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The Other Woman Speaks…Loving the Man and His Ring

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Jade* is a business associate who the BN team has worked with for almost two years. She is bubbly and tackles her job with the highest level of professionalism.
When she mentioned that she had a “story” for BN, We assumed that she meant a BN Prose submission but we were wrong. She wanted to share her story. We imagine “the other woman” as a seductive temptress but often times, it is the girl next door or the girl in the next cubicle who slowly but surely falls into the web.
We’ll say no more, read Jade’s story below.

****

Before you chastise me, please read my story to the end. I work somewhere on the island in a bank and he works in another branch, just two streets away from mine. I had visited his office a couple of times, not to look for him, but because I had some sort of business there. Well, he is not exactly my kind of guy – he is just too light-skinned, he almost looks caucasian. About 5 7’’, nothing really mind blowing about him. Wears black daily, never smiles. I would walk straight to his office; swing my hips to the left and right, wave to almost everybody, head straight, shoulder high, perfect smile in place. Everyone in his office would acknowledge my presence but he never did. If I was short or tall, it never bothered him, never lifting his face from his system. I guess that kind of endeared me to him.

I always wondered who the guy behind the system was, he never seemed to care until this fateful day when I was given a task and I had to present a strategy document to my boss. My boss was literally hysterical about the whole thing. In a bid to put up what I call the best strategy document I have ever put up till date, I needed to work with him ‘cos’ he is also very skilled in illustration/graphics. (So I heard and so it turned out all ‘cos’ I wanted some paparazzi in the document).

So, I rushed down to his office, then over to his desk, said hi and briefed him on the task and what I required from him. And there it was – his first smile. All I could mutter was ‘is he ok’? And he responded ‘I know what you are thinking’, ‘I know you very well’. I cut in to say ‘Oh no, it’s not that, it’s just that this job is life or death, my promotion is hinged on the success of this pitch, and you came in highly recommended’. He replies ‘No wahala, I will do the job and by the way, you have very lovely legs’. I blush and say a girly ‘Thank you’.

So we worked together for about 3 weeks, on a platonic level I must add, and then my bank got to win the mega account, had my promotion and my life was back to normal. Two weeks later, he shows up at my office, demands to see me from the receptionist. Just as I approach the reception, he rises from his seat, gives me a tight hug, and says he missed me, wants to have lunch with me. I was taken aback, but said yes. At lunch, we laughed, talked, and reminisced on working together. That lunch date was the beginning of many others. From lunch, to dinner, late evening walks and weekend dates, we became an everyday couple.

One day, we went the route of relationships, I had just come out of a 10 month relationship and he had a chick that he loved dearly, and was going to marry. So in my head, I was thinking, ‘He doesn’t love me, he just enjoys my company, as I do his’. Then the calls kept increasing, same with talk time, he literally became a part of my life, dropping me off at home daily after work, enquiring about my family and friends. It was too much for me. I was falling in love.

After 10 months of emotionally cheating with each other, silently getting angry when he was on the phone with his fiancée, and he getting angry if I was getting acquainted with another man, we both knew that we felt something strong for each other but never disclosed it. It was as if, disclosing it would hurt us both. He was going to get married, and I was going to find love someday.

So he got married, had his traditional wedding a weekend before his white wedding. Shockingly, he called me on those days for long hours. I asked where his wife was (at both times) and he said ‘I told her I was taking a walk’. So I asked further, ‘what are we doing? It’s scary’ He calms me down and says ‘Relax, we are not doing anything, we just like each other’s company, that’s all and it’s not a bad thing’. Then it occurred to me, OMG!!!., I’m in deep sh*t.

Postponed his honeymoon for a month, claimed he told her he had so much work at the office, called me at 12pm, the Monday after his white wedding and wanted us to meet. I show up convincing myself that I was just going for lunch with a friend and it meant nothing. We hug warmly, gave me a kiss on the forehead, hugged me again, and there it was – HIS RING. I can’t do this, I said, I simply can’t. I can’t love you and your ring.
He says to me that the ring around his finger is just a form of adornment and that there is a ring around his heart that is meant for me.

I couldn’t stop crying, it was all too much for me. Loving him for 10 months and now this— Secretly loving a married man.
He says I can do it – love him all the way, because he feels the same way and that life is so unfair. But then, how do I love a man and his ring?

245 Comments

  1. Truth be told

    February 15, 2012 at 8:13 am

    DON’T! You’ll always find love even better than this.shikena

    • meee

      February 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm

      SOME women and their porous brains ! If you think what you guys have is that strong how come you are not the one he decided to marry? THE MOST HURTING PART OF IT ALL IS THAT HE MET YOU BEFORE HIS MARRIAGE BUT DIDN’T LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO PUT THE RING ON YOUR FINGER !!! THAT HURTS DEEP !
      Grab a pint of ice cream and go soak in a tub of warm water, cry yourself to sleep girl, cause this is heartbreak. You’ll get over it in the morning.

    • Naijababe

      April 6, 2012 at 1:28 pm

      well said! I mean, I can’t say it any better… uh uh

    • maria

      August 2, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      if he truly loved you he would not have married her he would have married you so that stupid ring in is heart is a plaque from clogged arteries

  2. JOJO

    February 15, 2012 at 8:18 am

    it hurts like hell!!!
    so tight a-knot-in my tummy

  3. frivolities

    February 15, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Seriously? I read to the end, but there is no excuse. When you know a guy is in a relationship that’s bordering on marriage, you still swallow everything he says. you should have known deep down those were lies. I’m sorry, I don’t connect with you or your story.

    • dKULESTd

      February 15, 2012 at 10:17 am

      I totally agree, i honestly don’t relate at all to this, what kind of thing is this now, with all †ђξ love he has for U̲̅, he still took †ђξ other one down †ђξ aisle. Babe irrespective of how U̲̅ feel, always remember, if na U̲̅ b †ђξ oda babe nko??? I know U̶̲̥̅̊R not A̶̲̥̅̊ bad person, but true love doesn’t destroy, this is not love PLS GET OUT OF THIS MESSSSS FASTTT! U̲̅ war with God when U̲̅ break A̶̲̥̅̊ home! †ђξ dude has taken his vows oooo, ecery thing else his talking now is pure GRAMMERRR! Kisses  hugs, U̶̲̥̅̊R better will come, let go of this seeming good. ,

    • Boywonder

      February 16, 2012 at 3:13 am

      Go easy on her. As humans, we’re predisposed to reciprocate love and affection. Why do you think dogs are man’s best friend. So it’s understandable when we struggle with situations like this. It’s tricky when you’re in the middle of it, the picture becomes very blurry.

    • Brownsugah

      February 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm

      true word! if there was a “like” button i would have clicked!
      http://nitabrownsugah.wordpress.com

    • Inna

      February 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm

      There is nothing blurry here. You should stop making it sound like it is hard to do. In this life there is good and bad, you have to make a decision and stop making excuses.

    • liker

      May 21, 2012 at 2:14 pm

      clicking the “the like button”….we shouldnt be so quick to judge. its only when you find yourself in such a situation, that you know how this can feel.

  4. Annie

    February 15, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Nonsense

    • Tiki

      February 15, 2012 at 12:04 pm

      As in! somebody should bitchslap this girl upside the head, jumpstart her brain and get it working again ! You got played for a fool darling, and sweet words won’t kick it. You need to be RA-TION-AL about this and cut him out of your life the way a surgeon cuts out a cancer, coz that is what he is – a parasite living off you, and draining the life out of you.

    • Gidi

      February 15, 2012 at 2:16 pm

      You might end up bitch slapping half of the ladies around.

    • Akudo

      February 15, 2012 at 8:05 pm

      I second u Tiki, I wonder how guys get to use ladies most times. This is a perfect example of allowing a guy to sleep with u freely while in a relationship with someone else and HE NEVER has to apologise or feel bad cos to u, he is very honest and open….BULLSHIT.wake up gurl….u are simply cheap labour for him + how sure are u that u are the only one he is involved with other than the wife….we ladies can be so dumb at times.

    • meee

      February 23, 2012 at 9:39 pm

      Oh MY ! I am laughing so hard at your comment, Tiki ! LOL at jumpstart her brain !

    • Purpleicious Babe

      February 27, 2012 at 7:43 pm

      Could not have put it better….

      U will get over it… its just your emotions… God help u…. it going to be rocky..

    • wifey

      February 25, 2012 at 10:31 pm

      Annie say that againooo, absolute nonsense!

  5. Tai

    February 15, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Wow! Some deep s**t…My dear, take a walk. It’s one of the hardest things but trust me…you’ll be doing everyone good…By everyone i mean Him, His wife & YOU. You might have to cut all sorts of communication to do this by the way…Cheers!

  6. eniola

    February 15, 2012 at 8:22 am

    You don’t! Pick up what is left of ur heart and move on. Rhiana was wrong, u can’t find love in a hopeless place.lol!

    • Ada

      February 18, 2012 at 1:37 am

      GBAM! u just repeated d exact words i told my friend who was saying she n her boyfriend found love in a hopeless place like it was supposed to b a gud thing, i told her God forbid, dat her love must be hopeful o.. Rihanna certainly got it wrong, it was lust she found!

  7. nenye

    February 15, 2012 at 8:22 am

    seriously? do you really need people to comment? that guy is just fooling you and you are fooling yourself too. pls move on with you life and forget wateva thing you think is going on.

  8. OlaBombShell

    February 15, 2012 at 8:23 am

    I totally feel you, I could never judge you & commend your boldness. The ring confirms what your mind can not or will not conceive. I look at it this way if he had the opportunity to break the relationship because he loved you so much, why didn’t he. I know people will say well he already promised to marry her. But better to disappoint before the marriage than during. It goes further to show that he does not respect the institution itself. A covenant made with God, to love, honor & obey. Imagine if you were her & you found out that he was creeping with a colleague don’t fall for it, it’s a selfish way for an indecisive fool to play with your emotions. Your prince charming will come with no st(ring)s attached. I speak so strongly about this topic because I was in a similar situation. Only the bastard was my ex & came slithering over, posing as a victim in a confusing relationship. I thank God I never gave my body to him. My emotions were straightened out once I snapped out of my temporary insanity. The longer you stay in the relationship, the farther away you are from finding your own true love. My advice: RUN & FUN FAST! He won’t leave her & there’s nothing in it for you.

    • Mo

      February 15, 2012 at 9:31 am

      Well said.This is wonderful and it summarizes every thing

    • hauwa b.

      February 15, 2012 at 10:09 am

      Ola has spoken the plain truth. Run Girl, please for your sake RUN

    • iya oloja

      February 15, 2012 at 11:38 am

      Clapping out Loud! Ola u have said it all! Exactly what she needs to do…

    • MOI

      February 15, 2012 at 1:27 pm

      absolutely true. he wouldnt leave so RUN.

    • Mafia

      February 15, 2012 at 4:12 pm

      Ola’s got it right, and I do hope you read this. He doesn’t respect the vow he made to God and in front of witnesses; he doesn’t respect the woman he made those vows to. Lady, he wont respect you, and he certainly wont Love you. Even if he thinks or believes he does, its a selfish love that is all about his needs. Please dont keep falling for his lies. You obviously know what you need to do. Run! Lady, run! From your story, I can see how you could have fallen into the pit, but you now KNOW that it is wrong. There is NO excuse for you to stay where you are.

    • Nnenna

      February 15, 2012 at 5:57 pm

      I definitely agree with you! If he felt soo strongly about you…10 months was enough time to break up his other relationship and get with you. Bullocks!!!

    • jmayaki

      February 16, 2012 at 6:33 am

      abi o. its messy. jade get out fast. in fact, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

    • BeantowneShawty

      February 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

      Well said babes.! I hope she reads this profound testimony and RUN FAST for dear life. … xoxo

    • fairweatherfriend(not)

      May 11, 2012 at 6:43 pm

      Honestly, there’s nothing in it for you. He may not be lying outrightly but he doesn’t care to be truthful. He is selfish as well. Help yourself and him by getting out sharply. Simple truth is if he wanted you that much, he would have married you. Had a similar story, only that he stuck with me and we have been married for 4 yrs.
      So its black and white if you want to see it that way.

    • Adetutu

      May 18, 2012 at 10:28 pm

      Excellent line of thought Ola. Same thing almost happened to me to d extent that colleagues started thinking we were a pair. I had to break it off and give myself brain…If he wanted you, he would have broken up with the other lady and sister…put yaself in the other lady’s shoes. would u like same done to u?

    • sede

      August 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

      I agree with you the longer you are in the relationship, the farther u are away from your man”

  9. Chi

    February 15, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Wow!

  10. Ayokunle

    February 15, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Wow….!!

  11. Ncyluv

    February 15, 2012 at 8:25 am

    @ nenye my point exactly.

  12. modupe

    February 15, 2012 at 8:26 am

    pls run for ur life o. d guy is an idiot, he has wife n he still wants u abi. oloshi

  13. kiki

    February 15, 2012 at 8:26 am

    babe, cut him off totally…cold turkey style. he cannot eat his cake and have it. you deserve a man whose ring on his finger AND heart belongs to you alone. i know its not easy but believe me at the end of it all you will thank God that you cut him off. stay strong babe

  14. CC

    February 15, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Jade I don’t think anyone reading this will feel sorry for you. Whatever validation you’re seeking from this situation, you won’t find it. He chose someone else not you, so don’t feel special. You’re not special to him, just available & gullible. Move on.

