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Mz Chizzy: First Move

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Some while back, I had this very interesting conversation with my girlfriends. Just out of curiosity I wanted to know if any of them could take the first step in telling a guy how much she feels about him. Seeing that they are the ideal 21st century babes – smart, intelligent, well-exposed, gorgeous-looking corporate executives with salaries to die for who are vehemently against the Anti-gay bill as per marriage equality and all, I figured it wouldn’t be so much of a big deal. Ahmean, kini big deal?

Heaven forbid…hell no…I can’t. Not in this world, not in another” screamed Jessica. Again, Jessica’s response got me thinking. I find it a tad startling that despite the aggression women display in other facets of their lives, (cue in ‘feminism’) a lot of women shy away from being the initiators in dating. Their aggression no reach that side ba?…They still think asking a person out on a date is strictly a man’s job.
But I wouldn’t blame them though. Let’s not forget some guys are douchebags to the core…like you make the first move and POW! you lose your very essence as a human just because some guy is going to make you the topic of discussion amongst his family and friends till time stands still. They automatically brand you a whore just because you spoke your mind like every sane, mature human being. So really, if the little bell at the back of your mind starts to jingle, maybe, just maybe you’d be much better off not making that move.

In reality, there are beautiful success stories of women who made the first move. Maybe not as much as the failed attempts but at least there are success stories and that’s comforting enough.

I know of a lady who woo’ed her boo. She had gone to a company retreat with her colleagues and some folks from partner firms. As soon as they arrived she noticed Timothy, the ‘fit one.’ Obviously she wasn’t the only one as the dude had all the girls flirting around him but none of them dared make a move on him because they thought he was inaccessible.

This lady had nothing to lose, so she went for it and went to his room one night. They kissed, and that was all. The next day she acted as if nothing had happened, and they ended up in his room again the next night – he was really keen! He even confessed that he had always had a soft spot for her. 3 years down the line, they are now happily married.

On the international scene, Desperate Housewives star Marcia Cross made the first move on now-husband Tom Mahoney. Britney Spears also confessed sometime ago that she made the first move on her now-fiancé.
I also know that there are lots of guys out there who are totally unperturbed when a lady makes the first move. Infact, they love it.

Here’s what I think: If you really like a guy, seize the moment. Give him the green light to ask you out and if he’s colour-blind, make the first move, ask for his number, set a date with the ‘what’s the worst thing that can happen’ mindset. To hell with all these conventions, traditions and unwritten rules. Do whatever tickles your fancy but be discreet about it.

But what do you ladies think… Is it culturally acceptable for a girl to make the first move on that cute, coy guy of her dreams – approaching him, kissing him first, etc? What are the up and downsides? Do we have more failed attempts than success stories? Is it something you’re up to? Do share!

Photo Credit: wzakcleveland.com

MzChizzy is the writer behind bottleforthepain.wordpress.com. She thinks for a living. She can simultaneously be the nicest and meanest person you’d ever meet. She loves fufu more than life itself and hates taking pictures with a passion. Follow her on twitter @Mzz_Chizzy ‘cos you won’t find her on Instagram.

131 Comments

  1. Marie Antoinette

    February 22, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    Lol @…”if he’s colour blind”.
    Guilty! But fortunately it worked out for me…I made the first move on my boo, he was stunned! Et voilà! We are still going strong. He thanks and teases me about the encounter at same time.

    • miss moji

      February 24, 2014 at 2:50 am

      Guess what! I met my boo right on the comment section of bella naija. left a message for him to send me a mail and he did and he has been the best thing to happen to me.
      I almost beat myself up after sending the message and I shut my laptop and wailed, saying I have disgraced my generation. he thanks me for making that move everyday and he has been worth it. wedding bells are about to ring too.lol.

      1
    • Qu33n

      February 24, 2014 at 10:32 am

      Miss moji!!!!!!!!!! Lucky u..im inspired 😀

    • Sandy

      February 24, 2014 at 4:12 pm

      Marie A and miss moji, u ladies are the 0.5% of us ladies that had a successful sojourn in the journey of asking a guy out.. Honestly i would advice ladies to just stick to green light and hints and leave the asking to the guy to do if he’s into you and pray he’s not ‘blind’.. Kpomkwem

  2. chy

    February 22, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Tried that with one of my colleagues and I have never regretted anything more.
    Dude turned out to be a blabber mouth. Every time I think I’ve gotten over the humiliation he says something else!
    I decide to chyke man I go chyke blabber mouth yoruba boy!
    SMH

    • L2

      February 22, 2014 at 5:48 pm

      I’m sorry if i come across as being tribalistic which is not the intent, but that is SSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO typical of half the population of yoruba dudes. Once again, no disrespect or guile intended, its just what it is!

    • Bossom

      February 22, 2014 at 7:01 pm

      You commented with different names, haha. Anyway what you said is very true.

    • ms lala

      February 22, 2014 at 8:01 pm

      but its true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..before u can say oni pe ..your name is flying around in circles you don’t even know…am not tribalist but i try to avoid dating yoruba men…been scared and aint trying to reopen any old wounds

    • CarliforniaBawlar

      February 23, 2014 at 12:53 am

      I’m Yoruba and i’m with you 100% on this one o!!
      To be fair, as with all things in life, its not all of them sha…the key is being able to spot a ‘typical’ Yoruba boy…. and just flee, ‘cos nothing good can come out of that situation….lol.

    • Mama Mia!!!

      February 23, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Seconded!!!

    • Ib

      February 24, 2014 at 2:36 am

      True!

    • sigh

      February 24, 2014 at 12:34 am

      The last time I checked, it was typical of most men, even Nigerian, not exclusively Yoruba. So my dear, apologies or not, you are tribalist.

