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All Single Men Stand Up!

Glory Edozien

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Ever since I started writing, all my friends have tried to give me suggestions on what to write about. Any little thing that happens they call and say, “Glory you must write about this”! My response is usually a polite decline or an “I’ll think about it”. But the recent events of the last couple of months have prompted me to speak out….

I say this with the deepest regard for all the single men folk out there….but I must ask…PLEASE WHERE ARE ALL THE SINGLE MEN??? Like where are they? Are they hiding? Are they lost? Have they been kidnapped? Do we have to draw them a map that leads straight to the land of single women? As in…its all getting a bit ridiculous! Majority of Nigerian Cities (and elsewhere I’d imagine) seem to be littered with single women and no single men. Or let me rephrase that slightly, there are single men but they don’t seem to be interested in meeting the single women.

I remember the good old days when my female friends and I would go out for a meal and come back with two men each having asked for our numbers! These days you are lucky if the bar man even notices you. The terrain has indeed changed. Now you go for parties and all the men are huddled in one corner and so are the women, the women eyeing up the men and the men discussing football, completely uninterested in the women. Chai! What really is going on?

It is indeed worrying. More worrying is the effect this is having on single women. A very good friend of mine moved back to Lagos from the States, about a year ago and in a bid to re-enter the Lagos social scene has been meeting up at various events with her old friends, me included. Now this particular friend of mine (let us call her Temi) is one of the hottest girls on the planet….like Halle Berry ain’t got nothing on her! She is one of those girls any man could easily stare at for hours without getting tried. And not to sound too cheesy, but she is surprisingly just as beautiful inside as she is on the outside. So you can imagine my complete and utter confusion when after we attended what I assumed to be quite a fun party last Saturday, she turned to me in the car and asked “Glory is there something wrong with me?” At first I thought she was referring to her make up but the look in her eyes told me she meant something entirely different. “Wrong with you… in what way”? I asked. “I have been in Lagos now for over a year and I can’t seem to meet a decent guy. I only seem to attract married men or guys in relationships. She replied. Take today for example, no guy came to talk to me, not even one! Is there something wrong with me? Am I ugly? She asked with a pained expression on her face. I was actually quite shocked. I couldn’t imagine someone like Temi would have any sort of problems meeting guys, in fact I thought her problem would be the exact opposite. But what worried me the most was that she equated her single status with being ugly.

On the other hand, my male friends who moved back to Lagos around the same time as Temi can’t seem to get women off their backs. Tunde, who coincidentally is Temi’s brother, is always complaining about how Lagos girls no longer let men chase them. The other day he was telling Temi and I about a girl who had approached him at a bar, took his number and called him the very next day offering to take him out for drinks and pay. I guess if the mountain doesn’t go to Mohammed, Mohammed will just have to go to that mountain.

So is this the alternative, remain single forever or chase the men yourself? What ever happened to men being the hunters and all that? Why can’t single men just chase the single women, so we can all get married and call it a day? Why this unnecessary complication? Really, why? Unfortunately, I don’t have any of the answers but I would really like to understand this from a male point of view.

So can all the single men please stand up so we can see you and understand your resistance? Why do you seemingly prefer the company of your male counterparts when you are surrounded by beautiful women? What exactly are we doing wrong? Also any advice for my friend Temi would be gratefully received. Many thanks! 🙂

Photo credits: 123RF

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are https://www.canadianmeds4u.com/category/buy-antibiotics-online/ more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

132 Comments

  1. bibi

    May 7, 2010 at 11:48 am

    yes oooooooo. where r d single men,….

  2. joicee

    May 7, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    Why can’t single men just chase the single women, so we can all get married and then call it a day—Classic!

  3. Kunbistic

    May 7, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    Glory – my sista i don tire…na the same thing me and my girls they experience in Europe o!!! Too much demand – barely any supply.

    But I refuse to chase man – olorun maje!!! I like change but certain things should stay the same like man chase woman joh (plus me i get phobia of rejection…my pride too high for that mess)…. but i understand why some girls do – as in na condition make crayfish bend now….but some of them need to learn to do it in more subtle

    Anyhow God will like to help us with this situation…..Me and my Mum’s Bisi Olatilo showcased wedding is looking very unlikely with this recession of ” correct man dem”!!

    • lola

      April 2, 2011 at 3:03 am

      LOL….I KNOW O MY SISTA…..no come b only naija now o, even offshore sef!!!

  4. FirstIWantToDanceWithYouPere

    May 7, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    desperately chasing a man in our Naija society is a NO NO.If i could,
    i would chase a guy if no one would deem me a cheap girl later on.
    There are no rules or formulas to all this single men, single women crap!!!
    In due time o jare………

  5. Kunbistic

    May 7, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    ***i mean that the girls who do feel the need to chase should do it in more subtle and unvulgar ways

  6. Ann6T

    May 7, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Hi Glory..nice write up u’ve got here…weldone.

    First of all….the problem with the single ladies is that they do not want
    broke-asses(pardon me) around them, and it so happens that it is the
    broke-asses that make themselves available.The rich single guys are not ready to
    settle down,thus they play around.Now, these broke guys have seen the true
    colours of d single ladies so they’re going for sugar mummies so that they won’t
    have to suffer in life oh.
    That is why single ladies are crying out in churches and coming out when an
    altar call is made…I also heard from a male friend of mine
    that single ladies are full of pride and that scares guys away from them.

    So should we put all the blame on the single men?…let’s have a rethink

    About your friend…If Halle Berry’s got nothing on her..men she must be extremely
    hot.Buh if she complains that no one is looking her way,she better pray,coz I know
    that covering casts/veils exist(in the spirit realm).Let her go down on her knees
    and pray and God definitely will answer her.

    🙂 🙂

  7. B

    May 7, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    To the ladies: “enjoy your own company! When the men are tired and bored they will resume with the chase”

  8. Legend

    May 7, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Glory et al, it’s simple: There are single men out there who are genuine and
    have potential, but (and I generalize here) women, especially Lagos women
    tend to only for the rich and powerful guys that drive BMWs. You can either pick
    rich guys that are dogs, or not-so-rich guys that are honest. The choice is yours!

  9. Mimi

    May 7, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    * @B WORD!!! Women sh try 2 enjoy their company and not wait for men to make things happen for them. I know 4 sure dat guys always come around.xx

  10. pinky

    May 7, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Its funny how my boyfriend’s single friends also complain that there are no
    good women in lagos… Too many girls doing aristo on saturday night and then
    rushing to church on Sunday morning to pray for a husband… Just saying…

    • lola

      October 5, 2010 at 9:51 am

      lol

  11. Jade82

    May 7, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    I agree with B and Mimi….these men will always come around. When they see that person no send their side dem dey always try find there way back.
    As for me in NYC, we face the same thing where commitment is a huge problem for them. They prefer no strings attached, and off course there are women that like that kind of deal. So I think and say if a man can get what he wants without a commitment why would they…..I just pray God directs the serious ones to all of us single ladies.
    Most of them are single that is the annoying part, so it makes one wonder.
    All I can say ladies is enjoy ur own company, and be open to meet people. Don’t be too picky but have the qualities you want in a man in ur head so you can decide to go on a date or not.

  12. The Man

    May 7, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Not trying to sound overly arrogant or chauvinistic, the only reason most guys wouldn’t approach a woman up front is if she puts up a major front or acts stuck up (as most of our Lagos women do, huddled in their large cliques).

    I’m just saying, a woman who’s looking for a man should make herself approachable -not easy.

    • The Lady. :)

      November 1, 2015 at 10:14 am

      True, but some ladies (such as moi) are approachable and still guys prefer the lady to chase them or walk up to them first (NOT such as moi) lol. Just saying. Most men nowadays feel like they’re the lottery ticket. Ladies! You are the trophy (well, I know I am) and if he wants to be a winner, make him cross the finish line. The Lady.

  13. toya fisher

    May 7, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    tank u glory for this artilce, uve just voiced wat i have been thinking and goin tru for awhile…as jus returned from england as well and i find tat the only pple tat show any form of interest are married or about to be…and to make matters worse i have pple telling me, tat i should get invloved and get maried, like there is a particuler shop or place wer the lads hang out…this is nothing to do wit looking for some guys whose loaded and resides in a particular place, its about meeting someone who males u laugh and u guys connect…im so done worrying bout these things im comfortable just doing things tat make me happy, going to the movies, shopping and hangin out wit the gals..

  14. besh

    May 7, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    wellI am single and am wondering where all the single ladies have gone to. I think most single men are either running away from commitment, the recession is biting at them or they have started thinking differently-ladies cost money. I was discussion with 2 guys last week and first said “let go meet 3 single ladies,2nd guy said if they are paying to meet them why not, but spending any money on them o. You know most you ladies don’t seems understand recession, the dates, the gifts and gigs cost money, most men I know want business opportunities, flings and money, not another drain in their pockets clamouring for marraige.

