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Finding the Love of Your Life

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How do you find the love of your life?

One of the most common questions in the emails I receive from women is, when and how do I find the love of my life? Most of the time it is accompanied by a paragraph or two about how time is passing and everyone seems to be getting married but them or how only the wrong men seem to be attracted to them.

I was listening to a call in radio show in Lagos the other day and a woman called in, weeping over her current state of single hood and lamenting the fact that she had not yet met the right man, in spite of some special prayer that some man of God had done for her that involved a bed, a calabash and a payment. She admitted that after the prayer more men came her way but they were all wrong for her. However she said that, it was getting so bad being single that if the right man didn’t come along in a year, she was going to settle for one of the wrong men in front of her.

I recently spoke to a single woman who sought my advice on finding love and I gave her advice that I am not sure she wanted to hear. Let me start by saying that if there is a specific scripture that you read five times that will cause the right man to manifest, I don’t know it, (and I would be wary anyway) if there is a calabash that you can pull one out of…once again, I can’t help you. However, this is what I believe…that you attract what and who you are. You pull people into your life that reflect where you are at the time. If your self esteem is low, you tend to attract people who will reinforce that state of being, by manipulating you, exploiting you or more. If you are not your best self, chances are you won’t get the creme de la creme. I’m just being real. Someone I know, always says, you should ask yourself “what am I bringing to the table?”

It’s like job hunting. If you look at yourself and recognize that you only have a high school diploma and choose to stop there, then you will only be eligible for the sort of job that hires secondary school graduates. However if you recognize that you want more, and you are willing to push yourself to go to higher levels in your educational journey then you automatically position yourself for something better. Now of course, there is a sacrifice involved. It takes time to get that next degree. Lots of studying and personal growth. It isn’t necessarily easy. It is often hard work. But its worth it.

A job is a job, in the worst case scenario, you can quit and start over, however marriage is not quite so simple. If you get married when you are at your weakest point and make a poor decision based on your low self esteem or your lack of options and it turns out you are not well suited with your mate, well, a bad marriage can be hell. I get a number of emails from women in these sorts of situations as well. It is difficult (though not impossible) to turn these situations around.

I advised the young lady that was so broken at the idea of being alone and desperately seeking her prince, to stop seeking and start focusing on herself. To stop looking out and look within and ask herself three questions.

Are you your best self? Are you at the optimal state of education, health, image, spirituality? Are you developed enough to be useful as a partner? Have you dealt with your baggage? We are always evolving and growing so you can never be your complete best, but are you at a good stage in your life? Are you moving in the right direction? Are you getting totally whole? Are you healthy in body, mind and soul? Of course we are all on a journey but you can aim to be your best self for that particular time period.

Are you doing your life’s work? I find that women who are fulfilled by the work they do, are typically less desperate when it comes to relationships. Certainly they may feel lonely from time to time and may desire a partner, however they don’t have that raw hunger that you sometimes see in some women and as such they are operating from a position of strength. Moreover, when you are fully engaged in your passion and living a purposeful life, it is easier to make the right decision, because you then meet someone who shares or can complement your vision and journey through life. If you never take time to develop yourself and just focus on the external, then you don’t even know what journey you want to go on or what life you want to lead and when you get older, you may start to feel frustrated because you are trying to evolve but the person you settled with, is not going in the direction that you want to go.

Do you love yourself? This usually comes easier when the first two are answered in the affirmative. When you have a clear sense of your purpose and you are at your best then you can really get a sense of your value and really love yourself and that reflects out into your world and draws in people who will be loving towards you. When you love yourself, it is easier to set loving standards and make healthy relationship choices. The beautiful thing about life is you can hit the refresh button whenever you like and make decisions to create a better life for yourself. Decisions that will take you closer to the person you want to be and be with.

When people ask me how to find the love of their lives? I often say, you find the love of your life by living a life that you love.

This is why I started a workshop called PassionSpark. I am holding one this weekend actually and I want to invite you to register and come out. PassionSpark is not about the bedroom, which some people seem to think but it is about finding your passions and purpose and creating a spark in you that will fire you up to live and create your best life. This workshop is a mix of a seminar, brainstorming, coaching, inspiration and part networking. You’ll leave feeling encouraged, inspired and supported!

