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Let’s Talk About the ‘Silent Treatment’

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I remember my days of using the Blackberry messenger which shows the delivered and read icons, and even more recently Whatsapp, which shows the exact timing you were last active. If you use any of the above platforms in communication, then you will understand how annoying it is when someone fails to acknowledge your message when it is obvious it has been read. It is even worse you experience this social rejection in real life.

Imagine being in a relationship or talking with someone exclusively for some time and all of a sudden no goodbyes, no words…They just vanished into thin air. How do you even begin to comprehend it? How do you get closure? There is mystery in silence, as it could mean a thousand and one things.

The silent treatment is a phenomenon most people would have encountered at some point in their lifetime, and too often it is being treated with triviality. Silence is a very problematic way of communication which suggests distress tolerance and poor emotion regulation skills; it is also classified as a form of emotional abuse.

I did a little research and found out that silent treatment is highly manipulative, involves emotional game-playing which is destructive to relationships. When repeatedly used in a relationship, this silent treatment will often eventually lead to the opposite of the desired outcome because many people will get tired of repeated manipulation and will pull away. Hence, people who engage in this type of silent treatment often alienate people and sabotage their relationships.

Let’s call it for what it really is; it is bad behavior that inflicts emotional hurt on its recipient. This way some people may never heal and they become permanently scarred. The cycle of hurt would not cease; hurt people, hurt other people. Whole-hearted people value communication and honesty regardless of any situation. Anyone who still uses this approach definitely needs a change in behavioral pattern.

If you have ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment, how did you deal with it? Share your story let’s talk about it.

Photo Credit: madamenoire.com
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Oluwabusola Adedire is a graduate of Medical and Pharmacological Sciences, an enthusiast on social issues, and loves to inspire people about life, God and Love. Find her on Instagram @hrh_oluwabusola and on Twitter @HRH_oluwabussie

152 Comments

  1. meeee

    September 3, 2013 at 10:45 am

    honeslt the silent treatment is not fun at all, at some point you will be asking yourself if theres something wrong with you, when its d other person that should be asked.

    • colby lantee

      April 16, 2016 at 2:28 pm

      byee

  2. naana

    September 3, 2013 at 10:46 am

    for silent treatment, i closed his book and burned it.
    moved on in life cos i have a God to serve, a life to live and people to love and vice versa.
    won’t allow silent treatment end my beautiful life.

    • MUMMY

      September 3, 2013 at 10:55 am

      good one naana,

    • Teris

      September 3, 2013 at 12:34 pm

      “like”

    • roundpeginasquarehole

      September 3, 2013 at 1:11 pm

      Thumbs up naana! This is the attitude I adopted when a relation and later an ex wanted to drive me insane with the silent treatment. Like the writer said “Imagine being in a relationship or talking with someone exclusively for some time and all of a sudden no goodbyes, no words…They just vanished into thin air. How do you even begin to comprehend it? How do you get closure?” Didn’t Know what/where I had gone wrong if it’s to apologize. Funny thing is it’s the said relation and ex that came back with some some flimsy excuse and apologizing, wanting to go back to the way things were. By then I had completely moved on and turned a corner.

      If someone gives you the silent treatment, move on from them. Cos they will surely come back if you’ve done nothing wrong. Even if they don’t, still move on!

    • roundpeginasquarehole

      September 3, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      Did the silent treatment hurt? Hell yeah it did! Was it easy to move on? No it wasn’t because this is/are persons who’s been part and fabric of your life for a longtime. But when you have it in your head, heart and mind that you’ve got to move on you do

    • Browngyrl

      September 8, 2013 at 4:44 am

      I agree with you. I did the same thing

  3. Africhic

    September 3, 2013 at 10:47 am

    hmmmm…………. i play this game

  4. Marilyn

    September 3, 2013 at 10:51 am

    The silent treatment is a very effective form of communication. As the saying goes “silence is golden”. However, this should only be used, when all other verbal forms of communication have failed and when it no more matters if the relationship dies or survives. Otherwise as you rightly stated, it is a form of abuse.

  5. Kiki

    September 3, 2013 at 10:51 am

    I ended flirting and my relationship got ruined, but i am happy new without him. Even though i am single and searching!

  6. Honey

    September 3, 2013 at 10:53 am

    Honestly the silent treatment is so painful it rips my heart out and tears it into a million pieces, i dont wish it for my worst enemy

    • Colour Purple

      September 3, 2013 at 2:27 pm

      He/She uses it on you because they know you love them more than they do you. So withdraw some of that love and shower it on yourself before you go crazy or better still walk far far away. I did and my life is much better for it 🙂

    • J

      September 3, 2013 at 3:11 pm

      hmmmm………………….I loved him more than he did me and after almost two years I haven’t been able to move on, yes I’ve met other people but its not been easy cos he was my best friend………………Please how do I shower love on myself?

  7. NaijaBiz

    September 3, 2013 at 10:58 am

    Im ashamed to admit it but a little weakness of mine is to hold grudges and dish out silent treatment.i don’t do well with confrontations so its an easy way out for me. Regardless..im working on it..lol

    • bafy

      September 3, 2013 at 11:06 am

      hahaha……sound just like me.

    • Bleed blue

      September 3, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      And me too 🙂

      #TeamChangeForTheBetter

    • Ding

      September 17, 2013 at 4:04 pm

      Don’t think there’s anything wrong in dishing out the silent treatment. I’d rather be silent than dish out the vile that comes out of my partners mouth. When you dance to the mad mans song you are mad as well…when he/she realizes you are silent because of something they did wrong they can apologize. If not they can go chill in hell!

    • Karla

      April 12, 2016 at 1:03 am

      What? Why not talk like an adult? Immature, cowardly and shows that you lack communication skills.. Sadistic.

  8. Mindy

    September 3, 2013 at 11:06 am

    OMG! This happens to me all the time and he tells me that ” I love the solitude of my own company”, who says that? and he isn’t even my boyfriend, but someone I totally admire when his head is correct. The only way I know how to handle him is that I reciprocate the action. I know he does this to his ex girlfriend who wants him back but he cant tell her no, and he uses this medium to frustrate her. it is very annoying.