  15. Zeggy

    February 15, 2012 at 8:28 am

    I discussed this same issue with a colleague of mine this morning. And my advice to her was to tell the damn married man -‘Get thee behind me, married man’. And when she wakes up in the morning when she is praying, after rebuking the devil, she should rebuke him as well.
    It is plain selfish for him to keep you as a lover and still be married to someone else. It can be likened to eating his cake and still having a large chunk of it in his fridge. If he truely cares for you as he claims, he should set you free so you can find your own man and be truely happy. Carpish

  16. annmarie

    February 15, 2012 at 8:29 am

    my dear jade…if your guy really loved you, he wont have gotten married…forget that crap about a ring meant for you being around his heart..that is the most CHEESY AND RIDICULOUS THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!….the truth is he married the woman he truly loves in front his family and friends and he accepted her vows and ring in their presence and not in the presence of lungs, arteries and cells surrounding his heart with an invisible ring on it…the man is taken..move on and find your own. goodluck hun

    • Gorgeous

      February 15, 2012 at 11:54 pm

      loooool, so on point this comment. Cells, arteries and all the other organs. LMBAO!!!

  17. i so feel you

    February 15, 2012 at 8:30 am

    I soo feel you. It happened to me to.you seem not to know when it start and just find yourself in the middle of it. But the truth is we deserve better ! Yesterday is history we still have today let’s just move on though it hurts esp. The fond memories but like a friend told me ‘hey forgive yourself truely & move on!

  18. ije

    February 15, 2012 at 8:36 am

    you cant love him & his ring! u deserve to be loved & happy trust me if he really loved you he should have called off the wedding postponing the honeymoon aint werking for me.

  19. http://dakkylove.blogspot.com/

    February 15, 2012 at 8:37 am

    To be honest i was always the one who turned up my nose on people who became the other woman, marriage is sacred and i believe in the philosophy “don’t do to others what you will not want done to you” but as i became an adult and saw the reality of things this story sounds eerily familiar,there are so many instances of decent, beautiful women who did not go out looking for another woman’s man but one way or the other they find themselves in this type of situation….still at the end of the day as difficult as it sounds Love is a choice, women who find themselves in similar situations should just walk away, it’s difficult but it gets more difficult the more involved you become with him….the men will play the “life is not fair” card..”if i only met you earlier…” card the truth is well he did not meet you first and now he belongs to someone else, the emotional trauma is not worth it, walk away you will find Love the right way not like this. that’s my take

  20. ayesha

    February 15, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Tough call but oould you have been secretly hoping he would leave his girl or call of his wedding for you? He’s married now please stay away from this scum bag. He wants to eat his cake and have it.If you were good enough you would have had the ring.

    • A.D

      February 16, 2012 at 1:57 pm

      I really don’t mean to come across as a ‘know-it-all’, but its EAT YOUR CAKE AND HAVE IT, not have your cake and eat it.

    • Chief Oloja

      February 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm

      @A.D Is that all you can contribute to this serious national issue? 🙂

    • ES EE WHY I

      February 18, 2012 at 5:57 pm

      unfortunately wah she said is even correct……dont know wah ur saying sha.

    • Uche

      June 1, 2012 at 5:48 pm

      Can’t even read properly. ITK. It’s funny how whenever people put up such disclaimers “i dont mean to come across as…” and proceed to spew rubbihs, they end up coming across as that thing in the disclaimer! ITK!

  21. Beverly

    February 15, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Flag on the play! My, such strong feelings for someone you have not had relations with. Seems to me this little girl is looking for someone to validate what she has done and will continue to do. Look here, do what you will but be prepared to put on your big girl panties on for consequences.
    It is easy when the man does not belong to you, it is easy when you do not put in the work. It is easy to love the man and how wonderful he is when you do not have to deal with his dirty draws daily.
    As for him, he knows he is as wrong as two left shoes.

  22. babylawyer

    February 15, 2012 at 8:45 am

    You don’t! The guy is ridiculously selfish! Why didn’t he realize there was a ring around his heart for you before he got married? In all of ten months? Whatever excuse you might want to drum up in his defence, two things are basic – he is either completely selfish and insincere, or he is incapable of making tough decisions. Neither of them is a good look. Waka fast!

  23. omolere

    February 15, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Dats serious but its better u move on with ur life

  24. Silky

    February 15, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Sweetie, you are in a relationship with a “newly” married man. How long do u think it’s goin to last. I understand the whole love thingy, but seriously, u are just being fed a load of crap by this guy. In simple terms, he wants to eat his cake and have it. Hard as it may seem, walk away. You are so being played and if u dont believe me, read ur lines again abt the ring on his heart and that adornment on his hand. Seriously, who the heck cares about the one around his heart, they are only interested on the one on his hand, n thats nt u. Which should tell u something, ua are nt of that much iomportance to him. I wish u luck…

  25. Lola

    February 15, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Please think about the cost if you go ahead with him. You’ll hurt yourself and other people which is selfish. Love is not selfish. Let go…fast!

  26. IVORY

    February 15, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Oh dear me,if you truly know what’s good and healthy for you,flee!!!! He has nothiing for you!! He’s only gonna complicate your life the more and prolly you’d be heading to the rehab!!!!MEN…..MEN……!!!!! Please dear,guard your heart and don’t trade it for a short term pleasure.Be wiser than the serpent

  27. DubaisoontobeMalaysiasands

    February 15, 2012 at 8:55 am

    absolute crap! reads like a teenage tawdry affair… and the writer is a professional presumed adult? abeg she should go and siddon.

  28. Pran

    February 15, 2012 at 8:56 am

    you know what…… I was in the same situation – A little deeper even. And I’ll be the first to tell you that prior to this, I always thought “the other woman” was always a stupid hoe or seductress. My experience showed me that even the toughest girls (I assume myself to be in this category) can “fall” when caught in their weakest moments.
    In our case, we had been friends for years, but he didn’t admit to “loving me” until he was already engaged (about 8 months to his wedding) and I had always secretly had a crush on him that grew over time – only I didn’t realize or admit it to myself. The days got more and more difficult because I knew he was engaged and every fibre in my being knew it was wrong to care for him, even though I convinced myself it was okay since it wasn’t official Yet. However, when the days to his wedding started rolling by, especially when he called me the morning of his wedding – I told him that if he didn’t really love her, he wouldn’t get married to her… regardless of what he felt for me or expected from me. And that if he did go ahead and get married, he needed to keep his vows to God & his wife, and lose my number for a while – a long LONG while. I didn’t want to become anybody’s prayer point! On his wedding day, I cried and CRIED and thanked God for saving me from myself. Deleted his numbers and blocked his calls/emails for the next several months.
    Fast-forward 5yrs later – I’m in a loving relationship and he’s in his marriage. We barely ever talk because he seems to think it’s okay to randomly say “I love you” but I know God loves me too much to make me anybody’s mistress. I’m truly glad I had the strength to cut him off. You need to do the same. It won’t get easier immediately, but it will be worth it in the long run – for you both! If you try to keep him as a friend, in any capacity, you will probably end up being his mistress. The Bible says to “flee from temptation,” not that you should test how strong you are in the face of temptation. I learnt this the hard way.

  29. nkiru

    February 15, 2012 at 8:57 am

    seriously, take a walk witout lookin back, save urself dis heartache now…its hard but dat just d way out. “Damn, u need to exhale and move on.” love is out there waitin 4u

  30. emi

    February 15, 2012 at 8:57 am

    wow!!!!!!!!!!!! this is serious mehnnnnnnnnn and since this is not fiction, i am going to give my own two cents on this marra. babe in this your blissful ten months when “nobody was married” if he loved you he should have done something about it. As romantic as this your story sounds and believe me i’m a hopeless romantic it still seems to me that he wants to eat his cake and have it. If he truly loved you, the way you love him then he should have done something about it before he got married to someone else it would have been the a hot mess but it would have been the honorable thing to do. Now i’m sure this guy is a wonderful person but he’s not being honorable in this matter. ‘cos seems to me he’s planning on continuing to cheat on his wife. That said though, love is such a beautiful sweet thing and it has a way of coming at the most inconvenient of times and when you least expect it. It’s even more difficult in this society of ours where the pressure to get married is immense and you find people committing to people they do not necessarily feel the intenseness of mad passionate love for. But still once you’ve made the decision to commit to someone else, honor behooves you to stay committed to them passion or not. So my dear girl leave this man and his marriage in peace. For your own sake, your own honor , your own future and your own sanity. And you never know what love has in stock for you. At least you’ve learnt a lesson from this … never commit to anyone unless you feel this mad passionate intense love for them society be damned ..pardon my french

  31. tbn

    February 15, 2012 at 9:00 am

    I think you deserve more than this relationship for your peace of mind. If you don’t talk to your head and leave him now You’ll end up staying with him for many years and losing ur opportunity of meeting your own man and regreting your decision to stay with him.. Then he’ll tell you he will leave his wife after a few years and get married to you, which would never happen. And You’ll keep on waiting until you realise you’ve been deceived all along. Not to talk of the curses (through prayers ) his wife wld be pouring on you when she discovers her hubby is with someone who wants to destroy her marriage. Let me tell you what is bad is bad no matter how much it seems good, it won’t end well. Leave another woman’s husband alone. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. My two cents.

  32. Lady G

    February 15, 2012 at 9:01 am

    My dear, ‘take a work’, because the handwritting is boldly written on the wall. Don’t fool yourself around him. He is married and that’s for sure he can only make you a public ridicule. You have a man whom God has destine for you. Just keep Praying for God to show you the single man who is your husband and stop wasting your energy.

    • pretty

      February 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

      walk you mean.

  33. chykaolive

    February 15, 2012 at 9:01 am

    I totally connect with this story, sometimes in life, we hardly open up to the obvious truth and make a life saving decisions. We leave it and get everything well messed up. Both of u knew what u felt for each other but never confronted or rather ignored it, (maybe the guy was waiting for you to show him signs that you were soo into him). Now he’s married but still in love with u. My dear, it is hard, difficult and seem impossible but YOU have to move on because he made his choices(couldn’t man up to make decisions), cut all communication with him and try to re-direct your life without his shadow lurking around anywhere(it’s hard but you have to do it for YOU) If he’s man enough to follow his heart honestly, let him do what he must do, look for you (that’s if you are still available) and finish what you guys started.

  34. icex

    February 15, 2012 at 9:03 am

    My dear if he really loves Ʋ as he claims he wld hv dumped his fiance 4 Ʋ.I hv bin there&trust me there is mre shit 2 cum so Ʋ beta brace ursef &walk itz hard I knw bt 4 ur sanity sack quench dis fire b4 it consumes Ʋ.

  35. sandra moses

    February 15, 2012 at 9:06 am

    ask me about dis i no, babes ask for a transfer and move on with ur life. its going to be very hard but u can do it dearie.

  36. PHILLIPST

    February 15, 2012 at 9:15 am

    First things first, its definately not going to work. dis has DISASTER written all over it. But lets be honest who has ever experienced ”sweet pain”, and pushed it away. there’s something about the human mind dat kind of simply attracts U to dt which it shuldnt. and here U are hoping against common sense dt its all for d best when a part always knew wht d end wld be

  37. H.A.W

    February 15, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Ah! God forbid.. Please my dear WALK AWAY!! It is hard but you are not doing yourself any goood. It hurts oh it hurts.. I know but this is worse and you won’t like it.. Forget the whole adornment on his finger and heart yarns (quite washy abeg)… Walk away… If he loves you so much, why didn’t he marry you since he enjoys your own company and not his new wife…

    This life mehn.. the things ladies go through… this can lead to depression.. Just take a walk and pray..

    crap!

  38. Bolanle

    February 15, 2012 at 9:20 am

    As much as I feel for you dear Jade, I would honestly tell you to pick your shoes and run. I do not doubt the fact that the both of you feel for each other but at this point in time. I believe that you have more emotions for him than he does for you. He could have called it quits with his wife,while he was dating the both of you and move on with you. How come he did not do that? Please this is just wrong, do not date a married man, cause if he did not leave her for you while he was dating the both of you, he will surley not leave his wife for nothing on this earth. At the end of the day you do not want to be the reason why a home breaks apart. I pray that you read each of the comments that have been made. And that you do not fall into the trap of being a mistress for years and eventually lose out at the end of the day. There are good men out there, and hopefully you will meet yours. It sounds easier said than done, especially if there are emotions involved but my dear, you better go through it now, than being a mistress for 10 years and he ends up dumping you like a bad habit. This is really not about him but more about you and your future and now you still have the power to influence it. You have a good job, a career, please do not let any man mess you up like that. We have too many women that did the same thing and bitterly regret it, thinking these men would leave their wives for them. Please wake up fast from your slumber!

  39. Dahlia Voka

    February 15, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Thanks Bella Naija… u are the best when it comes to these kinds of stories

  40. Ms. Sassy Eyes

    February 15, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Its simple he married someone else and not you.

  41. Raliah

    February 15, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Wow. Dats deep. Life is so unfair.

  42. Asakeismyname

    February 15, 2012 at 9:32 am

    I don’t understand Jade’s beef… the guy was honest from the get go and told her plainly he was somebody else’s property… the fact that he’s married is that not enough reality check for you… Please have some self respect and move on with your life… If he really gave a damn about you he would have married you rather than his chic. Shio
    you should not entertain him any further… it’s not pride its self respect!

  43. T4Toyin

    February 15, 2012 at 9:36 am

    You deserve much better than this!!! This is obviously a case of a man trying to have his cake and eat it too. It’s hard for me to understand why you didn’t walk out when you realized he was in a commited relationship. Unfortunately, his wife is the victim in this situation…poor lady probably does not have a clue.

