP). No BM for me ONLY MOH and that will be my sister. After all it’s my marriage that matters.

  • omg!!!!!!!!!! November 6, 2012 at 3:00 am

    My friend and I are neither bridesmaids or brides (yet) but this was by far the funniest thing we have ever read. We promise to never put any bridesmaid through the these situations or worst. We may be Africans (Ghanaian/Nigerian) but we have common sense…JESUS I BEG…some of these stories brought real tears to our eyes because of the sheer stupidity….Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. Molade, Titi God bless you ohh that sounds too harsh for words. P.S. Molade we feel your pain, we’re from Canada too and we know its not cheap to fly so for those who don’t show you simple sympathy for that..they can eat dirty socks FOOLS!!

  • Chika November 6, 2012 at 3:57 am

    Menhhhhhh! I have several stories to tell but I am afraid all the brides come to BN…I don’t want WWII to start all over again. One thing I got from all of them is, most Nigerian brides are selfish. They don’t even know how to say thank you after the wedding. I don’t get it. I would rather come to the wedding than be part of the bridal party. Selfish people!!! One of them had a cookout after the wedding and invited some of the bridal train (mostly married ones) and those that are coupled up and didn’t invite me. Lol! It was later that the husband was telling me at work that they had cookouts…I was wow, I hope you guys had fun. He thought I was going to ask them why they didn’t invite me. I was like, honey, please!

  • Finemocha November 6, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Molade

    you have every reason to be upset. i think that regardless of how stressed she was, once she found out you were upset, she could have at least come to find you at the reception and ask why you were upset. anyway i hope this doesnt really deter you from playing the bridesmaid role in the future. Please dont let one episode ruin it for you

  • Amber November 6, 2012 at 5:21 am

    Never a bridesmaid or MOH for anyone and never will be cos of people’s experience.cos something is just bound to go wrong no matter how perfect the preparation might be,so the bride will obviously look for who to displace the anger.biko,I don’t mind being the guest.

  • Madam November 6, 2012 at 7:09 am

    lol very interesting comments, hmmm while we r on the subject BN , lets also have a topic on bridesmaids/ MOH from hell, in my time as a bridesmaid, (9 times and counting) I have seen crazy brides and even crazier evil bridesmaids, for example one of the bridesmaid at a wedding I was part of actually hid the brides dress on the morning of the wedding for hours!!! she said she thought it was funny!!! bride was in tears, almost going mad, and bridesmaid thought it was funny!!! I guess it is not only brides that act absolutely crazy

  • nameless November 6, 2012 at 9:54 am

    There’s two sides to every story, I think the bottom line is that people should be considerate and be mindful of the way you treat others..Also one should know their threshold to tolerance. And most importantly, I think we abuse the word friendship, hence the reason why we have fake and unfriendly friends. People are just gullible.
    I have never been a BM most especially due to the fact that I don’t jump on that bandwagon of “friends”. Most of the true friends I have didn’t even require a bridal train, they are ok with MOH which in most cases is their siblings. I recently got married and I wanted a bridal train and most of all my true friends are all far away, they couldn’t make it and I didn’t give them room to feel guilty that they didn’t cos I quite understand.
    So I used part of my colleagues and my sister’s friends which are by proxy my friends. I had contacted them 3months before my wedding and told them that they should please chip in some money for their dress and shoe(I still made up for the dress cos their money wasn’t sufficient, but I never let them know), cos I felt they were already making enough sacrifice coming into town for my wedding. I made arrangements for their everything; I substituted tfare for the ones that complained of means of getting into Lag, some of my asoebi colleagues even help finance the tfare of my bridal train junior colleagues, just to support me. I paid for their incity transport. I paid for all the bridal train hotel accommodation, I fed them for the two nights, I paid for their jewelry, fascinators,makeup, hair styling,my wedding party gift was on point.
    But here is the story, upon all I did ,one of the person I considered as a better friend among my colleagues dealt me a blow. She was insisting I pay all her transport fare to and fro Lag from Benin. I told her to please not be like that and consider that am spending too much and cant afford to pay all her expenses, since I already agreed to substitute her tfare..NB:she was with me all through the arrangements and knew all I was doing for the BM which she was part of. She started dissing me and acting out, I was so heartbroken. She was just passive in the occasion that my sisters were bothered and asked what kind of colleague I had. It happened that she influenced other of my colleagues in the bridal train that they didn’t lift a finger during the ceremony and in the reception, after all the dancing and ‘spray me the money”..my sisters were struggling with sharing gifts and coordinating the sprayed money that they lost track of guarding my sprayed money- and then, some hoodlum just stole the whole bag of money, everything..
    I specifically told my colleague as we came to the hotel that night that this is what she caused becos even before the ceremony was over, she has bailed out on me and didn’t help to coordinate nothing. NB: she still slept in the hotel I paid for after the wedding she didn’t participate fully. I still gave her part tfare for going back to Benin that night..But I told her, she should note that am not gonna keep malice her but to me she remains someone that I have never met before and just an ordinary colleague that I can work with..thaz all.
    All the other BMs were so into the wedding and grateful that I pampered them. They all called to tell me thank you and express shock on their gifts..they were actually calling to ask if I forgot it there or if its for them…lol
    Its alot to read, but i guess that is my story. There is two sides to every story.

