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The Gold Digger in Me

Glory Edozien

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Every woman is a Gold digger. We just use different tools, some use cranes, some tractors, others straws and the rest, spoons. (Glory Edozien, 2009)

golddiggaThe above statement was once my facebook status message and I sincerely doubt that my profile page has been any busier after that day.

When I was younger I believed in unconditional love. I dated guys with empty pockets, stingy a$$ dudes who would rather pretend to be broke than loan their mother 10 bucks. But it didn’t matter to me. Everything I have ever wanted, I have bought with my own money. So whether a guy spent money on me or not, had a good car or not, or lived with his parents at the age of 30, I wasn’t bothered. Instead I believed in ‘building with my man’. The naïve little girl in me actually believed that ‘if you are with a man when he has nothing, he will always remember you when he has something’.

Fast forward a couple of years and throw in the speed bumps and punches of life, and I am a completely different person. Well maybe not totally different, just wiser and smarter. Wise enough to know that a stingy man in his 30’s will be an even stinger man in his 40’s and that the only loyal mammals on earth are dogs not humans. Smart enough to realise that it is important for a man to have his own things and be financially capable of taking care of me and our future children and not be ashamed to let him know that his ability to fulfil those roles impact greatly on our relationship. Let’s be honest girls, men waste no time in letting us know what they want in the kitchen or in the sack. They don’t bat an eyelid when they say ‘oh this girl is not my type’, ‘she is too fat’, ‘she is too thin’, ‘she isn’t yellow enough’, ‘she can’t cook’, ‘I don’t like her mother’, ‘she is an aje butter’. So why is it that when we are seeking to legitimately secure our future and those of our children we are automatically labelled derogatory terms such as ‘gold digger’.

However with every good bunch of grapes there is always the sour one which makes you think the rest maybe just as bad! Take for instance a guy I went on a date with some time last year (lets call him Uche). We met up at a swanky bar in London and he was absolutely stunned when after scanning through the drinks menu filled with expensive drinks that I opted for lemonade (£5.60) instead of something pricier. He told me of a girl who he had met for the first time at a similar priced bar who had ordered a bottle of Louis Roederer Crystal Rose Champagne on his tab—a £500 bottle of champagne. Although he claimed he could easily afford it, he made it clear to her that he thought it was outrageous for her to order such an expensive drink. The poor girl was so embarrassed she changed her order to a bottle of mineral water!

Another friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend because, as he put it, ‘he was tired of being her daddy’. According to him she asked him for everything under the sun. Money for hair extensions, cloths, bags, shoes, petrol, make up and would get very upset or even withhold ‘extracurricular affairs’ if he delayed payment. The final straw came when she bought a set of matching gold earrings, necklace and bracelet worth N450, 000 and sent the trader to his office to harass him for the money!

So yeah, I agree. There are ‘some’ girls who put the ‘gold’ in gold digger but these are extreme cases. Most regular women folk aren’t walking around like the devil, seeking a man’s money to devour! They just want to be sure their man can afford to take care of them and will happily supplement his income to ensure the smooth running of the home. However, in today’s relationships where the woman is already playing wife while she is girlfriend (cooking, cleaning and bedroom duties), I think it’s only fair for the man to start playing husband too.

Every man should take pride in being able to afford to take care of his woman. Personally I cannot be with a man who does not see me eye to eye on this issue and I am not ashamed to say so. Nowadays before I date a guy he must pass the financial acid test. Good job, good car, nice flat, generous with dollops of ambition and drive! Gone are the days were I was fasting and praying for a man to buy his first car only for him to put another woman in the front seat. Anh anh, my mother didn’t raise no fool! I will fast and pray with you for that promotion, while the AC of your current car is blowing me in the face. I will get up and seek the Lord early in the morning for his salary increase when I have recovered from our romantic getaway in Dubai. I will cook the best tasting Egusi soup known to man while I am in his fully fitted kitchen and furnished home. I will hold his hand through all of life’s ups and downs while he treats me like the princess I deserve to be. And if all this makes me a gold digger, then I’ll say it loud and hard, I am digging for gold and I’m proud!

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are https://www.canadianmeds4u.com/category/buy-antibiotics-online/ more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

97 Comments

  1. Onyeka

    March 9, 2010 at 9:35 am

    lolll…well said!!! very true. u just made my day.

  2. theodora

    March 9, 2010 at 9:44 am

    Amen to that!! This is exactly my experience..But much wiser now

  3. obi

    March 9, 2010 at 10:03 am

    very funny but i strongly stand behind u

  4. duchess419

    March 9, 2010 at 10:03 am

    True talk Gloria and the fact is real women are not afraid to be with real men and behave like real women. AMEN

  5. Lady X

    March 9, 2010 at 10:03 am

    Personally I think if you can not afford something on your own you shouldn’t make someone else buy it for you. Like the girl that ordered the 500 pound bottle, if she could afford it for herself and not mind paying for it then her ordering it is cool. But when you can’t afford something like that and you’re trying to make someone else (guy or girl) pay for it I think that’s sad and it’s taking advantage. What if the guy had let her drink the whole bottle and then asked her to pay and she couldn’t?

  6. BBB

    March 9, 2010 at 10:03 am

    hmmmmm
    i totally relate……
    even if we are independent women, its a mans job to take care of us, even if we do things ourself there is a comfotr and security in knowing that he would do it for you without battling an eyelid,,,,,
    a stingy man will be stingy for life

  7. Ivory Malinov

    March 9, 2010 at 10:15 am

    A girl after my own heart.

  8. Ivory Malinov

    March 9, 2010 at 10:19 am

    Nice one… We can all totally relate to this.