  44. aji

    February 15, 2012 at 9:40 am

    “Let he without sin cast the first stone”. I am sure most of those ladies castigating the writer av dated married men at a point or the other. “I never knew he ws married”, “Did not fall in love wit him”, “was young & naive then”, “it was just runs”. Yes, u av ur own reason, she has hers. As a man wit 2wives, even I would advise u 2 walk away (hard as it may), bt u av nothin 2 be ashamed off. Only those who av been there can truly understd how u feel. 2 many hyprocrates here

  45. the Wise fool

    February 15, 2012 at 9:40 am

    It was evident from the get go that he is a dodgy man. Why is a man in a committed relationship complimenting the legs of a girl he is speaking with for the first time? And why did you not have a problem with that?

    Why would you want to be with a man who is emotionally cheating on someone he is meant to be committed to? Clearly he lacks the integrity and moral uprightness to stay truly faithful to his wife. It is evident that this man is unfulfilled in his life and with his relationship with the wife, and is USING you to fill the emptiness. Even if he divorced her tomorrow, he would not necessarily settle with you. Were you even invited to the wedding? I doubt it.

    You guys aren’t friends. Men like this prey of weak women like you who are loose with their emotions. Ring around my heart? RING AROUND MY HEART?

    • Mo'

      February 15, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      Thank YOU!!!!! You’ve said it all.

  46. Adaeze

    February 15, 2012 at 9:41 am

    hmm…im kinda in your shoes and i never thought i would ever be. in my case, we started talking in Dec and he’s getting married in may. We get on unbelievably well and his fiancee is not around. We have talked about our feelings for one another and we are trying to put checks in place to control it- we don’t hang out together outside of the office as we work together. BUT We still chat round the clock and he stops by my desk ever so frequently.
    He took some days off work and i’ve had a think about it all.
    Its sheer madness and i’ve resolved to cut him off totally. (thanks to Glory’s ‘cold turkey prescription’!) I’ve initiated the process and should use the surgical blade to sever the ‘friendship’ permanently when he resumes by God’s grace. (amen!). No more bbing and he should desist from stopping by my desk.
    Maybe your case is a bit worse but please the guy is utterly selfish. I advice you go the ‘cold turkey’ route too. God’s grace is sufficient for u! Huggs

  47. chee-chee

    February 15, 2012 at 9:42 am

    I seriously dont understand why some married men would keep a woman at home, stay married to her and go on to profess undying love to another single and unattached woman outside, and how the women would be so gullible to believe the men and continue to play the part of the other woman!

  48. Jelly

    February 15, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Dear Author,

    Don’t do it not because you can’t but because it’s a lost cause. If he loved u and valued your company he should have married u. He made his choice. Sweetheart not because you hate him just don’t let him eat his cake and have it. 🙂 your man will find you in short he maybe lurking in the corner but this married dude is screen blocking you from noticing! please let him go and ur hurt will heal in time 🙂
    1love.

  49. gitfy tity

    February 15, 2012 at 10:04 am

    this is just plain crazy, the guy is just mean and selfish, hooked to another and giving you the green light. my dear the guy is hooked tightly, we are talkin marraige not friendship. so get over him already, b4 you do something you will regret

  50. sallyyabeh

    February 15, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Please leave the selfish guy oh. It may be hard but your God will see u through if you hang unto him. If he loves you as much as he claims he will definitely want you to be happy.

  51. ab_olu

    February 15, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Are u kidding me?!!??! I haven’t been in this situation before so I CANNOT understand where u are mentally/emotionally. But I am telling you, this is a Selfish man and you need to walk before it gets any worse. You are a woman and you need to think about the other woman in this (his wife). Put yourself in her shoes, he postponed her honeymoon. Do you REALLY want to be with a man that treats his own wife like that? This man is sick and you deserve real love. Life is too short, do not waste yours

  52. Fashionista

    February 15, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Too many hypocrites out there! Jade i wont chastise you cos like one or two people said, there are many upright women who have found themselves in this situation and they werent looking for it. Try your hardest to leave him, you’ll thank yourself later.

    • Ona

      February 15, 2012 at 9:46 pm

      There are so many “upright” women who have found themselves in such situations and they werent looking for it? Really? How can upright woman knowingly carry on a 10 month affair with another woman’s man?! Its not like Jade didn’t know all along o…she knew he was engaged and still delved in….how would u feel if u were that man’s wife?….having ur useless hubby leave u right after ur wedding to go talk to his mistress for hours and then postpone ur honeymoon for his mistress?! Since u don’t think she’s wrong, then i wish u the same (Say amen o!)

    • Hut jake

      February 25, 2012 at 7:54 pm

      Ona, let he that standeth take heed lest he fall. That’s what I read in my Bible. There is something called emotional hijack, which can happen to anyone. I repeat, anyone! Even you can fall at any time. Pls don’t judge people. Empathise instead. I pray when your own temptation comes you will be able to stand.

  53. Ginika

    February 15, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Just like everyone has said, for your own sanity and your own well being walk away.

    Let me also point out that for 10months, surely if he was convinced that you were his wife, he would have ended up marrying you but he didnt. Have you ever tried asking him why he didnt marry you instead, if he claims to really, really love you?

    Walking away will be the hardest thing, you’ll probably cry, you’ll at some point have to sit on your hands so you dont pick up the phone to call him. Why I’m telling you to walk away is for the following reasons:

    1. For your own sanity.
    If you continue, you’ll end up falling deeper and deeper inlove with him and you’ll just get frustrated that your not getting enough attention. You’ll always get the ‘remainder’ of his attention and commitment. His first priority will be his newly formed family. He’ll go ahead and have kids etc and all not with you. He is basically taking up your time and opportunity to find your own happiness, solace, peace, haven etc. Someone who will treat you as his number one. He seems to be a person who stalls and avoids taking important decisions and would rather go with the flow until there is a serious disaster, thats risky.

    2. If the situation was flipped around, how would you feel.
    Imagine if you met him first, and in the beginning there were sparks and flames. Then as you dated for a while and your relationship has reached a point where the fire and spark seems to be diming out. Then he meets this interesting young, beautiful girl that is reigniting the flames in his heart. He should be trying to reingite the flames for his newly wedded bride. Relationships are hardwork, the easy way is to always bailout when the sparks and flames are diming out, and then start from scratch never really completion. When you over come that dry stage as a couple together, you enter another level and type of love till it goes through its trial stage; when you complete that stage again together, you enter into another level of love; and on and on it goes. At somepoint, the woman will realise and she’ll fight for her man. In the end you’ll either end up being kicked out and alone or you’ll break that marriage. If you do break it, bear in mind that there’ll be conseqeunces of that action.

    3. He is just preventing you from moving on to get your own, number one.
    I’m sure you want your own family. I’m sure you’ve dreamnt of how you’ll run your home. How cutely dressed your daughters and sons will be. How you’ll plan family holidays. How you’ll keep the spark alife in your family. How you’ll build your family empire. How you wont feel guilty staying at his house cause it is your home. You’ll decorate your home according to your taste etc. My dear the longer you stay, the hardened your heart becomes towards other men, and hence you may block out a good man (the best for you).

    This is a trial your going through. I pray you rise above it and enter the next level. Just like in a video game, there are different levels and each level comes with its obstacles but when you defeat it, you enter the next level. If you overcome this, you’ll lean how to love careful, how to detach your love from your feelings but base it on your decision to constantly care for that choosen one; when you base your love on the decision to constantly care and not how your mood or how your feeling, you enter another realm of loving called Agape Love. Thats my theory and I learnt it through a very had practical lesson similar to yours.

    All the best

    • Ginika

      February 15, 2012 at 10:15 am

      Forgive my bad ass punctuation and formation of my sentences.

    • Chinel

      February 15, 2012 at 11:54 am

      very well said! i like the last paragraph.

  54. Nk

    February 15, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Oh! Jade move on. That guy is an idiot and does not deserve your love. He is only playing on you emotions and availability. Get your own man, u deserve a better life.

  55. Ima

    February 15, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Awwww. Been there, done that. Truth is…if he really wanted to be with you, he would have made it happen. Take a walk, girl! I did, and I’m loving myself and my life more and more every day. Hugs.

  56. I talk am

    February 15, 2012 at 10:23 am

    NONSENSE!!! I’m very much single but once I find out a guy has a girlfriend, even if I’m secretly in love with him, I take to my heels. Now, you are dealing with a married man O_O Please sister, help him focus on his marriage by leaving him alone. It may be difficult but please ignore him

  57. Homely

    February 15, 2012 at 10:29 am

    ..More like ring around he’s ‘manhood’…Total rubbish. Wo Jade, if you know wots good for u, leave dat MAN! cos wen he’s done with u, u’ll ave a ‘GUN’ around ur own heart.

  58. lade

    February 15, 2012 at 10:31 am

    I have been here before and trust me except your are not telling the whole story these things get deeper than you have written here **wink** **wink**. But without sugar coating the truth and being all sentimental and emotional, he is a VERY MARRIED MAN who belong to SOMEBODY ELSE and that somebody AINT YOU my dear. The thing is men like this (and there are many of them) are very selfish but that should not excuse our weakness as women. I totally understand that its a very tough place to be but the only way out is to CUT HIM OFF ENTIRELY!!! It never gets easier to handle and you cannot be ‘just friends’. Think about it this way, after hanging out and having a great evening, he will go back home to her while you go back home to your cold bed only with painful memories of the time you spent together while he’s having a blast with his wife at home! The feelings you think you have are like smoke you see it and smell it but you cant touch it, feel it, own it or describe it so what is the point! Nuff said!

    Its a long walk but you need to get up and start walking my dear, walk far away from this guy because he wont do you any good.

  59. Temi

    February 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Gyl, true is the adage that only he that wears the shoe knows how it pinches”. 2 yrs ago, i was exactly where you are. It was post NYSC and the jobs were not dropping like mangoes the way i’d envisaged. He was in HR and had been married for 6 yrs without an issue. We met, became friends and somewhere in my “crazy mind” i assumed i was doing his wife a favour by keeping him occupied since i “can never in my life date a married man”. At least that was wot i told myself. 10 months later, we were unofficially an item and were finishing each other’s sentences. Even when everyone around was raising eyebrows, i told myself that we were just friends. Only dat i felt pain whenever “She” called or he had to cancel a date. I fasted, prayed, delete his numbers, re-added them, deleted again, finally memorised them and all the while fended off admirers because i did not want complications. Honestly, it was torture. Looking back now, i cannot imagine how i got the strength to remain sane during that period. It degenerated to the level that i searched for the wiffy on fcbk, stared at her pictures and quizzed acquintances, just to know if she was a good wife. All this while i hated myself but just could not stop. Even when he asked for a month break (she had a miscarriage) i was happy to have him back, all because “no one could understand me like he could”. My saving grace at the end was the hatred i felt for myself for what i had become. I fed on this hatred and found the strength to let go. Its been almost a year, thankfully, i found a guy who is crazy about me. Even though we still talk and occassionally see each other, i am happy that all of that is in the past and my life is on the right track. My advice is take your time, try not to give in. it will not be easy but you can do it. something better is just around the corner, do not settle for less.

    • OKE

      February 16, 2012 at 4:30 pm

      I can relate. In my own case, the guy wasn’t and still isn’t married. But he had a serious girlfriend. We met, became friends, then I developed a crush on him which eventually grew into love. We kept hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. I didn’t tell him how I felt about him and I don’t know if he ever guessed. Maybe he just saw me as a friend, but I kept hoping he would ask me out, even though I constantly told myself that I would not let him break up with his girlfriend for my sake. I kept on checking her out on Facebook & Twitter. When they had problems and separated for some months, I hoped they wouldn’t get back together. All the while, I knew I was being selfish.

      Somehow, they reconciled and came back together. It was at that point that I decided to give myself some brain and move on with my life. It was a painful decision but I knew it was do-able. Right now, I’ve put so much distance between us. I haven’t seen him in a long while and I don’t talk to him often. He probably won’t understand the reason I’m drifting cos I never told him how I felt in the first place. But in the end, it’s all for my good.

      I met a nice young man last month. We’re still getting to know each other and hopefully, something good will come out of it.

      So Jade, you need to move on with your life. Matters of the heart could be dicey sometimes. Don’t settle for 2nd best. He was never really yours in the first place.

    • You said well

      April 17, 2012 at 11:59 am

      Only you here, and myself totally feel this young lady. Its easy to judge when you haven’t been in the situation. from all i have read nobody’s is as close to mine, its not the matter of time but the depth of what it became.

  60. maryam

    February 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!! It shouldnt have started in the first place, if he really loves you like he said he wont have married the other woman. For him, there must something special about her. his presence may just be stopping Mr right!

  61. Aibee

    February 15, 2012 at 10:54 am

    This dude does not love you, simple. He had 10 months to break up his engagement and be with you. He didn’t. He went ahead and married her. If he loved you, he would have choose you. He didn’t. If you continue to date him, you will be doing yourself a great injustice. Your own man will come to you, in good time. This guy has no respect for his wife, his God, and the vows he took on his wedding day. I can bet that he will cheat on you with someone else. Too much drama dear Jade. You are better off without him.

  62. OPEYEMI SANNI

    February 15, 2012 at 10:57 am

    babe, u beta take a long walk away 4rm him n let it sink into ur head properly dat he’s married n he hs 2 go. drop every sentiment. urs wil definately come, hang on, pessistence will definately cause more harm.

