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“A Guy would Always Weigh His Options” – Read Comedian Ali Baba’s Response to Stella Damasus’ Article on “Keeping Your Man”

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Ali Baba & Mary B - August 2013 - BellaNaija

“Stella, you keep putting yourself out there for criticism”

“hhhmmmm aunty Stella biko meshionu”

“Another day, another boring chauvinistic list about what men want.”

Those were some of the comments by BellaNaija readers on Stella Damasus‘ article on Keeping Your Man. Yesterday we published the post which the Nollywood star said is for married women. (Click Here to Read)

If you follow superstar comedian Ali Baba on Twitter, you will know he occasionally engages his followers in some interesting topics. Recently, it was What Made Your Guy Leave You.

After a lot of criticism, the comedian posted a response on his official Facebook page. He also gave his thoughts on Stella’s article.

Check it out!

Sometime back, in March, I was advising a babe on how to make a man stay. Some comments posted in reply to my status were that men are only controlled by their third legs, money, yansh, boobs, beauty and ego.

I tried to highlight a very serious point that babes were missing.

And that is, EVERY MAN WANTS BETTER. WE DO NOT WANT TO FEEL THE ONE WE LET GO WAS BETTER.

Not too long ago, I read some wild and wide criticism that greeted what Stella Damasus wrote about keeping a man.

To some, wrong as they were, Stella had no business telling anyone how to keep a man. I believe she does. I actually think she knows more than she revealed.

Growing up in Ojo Cantonment, my Dad and I were walking back from his friend from a Soldier in the Education Corp of the Nigerian Army, from Gongola state who had been made a Major.

Just as we took a turn, from the Officers’ Mess, a naked mad man was running towards us from the opposite direction, shouting Mad Man… Mad man… To my surprise, My Dad, who was a military man, told us to run for cover.

So he dragged me behind a kerosine tank, pushed me to the ground and kept looking to see what the mad man was running from. Meanwhile, some two Fulani men who used to come into the barracks regularly to read palms of anyone who yielded their hands to them, had been walking behind us, before we took cover. They kept walking.

I nearly laughed when I saw them make a U-turn, and took off after the mad man that had run pass us, it now looked like they were chasing the mad man that was shouting “Maaaaaad man!”

On the heels of the Fulani palm readers was another mad man, brandishing a UTC cutlass. Not Machete. Cutlass. The type used in felling trees. That type that reminded one of Prince Nico Nbaga’s bell bottom trousers back then.

He was swinging the weapon of death as he pursued… It became obvious to us from where we were crouched that the madman had no one in mind as a target. He was after anyone he could lay his eyes on. Because, soon as the Fulani men, vanished at the end of the Block, he gave up on that chase and followed one Man selling Festac 77 sleeveless Adire.

Mr Adire seller was actually laughing at the way the Fulani men took to their heels. So, this time I had to laugh when I saw how the amusement on his face changed into fright. He took off and jumped across the gutter by Palmy Bus stop. He continued running even after the machete carrying mad man hand found new targets.

Sorry I digressed. Hope you are still with me.

My Dad later told me a proverb in urhobo, “AVUE ODIERO, NE EKI VHENRHEE!”. Which means you do not need to tell a deaf man that there is chaos and uncontrollable commotion in the market. He can see. That’s all he needs.

Back to Stella Damasus’ write up. We are not all perfect. That said, when a Musician writes a love song, do you stop listening to the love song or letting the lyrics connect to your relationship because the singer has divorced 8 times or has not been able to hold a relationship longer than 3 months? I don’t think so. I think Stella did well. If you like go call police.

Back to the HASHTAG I talked about earlier, #WhatMadeYourGuyLeaveYou. Many ladies missed the point as they always often do. They were talking about how men are polygamous in nature, Cheats, irresponsible, not ready for commitment, gigolos, lack ambition, lack self control, think with their third legs… BLA BLA BLA.

I need to mention at this time, that I was at that time preparing to talk to young ladies who were looking to settle down and finding the right guy. And to tell you the truth, a lot of the ladies missed the whole point by a mile or 2. They need to read Stella Damasus’ piece.

It’s easy for a lady to say, a guy was not serious that’s why the relationship broke up. Or to say, he used her and dumped her for another lady. Fine. That is what they think made the guy leave. But to be honest, was that all there was to it?

I would like you to know that, that is not entirely the truth. A guy would always weigh his options. He would want to know if he is getting the best. Or if he can see the best coming soon.

ABEG OOO

Before a lot of ladies eat me raw, let me explain. I do agree that it’s a two way street, but I can only speak for the WAY I HAVE BEEN ON. I AM AS STRAIGHT AS THEY COME. I KNOW AND HAVE KNOWN ONLY WOMEN.

Have you as a babe listed some CORE 10 things that you think you have that will make a guy not want to leave you?
Do you also have some other unique things that a guy will not get anywhere else?
Ok, lets agree he likes your breast, your bum bum and your soft body. What has any of those got to do with respect, the tone with which you talk to him, showing you are happy to be the one he chose, supporting his dreams… Does he like blowjobs? Do you give him same? Does he like talking? Do you listen? Some girls are funny, they will admit to knowing that the other girl beats them in several departments, yet still say, they don’t know why he moved on to her. Really???

