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Let’s Talk About It! Only Dating People Who School or Live Abroad

BellaNaija.com

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Gbemi Olateru-Olagbegi - July 2013 - BellaNaija (3)

We have heard about the IJGB – I Just Got Back cool kids, the Front Seat debate, and now – only dating people who school or live abroad? Another day, another clique.

Media personality Gbemi Olateru-Olateru shared an interesting point via her official Twitter account – people who have schooled and lived abroad only dating people who have schooled and lived abroad.

BellaNaijarians, have you noticed this trend with friends or family members? Let’s talk about it!

122 Comments

  1. goldfinch

    May 10, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    I read something similar to this topic here.

    wordsmithjournal.wordpress.com/2014/04/19/the-truth-coming-back-home-to-nigeria-to-find-a-wife-a-response/

    • gorgeous

      May 11, 2014 at 10:47 am

      Do you blame them? Who wants to marry a family where they will hear you go out for dinner with friends or just go out for a drink. All you hear is “OMG don’t marry that girl she goes to clubs so she’s a prostitute”. Hahahahahha, Nigerian mentality is something you really do t want to have to deal with. The less of an influence the better o jare. It’s hard enough marrying into a family where your inlaws are limited and unexposed to the things you don’t see as a big deal. Then your husband? That sounds like living in hell and bondage to me. Let’s not even go to where they feel you are rude or too big because you have lived abroad. Just the general hate and insecurity inborn in most Nigerians. It’s unpleasant

    • omalichaspeaks.blogspot.com

      May 11, 2014 at 1:42 pm

      I actually haven’t noticed the trend, maybe cos I haven’t paid much attention to it. It’s really nobody’s business who people choose to date.
      Are your expectations about dating and marriage realistic? Click my name to read more and share your thoughts.

  2. SOOZIE

    May 10, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    wo, that’s their business na. how can u come and tell us to start talking about how people choose to date? na wah o… are you that useless to yourself?

    • Kili

      May 10, 2014 at 10:17 pm

      Why so rude though?

    • AnnieBella

      May 10, 2014 at 11:32 pm

      Soozie leave me alone oo. Rotflmao!

  3. tee

    May 10, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    I wont even lie I have thought abt that…. its close minded but ill just rather date people in my pool.

    • Kili

      May 10, 2014 at 10:23 pm

      I understand dating people in your pool (which is normal) but should it be a MUST for you especially on something as this. Is it a thing of status? Is it an intentional decision or it happens subconsciously?

    • Xoxo

      May 11, 2014 at 4:02 pm

      It’s subconscious.. Shared experiences tend to bring people together. And almost everyone in my social circle lives(d) or schools(ed) abroad, so it just happens..
      However, the reverse is also the case. I’m sure there are guys who won’t date me cos I spent a lot of my formative years living abroad and so now my “mind don weyre (spelling?)” as my uncle would put it. He feels I have picked up errant ideologies that are not typical to the Nigerian culture therefore, I’ve been “spoiled” (for example, my fiance does the cooking cos I don’t like to, and I know someone here is going to judge me for that and try to advice me – as usual lol). And I’m sure many men will agree with my uncle.. So it goes both ways.

    • mee

      May 11, 2014 at 12:04 am

      i would do that too but at the same time God always has better plans.you sometimes never know where your blessings will come from. I try to be open to every opportunity and not narrowing in on a particular set of people to avoid disappointment in the future..

    • bb

      May 11, 2014 at 11:46 am

      Tony elumelu, fashola, joathan, amaechi, dangote (egypt), ob lulu briggs, adenuga, did not school abroad.

    • Chimamanda's Main Squeeze

      May 12, 2014 at 9:58 am

      How do you know they are good partnerS??? Did we say people that schooled in Nigeria make bad leaders? Or money/affluence are your only criteria??? Olodo

  4. stupidityslayer

    May 10, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    It’s nobody’s business who people wish to date. To be honest, I find too many Nigerians difficult to talk to. I find it hard to reason with them. But that’s just me, others have their own opinions

    • White man lover

      May 13, 2014 at 9:49 pm

      Not just you honey! Same with me, I can totally relate. Even here in the UK I avoid them like bees! So it isn’t about being in Nigeria cos even sobe if the ones here are just as bad

  5. thatgidigirl

    May 10, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    first of, what is happening around gbemi’s eyes in the picture? is that highlighting too?

    • Anon

      May 11, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      Yes. The inglorious panda eyes.

    • sisi

      May 12, 2014 at 8:45 am

      that i will call ‘bright lighting’. kilode???????

  6. Soraya

    May 10, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    Nothing wrong with that- long distance relationships really don’t work and personally, I don’t trust Nigerian men- if you aren’t around to keep an eye on them, what’s the point???

  7. Kili

    May 10, 2014 at 10:15 pm

    Whatever rocks anybody’s boat really! So far the essence of dating is still achieve ( which I think is love and companionship IMO). However, I am wondering why anyone would want to do that, Isn’t that isolation and discrimination wrapped in one? Well, different strokes for different folks.

  8. memebaby

    May 10, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    My friend who moved to CA in her teens says the same thing too.. she won’t date naija guys that don’t school or live abroad and I think is because one’s thinking changes. You know, there are certain things a typical naija man may not understand and vice versa. And dating someone just coz they traveled or schooled abroad is just plain shallow..

