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This Nerve-Wracking Game!

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While I wrote my dissertation at school, my supervisor advised that I should see the process as a game. She said that I would have to play with words, authorities, and relevant quotations from textbooks and journals, to score good grades. Thankfully, I played this game right and passed. Soon after, I started to view every aspect of life as a game, which I have to play right to get what I want. Although I hate to fail, I have failed a couple of times but as soon as I do, I pick myself up, and start again with renewed determination.

Even though they say that the world currently has many more women in it than men, I believe that there is one man for every woman. Though it is possible to love more than one man in one’s lifetime, women only truly love once. This love is usually for a man whom I like to refer to as “the ONE”.

We make a lot of fuss about meeting this perfect ONE, and falling in love with him. However, women often find it difficult to determine what is right to do / acceptable behaviour when they finally meet him, especially at the very initial stage of the relationship where both parties are busy putting up a façade, trying to put forward their very best qualities – actively playing the game.

The dating game is the trickiest of all games. It often renders women confused and unsure of what to do with their newfound love. Comporting themselves in line with the rules of the game poses a challenge, especially in our society where men are expected to make all the first few moves, initiate conversations, and make most of the phone calls etc. Women find themselves at a loss.  What happens when we feel like talking and he doesn’t call at that point? Would he feel discouraged if his phone calls are not regularly returned? Does he really want to do “the chase” alone? Can we in return make phone calls or send messages to him without being tagged as desperate, easy, or a little too eager? Is it okay to show eagerness?

Men say that 21st century women are arrogant and a little too self conceited but the truth is that single women are only cautious, careful, and afraid. No one wants to goof or be screwed over while playing the game. Since we want to win, we like to play it right.

Women want to be wooed, just as it was done in the past. Unfortunately, many 21st century men seem to be clueless about the age-long wooing process. This is the reason why women sometimes feel the need to “assist” men to accelerate “this process” but in the end, these women (mostly) goof.

I know that the game can be challenging for women who are naturally emotional… many of who do not know how to hide their feelings or pretend. As soon as they are in love, the whole world knows it! Unfortunately, this seems to be a major turn off for many men.

So, what is to be done with this game? Personally, I give credit to those who have played it right. As a way forward, I recommend that single women like me should ditch the game (at least when it comes to relationships) and come clean. Lets be honest with our-selves, apply common sense, and trust our instincts. When we feel the need to make that phone call / send that message / make the move, lets just do it.

What’s the worst that can happen?

19 Comments

  1. Moi

    August 9, 2010 at 10:58 am

    hhhmmm… I will experiement… I will be back.

  2. Ogo

    August 9, 2010 at 11:17 am

    Nice one!!!

  3. Aibee

    August 9, 2010 at 11:18 am

    Whats the worst thing that can happen?
    He could think you are cheap/easy/all the synonyms.
    if he thinks you are cheap cos you called him then perhaps he’s not worth your time.
    However, I still believe men should do the ‘woing’ with a litle ‘help’ from us, of course.
    this is really a nerve wracking game. Should I say yes? Should I say no?

  4. boobsy doo

    August 9, 2010 at 11:25 am

    lemme try it out and i will b back. lol

  5. Ms. Jayee

    August 9, 2010 at 11:47 am

    well a whole damn lot can happen!!!

  6. Joseph C Ejidoh

    August 9, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    ‘I know that the game can be challenging for women who are naturally emotional… many of who do not know how to hide their feelings or pretend. As soon as they are in love, the whole world knows it! Unfortunately, this seems to be a major turn off for many men.’
    I disagree with the last statement – ….major turn off for many men’, the problem is that most men don’t know how to handle it, so it is not a turn off but a debacle which we have no idea as to how to deal with.

  7. Olivia M

    August 9, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    ”I know that the game can be challenging for women who are naturally emotional… many of who do not know how to hide their feelings or pretend. As soon as they are in love, the whole world knows it! Unfortunately, this seems to be a major turn off for many men”..Unfortunately, I’m in this
    catergory..Arrgh, God help me oo…Nice piece though..

  8. busybody

    August 9, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    True talk o…..nice writeup…I like!!

  9. mariaah

    August 9, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    I trusted my instinct and it paid!!we ll be one year next month..It all depends on what rocks your boats.. Goodluck to all the single pple out there..Nice article..

  10. dami

    August 9, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    be yourself from the start..no facade, no fronts…i am not saying to fart on
    the first date!!!! Just be you and let him fall in love the real you so he does not
    back down later when he finds the real you out! Worked for me, 3.5 years strongit
    with the man of my dreams and walking down the aisle in Dec!!!…:)

  11. africhic

    August 10, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    This story just speaks to me. Something happened recently i met a younger and shorter guy. Never thought i could like him, but i did. After a while i was doing all the calling and because i wanted to be sure i asked if he still liked me. It went downhill from there i was not to be deperate but i neede to know.

    Anyway i guess i have given up. I just realised he couldn’t be bothered to make the effort.
    I hope i am not rambling.

  12. Myne Whitman

    August 10, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    It can be very stressful, because there is no one rule. All these players make it up as they go. Ordinary ppl should just go by the heart and see where the chips fall.

  13. Molicious

    August 10, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    Dami baby, congrats :D…the game is different for everyone jare, make your own rules, learn from your experiences and remember to try to have some fun even when it seems like you’ve lost :)…. Nice article….

  14. xty

    August 15, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    Nice article. Well done!!! straight to the point & not too long. This is international standard. Keep it up.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. gflex

    September 2, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    i respect your truth, its women like you dat men want by their side. awesome

  16. preceela

    October 8, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    easy to say huh?..what’s the worst that could happen is no motto when you are putting your heart on the line..loved every other thing about the article tho’

    • bobo

      February 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm

      Yep… Watz d worst dat could happen? Rejection and loneliness don’t kill (yep I am still alive lol!)… Take time to build yourself confidence and know what u can’t tolerate….

  17. lizzy

    November 11, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Nice one, am kinda caught in d middle right now. should i call or shouldn’t i? its crazy, sometimes d person makes you laugh so hard that he’s d first person you remember when u’re down. Anyways, am gonna keep my head up and my fingers crossed…..lol. Hoping for the best but am not going to be no fool either….. thanks Ejire.

  18. not a bee

    November 13, 2010 at 11:44 am

    Well.. if i like the guy i find it hard not to call… i have to say i was back home on holiday about 3 years or so ago and i am sure i chased this guy away with my calls… to be honest I WAS BORED and so I needed constant entertainment which unfortunately were my phone calls to him! lol but i know better now.
    Generally i don’t believe in fronting… if the guy is been funny about calling or has issues picking up my calls i am sorry but i’ll go searching else where. I can’t conform for anyone.. I have to be myself and I know someone somewhere will be happy with me being myself. (PS: I say this at the risk of probably never meeting that person.. lol)

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