    • Purpleicious Babe November 7, 2012 at 11:28 pm

      *BLANKS FACE*… WOW.

      Ok, so the money was stolen because of her??? am lost for words.

      I would have thought aunties, cousins, grooms men etc could help…

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

      • nameless November 12, 2012 at 11:29 am

        Please do not get me wrong, aunties, cousines all had their duties, and my bridesmaids and friends also had their duties assigned before the wedding, when one person dont hold their grounds alot could go wrong..In this case not just one persom, but some persons didnt pull their weight as a result of one persons attitude.

  • ij November 6, 2012 at 10:00 am

    na wa oh what of grooms men do they have this much drama? what goes on at their end i wonder , i just wonder

  • Shy diva November 6, 2012 at 10:47 am

    I was once a bridesmaid & on the morning of the wedding., lo n behold, it started raining!!! I was terribly pissed. We were all soaked!! All I had in my head was ‘why would someone plan for a wedding during the raining season’. At the end of the day sha sha, we had fun

  • adenike November 6, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Pretty funny comments but God knows I’ve learned a thing or two. To start with, I ain’t having a bridal train. Le Boo can have his train but me? Heck no! I honestly pray God favors my substitute for the train (just a very nice/colorful aso ebi for my friends) – make trendy/beautiful styles with it and grace the occasion! If you can’t afford the aso ebi sef, I’ll understand. Just come and spend the day with me.

    I was once on someone’s train and i cried really hard at the end of the church service. The dress was more than ugly (a shocking green dress), with some silly looking thing placed on our heads that made us look like scarecrows. I’m a pretty small person and didn’t realize on time that the other girls on the train were ‘juves’, i was 25 then and the girls were 18/19. Groom’s sister was just shouting “don’t sit down yet, what’s wrong with these girls” etc at us. Reception was another disaster – there were no seats, i sat on the stairs and kept on asking myself WHY i was there. Let me just stop here.

  • adenike November 6, 2012 at 11:01 am

    PS: @Atoke, how do i send an article across to you? Thanks.

  • TEE..... November 6, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Please Molade you have every reason to be upset my dear, I won’t be a bride’s maid again if I was treated that way as well. Most of your critics are probably married and they feel single ladies have issues.

    I was a bride’s maid for a friend’s (Groom) wife all her friends turned her down, so I did it cos of her husband. Can u imagine she never called to say thank you. I didn’t even hear from her until like a month afterwards and she only called to ask for my sister’s number. And she still never said thanks :o

    Before you say they were on honeymoon, we were just 2 bride’s maid, so I’m sure that would have taken just 2 minutes of her busy schedule.

    Brides need to show appreciation when people help, there’s no excuse for not doing so ABEG

  • sweery November 6, 2012 at 11:48 am

    This is really an eye opener, iv been a bride’s maid at two weddings but they were not bad at all, thou nothing compared to the oyinbo (christine) story but at least no grudges at all plus yes i paid for everytn including the make up it was no biggie, if i dnt av the money i would have declined the offer its not a do or die affair. People sud not kill their bank account all in the name of being a bridesmaid or maid of honor.

    Back to my point, its an eye opener cz i have really learnt from some of these horror stories and will never put anyone through that, would not want my friends to start avoiding me after my wedding o, life does not end at wedding biko. My wedding is in a few month and i have told my friends that whoever can afford should buy the material, others can buy the aso ebi and sew into whatever they want.My wedding is not suppose to turn someone else’s life upside down abeg, i want just 5 bridesmaids and have three sisters so i should be able to get 2 friends who will conveniently pay wihtout hitch. I guess am lucky then…*smiles* I want to record no horror story after my wedding o LOL.