What would life be like if you were living your dreams? Some passionpreneurs who are living purposeful lives will be joining me this Saturday; Women like Ndidi Nwuneli, founder of Leap Africa, Director AACE foods and Tara Feladurotoye, CEO and creator of House of Tara cosmetics and Linda Ikeji, a blogpreneur and more.

Space is extremely limited though, so if you are interested, don’t dilly dally, strike while the iron is hot.

Saturday November 12th 2011, at The Lifehouse, 33 Sinari Daranijo Street, Off Younis Bashorun Street, Off Ajose Adeogun Street, Victoria Island Lagos. You can register by sending an email [email protected] or text 07056569959 for further information.

This is your life! Live it the best way you can!

Be well. Ekene

91 Comments

  1. Brenda

    November 10, 2011 at 9:36 am

    I love you! but totally disagree with this statement
    ” If your self esteem is low, you tend to attract people who will reinforce that state of being, by manipulating you, exploiting you or more”
    Lets be real please. Guys will always be guys and will make a move at any thing in a skirt! Trying their luck or what not. Doesnt mean that the girl has low self esteem. She could just be minding her own business when they flock to her.
    Now if you are talking about the girl entertaining their antics, then thats a different ball game entirely.
    All that oh you have high school diploma and want a degree holder is not a good argument in my opinion, taking a lesson from history.
    Some people are just blessed! Period. I know cases of situations where you wonder how a couple can actually be a match, when one barely finished through uni, whereas the husband is a really smart and vice-versa
    I agree with the other parts though-My philosophy in life has always been to keep living…be happy..do what you love and the right person will come at the right time.

    1
    • aah

      November 11, 2011 at 2:50 pm

      I think that the statement is very true whether you believe it or not. Just because a couple do not have the same educational qualifications does not mean they do not complement each other. What one lacks in education can be made up for in other areas and most importantly if you truly know your worth you will not settle for anything less you just have to be able to back yourself up not just be an empty vessel. So yes low self esteem attract people that will keep making you feel you are not good enough.

    • aah

      November 11, 2011 at 2:55 pm

      Totally unrelated but its my birthday week so A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all my fellow fly Scorpios/November babies out there 🙂

    • Ayo

      November 11, 2011 at 10:34 pm

      I was thinking along those lines as well. Not everything in this write up is really right

  2. Liv

    November 10, 2011 at 10:01 am

    this is lovely…well written ekene…am first again*yahhhhh*dancing alanta and azonto*

    • Damilola

      November 11, 2011 at 2:53 pm

      wasted dance moves…

    • Miss Margaret

      November 14, 2011 at 3:12 am

      That is so not fair! Her feathers have been ruffled enough…don’t add to her disappointment. Lol
      P.S why the alanta dance? Ehn

  3. Bisola

    November 10, 2011 at 10:02 am

    this message is just at the right time, i wish i could attend the program. lovely!

  4. Nnenna

    November 10, 2011 at 10:16 am

    pls throw more light on what to expect. God bless

  5. Deiz

    November 10, 2011 at 10:23 am

    True talk!..but then is the workshop free?

  6. C.D

    November 10, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Thoughtful piece. I agree totally with you. We have got to improve on ourselves to attract the kind of man we desire.
    Please writer kindly read through carefully for typo and grammatical errors before posting.

  7. Nomy

    November 10, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Motivational speaker? You are!

  8. Chloeze

    November 10, 2011 at 10:48 am

    sooo true! After a very bad relationship experience, i decided that i would no longer put the needs of any man before mine. I decided to focus on taking good care of myself and stayed off having any relationship for a year. And when i wasnt even searching, along came this man who refused to take no for an answer and when i took a good look at him, i realized he had what i desired in a husband and today we are married. It wasn’t easy at first because I was so used to putting myself last but am glad that made that decision.

  9. Bolanle

    November 10, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Good article! I agree 100% with everything that was said. I will only attract what i am at the time! This inspires me to make sure my current state is up to par so riff raffs and no hopers will not find their way to me! Amen lol

  10. Gennyz # 1 Fan!!!!

    November 10, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Hey Ekene, great post with a lot of valid points! Could you plsssssssssssssss hold another PassionSpark seminar for us that won’t be around until December? I would really appreciate it, I would definitely attend!