    • Free Spirit

      February 24, 2014 at 5:05 pm

      I would just like to let you know that you are an helpless tribalist regardless the number of times you tell your self that you are not. Seek Help

    • kenneth

      February 28, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      Different stokes for different folks they say. However you can’t rule out possibility of good relationship even where a lady makes the first move. Few have been fortunate in this regard but we must loose thought over the perculiarity of our society which is patrileanial in relative context though. I would suggest care in making such move

  3. @edDREAMZ

    February 22, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    The note is too long so couldnt finish it but the first step is always carried out by the man….. Seriously, if any lady work up to me telling me she wants me, i will take her for granted…
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN THE SUN***

    • nala

      February 22, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      Note is too long? Smh. Maybe that’s why you don’t know the difference between walk and work.

    • Teni

      February 25, 2014 at 4:49 pm

      ouch!

    • scentimental

      February 26, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      Choi! See ela!

    • slice

      February 22, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      If she “worked” up to u, then I can see why u wld take her for granted 🙂

    • AA

      February 22, 2014 at 10:29 pm

      I thy know, no wonder you think it’s too long

    • Mzlyrics

      February 23, 2014 at 3:26 am

      Better go and invest in Brighter grammar and take time to read all the lines and do the homework. It would really help your spelling and your attention span!

    • Americana

      February 23, 2014 at 11:54 pm

      OMG!!! Bella Naija commenters be killing me. Lmsao.

      On that note. Iyam looking for husand oh. lol. For real bella naija you should create a platform for we serious single ladies and men #runs off

    • DannyK

      February 26, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      LMFAO!!!!!!!. That dude is a trip!
      He must think the page is for advertising garri. He probablly was expecting to see a sentence as short ad ‘Come and buy Garri’.
      LMFAO!

  4. Dr. N

    February 22, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    If u have d liver n are prepared to live with possible rejection, why not? Majority of Nigerian men would not mind, if the idea is a one night stand. Fewer will see the possibility of commitment tho. Hubby once told me he’ld be worried the lady has an ulterior motive. I think it works out when the guy was interested, but lacked courage or opportunity to make the first move. drnsmusings.wordpress.com

    • CarliforniaBawlar

      February 22, 2014 at 6:56 pm

      Your husband maybe right about the ulterior motive in some cases (maybe nothing as evil as he might think though). I have found that i can ‘chyke’ a guy when i don’t care that much about him…it makes things easier. Well, yesterday i texted a random dude/neighbor and asked him out on a date. I couldn’t have cared less if he said yes or no. I’m just looking for some sort of distraction while i sort my current ‘situation’ out. I feel so bad sometimes.But guys do it…so why not, if not… I think its my coping mechanism though, cos once i start having some dude trying to mess with my head, i turn into the hugest flirt ever & start doing my thing. My friends just straight up think i’m a player…hehehehe ***coversface***

    • Black chic

      February 23, 2014 at 10:04 pm

      I feel you big time!!!! I am the same way, though I hate it sometimes and ask myself can I be really faithful and loyal??? Cos long term commitments I.e require that! Are you Aries by any chance??? Lol

  5. LamLam

    February 22, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    on a scale of 1-10 in africa especially 9ja its only 3% dat might work, cos african men must jst talk & yab u ‘after all na she ask mi out’ rubish talk mtcheewwww! But i see notin bad in it tho i’v nvr tried it & am not rdy to i’ll rather die in silence biko!

  6. ohgawd

    February 22, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    I generally always make the first move. I am a hunter. I get bored with being chased. I akways say what I think and feel…I have had cases where it was not reciprocated but I have never regretted it…I find men like this too by The way…its not beibg cheap. Its being assertive…

    • ms lala

      February 22, 2014 at 8:06 pm

      omg…your my twin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GET BORED EASILY ESPECIALLY WHEN AM CHASED…i like being the hunter…yeah girl its in da blood mahn (jamaican accent)..have never been rejected tho , i know one day it will happen *gulps*

  7. c'est moi

    February 22, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    Every woman loves to be wooed, chased etc etc I would never walk up to a guy unless it is a bet and all for fun. Besides, it is …he that findeth! the dude’s got to do some serious searching and when he finds, gotta follow up with some serious wooing. i think every woman deserves that ‘process’ … oooo sweet memories 🙂

  8. Jojo

    February 22, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    Lol @ Lam Lam. “I would rather die in silence..lol. I totally get your point. Had I been single, I don’t think I would have had the liver. Most naija men would simply conclude your are desperate and cheap.

  9. Nicole

    February 22, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    I used to be one of those girls who would never think of such. But that changed when I fell helplessly in love with a guy some months back. I knew I had to do something about it when he started occupying a large portion of my brain space. I literally started seeing him in my dreams (I kid you not). I dont think I have felt this strongly for anyone in my entire life. I thought love had become extinct. Telling him was hard because we had a very formal relationship, but I eventually did and dont even let me get started on how I told him (the silliest approach ever). He said he was in a relationship, it hurt me so bad, but I dont regret my actions, at least I let it out and knew my stance. The painful part is that he handled everything like a perfect gentle man which has made it even more difficult to get over him. I haven’t had a conversation with him since that day, but it feels like yesterday. Even as I have met several guys after, I still think about him everyday. I thought out of sight was out of mind. Well I guess sometimes, loving someone means letting go. Gosh: The one I love but can’t have…..

    Woman or Man out there, if you love someone let them know, life is too short to compromise on your feelings, because of some sick misogynist societal belief. Dont let anyone make you feel like a cheap slut for loving someone. And trust me, “letting them know” could make a difference. It may not have made a difference in my case, but it could for you.