  63. Tomisin

    February 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

    IMO advice is what we seek when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

  64. alice bassey

    February 15, 2012 at 11:04 am

    well it sucks so bad and been the fact that am in the same position though he is yet to get married but will very soon,there is no need for her to continue and hurt herself, just get over with it and move on. though am not in the best position to advise you cos times without number have tried asking what am doing with him even when he says its over, we still spend time together whenever the opportunity arises. even though we love each other he just cant have me. so dear friend just close your heart on him.

  65. ama

    February 15, 2012 at 11:10 am

    well…i think you shd just run…thats why i never befriend guys with girlfriends…

  66. dami

    February 15, 2012 at 11:29 am

    U r going after a married man. Don’t u dare put the blame on him he didn’t hide anything from u. U chose to hurt his fiance n unfortunately hurt urself mchew

  67. QueenEsther

    February 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

    To all single ladies, dating a Married man is bad luck to you.. No matter how u try to justify it, theres nothing in that relationship for u.. Lets be smart

  68. Ije-Guy

    February 15, 2012 at 11:39 am

    chick, d earlier u walk away, the better for u. u wud not want to be a kept woman. u will only get hurt more and more. so run as fast as ur legs can carry. a time will come wen u look back and smile, cos u did d right thing. he is not worth ur two cents!

    peace!

  69. Edi

    February 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

    No one has the right to judge the directions our separate lives take, you can’t help who your heart leads you to fall for. I will say this though – even if u don’t read another coments (and i do hope you read mine for obvious reasons), please read through dKULESTd’s – “TRUE LOVE NEVER DESTROYS”.

  70. brenda

    February 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

    hmmmm……. u r just so stupid ma dear,this guy doesnt love you one bit he just desires a mistress and he truely loves his wife dnt be carried away by the fact that he said “the ring on his finger is just a form of adornment…” bullshit. what nonsense.Growup

  71. Lamii Opere

    February 15, 2012 at 11:49 am

    e yah! i feel for you o. i think u shud just let go of the relationship before it leads to something else o. Meanwhile, think about it well though. Some ppl”s exes are still their best frds till date while some can’t stand the sight of theirs. Basically, he might end up being a frd that sticks close than a brother BUT Just weigh it well o.

  72. Amy

    February 15, 2012 at 11:53 am

    My dear Jade, No one is above this, it can happen 2 anybody. Infact am passing thru one shit now, trying harder 2 gather myself 2geda n move on. Mine is not married thou but has so many stories of oda ladies around him. I ve tried breaking up wit him severally but cant cos i so much love him. But yesterday wen he didnt care about taking me out 4 val, i just had 2 tell maself dat enough is enough. Dis is 2 bad 2 the extent dat i cant see maself loving easily again even thou i hv like 2 guys trying hard 2 love me. Tanks ppl am also drawing strenght 4m dis. I also need u guys adive.

  73. Gbeborun

    February 15, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Hmmm…….been there done that, I was in a similar situation, just that, i knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn’t going to marry him, I was young and single, it was an adventure for me, Now I’m married and I wouldn’t wish it on my enemy, so please take a walk it is so not worth it.

  74. t girl

    February 15, 2012 at 11:58 am

    that is life

  75. Touch

    February 15, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    A friend of mine has been in dis situation b4, she refused to let go wen she should have, eventually the wife found out & she was in a deep shit. She regretted it cos she paid dearly for it, cos she was heart broken & cost her an xtra year. She learnt the hard way.

  76. ama

    February 15, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    just think abt the days when you’ll need him to be around and he will be having a nice warm family time with his wife and kids…you you’ll be alone….the christmases, the val’s days and even on some special days he’ll be nowhere to be found’

  77. olori mo'

    February 15, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    sweetie am @ the very same doorstep as you only worse cos his wife lives abroad. Its been wonderful,your ideal man and all but fact is ‘HE’ aint mine.The typical story of wife living abroad and all so we get together whenever MRS is not in town. I have fooled myself for far too long but like i have told myself ”yu r better than that!!! well yes u are darling,best believe that!!!!!!…there is someone for us all out there somewhr we are just so impatient especially in our part of the world where there is immense pressure to be attached. Love yourself first and then you will realise yu deserve more than a married man is able to offer. am just picking myself up with the grace of God and i suggest you do likewise quickly. Aim for all and settle for nothing less!!! cuddles xoxo

  78. Tyna

    February 15, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Absolute nonsense 2 me………. u better open ur eyes gal n face d fact cos u ar only causing urslf pains n cause in d future………..

  79. cass

    February 15, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    u shouldn’t be asking for advice, u know what to do but u are just shying away from the truth. Leave this guy alone and pursue your own happiness. He will only end up hurting u more

  80. Nkechi

    February 15, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Be the fool or find a better man. If you sleep with him you’ll just be a passing piece of ass outside! Why’s the ring not on your finger? MORON!

  81. omo

    February 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    That guy is simply taking advantage of you. Sure he knows what you feel for him and if he truly loves you with a “ring” around his heart for you..ten months off knowing you is enough time for him to change his mind over you, but no he went along and married his original girlfriend. We have lots of girls in s**t like this, its so alarming!! And we are not talking about some timid girl who doesn’t know her right from her left..these girls are well enlightened, well exposed, are very much capable of telling right from wrong, but no they want to hang around as the “other woman” whom a guy might change his mind for. PLS wake up girl!! you already know what the answer is even before asking..is just left for you to decide what s**t you want to dip your head into!!

  82. kenny

    February 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    bluesheet look for your husband else where

  83. Gidi

    February 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I am not an expert by any stretch of the word but i have found a trait amongst most humans that baffles me.
    The assumption that you can only find love in this one person.
    I am realistic enough to appreciate that you can always find love elsewhere. You might not be willing to invest the time gain,go through the motions again etc. However, the assumption that this is the one and only one for you leads us to hold unto relationships that are not practical in any sense of the word.
    Are you trying to tell me that if this guy drops dead today, you will never find love again,even if you tried? C’mon,why do we make like so difficult for ourselves. It is hard enough.
    Cheat with this guy because you want to not because you can’t help it.

  84. Yetty

    February 15, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    I find it very sad that a lot of other ladies have been there, still there or trying to overcome this kind of situation. Will ladies ever learn? As for the writer not being intentional about falling for him from the start, I just find that very ridiculous. Life has always been about decision making, you will always choose and this writer chose to begin a relationship that had the potential of becoming very romantic. In my opinion both of them were selfish. You will always reap what you sow, either on the lady’s or married man’s part. I have no advise to give, much has been said by other people. You are an adult and you chose at the beginning. It is now time for you to choose again what will it be?

  85. Oma

    February 15, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Lyf,fate is surely bitchy in character,i tell u.girl,dnt let d luv u ve 4 him break u,let it go cos if u hang on,u wil kill nt jst urslf bt d other ‘madam’.imagine urslf in her shoes,hw would u feel?talk 2 him,if it ws d other way round,u married&tellng him 2 luv u&ur ring?smetyms,d truth is as bitter as bile,bt,ve 2 accept it.let everytn go,urs wil cme&u wil b glad it all went well&neva regret u met dis other guy,ok?pls do d ryt thing,walk away

  86. Princess

    February 15, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    U know the guy’s form of cheating is d sharpest form oh! It’s really easy to hide from his wife, because u know ur place, u know when to call, when to expect a call, how to keep quiet like a mouse when madam calls, so trust me d guy is flexing, he wants to eat his cake and have it. He is with you because it is easy to cheat with u full stop!

  87. ena

    February 15, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    sweethrt pls take a walk. tell u sthng, this guy is happily married but will prevent u frm meeting anybody who’ll marry u. @d end of it all, u’d hv wasted ur life wiv smone who has nothing to offer u. he just wants u for his selfish reasons, wnna eat his cake and hav it. he thinks so little of u, forget d sweet words, gifts and all. he does NOT love u. he just wants to get btw ur legs so u’ll become one of his numerous conquests. pls dnt play the fool. been there before so i knw wat im talking abt. once he’s done wiv u, he moves on to the nxt and u become just another girl on his “laid” list. pls take a walk, pls…

  88. Princess

    February 15, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    By d way u already fell 4 d guy b4 u talked to him and been a sharp guy he knew and acted on It!

    • omo

      February 15, 2012 at 2:14 pm

      My point also. The guy is taking advantage

  89. sarah

    February 15, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    My dear he married d person he truly loves, 10mnths was enuf time 2 change his mind if he rily wanted u. Move on
    The enemy of d best is d good we hold on too

  90. Ebun

    February 15, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    I so much understand what u are going 2ru now ,but stil, u don’t av 2 consida now but rada the future . i will advice dat u should be logical with ur decisions here, instead of being emotional

  91. PD

    February 15, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    jisouxxxx……………occupation…….u are telling my story oh!!!!! but the funny thing is that the feelings will pass and you will start to wonder y were u involved in the 1st place……you are so right!!!! God help us women oh!!! and am happy u ve some1 crazy about you….enjoy girl!!!

  92. PD

    February 15, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    @temi

  93. AO

    February 15, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    My dear, the truth is bitter but it is the TRUTH. This article got tears rolling down my cheeks. As i type, i’m in a relationship of 4years with a married man, crazy in love with him and it all started like this( well, maybe not exactly).
    He has become everything to me…a friend, brother,father, confidant and of-course my boyfriend. I cant imagine my life without him but the saddest part of it is that i wanna leave but i CAN’T. Reality keeps reminding of the fact that he has a family and can NEVER be mine. I have starting seeing a therapist, been in talks with my new mentor because i know it is time to move-on.
    I BEG AND ENCOURAGE YOU to move-on because no matter how he tries to balance both sides, you’d always be the one loosing and crying. it reduces your self confidence/esteem, totally shields you from meeting the right guys and leaves you wallowing in self pity.
    You don’t need to come this far to learn your lesson. WALK AWAY AND U’D BE GLAD YOU DID!!!!!

  94. theodora ikem

    February 15, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    He used you before and is still using you<and youre letting him……you deserve better,why share a guy when you can have your own guy,please love yourself and tell the two timing fool to get the f….. away from you
    that one now na person husband….kai 9ja women we dey see o

  95. ama

    February 15, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    He says I can do it – love him all the way, because he feels the same way and that life is so unfair. But then, how do I love a man and his ring?
    NONSENSE!!!!!!!!!

  96. irritated

    February 15, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    call it wat u want, ama take the easy way out (judge u!) every one is comin out guns blazing @ d guy when u knew fully well what u were getting urself into! Abeg!Abeg! Abeg! dont piss me off o! think abt it! how wld u feel if u found out your husband (who u just got married to an hour ago) was on the fone with another woman for hours, sheesh!! he even postponed the honeymoon ( u had the gall to mention it!) for you. remove your hand fromm d effin cookie jar and get a grip! peace abeg!

  97. Dee

    February 15, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Don’t be a mug, you deserve better!

  98. Naveah

    February 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Madam Jade, all dis wan you dey write na GRAMMAR, you hear me so? Grammar. You don’t know need anyone’s advise here because you know the right thing to do and you are refusing to do it. Have you put yourself in that woman’s shoes even for a second and considered her pain? Na your cry-cry you dey worry about, shebi?

    And what is with you and the number 10? You were in a relationship before for 10 months which you had just left before becoming entangled with this user for another 10 months…first off, ever heard of rebound? You went into the relationship knowing he had a woman in his life that he planned on marrying, once you heard that, it was incumbent upon you to shut it down right there and then. Now you are wondering if you can love the man and his ring? Girl, please! You HAVE been loving the man, before the ring AND AFTER the ring so what exactly is your question? Does the ring now change your culpability? You were sleeping with another woman’s man, you walked into the relationship with your eyes, ears and other orifices wide open!

    Madam, you can redeem yourself, find your moral compass and make your way out of the door and don’t look back at that man and I don’t care if he is looks like Ronaldo Cristiano . If you want God to bless you with your own husband, your own PEACEFUL home, LEAVE this woman’s husband ALONE! You took a misstep, you can correct it by doing the right thing, the morally, ethically and spiritually sound thing!

    I am married so you get NO sympathy from me, I am sorry. I don’t condone these kinds of things because it isn’t necessary. We are not animals, we have the ability to control our emotions and urges. It isn’t about lacking compassion or empathy. I think if you understood anything about compassion and empathy as well, you wouldn’t put another woman, another sister through the paces that you are putting her through by messing with her life through her marriage. It is dead wrong. I don’t know why you are writing this piece because I sincerely doubt any sane woman will tell you anything different than LEAVE THAT WOMAN’S MAN ALONE!!! If na you him been wan marry, he for break his engagement and married you but obviously the man wants to have his cake and eat it too and you are the gullible fork that he will use to eat it. Shine your eyes o, pull your ears and pull up your underwear, my friend. A word is good enough for the wise.

    I don tok my own.

    Even IF he left the woman for you, is that how you want to start your life and marriage? Have you ever heard of the saying, “the way you got him, is the way you lose him”?

    • Written

      February 15, 2012 at 7:02 pm

      Chai!

      I thought everyone had said it all and then you said it. I have to say my first thought after reading her story was ‘Of course you can love him and the ring but as you do, use your own mouth to place a curse on yourself… Wish the same upon yourself, wish that some other lady would have your new husband’s heart and cause your honeymoon to be delayed.’ Curse yourself first, then go ahead and love him and his ring.

      Sounds judgemental right? But if that doesn’t make you see sense, nothing will. I understand that at times we get ourselves into situations that hurt others but the fact that you’ve written this shows that you know its wrong, you are engaged enough to know that its time to end it, you heart is prompting you to do the right thing. Do the right thing. You may need God and good friends (or even your Mum if you have that kind of relationship) to help you with accountability. Do it girl.