There several things that makes a man make up his mind that it is you or otherwise. DONT get it twisted… If he finds out that someone has 15 CORE things that you have only 3 of and even the 3 are sometimes canceled out by the bad things like nagging, pride, greed…that have formed your character.

Your own don set. You are sitting there comparing yourself to someone who has 13 things, more than you and is willing to tolerate his weaknesses and learn more. Yet you are quick to say, you don’t know what he sees in “that girl”. Hey girlfriend, your beauty stands no where near the towering personality and good heart “that girl” has. Better recognize.

I know I have stepped on that last nerve you have been tolerating me with. OYA delete me. I even need space to add people who tolerate and think like I do.

I rest my case.

Do you agree? Let us know!

106 Comments

  1. nasa

    August 28, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

    • zsa zsa

      August 28, 2013 at 8:43 pm

      ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!
      I have no problem with stella or Alibaba giving relationship advise, but damn!! CAN WE HAVE SOME ARTICLES ON WHAT WOMEN WANT or HOW TO KEEP YOUR LADY HAPPY?!?!
      Pls note i said “some” not one…at least to even the playing field.
      Jeez! Is this all there is to talk about these days in nigeria? unemployment, poor power supply, terrible roads, non existent security,thieving politicians….all these are not enough to keep folks preoccupied?
      ENOUGH ALREADY! women must know how to do this or learn how to do that…we have been schooled on “how to” since we were little girls….some of us are tired. Stop scaring single ladies with all this one sided advise…. i did not do no stupid evaluations or lists when i was dating my then boyfriend, he came after me guns-a-blazing and turned out he was what i wanted too. YES people, i actually asked myself if he was the one or if i could do better. The man should not be the only one with the option to choose, the woman has such rights too.
      There is no secret on how to keep a happy relationship or have a happy marriage….just treat your partner the way you would want to be treated, be nice to each other, i promise it works.
      End of rant!

    • laughinggas

      August 29, 2013 at 1:56 am

      You took the words right out of my fingers, Zsa zsa

    • Iphie

      August 29, 2013 at 8:07 am

      my thoughts exactly!

    • TheAgnostic1

      August 29, 2013 at 9:46 am

      Perfect response. These how to keep a man articles are tiring. Over and over again, women are told to hold the short end of the stick, women have been told they have no choice. Yes, you have a choice. The same way a man might not want to be with you, is the same way you might not be with him.
      Aaargh, the chauvinistic streak in Nigerians is appalling and is unfortunately perpetuated by both the males and females. Women please stop listening to this bull. Be with a man that makes you happy. You have options and being single is not a death sentence. Ask yourself, does he do things to keep you as well.
      I am too angry to say more. And the writing was atrocious and so off point.

  2. darry

    August 28, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Check this this out!! plushstyles.blogspot.co.uk Thank me later!!!

  3. me2

    August 28, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    I completely agree with you AliBaba… men are not the same… a woman has to really find out and be sure what her man appreciates/wants in/from a her…life is too short to endure what you can afford/find elsewhere… its beyond the physical features… and for auntie stella *lips sealed* this write up supersedes hers by far cos its coming from a well respected source.

  4. t.c

    August 28, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    Truth be told,it feels and sounds more reasonable and thought-provokingcoming 4rm Alibaba. I align wt his ‘piece’. And p.s-i dnt h8 stella o

  5. Hurperyermie

    August 28, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Stella has points and am not disputing that but my pain is that instead of keeping this away from Doris (cos am sure before (DAN and DORIS) finally went seperate ways aunty stella wld av knwn wat was going on,) why did she not sit Doris down and advice her so that they can still be together PERSON WEY CARRY PALM OIL NO THEIF REACH PERSON WEY COLLECT AM DOWN. The truth here is that she is a home breaker (Insult me if u like that one na ur biz)

  6. Mz Socially Awkward...

    August 28, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    So… “keeping your man” has become the latest cause to be fought by grown Nigerians? E don reach like this?? “Occupy Naija” never stood a chance …

    • Kamal

      August 28, 2013 at 2:42 pm

      LOOOOOOOL!!!!! Orisirisi.

    • Bimbo

      August 28, 2013 at 2:53 pm

      Hahahahah
      But for real, it appears my people always make the loudest noise when it comes to issues between the legs…………. SMH. Naija i hail ooo

    • The Real Madam the Madam

      August 28, 2013 at 2:51 pm

      Nna men. I taya.

    • annon

      August 28, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      Men, this is the best comment for real….

    • Abana

      August 28, 2013 at 4:35 pm

      Ms SA, I am on an internship right now in Lagos. Trust me, thats all everybody thinks about. Everybody wants a man, everybody wants to marry. ‘keeping your man’ is the order of the day. As one of my fellow intern says, there are too many fine girls in Lagos so guys are like babies in a candy store. Should this be the case? No, but it sadly is.

    • Labsy

      August 29, 2013 at 5:45 am

      But you can’t keep a man against his wish. E je lo sinmi Edo and focus on your lives

  7. lola

    August 28, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    this is a very good article! I will definitely make out a list of characteristics that I feel are my strong points. If they are not enough I will try to work on developing more positive chraracter traits…

  8. makeupbyebi

    August 28, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    I totally agree.