  • v November 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    @ molade … Rili dats wats happened to you??? I wld gladly exchange stories wiv u… U clda done a much better job at sucking it in and just letting it go. My story is so peculiar dat if I type it here I’m afraid my friend wl read it and know it is me. Lemme give u sm highlights tho – I hated my dress, I’m busty dnt kno wat the tailor dd after warning her, half my breasts my showing wedding was in a redeemed church all the ushers were staring @ me like I was sent specially by the devil to their church, I was so uncomfy,my bag got stolen @ d reception – wallet, fone etc gone der was meant to be an after party @groom’s house – food was horrible, no were to sleep we ending up leaving the so called after party to a near by hangoutclub, it was too late to go home crashed in my friend’s car till like 5am wen I cld go home and guess wat it wasn’t even my friend’s wedding, it was her sister’s wedding. After a horrible weekend I had to go thru the nitemare of buying a new fone, replacing my sim card and applying for new atm cards n all dat rubbish. Thw weddin was in dec so I was super broke somolade u clda done a better job @ sucking it all in. You had a boyfy to even pet you. I had no one and u dnt wanna know ow much I had alredi spent for the bridal train n all. And last thing she made us do a particlar hair style paid almost 10k for it @ make me . It ddnt suit me, I took it off a week after endurin office jokes @ how d hair wasn’t for me at all. Pls kiss my mistakes

  • DeeDee November 6, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Hmm, don’t think grooms men have this much drama(women and their wahala). @Molade I understand how you feel but you sounded like there was more to it.if the bride can afford to pay for the bridesmaids dresses or the asoebi fine.if she can’t I don’t see why her friends can’t pay if they are her true friends especially if the prze isn’t outrageous.There seems to be more articles than comments lol.

  • Issyoma November 6, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Waoooo…..serious matter.
    Well my last BT experience was very interesting even though we paid for the dress.
    The bride picked her colour and fabric then handed us over to the designer. we had similar but differentiated stlyes (monstrap, tube, double strap)as situable.
    At the reception, we were all treated like queens and kings (grooms men) by the bride’s family. They ensured we had enough to eat and drink, we spent most time chatings and dancing.
    The first ping i got the next day was from her at the airport, on her way to honeymoon,,,saying a big thank you for making her day.
    Cmon gals…..life is really too short……whatever the situation, try be nice.

  • Priscy November 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I have been bridesmaid for like 4 weddings and i hv been treated with respect even though I paid for all my dresses and shoes etc…In my own opinion bride’s should be extremely grateful if any of ur friends decide to be ur BM or MOH and should show much appreciation for that. It is not easy, coz as a BM or MOH, u will not even really enjoy the wedding as u will be busy making sure everything goes as planned.

  • winnie November 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    ok am not doing bridesmaid thinz on my wedding! period!

  • nkky November 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    mmmmm………..I ve read everybody’s comment and all I want to say is that brides should not spoil friendship of many years because of just one day occassion,I ve being a bridemaids for many weddings I cannot count and believe me its not a pleasant experience,the last one I did was more like an insult to my personality because I think the bride did it on purpose to punish me,I came back home very bitter and its a story another day sha but Brides should know that the wedding day itself its a a day occassion and not an eternal ceremony.

  • Lamide November 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    You girls know that the superiority your married friend feels she has over you and other single girls starts on her wedding day. You know that. Why we the friends that are their brideesmaids and other single friends tolerate it, I dont know o. Whether it is a fear that, you dont want to talk back to a married woman, because you are still waiting on the Lord for yours, or whether it is fear that you dont want to be seen as the bitter singleton. Why people think your friends are bitte,r I dont know o. Single is now = bitter. SMH. Whatever it is, please, please dont let anyone make you feel less than yourself because they have achieved a stage in life you havent. There are lots of friendships that have been broken because of this bridesmaids thing. On a regular day, she wont talk to you or treat you like that, so because she is in the spotlight for one day, you then become what, her slave, while the queen shines. No o. I have been a bridesmaid a few times, and when that bridezilla behaviour started, I nipped it in the bud SHARPLY before it escalated. I put madam in her place simple, and I was glad I stood up for myself. I went dress shopping with a friend, and as I was giving my opinion (which is why she invited me along in the first place, cos I had other things to do), she had the mind to tell me, Lamide I am the one getting married and not you. Lets just say, I gave her a piece of my mind, and left the store. She later apologised, but I felt, she was just waiting for her moment to feel superior, cos she has always been the jealous type (not tooting my own horn, but career, finances and lifestyle, I have an edge over her) but had never had the mind to talk, so she saw her chance and jumped at it. So, please lets stop that cultural BS of stomaching rubbish, so you dont upset the bride. If your friend has the mind to insult, disrespect, be insensitve and upset you, please tell me why such behaviour should be excused because of one cremony. Critics will say, be a friend, and just stomach it, by rebuttal is, is the bride being a friend too, abi why is her behaviour okay, and if you spark, yours isnt.