  11. Gbemi

    November 10, 2011 at 11:39 am

    wow!!!! Ekene your article is real and has life. The advice, the three most important questions are all true. I like this: you attract “who” you are not “what” you are. “Who” you are talks about your values/virtues/principles while “what” you are is simply external/material things. I am a christian who loves God, in that light i would advice singles ladies that in addition to Ekene write-up, seek the Kingdom of God like never before (matthew 6:33). Warm regards 🙂

  12. Mosunmola

    November 10, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Thank you! This is so TRUE.

  13. Vienne

    November 10, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    GBAM!!! “…you only attract what and who you are”. I remember putting up that quote on facebook once and got so not-so-nice comments from fellow girls.
    I’ve had my fair share of “wrong” toasters and have decided to put off dating for a while and change that part of me that attracts these “wrong” men

  14. show some love

    November 10, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Lovely piece. I advise everyone to also read The Lady, Her lover and Her LORD by Bishop TD Jakes. The book really helped me when i had serio sself esteem issues and just camout of an abusive relationship. Thankfully afterwards i met the love of my life whom i have been married to for a couple of years and Im grateful to GOD for leading me to the right person.

  15. Karen

    November 10, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Very nice. This is exactly what i need to hear @ this point in my life.

  16. Omozo

    November 10, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Interesting article.
    I would like to contact the lady in the image used for this article please. We are looking for women with natural / relaxer-free hair to interview. Thank you. http://www.onaturals.blogspot.com

  17. partyrider

    November 10, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Very well said..
    it goes not only for ladies looking for life partners, but in any relationship..
    you cant love another person well,if you dont love yourself.Loving yourself is knowing you deserve to be happy,knowing you deserve the best,knowing your WORTH, that you are beautiful and amazing..
    there is a lot of growing you need to do,get at it..reach for the stars,even if you dont get them you surly wont come down with mud in your hands..build yourself,and this stems from self realization..dont chill on a sofa,hoping a ‘perfect’ man or woman will drop from the sky.
    lastly,the most beautiful thing a woman can wear is CONFIDENCE!!

  18. Bibi

    November 10, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Well said! Right on point!!

  19. nkem minaj

    November 10, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    So are you saying that if you’re not at the optimal state of education, health, image or spirituality you cant find love? people find love on sick beds in hospitals, people without secondary or univ education can also find love. If Love is really there you will find that this is when you are at your optimal state not when you think you’ve met lifes requirements.

    • Sett

      November 11, 2011 at 4:42 pm

      thank you o. i thot i was the only one struggling with this write up. abi is it some people’s fault that they didnt make it overseas to obtain their bachelors degree? or that they have bad teeth cos their parents can’t afford braces? and now they don’t deserve and eduated guuy with good teeth?

    • LindsayLohan

      November 13, 2011 at 12:13 pm

      Nkem and Sett, are you both describing yourselves? LMAO.

      This is pretty simple if you read the article well. Based on what you guys are saying then a person’s optimal point COULD BE their sick bed. It could be with their bad teeth, but if you have bad teeth and are insecure, then find a good place and that IS your optimal point, how you feel inside, not what you look like. HOWEVER, you must come to terms with yourself and answer your own life’s questions…

      So no more pity party between you guys, okay? lol

    • ij

      November 12, 2011 at 7:17 am

      well said Nkem , there is not one way of finding true love, these days even Mrs right can fall for Mr wrong .The steps Ekene has highlighted in her article at best can increase your chances of finding Mr right but its not at all a guarantee. Personally,i think that the biggest point made by Ekene is to love yourself because it only when you love yourself that you truly realize your self worth and wont settle for just any rubbish person.

  20. dat babe

    November 10, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    e lo, love watinti, love gbakwuoku. Spare me that love of a thing. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppp, am firsttttttttttttttttt.

  21. Naya

    November 10, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Great read, Ekene. I recently made the decision to ‘hit the refresh button’ after a recent break up, and I’m glad I did. This article couldn’t have come any sooner 🙂 Thumbs up!

    Great read, Ekene. This is just what I needed to hear this morning. I just got out of a relationship and I cried for the first few weeks. Until I ‘hit the refresh button’ realised that it happened that way so I could build myself and be there for the right man

  22. Fiyin

    November 10, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    great article. I always believe the saying “IN ORDER TO FIND MR. RIGHT, YOU MUST BE MRS. RIGHT”

  23. H.A.W

    November 10, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    This is lovely..

  24. olamide ewuosho

    November 10, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    yipppee first!!! will comment later…………..nna duh!!!

