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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Mish Mash Moments

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Immediately the news of the South African interpreter broke out, I was convinced I had my banter topic on lock down. Thamsanqa Jantjie had provided something I was going to spin into something on Monday morning. {If for some reason you don’t know what I’m talking about, click here to catch up}

I watched an interview on CNN and when he was asked what exactly happened, the man said he was suffering from his own disability at that time. When asked what the disability was, the man said ‘schizophrenia’. With awe and shock, I was amazed at the sheer audacity of the guy. I mean, you’ve got to give him some form of credit. To pull off that kind of stunt with a world audience takes a certain measure of guts. Was it the first time he had had a ‘schizophrenic’ episode on the job? Was there any background check done before he was vetted as good enough to do this job. I imagined all the jokes that would have arisen if this was in Nigeria by a Nigerian. The possibilities were endless.

All week, as I thought of how I was going to present this interpreter matter, I watched as everyone around me was working themselves into a shopping frenzy about Christmas. My friend, Isabelle, looked absolutely frazzled talking about how she had left her shopping till last minute and she needed to get it done as time was running out. Lara didn’t get what she was complaining about. ‘Shopping is absolutely delightful. In fact, I find it quite therapeutic. Shopping takes my mind off things‘. I knew better than to add the caveat that was just on the tip of my tongue. ‘Only rich people say that‘.

There and then I thought, maybe I should write about shopaholics. The idea came in little bits. What makes a shopaholic tick? The need to shop? Is there a shopaholic genetic strain? As I watched my room fill up with the items my friend, Nengz had bought and had delivered to my house, I couldn’t shake the niggling feeling that it was definitely an issue that needed to be explored. Would a shopaholic still be a shopaholic if he/she was broke? Did shopaholics buy items more than clothes, shoes, belts & shoes? Did they shop around for assets as well? In my mind, this was a subject that I needed insight into.

The shopaholic pitch seemed more viable than my previous idea and as the week drew to an end, I was slowly building up the idea that I was going to work with. Then, I woke up on Saturday morning to an uproar on Nigerian Twitverse.

A notable Nigerian Twitter activist had been emotionally scammed. He’d fallen in love with someone behind a Twitter handle. Apparently, the ‘someone’ passed away and he wrote this really stirring eulogy on his blog. A few days later, he found out that ‘she’ didn’t actually exist. Twitter was a buzzing hub of ‘socio-emotional’ analysts. How did he fall in love with someone he’d never met? Did they never call each other? How come they never Skyped even though he said the falling in love moment was when she allowed him watch an important soccer match via her Skype. (Don’t ask me how that works… even I didn’t get it) And as the furor died down, I was left wondering… ‘Someone set up a Twitter handle specifically to mess with this guy?‘. Another thing that I extrapolated from the guy’s tweets on the matter was his emphasis on how he had been worshiped by this person.

Ah! I was going to write about it. I was going to end with asking if sometimes our ego or strain of narcissism gets in the way of letting common sense reign. Or was love really and truly blind? The possibilities seemed infinite.
Anyway, I decided to leave you guys with this… which of these completely and utterly unrelated issues should I have focused on this morning? Or should I have just followed my gut instinct and blabbed on about how I strongly believe the developers of Candy Crush are sadists?

Have a lovely week ahead guys… I smell the holidays in the air and even though I’m going to be working through the holiday, I’m hoping to live vicariously through you guys!

Be happy, stay safe and share your thoughts on any of the above listed subjects.

Peace, love & cupcakes.
Toodles!

Photo Credit: everythinggirlslove.com

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

29 Comments

  1. fashion Inspired

    December 16, 2013 at 10:10 am

    I love candy crush but the developers are just plain wicked…. Atoke I love your Monday banters but there are so many topics here that I don’t know which one to comment on.

  2. didi

    December 16, 2013 at 10:21 am

    There are sick, crazy people in this world. A friend
    recently told me, how a guy she was dating here in the UK gave her
    a fake name. They had been in a long distance relationship for 4
    months, babe spider senses started tingling when she found out some
    things didn’t add up. fake name, fake company he claimed to be
    working for.

  3. Vanessa

    December 16, 2013 at 10:22 am

    How exactly do you want us to comment? You have already
    discussed three topics here. Or you want to get three for the value
    of one? You should have focused on the Interpreter. We have heard a
    lot about internet love and shopping.

