The Blindside

Posted on Thursday, October 17th, 2013 at 9:45 AM

By Busola Idowu

Have you ever been blindsided in love and life? I mean, completely, totally, excruciatingly blindsided! Ok, take it from someone who has been there, it is not a nice place to be at all. You feel like your whole life is unravelling right before your eyes and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop the flow.

The dictionary[1] meaning of blindside is ‘to take somebody unawares, suddenly with detrimental results to that person’.  I think it is especially worse when that somebody is one you claim to truly love and cherish.

I saw a movie during the course of the week and it completely defined the essence of being blindsided. The movie centred on a couple, James and Anita who had been in a mutually rewarding relationship for about three years; everything was going pretty smooth or at least so she thought. In fact, they were vacationing in the Gambia for two whole weeks prior to their break-up and he never gave any indication that he was having misgivings as to their entire relationship. The next thing she receives on the Monday following their arrival from the trip was a short sms ‘announcing’ no, ‘informing’ her that he just gotten transferred to the Dutch headquarters of his office and was already on the aircraft en route Amsterdam! She felt so surreal, as though she was in a dream or she had just been slapped by a prized flight-weather weight boxer! Seriously, where did that come from? Obviously, the organization would never have sprung such a surprise out of the blues but he had given absolutely no indication that there was any such plan in the offing. Of course, he was fully aware and had even been planning the move but had chosen to keep her in the dark. Wow!

She became extremely depressed and found it difficult to trust men again until her knight in shining armour arrived on the scene; they got married and lived happily ever after. Nice end to a not-so-nice story.

For me, however, the challenge was trying to decipher how this creature formed by a loving, caring God could claim to love and respect someone, a minute before and in the second it took to bat an eyelid, had shattered the very hopes, dreams and goals they had built together over the years. That has to be the very height of wickedness and dishonesty, display of a total lack of integrity and callousness for any person to act this way and be unconcerned about the consequences of such actions.

Not everyone is able to bounce back effectively from such heart-shattering disappointment and years after, they continue to nurse the after-shocks of being blindsided in love. It becomes an exercise in humility, perseverance and self-love to rebuild the self-confidence and esteem which invariably disappear. Second guessing of choices, wondering what could have been done differently and what exactly went wrong are issues that regularly go through one’s mind. Quite often, these questions do not receive tangible responses (if any) so it is difficult to attempt a whole-scale reversal of actions and therefore prevent a re-occurrence. The best one can do is make that choice to triumph above all circumstances, brace oneself and pray. A lot.

Quite often with the help of a strong support system; many people are able to overcome the fears and disappointment that characterised the ‘event’, make changes and adjustments then launch out again into the world. It becomes another lesson in the school called life and a stepping stone to greater things.

So, have you fallen victim to the infamy of blindsiding or have you blindsided anyone? Please share instances where either you or someone you know was blindsided and how you (they) rose from the ashes and can look back today even though nostalgic but still hopeful and expectant.

[1] Encarta Dictionary 2009

Photo Credit: visualphotos.com

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Busola Idowu was born in Kaduna State where she had all her pre-university education. She studied Law at the University of Ibadan and currently works at an NGO. She loves God, reading, writing, languages, watching TV, talking and browsing the internet – basically an information junkie. She blogs at Diamondplus.blogspot.com

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  • 49 Comments on “The Blindside”

    Comments
    • MImi October 17, 2013 at 9:59 AM

      Can we have happy love stories please. Show some sisters some please. Give us some shuga. Life is hard enough, sometimes you need something to make you smile wistfully, have hope and give thanks in anticipation of what is coming. Wedding pictures should not only herald the beauty of love. BN unless it is part of your business strategy to start offering relationship counselling service, or dating service. Make una stop am now

      • July October 17, 2013 at 10:37 AM

        This comment truly made my day LOL!

    • princess October 17, 2013 at 10:12 AM

      This article is completely biased! Not making excuses for the guy or anything. But are you saying that if you’re not happy anymore in a relationship you should stay on because of sentimental reasons??? I definitely disagree a 150percent!! There’s never an easy way out to end relationships, whether he told her on the trip or told her after the trip she would have still felt betrayed anyway. So I mean, different strokes for different folks my dear! All you really can do is hope and pray you’re making the right decision and hope you both find happiness after each other. My opinion. :)

      • FemaleNigerian October 17, 2013 at 10:52 AM

        Loool. Princess, dis ur comment js shows u av blindsided someone before. Pls shar wiv us. I want to hear gist :)

        • princess October 17, 2013 at 11:07 AM

          Looool!
          Yes and i’m not ashamed of it. I did it with the most genuine of reasons. We still talk though once in a while, and we are both doing okay. Well I’m doing pretty okay. He says he’s doing okay too. So yay!