  • Dee November 6, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    I have had a few horrid experience but i must say some of the above tops it. i think some unknown forces of whatever totally possesses brides to be cause the way they change to meanies i cant explain it looool. For the yet to be married ladies who have (have not) been bridesmaid hopefully you would have enough experience to threat your own train better, same goes to the bridesmaids if the bride has done it all show some appreciation also.

  • impervious November 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    There have been so many informative posts on the perils of marriages and inlaws in the past week. BN you are clearly trying to prepare us single gals for the future eh… I am not complaining. The one things about weddings I have realised is that they either bring out the best in people or the worst in people. My absolute best friend got married two years ago… you would think I would be in her bridal train (as in people kept asking me about the colour of the outfits about the hall bla bla) you would have thought I was the one organising it. Just to find out that I was not even in the train. To be honest I was not upset cos the girl had a lot of drama she had to deal with organising and paying for the wedding herself with her oyinbo groom (she is a hero!). You know what she did… she walked down the aisle to MY FAVORITE SONG.

    I took it as a thanks and love her for it! xxx

    • kai November 6, 2012 at 5:45 pm

      now u sound jealous!

      • Amazeballs! November 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

        pls how does she sound jealous now??

      • Noni January 29, 2013 at 8:51 am

        Honestly, how does she sound jealous???? Do you understand English?

  • buchi November 6, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Wow these are horrible tales, that means i had it really good when i was a BM. one thing i took note of (and must certainly emulate)was this: BMs were conveyed frm church to reception n stayed in the ac chilling car till we were needed AND we were brought small chops (my weakness) n drinks! Imagine the way we danced in with all joy. LOL AND there was an aunt assigned to take special care of us, so we ate, drank n had sooo much fun. hearing all these stories makes me appreciate all this more. God bless the bride!

  • Sue me November 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    I’ve been BM thrice and I’ve decided never to be one for any reason even if my sisters are getting married .I paid for my dress and accessories the three times. The last one I did was for my friend’s elder sis, I hadn’t gotten a job then so my boo had to foot the bill, when I told him the cost he warned him never to try that with him again, its either I politely decline or I deal with it . My friend whose sis was getting married called me a day before to say plans our accommodation had being canceled so myself n oda BMs had to come from our various houses d next morning . I live far away from the venue so I just jejely headed to my boo’s place n hooked up with them @ the venue the next morning looking all fresh .The bride called 3 days later to say thank you even though her hubby ignored each and everyone of us all through . In all, no more BM shit

  • atinkue November 6, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    how about this? The bride decided to “honour” her hubby with a surprise rendition of “you make me feel brand new”? Guess who were the backup singers? and there was choreography as well.. yes u guess right.. the BMs…

    note:
    The bride sounds like a frog with a sore throat…

    • nk November 13, 2012 at 7:06 pm

      lmao no way

    • Amazeballs! November 15, 2012 at 1:26 pm

      ROTFLMAOOOO! pls dont kill me abeg!

  • CHI November 6, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    My last experience was horrible i was supposed to be part of my colleagues bridal train she came to me and said I would be one of her brides maids and I said ok she asked me to give her my measurement which I did she didn’t tell me I was going to pay for the dress o. A week to the wedding she came to me requesting for money to give to the dressmaker so she could bring my dress I asked how much she told me and I gave her the money.My dear people a day to the wedding she gave the dress to another colleague of mine who brought the dress to me and the dress was like BUBA on me as in oversizeeeeeeee. And the jacket was too small. I guess it’s a size zero and I wear 8. I called the chic to tell her that the dress was oversize and that the jacket was undersize and she just said OK and ended the call I was shocked I called her over 10 times again and she didn’t answer. So the next day I wore something else to the wedding and in the presence of everybody this chic gave me the insult of my life. That I should have told her I wasn’t interested in being part of her bridesmaid blah blah blah as in I was dumbfounded. I opened my mouth and I couldn’t close it. To think that I had to take one day leave to attend that wedding. May God help us. Now I have another friend that wants me to be her chief bridesmaid as in I dey fear

    • Evilicious November 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

      What?? Omg!! I would have given her the insult of her life, then walked away! Such rubbish

    • Pd November 8, 2012 at 2:02 am

      Decline Now!