  25. lily

    November 10, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    ok…this piece is good and inspiring. may not be easy to digest but certainly worth the trial.i discussed sumtin similar and u could look it up.
    http://lily-moregoodies.blogspot.com/
    Good job Ekene!

  26. MIKE

    November 10, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Preach! You made some valid points here…esp with the purpose aspect.Nice one

  27. nanly

    November 10, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    Nice, very inspiring writeup, i sure would love to attend the workshop, thank you.

  28. Babe

    November 10, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    yay first to comment! but yh I totally agree with everything said here, even though i am at the prime of my life, i figured just live life puposefully and meaningfully and the right man will cross ur path sooner than later 🙂

  29. Chattyzee

    November 10, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    First to comment! Yay! Beautiful article…

  30. Posh

    November 10, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    Awesomely Written !

  31. Dani

    November 10, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    Love this: You find the love of your life by living a life that you love. I shall live by it…

  32. sims

    November 10, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Ekene, Go straight to the koko, How much??

  33. Ronkz

    November 10, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Surprised no one has commented on this but if na wedding…people will be all over it. This article is ON POINT. Kudos Ekene.

  34. Mii

    November 10, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    first!! yay me!!…..now bck to the article, in my opinion God’s time is the best together with ur suggestions

  35. AbbyBee

    November 10, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    I found this to be an incredibly insightful article and certainly q

  36. AbbyBee

    November 10, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    I found this to be an incredibly insightful article and if this is a taster of things to come at the weekend event then I would most certainly recommend it to all those singletons out there who are struggling with finding the right significant other. Sometimes if we’re lucky, life and experience will enable all those three key elements to come together and you find yourself in a position in which you are personally content then out of nowhere it seems “He” or “She” finds you. It really does happen folks, you just have to ensure you’re worth finding.

  37. dami o

    November 10, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    beautiful pieces i actually jogged down some notes which will be useful to me!! it time i mediate on my self discovering thank you Ekene!!

  38. Chic

    November 10, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    you find d love of ur life by living a life that you love…..beautiful piece Ekene….wud try to be @ d workshop…….i rili nidded d words in dis article…thnks

  39. Naz

    November 10, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    now dats deep

  40. Ayo

    November 10, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Typical! Nothing to fault, so zero comments 🙂 Thanks for the words of wisdom, Ekene. May each of us be the right one, rather than seek the right one!

  41. Obi

    November 10, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    Wisdom far surpasses rubies and pearls. A wise woman has spoken!! Your advise Ms Ekene is also useful for married folk because as you mentioned, those in tight corners in their marriages as a result of failing to meet the “love thyself” rules you outlined, can use these techniques, and a lot of prayer, hard work, & perseverance to turn their lives around. Thank you.

  42. chinel

    November 10, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    All most all d even is in lagos u guy should try and bring one down to calabar

  43. Chi

    November 10, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    lovely 🙂

  44. Beauty

    November 10, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    This is inspirational!!!

  45. amber rose

    November 10, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    i particularly loved what u said about bringing to the table. i constantly ask my self what im bringing to the table. i have this friend who wants to rili get married and i asked her, wat will u bring to the marriage. after staring at me for a full 15 minutes(i counted), she nodded slowly and said ‘ erm, ahhh, well i will cook his meals and uh, have his kids?’. i pointed out that a housemaid can cook meals and even a bin-eating mad woman can bear kids. so while many ppl pray and fast for a good man/woman, they have no clue about themselves. they dont know what they want. what they will contribute. if u wanna attract a good person, just as Ekene has rightly said, u need to be right urself. u know, funny enuf, i seriously am grateful that im single right now. if i had marrried 5 years ago, im sure i might be on shaky legs. im wiser, more knowledgeable about my self, my life as a woman, potential wife and mother. that said, i truly loved dis article

  46. Mbieri Diva

    November 10, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Has any1 commented yet?

  47. ladyrocks

    November 10, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    BEAUTIFUL….

  48. tbaba

    November 11, 2011 at 12:21 am

    Nice Topic. Find it more than fascinating

  49. mary007

    November 11, 2011 at 1:15 am

    Spot on!
    I wish people will read and really learn a thing or two, I would send this to all my single friends desiring life partners

  50. shi

    November 11, 2011 at 2:14 am

    1stttttttttt!!!!!