    • koko October 17, 2013 at 10:33 AM

      my ex pregnated a gal got married and i didnt suspect notin he married saturday i saw himm on wednesdayl…..we dated for 3yrs …

      • Bleed blue October 17, 2013 at 10:49 AM

        WOW! That’s gangsta!

      • Miss Anonymous October 18, 2013 at 1:02 PM

        That’s enough for some to drink acid and die :-)

    • Gistyinka Blog October 17, 2013 at 10:40 AM

      @mimi why did you get carry away with BN wedding pictures serial.. Somehow is part of life, time to smile and time to shuffle our ways

      • MImi October 17, 2013 at 10:50 AM

        Jesu Gba Wheel on behalf of Yinka o

        • roundpeginasquarehole October 17, 2013 at 5:51 PM

          LMFAO

    • Thatgidigirl October 17, 2013 at 10:41 AM

      @mimi I tire for Bella o! Perhaps they’re trying to present an avenue for closure for some people, for me articles like this just remind me of stuff I’m trying to forget. Happy stories pls!!

    • moses audu October 17, 2013 at 3:35 PM

      do u truely lov each other? If so,encorage some nigerian.

    • Gorgeous October 17, 2013 at 3:41 PM

      Totally. This is why ladies these days have Plan B. Na guys cause am o. Be honest with who ever you are talking to and with each step of the way. Dont lie and use them. The thing is a lot of those issues can be worked out. And if you think they cant, then let the person go gently and respectfully. Blindsiding someone is an act of cowardice and someone else will do it to you too. It is absolutely disrespectful and juvenile. If you can do such to anyone, the person does not deserve to be with you. Period.

    • Tiki October 17, 2013 at 5:25 PM

      I’ve not blindsided anyone or been blindsided, really. However, I’ve dated (or tried to date) someone who had been blindsided – like Busola says, it really does a number on some people! It was sad to see a grown man, a father, with all this love to give, who couldn’t find his way to a relationship because of issues he had with trust, sex and money. In the end I had to walk away because I couldn’t get through to him. All ye blindsiders, karma is real o! Your own will not be to the side – it will be blindfrontal!

      • Purpleicious Babe October 18, 2013 at 7:37 PM

        lool @ blindfrontal… too much jokes.

        I’d like to add that I totally get the article and the point it is trying to make.I think there are many sides to analysing it etc.
        Personally, I believe in honesty and transparency. Its better to tell the truth than to run away from it. Ok, so it will hurt a lot more but it still worth it. I guess some people like the guy in the movie felt he was helping her get through the situation quickly by doing a runner or maybe he did’t care or perhaps the extra niceness was part of saying goodbye or he couldn’t face up to the truth heck it could be a bunch of reasons or none.
        If you have built, worked hard and given your time in a relationship its only fair to respect the person and inform them either way it will still hurt but at least you informed them and not take off leaving them lost and even more confused, that makes it worse. On the other hand, perhaps its a good thing, they have saved you from a heap load of trouble in the future plus they have helped you to learn about the dynamics of human beings etc.

        Tip: Always ask questions i.e. communicate, discuss etc and read between the lines. Even that does not guarantee anything. So pray that God will help you stomach whatever is awaiting around the corner. Humans as far as am concerned are unpredictable…..

        http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • Hadassah October 17, 2013 at 6:55 PM

      I have been blindsided!! I won’t wish the heartache on my worst enemy. It’s been four years and counting and I’m still not over it. Two years ago I tried dating someone who had been blindsided too. Can someone scream CHAOS!! We both has serious trust issues. I walked away from the relationship.

    • Hadassah October 17, 2013 at 6:57 PM

      Oh!! Did I mention we dated for three an a half years before the blindsiding.

      • Smallie October 17, 2013 at 7:32 PM

        Hadassah, I can feel your pain across the screen. It is well. Remember that you are worthy of love. Your partner doing that to you is a sign of their COWARDICE. It has nothing to do with you. They would have done the same thing to somebody. Don’t let people take away your happiness. When you think about it, smile because you dodged a bullet. It is well.

    • Smallie October 17, 2013 at 7:30 PM

      I have been blindsided. My boyfriend that I thought was having personal issues and was why he disappeared for 3 weeks. He randomly told me at 7 AM (via text message) that he had slept with some body else. I thought it was a lie. When I finally realized it was true, my heart beat so fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack. My body became so hot to touch, I was dizzy. It was surreal. If I wasn’t at the a/port trying to catch a flight, I would have passed out. Thank God I wasn’t driving because nah another story be that one!