  9. ibinike

    March 9, 2010 at 10:37 am

    Hey! Glory, don’t generalize. I have seen happy women who supported their men and when the guy is made, didn’t forget her sacrifices, prayers and understanding and rewarded her handsomely too. While i don’t ignore the ever-so-common ingratitude of some men (A medical doctor hubby of a friends’ cousin just eloped to Canada with his mistress after 25 years of marriage and “hard labour” leaving his wife who was a pillar of support to his ailing practice in one village in Naija) but even this is not enough to say all women are gold diggers. We need to teach our daughters that hard work is good and not to be lazy, dependent women looking for the next loaded guy to latch on like leeches. We must learn to make our own money and be self-reliant, so when you are praying for that man, you are doing it out of love and not for rewards.

  10. Stephanie

    March 9, 2010 at 10:59 am

    Terrific! I felt twaz me talking while I read this..my thots exactly. I always tell my gurls never to have a problem requesting for stuff afterall, they cook wht he demands, go out of their way to satisfy his needs so y d hell not! Growing up my dad always told my brothers not to be mindful of whatever it is their wives would earn, that they should play their roles as Man of the house(whch starts from being a bf in my own opinion). Ladies too, the fact that he has the fitted kitchen, wall papered walls, exquisitely furnished rooms doesn’t mean he’s generous oh. I seriously can’t stand stingy dudes!

  11. Ragga

    March 9, 2010 at 11:10 am

    I could not agree with you more Glory.

  12. Rosie

    March 9, 2010 at 11:24 am

    yeepee! dis true talk, classy. treat us like princess cos we are. but what happens to those who cant afford good car, money, good job etc? it means, no show 4 dem! lol

  13. Nnenna

    March 9, 2010 at 11:34 am

    Gloryy Gloryy o Gloryy!!!! Talk about hitting the nail on the head. Great piece hun.xxx

  14. vic

    March 9, 2010 at 11:37 am

    LMAO!!!
    Laughed so hard after that!!Say it loud sister.

  15. Aibee

    March 9, 2010 at 11:59 am

    I agree a hundred percent. Before I gree for any guy, he must have a minum level of comfort + ambition. No one knows tommorrow they say but yet again-morning shows the day. Well done girl.

  16. Jane Doe

    March 9, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    hahaha glory!
    This is the best article so far!
    Loved every line!

  17. Bayo

    March 9, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    At the end of the day, we both want the same thingS. Secure and cared for in a relationship.

  18. Haatcoco

    March 9, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Well said sister! U took the words right outta our thoughts…brazen woman there!

  19. PET

    March 9, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    All in favour say AYE….. the AYEs have it!
    ‘nuf said

  20. Fab 5

    March 9, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Its amazing that women say stuff like this then complain that a man tried to buy their affections. Makes a very good read though. Just goes to prove my opinion. Money does buy love. I wonder what’d happen if he had a swanky car and fab apartment and a lovely salary, U married him and then he lost his job and went bust.

  21. Pamela

    March 9, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Loollll..true that, i have once been called a gold digger but that don’t bother me…cos honey boy if u want me smelling like roses then u gats do me right

  22. baby

    March 9, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    well said!!!! love it

  23. berry

    March 9, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    girl u er funny,funny as it may be,dats just d simple truth we all ve 2 undrstnd nowadays.bigups girl u knw wats up nd just said my mind too

  24. T girl

    March 9, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    I love this, tell them my sister, if my stop being a fool for a man has now made me to be a gold digger, let me be a digger!

  25. Bimby

    March 9, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Love this, true talk people might find it hard to accept but it is just the truth, I know this is what most ladies want but afraid to say out, ladies stand for your right you are not a doormat.

  26. Tunde Opaleye

    March 9, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    Well, I believe there are different kind of guys and ladies. I know a number of married folks where the lady married the guy when he was still ‘struggling’, and except they’re lying, they (at least 3 couples in mind at the moment) are having a fulfilling marriage (of at least 5 years).

    I believe there are also guys that will not ‘reward’ their women for sticking with them in the tough times, so shinning your eyes (of course subject to error) too is essential.

    But in the final analysis, it’s the quality of the lives of the individuals that will count when they come together…I definitely (as a guy) will prefer a ‘non-gold digging’ lady, especially because as important as money can be in any relationship, if it becomes the fundamentals whether before or after marriage, there’s a good chance for avoidable trouble or cracks to show up…

    Anyway, all the best to the gold diggers (whether you use a spoon or a tractor) 😉 …I hope you find fulfillment at the end of the ‘tunnel’ 🙂

  27. Teebaby

    March 9, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Preach it!!!! Sister! Word!

  28. kay...

    March 9, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    LWKMD!!! well said Glory… as a chic i know as well, though it hasn’t happened to me personally, i have a friend most down to earth as u’ll ever see n real calabar beauty, stuck with broke boy for 7yrs till he hit it big, well needless to say, they’re in different places now cos all of a sudden it just stopped ‘working’ for him… lessons learned my dear. I was always d same in love wit s’one who would share anything but his money, i didn’t mind, till it ended naturally n i moved on to date s’one else, n to him it was natural to make sure i didn’t suffer….my dear d difference is very clear n no going back certainly…its God’s will that men be providers, so why should u suffer womanly labour n still have to think of solely catering to myself…it takes age n experiences to open ur eyes to it…. definitely!

  29. gingergingerakaswaggaswagga

    March 9, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    I dont quite agree with all you have said Glory…still trying to make up my mind about what i agree and disagree with….hmmmmn…But what happens if your financially stable husband/fiancée looses it all?Will you leave him?For me sa at the end of the day love conquers all…

  30. skolo

    March 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    I Love!!!!!
    I Love!!!!!