  51. oma31

    November 11, 2011 at 3:42 am

    great piece, wish i was home to attend.

  52. tee

    November 11, 2011 at 8:50 am

    true talk!

  53. Jelly

    November 11, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Good writeup. Alot of of us ladies need to know and applly these things. About 4yrs ago I asked myself those questions; 1.Are you your best self?, 2.Are you doing your life’s work?, 3.Do you love yourself? and guess what i found myself. It was hard work but it was so worth it that 2yrs later He found me(when i wasnt desperately searching)and its been a learning and growing experience since then. I’ll be getting married come Dec 10th 2011 to a friend who found me growing and is willing to grow with me. Singlehood was a tough experience and am certain marriage will be tougher but am ready. 🙂

  54. biola

    November 11, 2011 at 9:57 am

    This is a nice initiative!!!! Would love to be there, but I am in Ibadan this weekend. Is this a one off program or does it happen periodically? Thanks

  55. Anne

    November 11, 2011 at 10:51 am

    I don’t really think this article is fair. Enough of blaming single people for not being their best self, as the reason they are single. That is too simplistic and not intelligent enough. How do you explain malicious people or substance addicts who are in (even happy, it has many meanings) relationships, are they somehow at their best selves? I know the easy comeback is that the writer mentioned that “if you are not at your best self, you may not attract the creme of the creme” but many single ladies I know are not looking for creme of the creme, just a good person, like they are.

    I admire that the writer is holding a workshop to help single people, but he/she may be helping them best by bringing together good, nice, decent people of BOTH sexes, not just women. So that there can be, you know, mingling. Because the best way to help a single person out of singlehood is not to preach to them to be better people, but to help them meet like-minded potential partners. This way, they will thank you forever!

  56. Emy ekere

    November 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    nice writeup. 10/10 shikena!!!!

  57. Esh

    November 11, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    hmmmmmmmm…..

  58. Som-T

    November 11, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Inspiring one dear….thumb up.

  59. Jones

    November 11, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    nah. i disagree!

  60. Sett

    November 11, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    Here is why i disagree. by saying you attract who and what you are, IMO implies that for whatever circumstantial reasons, if you are not well educate or from an affluent family, your odds of marrying up is slim to none. frankly, how can one change “who and what” they are? do you know so many good people don’t even get a chance in “Nigeria” cos they don’t have the pedigree? do you know how many born again sisters who “dwelled” in churches still end up with the crazy brother from Choir? abeg. my take is some are lucky and some not so lucky.

    • LindsayLohan

      November 13, 2011 at 12:23 pm

      Okay, we’ve heard. Your formula for love is luck, the same way some people believe making money is luck while others like Steve Jobs and Warren Buffet will tell you it’s hard work and determination.
      So people should just hope that if they have OND, they will snag a partner with Phd as opposed to doing the best they can with their OND? You can disagree all you like but Ekene Onu is bringing more tangible issues to the table and you’re not, so guess who people will listen to?

  61. BukiOni

    November 11, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Love is a mystery. There is no magic formula for true love, it’s a gift from God, when it happens it happens but in the meantime let’s crack on with living.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      November 14, 2011 at 9:43 am

      i agree its a gift…

  62. jennietobbie

    November 11, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Ekene, thank you boo. On point. Brutal and Honest!!

  63. Micheal

    November 11, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Nicepost..just seen some lives scenarios of meeting ladies who would laugh at you for holding an old version BB…some gurls so materialistic for sure….all they are looking for is what the guy’s got to offer. just someting to pitch in for sure…….a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage….before saying I do…pray hard and then be sure if you’re realy going into this for the right motives ’cause life is cyclical. aint nothing wrong for sure dating a wadded dude ’cause for sure money is good.

  64. queenimayya

    November 11, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    This article is absolute crap. So a woman who ends up with a guy who kills her attracted that into her life? How would the author explain why so many good for nothing women get married to wonderful men? I’m talking about women who sleep with married men, prostitutes, drug users, women who lie or steal and unfaithful women. On the other hand, many successful, talented and kind women with high self esteem are single and cannot find a good man.