  9. Hurperyermie

    September 3, 2013 at 11:11 am

    the last time i received the silent treatment i called it off and thank God i did cos he willingly accepted the break up right now am single and waiting jejely to be found and at the same time am enjoying God biggerly

  10. Oga Kingsley

    September 3, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Okay… Sometimes women deserve it you know, silent treatement is like a mans weapon for a woman esp those with lashing tongues! makes them appear stupid! definitelykingsley.com

    • Joan85

      September 3, 2013 at 2:50 pm

      Makes them appear stupid abi? Signs of abuse 101…mscshheewww

  11. Meandyou

    September 3, 2013 at 11:25 am

    I love this post.
    Silent treatment o….I communicate very well, I always want to talk through things so the silent treatment is like someone sticking a knife in my heart.
    I love what marilyn said, it should only be used if you do not care if the relationship survives or dies…
    I was talking to some guy for a while and all of a sudden he went silent on me…i reached out but he kept being evasive…then i went silent, now he wants to reach out….so no one wants to be treated silently…so why treat people that way then…I never understand it

  12. puke

    September 3, 2013 at 11:26 am

    the silent treatment is a vice sometimes depending on the sitiation and your relationship with the person u dishing out on. its bad when its being overused and sometime good for some particular situation.

  13. fifi

    September 3, 2013 at 11:26 am

    you don’t want to find yourself there. it is the highest form of emotional abuse. the best you can do is just move on with your life cos there are so many beautiful things to live for. i did that and i have no regrets.

    • Bee

      September 14, 2013 at 7:10 pm

      It is indeed an emotional abuse. I wish I had walk away when we were still dating. I assume It would have been a selfish decision just because he didn’t tell me his contract his ending or talking about his finances . He want our argument to vanish without discussing them. I have tried on several occasion to talk to him and ask questions, but is still the same old story, and not talking in the house sometimes for up to 5 months is having a bad effect on me. His mum said is because he is a quiet person and I’ve been branded the stubborn one.

  14. Bibie

    September 3, 2013 at 11:29 am

    Problem statement: Only yesterday my new fiance did this to me and yes, I did hurt his feelings unintentionally on my part.
    More problems: I switched off my fones and dint want to hear from him
    Solution: Thank GOD for Jesus, I put them on again (quite unlike me) and told him I tot we were too grown to mete out the “silent treatment” on each other
    Success story: He spoke his mind, i apologized and so did he, then we kissed and made up
    MOrale: Talk about it, cant you just picture the devil smiling when pride and ego shuts our mouths? When you are silent make sure your intent is pure and not to inflict emotional torture. It should be to construct ur words carefully, express ur feelings while considering those of the other and most of all, it should be for a very very short time(preferably minutes that’s why GOD gave us a multi-taskable brain!).

    • Jamce

      September 6, 2013 at 12:16 am

      @Bibie, your are very correct… Good reasoning. We should stop looking at things from only one perspective and draw conclusions of whether a particular behaviour is wrong or right. The totality of the circumstances should be considered.

  15. bliss

    September 3, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Sumtyms we rily dnt wnt 2gv out d silent treatment buh how du we tell dem face 2face,it hurts even more dat way.I ended my 3yrs rlatnshp with my bf,I wish I cud hv told him y I kald it off buh d silent trtmnt works beta,dt way d hurt’s reduced.I still luv him dou buh he has 2go.

    • Bleed blue

      September 3, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      Oh dear Lord! This comment though!

    • Wizzy

      September 3, 2013 at 9:04 pm

      As in!!!!!!

    • Ekwitosi

      September 4, 2013 at 9:03 pm

      Same here @Bleed Blue omg!!!!

    • 015

      November 13, 2013 at 9:21 pm

      you’re wrong.. it hurts the most! You were just too chicken to tell him face to face so that it could have ended once and for all! It was a better way to end things for you, but maybe not for him.. ever thought about that!!! Shows how naive people can be!

    • sticx

      October 16, 2014 at 6:51 pm

      u don’t love him please

  16. Bibie

    September 3, 2013 at 11:36 am

    #singing Adaku’s silent treatment

  17. naana

    September 3, 2013 at 11:40 am

    with this treatment, you don’t even know where you go wrong, in short you’ll never know in order to change incase there is.
    u make hundreds of fon calls-no response
    send texts and mails- no reply
    track him on social network- either u are ignored or blocked.
    haba, how long will i cry and wait for response whiles he’s out there enjoying his life.
    MOVE ON AND COUNT IT AS A GOOD RADIANCE….
    life is too sweet and full of surprises to be enjoyed and to serve as a learning ground than to be wasted by someone who’ll know ur worth after he let go.

  18. tomi

    September 3, 2013 at 11:45 am

    tRomantic relationships aside, there are some people that only learn through silent treeatment. For eg, I have a friend, if she has done sumtin not nice and u tell her (gently), she’ll keep malice for a wk, in dt case wt other choice do I have than the silent treeatment.m. Another one never agrees she’s wrong, she can argue till Jesus comes, so once she’s messed up now, I jst give her the silent treatment. After a while, we’ll get over it. I’m sorry, I can’t be friends with u if u can’t listen to the truth from me. I no sabi butter bread mk e turn cake

  19. ebony

    September 3, 2013 at 11:56 am

    u go silent on me, i stop talking to u too. shikena..

    • 3faya

      September 8, 2013 at 11:03 am

      #word @Ebony

  20. I_I

    September 3, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    I dont care much for manipulation but some times when wronged, I feel the deed has been done and no amount of talking and going back and forth can change what has happened. I’m the sorta fella who thinks through every event and processes every detail up-stairs – if I think “fuck this” – it comes off as silent treatment, mean-while, it is just me trying to put a potentially destructive person at arm’s lenght.

  21. YrBoi

    September 3, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    I have this girl that used to disturb me with calls and Sms and immediately I gave my heart to her she started misbehaving and she hardly check up on me now. Is that part of silent treatment? Lol!

    • NaijaBiz

      September 3, 2013 at 1:45 pm

      Yep she has lost interest

    • diamond

      September 3, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      Or maybe she got tired of checking up on you without it been reciprocated.

    • YrBoi

      September 3, 2013 at 5:02 pm

      I feel she’s paying me for playing with her when she was madly in love with me. I will ditch her sha.

  22. Sally

    September 3, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    4 me,i use d silent treatment alot when am angry till ma anger dies down cos i believe if u dnt av nytin nice 2 say,its beta u dnt talk @all

  23. Thatgidigirl

    September 3, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    Using silent treatment in a relationship is a sign of weakness and emotional immaturity. I believe ppl that use it have some underlying psychological problems and sadist tendencies, and above all are very unhappy people.

    1
    • TA

      September 3, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      1 million likes!

    • BIG BOY

      September 3, 2013 at 3:09 pm

      u just hit da nail on the head..thats so trueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      September 3, 2013 at 4:04 pm

      I dont really agree. Some people cannot handle confrontations well, so most times its easier to communicate to them with silent treatment for a while then reason with them thereafter, if you try to reason with them when their deeds are still fresh, na war. but if u keep quiet and they seek u out to know what the problem, is be rest assured that the ‘talk’ will be smooth. So not all the people who use silent treatment are emotionally disturbed, for some its effective on whom they are in the relationship with. And yes I use silent treatment a times cos shouting and arguing back and forth is not really my thing. It has also been used on me and i got the message fast. Although I dont subscribe to it as a means of ending a relationship but as a means of correction.

