What is the Definition of ‘Good Sex’?Posted on Tuesday, July 16th, 2013 at 2:05 PM
By Kome Olori Agulonu
“Really” I whispered back as I angled closer to her.
As you can expect, we proceeded to spend our forty minutes journey curiously examining the app, flicking from one position to another (the images so hot they could burn your eyeballs), giggling like school girls all the way. We analysed the merits of each one as we tried to visualize ourselves in the positions with our other half. Of course we had to be mindful of the many eyes and ears around us on the London underground before we made the headlines on BBC!
By the end of our ‘look-see’ my eyes were popping out-maybe a little crazily but who cared? I had been thoroughly schooled by this app. Don’t ask for specifics and I won’t tell you but my head was full! Who uses this stuff? I questioned myself silently. Surely not normal people?
Well for our own peace of mind, we decided that what we had just seen was of no relevance to us. In fact, it was better suited to gymnasts (correct ones o), weight watchers and other professionals- if you understand what I mean.
Many weeks passed after the phone app incident and I still had questions. I could have looked on the internet but I didn’t want to get caught sneakily asking Google about Sex! And I couldn’t bring it up with my naughty friend because I knew she would only give me naughty answers accompanied with funny winks. So after further thought, I asked my older friend from church who had been married for a few years what she thought was the right amount of adventure to have with sex. Ladies and gentlemen, her answer was nothing like I expected.
Without much ado, she told-no preached to me about God’s plan for sex-with bible quotes. She told me how enjoying it too much was a sin or led to sin (I didn’t quite grasp that bit) and how I should stick to having sex for the main purpose of child bearing. After all, the Bible said nothing about enjoyment when it mentioned people getting married or having children. The one that boggled my mind was when she causally mentioned that only spoilt girls enjoy it anyway so I should just have enough of it to keep my husband happy because every strong marriage needs enough sex. At this point I hastily ended the conversation before she damaged me completely. Then I promised myself that I will forget everything she said once I wrote about it.
In retrospect, I understand my friend’s view point. In Africa especially, no one talks openly about sex. It is like the CIA or FBI’s classified secrets. It is something we think or know about but dare not admit to. As we grow older, some of us get married and have children of our own, yet many of our questions are still unanswered but we choose to suffer on instead of braving the bewilderment that will greet you if you risked asking the ‘grown ups’. I can just picture the shock in my mother’s eyes if I asked her the question(s) I would flippantly ask my friends.
I hope that our generation will raise their children differently. A little openness will ensure our children feel safe enough to talk to us plus it will reduce the awkwardness that many adults feel about sex even when they are married but that is a story for another day.
For today, let’s simply discuss, as honestly as possible, what it means to have ‘good sex’ as my favourite app promised we would do once we mastered its many styles.
Dear readers, is there good and bad sex? How do you measure whether it is good or bad? To whom or where will you go if you had unanswered questions or you and your partner were not working magic yet?
Also we would love to hear what the different holy books say or don’t say about the act of lovemaking.
Photo Credit: YNaija
Kome Olori Agulonu is a writer and business analyst. She is also the CEO of Chunky Jewels, a brand of unique, handmade, African inspired costume jewellery sold in the United Kingdom. You can follow her on twitter @komeolori or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org