  31. sweetie

    March 9, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    well said glory, i think you´ve said it all, please women stand up for what u want cuz d men are obviously doing it…a guy gave me a ride one day while i was waiting for a taxi, we were going to the same place and i kinda knew him being nigerian and all but had never actually spoken to him, just within 5 mins of introduction BAM…this fool asked me if i could cook soup , please o, i am not dating u,engaged or married to u, i just met u and u already know what u are looking for so puh-lkease ladies u too shine ur eyes and know what u want abeg!

  32. Lamide

    March 9, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    LOL!! I love this. Smart, witty, and True!! 🙂

  33. Inez

    March 9, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    I’ve always said: If I didn’t have a vagina and a womb would he be with me? There are certain necessary things we automatically consider before we (male and female) go into relationships. Male: fertility. Female: Capability. The man who demands qualities he cannot afford is himself a gold digger. If u want a beautiful woman u should be able to take care of her. U cannot purchase a porsche if u cannot maintain it. Now, before anyone screams “Gold Digger!!!” 😉 I believe that partners should complement each other, not use each other. Personally, askimg a man for all of my needs is a disrespect to myself. Though I believe when he comes into my life he should be able to make some positive changes otherwise there’s an extent of respect that I will have for him. Traditionally, Females in all forms of life expect their mate (male) to provide as males expect them to procreate. There’re extreme gold diggers as well as there’re extremely stingy men,of course, so it’s best to be careful. Now, Every woman is indeed a gold digger, I mean, what can I say? On a scale of 1-10 I think I fall under 2. Meaning I might, like the writer, order a five pounds lemonade or something a bit above but not something 100 pounds and above for instance, but why take me to an expensive restaurant if you want me to order something I can easily get any order place? Why would I go to the beach if I don’t want to get wet, c’mon.

  34. icetea99

    March 9, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    This story is pretty much my same experience. I used to date guys and if he wasn’t financially ready, I had this idea that we could “grow together”… and this was only while we were dating. I didn’t want to come off as being a gold digger so I figured lets get to know the heart of the man, rather than his pockets. But in the end, I was the one who was screwed over because the dating didn’t turn into a relationship and their excuses were ” im not ready to be in a serious relationship because i don’t have my life together and i’m not financially ready”. Although, that is smart and being responsible, I was even denied a chance for it grow because they didn’t have the $$. I have my own so I wasn’t going to ask them for their own….Its crazy, what I was trying not to be, went against me.. If i were a “gold digger” I wouldn’t have been in that position in the first place…But I have learned my lesson so well. From now on, if I ever talk to a guy, He will have that good job, and be financially ready…. No more of that nonsense…

  35. Grace

    March 9, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    God bless u…Grace….i totally agree! Im no longer the “down ass chick”

  36. Stephanie

    March 9, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    Terrific! I always tell my gurls never to hold back when expecting stuff from their dudes cos they cook as he demands…go ou of their way to satisfy his needs so y not??
    Growing up, my dad always told my brothers never to pay attention to whatever it is their wives earned(in my opinion that starts from bf/gf rshp)..
    Lastly, ladies please note that the fact that a guy exquisitely furnished home, a nice ride and an attractive bank balance doesn’t mean he’s generous oh.. I personally cannot stand stingy guys cos I aint that way either..

  37. D

    March 9, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    may God forgive all you ladies! yes yes yes! the man must show at least some evidence that he would make it in life but my dear ladies, “all that gliters is not gold!” ok what happens after the man passes the financial acid test, but later uses you as a punching bag?!
    Go and ask the governor’s wives that have all the money and affluence yet they dont have the love of the man?
    Go and ask the ladies that are with men that have money but they dont have peace of mind?
    for me o, the first thing i look at for a pontential husband is his relationship with God. why? bcs it is only God that will give me and him the money that will not let us go to hellfire!
    although that is not an excuse for a man to say he is a child of God yet have nothing to show for it cs God hates a lazy man. my theory the man must pass the God’s test first coupled with some other tests.lol

  38. illchic84

    March 9, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    Nice one Glory. I really don’t see why anyone would label you or anyone a gold digger for wanting the basics of life from a man i.e a good car, a good job, and a nice home to name a few. Please anybody who would want less than that seriously needs to get their head checked……..i’m just saying.

  39. Grace

    March 9, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Thank you jare…i wonder what will happen if after you married him he lost everything????….then i guess you will leave him??…no wonder men are afraid of women and vice versa….i look for potential in a man and not money but hey money makes life “appear” easy so i don’t blame anybody…..and it depends on what is important to you in life sha

  40. elushi

    March 9, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    Now let me tell you why every woman should b a gold digger.
    I’m a CNA (whoever ever lived in US will know.)I was supposed to b a nurse before I met olu in 2005.He asked me to be his wife right away.All my family members said no!I never listened.I went to live wit him.He had me apply for many credit cards to pay for some of his school fees, for the rent since he wanted to go full time to school. We had my son, whom he will file with at the end of the year to give some credit to his student status he said.This is to tell you i sacrificed a lot hoping things will get better when he graduates. I was a fool. Well he has graduated but we are not together anymore.After all this i feel so low and never again will believe a man. I will always look for myself before anybody else. I rather lean on God than somebody else.

  41. Frieda

    March 9, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    I really love this article, I really do
    Amen to all the things u mentioned!