    • marian

      September 4, 2013 at 3:48 pm

      2million likes…

    • Ok o

      September 9, 2013 at 4:48 am

      Like multiply by millions

    • Addicted diva

      September 24, 2013 at 11:45 am

      Yes you r right……

  24. Dolapo

    September 3, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    “Imagine being in a relationship or talking with someone exclusively for some time and all of a sudden no goodbyes, no words…” This happened to me late last year. Someone I had known for over 3 years walked out on me without a word. When I sought closure after a month, all I got was a song. Like this person summed up our over 3 years in a very disgusting song by Gotye. Now I don’t know how I feel about being exclusive again. I feel one day, when I’m totally lost in love, I will be left alone.

    Silent treatment on the other hand is a blessing and a curse. But I’m not one to give anyone I care about silent treatment. I feel whatever needs to be talked about should be talked about. Life is too short to leave someone taking wild guesses & seeking validation in the right/wrong places.

    • sisieko

      September 3, 2013 at 10:09 pm

      Omg!A song?that must have hurt real bad .pele dear

    • Oh wow

      September 5, 2013 at 9:13 pm

      I’m guessing the song was “Somebody that I used to know”. Oh wow. Sorry

    • Dolapo

      September 6, 2013 at 7:51 pm

      LOL. Yes.

  25. Berry Dakara

    September 3, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    I do it sometimes because I’d rather be on my own and withdraw into myself than say something mean that I’ll regret.

    berrydakara.blogspot.com

    • TA

      September 3, 2013 at 1:04 pm

      @ Berry Dakara,instead of the silent treatment try saying ‘Pls,i do not want to talk about so and so,lest i say something that i will regret later or that may hurt us both,could we talk about this when i feel up to it? That way,you have communicated and it gives you time to sort your feelings and come up with choice words that wont be hurtful to anyone.
      Deferring the conversation or comment to a more convenient time,gives all parties time to cool off,way better than the silent treatment.

    • Happy Girl

      September 3, 2013 at 2:06 pm

      Very well said. It’s all about effective communication and managing people’s expectations well. Just think. Would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot? Truth is, people who act this way don’t like it when it happens to them – for any reason.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      September 3, 2013 at 4:10 pm

      You try that with someone i know he will say “so why did u complain about it at all when u dont want to talk about it? Why did u bring it up. And believe me if u re really pissed off u are sure to flare. So to avoid it just kukuma keep quiet. Dont talk about anything in that way u ve communicated effectively that u re pissed. When both parties cool off. the ‘talk’ will begin.

    • Berry Dakara

      September 3, 2013 at 4:14 pm

      Good point!

      It’s a lesson I’m trying to incorporate into my life.

  26. krikumkrakum

    September 3, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    i used to date a guy that would simply go blank on me for no reason at all.i would ping and he would ignore after reading,i would call and he would simply ignore my calls as well.
    when i got tired of trying to get his attention i just stay away; next thing bro calls and accuses me of shenking him duh!!!!who does that?
    He sees me only when he feel like and when i complain he says he is a busy man and he expects me to understand dat and if i cant cope den he doesnt thnk he needs ppl like me around him since i cant see his vision*kiddie vision 101*lol.
    omo mehn,i simply applied d silent treatment on him now bro is begging like am d only woman on earth and guess what?I HAVE MOVED ON. life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • dizzydizzy

      December 4, 2013 at 1:30 pm

      big ups gal….i like ur spirit. wish everi gal will learn from this

  27. kay

    September 3, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    i love thatgidigirls post! soo onpoint. wen im not happy with my boo and he pings me i just use the *i am not talking to you* emoticon. after a while i let him know what he has done wrong; he argues about it which pisses me off the more.. but he keeps pinging. so even wen i try the silent treatment it wont work.
    i dont like silent treatment. it hurts not knowing what you did wrong or why someone just suddenly changed.. everyone deserves a form of closure

  28. BIG BOY

    September 3, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    Very good topic, known this girl for a while both really interested in each other but she’s always using the silent treatment let me say it this way she pulls away ( fearful of the connection she has with me) i know this for a fact always hot and cold , but the funny thing is that right now shes pulled away and i just cant be bothered. in the past shes done it and i’ve always given her a chance not that i’m desperate to get with her its just my good nature with life generally, but i’ve come to that conclusion now that its either she gets back and give the connection a chance or its no no and i’m fine because i am confident and nice and any lady would and as a matter of fact some ladies cant wait to be my MRS.

    The one thing i noticed or should i say i deduce from her behaviour is that she’s had this done to her in previous relationship and also she’s grown up not having enough love from her family so she gets scared and fearful because of the depth of feelings and love we have for each other and in trying to protect herself consciously or subconsciously she feels she needs to do this to feel safe .I also know she regrets and still regreting her actions and she’s come to realize that i’m not in anyway going or trying to reach out to her and she feels angry and mad at herself.

    • Goodluck

      September 3, 2013 at 2:27 pm

      if u can’t be bothered then u don’t deserve her cus if you really do u just ve to prove it to her if u really a Man ……..or go after the ones that are ready to be ur Mrs , the most annoying thing is dat u can c her reasons and u knw she likes u bcus of ur Ego u can’t be bothered really?

    • BIG BOY

      September 3, 2013 at 4:34 pm

      Goodluck wish u could understand me , she’s comes forward and run backwards , been going on for years now it isn’t about my EGO i guess sometimes we just have to do whats best for us.if u were in my shoes u would have cussed her and probably shot her kidding!!!but in spite of all this all i have for her in my HEART is love and i wish her

    • Nicole

      September 3, 2013 at 3:50 pm

      “I am confident and nice and any lady would and as a matter of fact some ladies cant wait to be my MRS”
      You are a dreamer!!!!!…..LMDAO

    • BIG BOY

      September 3, 2013 at 4:37 pm

      Nicole am not a BIG HEADED boy who thinks too much of their self, but trust me girl if u saw me you would do everything to get my attention and if u were married u would think of me whilst ur hubby is making love to you.SEFINI

    • Yve

      September 3, 2013 at 5:10 pm

      Oga big boy, you even know her problem and ‘can’t be bothered’. I advice you to move on to the ones who ‘can’t wait to be your MRS’ because quite frankly she deserves better. ASS!

    • BIG BOY

      September 3, 2013 at 5:36 pm

      isn’t true we all deserve better? yve am damn sure with wat i said earlier on if i was ur BRO u would say to me i deserve better.SHIKENA

    • bella dama

      September 10, 2013 at 5:25 pm

      lool…do i sense some pride in this?….this dude is really feeling fly! no wonder the babe feels soo insecured n gets withdrawn! n eventually u confirmed her fears! smh

    • 015

      November 14, 2013 at 10:15 am

      Same thing happened to me.. loved her a little too much though. But now just don’t give a damn because she’s just way too immature!