  • Bossy November 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    i can totally relate to molade, i jst had a horrible experience of been a MOH, i flew in for the wedding, from london paid for everything, thought i was getting a custom dress from dubai considering the price she charged me for the dress, only to get aba made dress, that the trimmings of the dress coming off @ the wedding, den paid anotha 15k for the aso ebi, her so called designer tailor sewed a fugly outfit even thou i gave her the style i wanted. long story short the whole affair cost me ova 70k naira and i only got a text and she still had nerve to say she is expecting present, present ko present ni, she should be giving me presents

  • Miss Tee November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    Oh my! i love the way pple air out dre opinions…it’s hilarious men! ve jst bin laffn since.@Molade,i totally fill ur pain jor and the pple dat r saying otherwise,if dey were in ur shoes,dey ll prolly b saying sumfin different.I have done close to 20 weddings o…loll and i cant remember being treated badly in any.The only common factor is that you cant wear the dresses again after that day,but i fink dre wre a few that wre wearable sha.Honestly mehn,i fink what kips me goin @ dse weddings is the dancing in which i luk 4wrd 2.Dt aside,i was the chiefbridesmaid(the only one ve bin,all the odas were bridesmaids) of a close friend and it was the best ever and yeah,myslf and the best man rode with dem to the reception.The groom first of all gave me a big hug and den delivered a sermon…loll of how appreciative he and my frnd were and den then both hugged me again and i was so overwhelmed,i had to cry o.Then my frndz mum jst went on and on.Laer in the evening the groomz cousin called to say she saw me running arnd dat welldone and that she had also enjoyed herself immensely @ d surprise bridal shower i planned.Wow,my frnd and her husband didnt stop calling me,evn wen they got back from their honeymoon.i actually had to tell dem to stop it,i had never seen a set of pple so appreciative.I was so so overwhelmed.And did i mention that my cheeks hurt so bad from smiling and laughing and saying ‘you guys haba nao,u r welcome,u ve thank me enuf o”.I cant forget the whole experience in a hurry.And yes,i learnt a lot from this wedding and ve taken down notes..loll! And then adding to the few comments about the bridesmaids not paying,i would rily love to do that,God willing and m planning towards it.

  • Bambino November 7, 2012 at 1:19 am

    @Molade…u would have just managed to endure till the end of the wedding so as not to spoil your friend’s day after which u will now give her ur piece of ur mind,and if ur friendship ends,so be it,at least u would have left her with her feeling guilty.now people will still blame you.After doing MOH or bridesmaid twice,e don do nah…go retire and marry

  • chinny November 7, 2012 at 1:29 am

    @molade,i sincerely feel ur pain,but let it go.Av bin a BM n d bride still adores us cos we were just 2 BM’s,even as old as d wedding,she calls to say we made her day. Now a friend is telling me dat i dnt av a right to say no,dat if i dnt turn up as a BM on her day,she will never forgive me. she even gave us date to pay d tailor n i asked her y d urgency in payment she became mute………..only for her to call 2 days later,dat her friends re supposed to make her happy not sad. am just confused.

  • Sade November 7, 2012 at 2:03 am

    Hostess are the new housemaids at weedings now… The MOH and other bridemaids sit pretty and take pictures while the hostess are made to do all the work…

    • Pd November 8, 2012 at 2:08 am

      Ha! A frd just told me that am 1 of her 15 hostesses! She go shock oooo….oyin if u reading this abeg i no go dey ard for december……..i being wan travel!

      • oyinda November 9, 2012 at 12:40 am

        hahahahah please go o your experience might be better but meeehn some brides and wedding just suck abeeeg….if you cannot afford the wedding expenses cut your coat according to your size do not over paparaz d fin then – up on the day jor and start giving the ”bride excuse”….Pd darling make out time for your friend jare it might just be fun

  • majo November 7, 2012 at 2:43 am

    here’s the other thing you guys should realize. BRIDES DONT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THEIR WEDDING DAY. so all of you expecting the bride to come and apologize to you on their wedding day are just dreamers. she probably doesnt even know you’re in a mess because she just had to hug over 400 people who all want to ‘wish her well’ and her mother in law and mother are on her case. and her dad is busy shouting over the bill. so get over your expectations of the bride coming to beg you on her wedding day. it won’t happen cuz she doesn’t even know what’s going on most of the time. . that Molade chic sounds like a real arse. So what if she forgot you at the reception? Does that justify the bad behavior you showed to the bride. Yes its tough to be a bridesmaid, but some bridesmaids are real arses. My MOH hasn’t called me ONCE (and I don’t have any bmaids o. na only her) since the 6 months ago when I asked her to be my MOH. Not once. My so called close friends emailed me telling me to make arrangments for them to get from abuja airport and back (abi bride na taxi driver) because they live in lagos and think abuja is a backwater. I was so upset. I should send chauffeur to pick you up from airport when me myself i’m entering taxi?