  42. NaijaCanadian

    March 9, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    Great article Glory…

    I just did an experiment….I quoted Glory on my facebook and as expected, lots of criticisms…One girl even called me an asshole… lol

  43. Omoye

    March 9, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Every lady knows in her heart what is true and what isn’t. A very beautiful, intelligent, homely, diligent and God fearing lady once told me that “I’ll marry a man that is faithful, rather than a man that is wealthy”. I responded: “a faithful husband will bring you so much happiness and true wealth”. Why? Because a marriage where the husband is faithful is an abode of peace of mind and immeasurable wealth that neither gold nor silver can give you. So, “Miss Writer” please go ahead with your approach and marry, being the gold digger you are. In time you’ll realise you actually dug your grave with your hand and that you have just written the inscription on your headstone – Here lies the remains of a gold digger. I hope you will die happy because it’s how we depart from this world that matters

  44. malkia

    March 9, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    very true!
    i am in support of this type of gold-digging..men dig for priceless assests..and hardly give any gold
    to my women-folk,pls dig and dig deep!

  45. malkia

    March 9, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    women shud dig evn deeper…cos men dig for wat is priceless
    lol

  46. Omoye

    March 9, 2010 at 8:41 pm

    Psychologically, it has been proved that those who adorn themselves with silver and gold, right from Herodias and many of the princesses in the oil rich Middle East, so adorn themselves because they are over-compensating for the emotional deficiencies in their marriage. Of course, there are several happy exceptions – thank God. But I am yet to establish whether the “material girl” – including Madonna – got married and lived happily ever after. Again, in spite of what this article and what several editions of the Cosmopolitan tells us, in her heart every woman has a vivid picture of the kind of man she desires to spend the rest of her life with. Hopefully, whatever will bring true and lasting peace from God to the marriage is part of every woman’s prayer.

  47. Neo

    March 9, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    we’re all golddiggers men and women alike, the only difference is we’re digging for different things.

  48. Temi

    March 9, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    Anyone woman who believes that her needs should be wholly met by the man in her lives has clearly not understood the concept of wifehood and should not (in her own interest) be looking to get married soon. Read about the Proverbs 31 woman, that woman was da bomb! Entrepreneur extraordinaire. I believe she was the diadem in the her husband’s crown, that she GAVE him his status. Another famous example of how women are not all gold diggers is Hilary Clinton who stoically declared that whoever she had married (janitor or A-student) would have become the president just by virtue of marrying her. Now these are the types of women I admire. Women who don’t rely on men, women who have a clear sense of their identity, purpose and worth, and yet manage to remain humble. Women who are Gold-givers and not a Gold-diggers…

    And a last word, if you can get the milk without squeezing the cow, why squeeze? If he can get your body for free, why should he marry you? I really think Ekene Onu’s book -The Mrs. Club – is one every Nigerian woman should read.

  49. seanini

    March 9, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    i really feel you on this piece.a must read for every guy.

  50. Darian

    March 9, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    and just because he doesn’t have money doesn’t mean he won’t be abusive; and just because he doesn’t have money doesn’t mean we will be happy. There are happy and unhappy, abusive and abusive marriages on both side of the spectrum.
    Even if he has a relationship with God, if he can’t take care of both of us, it’s not happening. God won’t be giving him money from heaven. We work for our money. If he’s not making the money, it won’t be falling from heaven. Even God says we eat from the fruit of our hands…so….
    Preach on, Glory! and get that man!

  51. TEEKAY

    March 9, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    Keep living in dream land oh “D”—
    Men?
    Men?
    Men?

    I read somewhere sometime ago that the day you remind a man of how much you have done for him/with him,suffered with etc..he would ask you say NA WHO SEND YOU…

    Go and look at statistics…
    It will tell you over and over again that it is more common for a man to feel comfortable being a stingy a** when he KNOWS that he can try it with you..
    It will show that he will expect and demand what he feels is rightly his,even without that ring on your finger..i.e,playing “wifely” duties,while still being a girlfriend..YET for him to act like a MAN and take care of the babe,na story we go dey hear.

    YESSS some women DELIBERATELY chase that cheddar—they would define what makes them happy and if it is ONLY money,they make a conscious and compos mentis decision to take all that comes with it,be it beatings,cheating etc…That’s why we see a lot of women with rich men and people wonder “why is she still with him,when he does this and that to her”

    Then we have those who suffer with the guy–in terms of “understanding” when he claims he doesn’t have that much,they pray,fast,manage what he has(afterall,that is what is expected,and being this way makes them a good girl who understands what her man is going through)
    When the man lands,,,,HOW many of them truely appreciate?
    HOW many?

    I always say that gone are the days of being a mugu o…

    Before i met my man i stated things i wanted and i would NEVER compromise on…
    And one of them was his ability to take care of and provide for me and our kids and maintain a certain standard of living.
    WHY pretend about it?

    My parents gave me a certain standard of life?
    And may God never let me experience the spirit of regression(tufiakwa)
    Aren’t we meant to IMPROVE on that which we already have?

    No man can label me a Gold-digger,i get my OWN money,but him suppose to step up 24/7 and be THE MAN..irrespective of how much i have laying in my account.

    So many times,we women cannot speak for what we TRUELY want for fear of being labelled…YET the men KNOW exactly what they want and never hardly settle for anything less than.

    I won’t do the home maintenance,get f*Cked,look pretty for him and his “people”,carry his babies for 9 months for him to now turn around and say “baby,we going dutch in this life long partnership”.

    GLORY—YOU HAVE DONE WELL…

  52. Anya

    March 9, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    abeg, who orders a £500 bottle of champagne?! hiss. Anyway…I cannot be with someone who is not ambitious because ambition is contagious! A dullard will dull my life too. Having money is good, but if his money is only good for himself then I might as well find me another man – ON TO THE NEXT ONE!

  53. yuri

    March 10, 2010 at 12:51 am

    Maybe all this explains why you are still single..just saying

  54. Jen

    March 10, 2010 at 1:52 am

    Love your comment!