    Maybe 2010 might be a better year for single ladies just for the economy to improve…lol

  15. Jaycee (E.A)

    May 7, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    What B said…I cosign.

  16. D.O.T.M.H.

    May 7, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    I agree with The Man. Sitting in cliques could be quite intimidating for men but then again, sitting alone looks kind of desperate. and then the rich/almost rich/wannabe rich guys don’t seem to attend the same parties or go to the same clubs as the average girls. Instead, they organise their own private parties at their homes or private beaches and “organise” girls to entertain them. They do not seem eager to settle down cos that’s like an end to the all the fun. my advise to the single ladies is “do not despise a man with humble beginnings.” Those rich, young men (esp those who just hit money due to a contract with schlumberger or sumthing) wouldn’t be that eager to settle down just yet. There are single men around, it just depends on the class u have in mind.

  17. Rimzy

    May 7, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    This is not even my problem as i am deeply buried in schoolwork and books, hehe,
    but i think that the men are getting more intimidated, haba, all the girls are going to school
    bagging Masters Degrees, and doctorates, becoming lawyers and doctors, and so if
    a guy cant step up to the plate how will he approach the girl now? Ah, i think the ladies are
    aspiring to greater heights and they expect the men to do the same too… This is what
    i have observed it might be just a little observation though, as for where i am studying at, the
    Naija guys here are completely a waste of time.

  18. bimbim

    May 7, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    It is juts one big triangle. Like my aunty will say, its recycling n not using d recycled product. Its simply wanti wanti…nor geti geti… Eventually sounds like forever, but eventually men will chase women n women will agree n d world will make sense.

  19. Molicious

    May 7, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    I agree with the person that said in due time, it almost seems like we chase things we’re not ready for. I do agree with attracting married men, I live in a cold village oversees and all I attract is married men which irks me but I don’t blame them sha, one girl allowed them at some point and the idiots think they can try it with every girl.
    1. We all want to get married but we really need to check ourselves and attitudes and see if we’re ready to face the challenges of tolerating someone else for the rest of our life.
    2. If women are chasing men, why should they bother right, but guys aren’t stupid either, when they want to settle, they’ll find the ones that aren’t doing the chasing if they’re not stuck, if you know what I mean.
    3. I think we really need to re valuate our concept of what dating should be. Dating is a time for people to get to know each other, to talk and to find out if they’re on the same page or at least if they will be on the same page at some point in the relationship. Gifts and such are nice and desirable but it’s not the point of dating someone. I think most guys have it confused that all girls expect you to constantly buy gifts and live large or maybe it’s girls that have portrayed it so, either way, if you let a chic know you real status and she wants you to live beyond your means then you u-turn. guys too like too much effizy. FYI guys, not all girls are looking for fairy tales, some of us live on earth and want to communicate with you so that we can maybe get married and call it a day 

    That was long, back to work…..

  20. Doll

    May 7, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    [email protected] besh..true talk but i think the females are willing to go dutch sometimes! so the recession should not put of single men…happy hunting!

  21. lovely

    May 7, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Really where are the single men… hiding of cos, like most pple said not ready to make a commitment… But, I have a different opinion some men are just downright lazy… Women most especially the single ladies are taking the front seats… meaning, majority of us are getting educated going as far as getting a PHD. Some get their masters; some just get a BSC and run a very good business… So are we suggesting that these ladies just settle down with just anybody in a desperate need to settle down and have kids…? Well to me, most of the guys get intimidated knowing that a lady, they have interest in, has acquired so much…… On the other hand, single men these days don’t want to work, everyone of them keep waiting around for a contract, or they would tell you they are into the entertainment industry managing some artist you have no idea about, or doing a business that is bringing no profit… So are you saying out of desperation you will settle with such a person… And then you have the career driven guys, they will eventually settle down but not right now, what they fail to realize is that there is no time on our side as females, because our biological clock is ticking, to them they believe getting into a relationship might distract them from future plans!! That said, I would encourage my career driven ladies keep doing you Enjoy your singlehood, go out, have fun, position yourself in the right place at the right time.. Don’t get discouraged…

  22. ForeverYoung

    May 7, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    Funny thing is, the scene has always been this way, only that now it becomes more apparent to you and your friends cos you r seriously searching.
    Years ago am sure, even if you got asked out a lot , there would still have been times when you didnt get asked out at all, but then you didnt care if u got asked out or not, cos you were still young and u had ur life ahead of you,u wud think, enough potentials.
    Meeting men are seasonal, there will be a season when u will meet 10 guys at a time, u wud b double-checking urself dey wonder if na jazz u dey use,e go be like say ur flavor get honey/spice, u go begin think say na u be the only babe for town. And there will be a season of “dry-spell”, none will come at all , abeg wait for ur season. If you cant wait for ur season, make do with the “e-get-as-e-be” ones but warning tho, if/after u marry ur “e-get-as-e-be”, and ur season comes,you wont be able to harvest “the-real-deal”, na so life be, but no worries u go born pikin and dem go console u…..

    • Toun

      November 23, 2010 at 2:38 am

      mehn, i soooo agree with you about the season thing o!! Infact ehn! there are times when i don’t make a single effort whatsoever and there they are… men pouring out from every corner! and the irony of it is, it is when i try to make an extra effort to look nice that they don’t even give me the time of the day!!! There’s really no winning with guys (sigh)

  23. arise

    May 7, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    I agree with Rimzy, the guys where I’m at are a COMPLETE waste of time!

  24. fifi

    May 7, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    I agree the recession plays a major role in single guys being scarce, we all agree we girls cost money. But I also think guys actually believe der r no gud girls out der so wots d point. Most guys c all girls as prostitutes and it’s not undue to most girls actualy acting as such.

  25. Berry

    May 7, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Hmmm, girls, that men out there who seem to make moves on us girls are either married or about to be is an understatement! It actually is scary!!! It has been that way and sadly will always be.

    But how come almost all event centres are in use every saturday as a result of one wedding or the other? Also these event planners have their calenders full all year through with wedding?

    Truth be told, therez a man out there for us all. If u cant feel him, then faith him girls! God said we should go into the world and mulitply and therez no one left outta that equation.

    HE WILL COME, DONT WORRY!

  26. Mafaba

    May 7, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    I believe all that’s happening is logical. I do remember the days when guys never really enjoyed the company of other guys, but the so called “single ladies” drove us all to it. they are all over the place with their girlfriends, ignoring we guys and making us look more of a ‘fool’ when we approach them by playing hard to get and saying (in their own words) “am just using him to catch trips”. Now they are being paid back in their own coins and here they are complaining, You (Single ladies) stay with your girlfriends and we (single men) stay with the guys networking and talking about football.

    So many stuffs to write about and probably a reply to this article if am permitted.

    (Just for jokes) A friend of mine said “when God created Adam, he joined him with Eve but nowadays, Adam is being joined with Steve”

  27. Orikinla Osinachi

    May 7, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    I left Lagos in 2005 and returned in 2008 and discovered that most of the single men now preferred chasing English Premier League and Champions League than chasing babes.
    Many women are lonely.

    The downturn in the economy is also discouraging single guys from dating.
    Many young male graduates are jobless and cannot pay bills and are scared of dating.

    I have a younger friend who is brilliant and very good looking and has a bright future. But the young lady he loves left him for the son of a millionaiire who has a brighter future.

    The fault is not with the single Nigerian men, but with the single Nigerian women. They MUST STOP BEING MATERIAL GIRLS and HUMBLE THEMSELVES to share the burden of relationship with the men. There is no romance without finance. It is safer to keep women at a safe distance than to ask them out and be embarrassed when you cannot afford their vanities.
    Most of the so called single babes in town want to play Big Girls who prefer to go out with Big Boys with deep pockets, but unfortunately the few Big Boys are not enough to go round.
    They forget that the Big Boys of today were the Small Boys of yesterday.

  28. mie mie

    May 7, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    lol @“e-get-as-e-be” .. hehehe

  29. Zee

    May 7, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    The time we stop worrying and thinking about how to meet this single men is when they come around, agree with alot of the ladies here, Its important to be approchable and keep an open mind, and hopefully the right one comes along, but for my ladies who like to front..(iya le ma ba ni be) At the end of the day, you know deep within yourself you want a “MAN”so “Why Front”…..

    Lets all keep and open mind and spend alot of time being comfortable in who we are and know how to be happy without a man!!!

  30. V-gal

    May 7, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    Glory when you find the answer to that question let me know.

    seriously where are all the single (well to do)guys?

    With my smartness i can’t answer that question. Everyone can come up with theories but i doubt if there’s an answer
    Most of my attached girlfriends say you got too much expectation but If i take out the time to develop myself mentally,spiritually,emotionally and financially how is wanting to be with a guy that does thesame too much to ask for?