  • B November 7, 2012 at 3:47 am

    LOLLLLLLLLLL WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! too much drama/evil/complications mehn kai! No matter how bad guys can NEVER be like us except they are petty lots! Entertaining &interesting, comments got me really shocked I must say and laughing hard most times at least to ease the election hypertension:)

  • Triangle November 7, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    @Majo i get your point from your writeup, i know brides don’t know half of what’s going on that day but please it would be easier if she just makes arrangements ahead of the D-day or delegate a trusted friend to be in charge of the BM’s.
    A close friend treated me horribly at a wedding recently and i didnt like it one bit, i wasn’t a MOH or BM, but i attended due to the level of friendship between us. I travelled by road from Abuja to Lagos for this wedding. She kept pinging me weeks to the wedding to confirm my attendance cos apparently it was to be a private ceremony, and she wanted to be sure of the exact number of guests to be catered to. She insisted i come along with my Bf that infact it was a must. Seeing that he was in Lagos and I in Abuja it took me weeks of cajoling to convince him to attend with me. He never attends weddings and has only been to his elder bro’s wedding. I arrived Lagos on the eve of the wedding so i couldn’t get my IV which apparently was the pass into the reception venue. I pinged her and she said she’ll give it to me before the reception.
    Wedding morning saw me and BF set off for the wedding. He doesnt know Lagos well and restricts his driving mostly to Island but i convinced him to drive us there. We got lost along the way and found ourselves heading to Ikorodu. By the time we retraced after calling and asking strangers for address etc, the Church service was over, so we headed for the reception.
    We met the couple taking photographs outside the venue, the bride was ecstatic to see me, i quickly whispered into her ear for our IV (gatepass) at least so BF could go in and sit down while we jeered and caught up on old times, she told me that she’ll have to ask her husband first. She did ask him and he said the cards were in the car somewhere and that we would have to wait till the photographs were over. I had already sighted another friend of ours who also came in from Abuja and had come with her date too. This couple kept us standing outside the hall for hours (and i’m not exaggerating) while they smiled at the Cameras. It wasnt even for me that i was angry, we had come with guests, you needed to have seen the looks from people entering the hall, as if we were gatecrashers or something. I kept wondering why she didnt just call one of the people at the hall entrance to allow us enter. We waited and waited till finally her Husband had taken photographs to his hearts content, and now got cards from God knows where, scibbled our names on it and handed over to us to enter.
    Surprise, there were no seats left as more than the number of people sitting were standing. God it was embarassing. Even after the planning and stuff, My BF and my friend’s date had to stand and i was running about looking for chairs, only for the hotel staff to tell us that they were under strict instructions not to give out chairs as the number of chairs had been paid for. Hian, we had to stand all through the reception, and when it came the time for food, we queued up, collected food and ate it on our laps having squeezed in somewhere.
    After eating, we decided to leave early as BF was driving back and getting lost at night wouldnt have been funny, my friend sidled up to the bride and whispered to her that i was leaving that she should tell one of the BM to give me a souvenir bag (i was travelling back the following day). Shocker, the bride said she has to ask her husband first. For Souvenir again? at that point i had taken enough, i angrily told bf for us to go. If my having come from Abuja didnt deserve any souvenir then so be it. Ask husband about everything, left me speechless. I didnt rant or rave but i didnt like the treatment, so we left. She didnt apologise afterwards and i didnt bring it up. But my BF didnt find it funny sha as i had to be begging and placating all the way to his house. She eventually sent a souvenir to me thru someone coming to Abuja. It wouldnt cost you anything to treat people right especially those that sacrificed time and effort to grace your day!

  • Amber November 7, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Weddings are supposed to be an intimate thing and kept simple so u know everyone is treated well but unfortunately our culture and our society have turn it into something else

  • Purpleicious Babe November 7, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    BN comments made my evening..

    This is my solution for a stress free life, either you deal with there and then by sucking it all up or you do what I love doing best, jamming @ home watching cartoons…. lol.

    It is not by force…. as in..