  29. Evagreen

    September 3, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    I’m in the middle of one presently…ok I repent

  30. anon

    September 3, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    My Dad thought me silent treatment. I personally only use it for a long stretch of time when i don’t want to talk to someone again and the reason why might not do great things for there esteem.

  31. laura

    September 3, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    I have had to deal with this for 9yrs….on the receiving end, that is.Its hell but thankfully&hopefully am saying a big HELL TO THE NO this year.Is it a type of abuse? Definitely so.Lookin to God for the healing.

  32. Ikwikwi

    September 3, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    Hmmm u shld written this several weeks ago when my pain was fresh!!! It’s d first time it had ever happened to me and booooyyyy, was is a rude ass shocker!!! This statement—
    ‘Imagine being in a relationship or talking with someone exclusively for some time and all of a sudden no goodbyes, no words…They just vanished into thin air. How do you even begin to comprehend it? How do you get closure? There is mystery in silence, as it could mean a thousand and one things.’—– this described my situation to a T!

    At the end of the day I focused on reminding myself that even after my Father’s death(my worst experience till date) I lived on, SURELY I would overcome this rejection too…and I DID! I turned my attention to the good things I had- God, family and friends, work… and with each day it got better though it was with some bad days in between. I’ve forgiven him, not awaiting any explanatn/apology cos I know I didn’t do anything that couldn’t have been said-conscience clear. My instinct strongly tells me he’ll be back-I wish him luck wit that.

    • Chinco-eyelets

      September 3, 2013 at 3:50 pm

      Dude! This was me this year oh! One month, I was the only one reaching out. Following month, he went MI to the effing A! That was my first experience. I wanted to die! It hurt like…can’t describe the pain. He came back to apologize. I broke up with him a couple weeks after. Dude was forming surprise. It still hurts sha o! Somebody I was in a relationship with for about a year, someone I talked to every day! choi! e dey pain. I’m getting over it and I’d rather be single than be treated that way again!

    • Juba

      September 4, 2013 at 4:55 am

      These are characteristics of serial monogamists. Men NEVER. Need time alone. They are either with you or it’s someone else. When you catch such men, their defense is ” I didn’t cheat on you, it’s not like we were talking when I hooked up with the other chic” . Men like that find a way to instigate drama, get u upset, ehen u get upset, then they make you feel you have no right to be angry, hang up and block you, so they can be given time and space to wander the ‘ bushes’ . When they are bored again, they sow p n ur life…sounds familiar ehn ?

  33. Ikwikwi

    September 3, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Much as I don’t wish it on any sane person, its quite consoling that it isn’t a problem exclusive to me… @ d time it felt like I’d offended d world n was gettin paid back.

  34. billionaire in grace

    September 3, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    I like naana comments….u got the pint girl

  35. Joan85

    September 3, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    Happened to me once. The guy just vanished, stopped calling or texting. It hurt but I finally let it go and permanently closed his chapter biko. Fast forward four months later when I’m in a relationship with the most amazing man, the maga comes back to ask if we can hang out. Mscheewww…

  36. naana

    September 3, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    yeeeaaaaaahhh

  37. Cherrie_J

    September 3, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    I use it a lot. Once I’m offended, I cut you off. Especially for someone I’m dating. It’s even better for you When I switch off my phone, Cos that way you can still justify that Maybe my battery is dead or I’m just not reachable to everyone. I hardly switch off my phone, no, I leave it on and screen my calls. You misbehave and you’re expecting me to take your calls? Nothing to talk about abeg. I recorded 87 missed calls once, probably the highest, anyway that was before I discovered the call blocker app, now it’s just the busy tone till eternity.
    I hardly give the silent treatment, but When I do I’m done. Funny thing is it doesn’t bother me When I’m on the receiving end, I’ve as always liked my space.

    • Bleed blue

      September 3, 2013 at 4:23 pm

      Call blocker app ke?

      Wetin man no go see for this digital age

      #TeamChangeForTheBetter

    • Keyser

      September 3, 2013 at 10:28 pm

      Cherrie, Do you typically get back with people you treat
      this way? and how long does your silent treatment last
      for?

    • 015

      November 14, 2013 at 10:24 am

      Self-Centered!!!

  38. Ib

    September 3, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    Hmmmm…I have taken it upon myself to embark on a silent treatment journey in my present “relationship”. Why do people think they can only do things on their own terms and IGNORE other people until whenever they feel like?As if one has nothing else to do but wait on them hand and foot….Silent treatment is very immature but i say YES in this one#weaboutthatlife

  39. jcsgrl

    September 3, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    If I’m still talking to you and reaching out, know that I still care. But when I keep silent, know that I’ve officially stopped caring and have nothing good to give. Bad behavior? Good? Still trying to figure it out…

  40. SaytheTruth

    September 3, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Okay i’m done it. But mostly when i don’t know how to communicate with the person. You think to say something and the thought of the discussion just exhausts you. When i’m that point i keep to myself and avoid talking to the person

    • 015

      November 14, 2013 at 10:29 am

      Immaturity!!! if you can’t talk to the person. Tell them to give you some time.. if they’re being nice to you of-course. Otherwise.. keep it on. But if they are being nice and you just ignore them as if they don’t exist at all, then shame on you!

  41. Moi

    September 3, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    I’m presently a victim of silent treatment and it hurts like hell…….i dont do it to people, so i don’t even know what to do right now…..but one thing i know is that it hurts so bad!!!
    He was my friend, bro, lover and everything u can think of……he messed up, i couldn’t get past it easily and told him to give me some time to digest it all (I just wanted to be sure i had forgiven him so that we could forge ahead with no further grudges/baggage) but when i was ready to get back together, he had started seeing some ‘other people’. now he doesnt even talk to me, i’ve called, sent texts, i even just finished composing a 5-page email (which i felt very silly about doing), i know he isnt gonna reply. i guess i should just get used to life without him??? That is sooo sooo hard, but what else can i do….the obvious abi?
    Shi hurts like hell

    • Ekwitosi

      September 4, 2013 at 9:21 pm

      @Moi don’t you think it’s better now than later?

  42. Sunshine

    September 3, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    The silent treatment was my weapon of choice when i was much younger, and in my childish mind i felt powerful, until the time i tried it with a male colleague at work, who made a complete fool of me at an office meeting, telling everyone including my boss at the time how great life had been since i stopped talking to him. Now i realise that silence is a last resort to be used when all other forms of communication fails, and not some ‘weapon’ you use to hurt people.