      It is never nice to blind side somebody you claim to love. If you ever loved them, end things with the love and respect you accorded them in your relationship. Things don’t have to go to the altar. If you are not interested, that’s OK. There is a humane way to end relationships. You don’t have to leave unnecessary scars. You don’t have to leave disaster, pain and suffering in your wake.

      • Miss Anonymous October 18, 2013 at 1:07 PM

        That’s enough for some to drink acid and die :-)

      • marymary October 23, 2013 at 3:21 PM

        yea i totally agree with you on this if u claim u love
        someone you would let him or her go with love and respect
        intact!

    • Modella October 18, 2013 at 3:13 PM

      Still prefer it to the silence code

    • Donthavetimeforrubbish October 19, 2013 at 12:40 AM

      First of all most times before a guy will “blindside” you,
      he would have thought long and haaaard about it,it could be
      something the babe does,did, or doesnt do that according to him, he
      cannot cope with. On the other hand maybe the guy himself was
      blindsided! But generally WOMEN dont like being blindsided,
      majority will start crying…its crying that many guys cannot just
      handle hence..they blindside the babe and move on.

    • ada October 19, 2013 at 3:21 AM

      helpppppppppp my boyfriend hates communication

    • jez October 19, 2013 at 7:39 PM

      Hi guys, I am so lonely. I live in a house full of people. But I need my own life partner and love. I came back from the UK early this year for a marriage, but it didn’t work, so I refused the marriage.

      I run a small business, and the people I meet aren’t the type of people I’d like to marry. But I don’t have any other avenues to meet eligible men. Most of the ones I meet through parties are way too young, and everyone in my age bracket seems to be taken (32-38). Also I didn’t grow up here, so have limited friends who can do introductions.

      Can someone suggest where I can meet/connect with eligible single men? Has anyone tried speed dating or online dating in Nigeria? Is Afrointroduction any good?

      I’m 5’5, size 6 (uk), people say I look like Cassie (I don’t know for them o’!)

      • Happy October 19, 2013 at 11:31 PM

        Hi Jez, please do not make searching for a husband ur sole purpose. Make friends and just see where it goes. No need to push things more than they have to be pushed. It could cloud your judgement. Love yourself more everyday. My 2 cents (although I would like to think this is worth more than 2cents

      • Bishop November 4, 2013 at 6:45 PM

        Hi Jez,
        My friends and I are single chaps all within acceptable age range. (37-40) Pls drop an email add I can reach you.

    • jenny October 20, 2013 at 11:13 AM

      I hav been blindsided 2wice the first one jst left and stp
      callin and taking my calls….I tot I was goin 2 die..mi knw I
      didn’t do anytin 2 him….Ð love was so mch…I never knw wat hit
      me…well Ð 2nd I handled like an expert…I laughed and laughed
      and said I wil move on…bt I pity dis guy am bout 2 blindside
      nw…am traveling soon and I dnt plan telling him ….and my friend
      lookin 4 hubby online…babe its shit….love urself nt À must u
      need man 2 survive…if u desperate de wil hurt u more…u u end up
      being divorced…babe pray 2 God compose urself and pls if u really
      lik nigerian guys u hav 2 drop dat uk attitude….our men like
      yelling at their women and like 2 get away wit it….so maybe u get
      À banner bearing…yell at me I wnt tell Ð cops…jst
      kidding…hope u enjoy urself dear

    • jez October 20, 2013 at 2:45 PM

      @ happy – thanks! @Jenny – you ‘re funny with the ‘cops
      attitude thing’ Lets just be clear I am not lacking self
      confidence, not am I desperate…I have men asking. But these are
      not the ones I want. Nigerian men tend to be very out of shape -
      which is a no-no for me, drink a lot, eat a lot. Nothing else seems
      simulating. Jare – I’ll go back to the UK where I understand how
      they men act. They’re are no adventurous men in Nigeria. The
      wildest thing they think to do is go to the beach. I myself do not
      plan to be assigned to such life of mundane boredom! If I do not
      meet a dashing young man by December – then so long
      Nigeria!