    Ladies let us pray hard..its not even funny no more

  31. Nneka

    May 7, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    LOL LOL at Mafaba, my colleague actually just said the same quote on “Adam and Steve”! Times have truuullyyy changed.lol.

    *Yawns* You ladies should stop whinning here jere. Not saying these are not facts. But do this intend: Expand your options and stop hoping to be the next “Island big boy’s’ GF. Seriously. I honestly think ladies see a scarcity cos they are all chasing THE SAME MEN! Even worse is the dense belief that Nigerian men are the ish. Abeg make them go sidon jere. Be open to dating outside your race but if you are stuck on the ‘nigerian-men-only-fever’ and are here whinning about the scarcity of men, sorry sister, you don’t have my sympathy. BTW Ghanians ROCK! *hint hint* That’s as close to home as you could possibly get.

  32. Dapo

    May 7, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    IMHO the problem is that chics are always comparing, they’ll compare you to their ex, some other guy or even themselves! They’ll compare GPAs, jobs, phones, cars, and a whole bunch of shit that shouldn’t matter if one is genuinely looking for a long lasting emotional connection. That’s just my 2 cents. Nice article, thanks for the eye opener.

  33. i ainst saying i'm a goldigga but i aint messing with no broke nigga!

    May 7, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    I dont think there is anything wrong with a girl wanting to marry a rich man. Ppl have different aspirations and some if us dont want to start from scratch that doesnt make us gold diggers. The fact is that most women here that claim not to be able to attract single men are more than likely 26 and above. The truth is that the men u are looking for who are probably 30-35 are attracted to the younger girls. The fresh babes on the block. And for affluent families the new babes that have finished uni and have come back for NYSC. I think the best time to get a man is when u are 21-25 after that u’re putting yourself in a difficult situation. Men will always like the younger ones…ur prime may have already past.

  34. chinnyn

    May 7, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    lmao if ur lookin 4 a husband biko go n live in d village o cos dts wat naija men do dis days, dey go to d village n luk 4 virgins.

  35. inspector gadget

    May 7, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    I would say the single ladies should enjoy their time until the right person comes along … But for real though, I have a few friends who are searching but the men are no where to be found…

  36. oju

    May 7, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    Im not a guy but i think the problem these days with single ladies is that they don’t look single at all! Most Lagos girls are always dressed to impress, carrying some mighty bag on their arm and sometimes even wearing big ass rings on all fingers…so when a single guy sees you, he doesnt knw what to think, he finds himself assuming that you must not be single with the way you make urself out to look and then he shrugs and says…’lucky guy'(referring to the guy he thinks u r dating. I met my fiancée in school and I bet a million bucks that if he saw me say in a bar in Lekki, we probably would have never ended up together well that’s only if he could successfully resist these eyes of mine…lol. Well i think Single ladies these days are intimidating and unless a guy really really wants to settle down, he can’t be bothered to deal with the stress he perceives he will deal with.

  37. Miss Natural

    May 8, 2010 at 2:14 am

    Glory i just love your writeups, anytime you write I am so excited to read. You hit the nail on the head, there seem to be so many decent, and beautiful single women but no offers. The only offers are from unserious people…im with you on this one, I have no solution but sitting on the fence and watching.

  38. Funmie Aladeseyi

    May 8, 2010 at 2:31 am

    I could not wait to start reading this once i started…. lol. So so true, where d heck are d single men? YEs i do remember going out with ma gals years ago and coming back home with gists about guys but naw??? abeg single guyz make una step up o.
    Great Job Glory

  39. carol

    May 8, 2010 at 8:37 am

    like jordin sparks sang, ladies and gentlemen take one step at a time. thers no need to rush. its like learning to fly. its gonna happen when its suppose to happen.

  40. Tosin

    May 8, 2010 at 11:24 am

    OK, I’m a girl oh, as in I have boobs. But here’s my guy’s perspective: Mohammed should go to the mountain. You know those poetry readings and like artsy events in Lagos, lots of awesome sensitive guys.
    If I was a guy, I wouldn’t want to marry someone who didn’t share interests. So have a life, have some interests, and you’ll meet the guys. And if you don’t share interests, I don’t see why you want to live with them. Just get a sperm donor, lol, if it’s child that is doing you.

  41. Tosin

    May 8, 2010 at 11:31 am

    I agree totally with comments 26. and 27.
    Girls who like football have no shortage of guys who really really like them.
    And why do girls go out in packs? How does a guy get to talk to you when you’re all so fabulous and intimidating? You expect him to walk up to the whole pack of you? I don’t know o.

  42. JESSY

    May 8, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    there re single men out dere…..i belive comin into dis world is not a vain unless u allow it 2 b a vain….. cus God has created a partner for u…i think ur friend is too selective lookin 4 a good lookin guy or some one wit money ………she has 2 understd dis life guess she chased d rite person away or she is just in a hurry and not bein patience bcus an ugly person still end up gettin married bcus surely dey ve a partner

  43. jessicab

    May 8, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    i am a single lady i ve gotten my degree …still tryin 2 achieve more in life ….i know wat i want ….won’t like 2 end up wit a guy dat doesn’t ve a future . Anytime i leave d house i must surely meet a guy but not my taste either he isn’t good lookin, he hasn’ got a degree, etc. and dey re all single ….while d good lookin guys re either married or ve a girlfriend ……..am little bit scared dat i might end up single tho i still have hope of meetin my taste one day…..can’t help bein too selective becus some guys re not just it at all

  44. tokunboh

    May 8, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    This is deep. First point – the kind of guys single ladies desire, are in short supply (like 1 to 100) cos the bulk average of single men are unemployed, broke or both i.e. not eligible! (Don’t blame us)

    Point 2 – these “less privileged” do not roll in your circles consequently you don’t get to meet them, talk less of having “pity” on them – lol

    Point 3 – the new breed of men don’t have enough “liver” to meet the single girls, why? we all grew up watching Mtv, Hollywood movies, playing play station, not to mention football and browsing d internet that we’ve lost the good old “chic meeting skills” because we forgot to learn it!

    Point 4 – guys make assumptions based on the appearance of a girl (ladies take down some notes)
    Very pretty, well dressed sister – [assumption] – she must have a capable boyfriend
    Average looks, killer outfit – [assumption] – she must cost too much
    Girls in groups – [assumption] – They‘ll embarrass me if I show my face up there!
    Etc…

  45. Blackknight

    May 8, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    It’s so hard to find ladies with the combination of intellectual brilliance, practical judgment, humility and decency in today’s world.I guess that’s why am still single…….Need me some smart sister.

  46. Nice Anon

    May 8, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    Women with intellectual brilliance,practical judgment, humility and decency
    are plenty out there. The very least cannot be said about men. There are plenty
    of single men. Whether or not they are date-able material is a different story.

  47. Femi

    May 8, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    There are single guys out there but a lot of ladies nowadays are totally immature in handling guys. Imagine calling a single lady that u are interested in and she totally ignores your calls. Is that playing hard to get or being ridiculously childish? We need more mature single ladies not the pretenders out there. Simple.

    By the way tho, I wouldn’t mind having a chat with ‘Temi’. Am no weirdo tho, just a regular guy. You got ma mail.

  48. Nadia

    May 8, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    Does anyone here knows if Jide Adenuga is seeing anyone?

  49. Aribaba

    May 9, 2010 at 2:27 am

    I think it’s simple. There are more single women than available single men, so
    the men get lax and feel like they don’t have to chase cos there’s less
    competition.

  50. Funmi

    May 9, 2010 at 3:38 am

    Get ya self some syberian fluffly pillows to keep warm
    Some extra batteries and some good vibrator
    And call it a day – sometimes these men aint
    worth a dime – all this stress for 5 mins in bed.
    I will not feel worthless just cos men are not approaching
    I have 5 brothers and i hear them when they talk
    They know for a fact the women outnumber them and thus
    believe they are the creme of the crop on this planet and thus will just play with us
    cos we come a dime a dozen. You should see how women fight over my brothers
    yes they are handsome (very handsome) but all Foolish to me
    I strongly be;ieve one day the tables will turn and the men will outnumber us
    AND B4 I FINISH MY ADVICE TO BLACK WOMEN ACROSS THE GLOBE
    DATE OUTSIDE YA RACE, NOT ALL NON BLACK MEN HAVE SMALL
    D**KS, Its worse here in america. I know many guys who respected
    and will go out of their way to chase and court women, they get to USA
    and they have completely changed cos the p****y is handed to them
    free on a silver plater so if they ask u african girl once at a party
    to dance and you say your feet is tired, u best believe they not coming back.