  99. skelly

    February 15, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    all i know is….a guy that really really loves you will call a marriage with another girl off without a hitch…#simpletruth#

  100. LM

    February 15, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Not sure why everyone is discouraging you, I’d say carry on girl…some lessons are better learnt the hard way. Wish you all the best

    • JULES

      February 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

      LMAO!!!! I LUV IT!!!

    • Ngobeke

      February 7, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Nne you harsh o!

  101. Nomy

    February 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    So he saw you, liked you, hung out with you, loved you, and then went ahead to marry someone else? Hmmm! Girl wake up! You are not IT for him. His wife has something that binds him to her, something he was not willing to let go even for you. Let him go, live your life, soon you will meet the guy that is hooked on you like a drug.

  102. Ure

    February 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Jade! pls ignore the rude comments. however this dude obviously wants to eat his cake and have it. if he thot that his feelings for you was more than the feelin he had for his girl frnd at that time why did he go ahead to marry her, was he forced? this dude is not to be trusted if he is thinking about cheatin on his wife with you he would hurt you as well. sweethart leave that guy FAST. you own mr right will find you soonest. #bigbearhug#

  103. konnie

    February 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Jade, Hopefully you are going to read all this advice you have been given. I actually scrolled through mostly very good advice.

    You are dealing with a VERY selfish person. Move on and don’t look back. He is the type to have his cake and eat it. I have seen this played out in different ways some eventually leave the new wife after some year 5 through 20 and if you have totally lost your self esteem and decide wait… you and trying to climb Kilimanjaro with no equipment.
    As much as it hurts WALK and don’t look back. That is a skillful player and you are being played. He would probably even shed some tears when you cut it off just to convince you it he is for real. WALK and start loving yourself enough not to pick up crumbs…..
    Much love. Don’t walk just RUN!!!! and get him out of your head!!!

  104. Dii

    February 15, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Sigh!!! Jade, I totally understand you and your emotions cos i am kinda in your shoes….mine is however slightly different and even more painful.

    I started my relationship with the man SINGLE, he was my best friend, my lover, my brother, my confidante and chief adviser, then i travelled to school. Even with the distance I felt he was always there, constantly on the phone with him, he came once and i went home too……….then the irregularity of calls but constant pings, a couple of questions on religion cos we had religious differences, I even went as far as learning all about his religion and was willing to convert……………then masters ended and I came home.

    He told me he had found a girl of same religion, so he had another girlfriend…….that way, coldly “I have a girlfriend now. Cos u are christian that meant i was single”…………….”I proposed already”………”We are getting married in May”…….It still feels like i’m featuring in some sort of bestseller.

    Then the madness started, “I still miss u”, “I reminisce about us”, “Please come and visit me”…………..etc

    Sweetheart, just like you I was tempted to love the man and the ring “to be”, i stared at the fiance’s face endlessly on FB, i still cry my heart out, have deleted and re-added him countless times, i have reminisced, hurt, thought of where i went wrong…..I have done it all

    BUT unlike you i have also drawn the line, I DONT VISIT, I DONT CALL…………….but i ping, O yes!!!! i do that, cursed BB(pardon my french)…….

    I said my situation is probably worse cos the guy and I now work in the same office and same floor, infact he sits across me, in other words, come May 2012, my heart will BLEED like evey day for I, unlike you have decided not to love the ring….I have decided not to hurt the other girl, I have decided that a man who truly loves me wont choose another over me………..and I am dating real hard also(Dating in its agape form)…….cos i intend to “fun” the “pain” away……

    Darling, I, more than anyone knows how bad it hurts, as i type my heart bleeds for I still like him totally, its worse cos i see him daily…..and i have to watch him talk to his woman, watch him make plans, smile at his BB knowing fully well, he is smiling cos of her…………I HURT worse than you can imagine

    But i draw the line at being with him if he is pledging his love and life to another. A man that truly cares for me should pledge his love to me in front of family and friends.

    Jade, cry hard cos you need, dont even flirt with the idea of being his mistress (cos i did) cos you, my dear are way better than that……………..always remember you are the cream of the pack, anyone that can put his ring on you doesnt have your love in his heart…….

    Like a majority of his gender, he is weak, and sweets, you are too cool to hang out with a weak man…….you will be greatful you work in a couple of years, at least I know i will be.

    Jade love, it hurts bad and I know…..I know that any attempt to cut communication will feel like a raw wound on your heart, i know that feeling so well, familiar with the ache but darling, you need to hug that ache, relish that pain for God has a perfect plan for you and this experience is to prepare you for “forever after”………..you cant be a complete woman until you have a mastery over self by learning how to tackle hurt with patience and discipline.

    Jade, accept that it wasnt meant to be and embrace true love thats chilling for you..

    Finally, remember you aint in this alone…..countless other women like myself are in it, and some have it worse…….afterall you are not condemned to seeing him daily. Choose to be amongst the winners(those that walked and found their “mine alone” man and not the weak ones.

    Love you girl,

    kisses and hugs.

    • Ona

      February 15, 2012 at 9:50 pm

      Dont compare ureslf with the Jade abeg! U were the one that was cheated on unlike Jade. Jade knew very well homeboy had a fiance!….She kept taking his calls at his wedding and let him postpone his honeymoon. U on the other hand didn’t do all that…and even after the dude left u for someone else ur integrity didn’t let u mess with another woman’s man! U had self control….so pls, compare not!

    • pretty

      February 16, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      Best comment ever.

    • Creamy

      February 16, 2012 at 7:16 pm

      WOW!!! don’t envy ur situation at all, just brush ur shoulders off and av “fun” to keep the “pain” away

    • lyn

      February 14, 2014 at 4:34 am

      Jade needs to see and read this. The other comments (telling the truth) those won’t get to her. She’ll think they don’t understand. Only those who truly have been in her shoes can help her.

  105. Bee Saved

    February 15, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    My dear Jade, everyone here has said the same thing. If after today you are still carrying on with this dude, you only have yourself to blame. I will paint you a picture, you carry on, you can’t marry anyone else because your emotions, time and life are tied up with this one person. Guess what happens when you get to the point where it starts affecting your sanity? You contemplate suicide because depression kicks in. That was what happened to me. I was in a relationship with someone else and could have sworn that I would never cheat or be the other woman in any man’s life. Enter Mr F and we become friends. Hanging out and doing all what you have described and a bit more. The thing is Mr F had a girlfriend in another country. Still continued and then it got to the point that I had fallen for Mr F so hard that I was ignoring my own man and spending as much time as I could with him hoping he would marry me(he was in love with me na). Think a couple months later and numerous well intended advice from close friends and I am a nervous wreck. The height of it was Mr F brings his gf around and rubs it in my face, why won’t he? She is his gf. One fateful day, due to the nervous mess that I was, I walked out of my office at 10am feigning sickness and walked to the train station to take the train home. Standing on the platform, I wanted to take my own life because I wanted the thoughts in my head to stop. Thanks to the grace of God and the stare of someone looking at me on the platform, I didn’t step in front of the train. A few days later, wanted to do the same thing again. I stand here to say that I know it was only the grace of God that saved me. He sent a friend that stood as a shield between Mr F and I. A couple months later, Mr F moves to go and meet his gf and marries her. The moral of my story is that is the path you are treading. You are opening yourself up to depression which in the end could lead to suicide. The bible says if you hand causes you to sin, cut it off! If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out! Resist the devil and he will flee from you. It is time for you to resist this devil wrapped up as the easter bunny. He doesn’t want anything good for you and trust me, you don’t want to be the recipient of his wife’s prayers or the curse of adultery because darling, that is what you are doing.
    I am not saying it will be easy, but for starters, delete his number, bb contact, text messages, emails. After that, if you see him, you better make a u-turn, take off your heels and run like the enemies from your village are chasing you, lol! Seriously though, make yourself accountable to someone and God will help you to be strong. I would love to tongue lash you but I know the power of emotions.
    A word is enough for the wise (I am assuming you still have a smidgen of wisdom)

  106. Annabelle

    February 15, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    For future references this is what you should have done. When you first meet a guy and you start to notice you are liking him more than a friend an vice-versa (dates,talking on the phone, spending time together etc) then you need to find out where he is in his life in terms of his relationship. If you find out in your case that he has a girlfriend and to make it worse he plans on marrying DING DING RED FLAG keep your distance. Act like associates if you have to but at that point he can’t offer you much and he pretty much told you.
    Ladies please do not think you can change the man and make him leave his girlfriend the fact you are still around after he tells you shows him that you don’t mind being the other woman/sharing all he needs is to do a little bit of convincing to make you feel “special”.
    We are given enough time to avoid situations like your story but its never too late to walk away unfortunately it just becomes harder when we wait.
    I am sure while you wrote this article you already knew the right thing to do maybe you needed other people reminding you and now you have all the encouragement you need.
    So its up to you, its either you do the RIGHT thing and WALK away from this situation or live with the consequences the choice is yours.

  107. The Diva

    February 15, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    What did the women of this generation do to deserve this? Please let’s try to raise our sons to be honourable, and not to treat women like candy in a store, so that at least our daughters won’t go through this…………

    • tatafo!

      February 15, 2012 at 9:19 pm

      I so feel you, there’s even more honor among thieves than men of our generation. Haba! the level of selfishness is deplorable. Women are held to a much higher level of accountability than men these days but we forget it is a two-way street

      Pele Jade, hope you’ve come to your senses. Sometimes our mind plays tricks on but at least hearing rational thoughts can help shake you back into reality.

    • Ona

      February 17, 2012 at 3:51 am

      Deserve gini? I honestly don’t get why people are blaming just the man. He is a dog; agreed. However, homegirl knew quite well that he had a FIANCEE when they were doing their walk on the beach sturvs and still continued. Call a spade a spade jor….i get so sick when women always have to blame the men when the woman obviously had a choice wayyy ahead of time before things got out of hand.

  108. pipi

    February 15, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    r u actually asking this kain question? really? a nigerian? we dont do that shit, we use our freaking head now if u’r from the western part of the world…….really u need ur head checked…..i know its a matter of the heart thing bt u need to use ur head, like srsly….hw old r u sef? a teenager (15-18) is supposed to be asking this type of question not a grown ass woman like u. no offense #jstsaying

  109. Jennifer

    February 15, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Hi Jade,
    I won’t judge you. All I’d say is, although not very easy, let go. He is married, put yourself in his wife’s shoes. Also, its accessible he doesn’t love you. One thing I detest: Men who aren’t bold to make decisions and have no idea of what they want. He’s a newly wed; flee from immorality. I hope you haven’t slept with him; probably why its more painful.
    At the end of the day, you’ll end up getting insults because of the Nigerian society and not him. Your husband may be right by your side now but holding on to this goof of a Man can make you loose him. Please, this isn’t right. Hold on to God; he will never leave or forsake you.
    I read all the comments and they’re very much comprehensible. I’m 18, by the way.
    Good luck and God bless you.

  110. amaka

    February 15, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    I so can connect with ur story. Just got out of a similar situatn, probably not as bad as urs though. It was driving me crazy cos a dis guy seemed 2 b “head over heels” in luv wit me and I’m a hopeless romantic n very jealous person. Had 2 pray n take hard measures 2 cut off from him after I told him 2make a choice n he snakishly dodged d question. I can’t over emphasise wat. Has bn previously said. U nid 2 run 4 ur dear life. Nothin gud can come out of dis. Even if he leaves his wife for u,u realize he cld leave u for some1else cos he obviously can’t make up his mind. I hope dat ring around his heart doesn’t eventually choke him 2death. Its just his wyf I pity. She’ll b happy dat she’s finally left d growing “bacholerette and spinsters” club not knowing wat her “husband” is doin n sayin behind her. U deserve much beta dear. Remember dat u can’t receive something new wen ur hand isn’t empty. Let go of d old for d new 2 come. Be strong dear

  111. Mo'

    February 15, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I’m sorry but I really don’t get this. Were you expecting validation or pity? Well I’ll give you neitehr ‘cos IMHO, you’re not a vivtim here…his wife is. You knew he was ENGAGED when you decided to be “friends” with him, going on dates and possibly sleeping with him. You even had teh audacity to be “angry” whenever he was on the phone with his then fiancee. That makes you, my dear, a willing particpant in this scenario. You didn’t just fall into this situation, you walked into it with eyes wide open, hoping that he’ll leave his fiancee for you. So, yes, you were an aspiring home-wrecker! But you can still redeem yourself and spare yourself all the curses that will definitely come your way if you walk away now. The man is nothing but a selfish two-timer, who saw a gullible girl and took advantage. Leave him, ask for God’s forgiveness and pray for your own husband.

  112. babycute

    February 15, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    very stupid indeed, love a man and his ring? you dont if you fear God and believe in karma..continue o then your own man will have his own love a woman and her ring..nonsense!

  113. Nma

    February 15, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    LOOOOOL!!! This has got to be the dumbest piece of crap i have read in my life! “i cant love you and ur ring”..R u serious?! How old is this chick bikonu?

    Its not like u even met him after he got married….he knew u for a while before he got married yet chose another girl…yet u think he loves u?! LOL @ a ring around his heart for u….if u can’t see that he wants u as a mistress then i don’t know what to tell ya and i don’t feel sorry for u cos u knew he was in a very serious relationship and still threw urself at him….Arrant hilarity to the highest degree! Inshort i can’t….

    • Nma

      February 15, 2012 at 9:28 pm

      Its a different thing if u didn’t know he had someone serious he wanted to marry and maybe he lied to u and u thought he was single. But u knew! So what sympathy are u expecting?? U are in the midst of an adulterous affair and u are trying to garner sympathy….ngwanu stay there.