  9. Tunde Asekun

    August 28, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    GBam! this is the word of the elder. Ali baba. I love and respect you a lot. I think you should have ablog where we can get to read these wise words of yours. Cheers

  10. Love

    August 28, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Uncle Alibaba you said the right thing truly speacking. You know when people like you speck, I always tend to listen and learn from you BUT absolutely no from STELLA DAMASUS mbanu!! Uncle ali, you are a role model to lots of people. No one is perfect but I believe u do thing with Caution bcos lots of invisible eeyes are looking up on you. Apparently, stella was addressing her piece to Doris (the once married woman whose hubby was snached at gun point) that’s my opinion. No hard feelings. That said, I have picked some points fm ur witeup. Good one alibaba.

    • A.E.I

      August 28, 2013 at 3:17 pm

      First you spelt it as ‘speack’ then you moved on to ‘speck’, O di egwu o!!! Truly SPEAKING i bow for you o.

    • riri

      August 28, 2013 at 4:59 pm

      What gives you the right to say stuff about stella? She is no different fro Ali-baba ok? He to has been divorced.

  11. itsjustme

    August 28, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    how to keep your man? nigeria seems to be a place of survival of the fittest!

    how about making urselves happy in a relationship. be content, know what u want n fulfil it. dont endure for ONE want n NO needs

  12. Fashionista

    August 28, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    Let me understand something first, when you say a man will weigh his options, are you referring to a man who is still just dating? in which case that is fine. Because a married man should have finished weighing his options fully before making a choice oh. And in the event he meets the someone that has those “15 core things”, he should be responsible and mature enough to know that he should let her go as he has already made a decision, no?

    Anyway as we all know, all this is just brilliant logic, it hardly ever works that way, though it should.

    • Iris

      August 28, 2013 at 5:21 pm

      Thank you. Even in some relationships sef, there are certain times you may think someone else is better but you always have a choice. Anyway, with regards to Stella, it is possible to keep a man the way she described. I suppose it just depends on the kind of man you want to be “keeping”

    • Sinister

      August 29, 2013 at 10:04 pm

      Gbam. In addition, if it’s about characteristics, a cheating man will find the “16th core” character trait that his current wife/girlfriend doesn’t have. Lets cut the crap and stop fooling ourselves. It’s inherent human nature to blame other people for stupid choices that we make. And it’s inherently Nigerian to always blame women for bad choices that men make. It always absolves the men for taking responsibility for their actions. The truth is, he cheated because he wanted to cheat. Period. Everything else is just semantics.

  13. slice

    August 28, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    While u are single, u r allowed to compare and contrast and seek what u consider to be the best partner for you. Once u get married that should stop. That’s why they say shine ur eye while u’re single and become blind when u marry. What alibaba sd should not apply to a mature married man or woman. “For they comparing themselves to themselves are not wise.” If me and my man are both seeing the best in each other and working on growing together, then we ve a deal. But if he wants to compare my cooking to rachael ray, my sex appeal to halle berry, my cleaning to the pine soil lady, my voice to mariah carey, my writng to atoke :), etc etc etc, then abeg I can’t come and die

    • Aibee

      August 28, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      BN! BN! BN ohhhhh! How many times did I call you? Where is the “like” button when you need one?

    • MamaT

      August 28, 2013 at 3:42 pm

      Nice one Slice, i totally agree with you.

    • Fashionista

      August 28, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      *Hi five* jare Slice!!!

    • Mayowa

      August 28, 2013 at 4:18 pm

      Slice, you comment makes too much sense. I think that advice is for single people. Once you are married, no more options. Marriage, like everything that is good, takes hard work; hardwork from both husband and wife. Because trust me a woman can compare just like the man but all that is not necessary.
      Finally, from what I have learnt in this my short life, there is no hard and fast rule to relationship. You can only have guidelines. At the end of the day, it is the parties involved that can really make a relationship work or not

    • whocares

      August 28, 2013 at 8:25 pm

      AMEN!!!!!

    • bindiddy

      August 28, 2013 at 10:16 pm

      gbam!!!

  14. Kamal

    August 28, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    There’s no formula for these things. Enjoy your relationship and be happy. Not all relationships will lead to marriage. If it does, well and good. If it doesn’t, move on and be happy. But learn from the experience.

    • babee

      August 28, 2013 at 3:50 pm

      #TRUETALK

    • Omo1

      August 28, 2013 at 4:48 pm

      I agree!

  15. iamdupe

    August 28, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    True talk ali baba! May una leave stella alone. Deal wit ur issues cs everyone has theirs.#shikena

  16. pynk

    August 28, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Keep your man blah blah blah, but does he want to keep you?

    • didabliz

      August 28, 2013 at 3:38 pm

      i 1da oh!

    • Lou

      August 28, 2013 at 6:03 pm

      @pynk, stay there you go Tay for your papa house. Things don change, na woman dey catch man!