    At this point i dont care anymore, i stressed over it (and my friends too)
    for many years and now i dont care. I am strong believer to think if you dont invest
    and am not talking financial ina relationship and think just cos you are a man
    and women outnumber men u r simply going to play with womens emotions
    do all that mind ggame bulls it cos u got other women lined up. May GOd punish you
    and may u end up with the wrong woman

    So lately when i see a man getting wahala from a wife and he is not happy at home
    i dont jump to conclusions at all – all i say is probably they were many good
    girls who liked him and he thought he was kingkong so playing mini mini
    miny mo – so whatever they are getting they deserve it.

    • Yomi

      September 2, 2010 at 2:44 pm

      Haha, easy now sister funmi, Vibrator shewa je? U shouldn’t even be thinking that way, are men that bad out there? And am sure for you to be talking like this, you would have experienced some disappointments innit?. Just be cool and be yourself the real one will surely some ur way. I feel U.

  51. Funmi

    May 9, 2010 at 3:54 am

    and one more thing – to the most ladies stop looking at corporate guys
    give blue collar workers or ugly a chance sometime – they give better heads.

    i believe in giving guys with potential a chance like Michelle Obama
    gave Barack a chance and ended in the white house
    When President Obama met MIchelle he had holes in his shoes
    and Michelle was way up the corporate ladder and gave him
    a job – she dated him cos she saw potential in him. Michelle is my role model

    They are many african guys with no papers in america trying to make a dollar
    out of 15 cents doing cabbing or security guard at a company
    just like Glo Owner Adenuga did – those are the type of guys am looking
    at now cos I have an MBA and i guarantee u most of the guys I met
    at the national black mba conference are nothign but conceited jerks.
    So ladies give blue collar workers a chance so far as he has potential
    I have 35 yr old single friends who refuse to date a guy cos they guy is not a
    good dresser – how shallow and stupid is that – you can change the way
    he dresses by buying him those cuff links and thomas pink shirt
    so dont base ya decision on such stupid immature stuff.

  52. Titi

    May 9, 2010 at 10:22 am

    Nadia, you can’t get Jide with that kind of English.

  53. Nina

    May 9, 2010 at 11:27 am

    This article really hit home for me especially in reference to ur beautiful friend. Not tooting my own horn or anything but Im an attractive woman, very well educated, well spoken etc. I take pride in the things that I am so obviously its okay for me to expect the same or similar qualities in a man.

    Now, in jand these days all the “quality” guys are either already married, engaged or with someone. However they are still busy chasing single women anyhow. Of course I have no interest whatsoever in someone else’s property so unfortunately I’ve remained single for over a year.

    Then I meet this really hot guy who ticks all the boxes so I think to myself okay let me try this whole “independent woman” thing i.e. make subtle but clear advances to show that I am interested. That shit bit me in the ass BIG TIME! He stood me up three times. Yes you heard me right THREE times, so lets just say I will never in my life approach a guy again no matter how much Im attracted to him. Its a man’s role to chase so taking that away from him by doing the chasing yourself automatically brands you “cheap” or even “desperate”

    If he really wants you, he will chase you. SIMPLE! Only God knows what I will do if I bump into him in a social setting. Embarassment will probably give me a heart attack. Can u just imagine what he’s probably discussed with his friends? Never again

  54. boom boom pow

    May 9, 2010 at 11:48 am

    ITK(not I in this case…you too know) correcter must the the worst!

  55. kdxxl

    May 9, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    [email protected] Titi..
    seriously though, most ppl (especially parents) make it sound like there’s a specific place you can get these ELIGIBLE bachelors.
    I had to tell my mom at some point that if she finds somebody for me, she should bring him for me to marry.

    I’m a firm believer in ‘he who finds a wife…not she, HE! So call me old fashioned, but i aint chasing after no man.
    There are a million and one subtle ways of making a man know you’re available without actuay asking him out and this has worked for me thus far.

    The period between when i finished school and got married were trying times indeed; I did not meet any reasonable and intelligent man.
    They were all either married (secrety and openly) , out for a roll in the hay, extremely conceited or seriously broke!

    Abeg, wherever they are hiding, I wish them all the best. in the interim ladies, make yourselves approachable, hang out with family and friends,
    try not to think about it and pray that IN DUE time, they will come.

  56. Blackknight

    May 9, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    We want our Michelle Obama….Smart,decent,humble,intellectually stimulating,sense of spirituality with a good sense of humor.I think it’s sexy when a woman can teach us something.She doesn’t have to bring us the moon to show us she cares,and we don’t expect her to do anything unrealistic…..Just believing in us and seeing beyond today.If you are there,Holla!

  57. Titi

    May 9, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    LOL @Whoever called me ITK, don’t mind me. I just couldn’t resist the urge to be a bit nasty today.

  58. Funmi

    May 9, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    i truly like this topic – i got so many stories to tell.
    My experiences i see is so similar to so many ppl as i read here
    “Stood up 3 times” u say – hm i could write a book on that ish
    Dont make any of ya girlfriends make u believe ya clock is ticking so its ok
    to chase after a man i guarantee u – it wll be short lived. why do u think
    Hallr Berrys 2 marriages ended cos at the end of the day SHE WAS THE ONE
    WHO INITIALLY PURSUED DAVID and ERIC so right of the bat eventhough the married her, all these relationships ended (although my friend thnks she got the curse of the pretty woman syndrome which is she is not a good lay as much as most UGLY girls are blessed with – is this a myth or a fact – me i dont know).

    I am a strong believer that the man will come when u r not looking or focusing – when u least expect. So get on with ya life and dont worry just keep praying and if its any consolation single women are now majority – so the problem is not you – its just an epidemic.

  59. banke

    May 9, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    [email protected] Titi!! i wonder if he is actually single though? he is a hottie…All the Lagos girls are probably on his case sha..

  60. olaniyi

    May 9, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    the truth is men are getting to understand women and how attraction works a little better than
    than they used to…when you chase a woman she puts up fences etc…but when you
    are cocky, funny, and hard to get…she suddenly cant fathom why…everything becomes
    really so easy from that point on…
    The second really is what i believe is the modern woman’s independence…men like to
    know they are in-charge(even if we are most times not..lol)…and with women becoming
    more like men…its becoming a little boring…

  61. kim

    May 9, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    Nadia what is your business tho! see naij girls sha…looking for who to go and trap..lol

  62. Nadia

    May 9, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Ahn…Ahn na wa o!The boy is fine nah…Abeg is he single or NOT?

  63. Shally

    May 9, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    @Relentless Nadia,from themsay gist… ..he is single and very active..lol

  64. sitting pretty

    May 9, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    All of you already plotting how to upstage Bella’s wedding lol. Good luck.

  65. Miss Lawunmi

    May 9, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    Shally, very active as in what? Expatiate o!

  66. stephanie

    May 9, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    honestly i am a lady and what i am about to say is the plain old truth that hurts everyone;1) first impression matters a whole lot in life.anytime im in lagos i feel bad cuz of d way d ladies portray themselves, the tats, smoking nd drinking, not that i dont have tattooes, i do but when i wear clothes i cover them up.and i dnt smoke a pack of cigarrettes per one minute….even when u see some of them doing it u can see they are forming just to look like a “big babe”.nd honestly men dont like seeing women doing things like that or drinking 7 bottles of star, not ladylike at all nd immediately they see u like that they assume less of u, take u as an “aristo”. 2) ladies all over dont like to suffer with their men (including me lol) we all want the “ready made” kind of guy the one with the job, nice house in lekki, rangerover or beamer, who wears the nice ray bans and works in shell…..cmon all fingers are not equal nd nobody can get what they want in life.im saying all of this cuz i used to judge ppl by what they had nd was very materialistic but now trust me i have learned better.if ladies can change their ways, theres no way any man wount come ur way ugly or beautiful.i have said my piece……..

  67. Maame

    May 10, 2010 at 12:20 am

    lets smile more and to everyone – dont judge ppl. I once dated a guy but long
    distance broke us up (2 continents) – everyone told i was beautiful and stunning
    but i always looked too serious and hardly smiled so guys find it intimidating to
    approach.

    i started to smile more (NOT grin my teeth like a mumu every minute but smiled and flirted a lot with my beautiful brown eyes) but not just to men in suits, but everybody from the taxi driver, watchman, street hawker and everyone, could u believe i met this guy thru some cleaner who use to work in the office after company closes at 5pm – i chatted with him always (i talked with a smile) asked bout his wife and kids all the time next thing u know he wanted to introduce to his former oga’s son – told him nice things about me, after we finally met, come to find out wed seen each other in passing but he was too scared to approach cos i look too serious,

    anyway cut long story short we dated for 1 yr – he moved to canada – i dont do long distance – so i cut it off but we still talk as friends occasionally.