    • June

      February 22, 2014 at 8:50 pm

      @Nicole, I totally understand what you are saying. I fell in love with one of my dance instructors last year. I didnt have the guts to tells him. He is like the most handsome guy I have ever met, and he probably doesnt even know how good he looks. Meaning that he is so humble and nice. Anyway, during the training, I didnt tell him how I felt, I wanted to but just couldnt. After the training, I continued to see him around campus and at the gym but all I could say was a shaky “hi”.
      Anyway, a year later, he graduated and moved to a different state. And I regretted not telling him how I felt. I met this other guy last year who looks exactly like him, in fact I thought it was him initially. The guy was interested in me, but didnt know how to say it, kinda shy. Maybe because of what I felt for the other guy, I immediately asked this guy out, without wasting time. Invited him to dinner dates, outings, and all that.
      But here is the thing with this guy now, he doesnt do what other guys/men do. I am the man in the relationship. I ask to see him, reserve dates, buy gifts, ets. I am not sure if it was because I took the first step or it is just the way he is. Not sure….

    • Nicole

      February 23, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      Hmm……I can imagine.
      My dear, you need to understand that some people have a problem saying “NO”. Not reciprocating your love is as good as turning you down. I would advise that you give him some space. No calls, no messages, no gifts and watch his reaction. I know its hard when you love someone. But you need to tell yourself the truth and know where you really stand. Best wishes

    • sigh

      February 24, 2014 at 12:39 am

      That’s your cue to get to stepping.

    • Esther

      February 22, 2014 at 8:57 pm

      Aww! True love will come to you dear.

    • Nicole

      February 23, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      Thanks dear

    • memebaby

      February 22, 2014 at 9:07 pm

      i want to be like you so bad miss!

    • Nicole

      February 23, 2014 at 12:05 pm

      LOL!!!

    • BabyDee

      February 22, 2014 at 9:10 pm

      Nicole!!!!! Are you sure you’re not me? Abi could I have possibly written what your wrote while i was half asleep? I have something sooooooo similar going on right now. We’ve known each other for a couple of years. (he found me when a mutual friend used my pic as his dp on my birthday. he asked who the babe was, and went to find me on fb). He never asked me out though but we’ve become soooo close. He used to have a gf when we first met, but they broke up and he’s been single for about 9 months now. I’ve been single for 2.5yrs now. We’ve gotten even closer since he broke up with his girl. We live in diff continents but have seen in person on 2 different trips since we met. Still never asked me out but he can’t stop talking about how much he likes me. This love of mine occupies every part of my being…from consciousness to my dreams. I even have imaginary conversations with him when we are not having real ones which is at least 5-6 days a week. We saw in person during the holiday season and i couldnt hold it any longer. I poured my heart out to him and I was shaking the entire time.
      Let’s just say he told me a few weeks back that it would be hard to have a relationship because of the distance and he would prefer to be with someone close by to him. I was sooooooo broken hearted when he said so and I’ve been doing my best to stay away from him. It’s the hardest thing though. He is every bit my kind of person and the way he handled it when i told him even made me love him more.

      -Babydee

    • memebaby

      February 22, 2014 at 11:43 pm

      awwww..isn’t distance a bitch ? but you have to understand him too not everyone can handle being in a long distance relationship. but don’t worry.. love will come again. soon soon!

    • Nicole

      February 23, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      LOL. This thing called love e get as e be oo
      Mine offered friendship, but I could not put my self through that kind of emotional trauma. You know how guys can be, he might try to rub it in. I had to lose his number for fear of doing something stupid. My career choice brought an opportunity to be around him for the next couple of years, but I turned down the offer and went somewhere else. I know how I wept the day I realised he was taken, I cant be weeping like that everyday. How on earth would I concentrate? Anyways GOD dey…..

    • Like

      February 24, 2014 at 10:35 pm

      My colleauge introduced me to his friend and we got chatting. After 1 week, i had fallen for him but the guy was just chilling… the problem is if i like someone, i will keep checking up on them and since he didnt see me in that way, instead of wasting my credits and chat time. I decided to let go.. sometimes, i just wonder what is wrong with me? why didnt he like me? I almost made the move once but then again Yoruba boys of life my not say No and you will be floating

    • Onye

      February 23, 2014 at 12:43 am

      He was in a relationship. You are terrible.

  10. Fantasia

    February 22, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    Ladies,tell some you admire how you feel because opportunities are lost in a blink of an eye but regrets last for a life time.Don’t be shy or if u are shy,at least green light is enough,they will come when u show them green light.Most men don’t ve confidence to approach women but by green light,he may summon courage to come.

    • memebaby

      February 22, 2014 at 9:20 pm

      sigh…it’s hard oo.. i met this guy at a function and oh was he cute but i didnt say shit..so did he.. few days later, we met again at a club on vals day and we danced thru out the night.. I was dancing in my mind at least he can ask for my number after but nooo. so I made up my mind that I was going to ask him for his number.instead this fine idiot asked me to come spend the night in his house! boy was I pissed. I Smiled and said no. That did it for me..I suddenly stopped crushing on him.. he think say i b booty call abi ? smh..

  11. gagu

    February 22, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    I dont think theres anytin wrong wit a female making the first move,some guys are just scared of being told no,so why the delay walk up to him and tell am d matta as e bi who knows you might be giving out ashoebi sooner than you think.

  12. Morinsola

    February 22, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    This couldt ve come at a better time. Lol. Abeg. Whats the worst that could happen?