    • Labsy

      August 29, 2013 at 5:42 am

      Pele…if you keep this mentality up, you will easily catch herpes join ur condition

  17. Jaydyte

    August 28, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    This write up by Alibaba or whatever his name is does not make any sense. To even link it or compare it to what Stella wrote for the girls is daft. You will know it is a male chauvinist writing this:
    “Have you as a babe listed some CORE 10 things that you think you have that will make a guy not want to leave you? ”
    Whatever! Has the guy himself listed 10 things that will make me not leave him for another man with better prospects?

    Relationship is an individual thing, stick to who makes you comfortable, you are shopping for clothes. You are talking about a person with emotions and feelings not an object you just exchange for the next when you are tired. Anyone who does this is sure to end up with a wasted life, ie if the life is not already wasting away now. Build on and with whomsoever you’ve got, no one is perfect.

    • Terrific Caliph

      August 29, 2013 at 6:53 pm

      I agree with you in totality…Ali Baba, a serial monogamist, needs to be properly tutored by Charles Oputa on ”how to keep a woman’…

  18. serena

    August 28, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    I agree

  19. nomad

    August 28, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    So the whole responsibility on maintaining a relationship falls on the woman? All men need to do is to remain their sexy, caring and absolutely perfect self (/sarcasm) and women will fall all over themselves to change their character to keep that paragon of perfection? Wow. I think I’m done, I’m moving to a cave where I don’t have to subject myself to all this bullshit (/closes computer)

  20. elle

    August 28, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdddd!!!! that’s all i can say.

  21. Nonhlanhla

    August 28, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    nobody has the correct answer how to keep your man. there is no step one or step two how to keep a guy. its just the grace of God when a guy decides to marry you.

    • Abana

      August 28, 2013 at 4:38 pm

      E reach the grace of God? So all my above 35 sisters are not blessed by God’s grace? You are a dum dum.

  22. ade

    August 28, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    If alibaba is talking about singles he is right but for married men this logic is wrong. Many men feel they can pick and choose and they do not realise that they themselves are lacking in many areas and are being managed or their wives are choosing to see the best in them. You want her to dress nice but since you had kids you have never taken her to common Mr Biggs. She should be dressing up while cleaning the house abi? Some men just need to grow up abeg! If you make her happy,she will do the best to please you but if you only think of you, you cannot get her best. Simple!

  23. Friday's other child

    August 28, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    I’m still waiting for the ‘how to keep your woman’ articles. Oh, silly me, that’s right no one ever bothers with those, because we’ve completely normalised this idea of the man being the ‘Golden egg’, the sole treasure that has to be fussed and fawned over. The one who has to be kept. I cant help but be irked by such deeply engrained sexist thinking. I’d definitely rather be single than be with anyone who doesn’t understand that there is a JOINT responsibility to make the relationship work, and a worthwhile venture for both parties involved.

    • prime babe

      August 29, 2013 at 2:55 pm

      lol

  24. sparkle

    August 28, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    I totally agree with Ali baba, afterall we don’t need relationship advice from somebody who steals other peoples men.

    • dlapikin

      August 28, 2013 at 3:55 pm

      To the contrary somebody who steals other people’s men Knows why they followed her. She understands what the wives did not. If you build a security software, you will need a hacker’s input.

    • Odutola

      August 28, 2013 at 4:33 pm

      These are people’s lives, emotions, futures we are talking about. Comparing it to security software is quite daft. No offence.

    • Labsy

      August 29, 2013 at 5:37 am

      Me I’m sha waiting for the demise of Stella and Daniel ….it’s just inevitable . Oju lo pe si

  25. Odutola

    August 28, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    How come all these “advice” are focusing on the woman’s faults or problems? That is the one I don’t get at all. She must do this, she didn’t do that, she should have done so. The whole time, the attention has been taken away from the man’s flaws as if he is perfect. She has only 3 things that are good and 13 that are bad, or whatever BS he wrote. What about the man. He has no flaws at all, or because it is the man that proposes, he is automatically raised to the pedestal of perfect and you are the one that has to pander to him so that he chooses you, as if he is doing you a favour. Has anyone considered that a woman too must choose her husband. That it is your right as a woman to choose who you will spend the rest of your life with, raise a family with. if you don’t consider a man good enough for you, to be your husband and father of your children, is that a bad thing. Just because your ex broke up with you and married someone else doesn’t make you the woman a bad person or even make his new wife better than you. That is a lie from the pit of hell. Why do we let people talk to women like this. He married someone else now makes him angelic, his wife angelic and you are the loser. WHAT!!!! Which kind of analogy is that? and this is a man who is a father to daughters, Stella herself also has a female child. What does it say to the psyche and self worth of a woman if you are now saying that because she is single now, and her friends are married, there must be something wrong with her. Has anyone ever cosnidered that many married men are not good husbands at all. With the rate of infidelity in our land, do we really need to spell it out for these men. With the increasing rate of domestic violence in our land, should we write it on a billboard and plce in Tafawa balewa Square? Not once has the issue of the man’s problems or his flaws been discussed. Not once. Anyone who considers what he said wise words must really have self hate on lock down. Therein people lies the problem. We the women of today, men of today, parents of today are raising boys that will become the problem to our dauthers in the future. It is like a generational curse. When are we going to put a stop to it. A man is not a god stop worshipping him

    • lola

      August 28, 2013 at 5:35 pm

      One billion likes!! Kisses

    • Cynthia

      August 28, 2013 at 5:45 pm

      “We the women of today, men of today, parents of today are raising boys that will become the problem to our dauthers in the future. It is like a generational curse. When are we going to put a stop to it. A man is not a god stop worshipping him.” WORD UP!!!