    SO MORAL OF MY STORY IS HUMBLE THYSELF AND SMILE SOMETIME AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE GOD MIGHT FIND PITY ON YOUR UPPITY SOUL :LOL: –

    NO MATTER HOW MANY DEGREES U HAVE OR HOE RICH A FAMILY U COME FROM, U ARE NO MORE HUMAN THAN EVEN YA HOUSEHELP. TREAT EVERYONE WITH RESPECT – AND THIS MESSAGE IS TO THE ARROGANT CONCEITED FOLKS (ESP THE FEMALES) STILL STUCK ON THAT CLASS BULLS##T IN OUR SOCIETY. HUMBLE THYSELF

    TRUTH HURTS.

  68. Fab 5

    May 10, 2010 at 12:34 am

    This article does not get it right. The title should probably be “Single Men That Meet Our Unrealistic Specs Stand Up”. Thats because all around me I see single eligible men that women don’t want to settle down with because they have not arrived yet. And these are men with Masters degrees and good jobs but cannot afford to live in Lekki Phase 1 yet. And then women scream that they aer still single. When U guys get real, the single men will show up

  69. sammy

    May 10, 2010 at 1:59 am

    I’m a lady, and I understand. Yes everybody wants to get married and change status.
    You need to understand MARRIAGE IS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY for both men and women,
    but some men are simply not ready to shoulder it. MEN NEED TO FEEL LIKE A PROVIDER,
    but don’t have the means in a tough economy. I’m not making excuses for them, but it’s the reality.
    If SOME of you ladies don’t have million Dollar/Naira/Pound/ Euro e.t.c bank accounts, why are you looking for a man with one? You have no business looking for a man with one. Making money is not so easy. Spending is surely easy. NOWADAYS, NO MAN WANT A GOLDIGGING LIABILITY. No disrespect intended.

    I live in NYC, when most of my male friends come back from Lagos, they complain that all what lagos girls are looking for are big boys with money. Some of you don’t even know what some of these so-called big boys do for a living. There are a lot of GOOD/GREAT men out there. Ladies please CHECK yourselves. Give your perspective a reality check.

    Women don’t worry about a biological clock, just live and be happy. Remember those days when you go out not with the intention of finding a man, but to have fun? You need to revisit those days. The right one will come in due time, just be patient.

    NEVER LOOK FOR SOMEONE TO COMPLETE YOU. YOU NEED TO FEEL WHOLE
    IN ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE. YOUR JOY DOESN’T DEPEND ON A MAN PUTTING A “RING ON IT”

  70. sammy

    May 10, 2010 at 2:19 am

    Also, you might worry your friends are married. Do you know what they are going through in their marriages.
    things are not always what they appear to be. I once met a guy dressed in gucci from head to toe only to find he make $10,000/year working full time (about 1.5M Naira) which is close to poverty line in the USA. I also met another guy dressed in white tee and cargo pants who makes $350,000/year. How about that?
    Please don’t be in a haste to get into an “E-GET-AS-E-BE” marriage.
    Like they say, some “Marriages are cages you rush to get into and rush out of.”

  71. Shally

    May 10, 2010 at 6:33 am

    @Miss Lawunmi…”Themsay” he is quite active in b*d.I swear i don’t know o don’t quote me o!lol

  72. Omo'Oba

    May 10, 2010 at 11:07 am

    them sef too dey form, bunchin up and clustering, how u go enter midst of lions go drag one commot,much easier to approach and tame one solo lion than to enter lions den…even if the one lion ‘dey house’ the others go dey grind teeth dey increase resistance

    Single guys remain single bcos most don’t want commitment.they probly have “something they r doing” that precludes or distracts the need for steady commiting relationship…steadiness and commitment come into the picture when age,environment,friends,girl,girls,family begin to mount pressure…and pressure doesn’t mean pressure pressure o,jus occassional jovial comments–not like the home video pressure of- Bring us a wife!!!

    single guys cnt b bothered with anything that may lead to pressure–any girl that looks like will require work (since there’s a majority out there that wont require much coercion)…Temi needs a hook up.she needs to stop waiting for someone to come up to her…her overbeauty sef can b a complex,only confident jagunlabis will walk up and jagunlabis r scarce…She needs a cousin or a friend to create a conducive environment for her to meet a decent guy..Most of the relationships that r working that i am aware of are products of ‘man-know-man’…In Nija esp, everythin is about connections and who u know, from work, to contract to ‘coupling’.. personally have produced 2.5 marraiges by this hookin up things, so i know what i am saying..But Sadly, On my ”hookupable” list now, i have 5 girls and 2 decent guys,(1 of which cant really b bothered)……….so, i agree with Glory–Problem dey!!

  73. Acquarius

    May 10, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Omo’Oba, I think you hit the nail on the head there. Nigeria is a man-know-man society. This is how we do business and pleasure. So the best way to meet a guy that you can be sure is ready and right for you is through someone or something that you have in common, like your church.

    Another way is to join a networking group and participate in their activities. Like I attend a networking group on fb called 6 Degrees Nigeria. They do alot of very casual and small monthly events. The people are the “right crowd” and they are quite warm and the venues are always relaxed and with affordable food.

    So me and my girls go there, shake hands with as many people as we want, talk about what we do and what we want to do and exchange business cards. Occasionally this leads to a meeting or a date and more….

    You should try it.

  74. iNterested

    May 10, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    The responses to this topic are too funny. Truth be told, I don’t thnk there is any particular formula other than stay true to whom you are. My fantasy when I was younger was the Naija big-ish boy but tell you what I found my hubby in the place I wasn’t looking and I had to compromise on something- his age. He’s circa 10yrs older but you’d never guess. He is a good guy, Christian, a real one o, helpful around the house and truly loves me and I love him too. We pray together and are such a blessing to each other. I’m not saying it’s perfect but I inspite of my wants, God knew what I needed and provided that. I just had to be open.

    Meanwhile, the big boy, I was checking, I know for a fact that I we wouldn’t have been so happy together because truth be told I had a complex with him. Couldn’t quite be myself with him as I felt I alway had to be in big girl ‘mode’. So be true to you, hang out where you really have fun be that at the market, tennis court or whatever. No pretentiousness. Then let go and let God.

    Chai I don write dissertation

  75. feylaggy

    May 10, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    I agree with Funmi n Maame…gurls,this is so true.Let’s be open!!You never know wher you will find love

  76. Nail_them_while_they_are_vulnerable

    May 10, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    I don’t see a problem here. The ladies have set a standard for the guys, and the
    guys are busy trying to meet the standard. Once they meet it, they ll come
    for the girls (What they will do with the ladies is what I dont know though).
    They should keep waiting! And why are the ladies complaining,
    aren’t the guys busy on their errands? And if I say from the goodness of my
    heart, I want to keep multiple girls, dem go say I be bad person.

  77. Mafaba

    May 11, 2010 at 10:04 am

    This is a serious issue. I can see some girls are taking it too personal. The truth of the matter is that as human beings, we do unto others what we don’t want them do unto us.

    Pls note this:
    The girls are always in the mist of their girlfriends and there is noting wrong with that but when the guys stay with their male friends, then the whole world seems unhappy.
    Is this not to show the real and true nature of girls, ‘ selfish, self centred, proud and arrogant’.

    Why do single men enjoy the company of their male friends?
    I as a single guy, I have got female friends and I know what goes on in the average girls mind. I enjoy the company of my male friends ‘cos they don’t talk about how am yet to drain my account on them, they don’t nag, they don’t expect me to go out of my way for them and they are no gold-diggers looking for a made man without knowing what he went through before making his money to devour of his riches.

  78. Femi Ojo

    May 11, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    To be sincere and to offer my honest opinion, the way some ladies dress to social occassions with every damned thing exposed from breast to the ass( sorry if i am too blunt) will never make any responsible single man to approach such ladies for any relationship that can futuristically lead to marriage. Some ladies in an attempt to entice men over do things….a moderately sexy dress is okay with no overpainting of faces and non exposure of sexy sensitive parts. Smiles on their faces and good mannerism will also help in no small amount. Cheers!

  79. Elle

    May 11, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    The genesis of this problem is the fact that we as a society believe that (1) it is mandatory to get married (2) you have to get married at a certain age (3) you life must come to a halt between 23-30 until you tie a man down.
    All these tip the scales against the women.. it’s not that men don’t want single ladies. It’s more that they can smell desperation from afar. I believe that women are our own greatest enemies.. we are the ones who ask our best friends what they are waiting for and they shouldn’t remain picky. Why should I settle after spending 25 years or more making decisions that are best for me.
    As someone said earlier, weddings happen everyweekend in Naija, meaning single women are getting married in drove. We women need to breathe and wait for God’s time.. there’s so much to enjoy as a single, independent woman. Trust me…

  80. jaguarnana

    May 11, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    I think everyone should ease up a bit with the blaming, yes we ladies can appear stuck up but it’s because we are shy when we get stared at and my single ladies out there take a look at most of your married friends and ask yourself do you fancy your friends choices? My guess is no, yep ladies there are very few Adonis out there so get your heads out of the cloud and look around you, stop expecting a stranger (prince charming) to charge in on his white steed and rescue you, your future husbands are right beside you…..yes that geeky colleague or your brute supplier or your talkative neighbor etc….