  43. x factor

    September 3, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    Guilty as charged, I repent…

  44. Naveah

    September 3, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    People who use silent treatment are either 1. passive aggressive people who don’t have the cojones to say what is on their mind or 2. control freaks who want to manipulate and control the relationship so when they don’t get their way they use the silent treatment to force the other person’s hand. Ultimately, it is a very JUVENILE response to have in an adult relationship.

    I look at it this way, there are times wey God wan comot person for your life and if for no reason they decide sey dem no wan involve for your life then abeg, Thank BABA GOD and keep it trucking. Yes, it is a pain the derriere wondering what you did, or said or didn’t do or say but my thing is this LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT whether the love in in a platonic, familal or erotic relationship. And love should not be manipulative. If you love me, correct me so I know better about whatever I did to offend you or give me an opportunity to offer you something you may need like a little space. To use silent treatment is devaluing a person and not cool at all.

    I had an ex do that to me and come back but I shut that ish down. Nope! You want silence, you just bought enough to last a life time. I have a cousin who is currently doing the same thing to everyone in the family, I took her off my BBM, told her off in email and if she didn’t get that, I made sure I sent it to her on TEXT and FB and now, she’s dead to me.

    I believe in treating people the way I want to be treated. Love is a two way street as is communication. You no wan tok, your voice no dey save my life.

    I deal with the pain and then I get set on my way to cutting the silent treatment giver out of my life. I only want people in my life who value my contribution to their lives, full stop no comma necessary.

  45. EfKay

    September 3, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    Hmmm….how did I deal with it? I went to his office and demanded an explanation. That was the end of the ‘relationship’ but also the end of the emotional and psychological torture. All that was left was a deep sense of loss, which is way better because I was finally able to move on…

  46. Keyser

    September 3, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    I think there are levels of silent treatment. For me, I am
    silent when something hurts me or I am sooo angry I don’t know what
    to say. If you call me, I’ll talk to you. I won’t reach out till I
    can talk about the problem objectively. This is typically a few hrs
    to maybe a week. I’ve had to cut toxic people off, at that point –
    there was nothing else to do but fade away. That I think is
    different to my partner that I talk to everyday not talking to me
    for no just reason. A guy I dated did that to me for a month. Just
    stopped reaching out. It hurt but I realize, the problem is with
    him. I will be OK. Pschew #skelewu

  47. D

    September 3, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    Agreed on a lot of points here. In my opinion, the silent
    treatment however way you slice is emotionally immature. It is
    either attention seeking/controlling or completely selfish. If you
    are angry and you would rather not talk/confront a person at that
    time, a simple “cannot talk to you right now” will suffice if you
    do sincerely intend to deal with the issue later. If you are using
    the silent treatment to get some attention or get what you want,
    though it may seem effective in the short term, it is way more
    effective to change/correct the undesired behaviour if you
    communicate verbally. Lastly, if you’ve decided that the person is
    no longer worth your time and you want out, a simple “I am done, I
    am cutting you off, it’s over, it’s not you it’s me” will suffice
    and if the other person insists on knowing why by all means tell
    them the truth and move on, you owe no one after that…all this
    I’d rather not hurt their feelings is not coming from an honest
    place ….as you do worse “hurting the other person” by cutting off
    via silent treatment. Some relationships have life cycles and all
    stages should be taken care of from the inception to the end. We
    shd all be considerate of each other’s feelings, treat a person how
    you want to be treated. Separation in any form should be handled
    well as it can have lasting effects on the recipient! By the way, I
    have had this happen to me twice, though quite painful, it left me
    with deep thoughts….

  48. Malika

    September 4, 2013 at 8:28 am

    OMG, i so love ths article!!silent treatment is extremely immature.Im currently going through one bt have decided to delete and block him everywhere coz he does ths all the time and i can nolonger tolerate him mxiiiuu

  49. ebundetan

    September 4, 2013 at 10:10 am

    Nice post. Very insightful comments as well.

  50. Tactful

    September 4, 2013 at 10:53 am

    What a good and topical article! Sadly, silent treatment doesn’t only happen in platonic and romantic relationships. It is very common at work and even in religious circles. Of recent, a pastor who was supposed to be my prayer partner during a severe trial I was going through, tried to use silent treatment as a way to manipulate me to conform to his views. I am the type that checks for scriptural backing for everything I am told but he seemed to think that he was under ‘higher level of grace’ and that I was supposed to be ‘under his covering’. After the silent treatment started of course the prayers ended. I thanked my God for revealing that the person volunteering to be a prayer partner needed more deliverance than myself kpa-kpa. I got closure by asking God to judge. The day after I did so, this pastor quickly returned begging for forgiveness. I have forgiven but still thinks that he needs deliverance and will be watching from a distance. I pity his congregation as I’m sure he preaches love and forgiveness to them every Sunday. SMH.

    • Jamce

      September 6, 2013 at 5:47 am

      @Tactful, ” I am the type that checks for scriptural backing for everything I am told …” God bless you. That is how it should be so that so-called men of God don’t manipulate us. More grace to you as you continue to search, study and seek understanding the Scriptures for yourself.

  51. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    September 4, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    If you have ever been in a parasitic relationship you would understand why going cold dead on the other person may be your only way out. For the sake of my sanity, I had to cut off all associations from the person in question. it was not borne out of malice. It became the basic question of survival: him or me and of course I chose yours dearest!

  52. hehe

    September 4, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    reading all of this just makes me laugh. this was me last year. i never knew this thing was this rampant. i do not like confrontations but i do not give people the silent treatment for ever. i take a day or so to think about what i want to do and say and then i say it. my own silent treatment issue was with a guy who i thought was the one cause he had everything i wanted. im rather picky. anyways everything was going well. guy calls, texts everything and then all of a sudden he disappears.
    i wanted to die. i was trying to think of what i could have done wrong. if i came off too cheap or too dull or whatsoever. this was the first guy that i really felt we had a connection. anyways after a few months dude texts me that he’s been looking for me and gives me one dead story. im like cool but in my mind even doe i wasnt over him i had made up my mind that i wasnt interested anymore (i cant be with someone who thinks they can treat me like that). now dude is going after a friend of mine(this friend knows all that i went thru with him o), of which i heard that dude may be gay or bi so im not saying anything to her or him. if he is na for her pocket if he isnt na for her pocket.
    God is sending me my own real man.

    Moral: if a guy pulls that kind of stunt on u. forget his ass. u arent the problem. the dude either has commitment issues or has some other issue. the main thing is the guy isnt the one for u. cause no one who loves u would treat u like that. its as simple as that.