      I am not one to judge people…ur life, ur cross…however, when it comes to issues of infidelity i just don’t gerrit, esp the the chick knows quite well that there is another chick and still dives in, and then wallows in self pity when she gets treated as a second fiddle by the guy. Once i find out a guy is in a relationship, every attraction fads instantly. Not that he becomes ugly or anything, but he automatically becomes like a relative to me…as in no go area….I just don’t get why someone and men like to play with fire.

    • Edogal

      February 16, 2012 at 7:45 am

      Nma has said it all. I think you should watch the movie Something Borrowed.Its a Similar story †☺ yours but ends differently. I hope you learn from all the advice here.

  114. amaka

    February 15, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    Pardon my typos

  115. Habebty

    February 15, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    one word ladies- BOUNDARIES. I guess some of us never learnt that we need to guard our hearts…and minds. Dont even entertain the BS – when non-single colleagues want to hang out I dont go alone. I know from experience so dont just relax and be all open cos man just wants to hang out or be friendly because he isnt your type or may have different race/religion/sexual preference blah blah blah..in fact even guard yourself against some women too. Have some boundaries and dont just open yourself up to anyone without getting to know them. wisdom.

  116. amber rose

    February 15, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    i wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this. what a total loser the guy is and wat a deeply insecure woman the girl is. pls get a life. dis story is totally pointless

  117. aBEg

    February 15, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    RUN!!! no reason is justifiable for being with a married man(the man has never been urs frm day 1). I have been there(probably still there and just in self denial) but i have told myself that i won’t do it anymore cos if ever i settle down ii want my man to be mine and only mine therefore am not going to share someone else’s. He keeps coming around but i have resolved to stay away from this sinful and abominable act. My dear this man never wanted u to start with cos he went ahead and married another…..wise up!! he want’s to get in ur pants finish!

  118. jenneki

    February 15, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    [email protected] the number of replies that start with “My dear, I’m in (was) in the same situation as you”. Looks like a lot of BN readers have experiences temporary laspes of sanity in the past. The good news is that it looks like most of them got out of it. No excuses Jade, you’re all WRONG in this one. Leave the man alone. He ‘s a jerk and doesn’t deserve you.

  119. M

    February 15, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    When this Chick said don’t chastise me until you have read my story i was like ok i’l not judge until i’m done reading…….I AM DONE READING……Are u on cheap crack,you knew the dude was engaged, you not your ghost or your shadow YOU allowed yourself fall for a man who is taken, and then come on here exploiting this website with some CRAP!!!!!!!! story about how its not your fault. THERE IS NOTHING ROMANTIC about this, dude is using YOU as substitute BOOTY, its simple if he LOVED you, he would have married you, as in i don’t get girls…..He called you on his wedding night and you think that’s romantic……dude has no moral compass or maybe he has but its broken i don’t know….I’m just upset because you and your story have robbed me of 10mins of my life i’ll NEVER get back….i just can’t with this CRAP right now…….and please kindly post my comment cos this chick needs a reality CHECK!!!!!!!!!

  120. Bliss

    February 15, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    These are the type of stories that annoy me to the nth level. If it was up me, stories like this won’t come out in print( even as prose). It just gives people nonsense to relate to . They go “oh….So I’m not the only one.” The fact that you are not the only one don’t make it right.

    A good man is hard to find because women have become a dime a dozen. If men weren’t getting nookie from outside, they’ll be forced to be faithful. Then again if he is a loose canon, he’ll cheat anyway but women make it too easy.
    Anyway, never mind me I’ve been accused of being a prude one too many times. Too each his own-ai?

  121. MID bos

    February 16, 2012 at 12:43 am

    HI JADE,
    I read your story,and sincerely i blame you for letting things get this far,this is my story,i met dis guy(mr x) during my IT,he was my dream man/had all the xteristics i wanted in a man,we became friends,then came the long hours call,hanging out alot etc,a month into this emotional friendship,i later found out from his 1 of his colleques,when some other colleques was planing to fix him up with me(not knowin wat was already happenin btw us),he was engaged,i felt so sad,anyway thank God he was not present there,so i was able at work on myself and know he is a no go area,and wen next we talked asked him and he confirmed,got to know more abt d fiance,even spoke with her,we still continued our lonng mid-night calls and hangin out till i was thru wit my it and back to sch,but i did not let myself get carried away and instead became frnds with the fiance,d only thing i learnt is its my dream man xteristics is possible,and i believe God wld bring my own man,so i say its ur fault,u not knowin wen to draw d line esp. in ur heart.

  122. ola olu

    February 16, 2012 at 1:02 am

    jade,i blame u for letting things get this far,you are even lucky u knew u were d oda woman,i did not know i was the oda woman,cos i wld neva ve allowed myself to b d oda woman,i met this guy at work,he was a new der,we clicked at once and became friends,from friends to dating and started the rele,he told me he was single and had not been seein any1 for about 8 months,anyway there was dis girl,who on his fb was always comentin baby,sweetie,etc,wen i asked him who she was,he said she was just his friends,i believed him cos i ve some male friends with no strings attached who call me such names(and d bible says,to d pure all thins r pure)shld ve known better, 4 months into d rele,he gave me his mail password to do some stuff for him and i saw the girl messages complainin he does not keep in touch,does not call,does not reply her messages,not fair how he is treating her,so i innocently told him,from her messages seems she likes him,he should make the lady know he is not interested. fast forward to 1 year later,we havin a tell the truth abt ur past time,and he told me/confessed he was dating the lady then before he met me and he broke up with her then,when i told him am not comfortable with her message i saw,and the most annoyin thing was she knows he left her cos of me,knows my name,am sure she wld ve searched me out on fb.was really really mad cos i neva for once imagined myself being the oda woman or causin a rele to crumble,and d fact d ladies knows all dis,but cld not end d rele cos it happened ova a ear doe i made him me,i wld not take nonsense from him. so ladies dnt believe wen u just meet a guy and he tells u,his single,please verify well so u dnt find urself in my shoes,wish i cld apologize to d oda lady but i think its not a gud idea

  123. GODDESS

    February 16, 2012 at 3:57 am

    girls can be so dumb at times..chick stop lookin 4 excuses, u knew damn well wat u were getin urself into…here is a gud advice, learn more bout self controle

  124. Tobechi.daniel

    February 16, 2012 at 8:27 am

    A ring around his heart> LOL, girl you’ve been had.

    Is he Igbo by any chance?

  125. mariamah

    February 16, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    if he really loved u, he would not have gone ahead with the wedding, hard as it may be, u better break up with him and move on with ur life. Truth be told the guy is plain selfish cos all he wants to do is eat his cake n have it, shikena.

  126. Bellar

    February 16, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    For as long as there are single woman and unhappy married men -bored to death in their marriages then this is as old if not older than the longest profession in this world – PROSTITION. unless the single woman have morals and are wary of Karma then this will never end, men will always chase.. happy lives…. innit! BTW, married woman also cheat with married men so this cycle is now a way of life.. personally – if you aitn happy, keep on stepping and find the love you need, ewhy are so afraid of moving and leaving a sad marriage, na wa for my people o! our conterparties up and leave.. at least that is more respectable than being miserable in a cheating marriage! shooo

  127. Gorgeous

    February 16, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Well its hard to see any girl in the dating scene who have not met these excuse of a human being called married men. I have met a lot. And they remove their rings and swear that they are single. But as soon as i find out, i am out of their life. This is after taking as much in value what they have taken for me while stringing them along with all sorts of demands and needs. Trust me, by the time i am done with paying them back in my own coin for being arseholes, only their wives will be able to comfort them. I do not date married men, but have been deceived a couple times. Some guys have even moved out of their matrimonial homes and gotten their own place to leave their wives for me. But my dear, who wants the bukata of ex wife and childrens. I run away after i have gotten my own pound of flesh o. Am a babanla werey when it comes to a man deceiving me. Dear Jade, just pick race after you have demanded like N250k – N500k as a proof of the love.xxx

  128. Creamy

    February 16, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Girl u need make like forest gump and RUN BABY RUN,ring around his heart my ass,he has a ring round his heart for you and whomever his sweet words catch.
    Once there is someone in your heart its difficult for you to be interested in someone else who might be around u and u just don’t know it yet.
    Its better for you to be alone and be happy than be with someone and be a magnet for curses for a praying wife. At least he was honest enough to tell u he was getting married.
    Jade u need to cut him off like breaking hair,it will hurt but u will heal.

  129. Ene

    February 16, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    U were in love with this man before u got the opportunity to work with him, remember ur west swinging and show off so he could notice u? You size the opportunity to work with me and he gave u the only thing u wanted sex. Believe me, if u had not slept with this man and discover how good he is not only with words, we wouldn’t be typing this. As hard as it is for you to leave him was same for him leaving his fiancee now wife, cos he weighed to good, and I am sure the good out-weighed the bad that’s why he married her. Look, God of marriage will fight for the wife and she will hold her peace. Anytime you see that guy, recite this words in ur heart louder, what God has joined together , let no man put asunder . He made a choice not base on sentiment but by history while u are making yours base on sentiment and emotion and that’s what makes him a real man and you a woman, cos after sex, the man thinks sriaght why women think with emotions. You do not know their history together u were a stranger and still is. I mean,even if he ends up not marrying his fiancee for u, do thinks that made u a winner, go and look for your own cos now you and an intruder and a thief in the eyes of God. I wish u want u wish yourself.

  130. Nne

    February 16, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    Run like you have never run before and ask God to give you the strength to move on to meet the one that he has for you.

  131. Nice Anon

    February 16, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Look at all these extremely self righteous people. Slap yourself silly!!!!
    You’ve never made a mistake in your life before. In fact, your life is so perfect and wonderful. The many downs to discussing anything that has to do with relationships online with NIGERIANS. Many of you won’t dare say half the BS you’ve spewed on here in real life. *rolls eyes*

    • Ona

      February 17, 2012 at 3:41 am

      I would never want to have a friend like u!

      U are talking of people making mistakes…..this is not YET a mistake if she agrees to take people’s advise and run! What in the world are u then advising?? for her to complete the “mistake”..i dont get u. Its not like she already carried on with the affair after the marriage and came told us about it….neither was she unaware that the man was already in a relationship.

      Self righteous my tush! Put urself in the man’s wife shoes…and picture some girl taking ur husband away from u on ur wedding day, and him postponing ur honeymoon for her. I bet if the wife was the one who came and wrote her own version, u won’t be spewing all that nonsense u just did.

  132. Maegan A. Whisnant

    February 16, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Hmm…na waa oo. I think you can’t love a man and his ring at the same time. Far be it from be to judge someone, but you will eventually end up hating the ring. That’s a very situation, so I wish you all the best 🙂

  133. torquoise samurai

    February 17, 2012 at 1:09 am

    girlfriend,
    don’t fall for it!!! run like hell from this “relationship” because you are playing with fire!!
    Endure the heartbreak you will experience even though you think that without him you will drop dead. Honestly you won’t!! I know what it feels like to want a man you can’t have..I don’t judge you because I have been in the same boat before….I fell in love with a “taken” man..when i realized that my heart would go to the point of no return, I cut off from him because it just did not feel right!!! (notice i said cut off, i had to remove all ties with him)…I felt the pain, but it’s been 4 years since, and I’ve moved on…..trust me, you will!

  134. Adetoun

    February 17, 2012 at 9:07 am

    I understand u totally. No one is immune from dis kinda thing nomatter how ‘good’ or ‘holy’anyone thinks she is. I advise u to run tho, it’s never worth it. If he knew he felt something 4 u he won’t go on with his weddin plans. Clearly he’s using u n toying with ur emotions. U deserve more than bein a ‘side chic’trust me!

  135. deedee

    February 17, 2012 at 10:12 am

    need i say more…..JADE? like sum1 said…’uv bin had’….lol; u be real ode, cum off it…..dis guy would neva leav his wife 2 be wit u, no matta wat he tels u. NEVER!!! wat most girls like u dont kno is dat….men r very different from we women…..UNLIKE US, DEY CAN SEPARATE SEX N LOVE….so babes, dont get it twisted…..ur only useful wen konji hook dem……

  136. Psalm1

    February 17, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Bad is bad, there’s no other way to see it. Maybe it would have helped if you stopped for once to put yourself in his fiancee’s shoes.
    I dated my ex-boyfriend for almost six years and found out two weeks before our family introduction that he had put some other girl in the family way, a girl who knew about me the whole time and even had a conversation with me a couple of times.

    Trust me, you do not want to go through what i went through. It was and still remains the most trying period of my life. In the past, my first reaction to people like you is to hate you because you are just another ‘Miss T.O'(the other woman in my story), but I’ve since learnt that hate will get me nowhere.
    My simple advice:’Do unto others what you will have them do to you, what goes around cones around’ SHIKENS

  137. anslem ozor

    February 17, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    resist the devil…and he shall free….

  138. tayoor

    February 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    U really acted like a woman.. gullible to sweet talks. RUN FAST. He doesn’t have anything for u, he’s a player, playing with ur feelings. Get going till u find ur true love

  139. Ginika

    February 17, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Bella Naija, I must add this one ooo, you really know how to get your readers talking. I mean, you can compile a book with sequels just from all these comments.