    • dlapikin

      August 28, 2013 at 6:25 pm

      Odutola, there is an African proverb that says “the tree that grows in the desert has more tell than the one that grows in the forest”. You only know if you are strong once you are tested. And if somebody who has been in the home building and home wrecking end give you advice, I think you should listen. That you don’t like software security being compared to people lives is quite silly on your part because such security breach can ruin people lives as well in our days. If a thief tell you don’t use this type of door on your home because they are easily broken in, do you listen to him or do you listen to your friend who has never experienced a burglary and who lives in a safer neighborhood? I don’t like the idea that the burden must always be on the woman to save or protect the home but it is the premise of our cultural concept of the family. We socially accept that men will cheat, that they will be moody, tempered, faulty etc. But at the end of the day women are the ones who pay the tribute of the divorce in our society. So you can decide to criticize the advice or take it, at the end of the day, there is what we would like, and there is what reality is.

    • BOTM

      August 28, 2013 at 8:12 pm

      Noooooo *kevin hart’s voice*
      Please shut up. 😐

    • Iphie

      August 29, 2013 at 8:18 am

      *I don’t like the idea that the burden must always be on the woman to save or protect the home but it is the premise of our cultural concept of the family. We socially accept that men will cheat, that they will be moody, tempered, faulty etc. * Are you alright?

    • nene

      August 28, 2013 at 8:26 pm

      my dear, you are the only one that has said something worth saying!

    • Iphie

      August 29, 2013 at 8:14 am

      God bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  26. tatafo!

    August 28, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    omo naija women don suffer sha, na so we just dey indispensable reach?

  27. Nunu milk

    August 28, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    When are we going to see an article on ‘how to keep your woman’ for the guys?? Smh!

  28. Impeccable

    August 28, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    His article does have some truth to it but it shouldn’t be compared to that of yesterday and is not necessarily a response to that. Yesterday’s was in reference to ALREADY married men? If so, then he has no options to be comparing with. He’s married. What should happen in this case is that the wife tries to get to the 13 (sticking with his example) core traits her husband desires. A man will always seek that which makes him happy… but the guy(s) himself cannot ask for too much…

  29. slice

    August 28, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    16 little things to keep your woman happy. http://www.davidwygant.com/blog/16-little-things-to-keep-your-woman-happy-so-she-doesnt-have-to-ask/. ehen. you can’t say we didn’t tell you what we want now :). some examples from there (cook sometimes (or all the time even better), give us massages, rub our feet. And if you won’t cook, at least do all the cleaning. That’s actually quite balanced. Pretty much do to us as you would have us do to you

  30. Smiley

    August 28, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    This makes absolutely no sense… Alibaba pls face your 2nd wife, when you find a better option, leave. Stella pls face your 3rd husband, when he finds a better option, he’d leave.

    • i no send

      August 28, 2013 at 4:36 pm

      gbam..my thoughts exactly…2 people who have had unstable/scandalous relationships giving advice abi???i choose not to say what i know bout the adviser….next

    • Labsy

      August 29, 2013 at 5:33 am

      Kpom

  31. Libra

    August 28, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    hmmm weigh his options… but when a girl weigh her options by getting a richer guy, then she is a gold digger or an asewo… abeg story nooni gbogbo e… my motor is what will be will be

  32. Sisi

    August 28, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    His comments are only relevant for a guy who is concerned with settling and finding the right one, not the smally boy trying to do as much as he can just for the fun of it. Don’t mistake the two. Why you can’t keep a boy is different to why you can’t keep a man. All in all, I agreed relatively with what Stella was saying.

  33. jennietobbie

    August 28, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    …and must people stl missed the point. Damn!!

    • jennietobbie

      August 28, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      most**

  34. sunny

    August 28, 2013 at 4:45 pm

    I agree with Ali Baba, he said like it is .

  35. sunny

    August 28, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    thats just truth dot come y’all. take it or leave
    sunnygist.blogspot.com

  36. Dazzle

    August 28, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    Marriage just seems like a big project….
    Check out http://wwl-whatwelovetodo.blogspot.com/2013/08/meet-tematinz.html

  37. bignaijababe

    August 28, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    I am getting a fever from all these constant talks about men. MEN THIS!!! MEN THAT!!! BIKONU we don tire, for me I have more important things to think about other than pleasing a man. Maybe when the man rises up to his role COMPLETELY in the home then and only then will I reconsider, as long as I am still out there bring home some part of the bacon, as long as I leave my home at the crack of dawn to be at the office for eight in the morning, as long as I am wearing one leg of his trousers hmmmmmm…….. I rest my case oh! Read my lips you MEN the sun does not shine out of your sorry behinds

    • bignaijababe

      August 28, 2013 at 5:41 pm

      *bringing*

    • Akpeno

      September 3, 2013 at 7:00 pm

      GBAM!!