    • Noola

      September 5, 2013 at 12:18 am

      Loll.i know you and the alleged gay guy.lollll the dude always goes MIA

  53. hello

    September 4, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    I HATE PEOPLE WHO GIVE PEOPLE SILENT TREATMENT. they deserve to go to hell… whether the person is wrong or not. if u cant confront the person then write a note and if the person doesnt accept ur views on things then u can leave the person, that way he or she knows what the real issue is. dont do unto others what u cant take

  54. Anonymous

    September 4, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    Can you imagine getting the silent treatment from your husband for a whole week, I mean total and complete silence, which he does from time to time, and you’re wondering what is going on only for him to expect you to perform your “wifely duty” without no explanations? And when you ask what has been going on in the past week he says he doesn’t want to talk about it. Idiot!!!!

    • nala

      September 4, 2013 at 8:26 pm

      mine is going on two wks now n there is no end in sight. im
      ready to walk out of the marrriage, im done. finished. it just aint
      worth it, i deserve better

    • Yabadabadoo

      September 5, 2013 at 1:12 am

      Hi, Sorry but when you say “wifely duty”, does this mean
      sex?

  55. cherry

    September 4, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    the last time i had this treatment i replied the same way for sometime then i couldnt deal with it anymore so i called of the relationship and he came begging…..sometimes they just feel u cant handle it and will break down and cry

  56. Pretty smile

    September 4, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    I used to be Queen of silent treatment.Master of the game!i was unbeatable.lool.guess what?my boyfriend thought me.He used to shut down once we have a very serious argument.no word from him.It hurt do bad,I decided to give him a taste of his medicine.Then he got the message,I liked the results,I forgot to stop.Recently,I have learnt that love communicates….if u love someone talk to them,share ur hurts and frustration.better spoken than not.i feel us becoming closer.silent treatment is saying,I’m more important than us.it should never be so.im so glad I learnt before I ruined this beautiful man The Lord has given me.

    • MaryMary

      September 6, 2013 at 4:26 pm

      thank you pretty smile! makes sense

  57. Sammy

    September 4, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    Very interesting topic U’ve got. I was a victim of this.
    Then I decided to reciprocate the silence. For the little moments
    we kept away from each, I kept quiet because God gives me this
    kinda swag I can’t explain. After a while, he started chatting me
    up again but I’d gotten a Job and had to work hard to keep it. He
    visited my house and my Daddy told him I’d moved to Port Harcourt
    to resume work and didn’t know when I’ll be back. Right now he
    calls many times and I pick only once with a sleepy head not
    because I want to make him pay, but guys I’m tired of him and his
    silence. Lol.

  58. Lizzie

    September 5, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    So it isn’t a rare occurrence after all? Thank goodness…

  59. hope

    September 5, 2013 at 9:57 pm

    what if the silent are from your siblings?

    • slice

      September 8, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      what did you do to them? abi do you ask them for money a lot

    • hot mama

      September 8, 2013 at 7:14 pm

      rotflmao…..*dead* @ask them for money alot

  60. hope

    September 5, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    what if the silent treatment are from your siblings?

  61. Tele

    September 5, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    Babe, no vex o, but I think you’re twisted! In fact, you’re just like my current girlfriend (?) in some way. Can you imagine that she traveled back home for a week n stopped picking my calls just like that?! Then after I fell ill n finally got thru to her some days after, she spun this funny story about being busy etc etc.. You women are just funny sometimes..
    Personally, I hate the silent treatment thing cus it really gets to me – the only ‘good’ thing about that is it makes it easier for me to stop loving you till one day I can confidently kick you outta my life! *my two kobo*

  62. Hmmmmm

    September 7, 2013 at 3:46 am

    @BIG BOY
    Are your initials S.O. ?

    • slice

      September 8, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      No. M.C.

      I’m kidding. i don’t know who it is

  63. Baby girl c

    September 7, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    My fiancé has been giving me the silent treatment for a month! His family claims they don’t know where he is and don’t know of his where about! We were set to get married October but now all lost! He told his aunt I hurt him bad and I should search my heart and till now I can’t tell wat I have done! I also heard he has been around the block asking questions about me and if he should marry me! Is that right?

    • slice

      September 8, 2013 at 3:25 pm

      If this is the case, then i’m really sorry you’re going thru this. i know how you must feel giving that wedding plans are already in full gear at this point. Why not text him and also tell his aunt to tell him you have no idea what he’s mad about and he can call and at least let you know so you can explain things to him. if you haven’t already, you should definitely tell your parents what’s going on so they can reach out to his family and demand an answer. if he won’t answer you, surely he’ll answer them. If still nothing, let his family know you’ll go ahead and call off the wedding. At this point, the pressure of everyone asking about plans must be driving you crazy when your groom is MIA. let go of that pressure by letting go of the wedding

    • Baby girl c

      September 8, 2013 at 5:27 pm

      Baby girl c September 8, 2013 at 5:10 PM
      No one knows where he is! But friends of ours have seen him around! I have sent emails and messages but he has blocked me everywhere! My mom has called the family and they have no idea where he is! I have finally let go and let God

    • slice

      September 8, 2013 at 8:51 pm

      time to move jare. if someone doesn’t have enough respect to at least let me know why they are mad and give me a chance to explain, then the person is not worth it. cry small, then wear your fine dress and go find another man. life is too short abeg

    • Oluwabusola Adedire

      September 8, 2013 at 11:31 pm

      Hi hun, sorry you have to experience this… especially when it’s few months away from your wedding. But, you can choose to look at the positive side.. You dodged a bullet! At this point, no matter what his excuse is.. it is UNACCEPTABLE at different levels. I pray you get a love that you deserve *HUGS*

  64. Dee_deeY

    September 8, 2013 at 4:25 am

    The silent treatment happens between friends too. I usually have a very high threshold for the drama cloud a friend of mine inhabits but lately, with the pressure at work, I honestly don’t need that mess! Imagine me risking my life (almost fell asleep while driving), only to now get her bull! I sharply turned around and have not spoken to her since, thing is she didn’t even buzz me. Another friend asked me to chill that it goes with the territory when it comes to her but I just don’t care. Sad thing is, when I block someone out-it’s final. Friendship no be by force, I have my own issues too!

  65. Browngyrl

    September 8, 2013 at 4:42 am

    I have been on the receiving end of silent treatment. I had been dating a guy for about 4 months. we were basically in contact all day. there were times when my phone died or i could not respond to his messages. By the time i would get around to the messages, he would have blown up my phone with calls and messages which I had to address. Then suddenly he disappeared, I mean we were chatting all day one day and the next day nothing. I tried for a 2 days to reach him but nothing. After that, I just cut my losses and decided to move on, closed the chapter. Six months later, he buzzed saying he was ready to explain, I simply told him that i was the point of what difference does it make? He has been forgiven but I don’t care for what he has to say? He then launched into hysterics about me assuming he does not care..I just replied saying he does not care about me but he needs to keep it moving and I wish him well. Till today I don’t why he did it, but more importantly I don’t care. Giving myself closure, best decision!