    • hi October 20, 2013 at 6:33 PM

      jez, google mr jerome onipede, he is a rship consultant,
      here in lagos, a genuine christian and very relaible. if u can
      contact him, may be, he could be of help, when it comes to
      christian match making

    • Abby October 21, 2013 at 1:09 PM

      We live in a crazy world whereby people have just turned to
      be heartless as in wht does it cost someone to be decent enough and
      end the rship in a peaceful way.God help us all. @ Jez, online
      dating to be precise afrointroductions isnt too bad, im actually
      about to close my account as i have met someone locally lol but its
      definately a good site minus few scammers here and there .My friend
      met someone in there and they seem to be very much inlove so give
      it a shot you just never know :) ALL WE NEED IS LOVE :)
      LOL

    • Nora October 21, 2013 at 2:51 PM

      I just got blindsided last week by my fiancé. We were together for a year and two months before he called it off. when I asked what my offence was, he simply said “nothing”. I was crushed. I loved this guy deeply. We’re both born-again Christians so sex never was never part of our relationship. I was faithful, loyal and loving. There were times I tried to offer him moral support when things were not going smoothly but he’d push me away. He is a young man filled with great potentials although he is yet to attain that financial stability that most ladies look out for. I was prepared to stand by him through thick and thin but he turned around and told me he didn’t have feelings for me anymore. The day he broke up with me, he had the picture of another girl as the wallpaper on his phone…when I asked who she was, he said she was his “very good friend”. I honestly thought this was it for me, but here am I again… With all sense of humility I am not bad looking and I try not to let that get into my head. Its certainly not an easy road to tread but hey! such is life. I’ve forgiven him and I’ll keep praying for him because my relationship with GOD is very important to me and I don’t want anything to jeopardise that. I’m getting stronger by the day and I know that my Husband is out there and in no distant time, the good LORD will lead him to me. Praying has helped keep me sane and strong and I’m recommending it for anyone going through a similar ordeal. The good news is that GOD can never stop loving you. Some day, you’ll look back and thank GOD that it happened the way it did.

      • Abby October 22, 2013 at 2:16 PM

        oh dear it is well, do not loose hope, what i always
        believe is that, God has a better plan for each one of us and
        always pray and trust God to give you a better man.It is never a
        failure but always a lesson.God is a good God.. :)

      • Teespice October 30, 2013 at 4:00 PM

        @Nora,we both in d same situation.God heals all wounds.He’ll heal us and yes,our ‘own’ man is out there waiting.He’ll find us soon

    • jez October 21, 2013 at 5:19 PM

      I’ve been keeping m own blindsided relationship tucked away
      in my mind. But now I feel I need to share. So I was with a guy for
      about 2 and a half years in the UK. He was doing his masters and I
      really supported him financial (makes me sick now how gullible I
      was) He’s visa was running out, and he asked me to marry him just
      so he can stay. Not for love. I declined, then he broke up with me.
      So I kinda convinced him to get back…and we were hanging there,
      and I kept feeding him money. He asked me again for a large amount
      I said I could not help him. He called it off again, saying I was
      not supportive when he needed me most? What? Anyways I tried to win
      him back not for love but for the childish fact of how dare he
      break it off. It should have been me! He deleted me from facebook
      and then fast forward 2 months later – he’s engaged to a Polish
      lady to get his visa! I kept trying to contact him to get
      closure/answer but he kept fobbing me off and saying it’s not what
      it seems to be. I actually cursed him – fat good that did! So now
      I’ve not heard from him for about 3 years now. He could have
      married her and had kids. In my moment of malice I thought about
      calling immigration to scupper his arranged marriage plans. Do you
      think I should? I still can… even if they have been married for
      10years if I can prove the text and emails then he’s done
      for.

      • Tele October 21, 2013 at 10:20 PM

        Let it go Jez. People like that always get what’s coming to them. They think God’s bow-legged so they can dribble through His legs! Just relax & be the best u can be sha.
        Was with this awesome chick who knew she was ‘all that’ right until she just upped & bounced and stopped picking my calls and answering my SMS’s…only to rotate back weeks later with a 2-by-4 story of being sick n all…and this crap has continued for abt 2 months now. I’m currently in the progress of exorcising her from my life – maybe you should try that too ;)

    • Smallie October 21, 2013 at 10:09 PM

      Jez,

      If you call the cops, how will that solve your problem? Does spoiling his life make you happy? Karma is a bitch and it will come back to bite you in the arse. Don’t you think you are worthy of much more than a man that just uses for sex and cash? don’t you think you deserve more? a king that will cherish you? a man than will give you the shirt off his back in a heart beat? don’t you think so? Will cursing your ex and ruining his life make you richer, taller, happier, more beautiful? NO! ANd if you get back with him sef, you will be living the cursed life you wished on him. Think hard, think well and let it go. Holding on to bitterness might be why you are still single. Negative energy drives people away.