  55. sweetie

    March 10, 2010 at 5:33 am

    teekay , well said sista

  56. fokasibe

    March 10, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Oh Shut up!! She’s just being real!!! Glory….I’m with you on this one!!

  57. fokasibe

    March 10, 2010 at 9:24 am

    Mr D, I hope you don’t wake up cos you’re definitely in la-la land! I wish I could be there for good but Alas!!! EARTH to D: Wake up!! You just landed on planet Kick A**
    Why do people keep fooling themselves? I know of countless (ex)couples who’s stories are the same: Boy meets girl, girl sticks with boy’s broke ass hoping against hope that they’ll make it together and live happily ever after, boy hits the big time and suddenly acquires new tastes for bigger and better…decides girl is no good for him because of new status. My dear, if you want to live in a fantasy, go watch Disney channel on DSTV…its 303 btw!!

  58. fokasibe

    March 10, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Right back at cha Omoye!!

  59. Farida Yesufu

    March 10, 2010 at 10:29 am

    Obviously Glory is not a ‘gold-digger’ so what’s with all the criticism…This is just referring to needing someone who is ambitious and hard-working with something to show 4 it cos a guy might be ambitious n hardworking but at the end of the day, it’s just ‘activity’.

    I tend to agree with everything she said..guys are equally gold diggers only that what women and men refer to as ‘gold’ are different..

  60. Ayodeji

    March 10, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Well said, sistah! Well said! I couldn’t have said it better myself 🙂

  61. fre

    March 10, 2010 at 11:09 am

    yuri, i need 2 know ur reason 4 saying maybe that’s y she’s still single. is it d fact that she’ll supplement d guy’s income or her children should be comfortable.
    these r d things we ALL consciously or unconsciously want and are attracted 2, n now some1 voices out ur thots n desires n she’s d devil.
    if u r attracted 2 a guy, take away certain things n tell me that u wont think twice

  62. woman scorned

    March 10, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Loved this! Last paragrapgh was hilarious!
    As for your ex, he sounds like someone who went from no money to new money and let it get to his head.,you live and you learn.
    Ambition is key. Any one, man or woman, who lacks it is in major hot water..or getting there.

  63. silva

    March 10, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    i love you TEEKAY!!! well said…

  64. Anon

    March 10, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    You are extrapolating falsely. First of all a lot of the women in the middle east adorn themselves as part of culture. secondly, many middle eastern cultures are far more repressive to women than our (African?) cultures today (at least in the cities of Ghana and Nigeria) – and the highest echelons of their society tend to be the most \traditional and repressive – so it could be that they adorn themselves bcos it’s what they do, and that they’re unhappy because of a repressive culture, not because of riches.
    And no one is saying they want to marry a man with riches like Madonna. Asking for a good man with a house and a car is nothing bad. Get over yourselves already – all of this fake piety masks a misunderstanding of the word of God (Proverbs 31 yes, but the man is also the head of his house, a provider) and pompousity because you are writing with airs – “i am better than Glory and those who agree with her because I ask for a god-fearing man first). Fine. The rest of us will ask for a god-fearing man with a house and a car.

  65. Anon

    March 10, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    Overlyy sanctimonious pompous jargon. simple. The same bible also makes a man the head of the house, the provider. “She was the diadem in her husband’s crown: the man already had a golden crown. Abi you want to be a diadem on a paper crown – that is even more ridiculous than a paper crown without a diadem.
    But Bill had his own when Hillary married him – he was already successful and highly educated. And trust me, no matter what she said, if he was neither educated nor successful, he was not going to become president, NO matter if the queen of England herself married him. Get over yourselves already.

  66. illchic84

    March 10, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    SMH. Your story is very sad. I feel for you. I can only imagine what you are going through. How are you holding up boo?

  67. mona

    March 10, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    This messsage i completely disagree, ya we need some financial security, but let me give you my life’s experiences all the good marriages i have seen in life started out humbly, i have some realy rich friends the other day one of them wedded on his first weekend back he was asking the boys to show him where the gals are he says the chic was too boring all she thought about was spend spend spend, he now says never marry a woman just because she is damn good looking his wife now in quite a looker, i have another who says his wife cant even pay bills when he is away yet she also works,
    please the money can bring happiness but belive me it will never sustain a happy marriage if either the chic or guy where in it for just money or beauty, unless if you are one of those who thinks marriage should last just a few yrs like. the other day an uncle of mine was complaning that his kids do badly at school he is like never marry just for beauty look for other things

  68. TEEKAY

    March 10, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    ANON…U go do well my dear…
    Infact if i had a dime for everytime all this bible-bashing over zealous religious types linked everything to the SAME bible they practise SELECTIVE christianity with,i woud be retired on some bad-ass island,sipping cocktails laced with louis Roederers,and dripping in vulgar,eye-sight desructing diamonds.

    As if any one of “them” would marry a guy who only had a degree certificate to his name,still lived with his mama at 35,and was still jumping public transport to the courts to do “charge and bail” in his dirty one nation suit,and battered wig and gown tucked under his arm in the sweltering naija heat.
    *and he has been a graduate for at least 5 years**
    Welcome to the Nigerian reality.

    Hilary Clinton said that anybody she married would have ended up becoming president?
    Really,based on WHAT balance please?
    Is it that she would marry a janitor and he would stay a janitor and then contest for president,watch as i sit on the sides and laugh when he is being torn to shreds.
    OR
    is it that she marries him when they are still on the high school sweetheart moves AND she encourages him to improve on himself,and move up the ladder?