  81. semira

    May 11, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    loool.i like to blame it on the general popluation census that states that women
    are generally more than men.truth is women are to much in a hurry.Im in
    a 2 year relationship but trust me when i say it was survival of the fittest.
    I just think your temi friend should chill out.when its meant to happen
    it’l happen in the best way possible.Gudluc 🙂

  82. BeeDive

    May 12, 2010 at 11:28 am

    didnt have time to go through the comments but i’m shocked that this issue of no men is a common thing amongst us women…
    well..me and my friends (surprisingly, i didn’t know they shared my fears too) have decided to use this time of our singleness (is there any such word) to work and serve God. We want to be found (by the men) in the service if God. we’ve set-up an organisation of us single women called ‘Daughters of the King’ aimed to help the less fortunate people in our society and also volunteer our time and resources doing charity work… So Single women out there, get off your asses and stop groaning and filling miserable about your life and do something worthwhile with the time you have now being single….

    muuaaahhh

  83. Yomi

    May 12, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Women are changing these days in terms of attitude mentality, the way they
    think and also their dress sense.

    So I guess men have to be changed also.

    Innit?.

  84. curious

    May 13, 2010 at 7:16 am

    @ semira…
    Are u same semira dating tim? Just curious!

  85. ForeverYoung

    May 13, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    tsk tsk…single ladies out there heres a trick…..
    Girls dont wanna go out by themselves, so they go out in droves to events that looks promising, in terms of finding a man…so heres what happens, a friend calls a friend who calls her cousin who hardly goes out save for church to come out to this event happening in town, now the “boys” at this event are usually the “good-timers” that is they just wanna have fun, they are so used to partying that infact after the event they plan on going to a club and pick up a chick who is looking for a lay 4 the night, so even if you are halle berry and sade adu , all rolled up in one and spiced up, u wont get a notice, cos the “boys” are prolly drunk and yll look the same way anyway, so they cant be bothered to approach you, even if u standing alone. If u r in a group even worse…and u r not on the dancefloor dancing??…..shh foggerit, no show 4 u……
    So heres the trick, cos many girls have tried all these social events and nothing 2 show, they grow tired and stop going out, then is your time to strike, and heres how, go to mini get-togethers, as in “baiday”, “BBQ” especially if the host is a man…note that, very important, cos hes male he prolly got a lot of male friends. Dress up decently but suggestively…..
    Now when u get there, do not, I MEAN DO NOT squeez ur face. Walk in with a smile, shake and if possible hug everyone present, make lil jokes if theres a chance(please abeg if theres no joke-oppurtunity zip it, dont make an ass of yourself”), flirt with both men and women. Ladies love compliments,find a girl, tell her you love her shoes where she get it from, make urself feel at home at the party, let the house know u don arrive(Please I dont mean u shud start laughing and shouting like a market woman ooo) strike up mini conversations, dont spend more than 3 minutes with each person man/woman, if they catch ur fancy take numbers,and most importantly follow up. What u wud notice is at these mini-parties, the men out-number the women, so naturally they wanna chat you up…..
    Okay am gonna stop here….if u want more go buy my book 100 different ways to find elligible men…:D

  86. Petit'

    May 13, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    lol @ ForeverYoung. I am faithing my man and i believe he will be here in no time on his white horse! 😀 , abi people?

  87. gbekun

    May 14, 2010 at 5:22 am

    I totally agree with B and co. heaven help them that it’s not too late for them by the time they are done ‘hanging with their buddies’. as for the ladies, me i go dey catch my fun. if aristo come my way oh well, me and am go waka. make i enjoy life too. God’s time is the best

  88. amebo

    May 14, 2010 at 7:46 am

    Pls oh i have a question, i need a honest and sincere answer, especially from the guys .. if a girl is in a comitted relationship and decides to remain celibate till her wedding nite .. and this relationship lasted for like 3 years before the wedding .. what are the possibilities that a guy who has been active for years will be celibate because he respects your decision and “supposedly” loves u very much … is it really possible for him to remain celebate for that long?? without cheating with other women ..pls i need to make a serious decision .. i know the guys will understand best bcos??? men know themselves and their capabilities better

  89. cricket

    May 14, 2010 at 7:47 am

    lol @ all d comment

  90. Blackknight

    May 14, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    @amebo….a matured man celibate for three years?I doubt it.He may honestly be in love with the suposed babe,but to be faithful for three years,I doubt it.

  91. Mafaba

    May 15, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    @amebo ……. from experience, a man can but then, the issue of individuality comes into play. one man can and another man may not be able to stand it. it all depend on how well we have trained our individual self control.
    Remember the saying that “one man’s food is another man’s poison”

  92. DivaliciousT-Baby

    May 15, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    @amebo excpt if d man has d fear of God.i repeat genuine fear of God,he will wait but if he doesnt?forget it!i went in2 my 1st relationship in my yr3.&i was a v tld d guy No!No!till wedding 9th.He cheated on me big tym!but am glad i didnt open my legs4 him.&am saving myslf up4 my lucky guy.lol.We brk up 3yrs ago(&i tell u peeps dats d best dat ever happened to me.Soldier go!Soldier come lol).he’s still strongly on my case4 a cmback bit i aint givin him a chance.my philosophy.Be balanced in all aspects of life.Have fun!Fear God!Make Da money!Look good!etc.d right guy always comes ard!

  93. mouthpieceforchikcs

    May 17, 2010 at 12:07 am

    sammy had said it all…i have learnt a lot from all you’ve said and they r so true..nice one

  94. mouthpieceforchikcs

    May 17, 2010 at 12:33 am

    i meant sammy has said it all lol

  95. amebo

    May 18, 2010 at 5:04 am

    @ Blackknight, mafaba and divalicious t-baby .. thanks very much .. really appreciate ur comment/answers

  96. WaleAdeniji

    May 23, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    @ Funmi at # 50 and 51, you have said it all and i appreciate you for hitting the nail on its head. I wish these ladies will take to your advise and their life will be better for it. Many of them lost their husband because they looked down on him when they ought to encourage him to come near them and toast them. If i know you and you’re not married, i will just ask you to marry me withoput delay because i know you have what it takes to be a good wife (experience and Godliness)

    Wale

  97. sade

    May 23, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    May God deliver all the single women from bondage. God always hears and answers so go down on your knees and pray. In the bible, women didnt go out to look for men,it was men that went out to look for a wife. Look at the case of Jacob. God will always send someone at the right time.No need to fert even if the clock is ticking so fast. The Almighty knows what you are in need of. He is the one that said it is not good for a man(woman)to be alone. Go on your knees!!!

  98. Isis

    May 26, 2010 at 9:53 am

    its a good one, fact though’ but only the men can help solve this byaddressing the areas that so needs corrections to the ladies, change can always occur

  99. B

    May 30, 2010 at 1:24 am

    whilst not gettin too deep in the dr. phil stuff, bt hey we want u just as much. The imagination of that sudden change in life style, planned or otherwise isn’t what we mostly after. Every decent lady dreams of a wedding and the happily ever after thingy. Oy!! that’s far from reality. Am simply after a lady that enjoys to do the things i “can`t” and not “dont”. quite simple, like doing the dishes, though i love to cook etcetera, u get me. hei this is lagos, theres more opportunist than nyc sef. n u know am kind ur gettin enough of being single yet what about the “Action packed Drama”?………….

  100. nero

    May 31, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    well to answer the lady who asked whether it’s possible to get a man committed
    to her if she decides to go celibate till wedding , it’ll be shocking to note that
    there are still male virgins out there and and are committed to their vows either for fidelity o
    for fidelity or religiosity . we are heading for a national social catastrophe and
    if our societal values , expectations and other social indices are not reviewed
    , we could experience a lot of social anomalies like lesbianism , homosexualism
    paedophilia etc . we should have avenues where woman and men could meet
    freely and discuss or maybe enplot the services of sociologist .

  101. coy

    May 31, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Honestly I am very traditional when it comes to dating. I still believe that woman should not fall too easily… Haba where is the fun na? But at theh same time the woman should not grow a snout, to make the whole experience nasty.
    I have been beseiged by women here in europe. very fine ones. Its all obvious what they want from the very beginning. Marriage! Kids! So what happens… I get someone following and trailing me all day, dropping in unannounced to my apartment, coming under the rain and dripping all wet on my carpet( is that to show she loves me), kissing me in church!!! Haba ladies… cool down naaa.

    I do not like cheap and easy game. Ladies do not throw urself at men too easily!

  102. Eno

    June 1, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Lol @ Nadia & Funmi. @ Coy – daaaaaaaaamn! 4 real??? Must be noize getting all that attn.

    I believe there’s no hard and fast rule, and while i’m a traditionalist in the sense that i believe that guys should do the chasing, i also believe we girls should make it a little easier for them.