    • Ifeanyi

      February 22, 2014 at 10:20 pm

      the worst that can happen is to get laid to everynight…if that is not possible, you get to feed me three suare meals daily…

      the source of something should be the sustenance of that same thing…

    • Pico de Gallo

      February 23, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      The worst that could happen is that you would have to move to Japan! LOL

  13. CovertNigerian

    February 22, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    I can only speak for myself – I doubt that I would mind, or end up disrespecting the woman.
    I find it interesting how cultural norms conveniently come up on issues like this. I think women often fail to appreciate how difficult it is for many guys to walk up to a girl (especially one they really like) and make this “first move”, but we very often do so knowing that we may fail. In fact some girls will laugh in a guy’s face and end up having giggle infested conversations with their friends about that “stupid guy” and how he dared to think he was on her level (the same blabbing to friends many girls fear).
    Just the same way reasonable men realize that the first move works best when the girl already thinks about you that way, women need to understand that the fact that you asked doesn’t mean that the guy has to accept – no be by force. Most women have had reason to turn down advances in the past, be willing to accept same. Hopefully the guy will be polite but just like not all girls are, don’t expect that to always be the case.
    As for this lame excuse offered by men that they won’t appreciate a woman that asks them out. I think that has more to do with the fact that he never really liked her that way and a lot less to do with the fact that she asked him out. If a guy really likes a girl and she saves him from his lack of a backbone by asking him out, he would be too busy feeling like he won the lottery not to be appreciative.
    That said, because life is not always straightforward, I agree with those that say to show a blinding green light and give all the subtle feminine cues you can first and only if that fails should you then ask him out. Many potentially great relationships never happen because one or both parties feel the other is unattainable/unapproachable.

  14. youtibe

    February 22, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    Remember Ruth and Boaz o.Lol.

    • ada

      February 24, 2014 at 10:51 am

      yes ooo and she became one of the great-great grandmas of Jesus

  15. Chigbo

    February 22, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    Theory is different from practice. All of you e- commenting and casually remaking what’s the worse that can happen?

    Try it and see na……

    • ThatAwkagirl!

      February 24, 2014 at 9:12 am

      Gbam!

  16. jaydee

    February 22, 2014 at 8:50 pm

    I totally made the first move on my boo and he loved it.we re still together happy n strong n ready to walk down the aisle. He also teases me about it but is so happy n grateful I did. Called him up and we talked for long n den he called back n it’s been really fantastic. Love u b.

  17. Chigbo

    February 22, 2014 at 8:51 pm

    Few outcomes come to mind
    1) He rejects you and blabs about it
    2) He rejects you and keeps quiet
    3) He accepts your proposal because he’s an opportunist and out to empty your bank account / use you as stepping stone and move on when he sees his true love
    4) He accepts you cuz he might actually like you…………but to chickened to propose himself which is not the kind of man I like. I don’t want a man-boy. I need a manly man.

    • Inem

      February 22, 2014 at 11:37 pm

      Oh my! Just what I was thinking. The first time I tried it, I just told him I liked him and that we could make a beautiful pair. this guy accepted and asked “how come you didn’t tell me all along?” and he was all smiles.. See me, I was so happy. A week after, he told me “emmm….first of all I can’t date a virgin…secondly, I want to take care of my siblings till they graduate from university…maybe when I am about 30, I will consider marriage…I don’t just want to tie you down…or are you willing to wait?” and he was about 22 then….now 25. My dear, I didn’t need a soothsayer to tell me what he meant oh…and by the time he told me this…it was all over town…”she asked him out”.
      I am not sure I have the courage to make that move a second time on any guy.

    • Bolanle

      February 22, 2014 at 11:41 pm

      No. 3 is scary!!! I’ve heard so many stories like that! And No. 4 is a turn off!! We need assertive men!

    • anonymous

      February 24, 2014 at 10:00 am

      My mother asked my father out in 1982 and they got married 2 years after and my father worshiped the ground my mother walked on till he died and he was a successful anambra man who trained his younger ones as well as my mum’s people.

      My current boyfriend was calling and taking me out on dates and when he hadn’t made any moves and I was tired of drinking Champagne, I asked him to kiss me, spent the night at his place and today he can die ontop my matter. He later told me that he had seen me as standoffish and a bit of a snob and felt I didn’t like him that when I asked him to kiss me he couldn’t believe it ……but I guess it worked cos he liked me first sha.

      I think it works for girls with a standoffish personality, that guys admire but cant say as the guy is too excited that she spoke to him to consider her cheap but it could also backfire as the guy can decide to play her.

      that said, follow your heart cos as the bible says ‘There is a spirit in man and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth him understanding’

  18. http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com/

    February 22, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    Every time I made the first move I never had cause to regret it. But I find that the older I get, the less carefree I am. I think, rethink, overthink and end up not bothering. That said, I ALWAYS give the green light and if he doesn’t take the bait then I accept that he’s just not into me and keep it moving. One thing I think is the key to success in this is weighing how he feels about you. If you think he likes you and is just a little shy then by all means let him know how you feel. But if I know a guy has minus zero interest in me, I don’t bother, I already have enough shit to deal with in my life, don’t need to add rejection to that list.

    thelmathinks.blogspot.com

  19. stella

    February 22, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    The worst thing that can happen…the guy looks u in the face n calls you a slut n goes futher to tell his friends n those who care to listen, how cheap n desperate you are or he takes off his shoes, dusts them and runs the hell away from you…that’s it nothing more (or so I think)

    • Onanna

      February 23, 2014 at 7:48 am

      Lmao*i haff die*

    • sigh

      February 24, 2014 at 12:45 am

      If u can’t stand up for urself when a man calls u a slut BECAUSE you told him you liked him then maybe u’re not ready to WOMAN UP, remain a child pls.
      A man who refers to u as a slut because u told him you liked him is NOT a man. He is a roach.