    Because her statement is BS pure and simple.
    If she had married a janitor,better believe her case would be that of “Hilary who????”
    “Oh the educated lady married to the janitor,they so in loveee”

    Look around you,MEN are soooo much smarter in some ways.
    Apart from the rap-thugs and what nots that MTV and co celebrate,and ballers,who marry video “vixens,smartest groupies,waitresses,etc,HOW MANY EDUCATED MEN,WITH FOCUS AND A CLEAR PLAN FOR THEIR LIVES,MARRY JUST ANY WOMAN,OR EVEN DATE THEM?
    Better believe that if that “correct” bobo is checking on you,he has done a mental calculation of how you would fit into his life etc.

    SO WHY CAN WOMEN NOT DO THE SAME?
    WHY DOES THE WOMAN HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO LOWER HER EXPECTATIONS BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE SEEN IN GOOD LIGHT?

    People i know would never do that,they are lawyers married to nurses,doctors married to accountants,entrepreneurs married to engineers,interior decorators married to Pilots etc…
    MEN WHO HAVE AS ANON RIGHTLY SAID,GOLDEN CROWNS,

    It’s not a matter of these women bringing nothing to the table,it’s a matter of the men KNOWING their God ordained duties,their natural duties,WHICH IS TO PROVIDE,,,,A MAN HAS TO,any man that cannot step up to the plate…then to the mufucking left mennn!!

    While dating my partner,i made it clear early on what i was looking for,and i always “stylishly” dropped hints of the type of life i expected,when going out i always looked sooo good that compliments NEVER stopped coming,and when people say “dude you are taking care of tee o”
    I would make it clear that “he has no choice,soup wey sweet and wey must continue to sweet,na money cook am”.
    How can you want a gourmet meal cooked by a michelin rated chef and then pop into mcdonalds to ask them to do that for you?
    E fit work??
    His friends and people might laugh and think whatever,BUT it’s my life and only I,can define HOW i want it to be,what the journey should be like etc.
    I dropped hints as to the type of schools i want for our kids etc….(call me crazy,but i am highly anal about stuff,and literally live by a list)–
    WHY would i want my kids to go to say,british lekki etc and husband believes that ijanikan is the way to go?So as to cut costs??
    WHY?
    YOU THINK I’M JOKING?
    YOU NEVER JAM SOME CRAZY GUYS.

    Me and him actually earn about the same salary less,£4000 on my side,i am educated to a masters degree level,he has a Phd from one of the best universities in the world,in as much as he takes care of 90% of things,and better believe those things are in OUR names,the other 10% i do just because.
    I am an asset to him and he knows that.Is it the networking dinners,the successful investment decisions,the ideas i bring to the table.
    Y’all think he chose me just because i am a pretty face?
    Hell no…
    Men are smart o…don’t try them.
    Once when craze wanted to enter his head,he asked me something and i shot right back that if he was looking for THAT kind of woman,i am sure his mother can hook him up with a very “understanding” village belle”.
    As for me babes,THIS is my life,and i cannot change it just to suit you.
    Take it or leave it.

    Even if i was earning MORE than my partner,HE would still have to be the MAJOR provider.

    His friends who are even single and have the same background as him have specifics in terms of what they want in a woman,and better believe that there are a lot of 40year old single,NEVER married,NO kids,and VERY successful Naija men out there,who are single BECAUSE they would not just settle for ANYTHING.

    AS FOR ME,MY MAN HAS A CROWN THAT WOULD MAKE ELIZABETH TAYLOR GREEN WITH ENVY,AND BETTER BELIEVE I AM THAT DIADEM THAT REQUIRES YOU TO PUT ON YOUR SUNGLASSES AS I SHINE BABY,I SHINE..

    Even showed this article to my colleagues in the office…and they all,except for about 3 people agreed that women need to come correct more often…it saves a lot of hassle.

    ****Sorry for rambling on**

  69. Anon

    March 10, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Just because every ‘successful marriage’ you’ve seen started humbly doesn’t mean starting humbly is a prerequisite. There are millions of marriages you haven’t seen. And obviously your rich friend is neither a faithful man nor a sensible man – why will a faithful man look to cheat and whyy will a sensible man marry someone for looks alone?

    And last I also know many ‘humble marriages’ that are miserable….. so yeah – whatever.

  70. Anon

    March 11, 2010 at 12:08 am

    Preach, girl! And get him! After all, you get what you pray for. Let them pray for just godfearing men. We can pray for men who are godfearing and holding their own financially!

  71. fokasibe

    March 11, 2010 at 8:08 am

    I just love you darling!! You said it ON POINT!

  72. Dith-H-P

    March 11, 2010 at 10:50 am

    “However, in today’s relationships where the woman is already playing wife while she is girlfriend (cooking, cleaning and bedroom duties), I think it’s only fair for the man to start playing husband too.”
    All i can say to that is WORD!!!!
    I love you for this article! U must be a woman after my own heart. lol
    I wrote extensively on this issue recently on my blog as well, so check it when u can.

    http://diths-haute-spot.blogspot.com/2010/02/but-what-exactly-is-gold-digging.html

  73. Dith-H-P

    March 11, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    OMG! So i took time out to read every single comment on this post and i am tempted to say that this is by far one of the most interesting comment sections on bellanaija.

    All I can say is that I am glad some ladies are beginning to wise up and of course the fellas are MAD about that!

    Like Akon rightfully said, “pimping got hard cos hos got smarter. ”

    And as for the rest, please continue 2 leave in denial. I mean calling the author names should be unnecessary if u are so happy with d man u are with abi? Mtschewwwwwwwwwwww

    It is very apparent what a gold digger is but labeling every chick who wants nothing but the best for herself is nothing really but another male- invented-mind- f**kery-scheme/game.

    I wish everyone what they wish themselves really.
    As for me, once bitten, 2ce shy and “Mugu” is a game i vehemently refuse 2 indulge in again. So not fun!!