    I guess we should all pray and work towards a better economy. Single men can’t stand oooh! their leg is “paining” them. Who, in their right minds, wants all the bills associated with marriage? Its expensive, especially when dude is scoping a fyn, classy chic he either wants to talk to or is talking to. He’s probably calculating house rent, weekly soup money, diesel, bambino’s pampers, summer holiday, school fees. Haba!

    Lets pray for an improved economy oooooh! If not, the single men can’t stand

  103. 9jasoulja

    June 2, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    lol. I am a single guy and I must say I have noticed this ‘shift’ in the natural
    order of the ‘pursuit’ if I can call it that. My best guess (and probably the right
    guess) is that the single ladies out there pushed the hard-to-get idea too much
    to the limit and the men just got tired of it. I mean the way some ladies used to
    do ‘shakara’ for single men eh! It was just not cool at all. It could be that some
    men just assume that a girl will not be interested in them. It could be that others
    cannot deal with the blow to their ego if they are turned down. It could be any
    number of excuses but in general I believe that the table has turned for sure.
    That does not mean that the single men do not pursue the ladies o! some
    of you ladies are worth any type of pursuit.
    And for your friend Temi, if she is anything close to what you described, then
    those dudes just didn’t have the [balls] to walk up to her. Maybe she’s an
    introvert, because it is easy for a guy to interpret being an introvert as being
    stuck up. That’s just how it is.

  104. Belente

    June 4, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    This is a nice article, been a while now a said hold your
    peace ladies.The expectation is high, the shakara is much
    every babe want a made-man. non want to build-up with
    the guy.
    materialization and computer age is taking everything,
    the ladies are far to reach, she told me money rules
    the world.
    so i have to go for this money and for good, it will surely
    come,then may be i will be ready to look around again.
    but for now, even as i always see them eying. No way !

    As for Temi, may be she needs to be more cheerful and
    prayerful. Avoid evil for his Grace to abound. wish her well.

  105. Godlovesme4me

    June 9, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    lol @ all the comments…maybe I should open a “single men & women only” club, that will at least let all the singles out know where exactly to hang out.

    But on a serious note tho’…I do av friends and family members that are still single and unlike me…they do hang out and party alot so makes me wonder why they aint attached yet…guess not much luck for me that like to chill at home unless I really do have to go out.

    Anyways I think divine connection is the koko of the matter…when it is God’s time for one to get married, if the man is Kurantango and the lady in Surantongo…God will make their paths cross for sure…heard quite a number of stories on that.

    So just like everyone has said, prayer is the key and when it is God’s time it is bound to happen. Trust me…just as we ladies are praying for a good man…the man are praying as well for a good woman, its just that for some reason…the women’s case are more obvious to the world to know and talk about.

    Temi, it is well…just continue to PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens) and God will sure hearken and answer you and all of us ladies hoping for the same.

    BellaNaija…you rock!!

  106. kosa

    June 9, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    # 50 Funmi, I hope that everyone read what you have to say. very brilliant comments. All the bets in your search.

  107. uchechi

    June 14, 2010 at 12:17 am

    Lol @ comments. I believe they are around but not noticed cos most ladies want ready made men. On a personal note, its best to stick with a guy who is just starting cos the future is bright. If u happen to be lucky to get hooked with a ready made guy, great all the same. Make una shine una eyes well well..single men plenty o!

  108. as it is

    July 10, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    when i was a medical student, the girls of my generation(the now 27- 37 yr olds )mo))st of the ladies where interested in older man who had money and were already ‘made’.Now things are different..its difficult to go back to those ladies who never had your back! So,my advice is for theyoung ones.Get your man before he becomes ‘somebody’.

  109. singleman

    July 10, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    comment 107 thumps up!!!

  110. singlelady

    August 4, 2010 at 8:57 am

    Single men pls stand up,and married men and players,leave the single chicks alone.

  111. Damilola-slick9ja-

    August 4, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    as someone said look outside your culture, for me personally as a 9ija woman
    im attracted to foreign men so i have no complaint in that department. i meet
    single and trustworthy men everyday so its up to me to decide who can make
    it work for me…hanging out with the same people everyday has its limits. why
    do that when you’ve already made up your mind that you not interested in any
    of the people you hanging out with and they just your “buddy”
    if the fella has a life plan listen to him, please ladies…who knows he might
    be the next Fela Durotoye (for those of you keeping it local )
    or Tyler Perry (if like me you dig the international brothers)

  112. Roger

    September 16, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    I have a different take on it from a single mans perspective. What I’m about to say goes across color lines, age groups, different socio-economic groups, nationalities, races and so-on and so-on. From what I’ve seen and experienced is that I consistently see single women giving and showing more love, attention, interest, time, conversation, kindness and/or displaying a go and get him girl assertiveness to the guy that THEY KNOW (NOT NOT KNOW) BUT THE GUY THEY DO KNOW IS NOT SINGLE OVER THE GUY WHO THEY KNOW IS SINGLE. I see more of a open arms approach stance that the women take toward these men while at the same time they are giving the single man the middle finger or the old talk to the hand routine. I am sorry but me being a single man I have got passed over many times by single women who had found the non-single man more appealing. If I go to the dance club (I’m not really a going out to bars person since I don’t drink, I’d rather dance) and ask a lady if she’d like to dance she is usually not interested or would rather dance with her girlfriends. Yet if I happen to come out with a woman under my arm and we step out on a date or are just a hanging out, next thing you know all of the women who normally wouldn’t pay me any mind got their eyes all over me and are somehow trying to engage me in a conversation, try and take me out on the dance floor or try and slip me there number on the sneak tip. Oh! and lord don’t let it be a woman from a different race oh my god! Here we go! Next thing you know I am getting the looks of disgust and betrayal beyond belief! Like the “How could you!” look or the look of curiosity. However, I tell you again if I am by myself or make it known that I am single, no woman wants to be bothered with me. I am sorry but me being a guy hanging out with the fellas, who are non-single I don’t see a whole lot of them making advances toward women. I see a whole lot of single women making advances towards them knowing full well that they are off the market while bypassing me or other single men not just me. However, if I were to borrow the majic ring (wedding band) from lets say a friend of mine who might be married just to prove a point then and only then the single women come from all over. If you were to ask a man, any man, when did women make themselves more available or approached him more, when he was single or when it was apparent that he was off the market. I gurantee you he will always say when he was off the market. They will most likely tell you that when they were single trying to get a woman interested in them was a real challenge and so much time and energy had to be put into it that it was very draining but the minute they hooked up with someone, single women came from all over trying to come inbetween him and his girl or fiancee or wife. Let me emphasize before you say “Well maybe THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU CAN’T GET THEM INTERESTED!” I used to think that until I would go out on a date or just hang out with a female friend or I would borrow one of my friends wedding bands and that was the only time single women became interested. Also let me remind you I am not just talking about my personal experience but the cumulative experience of other men as well when their status would go from single to non-single to single and so on. I don’t know why women have such hatred and jealousy toward each other that they’d actually engage in this type of behavior (MAN STEALING!) but it is unfortunate for you when you actually fool yourselves into thinking that this non-single man who belongs to someone else that you’re cheating with will actually leave his girl, fiancee or wife for you. Believe me I am a man so therefore I know how men think! 9 times out of 10 he isn’t going to leave his girl, fiancee or wife for you. Don’t you get it! YOU ARE A SIDE PIECE! THAT IS ALL! NOTHING MORE! Even if he does leave her for you how can you be so foolish to think that he can be trusted that he won’t do the same thing to you. DUH! Do you really want to waste your time with that bum? That same love, attention, interest, time, conversation, assertiveness and kindness you show toward the guy who you know is non-single, show it toward the guy who you know is single and stop going after guys who are off the market! On top of that, who in the world are all these single guys who you say that rather hang out with their buddies then with you all. I don’t know any single guys who think like that. On top of that where are all these single women I keep hearing about. Most women that I know and have met are already hitched and those few who are not like I said are chasing after the non-single guys. I am sorry but I don’t see this overwhelming population of single women out there that is frustrated that they cannot find an available man. At least out where I live in Long Island, New York. If you are a woman reading this, I suggest that before you respond you ask as many men as you can first the question “When did women show you more love, attention, interest, kindness, time, converstation and approach you more? When you were single or non-single?” After you have approached as many men with this question as you can, then respond. I’d like to hear your results.