    • millionairess

      February 25, 2014 at 6:37 pm

      Heheheheeeeee me I love this one ooooo lol. And in addition if he makes the move and you accept and reciprocate his love then he now starts acting up cos he’s got all of your attention, then he is a stinking sewage roach. Lmao

  20. Babytohcute

    February 22, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    This’s a question though. What if you are still into the guy who broke it off with you? Should you still express the feelings

    • memebaby

      February 22, 2014 at 11:50 pm

      i don’t think that is a good idea sis. he doesn’t want you anymore so why are you still trying to express more feelings towards him. If it was the other way round I doubt if you will give him a second chance when you clearly broke it off with him.

    • c'est moi

      February 23, 2014 at 12:02 am

      depends on the circumstances behind the breakup. If it is cos he’s moved on or into someone else, then you shouldn’t unless you feel sharing it with him will make you feel better, which i doubt. If the breakup was for some other reason that can be sorted out, then definitely yes. You know the person best, if he’s a gentleman, he won’t rub it all on your face, but if he’s a jerk, my dear, just bottle up the ‘expression’

    • slice

      February 23, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      i agree. if he broke up with u cause you were being a honest to god bi***, then go tell him you’ve changed and would like a second chance. but if he straight up was not into you, just move right along

  21. Bola

    February 22, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    Ladies turn down men’s advances all the time. How do you think the men feel? It actually takes a lot of self confidence for either a man or woman to approach a potential love interest. Before you take that bold step please make sure you have allowed your head and not your heart evaluate all the possible outcomes and be prepared for them. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in a woman approaching a man, it’s better than going home every night to watch Greys anatomy over a bucket of icecream while waiting for that man to take the cue. The key word here is wisdom.

    • *Real* Nice Anon

      February 24, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      “it’s better than going home every night to watch Greys anatomy over a bucket of icecream while waiting for that man to take the cue”

      How melodramatic. How many women are actually doing this? Let’s take easy jare.

  22. sophie

    February 23, 2014 at 2:42 am

    Really not much of a big deal for me though. Maybe because I’m a go getter. I feel if you really like someone what’s to loose. You loose more by not saying anything, later regretting and wondering what would have happened if you did. Just a shame that I haven’t had the opportunity though.

  23. sophie

    February 23, 2014 at 2:43 am

    Really not much of a big deal for me though. Maybe because I’m a go getter. I feel if you really like someone what’s to loose. You loose more by not saying anything, later regretting and wondering what would have happened if you did. Just a shame that I haven’t had the opportunity though. Most guys walk up to me.

  24. Eniola

    February 23, 2014 at 3:23 am

    I used to be one of those who thought this was a huge no-no however in recent times, I have come to learn there really is nothing bad in it because some guys are naturally shy or scared. I will tell a guy how I feel about him and if the feeling is mutual, I ll still like him to pursue me somewhat because in most cases when the girl does all the pursuing, sooner or later she will complain about him not wearing the pants in the relationship. Men are naturally hunters and as ladies when we completely assume that role of pursuing, something will be off.

  25. Donthavetimeforrubbish.

    February 23, 2014 at 5:28 am

    men should do the chasing, women!…you can hint, drop all manner of breadcrumbs for the guy at the end of the day, he will surely come to you,that is if he really likes you.
    Not too long ago one chick in my office was feeling me, i could tell cos as soon as i land in the morning, its ” Oooooo hiiii” and strong hug usually follows(the babe was soft sha!).She didn’t open her mouth to say i like you, it was a guy that was our mutual friend that hinted to it after he queried me about my status and i said “no chick at the moment”..He just said i should give her a chance. Anyway long story short, the babe that was “feeling me” was also feeling another dude on the same street,apparently doing a good job of sucking his wallet dry,aside from that, the report i got from my “guys” in the area raised a lot of red flags.So as a typical dude with common sense, she Like me or she no like me, I never followed her up.

    • sigh

      February 24, 2014 at 12:49 am

      Callin women chicks, just like that. U’re worthy of only birds, not real women. And really, a bird will prob leave all the crumbs you mentioned: advertise her goods bcuz that’s the only clue roaches like urself will understand

    • Bide

      February 24, 2014 at 5:47 pm

      OUCH!!!!

    • millionairess

      February 25, 2014 at 6:44 pm

      Pls tell the mumu more. Nonsense

  26. lisa

    February 23, 2014 at 6:40 am

     made d mistake of teln α guy hw  felt abt him ή  hv regretted it evry single day since den

    • chi-e-z

      February 23, 2014 at 8:30 pm

      second that

  27. pipi

    February 23, 2014 at 6:42 am

    Nigerian men Ke! Making the first move is a step too far sef. What about agreeing too quickly when agreeing too quickly when he asks u out. Or not playing hard to get when he’s making moves. Infact to each his own

  28. Pope Culz Kitz

    February 23, 2014 at 8:58 am

    Lord protect me from my girl friends. I can take care of my g-enemy

  29. passerby

    February 23, 2014 at 9:13 am

    I did make d first move to my boo. He’s a regular customer to my office and everyday I see him, I just droll. Made up my mind, got his number but didn’t gather enough liver to call him. So I took to watsapp. Said hi, he calls me, confesses the feeling have been mutual. And it’s been a lovely experience for almost one year now. Life is too short to bottle up feeling. Let’s let it out. Wats really d worse that Could happen?

  30. Babytohcute

    February 23, 2014 at 11:14 am

    Thanks memebaby and c’est moi. But the break up was based on distance. We are not still in the same country. We are friends and I don’t want to spill and the friendship becomes awkward. This is hard…….