    • LindsayLohan

      November 14, 2011 at 2:04 am

      Women who are abused by men (and even end up getting killed) have not brought it on themselves but they let it happen. At some point, they gave the men some kind of authority to get to that point by either not leaving or just waiting for him to ‘change’. EXCEPT of course in rare cases where things got bad before you could spell your name but mostly things build up to the point where it’s so obvious. Implicit approval is what it is…

  65. John

    November 11, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    I dont believe u attract who u are.We are in an information age and everyone wants the best.The competition for partners is getting tougher everyday……God help us all.

  66. ebele

    November 12, 2011 at 1:49 am

    This a beautiful write up and speaks directly to me, that is the reason why I love Bella Naija for beautiful life changing write ups and a general wave of postivity.
    Good luck with your workshop Passionspark I really love and admire Ndid Nwuneli and Tara they really fit the bill of people living purposeful lives, they are role models and make a difference but adding linda Ikeji to the mix pls????? She is in my opionion not in the least living a purposeful life, anyone who will allow such blantant display of negativity and unwarranted name calling of people who have done nothing to her on her blog to me show that the person is a very sad and lonely person.Bella I know u might not publish this but I know I speak for most pple who feel her negatvity shouldnt be emulated or celebrated. Thank you.

  67. Ekene Onu

    November 12, 2011 at 7:50 am

    For those who disagreed…wonderful! Isn’t that the beauty of dialogue and a place like bella naija, where diverse minds can connect?
    In any event, I am sure we can all agree on the fact that in the areas where it is possible, we as people can and should improve ourselves, to become our best. Marriage while beautiful and important is not the only thing in life. Even the Apostle Paul said this. Nigeria needs men and women to rise up and begin to be the change they want to see in the world and when we all begin to look at ourselves, understand our value, voice and authority and purpose then I believe we can do anything! Be well.

  68. Ekene Onu

    November 12, 2011 at 7:51 am

    For those of you that are coming today…I am looking forward to meeting you. We have an incredible line up of passionate men and women to share their insights on creating a passion based business. I will be sharing as well. “It’s gon be good!”

  69. ugowoundo

    November 12, 2011 at 10:10 am

    95% of people reading this and leaving comments are women,WHY……WHY…..the women should be asking themselves that.As a guy i can tell you ladies one thing though we want you to stop being too petty,tell God to feel you with the spirit of love and humility,….and tolerance….there is no near PERFECT out there.How come we don’t we don’t get guys saying stuff like i’m having a hard time getting a partner…..but as soon as the “doe” arrives the partner shows up sharply.

  70. unisex

    November 12, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    I believe no one can love you more than you can and this took me years to discover. The Love of your life should be yourself.

  71. Lily

    November 12, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    I think some people missed the point. It’s not about marrying ‘up’ or ‘down’, it’s not even about marriage. It simply is about being the best that you can be in any situation. While this article applies in the realm of marriage, it also applies in the realm of life and I believe that is what the author is alluding to. I absolutely agree that by living a life you love, you’ll find the love of your life be it a spouse, job, life purpose- whatever that love may be. Off to get my passion sparked 🙂

  72. muse origins

    November 12, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    That sounds like an interesting workshop

  73. Akanke-ade

    November 12, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    I am ending a marriage to a really nice man who is on a different part than myself and hope we can continue to be friends. You are so on point to say ” know thyself” oh boy I have changed from a “just chilling” to a ” there is purpose” and i totally believe that marriage is marrying yourself, loving yourself, self reverence, self honoring, self admiration ….I know the writer talked about improving yourself , sometimes that does not have anything to do with an MBA ( I see educated women trampled on) improving urself in my book is what do you say to yourself or see in yourself when you look at the mirror.
    Its easy to love Beyonce ,she portrays a nice image and conceals the rest…wink ( oh I love B she fab) but you cannot conceal none of you from you,u know all about u. This is why criticising others is harmful cos u will use the same tape rule to measure yourself unconsciously yet we are only human and to err is us. So self image begins to diminish if care is not taken as you know you and know where you have erred.
    I totally think attraction as ekene puts it is more of inside powering outside, forgiveness of self.
    I believe that once this takes place you cannot but attract a fellow noble being or otherwise.
    Hopefully this is still a comment not an article in itself….lol

  74. Afronubia

    November 12, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    I don’t agree with the article abeg. It’s purely textbook. I know a lot of good sisters out there who just aren’t lucky. Sometimes bad things happen to good people through no fault of theirs.

  75. Ashani

    November 12, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Whats all the fuss about being ‘first’ to comment??