  66. Baby girl c

    September 8, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    No one knows where he is! But friends of ours have seen him around! I have sent emails and messages but he has blocked me everywhere! My mom has called the family and they have no idea where he is! I have finally let go and let God

  67. itsjustdwaylifeis

    September 15, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Interesting responses to an interesting topic. Often silent treatment is a response to an action or a situation where by the silent party is either frustrated (maybe had tried talking and got no results) or is not sure what to say (I do that rather than say nasty words) or is just plain mean. But I rather have that than hateful words or violence any day. Ladies, if a guys does that to you, ask urself why. I think deep down most women know the true answers especially if it’s someone you are very close to. I don”t buy all the bs about not knowing the trutg. Happens only in rare circumstances. As for guys and “big boy” women are usually open to talking. You must be doing something mean fo d lady to react that way. Besides it baffles me when a man cannot take a stand to work out issues in his relationship as d head. Men of nowadays!!!!!!. You should be able to discuss her ” problem behaviour” if u truly love her and want what is best for both of you. Lastly @ baby girl, calm down. There is no smoke without fire. For ur fiance and his family to react that way, maybe someone has told him damaging stories about you.

  68. megamind

    September 17, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    wowza!!! this post is sooo on point and couldnt be more timely… the comments too…totally informative…anyhoos…previously i was the master of the silent treatment game…i owned that ish….until my bf pulled the stunt on me…for reasons best known to him…the dude just went mute…ignoring calls, sms and pings…i tried to reach out to him all to no avail…woh by the the 3rd day…i really couldnt be bothered…i have a low threshold for bullshit…so as it is…if he embrains (chooses to borrow small brain)…good for him…if not…good for me…i told the nigger…since he has chosen to be mute…im going out of towm for a bit by the time i get back if nothing changes…we will seek a more permanent resolution to this bull crap…(by that i mean we count out losses and get a stepping!) i honestly cant kill myself…especially not ontop a guy…its really not that serious abeg…*uninterested face*

  69. Bama

    September 17, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    looool…oh my days!!!! @ megamind…i think we know the culprit…hahahahahahahaha…but on a real though…i think anybody that pulls this silent treatment move has some form of personality disorder…really its not a joke…its just plain silly…why will grown ass people choose to act sooo immature and unfair especially to the people they claim they care about? doesnt add up as normal behavior- to me sha…if my boyfriend attempts this rubbish with me…he will just come to the shameful realisation he was silent treating himself cos i will sooo drop the drama king and move on…without any warning or discussion…no time for arrant nonsense!

  70. Anna

    September 19, 2013 at 7:32 am

    Is it silent treatment if I still answer his questions? I just don’t sit next to him on the couch anymore or cuddle in bed and I’m not as affectionate either. I really do want to do all these things as I’m a loving, outspoken person but lately I just don’t feel he deserves it. I’m re-evaluating us. I think I’ve spoiled him, given too much. And when I’ve tried to discuss my concerns it turns into arguments or he tells me I’m too sensitive or I am crazy. So why speak if it doesn’t work? He actually says, “I don’t like to talk alot”. After a few minutes he zones me out and starts changing channels. So do I really have a disorder or am I am abusive person if I am trying to feel numb because its better than giving love and doting on someone who does not fulfill a woman’s desires and needs? Maybe it is not silent treatment, maybe I am just feeling tired. Don’t want to be disappointed again. And just need a break from trying so hard.

  71. Sophie

    September 19, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    I have no time for ‘Silent Treatment drama Kings’. I can be very self absorbed sometimes when i really mean to so If any guys goes ‘silent’ on me, I will go silent on him too. In the end, he will see that he is just been silent on himself alone and will get tired. Ive got a thick skin to issues such as these. Couldnt careless. People think im crazy but i hate stress of any kind and i love to occcupy my mind and time with things worthy. I just love my Non-chalant self.

  72. Forest

    September 21, 2013 at 5:47 am

    Communication is the key. Whether with your spouse, your friends, family , work colleagues and any other inportant individual in your life. The silent treatment never works. It’s either you talk or you write how you feel. Bottling it up causes extreme heartache. Confrontation is also a strong suit. If peradventure you have friends that don’t like responding to instant msgs, keep bombarding them with it. If you don’t get the response you desire, let them be and turn to God-the author and finisher of your life. You can’t keep seeming like a wannabe desperado. Take charge.

  73. Lani

    October 1, 2013 at 11:34 pm

    I am presently dealing with this. My bf was always giving
    silent treatment, refuse to pick calls and reply messages for
    almost a whole day… Then he calls back ready to talk after I am
    frustrated and angry. Told him several times how i feel so down
    when he does that… fell on deaf ears. He just tried that with me
    again yesterday morning. I just kept quiet and right now, he’s been
    calling for over 24 hours… Guess who isn’t picking? Me!!! It’s
    time I give him a dose of his medicine. Some times u have to deal
    with people the same way they deal with you. .. Just so they
    understand how it feels. 24hours and counting…

  74. chic

    October 7, 2013 at 8:55 am

    i am presently a victim of silent treatment,it hurts like hell.but as the day goes by am getting stronger and picking up my life with the help of family n loved ones .

  75. HOPE

    November 16, 2013 at 3:51 am

    the best treatment for silent treatment is to ignore.go on and live and enjoy urself.make those giving the silent treatment know that your life does not revolve around them.
    it works.it makes them feel like fools.

  76. freeat last

    November 20, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    Wow, thanks Hope. This is what I am going to do from now on. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Been calling her for last 4 days now and she will not pick up. Text her. And she wont respond to my text. All to try to aplogize and ask her to forgive. And she is acting like a chold. I declare, never again. Sometimes, you have to show disdainment to get what you want in life. NEVER AGAIN will I call her. I tried to be there for her. She is separated from her husband. I tried to be her friend and give her some advice. And she couldn’t handle the truth. And she blocked my number. NEVER will I call her. I’m piss. I feel like I lost my self resepct these last few days taking the higher road to forgive me. That we have knowen each other. But, I’ve had it. Enough is enough. She will get a taste of her own mediciine. I promise. Never.