    • slice

      February 23, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      i personally assume breaking up due to distance is a polite way of saying i’m not that into you. not ready to commit to you. You don’t want that. let it go

    • Ready

      February 24, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      Slice, I agree based on personal experience. My bf initially broke up with me because of distance and him thinking it would be unfair to ask me to wait while he spends years getting his advanced degree. He tried to remain friends, but I needed him out of my system so I blacked him out for almost half a year.
      Usually, I get bored with guys but for some reason, a year and a different country later, I was still feeling him. Armed with confidence after lots of thought, I decided to tell him on the phone that I thought we were gonna end up together anyway and that no-one would probably make me feel the way he did/does. Although I didn’t get an immediate answer, something changed in our relationship, and I knew we would end up together.
      Cue his next visit to Nigeria months later, we got back together and have been for almost 2 years now. It’s still long distance but he’s more determined than ever to make it work. He tells me stuff like “You know I’ll put my entire being into making us last, yeah?” On my part, I’m still very much in love, and I know he feels the same way.
      I told my story to emphasize that when a guy/girl becomes sure of what he/she wants, distance becomes just 1 of the obstacles that life throws in the way of something great. So yeah…like slice said, it’s just a polite way of saying he’s not ready to commit. You really should just let it go.

  31. Janet

    February 23, 2014 at 11:38 am

    I think green light (Eye contact,Smile at him,being friendly)is enough,a girl walking up to a guy looks strange unless you are bold enough.You may create an attraction for him to notice u.

  32. Easy n Gentle

    February 23, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    A lady made the first move once, we were super-close, but at the time it just didn’t feel like the right thing to do. I politely turned her down stating my reasons and appreciating how hard it must have been to blurt it out. Needless to say, our friendship never remained the same; almost like she’s trying to avoid conversation any time we see, scared i might bring it up. Sometimes i wonder what if though, we were in sync and seemed to fit. We could gist till Jesus comes.

    I don’t like chasing women though, emotionally exhausting thing for me. I can count with one hand how many times i have tried to actively woo a lady. None of which was a success. I like it when everything is mutual. And i don’t have a problem with a lady making the FIRST move either. I guess i would freak out a little if she was too aggressive though. So if a lady i like made the first move, the better for both of us.

  33. 90s

    February 23, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    ……..I once shared my feelings wit a particular guy 2 yrs bak, i knew e ws hooked up wit sum1 bt i jus needed to tel him hw i felt abt him, i told him i had feelings 4 him nd i culdnt kip it within me me, e also told me dat e loved me bt dat e ws actually hooked up wit a particular gal nd nt like e stil loves er bt bcos e ws d person who disvirgined er so dat alone hs nailed him to d gal, i felt sad though bt i culdnt force him to b wit me, til date, we re stil gud friends nd nw am wit a man dat cherish me so much……

    • Bleed Blue

      February 24, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      Oh dear Lord…my eyes…this comment…whyyyyy?!!

  34. Sarah

    February 23, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    Well one time I told a guy I had a crush on him, we went out once and that was it. Now I regret saying it. Whenever I see him its weird and I think to myself what was I thinking. I know for sure I’m never doing that again.

  35. zizi

    February 23, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    LIBreaders won’t kill me here on bella naija. @edDREAMS really needs brighter grammar.

  36. DJ STELCH

    February 23, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Speaking From Experience: I was in SS3 when a girl wooed me for the 1st time with a 5 page letter. I just got back from school on that faithful day and ma lil sis handed over a letter to me, was surprised cause i had no date at that time and was curious to know what the content of the letter was. After reading through the 1st and second paragraph i got sooo Upset and livid with Anger, Arrr she was the house help of the next door neighbour, ( I DON DIE).

    I quickly rushed downstairs where she was washing and Ate her up with unpleasant words, Oh She looked at me in Shock and WEPT.

    Few weeks later i appologised and little did i know i had a soft spot for her (SEE GOBE).

    I tried soo much to get her close to me just to look for a loophole to express my self, eventually i found one and that earned me a DIRTY SLAP not just that, she also emptied a bucket of water on me..

    Honestly speaking, i dont know why i acted the way i did, guess i did so cause i just wasnt used to having a girl ask me out, but now i’lld really appreciate and value a lady who’ld be bold enough to do so.. In short i need it NOW.. Nice Article Dear..

    • Warri Babe

      February 24, 2014 at 1:30 am

      looooooooool….

    • RM

      February 24, 2014 at 4:42 pm

      i pictured this story in my head as i was reading it hahhahahahahahhaha omg too funny….

    • Radiant

      February 24, 2014 at 5:48 pm

      Bless your heart for this story. Really funny and dramatic and innocent. LOL

    • DeGold

      March 1, 2014 at 6:08 am

      rotfl…send me an email!!!

  37. Random Yoruba Boy

    February 23, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Social media and anonymous comments have proven beyond doubt that their is really no difference between the genders beyond the physical organs…
    What pisses males off would piss females equally…
    Perhaps one group is just more expressive than the other (even that is variable).
    In every body’s history, there will be a time to woo and a time to be wooed….
    Those who are not loose enough to play the roles in which they find themselves have themselves to blame for the consequent sorrow.
    It takes humility to love somebody really….
    And if you have ever been rejected, you will know how painful it feels…
    And it will be sheer emptiness (Yoruba/non-Yoruba) to consider it something to “blab” about.
    Feelings are delicate…. Respect is priceless… Love is broadminded…
    By the way, I chased the babes and they were not worth it…
    But with the one who showed the green light (I ain’t color blind, fortunately)…
    I cannot compare the love we share with any other.
    Thank God I was not blind…

    • Agatha

      February 24, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      I like and agree with u RYB.

  38. Ammy

    February 23, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    LMAO Seriously, its nt bad to approach a guy u like as a grl but some men might just take you for granted, but i have actually seen relationship that has led into marriage with the lady being the first to approach the guy. You dnt have to go on and ask he guy out straight point, you cld just start as being frds and if he like you he might then ask you out.