    But great experiences.. it is nice when people show appreciation and gratitude..
    http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Dee Pee November 8, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    OMG!!! these comments made my day..have been laffing on my desk and evrybody is looking at me.lol… I share all of una pain o! its like deres dis superiority spirit dat comes upon brides. let me share my story: i was a MOH for my cousin. was so happy when she asked me to be.. afta sending money for my dress, my sista also wanted to be on the train and she beggd me to pay for her , so i paid for 2 dresses. then i strted shopping for shoes and accesories. lo and behold, wedding day came. i got to the brides house friday evening. went tru a lot b4 i cud get that day off. cos it was not in lag(which is my own base). on getting dere, she was alredi sooooo angry, i greeted her and she didnt even answer me. twas her friends dat were like ‘ Dolapo its not fair now, see the time ure just reaching here? dont u know ure the MOH?” i was shocked! dat one sha pass, i apologised. then on seeing my dress, i was so angry. it didnt fit and it was so dull!!! not up to the money i paid. the bridemaids dresses too were so horrible. my sista practically disagreed to join. the worst of it was that i fell down in the church, my heels were so high and uncomfy!!! na God help me sey i no break my leg… all in all…i thank God!

  • chubbiepearl November 8, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    I can’t stop laughing!Tears are pratically rolling down my cheeks!lessons learnt sha…

  • newbie November 11, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    People, it is actually ok to politely decline when someone asks you to be on their bridal train. No really, it is. It is a labour of love, especially if you are incurring costs. Regarding costs, there is no hard and fast rule about it; if the couple’s budget stretches to it then by all means they can pay for the whole kit. If it doesnt, in my experience it is the norm for the adult members of the wedding party to pay for their own kit – yes, including foreign travel. And not bang on about it forever too! It is called being a friend, hence not something you agree to do without thinking it over, or something you do for everybody. As an adult, i have been maid of honor 3x and all 3x I paid for my kit, with all pleasure – one of them was a foreign affair too. When I got married, i only paid for outfits for my flower girls, even though their parents offered to pay.

    Yes, weddings are stressful affairs. Yes wedding transport should be arranged at least for every woman and child in the wedding party, and any out-of-towners (especially female out-of-towners); however these are some of the things that the bridesmaids can help arrange (or remind the bride to). You’re not just a bridesmaid to sit there and look pretty. My chief bridesmaid (my beautiful sis) went over my checklists with me several times b4 the wedding to make sure we had thought of and arranged for everything possible. It didn’t stop her from forgetting to bring the suitcase I had entrusted to her with our change of clothes for the evening on the d-day. I didn’t kill her, or refuse to smile for the rest of the wedding. People forget things you know? Brides are people too. As the saying goes, the best laid plans of mice and men…………

    Babe, hope you have simmered down by now (how many years ago was that?) :-)

  • Mimi November 16, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Molade, I think your pain and frustration is highly understood. It is the bride’s duty to provide transportation to and fro the wedding, even if she can’t she should have let it be known in advance rather than to just leave you girls hanging.

    However, you’re not a good friend or MOH to have just stopped your role at the reception. It was quite wrong of you. How would you feel should your MOH, who wasn’t titillated by one maybe small error that you perform on your wedding day, and dumps her role and balances herself somewhere nowhere to be found? Just think of it.

    Hey, I get your reason to be upset, even I get upset by things that ppl may/may not understand. BUT you should have continued your duties..

  • Mimi November 16, 2012 at 7:25 am

    The bride self didn’t even do her bridesmaid well. She should have prepared/arranged for snacks or a light meal for the bridal party between the wedding ceremony and reception smh

    I hope everyone who has commented learns from this. How to treat your friends/bridal party, and things that must be done, those unsaid bride suties concerning the party.

  • grace November 18, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    @molade,the time for ur wedding will come n you’ll see its not easy to be a bride or a groom,im not supporting ur friend cos she ought to have made the arrangement for u,since she failed in her responsibility you dont have to be that angry as you claim its her day,you shud have forgiven immediate n support her irrespective of her attitude,you dont have to behave like people with the wrong attitude when you have the goood one,but i know how you feel after spending our money for the dress n accessories,always be a good friend no matter how bad ur friends get,it will pay off some day. God bless you

    • fuoma April 2, 2013 at 1:57 pm

      that ONE DAY been? please call a spade a spade not a garden fork. its ok to act badly coz you are getting married? na wa for u o

  • Bee November 29, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Hmm now I’m scared o…on my friend’s train in 3wks…so far so good. Watch this space incase i have to eat those words….