  38. Hidi

    August 28, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    Relationships are not a one size fits all. We can read all the books in the world and listen to all the relationship expert….It is what it is…

  39. OTITOKORO

    August 28, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    SMH…..clearly everyone interprets issues based on their personal bias. Hide behind pseudo names and computer screen to spew their ignorance, bitterness, and closed minds, una well done.
    Take the advise or leave it, no need to attack people or their situations. #kilode

  40. InCotonou

    August 28, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    Why are women always so worried about losing their “men”?
    You rarely see articles, blogs and columns advising men about her
    to keep their women. You see a few, yes, but in volume, the first
    totally outweighs the second. I think it’s because guys have
    understood how life works, and we are still trying to live in fairy
    land. We live in fear. Fear of ending up single. Why? Because we
    are afraid of being lonely, or worse, that we will be laughed at
    for not getting marries. Or we want the validation that comes from
    calling ourselves “Mrs”. We are afraid because we secretly pity and
    laugh at those who are not married, and we find them wanting.
    Marriage is good, don’t get me wrong but if you do it for the wrong
    reasons, it does not remove the fear. Which is why we spend so much
    of our time and energy thinking about how to keep the man. As if he
    were a prized possession, and not a breathing, thinking person with
    a mind of his own. And this is the secret that men have understood.
    Be yourself. A person who love you for you will stay. And if they
    don’t love you for you, no amount of “how to keep your man” will
    keep them from leaving. And men know this, this is why they are
    calm. When you know that you have no real power over what another
    person will do, then you don’t worry about it!

  41. KarmenSimms

    August 28, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    We Nigerians are so quick to judge anyone that steps outside that perfect “hypothetical” line we have drawn for ourseleves…. Stella gave relationship advice…so what?! She is entitled to her opinion on how she kept her man. It worked for her…it might work for you. In my books she is not at fault in anyway. Any man who has eyes and sees he’s being seduced and yet no use in leg komot for there wants whats coming. Abi them tie am with rope? Back to my point, personally this might not work for me, but I can tailor it to what I can do for my man. Its always best to communicate same to your man though so he knows what to expect and what u expect in return. To each his own 😉

  42. temitope

    August 28, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    In fact @ incotonou, u re too much

  43. 'Mide

    August 28, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    A woman also weighs her options. Not just the man.Marriage is more like an ongoing commercial transaction with each partner weighing options in the market place. In any case, I can only see that people should not take the other for granted and see how much value is added to their relationship.Life goes by pretty fast.

  44. X-factor

    August 28, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    Elder’s talk…

  45. AW

    August 28, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    To all those expletive going on about Stella, Dan and Doris love triangle, WHERE YOU THERE? If you were not privy to what went down, keep your opinions to yourself! You cannot arrive at a conclusion from just reading gossip magazines.
    As for the relationship advice, I look at the comments and wonder why we must always turn everything to a competition between a man and a woman?

  46. Labsy

    August 29, 2013 at 5:30 am

    A ma se nkan o. Another male idolizing post…I’m still recovering from Stella damasus and now this..stop setting women back with these medieval chauvinistic horse crap

  47. ifeoma

    August 29, 2013 at 7:54 am

    Na wa oooooo! What happened to Stella’s 2nd husband? How come she can’t keep him? So what happened to the single men? Her place in hell is hot for her. U break someones home without shame n come to advice the public how to keep a man. Sebi her children na girls. Thank God

  48. Dee

    August 29, 2013 at 9:25 am

    Perfection is a mirage. a mere dream. Guys the perfect woman does not exist. Grow up. you are merely exchanging one set of imperfection for another. infidelity is not a man’s right. Lets call its original name. Its adultery! what do u do to keep your woman happy? when was the last time your wife actually laughed? when was the last time she had an orgasm? when was the last tie she spent a quiet afternoon with her husband? when was the last time she slept while you fed the baby at night. The commandment of keeping the marriage is on the men. Husbands, love your wife, even as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. wives submit to your own husband even as Sarah submitted to Abraham. when will Nigerian men grow up? when will the Naija man, face his responsibility as a man. I have never seen a woman bitter because her man loves her and is always there for her and the kids. Stella, i have n respect for you as a person nor as a woman. Sex does not make a perfect marriage. it means that the day you have cancer or unable to make love, your husband will dump your sorry ass. If you are so perfect, what happened to Emeka Nzeribe? Alibaba, please sit down and shut up. its disgusting when celebs, put their ignorance in our faces like they are talking to idiots. being single is not a disease. being divorced doesn’t make you a failure. you have a part to play in your marriage, play it. It takes two folks. i will rather walk away than live in bitterness praying for my oartner to drop dead. i rest my case,… i await the fire

    • Fashionista

      August 30, 2013 at 11:00 am

      No fire here oh Dee, got a lot of love for your comment! You have spoken well!