  39. anonymous

    February 23, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    Choi pipi u r on point. ….saying yes fast sef is another trouble, men are hunters naturally, those who cant should consider being gay wr asking your partner out seemingly has no pattern….men are born hunters they wl go for whatever they like either for play or fr keeps. Yes lady by all means be graceful, and conscious in ur intent men can tell when a lady likes them more than half the time these days

    • pipi

      February 24, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      thanks for concurring that some Nigerian men have serious issues…. only u goes after a girl she agrees to date u after one week it is a problem.. anyway i dont think it is a norm, i think if u trully like someone even if she agrees the first day u meet her. When and were did we even get the idea….. that the idea relationship is when the guy chases her for one year and she finally agrees ( she wasnt just into him, half the time she settles). What happened to guy meets girl at the airport have a great coversation for hours, get home continue on the phone through out the week, then decide to go out for a date on the weekend an have thier first kiss and then spiral in love get enagaged 6 months later and get married a year later. (The chase and hunter thinking is very old and immature) time is too short for games… if u are lucky u meet someone that likes u and u like them

  40. nicholas

    February 23, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    not really a big deal

  41. SoChi

    February 24, 2014 at 12:04 am

    All the women that made a move had ideas that the guy liked them. I am every bit the modern woman but I know our guys love the chase. All this talk of he was too shy translates to he is not really that interested in dating you but he wants to be your friend. Or he likes someone else and just enjoys flirting with you. Bet me, give a guy green light (proper one) and see if he does not make a move. Women and putting themselves in silly situations.

    • Eve82

      February 24, 2014 at 3:10 am

      You have made a valid point. If a guy is into you, all you have to do is give the green light and the rest is history. If after the green light nothing happens, trust me, that one is not for you. Just keep it moving!

  42. Bell

    February 24, 2014 at 11:45 am

    *now singing* “….give me the green light… give me just one chance..”

  43. Ayreal

    February 24, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    i like dis dude alot, i cant even figure out y i’m so much attracted to him cos sincerely, he is not rlly my kinda guy plus i’m not rdy to get into anoda messy relationship. buh i cant just get this dude outta my mind. He isnt making dis so easy anyways cos he is jst not reading d chemistry and such a hard core…i’ve given up on him tho.*Smiles*

  44. amakazee

    February 24, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    Unfortunately in Nigeria, we have more douche bags than matured minded/civilized men, so lai! lai! will ever do that. I will give him the green light and if he is color blinded, i;ll go find me one who’s eyes are as bright as a Nigerian policeman’s touch light

  45. Annie

    February 24, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    hehehhehehhe, and my boyfriend just told me now that i gave him a bright green light if not he wouldn’t have asked, said he was 99.9% sure that i would say yes..lols

  46. Gezzel

    February 24, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    I tried it some tym ago and it worked.

  47. igbo boy

    February 24, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    Very, seriously I am certain this is not a big deal,
    8 years ago I just graduated from the university, feeling so high, after the wild life of the university I new I can get any girl I want, I told all my friends that I wont get married till I am like 35 after tasting all the waters (was 24 then) , I actually believed it . I was planning to go out with a couple of my friends they all had their girls except me, I was not worried as I knew I will get a girl any where ( I got the moves). My best friend introduced me to this regular street babe and practically begged me to hook up with her for the day (actually his girlfriends mum refused her going out without the younger sister- my suppose chick) I reluntantly accepted to hook up with her, she was this regular straight up babe, and totally not my type. all day long she was so nice to me always smiling and holding my hands, I was surprise, because I have known this girl all my life and I am sure I have not seen this part of her. she did everything to please me that day made me laugh all day (not use to this, typically that is my job). I gradually warmth up to her. I dont know the juju she used, but I decided that day that this is the right girl for me. Just like that today she is my wife with 2 sons, I married before all my friends (see me see 35 years am just 31 now), till now I tell her she use juju for me (lol), but I cannot think of my life without her, I love her so much. I thank God she hung on to me that day, otherwise I am sure I would never have noticed her in that way. she confess to me later that she had this heavy crush for me for a long time. (come to think of it, I am sure she told her mum to insist she goes out with us, I will ask her when I get home)
    so ladies there is no rules or laws, Love defies all, if you love a guy. go for him

    • miss moji

      February 24, 2014 at 7:09 pm

      AWWWWW….. so cute!

    • oj

      February 25, 2014 at 7:08 pm

      soooo sweet

    • mw

      March 2, 2014 at 3:54 pm

      Awwww…….u ‘re an ideal igbo man… God bless ur union

  48. [email protected]

    February 24, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    i presently do like this guy, infact i think i’m falling in love with him, a mutual friend of ours introduced us, and we have become fast friends. Dude has mentioned severally how attractive and smart he thinks i am, but thats all o! He has refused to make a move, i even casually asked him his take on a lady asking a guy out and he said he doesn’t like it, that a guy should do the chasing.
    so id rather catch pneumonia and die than tell him….whew

    • slice

      February 25, 2014 at 3:28 am

      me i’m not even sure how people keep these thots to themselves. I’d be dying to just tell him cause I don’t want to hear 5 years from now that he would have said something but bla bla bla. here’s one ploy for you, if you trust your mutual friend, ask the person to pretty much ask the guy about asking you out.

    • [email protected]

      February 25, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      thanks Slice, id muster the courage to ask our mutual friend what his intent is.

