I start to type back “YAYYY!”, and then I stop, clear field and type “Eyaaa. Pele. *sad smiley*”
I am not surprised. Since the day my cousin introduced me to Sadiq, I took one look at him, took another look ten hours later, after witnessing them have an argument, and immediately tagged him as suffering heavily from, what I like to call, “The Rich Boy Syndrome.”
I live in Abuja. I previously lived in Lagos. Before that I lived in Accra. Before that I lived in Kaduna. And let me tell you this: RBS? It cuts across geographical locations and nationalities. In Abuja they abound: driving or being driven in nice cars (MOPOL/Bodyguard optional); always looking starched and polished— in their white shirts and pants and sporting obligatory pinky ring— despite the heat wave this country is engulfed in. I think the air of superiority around them comes with standard built-in air-conditioning unit. These young men may initially come across as quietly confident, but that is until they’ve had a couple of shots on a Friday night, and you witness them pouring Moet on each other’s heads, jumping on tables at the club screaming “…emi omo baba OLOWO..!” It’s not as funny or cute the fifth time, guys. Please refrain. Oh, and from far away you may peg their age at early-thirties. Till you side-eye the alcohol-soaked person driving you home like he’s Schumacher and it dawns on you that young man is REALLY a boy.
It’s a bloody epidemic of rich, hot, emotionally un-ready young men, and dear ladies, no cure has been found. Please pull back the peruvian hair out of your eyes and figure this out with me.
So you’re dating this rich boy who’s younger than 30— they are generally between the ages of 24-28. Let’s say: family money – Oil, government, or private sector. Attended good schools, maybe even a finishing school for boys in Switzerland; doing well business-wise. And although he LOOKS mature, his behaviour fluctuates like a yo-yo. Dude might be prone to the dramatic at some unexpected points: might get pissed at something and delete you off his BBM or block you on Twitter. Storm out of a place in anger because you said something he didn’t like, hang up the phone on you mid-argument… One moment you think your relationship is the best thing since plantain, the next second he’s acting like he doesn’t know you. Today he’s all over you, and then he disappears for a week on a business trip with the father and expects you to understand why he couldn’t call. You love him, you hate him, and you love him again. You are an emotional WRECK. His whole packaging says “Man” but his behaviour says “Boy”.
And the biggest pointer is when he can’t handle YOU as his woman.
He cannot hold you down, cannot be a dependable constant in your life; an anchor. And here is one of the areas where I personally, appreciate older men; we women at times can get very annoying. Yes, let’s admit it. We can spout off at the mouth “Tatatatatatatataa…” like we sell ugwu in the market. A MAN, or well, the type of man I know, would watch you, perhaps figure you were like this 28 days ago, and 28 days before that… laugh and say “Why are you behaving like a child? Come here. Come to daddy….” And then he would scoop you up into his arms and press a kiss on your unyielding lips… Oh sorry. I digress. But, you get the point. Certain situations and times call for the man to be the ROCK. To be mature and look beyond your theatrics and perhaps realise a kiss will solve EVERYTHING.
Oh, but not your regular RBS-having young man! Dude is SPESHALLL. If you go off on a tangent, HE goes off on a tangent. You do something he doesn’t like, he OVER-overreacts to the point of WWII. The parents might have to be involved. Your mum calls you at 6AM: “Dayo called me to report that you went through his phone. Kemi, don’t you know you’re getting married soon? Do you want to die in your father’s house…” *mutes call*
And then the mind-games: “Who is that guy in your (bbm) display photo?” 2 minutes later… cleavage-baring girl’s photo appears as HIS display photo. Status: “Port-Harcourt was…!!!. *wink*”. *sigh*
He’s Almost The One, just that…! You want for him to be perfect, but there’s something missing. You cry, wonder if this is how your father was at his age, and then disturb friends at 2am with phone calls trying to figure out WHY he is so annoying.
So ladies, this is what I figure: Rich Boy wants to be a MAN but is not quite there yet. He will need a couple more years to discover himself. He cannot hold YOU down because he has not figured how to hold HIMSELF down. How can he be your anchor when he himself is bereft at sea? He cannot give what he does not have.
Rich boys with RBS have had responsibility thrown at them from parents, family or society. Maybe they are the eldest or only sons, or favourite, which automatically means they are operating at a higher level business-wise than most young men they’re age. And/or have a lot of money at their disposal.
And because they consort with older men in the course of business, these RBS-having young men aspire to such heights as their mentors or those they deal with daily. They want to have the beautiful Trophy Wife too, who is from a good (also known as “the right”) family. Yes, you are meant to be a trophy. They expect you to talk a certain way, dress a certain way and behave a certain way. They will expect family, friends, business partners AND aforementioned mentors to approve of you. You are in a constant audition for Rich Boy’s Wife position. Even if your family money and his family money no be mate oh –you might be richer—but he’s the MAN, see? If your Rich Boy doesn’t introduce you to his family, care if you use swear words or dress like you belong in the lobby of Transcorp-Hilton EVERYDAY, then you’re not on his “Wife List” and this article isn’t for you. But wait, you might be on his “Mistress List” because guess what? They might even aspire to the same type of mistresses as the older men they look up to.
They want to travel First Class, buy their Woman jewellery, and have her cook when they go to her house to visit, fly to Vegas or Monaco on a whim, have wanton sex, and live THAT Big man life… They can definitely afford to.
They want to be the BOSS: at work, in their father’s house, and in YOUR relationship and life. They want all these things. Because their fathers and uncles, and the guy whose hand they just shook and is worth $5billion, all have these things and more! This is their picture of success. You are as much a part of the picture as having a Bentley is. And they try to match up…
But psychologically and emotionally, these young men aren’t really THERE yet. They are still boys who have been pushed in sleek high-chairs to dine at the Table of Men. They aren’t mentally mature, yet, so therefore cannot handle smoothly ALL these things they are trying to have going on, at the same time. Business, social life, relationship, girl on the side…
Something WILL suffer. And no, it will not be their nightlife or trips to Aspen. That something will most likely be You and Your relationship ladies.
Dealing with rich older men, these rich young men start to think they want to settle down too. They then make you think that too. And you believe them. Do not be deceived. Because you will wait long time. The only way a boy with the Rich Boy Syndrome is getting married before he’s mentally ready, is family pressure. And why would you want that anyway?
There are so many of these young men out there. And like i said to my cousin today, one has to be alert to recognize the RBS signs early and dodge them, especially if you don’t have the patience to watch them grow into the men that, God-willing, they will become.
And dodge you must. Otherwise one day, you will realise you’re 33 years old, you go ahead to break up with him because you can’t handle his wahala anymore, only to hear two months later he’s getting married to Dangote’s daughter.
Driving eight figure cars and popping champagne on private jets bound for the South of France does not automatically = MAN. Being a man is not about bragging about the immigration stamps in your passport, the bodyguards you MUST have because “Mummy insists” or twitpic-ing cheques/stacks. Financial Maturity minus Emotional Maturity equals to The Rich Boy Syndrome.
Being a Man is not a lifestyle. It is an attitude, a mind-set, a responsibility. Caveat Emptor, ladies, good luck!