  • Pink November 30, 2012 at 8:54 am

    been a BM once and A MOH once. my BM scenario was so wonderful, she was a friend from Igbins as well as a roommate, she made hotel arrangement for us her bridemaids (by the way she is the introvert type so u can imagine she had just few friends and she choose us wisely), our dresses was so lovely (my younger sister begged me to have my dress afterwards) the wedding was really classy and had just intimate friends of bride and groom, parents of couple and a few work colleagues, we really had fun.
    But for my MOE was for a cousin, well lets just say both families dnt relate well afterwards (my mum and my coz’s mum). i paid for my own dress, shoes, makeup etc, the bride even had the nerve to ask me to provide my car for the wedding knowing fully well that she had an out of town wedding (service at imo state with reception at Anambra state). i was treated so shabbily, it was even relatives that complained on behalf of me. bride and bride’s mum is wat u call a modern day Demon! but trust me i smiled all through the whole bullshit, had fun. BTW, their marriage was over after just 4mnths.

  • Southernbelle January 14, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    These stories are indeed from hell. Lol….
    I had a similar experience in dec as a bridesmaid where the bride felt a bit too entitled. Let’s just say I have learnt from her and would be more attentive and sensitive to my bridesmaids (cos I want alot of em hehehe…) and not treat them like they must do things for me as it’s ‘my day’…

  • Graco January 21, 2013 at 10:58 am

    Na wa. I was in a daze at my wedding. My Bridesmaid thot it was her own wedding I guess. Cldnt have been bothered bout me. Na me find trouble. Flash in a pan friendship

  • Desire January 23, 2013 at 11:15 am

    you guys had me in stiches! my wedding is coming up in few months and i have learnt alot. I dont ve brides maid butio have speciall aso-ebi for friends of the couple. I intend to be a very lovely bride and considerate.

  • fuoma April 2, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    every one was too blame. but no she should take a ride with them. have you had you wedding? thats how its done. her friend is just a bridezilla.

  • D July 22, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    I know I am commenting real late but men these are some horror tales. I have been in bridal parties for a long time and since I started being a flower girl in 9ja my parents have always paid when I graduated to Bridesmaid I paid for myself both in 9ja and in the US. One thing I have learned is that being a BM is an honor both for me and the bride, for friends in the US not only do I buy dresses and shoes, organized bridal shower (i.e contributing food and drinks, gifts for games and still buying a gift for the bride and groom) and I did it all with a smile and on minimum wage as I still in school at that point and I was happy to do it and I even drove myself to the church, reception and back home but it was an honor and today I am still very good friends with the Brides . On the other hand my sister decided to get married and wanted a big bridal party (had my parents going to ask cousins who we are not close to, to be in the wedding). Some said noo, which I understood, she didn’t my parents provided accomodation for the entire party i.e hotel but no one, my sister included thought of how the entire 15 million party would get to the church and reception. Then one of the BMs who was actually a family friend and at the time was dating one of my cousins started acting up and really thought it was all about her because according to her she was doing my sister a favor. (My mum had to be begging this piece of handy work because after we came in from rehearsals that she was supposed to show up for and never showed up for, we refused to say hello to her btw we had seen this girl earlier in the day as she came in with the said cousin and we had done the usual hello but she wanted additional hello after not showing up for rehearsals). Me i waka commot na my sister want big bridal party cause all this drama. My mum made the mistake though of asking me to beg said girl i gave both my mother and the girl tongue lashing my mama just said men…I knew i should have gone to your other sister to beg her not you. But that was the last peep we heard from her. I got married a year later, I had only 4 BM’s and my MOH who was my younger sis. I picked a color and told everyone pick your styles and your budget i.e what your pocket book can handle. I had different shapes in my party, I made sure I had a minivan available to take all my BM’s to the church (reception was in the same compound as church) I paid for their makeup and bouquets, and gave every single one including my sister and groomsmen a thank you card and gifts, I have very few friends and those were the people I wanted standing by me on that day and I wanted them to know their being present to support me did mean a lot to me. The way you act when you are under a lot of pressure and stress says a lot about you so brides take note and not use the excuse that being a bride is stressful. Yes it is but it is not an excuse for bad behaviour. BMs too should know a friend asking you to stand by her says a lot about her feelings towards you, i.e it is an honor; treat it as such. I had a friend in the US that was going to be in my wedding but she needed to get visa to come to Nigeria and she just dragged her feet, the same for picking her own dress, few months before the wedding (i.e after she had made fun of my “carribean accent”, told me her parents don’t want her going to Nigeria and dragging her feet and not doing anything in regards to visa or deciding on an outfit) i told her politely that she could still come but as a guest and guess what I was the bridezilla at least according to her.

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