  49. Asake- Okin

    February 24, 2014 at 10:47 pm

    Couple of months ago, I wrote a similar post.. There is this gentleman i really like and he never made a move, to ask out or not to ask out came to my mind and i decided to write about it.. Two guys commented on the post and neither of them advised the lady to ask the guy out.
    Below is one of the comments
    “You don’t need to ask him out but u could ask him some questions about his plans and if it would involve you. Also u can let him know that spending time with him has made u become use to him in a good way. Truth be told he may be all nice but have commitment phobia. Also make him know you would like to define what’s going on between you two. It’s always good to know than to assume”

    Personally, I feel there can only be three answers
    1. Yes
    2. No
    3. Maybe or lets see how it goes..
    His demeanor will surely give him away if you are very observant

  50. Blesson

    February 25, 2014 at 8:26 am

    Been in a scenario where i so liked a guy at my job, His personality at work and physical appearance got me attracted to him the more. We met couple times either at the lounge room, elevator or parking lot , and all we do is smile at each-other or sometime say hi… even gave him that seductive smiles of mine too…( got lots of compliments that have got pretty smiles and it contagious too.. #dontjealousme).. more-so got quite number of Caucasians at my job tryna holla at me but he is the only black dude i secretly like,.. #dontblameme.. However, been looking for an opportunity where we could have a conversation but never happens..so i felt like maybe he doesn’t find me attractive or might be he’s in a relationship etc, then again am like how come others find me attractive and showing it one way and the other but he seem exceptional. Well one day, my team-mate and i were having a hearty convos, and one of my chatty friends was like they gotta hook me up with a white dude here, so am like ”excuse u” ”i like my black dudes plszzzz”..lol.. so i ended up telling them about this my cutie secret crush… and one of my TM said she was gonna make inquires about him and to my utmost surprise ..’ tick tock tick tock’..he happens to be an undercover Gay.. OMG i felt so heartbroken and sad…

    There are many ways you could signal to a man u have interest in without losing ur self respect as a lady. I would suggest, you first start been mutual friends, and when u see things working out positively, then u can switch to da intimate level.. again be sure he is also reciprocating the advancing or friendship, and if he is manly and smart. he would understand the whole concept and make a fast move.. then everything is history!!!

    • Taxes

      February 26, 2014 at 3:24 am

      all i can say is WOW!

  51. Femi

    February 25, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    Hello guys well I’m a bisexual Nigerian living in USA I was considering moving back to Nigeria Biko till I heard the 14 years law Biko I just stay put 4 USA well I have experienced this thing before as well it never really works out it’s better u stay has close friends is I’m s guy and I’m not feminine and from comments on bn it’s clear Africans don’t understand homosexuality

  52. zinnia

    February 25, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    Excuse me! Who asked you wether you are bisexual or not, And dont come back.
    but please do you mind understanding and comprehending an article before you comment

  53. Anon

    February 26, 2014 at 1:07 am

    Is asking for a definition in a relationship the same thing as making the first move? If it is then……..In my experience, we had some serious chemistry, we would talk for hours and totally forget about the time. The compatibility was crazy, I knew it, it was obvious he knew it, even people around noticed it. After connecting on differnt levels mutually I thought I could try to get definition of where we were headed since he hadn’t come out plain. It wasn’t what I expected and that hurts me each time I remember. And even if I feel he might have commitment issues, I wonder if it would have been different if I was a little patient.

  54. Cherry

    February 28, 2014 at 9:35 am

    i asked my Hunk of a man out and guess wht 8yrs of marriage and still counting wth 2 lovely kids. there is nothing wrong in it just b sure hes d rite guy.

  55. Cherry

    February 28, 2014 at 9:37 am

    i asked my Hunk of a man out and guess wht 8yrs of marriage and still counting wth 2 lovely kids. there is nothing wrong in it just b sure hes d rite guy he would definately b proud of u.

  56. Narnia

    February 28, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    Looool I really wish I had the guts to make a first move!!
    I’ve liked this guy baje…been on few dates, used to talk all the time
    all of a sudden communication stopped both ways! So putting my pride away
    I connected this dude and I wasn’t too impressed with his one word answers.
    I swear I coulda told the dude how I felt however I’m glad I didn’t
    At the end of the day I’ve fashied his arse but still think of him every now and
    then! But life goes on! U win some u lose some! If u have the guts go ahead
    but me oh ah no can do!

  57. Narnia

    February 28, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    The comments are killing me! Loooooool
    I love Nigerians man!! I love being Nigerian too

  58. cheechee

    March 2, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    im still the old fashion kinda person..I believe the men are the hunters.
    I read a book “rules girl” a couple of months back and in summary the book holds that ladies should know there is a man for every woman and the men are still in the business of doing the chase.
    well I’m a very shy person but I look very snobbish(well that’s what my mum says I don’t have friends to confirm if really I look that way).So I’m worried how this rules book will translate into my life. I almost tempted to ask any guy I fancy out.
    Super tired of waiting.

  59. Matil Bee

    March 7, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    Who can truly understand love? It just comes from ŊO̶̷̩̥̊͡ where and turns your world upside down. I must confess I’ve been in this situation, call it pride if you may but I’ve never been able †̥Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ ask a guy out. In ♏Ɣ mind I’m asking myself, what would he think O̶̷̩̊͡f ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥? Would he accept ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥ or make fun O̶̷̩̊͡f ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥? Men have ego the same as some women. I just couldn’t. Worse still if he regects ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥. I wouldn’t be able †̥Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ forgive ♏Ɣ self for stooping S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ low only †̥Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ be humiliated and all. Well I have never asked a guy out and I never hope †̥Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ do S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡. But some have and they are happily married with kids others have and they wish †̥Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ God they never did. I think it’s up †̥Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ the individual in question, if you have the guts pls shoot ur arrows right and if ƔU̶̲̥̅̊ don’t like chizzy said give him the green light with hopes that he wouldn’t be color blind †̥Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ see it and act.

  60. bee

    March 26, 2014 at 8:29 pm

    Very funny guy @ed Dreamz,immediately i saw his comment i realized he is the same one that comments on Linda,with all sorts of meaningless comments, and says “currently in Jupiter* at the end.Please sir get yourself brighter grammar as it has been suggested,it will do your life good.

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