  140. Pingback: Ladies Love Lies! Do they? | nubianwaters

  141. Kem

    February 17, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    I would be the last person to condemn her and her story though she should have taken a walk right from the moment he told her he was getting married and she knew she was falling for him. i was once in such a relationship, we both had this connection but there was a lady in his life. He did show me he loves me by informing his uncle (his father figure) that there’s som1else and he’s ready to call off the relationship. But i advised myself and took a walk when i say his lady wasnt bulging nor letting go. Today, they are both married and he still wants to keep the relationship by calling me and complaining about his wife but i have moved on and know that i will find my won man soonest. so lady, please do not love the man with his ring. it is time wasting. period!!!!!!!!!

  142. mabel

    February 17, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    i think he is in love with no body . you can love somebody and married another. love is compect we human make so , don;t be decive , he don love you . he is in love with himsefl

  143. Molly

    February 17, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    The funny thing is that after all this epistles you have all written, dear Jade will still do whatever it is she gon do!!

  144. Ann

    February 18, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I guess your family and friends will be able to see proof of his devotion and committment to you with the ring around his heart when they meet him. Abi?

  145. The Librarian

    February 18, 2012 at 10:12 am

    A.D February 16, 2012 at 1:57 PM
    Before correcting someone else, you really should be 100% sure of what you are saying. Both terms are actually correct as shown by the ENCYCLOPEDIA’s definition –
    To have one’s cake and eat it too, is a popular English idiomatic proverb or figure of speech, sometimes stated as eat one’s cake and have it too or simply have one’s cake and eat it. This is most often used negatively, to connote the idea of consuming a thing whilst managing to preserve it. This may also indicate having or wanting more than one can handle or deserve, or trying to have two incompatible things. The proverb’s meaning is similar to the phrases, “you can’t have it both ways” .
    Said wt luv

  146. ice diva

    February 20, 2012 at 10:19 am

    ok all u girls take a chill pill, every relationship must not end in marriage. I perfectly understand the girl and dont blame the guy too. if hes too far committed to a marrying someone its hard to call it off. She can continue or call it off but nobody is using anybody. They r two adults and he never stopped her from seeing other people so keni big deal. Move on if u want to but i guess u dont have any dates coming ur way. My advice enjoy ur life, enjoy the love u get from him that makes u feel special, be on the look out for anothr man.

  147. Jamce

    February 20, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Hmmm. well said all. But come to think of it. Why is our lover girl crying? Girl, you went into the relationship with your eyes open expecting lover boy to jilt his fiancee to marry you. How more selfish can you be and you are blaming lover boy. If he had jilted his fiancee to marry you am sure you would have gone on a thanksgiving spree while his jilted fiancé would be doing the crying. In life everything is a risk. You have fooled yourself, you’ve been had. Pls count your emotional and banging losses and move on and stop shedding crocodile tears. Don’t expect sympathy for failing in your attempt to steal another woman’s man.

    On another note, this cheating game happens with both men and women. How many women have left their fiancés and run after guys leaving the guy high and dry. Is it because the men don’t come announcing their hurts? It is not the first and and it will not be the last. All of us must learn our lessons from these and ensure that our greed, pride and covetous eyes and “body organs” do not put us in trouble.

  148. Pearl

    February 21, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Seems to me like you have resorted to being the baby sitter because them go soon born… and u’ll still be there and one day when they need to go somewhere urgent and there’s no one to look after the baby, they will call you because he will claim he has a good friend that he trust can do the job and you will stupidly agree cos he knows where all ur mumu bottoms are. if you like still be there and be crying yea, dont go and find you own husband before its to late. about your ring is in his heart…i pity you; which kind? anyone say that to me i’ll wack him in the head. oshiiii!!!

    • CHI-E-Z

      February 28, 2012 at 11:08 pm

      lol smh

  149. Savvy

    February 21, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    “He says to me that the ring around his finger is just a form of adornment and that there is a ring around his heart that is meant for me.”
    …The bastard!

  150. Savvy

    February 21, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    …sorry I meant ‘The fatherless child’ (kmt)

  151. oyin

    February 21, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Lets go easy on her, but my dear if he loves you so dearly he will jilt his so call fiancee and propose to you, against all odds * he wasnt married when you met him na* so its simple HE DOESNT NEED YOU.

  152. Jamce

    February 21, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    So Oyin would it have been better to jilt his so called fiancee and propose to her? Hmmmm…. what goes around comes around…

  153. oyin

    February 22, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    @jamce my dear, If the guy really loves her more and she’s the most important thing to him, he’ll leave his fiancee ooo, people leave marriages, relationships because they feel they’ve seen something worth giving up everything for?
    But has the story goes the man no gree leave him fiancee so she’s important to him.

  154. Aston

    February 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    because you clearly wrote that we shldnt judge u, i will logically define what i think about the man involved and u of course. now wht i think is clearly the guy is in confusion and dilemma, why? cos wtf is this son of a bitch calling u when he is married? and you sef will be picking his calls, on the second hand he cld just need u as a good listening frnd which he can confide in and just likes your company but not to the marrying extent.
    2. did u ask him wht is the situation with him and his wife? does he love her or is being forced or prolly guilty marriage. (i had a frnd in this situation) no matter how u pple bitch slap her she wont come out ooh!! until God decides to do the slapping.
    3. its only logical u give urself a brain and snap out of this mediocre situation u are better than that.

  155. Jamce

    February 22, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Dear Oyin, am not Yoruba but I guess that is what they call “oju kokoro” abi? I hope if oju kokoro catches your boyfriend or husband and he leaves you for another lady, you won’t cry to BN since it’s all well and good.

    On a more serious note, a commitment should be kept no matter the circumstances. If your eyes or mind or body organs are still roving, then make a commitment. We must not support or advocate this attitude of breaking relationships and marriages just because we see what we consider as someone better. What is the guarantee that you would not be dumped for another lady. Let us be wise and support good and enduring values in our society to make people more responsible.

  156. Savvy

    February 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    “Btw, I was referring to the guy as a bastard… what sort of line is that?”

    @Jamce, I believe you have only one life to live, and it’s too short and important to stay miserable for the majority of it. Fact is he wasn’t bound to his current wife at the time, and if he truly loved the other woman, he would commit to her and leave his fiancee. As it stands, he’s playing “oliver twist” and not emotionally committing to either woman… the coward.
    …I’d rather be single than married to a man who’s in love with another woman. Neither woman deserves that sort of a man.

  157. Jamce

    February 23, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    @ Savvy, I agree with you. Our overly covetous nature, especially in Nigeria of today is not allowing us build strong moral and ethical values. Men and women are equally guilty (married and unmarried also). If you know that a guy or a lady is in a strong relationship or married why don’t you just let go and look elsewhere? No! we would want to grab him or her at all cost because we are desperate for another’s own. If we start to insist on the right things being done at all times Nigeria and relationships would become better. Our inordinate desire to get the better of one another is what is killing us as individuals and as a nation. God will help us.

  158. SISTA

    February 23, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    If he is lying to his new bride, what kind of man does that make him? honorable?? I think not! Would God approve of the relationship between u two? If nothing else shakes u up, think of your eternity. Nobody is worth u spending ur eternity in Hell (if u continue) I know it’s not easy and u didn’t bargain for all this, but let God help u make the only wise decision….FLEE and don’t look back..EVER! 🙂

  159. Ashani

    February 23, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Really? You still need people to comment??? This is ridiclusly annoying!!! Why do we ladies like seeing rainbow colours in a black and white picture??? Goodluck to you, have nothing more to say!

  160. Nicole

    February 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Interesting story and comments, yet all i ask of Jade is ….. “what will Jesus do?”

  161. CHI-E-Z

    February 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    Omo real wahala tho and I’m not gonna play holier than thou on this topic cause I’m there right now which is the main reason I was drawn to this story.Thankfully my own has not reached marriage level.
    First things, go get some yogurt.
    Second, think about this really carefully. How many hours do you talk on the phone with him? Replace that with shopping, painting,blogging,or some other hobby that might not take your mind off him but will atleast help you heal away from him.
    Third, no it sounds lousy cause I’ll be the last person to tell you to go to organized religion but talk to a counselor like your mother or pastor not about this if your conscious but about any mistakes they’ve made.Somehow knowing your not the only one that does stupid things sometimes helps.
    Next, Block Block again Block his number atleast for 3months till you get your head straight.Your lucky you’ve only being talking 10months for me it was like 5 years. Fourth, breath it will be okay dear.There is someone out there that will love and value more than anything this guy could give to you.

  162. Des

    February 29, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Jade just get out of this madness you are in.
    I know how me and my girlfriends curse the ‘other woman’ in our boyfriends life. Imagine wat a married woman will do. She will visit babalawo cum mountain for your sake. Am sure u dont want to be the centre of such attention.
    I have a problem with girls like you, beautiful, educated, independent, yet you waste your life playing second fiddle to a man who cannot take you to the movies weekend cos he has to play dotting husband or fiance.
    He is unreachable.

  163. fish

    March 1, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    life could be so simple an yet we (both men and women) make it so complicated for ourselves.. every one at every stage in life knows the truth but cos of our selfish needs, we all choose to go the other way. There is a whole lot of difference between the way a man thinks and the way the woman does. If a woman does not want u, if u are a good man with persistence u may eventually win her heart but if a man does not like u enough.. my dear, i have come to realise that there is absolutely nothing u can do about it but MOVE ON. Pick up the pieces of your life and live it to the fullest.

  164. wemimo

    March 1, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    pscheeeew…babes, bone dis guy mehn! if u be d ring wey dey around his heart, y he no marry u? abeg free am jhor!…..i av d same case too….is vy vy annoying bin d other woman…..does dat mean u re nt good enough for him to introduce to his family n friends and d society as his wife? but he wan do kelekele love…hian! a better man will come ur way jare , same for me here..amen in Jesus name..

  165. Happiness

    March 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Guilt is a little price to pay for happiness!!! Jade, if being with him makes you happy, by all means, enoy yourself till you find someone new. I dont understand all these emotional outbursts… most of the ladies commenting are dating married men or cheating on their husbands but are busy telling you to RUN RUN RUN… You are the best person to advise urself. If you are happy, keep with it if not leave!

  166. storm

    March 2, 2012 at 9:19 am

    You guys should leave her alone. Carry on bebe, by the time it bites you in the ass, you’d be wiser and you’d learn to recognize his type a mile away. Oh and let’s not forget karma, please do carry on.

  167. Funke

    March 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    You got in too deep, YOU GOT PLAYED, dump him like hot sh*t, wallow in self-pity, get a better guy! simples
    http://www.cestlavie20s.wordpress.com

  168. Fola

    March 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Ok, people go on and criticize. I believe no one has any right to judge this lady who has been bold enough to share her story as we can not tell what u all have in your dark corners. My dear lady, i believe you were faced with your own devil but you weren’t strong enough to resist him; it happens and it isn’t peculiar to just you. I know this may be difficult but i will advise you stop picking his calls and keep telling yourself you are deserve more than being a second fiddle. Most importantly, pray to God to help you utilize His grace to resist the man. I believe you can do it because the word of God says he won’t bring upon us more than we can bear.
    I believe you have a good heart to have been able to share your story and you deserve better treatment….

  169. laolu

    March 12, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Bottom line is you still weren’t good enough for him to take home to mama!!!If he truly feels this connection btw you two as he claims,he should ve cut of the other relationship and marry you instead…you are still a kind of service provider…..you deserve better than this.Cut it off cause what goes around comes around…you are busy wasting time with him instead of making yourself available for the man that might want to marry you.

  170. WinterNights

    March 16, 2012 at 9:10 am

    I think there should be a general All Women’s Forum that sends out emails to girls starting from age 16. In the forum, it will list stories like this so women all over the world will quit repeating the same mistake. We all think ours will end differently. I am much older than most on this forum and I was also as stupid in my reasoning with dealing with a taken man. I met a man and knew he was taken, but he was not married and I figured, he loved me so he will leave her. I made all the excuses (Ladies, if you EVER have to make an excuse for a man’s action, just know you are wrong), sympathized with how hard it must be for him to let go a relationship of so many years that was “unsatisfying”. When he let me know they were getting married, I decided to stop disrespecting myself. Truth is this married man loves not one of you, not you or his wife. He thrives on the thrill and will replace you with another willing party if you walk away. My young ladies-A MAN THAT CHEATS ON A WOMAN HE HAS COMMITTED TO IS NOT THE MAN FOR YOU, HE IS A QUESTIONABLE CHARACTER, LACKING INTEGRITY AND DISCIPLINE…2 IMPORTANT QUALITIES OF A GOOD HUSBAND. You know how we want to see the true face of a man, well this one has shown you that he does not respect his vows and will not keep to his words. Do not feel special with the “ring around the heart” garbage. He knows you will buy whatever he tells you and he disrespects your intelligence by downplaying the commitment he has to his wife and selling you some cheap mills and boons nonsense. I will not dog this man too much, Sister you have some blame too. You sat through a man deceiving another woman for 10 months. Picked up his call on his wedding night?? No one here is chastising you, look yourself in the mirror and embrace the fact that you had an equal part in this. He did not deceive you one bit. I hope you sending in this letter means you are waking up. You should be tired of being taken for a ride like this. Save yourself time and energy, walk away and figure out what will make you comfortable being with someone with such questionable values. I had to do the same to avoid falling into the same trap.

  171. WinterNights

    March 16, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Good God, I reread this and I got angry for her, the man thinks you are not so smart. “What are we doing, this is scary” He calms me down and says “relax we just enjoy each other’s company”. Chei, men are not putting in too much effort these days.