  4. Jo!

    December 16, 2013 at 10:22 am

    Atoke. Don’t just let me talk about that Twitter matter,
    lols. I laughed stuidly. I mean come on! Even if I meet you in a
    random place, not through someone I know, I won’t trust you not to
    talk of falling in love, Over Twitter kwa. Abeg he should take
    several seats,

  5. TA

    December 16, 2013 at 10:24 am

    I shall gladly take shopping. [email protected] only rich people say
    that. Shopping can be therapeutic sha… you don’t believe me? Ok
    let me share this,One time I was feeling down (can’t even remember
    what the issue was) and I left thehouse to see a friend who I know
    could Cheer me up and she drove to a lingerie shop,I bought a red
    bra yes ke as in fire engine red brassiere! We bought a few other
    items and left happy as a lark. Maybe it was not the red bra,maybe
    it was just leaving the house to do something, anything but I
    definitely know that I love to shop,whether its buying data rodeo
    and prawns for my moin moon or ordering bag or shoes online,but
    nothing gives me the thrill like buying a new wrist watch,ah! the
    adrenaline! am like a kid in a candy shop, he!he! he! I guess am
    not a shopaholic because when am broke, I never borrow or use my
    credit card,it has to be cash, if I nor get money I jejely carry my
    2 left legs and do the dejected walk,so maybe I never qualify as
    shopahic but I love to buy buy things sha. Have a pleasant week
    y’all 🙂

    • TA

      December 16, 2013 at 10:27 am

      *ata rodo for moin join. Sorry guys,auto correct
      wahala.

    • whocares

      December 16, 2013 at 11:21 am

      lmaooooooooo. yes ke and ata rodo killed me but you are right. any type of buying that you pay for with your money is therapeutic. usually when I am down I read or listen to my random music, but nothing beats shopping for food. I am a serious foodie/clothie. lol. I make a comprehensive list of whatever experiment I want about to do on the weekend and you should see me at the store. I am like augustus gloop in Charlie’s chocolate factory.

  6. Thelma

    December 16, 2013 at 10:24 am

    Atoke I love what you’ve done with this post. You have a
    post and maybe three topics for three subsequent post. To answer
    your question, personally I would have liked for you to have
    focused on the twitter guy. I never get tired to analyzing love,
    relationships and related topics. I would have liked for us to
    discuss it almost exhaustively. What did he mean by she worshipped
    him? What effect did her “worship” have on him? Did it make him
    love her more? How do you fall in love with someone you’ve never
    spoken to? Who’s pictures did this person use as hers? How did he
    watch the match via Skype without seeing this person? Doesn’t this
    dude have a life, the world is swarming with super hot chick ready
    for the taking and he’s busy falling in love with a cyber
    personality he’s yet to meet…? I would like to know more about
    the interpreter but that’s stuff I can research on on my own. As
    for shopaholics, I’m not one but there was a time in my life that
    shopping was my therapy. When I got depressed I’d just go out and
    buy buy buy. Mainly stuff I didn’t need and things for other
    people, the way their faces lit up when I gave them something they
    weren’t expecting at all made me feel a little better. But the act
    of shopping in itself was therapeutic, it took my mind off my real
    problems. Please visit http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com for exciting
    posts and stories.

  7. FunkyW

    December 16, 2013 at 10:41 am

    LOL Atoks! I also can’t tell what you should have focused on …but I totally understand the guy who fell in love, the scammer probably presented herself as the most ideal partner we all dream of having , one with all the virtues and few weaknesses.

  8. whocares

    December 16, 2013 at 11:01 am

    LOOOl. ooh I love that you have given us a choice of topics.. I love you (she bats eyelashes as she coos) firstly, I have never played candy crush. people say its awesome but I see my aunt play it and I am not joking that game has given her a high blood pressure. lool. she is always wanting more life or begging for more life. I don’t get it.

    Secondly, being a shopaholic is not for the rich o. I am paying off my masters fees at the moment so I can def say I am not rich but I shop EVERY WEEKEND. how I hunt for bargains like a prostitute in dry spell. I wear such unique things, and I have been known to get a designer winter jacket for a pound. LOL.

    And the guy on twiiter? catfish anyone? that programme puts the fear of gods in me regarding online dating. from watching catfish, and reading etc.. I don’t think its ego as opposed to loneliness. lets face it if you could find a physical person to fulfil you emotionally like the person online does, you would not be online. now make that online person a barracuda who know just what to say to worm their way into your heart and you are toast. I think he was lonely that’s all.