    • The Lady. :)

      November 1, 2015 at 10:46 am

      Oh, wow. That’s deep. In my opinion, (a single girl’s perspective) most girls see single guys as players nowadays. I guess it’s just first instincts (I can’t relate) it’s the guy’s duty to change that view. (Welcome to the 21st century) If a woman sees a man treating his woman right with love and affection especially publicly, she would obviously desire to be that woman under his arms. Who wouldn’t right? (Every girl would but not every girl would try to boyfriendnap him) The point is, single men need to realize that their lady is still out there and they need to try searching somewhere else instead of in one direction (try a girl group this time) lol get it? No? Yes? Okay.. Goodluck and send me a wedding invitation when you do. 🙂

  113. Me of course

    September 19, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    Tell your girl I’m “Denzel Washington looking kinda guy. She’s “Halle Berry” kinda..right. We could give it a trial and see what comes off it. I’m serious Gloria.
    On the hand as a guy, I keep asking myself why I’m single. Not that I haven’t been with up with different girls, I have but then, when you engage most of our “modern day girls” in a conversation you find out, either they are not realistic with what they want or they just think with their p*ssy. I don’t mean any insults but certainly that what I’ve noticed about most may be due to so much time spent on the TV. Mark you, its “most” and not “all” as there still good girls around.
    For the most, there are lots of unrealistic fantasies going on in their heads about what kind of man they want..he must be this..he must be that..he must have this..which in the end you find out there’s no man on planet earth who possess half of those qualities unless they want “God” for a man.
    I’m not bad myself, just a bit laid back but I’m a very likeable kinda… I’m comfortable, educated up to PG level (International) so why is it difficult. I came from a stable home and would want so for myself but the harder it gets to meeting that girl, the more I’m pushed to date interracially. Not that dating interracially is bad but IMO it mostly ends in a divorce say from 10 years when the lovey dovey starts dying down.
    Someone might say I’m choosey but I go meeting them, presenting my real self. I don’t go about meeting these girls with this mind, “I am that or I am worth this” rather I engage them in a conversation trying to find out how we click or how compatible we could be. The conversation is based on purely who I am and not ‘what’ I am but you find out, our girls will only engage you first in a conversation based on what you are and if you are my kind who wouldn’t disclose your “what” on the first meetings, to them you are “what-less” not matter your “who”. Meaning, you are not worth their time. Thats sad, I can tell you.
    I must have written a lot about me in this. In response Gloria’s article where she probably blames it on the guys as to the reason why a lot girls are single, I’d say it’s not always our fault. Girls these days are very unrealistic with their wants. What happened to being with a man based on who he is and not what he is? There are lots of either “made it or “yet to make it” prospective young men around willing and ready to date/marry but the problem continues to be our “modern day girls” with their unrealistic wants and way of thinking. Our parents made a success of their marriages, They were very realistic right from the start. They didn’t start off from being a big “what” rather, they came together grew and built from the scratch together the “what” which has seen us guys and you girls to whatever successful height we enjoy now.
    Before I conclude, I want ask our girls, what happened to reciprocating what your mum did with your dad (building the what) with the prospective man coming to you now. The best notion is, try cooking the soup with him and not going about with spoon in hand, only stepping in when the soup is done. Two plays the game better.
    @ Gloria, im serious about Temi…lol.

    • jay

      November 15, 2011 at 7:00 pm

      well said my dear.

  114. Damilola

    September 30, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    I’m a 27yr old single guy. I stay in Lagos, so you could ask; why is he single? Most of my friends don’t understand why i could be that way. It’s easy……
    I don’t do clubs, bars or parties. I’d rather stay home when i’m not at work.
    You could say that’s why i am single, but hey it’s just me. The truth is i do believe the reason why the ladies remain single is because the type of guys they want could be fit into a particular profile. These guys make up for about 30% of single guys. When you have all the single ladies gunning for that particular group of single guys, of course there’s bound to be a ‘scarcity’ as it were.
    My Advice? Start to weigh your options, try to bring down the bar you’ve set up in your mind. NOT all guys start up being successful and well to do. Some of us have to start from nothing in order to get to a place where we can be comfortable enough to date you ladies with the “expectations” you have.

    PS: you could say i was using this medium to advertise (wink)

  115. akumaka

    October 1, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    Men r turning to homosexuality!!

  116. SingleMan

    October 13, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    There’s plenty of single guys, they just got tired of rejection and a low-return-on-investement. Every guy you see who has “given up on women”, has at one time pursued women like heck, with zero results, much rejection and a lot of pain.

    If you want more single guys out there, do less harsh rejections, and you’ll have them. Its that simple.

    • The Lady. :)

      November 1, 2015 at 10:26 am

      True, but every single man should also realize that his princess is out there somewhere (or queen such as moi) lol and if they really want to find her they have to keep trying. It’s only normal that on their way to her castle (or mansion, if it’s me ofcourse) it’s going to be a bumpy ride. I mean, she’s waiting to be found. The point is, single guys shouldn’t give up because at the end of all the rejections and when he finally finds her it’ll all be worth it. It always is. The Lady.

  117. cheda

    October 31, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    naija gals where u dey??????????

  118. pdee

    January 14, 2011 at 4:43 am

    going through all these posts carefully, I think it won’t be wrong to say we unsuprisingly have more female comments than guys……………any ideas as to why??? go figure.
    Anyways, point is the targets most of you females set for your men is practically in your dreams……”the faraway land” hopefully you will keep searching, get really and back to earth. Stick with those who toasted/stayed with you when you were much younger, not despising them for the higher and more sought after stakes.
    finally: you will only attract the things you are on the inside, develop your personality, get rid of those FLAWS that we ALL know you have and you will be a “man-magnet” Men will literally flock around you if you have a nice/down-to-earth/fun-to-be-with personality, It has never been about your beauty or accessories for we men. Savvy.

  119. elflaco

    April 25, 2011 at 5:00 am

    Any single babe dat wants an already made guy wit cash must also have cash oh ……. If not they shud all drop der heads, be realistic and c wat is infront of dem ……

  120. posch moda

    July 21, 2011 at 10:11 am

    where are the single guys

  121. bestcommentlol!

    January 3, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    The truth is that there is no man whom at some point in time in his life will not want to settle down and marry. Especially when he also is getting old. No one wants to be old and grey and still taking care of his infant children.
    There are issues here.

    (1) If he has been a player he will not want a girl who has been on the block. Whether for good or bad. He will want to marry a ‘fresh’ and youngblood. ( ‘best’ personified in a young girl 24 yrs old or younger – regardless of her past). Some of us realized this too late and found much later that the reason we had a throng of eligibles was because, we were still young.
    If he has not been a player, he would have married earlier.

    (2) Men normally like young girls. Why did Rasak pick Sade, ojukwu, Bianca? weren’t there older and eligible women for Ojukwu? the older a man gets, the younger he wants his partner to be. Even old widowers pick young girls.

    (3) Biologically, it is more likely to give birth to a female than male. Check statistics on world population. There are more women. So its not Naija alone. This is based on glaring and accessible facts. . Hence this phenomenon.

    It wasn’t like this in those days as polygamy was the order of the day. now, everyone is enlightened and wont engage in polygamy. So the ‘extra’ wives are left in the cold

    (4) Men hate ‘desperados’. Don’t be clingy. If you are ‘getting old’, they sniff it from the farthest distance. Even if u are not desperate, they think you might be and that you are only mature enough to hide it.

    (5) And not all unmarried girls do not have suitors. For heaven’s sake, I will not marry a man whom I am not proud of. ( e.g lacking language skills, not having a common ground to interact on socially, not having anything in common, etc). Whats the point of hooking up with someone whom you cannot stick or stand?? Please o abeg.

    whats the prognosis? Women be conscious of this fact at earlier stages of your life. When in your “prime’ ( 20-24), ‘pick’ your husband.
    If you didnt and are worried, God is on the throne. Even if you have sinned, he has a large heart and forgives . He will provide husbands for the unmarried women. He is not wicked nor will he continue watching unmarried women ostracized , embarrassed, or disgraced because of their status.

  122. Grown Up Girl

    April 24, 2013 at 9:47 am

    I’m shocked because I am no halle berry, a size 10-12, ok looking but i can’t keep them away, every event i go too they keep coming and they all say the same thing i look approachable, happy, my smile or my eyes hooked them, that sort of thing (I’m engaged now and it still hasn’t stopped even with my bling bling)…I recognize how hard it was for them to come over and I’m nice and smile regardless of how they look or what they are wearing, they never fail to ask for number, pin, email, anything, and they don’t feel bad even when I’m saying NO!…The point I’m trying to make is its important for a woman to appear approachable, SMILE- it doesn’t have to be a toothy smile but it makes a woman so attractive and don’t be afraid to go out on your own sometimes being surrounded by your ‘girls’ isn’t exactly helping the guys approach you…

  123. Rossario Sparks

    May 14, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    HI, Glory Edozien, i think your really cute and i would like if we get to know ourselves. I am from Venezuela, single, pretty with an ass, good looking with figure slim and slender.I am single and i really need a guy in my life. I hope you consider my application. Thanx and nice time.

  124. Richie Montes

    April 10, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    I would love to meet Rossario Sparks. Am interested in her

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