  49. mia

    August 29, 2013 at 9:52 am

    my people will say that “the dog that will get missing will never listen to the hunter’s whistle”. No matter what you do, a man that wants to stray and get lost like a dog will do so. my pal who is a guy once told me that it takes about a month for a guy to make up his mind about you and choosing to be responsible in a marriage or relationship is about your mindset. so i tell my sisters, stop saying yes to those men you know is cheating on you or you know is eyes are always straying even when you’re right beside him. and one thing i always know is that when a guy is completely lost in you and out of his mind in love with you, he will put up with just anything, even when it really hurts him, he’ll be patient with you and kind about it.

    bottomline: stop choosing the wrong men that are willing to be snatched, choose men that know the intricacies of marriage, men that have a vision and a goal for their homes and who see their marriage as a platform to even make heaven. my 50kobo.

  50. Sophie

    August 29, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    Hahahahahaha. All the men in 9ja thinking that today’s ladies will apply all these advice are on a loooooooooong thing. Una dey jonze ooooo. Because as far as i am concerned, we are having more and more ladies having many options to choose from. that explains why a lady ddating a guy who is not ready to marry her will PORT to the next available guy who is ready. Ladies have wisened up ooo. stop deceiving your Egoistic selves. Ladies get options too and if you are not man enough to do what you are supposed to do as a a REAL MAN, well somebody more man enough than you will Replace u sharp sharp!!! Except for some ladies who are still dulling themselves but majority of ladies now are playing the same game u men are playing. NO DULLING OOOO. hahaha. A lady with 5 boyfrnds sharing the division of labour among her mugus sure has a lot of options and come to think of it, some guys dnt mind sharing especially when the lady is HOT!! they always say that as long as the lady isnt married to anybody YET, they dont mind sharing simply because they want to see her face. are you gonna tell me girls have become scarce for these set of guys??? abegiii. Wake up to reality!! 9ja ladies are fed up with all these articles and are now deciding to take control of their lives. Sorry, this article only makes sense to ladies of the 18th century. Come up with something different that relates to what is happening now. Stop fantasising about ladies worshipping Men because that NO LONGER EXISTS. You feel me?? If ladies of now can be soooooo Bold as to have 5 guys boyfrnds, Then you need to stop fantasising n wake up to reality o.k. hahahahahaha.

  51. Sophie

    August 29, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    In your Bid to find ladies of good qualities mentioned by Ali baba, You 9ja men have all Failed Woefully. Because Greed doesnt take you anywhere. Upon the way You men cheat and double date so as to get a good wife, you all still enter inside PIT. Upon tasting all the ladies you all have been opportuned to taste in the name of ‘Weighing’, you all can’t still find a good lady as a wife. Why??? Only very few of you are lucky to find such women. Admit it, you have all FAILED!! Why dnt you all go back to God and do what he asks of you?? You cant be greedy and expect God to give you a good wife?? MBANU!! That is why you are all failing and paying the price of your actions. Wake up to REALITY!! It is more difficult to find a GOOD LADY AND WIFE NOW. that is why the Bible said ” He who has found a Wife has found a good thing”. You men are already finding it veeeeeeeery difficult getting a good wife and it will get worse because of what ladies have become and will become. All these articles will do nothing. You men should go back to God if u want one. Porting from one lady to another wont solve anything as your mates are seeing it now. even the good ladies you come across, you dont treat them well. you dnt seem to be attracted to them. you men love WAHALA WOMEN and that is what you are all getting na.

    • Juba

      August 30, 2013 at 5:08 am

      Yes o. They scout and scout and weigh…they still pick the
      wrong chic.

  52. arrestannie

    August 29, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    It is embarrassing that a so-called celebrity, who fancies himself as a purveyor of superior insight lacks the basic skills of written expression. Ali baba needs to brush up on his grammar, punctuation and elegance of expression. The whole article is perforated by glaring punctuation/grammatical errors and contradictions – e.g. ‘always often’. The structure and delivery of his introductory anecdote leaves alot to be desired and I struggled to make sense of his account of events.

    Disappointly, Ali Baba has failed in his cheap attempt at publicity and makes no original/novel contribution to the subjective, boring and trite topic.

    Ali Baba, even a crying baby knows which feeding bottle is more attractive if offered a choice between 2 bottles – one full and the other almost empty.

  53. pam

    August 29, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    PEEPS!!! we have all given our opinions which are okay in our different ways, but then i also think we really need to extract the message from the messanger. We would not say because a mad man has given advise we wuldn’t take it. I am not in anyway supporting stella in any wrong but its good we take her message and what alibaba has also advised, learn from it and improve on ourselves, that will add to whatever we know and become better persons. We are are mature and i think everybody wants to be better. When we become better, we’ll know within ourselves and we feel gud bout it.

  54. prime babe

    August 29, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    Gold will remain gold whether in the hands of a leper or a king. Take what you will from what they have said. chikena.
    Marriage is a beautiful thing and should be enjoyed. yes, there’d be issues (i have issues with my sibs who i grew up with so its very possible for guy i meet in my 20s or 30s), working on it TOGETHER and consciously is the “magic”. Having said that, I am a gift to any guy i chose to be with.he may realise that now or never but thats his call. and whether it works out or not, he’d be a gift to me too because there is a lesson to be learnt from everybody and every encounter.