    • jcsgrl

      December 16, 2013 at 4:31 pm

      Lol @ prostitute on a dry spell. Mehn I need to read more. Where do you guys learn or coin such words?

    • whocares

      December 16, 2013 at 6:28 pm

      on a dry spell…my grammar is appalling sometimes *sigh* , smh and all the works. lol

  9. Shona

    December 16, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Three topics in one…Okay!Leggo….1st,the twitter matter was funny,but I cld relate cos I have fallen in love via social media b4 evn tho I knew dat was sick..I didnt see d guys sef…dats by d way.2ndly,my shopping habits have been curbed…I shop 3 tyms in a year..Beginning of d year,mid year and end of d year.

  10. Mz Socially Awkward...

    December 16, 2013 at 11:27 am

    That romance scandal on twitter is just pure jokes… (One of the reasons he fell so madly in love was ‘cos “she” let him watch a match via “her” Skype account??? Alrighty). I’m sorry to be a meanie but the thought of someone purposely setting up an account for this one purpose just cracks me up…

    As for the subject of Christmas as an excuse for unnecessary over-spending & gross commercialization…!!!!! It’s too early to let me hop on my soapbox so imma just leave that one for now. We just all need to calm down with this madness of buying needlessly like zombies, just because it’s Christmas – that’s absolutely not what Christ’s birth was for…

  11. jinkelele

    December 16, 2013 at 11:52 am

    CATFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Autoprincess

    December 16, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    That Twitter issue was particularly terrible. I think someone just wanted to bring our guy back to earth (cos of his perceived arrogance) by humiliating him. Even though he said their love was not the relationship or sex type, their connection was really emotional and almost spiritual. You know how you have never met someone but through shared discussions, conversations and messages, you feel connected? That was it for him but unfortunately it was a well-orchestrated plan to mess with him. I hope he (and all of us) have learned from the episode – “if something appears too good to be real, it probably is (too good to be true)”. Selah

  13. CHIKA

    December 16, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    The Shopaholic T I love because shopping take my mind off all worries totally too. For the interpreter; the guy really has some nerves pulling off such stunts and as for Twitter T, hmmm, that was mean oo but its commonplace, people just need to be careful. I would never be the type to feel any other connection apart from internet connection as far as Social media is concerned. Connect oshi.

  14. Dee

    December 16, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Lol! Please I’d like to know more about this twitter love story. Can anyone help a sister?

  15. Charlotte

    December 16, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    OMG! Candy Crush…..arrrrgggghhhhh!!!! Jelly Splash is another annoying game as well!

  16. Dolapo

    December 16, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    My piece so far. A ill’ bit of everything intertwined together. Brb.

  17. Different Shades of Nigerian

    December 16, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    I am begging in the name of God. Pls can someone feel me in on this twitter love gist, I am slacking in 3D and this seems to be the sweetest gist of all 3 topics. Pls post a link if u can or tell me who the activist is and I can continue my investigation from there, lol…Atoke u no try oh, see half half gist everywhere

    • whocares

      December 16, 2013 at 6:39 pm

      I am begging too o. you don’t even have to give us story, just post the link and we will read it.. lol.
      Just to reiterate the question: Who is the dude on twitter that some girl did chop and clean mouth on his emotions? moments like these make me reconsider my decision to not have a twitter account.

    • Atoke

      December 16, 2013 at 8:59 pm

      Lol type ‘RoyalAmebo’ into your Google search bar and it will all come tumbling down. Cheers.

  18. Bide

    December 16, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    How come i didnt hear about this twitter love story too..

  19. deb

    December 16, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    Oh, Yes, im a shopaholic, from hair products, to makeup, to diamonds. I LOVE TO OWN and you own by shopping. Shopping is absolutely a lovely therapy and you need to see the way I carry my bottle of perfumes at night.#biggest grin#

  20. deb

    December 16, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Did I forget to add that I have four jobs that I run independently and if I get more jobs I will do it. I LOVE TO SPEND MONEY

  21. beccah

    December 16, 2013 at 9:11 pm

    I never heard of dis story o..ehnehn!!interesting

  22. Hadassah

    December 17, 2013 at 7:17 am

    Atoke u dun just confuse my head with this banter !! Well, I’ll excuse myself today. See you next week.

  23. whocares

    December 17, 2013 at 10:09 am

    @atoke I almost wished you put “UNLEASH THE KRAKEN” when you told me what to search, because that is what you have done. lol. OMG..

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