  77. TT

    November 23, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    I am in this situation too right now – going on week 4!!! No communication except from a few texts, where he explained he needed time to sort himself out, since he is suffering from alot of personal issues. Apparently a disagreement between us resulted in this to start. He said, he feels for me but right now can’t handle his feelings for me and himself too right now. He needs time to think and be alone (he is so much a loner and suffers from depression or something similar – I am not sure), and will call me, when HE is ok! However, this is very painful, but never blame yourself. And people who say that you should just leave or run away… It’s much harder done than said, if you truly love somebody. I miss my guy to pieces, but I can’t do anything about his ST on me. I am forced to wait for the outcome, cause nothing, IMO, can be solved without any communication. Even if you decide to move on, you can’t before you’ve had a conversation about what happened and why it happened!
    ST abusers are the ones suffering the most, cause in most cases they will never be able to maintain a relationship. To the victims of this: Just be proud of who you are and that your feelings, at least, are sincere towards the person you love. It’s ok to be knocked out, but not to be knocked down 🙂
    -T

  78. harey

    November 28, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    [email protected] big boy. i kinna get ur sentiments. i think i do dish out the silent traetemnet a little too much but its always after i fell i have expressed myself soo much and the other person isnt just getting it. i just clam up. whats the use in telling something they dont understand or having someone apologise constantly about something they do repeatedly. i rather just shut up, svae my breath and find something else to occupy me. : )

  79. Temi

    December 12, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    I read about someone whose friens/Partner gave her silent treatment and this is how she went about stopping such an evil act. Now they both communicate when they are upset.

    It might work for you too, good luck 🙂

    Then after a few years of dealing with this person (a mate) and I studied that individual closely to ascertain/figure him out. It dawned on me how to remove “silent treatment” from my life.

    The first thing you have to do is to immediately go into “automatic pilot” and stop caring about him speaking or not speaking to you and START focusing on yourself.

    Also introduce him to “gorilla warfare-type of attention grabbing conversation items”

    1. I started spending his money (normally I am a saver-when he stops speaking it initiates that very lavish spender that resides within )
    2. I started selling things out of the home that I knew he would miss
    3. I interrupted his daily routine (relocated his hygiene products and shaving/bath items as well as his underwear)

    I also did not do the above list in the order listed and I did not do them ALL TOGETHER – I also did it really QUIETLY WITHOUT SOUND or advance notice of any sort – and I would do them randomly and then go to the gym or the spa or visit friends for hours and hours and hours so that I am not seen or heard when he comes home and I MAKE SURE THAT I intentionally am not around as his frustrations peak as they usually peak whenever he cannot find this or that (he would arrange his personal items according to shape, size and color) – after a few times of not being able to find this or that – he immediately stopped the silent treatment and when he stopped and started speaking and asking me – “where is this and where is that and what I am doing and where am I going” – I decided on my own to extend his silent treatment routine FOR HIM – just because he wants to now stop doesn’t mean that I am going to stop from staying silent so “I continued to stay quiet until I was ready to talk”

    When I turned and flipped “his silent treatment” back on him – he stopped – but it took me some time to figure out how to rid my life of that nonsensical manner of his.

    If you have a problem with me – we need to discuss it – or I will make you join me in the “hell you create” in your attempts to control me. You will be my partner in that hell. Adults should learn to be adults or pay the consequences that comes from irrational behavior.

  80. Loving life

    January 19, 2014 at 11:14 pm

    lool.. Funny thing is 99% of the people claiming they have done nothing wrong are actually guilty of one thing or the other. There is indeed no smoke without fire! I dont do the silent treatment thing cos i dont have the heart for it,,lol.. And i thank God ahv never been forced to use it as the last resort. You know, the reason for most silent treatment is cos most people have egos bigger than the whole of Africa,, they are never wrong.. Even when they apologise they still argue about why they arent wrong nd why they shouldnt be apologising.. That kinda apology jes makes me more angry and irritated.. most people apologise without any iota of remorse.. Sometimes its not just about apologising,, show you are truly sorry.. Stop being on the defensive and stop playing the victim.. Avoid arguing as much as yu can,, yu can discuss the issue after a while in a polite way when yu are in that lovey dovey mode but avoid insisting that you are right.. Summary is BE SELFLESS! Avoid using unnecessary hurtful words, the self satisfaction it would give you for that minute is really not worth it,, it only does more harm than good,, if anything would not yield any positive result dump it! Try to THINK BEFORE YOU TAKE ACTIONS especially the ladies.. Put your relationship before yourself or your ego if your relationship is really important to you.. And then after you’ve done all this and nothing changes then give that bastard a taste of his own medicine,,lol..
    XoXo!

  81. Fola

    January 23, 2014 at 6:20 pm

    naturally im d quite type.and wen hurt, i try.to.communicate it to my bf..he ll apologise mayb not bcos he is remorseful bt still needs me in his life..bt its like after venting ur anger and both of u speak and trash issues for bout 1hr, jst give him som-lemme b nice-one month and he s bak at it agn..nd so sinc its a normal occurence wich as a mata of fact i tink im over wit, i jst dish d silent treatment.funniest part, he 75% knws y im quiet bt tries to turn a blind eye to it askin wat is wrong wit me…..smchw.God help me

  82. exhausted

    April 27, 2014 at 1:16 am

    I’ve dealt two years in this Pure Hell. I’m full of resentment at this point. They ruin Your life BecauseThey have communication issues. Nobody…nobody should be put through this. I want to leave Yet can’t believe he would rather beat you down then try to save marriage. Its so hard to grasp. Shame on these people. Stay alone instead of ruining other peoples lives. GROW UP. Because ofYOUR insecurities……..you wreck other people.

  83. oku

    May 4, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Sorry for crashing your blog. I am/was dating a Naija boy who I loved dearly. Unfortunately, he would use the silent treatment as punishment for who knows what. just out of the blue. unfortunately, this behaviour is something he learnt at an early age and was used to getting away with it. our relationship is now beyond being salvaged and he knows very well he has ruined it. I was never used to the silent treatment and unfortunately, I have to let him go. it saddens me but it is what it is

  84. kvalentine

    July 18, 2014 at 10:53 pm

    The silent treatment is sometimes warranted. If you don’t like engaging in arguments. It’s better to end it than to engage in hostile relationships. It’s okay to wonder what happened. it forces self-evaluation, the key to making yourself better.

  85. ere

    October 2, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    ST is nt funny @ all..d 4mer me wld hv bn beggin 4 a response bt nw,I cldnt b bothered.ST users are jst a bunch of spineless weaklings who r depressed

  86. Tiffany

    November 11, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    Wow. This is a good article. I’ve been there, on the receiving end. It felt like … heart broken. I had this experience with my ex. Every time we had a problem, I told him very logically so we could both solve it, but instead he went silent for months. No contact. And suddenly, he came back, I gave him a chance. But every time, history repeats itself. So I let him go, because he did the same silent treatment every time. I never got emotional or angry every time we had problem. But he never tried to solve it. Silent treatment there it was. All the time. And my learning, people like that…you can’t change, and just let them go. The only thing they can do is to hurt you more.

  87. Keke

    May 27, 2015 at 11:31 am

    Ok so i know I’m late on this but this is presently happening 2 me. If i don’t try 2 resolve issues in my rship then they’ll stay unresolved cos he is a silent treater. Should I be the one making the move to resolve issues all the time no matter who is hurt?

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