    End of story!!
    Btw everyone, do checkout my own take on the issue on my blog. Coincidentally, I wrote on d same topic 2wks ago.

    *kisses*

  74. Leidra Lawson

    March 12, 2010 at 12:37 am

    Nothing is wrong with a girl wanting a man that is generous with time, money and gifts. You just have to be balanced and to not go overboard to scare off men. A gold digger seems to have a negative connotation the same as being called a sugar daddy or sugar baby. In the U.S it is very mainstream now with sugar daddy books, dating sties, and TV shows.
    Leidra, Sugar Daddy 101

  75. Nma

    March 12, 2010 at 3:17 am

    LOL! I am Nma and I approve this message!

    I used to have that whole “he’ll value me more if i stick with him and support him when he has nothing” mentality, but sister girl, like u said, loyalty isn’t very common with most men i tell u! So yeah, i woke up from that dream a changed woman!

  76. Nma

    March 12, 2010 at 3:38 am

    what does ur uncle’s kids doing bad in school have to do with the “never marry just for beauty” talk u are yarning? Please, if ur uncle himself is smart, ALL his kids won’t have to be struggling in school….so the iti bolibo issue obviously isn’t just from his beautiful wife. Infact what does ur response even have to do with the article?! Its clear that ms Edozien wasn’t encouraging us to aim towards being a stay at home wife who “shop shop shop” like u put it, and does nothing for herself. She was trying to refute the claim that every woman who seeks financial security or atleast compatibility from a man is not a gold digger since we as women are being scrutinized by men on our looks, housewife abilities etc…. so a woman seeking a tall, dark, handsome, God fearing, financial stable man is not breaking the law!
    Just reread the article please!

  77. Nma

    March 12, 2010 at 3:42 am

    *She was trying to refute the claim that every woman who seeks financial security or atleast compatibility from a man IS a gold digger….

  78. Nma

    March 12, 2010 at 4:12 am

    ride on anon! nonsense and concobility. Talking about “gold-givers not gold-diggers”. Since u (temi) chose to go the bible route please hear this (in caps): “BUT IF ANY PROVIDE NOT FOR HIS OWN, AND SPECIALLY FOR THOSE OF HIS OWN HOUSE, HE HATH DENIED THE FAITH, AND IS WORSE THAT AN INFIDEL” 1 Timothy: 5:8

    Have u heard???? gold-giver ni….gold-digger ko!
    Look, we are all well aware that we shouldnt sit on our butts and do nothing with our lives…personally, i think a lazy woman is a big turnoff….but even with her hardwork and education, she still needs to be well assured of her man’s financial security!

  79. olukofi

    March 12, 2010 at 4:28 am

    every lady has expectation frm her man,so if that is what is she wants so be it.irrespective of what ever you think,a guy is out there ready to meet her expectations and that to her and him is………………….love

  80. Brad Pitt

    March 12, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    “Every man should take pride in being able to afford to take care of his woman” Believe me most men do but those same men do not want to be used. If babes choose to ‘mine’ us and get treated like crap, they shouldn’t sulk. They’re traded their dignity for said gold.

  81. Anon

    March 13, 2010 at 4:10 am

    Ho my God!
    You ask people to be God fearing, and in the same sentence, you turn around predict their downfall, and even go as far as creating inscriptions for their headstones… All because they do not see your point of view (which might not necessarily be the “right” point of view)

    For people who are not well versed in “your religion”, you sure do make it sound attractive. 🙂

    Didn’t you know that “Even love is a client at specsavers”.
    I know my worth as a woman, and I know that I will be an asset to the man lucky to have me. I know this, not because I am full of pride, but because I humble myself, work hard; and leave the rest to God, and so far, he has not let me down.
    I cannot pretend to be someone else… throw away my God given GIFTS, and lower my ambitions, just to make myself more approachable to a man!… MY MAN is someone that respects my ambitions, and contributes positively towards them. HE is someone I look up to and RESPECT greatly…
    WHY? Because he is smart, intelligent (want proof? Check my purse… and my wardrobe :-p… ), and he’s very supportive of me, and that makes me want to work even harder.
    If I’m handling my business, handle yours… And prove to me that you can do what I do… better.

    I apologise for derailing… Omoye… Are you sure you don’t need to take your religion to specsavers too? That a man is God fearing does not mean that he lacks ambition. If he’s trying to make changes in the world, he needs a woman with vision.

  82. Anon

    March 13, 2010 at 4:19 am

    Well Said TeeKay!
    Is it too much to ask for someone who can hold his own next to you ehn?

  83. Glory Edozien

    March 13, 2010 at 10:37 am

    hey, just read thru your blog! Very intresting article….loved the analogy on the kardashians!

  84. miss jones

    March 13, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    omg!!!!!!! this is d best piece i’v read in aeons…it is imperative that a guy asking me out must pass the financial-acid test..o yes!!! all women are gold diggers, except for the very-desperate ones who’d buy men over. proud to be one tho….