  76. Nikki

    November 14, 2011 at 2:49 am

    Very thought-provoking words, came in at the right time…thanks Ekene Onu!

  77. jolly barikpe godwin

    November 14, 2011 at 7:34 am

    november 11 at 7:30 am i lve then and most of all i thank mtn 4 bringing out the beauly of naija, think its some good work, i need a choose life partner a women thanks.

  78. Temi

    November 14, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Dear ladies,
    Let me give my own point of view as a man maybe it can be of help

    1. I have realized most beautiful ladies don’t come out of their house and seldom go out or mix with people, yet they expect a man to come find them in their fathers house. What happens to a ripe orange that is left unplucked on a tree? it falls and gets rotten. No matter how beautiful and good you are (all those good traits as mentioned by some ladies up there), if you don’t go out, there is no way a man will get to see you. Some even go to church with their parents, get into the car immediately….no chance for any man to see you or walk up to you. Lighten up a little dearies

    2. Sincerely speaking, most ladies want some kind of men who could create some butterflies in them and to be candid, majority of those who do that are players (Majority i said) So when you meet a guy who teases you and you are immediately falling, be careful. Thats why good girls fall into the hands of bad guys.

    3. Majority of my female friends still dont want to date xtian guys/men. I have heard some say they aint romantic, they dont wanna talk about sex, they aint this they aint that. But to tell you the truth, dats not true. They are just some sets of fish canned inside a tin. (Understand that?) They are all that too, infact may be better off but you know they’ve got to wear their godly look.

    4. I also realize that its not as if girls dont get men, but majority of the singles have not come to understand that in Nigeria of today, when you see a wealth and ready made man- you ve got to be careful and ask yourself why he is still single. Most ladies want men with riches, good cars, very good jobs and none wants to grow with any man. I am not disputing the fact that its not a good thing -many have remained single cos they still searching for a rich man. Really, if you get a rich one, settle with him your God has blessed you but there is nothing bad in growing with your hubby. He should have some basics though but as long as hes got a regular paid job and hes visionary with prospects, i see nothing bad in it. Forget the fact that he ll dump you when hes so rich-that a demonic philosophy except you are dating a xtian by name not a xtian by heart.

    5. Ladies need to be decisive. Most ladies have guys abroad or somewhere and some other guys are interested in you. You like this one but you keep him waiting-hes so wise too, when you are ready for him, he ll tell you hes not doing cos you kept him as second option. If you have your God, pray to Him and let Him show you out of all the ones you have on you. Double dating does not only waste your time, it wastes your resources, wastes energy and one could lose at both ends.

    6. As you want to be loved, so also the guy needs some little care too. From a little research, have come to know that some ladies are full of themselves in the sense that they dont care about their guy, whether he eats, whether his family is ok, whether his work is going on fine, e.t.c. Some just meet the guy, talk about the girl and life in general, talk about the ladies issues or challenges, hang out… and the lady never bothers to ask if his side is ok. It is not a bad thing for you to buy a gift for your guy once in a while-although he may never ask for it, but make sure you do-it shows that you care. Calling him if he doesnt call you aint a bad idea. Lets reduce fronting- being yourself doesn’t reduce your worth or self esteem

    8. Our Character matters a lot. Lets be selfless, accommodating, caring, loving and positive in nature. Go into a relationship with a positive attitude and never act mean to any guy. Recently, a guy has been the one paying all the bills and he took the lady he wants to marry out to an eatery. When they got there, he realized his wallet was no where to be found after searching the car as he forgot it ahome on the chair they sat on. He asked they lady and that he will give her when they get home. They bought pizza and the lady took 3/4 of it. Surprisingly, when the guy dropped her off at her house, after all the discussions, the guy was about leaving when they girl echoed ” my mooneeeey”. The guy said he told her he will give it to her. He got home and called her whether he should bring the money that same night….the main thing is that the guy has been thinking of calling it off cos the lady cant drop a dime. He has been paying all the bills all this while but just a single night of forgetting the wallet at home, she couldnt either pay or wait for the following day to ask for her money….Character i said.

    9. Having done your own part, leave the rest to God. As God has His own role to play, we also have our own role to play. Do your part and leave the rest for God to crown all your efforts. Lets keep working on ourselves and leave the rest for God

    Cheers and blessings

  79. ore

    February 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    great post

  80. Nih

    May 27, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    nice one

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