  55. naana

    August 29, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    am tired of “how to keep a man”, now i want “how to keep a woman.”
    enough already haba.

  56. Jamce

    August 29, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    Oga Ali Baba, I be dey respect you small before. But I now know that this your “man weighing options” in support of serial divorcees like yourself and Stella is just what it is… Very dumb. I guess you are the best man that happened to mother earth you are entitled to weigh options and women are not so entitled. I beg, this is justification for marital or relationship irresponsibility on the part of men. No wonder we are not longer bringing up men who are true leaders in discipline, morality, professionalism etc. Everything is now a matter of personal convenience.

  57. Itunu

    August 30, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    all the advice are on women because men are damn too selfish. guys u can make it easier for ur woman to respect u by showing her that attention, she so much craves for. wht about being nice to her…some men are damn too mean to their wives that u sometimes wonder if they ever loved them before marrying them…as a christian i believe women should be respectful to their husbands, but men also have roles to play here, show ur wife that u care, support her, assist her in everything, help her grow, dont critizise, her rather make her happy and see if she will not show u all the respect ure starving for, afterall the bible even supports caring for ur wife..biko write on sumtin else..these stuffs on wht men want are becoming boring.The new generational men are simply too selfish, no wonder marriages no longer last. may good Lord help us.

  58. MT

    September 3, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    @Odutola… It’s called an analogy… Chill mehn!
    Sensitivity is a symptom of PMS. Refer to Midol
    #justsaying

  59. MT

    September 3, 2013 at 11:33 pm

    I like several comments… However there is nothing wrong
    with self improvement. If it is brought to your attention that your
    attitude stinks not just from your ex but from the mouth of 2 or 3
    other witnesses, what’s wrong with fixing it? Nothing! But don’t
    “fix it” just because you want to get married (you will eventually
    default back to your previous state), fix it because you want to be
    a better person. Pick up a skill because you want to be better not
    because you want to be wife or husband material. Just be the best
    you you can be for your own sake!!! Stop counting on human beings
    to teach you “how to”, follow His lead! Don’t let anybody put you
    down with nonsense like you are not good enough… God fashioned
    you to be the best you. All you need is to be who He called you to
    be. When people bring their observations and advise to your
    attention you still need to take it to God and see if they are
    valid cause folks don’t mind putting you down to soothe &
    justify their ills. If nothing entered your head from what I said
    please allow this one to take root…LADIES & GENTLEMEN, IT
    IS NOT BY YOUR POWER OR BY YOUR KNOW HOW… IT IS ONLY GOD THAT CAN
    SEE 30+ YEARS FROM NOW (remember you only have the gift of
    hindsight while He has the foresight). JUST RELAX, BE THE BEST YOU,
    AND LET HIM DO WHAT HE DOES.

  60. Abi

    October 1, 2013 at 7:49 pm

    I used to think this Ali Baba guy made sense but now……
    Don’t blame him- is his (wife) that has taken up his many children that I blame- cos he now thinks that he is the best thing after sliced bread!!! If he married a correct lady, he will be looking for ways to keep her instead of massaging he’s ego by writing rubbish like this!

  61. Chy

    October 4, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    You make it sound like dating a lady or marrying a lady should be a thing of gambling like she has to rate high scores to get you “deciding if shes the one”…if that’s the case then ‘all’ girls would be ‘happily married’ and there wont be any words of divorce if dats how it works bcz no one is bad enuff for you to judge them so,only God. Trust me if this is how u and stella keep up with choosing your ‘spouses’ or moving to the ‘next ones’ then obviously you are no examples for us to listen to or read cz ‘it obviously hasnt worked for you. Word; marriage is about loving an imperfect person perfectly,cz u arent perfect and surely if i were to gamble on you,i wouldnt choose you,so how does that feel? cz when you love sm1,its not about checking or comparing or settling for the one who jst mks ‘everytg’ comfortable for you all in the name of keeping ur man, omo mehn,no one can make any! stay if they dont want to,life is about choices,ppl leave beauty queens for regular chics not bcz theyr any better or smtg’s wrong with the former,na heart, na who person like, dnt do writeups to make these young girls feel like they have to prove smtg to get a man,nah! if he loves you hel appreciate your uniqueness,everygirl has a lovely quality about her,it takes meetg a man who loves you for who u are,every1 also has a flaw,if hes dat cool n cares that much hel tolerate it,and help u be better,thats love.Else,wots the point,wot memories do you have to share,wot are you fighting for?…oops i forgot your motto..”on to the next one if she doesnt cut it” as always. RELATIONSHIPS,MARRIAGE,PEOPLE arent perfect. You stay with someone cz you love them . Love is patient,kind,blvs all things ,hopes all things,is not rude, does not think of wrong,does not judge,is not easily angered,does not revenge. Your choice. Boobs sag,beauty fades,even good people change and get polluted,will u take flight? if you do,pls dnt blame it on them cz you chose not to stay,dnt judge people cz you are worse off,no one has that right to judge anyone or have high expectations of any1 cz u always fall short of yours too and you’re not d best to sm1 too,they stay cz they love you,its only a matter of meeting the person who’ll appreciate you for who you are. ‘One person’s meat is another’s poison’.

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