  85. Caramel4u

    March 13, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    am learning all the guys i dated in the past where stingy i didnt even realise cos i just thought i was simple, not demanding, i love him for him and not what he gives me bla bla…very foolish me, i even dated a guy for over a year and he never got me tom tom imagine
    and at my age i’ve never had a special valentines cos by the 14 there would have been a split or argument…birthdays included

  86. Friend of Zara

    March 14, 2010 at 4:02 am

    OMOOOO!!!!!! LMAO> gaddamn! i wish i wrote this article. its sooooo hard to swallow but OH SO TRUE! my brothers accuse me of dating “starving artists” but in the same breath…drag me away when a rich 419er comes a-knocking! lol. There’s a fine balance ladies. and we all know. in ur heart u know. That man must be able to give u what is most valuable to him cause he loves u. For the rich ones, its their time and attention. For the struggling brothers…ambition and devotion goes a long way….plus i need to know u’d give me ur last dollar just cause its me, and cause i asked! pere. av been there b4 and i’m not going back! Ladies, Know ur worth! as long as u can hold ur own…know what u want and demand it from urself, from ur guy and from life! No matter how rich i become(and i plan to be VERY wealthy)…i still expect my man to be the primary provider for our family. let my riches sit in a bank account and accumulate intrest…watever. REAL MEN KNOW WASSAP! young boys, keep quoting bible…that psalm 31 woman will smell out ur BS and move on to the next!

    Fabulous read!
    x

  87. Ayodeji

    March 31, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Girl, you just keep rocking. Am in love with you already 🙂 Yes i am a God-fearing, praying woman, but I hold my own financially too. The Bible says men are the head of their homes- in every way that means! If that makes me a gold-digger, I will gladly be one!

  88. U.Dee

    April 10, 2010 at 9:51 pm

    The same goes for men who date us for the looks and other superficial things and expect to have it easy with us. If you’re going to go for that then don’t complain when we want something for tolerating your attentions in return

  89. U.Dee

    April 10, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    I so agree with you, labeling women in derogatory terms like gold digger is a male invented mind f*ck scheme to make us feel bad for wanting something that we should rightfully want. Why should they get everything and expect us to get the scrapes? Then they have the mind to reward the mugus with terms like ‘you’re a virtuous woman’. Talk about the chauvinist’s interpretation of the holy book.

  90. Bruce

    April 27, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    Let’s have a look a look at your hypocrisy.

    “Smart enough to realise that it is important for a man to have his own things and be financially capable of taking care of me and our future children and not be ashamed to let him know that his ability to fulfil those roles impact greatly on our relationship.”

    “So yeah, I agree. There are ‘some’ girls who put the ‘gold’ in gold digger but these are extreme cases. Most regular women folk aren’t walking around like the devil, seeking a man’s money to devour!

    So unless he earns enough to keep you, you won’t be interested.

    This is exactly why men think nearly all women are gold diggers.

  91. Kris

    May 21, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    Theres more to a good relationship than just money. Infact like it were, money can help make our relationship more fulfilling, which money bags alone cant. I dont know whether the author gives thought of any uneventual happening that can lead to loss of all the money , what happens to the relationship? With all due respect to Gloria, even penniless guys deserve to love and be loved. There are also very rich guys who can give you anything you need, the cars, jewels, spending bucks, and all, and treat you like trash, would you be comfortable? My take on this is that you have no bizines being in marriage, get an online adrress where you find guys who need your service and know that they have to pay for it, No one will be hurt. That is a win win for you both, otherwise someone will be hurt one day! You cant enjoy the money when its there and disappear when its gone, youll be digging your own grave, ably said

  92. kumzy

    June 2, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    I agree that it is important that the guy should be financially capable (that does not necessarily mean he has to be mega-rich & we women have to be careful that we don’t become too materialistic when deciding that) but it is more important for him to be God-fearing as well as that is when you both can build the right foundation. And most God-fearing men who are mature will not look for a wife until they are financially capable.
    I believe most people took Glory’s article to the extreme in both directions. I believe the gist is that a man should be financially mature before he starts to look for a wife. If he is still looking for a job, then he should think about how he will take care of his family? In the end, individuals all have freedom of choice and some people are happy marrying a man who is still jobless but they must be willing to drink garri with him & those who want men who are comfortable, dont let that be the only benchmark as a man being financially capable does nt mean that he has all the qualities you should look for in a man

  93. Pizzazz

    June 22, 2010 at 2:00 am

    I love this article even though some may see your articles as being a lil’ bit too chauvinistic, I think you are doing a good job, and really spelling out the words women can never say. I am also for the whole suffer with him theory but sometimes, a girl deserves to be spoiled silly by her man. And if he can’t do that for me then he isn’t man enough.

  94. Me of course

    September 20, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    praying you dont lead your girls off the track..

  95. vee

    May 21, 2011 at 10:31 am

    As much as i hate to sound ridiculous, but the truth cant help but be told. Glory you are right in someway yet you miss the ultimate mark. Relationships should not be built on ‘materials’ rather on ‘virtues’. i have lots and lots of scenerios to prove your hilarious theory wrong but yet no woman wants to be on the other side. personally i do no not go out looking for ‘gold mines’ to dig yet a man of responsibility need not be told that he has an obligation to look out for his woman to keep her respect. We are all humans and no one gets accustomed to ‘poverty’ yet ‘money’ is not all that matters. and according to prov 18:22…. he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing… we are tickets to their financial breakthrough so why hope to dig when we carry the ‘mine’?. Ladies lets change our perspective on this… we need a revolution

  96. Cknaija

    May 24, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    Lots of my lady froends find it offensive when i quote the comment about all women being gold diggers 🙂 i do it to get under their skin, been looking for your article ever since and i cant wait to blog about it although you have valid points i do take it as an insult on ladies to be classified as gold diggers, not all women are, and in all fairness i get turned off by such, a woman that demands than one that is independent, then it is also true that certain men are also gold diggers but before praising this article, it would be nice if you could read up similar articles i have also shared on my blog as a counter, perhaps we could salvage this unhealthy materialistic relationships

    cknaija.wordpress.com/2012/09/07/three-categories-of-women-by-akin-al-ameen/ Also check out this cknaija.wordpress.com/2013/05/05/rich-man-reply-to-pretty-lady-seeking-him/

  97. MsPrettyLThings

    February 9, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    Nicely written

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