    • Isha October 21, 2013 at 10:12 PM

      Really sad stories here just thought I’ll share mine too. I dated this guy last year for about 5months and I feel so deeply in love with him. The first few months felt surreal he made me unbelievably happy until he didn’t i guess. he started to act up, broke up with me over the silliest stuff and just basically cut off communication with me. I spent the next year plus trying to win him back but nothing happend, I realized it only gave him more opportunities to hurt me so I finally made up my mind to forget him. I’ve been doing pretty well lately and guess what? I just met this amazing new guy hope it works out well tho! Lol stay strong girls there is hope after blindsiding

    • jez October 22, 2013 at 11:13 AM

      Thanks Tele, Smallie for the encouraging words. But can I
      tell you guys another secret, we never actual slept together. I’m
      kinda waiting to meet the right man before marriage for all this
      wild sex business. Could sex be why I’m still single?

      • Tele October 22, 2013 at 10:21 PM

        Jez, let me tell you a secret in return: you’re one lucky woman! When someone ditches you like that, every good thing y’all shared comes back to bite you in the arse – especially the sex…all that vulnerability *shiver* SUCKS when you’ve just been taken for granted. Continue keeping the honeypot for the Real Man…

    • Abeggiiii October 22, 2013 at 3:14 PM

      What Jerome Onipede! paid my 15k dat was like 3yrs ago… only filled questionnaire with a gathering of three people at his office…. not even one date did I go! instead proposing to counsel me ( not free ooo for more money). Mtchewww. Still single and searching. ChazB is hosting a programme for Dec 13th…cupid sumtin..ticket like 10k! atleast people will be there for us to mingle with.

    • anastasia October 22, 2013 at 8:03 PM

      @jez, sex is not the reason you are single……please,I want you to join these pages on facebook (abstinence until marriage)and (talk about christ walk,relationship,love and romance with sigoluhle mandizha)….I also went through a break up recently and these pages helped alot

    • D Weight-Watchers October 23, 2013 at 10:32 AM

      Its. Pretty bad place to find yourself but with God all things are possible. LOSE THOSE FLABS AND LOOK BANGING FOR XMASS visit us @ dweightwatchers.com , or BB us on 25ECE2FC

    • jez October 24, 2013 at 1:37 PM

      @ Abeggiiii – I goggled this Jerome fella and his blogspot page has not been updated since 2008. Honestly I can’t take a business seriously if they don’t even owe their own domain name. hmm Dec 13th huh, maybe I’ll sign up for that – are you going?

      @Anatasia – I have a 3rd secret – it’s not only for religious purposely – it’s just I really can’t be hopping into bed with men, don’t believe in taking pills , and not about to get pregnant either. So best solution = abstinence. I mean I tried to have sex like thrice with the same guy when I was 24…so technically I’m not a virgin – or am I? And I quickly went to church for repentance!

      • Bishop November 4, 2013 at 6:28 PM

        Hi Jez, My friends and I are single chaps all within
        acceptable age range. (37-40) Pls drop an email add I can reach
        you.

    • Teespice October 30, 2013 at 4:02 PM

      @Nora,we both in same situation.U sure it aint d same man*lol*God’l give us our knight in shining armour and soon too IJN.

    • Banks November 1, 2013 at 3:54 PM

      I was blindsided by my boyfriend i dated for 3/4 years. when it was time for him to come see my people suddenly he told me that his family has a predicament that might prevent the marriage. when i opened up to my family abt it, all i got was a “BIG NO”. I tried to convience my people no way…… i had to move on….So painful… He knew abt it for years and he kept it to himself. A relationship i nurtured for years….. Pls is it too early to start another relationship???

    • Nora December 11, 2013 at 12:21 PM

      This year has been pretty challenging but I thank GOD I’m alive to see December 2013. GOD has been with me althrough my trying moments. He never left nor did HE forsake me. Shaortly after my break up, I got to travel to Isreal for the 1st time. I had an amazing time. 2014 promises to be a great year. I’m hopeful and I know that GOD is set to do something outstanding. For every1 trusting GOD to be married, GOD will surely do it. Its better to marry the right person in a year’s time than marry the wrong person this year. Our ultimate goal is to spend Eternity with GOD in Heaven and we can only get there if we have a relationship with HIM here on earth. Challenges will surely come, but GOD has assured us victory if we walk in accordance to HIS word. GOD is giving us double for our trouble, In JESuS name, Amen. Wishing you all a merry christmas in advance and a prosperous 2014. GOD bless you.