    “He says I can do it – love him all the way, because he feels the same way and that life is so unfair” Haba Jade, you are a smart woman. He says YOU can do it? You will make the sacrifice to love a man that does not love you, he just enjoys your company and has his ego and other things stroked by a gullible woman. Please I feel insulted and this is not me. Young Sisters, please wake all the way up. If a man feeds you this trash, slap him! What is he sacrificing? What has he sacrificed? He did not postpone his honeymoon, that stuff is planned for a later date. Please quit being so simple minded. Sorry to sound harsh, rereading this just triggered something in me.

  172. Portia

    March 19, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    If he didn'”t leave her or postpone his union to get his head sorted out as to who he really wanted to be with he will never leave her for you…get your emotions out of the way and give it a very deep thought…do you want to be with a guy who will do the things you mentioned to a woman he just got married too, a man who is deceptive cos obviously he is lying to his wife….He aint worth it gal…Be smart and have some self worth and pride….Best Wishes

  173. ify

    March 25, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    i read to the end but i still blame you! you knew it was a lost cause from the start yet you ventured into it. you created this mess dear and only you can fix it…..all the best

  174. lyn khu

    March 29, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    get a brain,and stop walking with an empty skull

  175. Jamce

    April 2, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    Hmmm

  176. Shady

    April 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Please all u calling the girl names should stop . Don’t be so judgemental , it could happen to the smartest of us. NEVER SAY NEVER ! Love is a powerful thing. I pray God heals Ur heart and gives u the strength to move on . I know the best is yet to come.

  177. Miemie

    April 11, 2012 at 2:24 am

    Jade my dear these things happen,I have personally been there done that,very similar relationship pattern ,he got married to another woman while he was dating me,and after his marriage he realized he could not live life without me.exactly two years after his marriage we got married and have been married for 17 good years now and I have bore him 5 lovely kids with the 6th one on the way,he is still very loving and caring and I even some times forget he has another woman in his life,so if he does stick around and you cannot help being in love and letting go,then have him make his intentions clear to you as to your position in his life,don’t give up one the one you love as miracles do happen,and sometimes love does concurs all. All the best.

  178. SSS

    April 11, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Hmmmnnn…. HE WAS A MARRIED FAMILY FRIEND.I was so young and naive. A fresher. He spoke sweet nonsense to me about how he loves me and was told to sleep with a virgin cos that was how his wife and himself would get children. I I stupidly fell for him. I work now. The issue became known to everyone and he stuck with the woman who exchanged a ring with him.The relationship ended over 4 years ago and He aint married to me. I think about it with shame because it was known to everyone in the university at that time. Dont do what will bring shame to you. Besides, they never leave their wives. Your Creator and God will bring your husband to you. I wish you the best

  179. Seun

    April 12, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Jade Honey, your answers are all over this page and there’s one common denominator for every comment – take a walk dearie. “to the left…to the left”.

    True love will never find you as long as you hang on to that man. He’s only using you Honey.

    It wont be easy though, I pray God gives you the strength to pull through. You’ll survive if you take a walk and someday, pretty soon, you’ll be glad you did.

  180. miss real

    April 13, 2012 at 2:48 am

    guys lets be real with jade. i think u brought this upon urself. men are like kids who has jus been bought a new toy, ends up playing more with d new one than the old one but the truth of the matter is they can never do without their old toy. it is normal for him to have feelings for u cos u guys ave done some stuff together but dat doesnt necessarily means he loves u. trust me even if he leaves his girl during that 10 month dat u guys were together he would end up messin u up and going bak to he’s girl.knowing that he has a girl u should have secured ur heart and put some distance to ur friendship but instead u carried on, it wrong darling put urself in the other girl’s shoe. u acted like a homebreaker to b plain and honest with u. so run fast away from this couple nw cos wat d lord has joined together let no man but assunder. God will give u ur own man, he his definatly not for u. he his with the rite person he married, they must ave been together way long b4 d marriage and even been throught alot together so why d hell will he leave his chic and marry u. plssssssssssss b sensible and try not to make dat kind of mistake again.

  181. jumysexy

    April 17, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    nonsense….bullshit…..craphead…..fuckingblahhhh…..abeg NOBODY is worth dying for,only christ did that and will forever be the only one. find your soul mate and move on with your life and career.

  182. Dee

    April 24, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    I feel for u completely. I fell for an engaged man and we were together for 6 months before his wedding. He told me he was calling it off and couldnt marry her because he loved Me. He did marry her and even spent the morning off his wedding day on the phone with me. I told myself then n there I was done, he was married. He kept contacting me through out his honeymoon, buying me gifts and telling me to get us a house for when he returned. I did and he moved in with me 1 week after he returned. We lived together for 10 weeks but he was lying to me about seeing her and seeing her on special holidays cause he felt sorry for her, I couldn’t take it and he left and went back to her. It’s now 3 1/2 years later. We still have never stopped seeing each other. I feel stupid but realized a long time ago he will never leave and I wouldn’t want him if he did again. I don’t know why I am where I am or what I’m doing but I know I want it to stop. So I can find what I truly crave and deserve… A real relationship. I have no advice just know how confused and hurt u are. Good luck honey, don’t make the same mistake I did xx

  183. i-Tom

    April 25, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    So long a story. Why do women really like to be told lies…? When they see the truth, they run away from it and chase after lies. Babe, run as fast as ur leg can carry you, you are slipping deeper into ‘wahala’. Move on!

  184. olamide

    April 25, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    i dont feel for u..dunno y u will fall for it when u knew he was getting married u were thinking wiv ur heart not ur brain…u just wasted 10months of nothing…u betta move on…once a babe hears a guy has babe pls keep off dont fink he will liv her for u esp when dey tlk in ur front..common

  185. golden girl

    April 26, 2012 at 5:30 am

    why cant we girls just say no to what is bad.we are our own enemies.it is easier to date a married man but guess whatyou are just shortening your life span. men are deceitful no doubt but hey you are also guilty because you were secretly praying for him to leave his wife for you. we girls should learn how to stand up for each other.besides did it ever occur to you that if he cheats on his wife with you then he would also cheat on you with somebody else aunty?even before you posted this you know the right thing to do but youare just in denial.after the sex what next?nothing just fall down and die prayers from the wife for you.it is not worth .go find your own man.

  186. pi

    May 2, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Since when did sudden urge to rob,kill, rape, tell lies, and commit other crimes become something that can happen to any and everyone? After all many do them too. But that does not make it normal? Please to all of you that say we should not judge her— u are jokers without discipline. An adult is responsible for his or her actions cos he or she made the choices. Evil is evil and cant be covered. If your are tempted ask for wisdom to overcome, don’t make excuses. Put away your foolish emotions, it is a transaction so why let him gain while you loose? Not every woman thinks with her pussy, some are hard core business women and wont take shits.

  187. Elegantmiss

    May 4, 2012 at 11:34 am

    He is on the ultimate mission to break your heart, he is selfish and playing with fire- just give him a chance and the rose coloured glasses will reveal what is actually behind them!

  188. kayjay

    May 8, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Hmmmm. Jade i can totally understand where you are coming from. You may not have been right in letting yourself fall deep in love with him but at times the heart cant let us decide whom we love. it totally just makes that decision for us. i read your story and i cry because though i may not have exactly gone through the same phase but i’ve just left a relationship where i was engaged to a guy that left me for his ex-girlfriend on the month of our so-called planned introduction. many people will say all sorts but its easier said when you’re not in the shoes. like they say “he who wears the shoes know where it pinches”. my fiance will be getting married to his ex this month and ever since we broke up our engagement in January i’ve felt so lost and all i do is cry myself to sleep each day. But i refuse to love him and his ring even when he says to me that he still loves me and is only getting married to his ex cos some prophets told him to take that decision. pshew! what a laugh. anyway, God is there. He sees all and is omnipotent. He is removing the bad to bring the best along our way. It is well. You’ll get there someday. sooner than you know

  189. princess almaroof

    May 24, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    wake up girl, plz just let go of him and pray to GOD.

  190. princess almaroof

    May 24, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    GOD WILL GIVE U UR OWN MAN, HE IS DEFINATLY NOT 4 U DEAR.

  191. errrmmmm

    June 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    How do i say this? I have read thru most of the comments *couldn’t read all* and all i can say i understand the guy, cos it happened to me. We had been friends for over a year. he had a chic, i had ‘this’ guy who for whatever reasons, I had been with for a while. I knew i wasn’t remotely head-over-heels in love with the person i was with. it was just comfortable, sort of like at least i have somebody. He met all the regular ticks… Christian, good looking, smart etc but beyond being comfortable there was nothing else. My best friend on the other hand was super doper! We were really close, understood each other… everything good and sometimes annoying. For the first time in my life, i learned how to be completely selfless. I had literally gotten to the point where i met someone i could do anything for. He would introduce me to his friends as his side chic/wife to be and il just smile and reply that he could never break up with his GF so he should stop forming. I never hid how i felt about my relationship. I was dating someone who was a close family friend, someone I had been warned by my family not to date because if anything happened and the rship dint work, i’ll be ruining years of carefully cultivated family relations. But then i was young and silly and the best way to get me to do anything was to ask me not to do it. If i asked why and you couldn’t answer? End of story, I’ll do it and stick around trying to prove my point even if it killed me. So I was stuck in the rship, not enjoying it and too stubborn to admit to my family i had made a mistake. Anyways, my best friend and i kept getting closer and i was sliding closer to possible marriage to this other guy. Initially I dint mind the thought of marrying him, cos I used to make a big fuss about how, if you love yourself, marry someone who loves you more than you love him or you’ll spend the rest of ur life suffering. that love was all about pain and control and whoever loved less has the most power *silly shey?* But my bestfriend changed all of that and i started understanding how ‘real’ loved worked. The kind of love where making the other person happy makes you happy, where you were committed to helping each other be the best and actualize your dreams cos it brought fulfillment.
    At this point we were so close, people started getting worried but we were both comfortable cos regardless of how we felt about eachother, the consciousness that the other person was seeing someone else kept us on track. Then suddenly, he decides he has had enough of his rship *too many issues* and breaks up. Before long, he’s saying he loves me and he’ll rather be with me and all. Im scared. i v always loved him, but i dint know if this was him taking on a rebound chic or he really loved me. It was one thing to love eachother as bestfriends, but taking it to another level scared me.
    Anyways, we decide to explore our friendship and see where it would take us. i slowly start backing away from my current relationship and trying to get the minds of family prepared for what I was about to do. I think he sensed it? im not really sure what happened, but overnight, my previously un-serious relationship with all its issues took a new turn. He started coming to see my parents more, getting his family to start hinting about marriage plans etc and in the space of about 2weeks, i moved from someone in a ‘coasting’ relationship, in the process of exiting and moving to the one person who had made all the difference in my life, to someone who was about to be married. All the reasons I gave about not wanting to do this were dismissed as mere ‘lovers spat’ by my parents and his family and they said it was now or never, promptly jumping into the herculean task of planning a wedding in about 2months.
    I can have insisted and walked away but my ‘relationship’ with my best friend was just growing. i knew i loved him and i could do anything for him, but i wasn’t sure about him. He had said he loved me, he even asked for a year to sort things out so we could get married but I was still scared. I was still in awe of him, i still dint understand how he could love me that much. esteem issues maybe but I couldn’t figure out why he chose me. I knew we couldn’t get married in a year, it was definitely going to be between 3 – 5years from now and I kept asking myself if we would last that long and I couldn’t answer. I spoke to my brother on the last day, and he said ‘Babe, your bestfriend remains your bestfriend forever no matter how many fights you guys have, but once you cross that line into a rship? that’s a whole new world. and he reminded me that my first ex used to be my bestie. At that point, i realised that If i was going to put my feet down and not marry this person, and at the end, I wont spend the rest of my life with my bestfriend? it wasn’t worth it. So i chickened out and rather than risk it, got married instead. Its been a while since it happened. I miss him every second. We talk everyday. Initially we stayed away from eachother, I was so miserable I had to come back. Now we are friends and I am trying hard to be a good wife. Its hard cos I love someone else, but i had taken one lesson from him, being selfless. That has helped me a lot now. i talk to him about issues i’m having. Some people might say its wrong but he’s my best friend and he’s all I have. He reminds me to pray when im really upset. chastises me when im being stubborn and has really been a source of support. Even better than the family people who ‘encouraged’ me to get married. I try not to be miserable and be a good wife. but its hard especially knowing how much I have hurt him. maybe if i had pushed a little more, i’ll have gotten answers to the questions I had, and i’ll have been able to insist and say to hell with family, i’ll rather marry my bestfriend. or maybe… i really don’t know what can have happened. All i know is i’m married and i still have my bestfriend, I know someday he’s going to fall in love with a wonderful lady somewhere. I tease him about finding another chic and he says he’s still not ready even though there are a couple he likes now. I think my husband knows that there’s someone out there who truly has my heart and will have it forever. If he does? he’s not saying anything. Im not trying to be protective and hiding my bestfriend from other babes. when he finds the right one and he moves on, it will hurt but i will let him go. At the end, it was a choice between getting married and keeping my bestfriend or walking away and ‘maybe’ eventually loosing my bestfriend. I chose the first one, because i will rather have him in my life and know that he’ll never be more than a friend, than not have him at all. That would kill me.

  192. eerinmide

    August 10, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    @errrmmn,,,that was d most inspirational story i have ever heard….and i am so sorry, you have to got through that. Anyways…to the JAde above…COME AND COLLECT UR SLAP!!! u dis gullible love sick puppy. After all the years on earth…upon the century we are in..you actually believe he has feelings for you? He is eating his cake and having it. And guess what, you are the extra…not the main meal. It is girls like you that make us look vulnerable and weak. PLs FEMALES, let us all have sense in our relationships. And let us stop being the alternative but rather b the main option!

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