  9. anonymous

    May 10, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    Yep! I definitely only date people who schooled abroad .. u can relate to each other better..and yes I have dated guys who have never left naija and there is a clear difference. I was unfortunately seen as atmgirlfriend even though I worked like crazy in the US

  10. laide

    May 10, 2014 at 11:05 pm

    mehn ..even though it sounds shallow, I am also interested in people who have schooled abroad like me.

  11. Wifey

    May 10, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    My first thought – this sounds childish and a bit elitist. It also has a bit of colonial brainwashing. Overseas good, Africa bad. But to each his own. lol

  12. Confer

    May 10, 2014 at 11:46 pm

    Someone did not get the same opportunity as you, and you discriminate against them when it comes to marriage? Na una big o. People that have that mentality I don’t even want to marry if I fit their criteria.

  13. understand

    May 10, 2014 at 11:49 pm

    ok, just read the article cited by goldfinch. I can understand this better now. Its a matter of finding someone that you have a lot of things in commone with. I can understand that.

  14. D

    May 10, 2014 at 11:56 pm

    For some people, the decision not to date someone who hasn’t been/lived/schooled abroad stems from the idea that you want to be with someone who has a broadened world view and vision. (Not everyone who has been/lived/schooled abroad is so, by the way). But I find more frequently, that even some people who gave never set foot abroad, are as enlightened and have as a broad a vision, as others.
    The era of abroad=better enlightened (in all situations) is coming to an end/ended.
    My two cents.

  15. The Force

    May 11, 2014 at 12:24 am

    You know what, I have never really thought about it, but I guess I’d rather. Not because I’m shallow or whatever but as Tee said you date “people in your pool”. Another thing though, I’d rather you have that foreign exposure. Living in Nigeria all your life doesn’t allow you to see the full picture.

  16. Wemimo

    May 11, 2014 at 12:32 am

    Am goin to sit on d fence here but I will rather date a man I will see every time … I mean a man in my class…

    • belinda

      May 23, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      And what ‘class’ were you ma whilst in Naija before your Brooklyn sojourn????
      Nonsense! everybody coming here to form crap.

  17. Koko

    May 11, 2014 at 1:12 am

    This is hilarious, I went to boarding school in England at the age of 13 and I would say that i would certainly not favour a guy because he went to school abroad that young, personally it works against them in general imo. I guess it depends on the individual but personally I like Nigerian guys that sound and act Nigerian (by act Nigerian I mean someone who is quick to identify as a nigerian and does’t call everyone who doesn’t pronounce salmon properly raz for example) and I find some of the idiosyncrasies of the Nigerians that are educated (esp during secondary school) in England quite annoying, like why do u have an English accent? I don’t. I assume u learned how to talk before u left Nigeria? It’s kind of like those AIS kids, living in Lagos, going to school in VI and talking in an American accent idk maybe it’s just me. And also, when a girl exhibits some ‘ajebudder’ tendencies they can largely be overlooked, albeit with a side-eye every now and again, but when a man seems that way it is so effete in an extremely off-putting way. It seems to me that some of the men that were educated abroad from an early age (in England especially) seem this way. However I think it is way worse when a guy who only did his Masters abroad won’t be with a woman who hasn’t been educated abroad. Now THAT is something to talk about.

    • hello

      May 15, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      sister koko. pls chop kiss.. hope thats not too razz. lol. i actually like nigerian guys.. aspa true nigerian guys well i like nigerian girls too. i dont get how a guy/girl who only spent 3 to 4 years abroad would come back with an accent. bear in mind that they come home every summer/winter. well i have come to realize that the accent is usually formed when around people they are trying to oppress or impress. my friends do it. i would never do it. anyways what i hate the most are nigerian boys who come back and start acting fake and gay and all of that. its not cute or cool. maybe its my type of person but well thats how i see it. however i would always say one should date someone in their own pool so if u are a fake brit-nigerian(ajebutter) or whatever country u are coming from. please date u fellow fake dude. it leaves more real nigerian men for we the ladies who want something real.

  18. anon kwenu

    May 11, 2014 at 1:24 am

    i agree with you tee, its not necessary shallow minded but mentalities are different most of the time(not all.)when youve lived/school abroad for so long you become liberal about a lot of things.
    Doesnt mean they are better than the ones you schoold in nigeria. it boils than to prefrence

  19. gyann

    May 11, 2014 at 1:34 am

    pic is distracting. Highlights abi na contour for face no blend in well, lots of white patches.

  20. Nina

    May 11, 2014 at 2:04 am

    This is too true… it’s a Lagos trend. Everybody knows this is true…even Abuja people began emulating it.

  21. SpeakNoEvil

    May 11, 2014 at 2:41 am

    If some people are only going to date people who have lived/schooled “abroad,” I hope they also give our brothers and sisters schooling/living in Ghana a chance. After all, all na abroad. People have their preferences, but to blacklist a huge chunk of the Nigerian population simply because of some superficial nonsense reeks of ignorance and snobbery. This can be likened to the “white man’s ice” analogy. We have smart, intelligent, and good looking men and women, who have not been abroad, in Nigeria and the truth is that they don’t need those snobs in their lives; they can do waaaaaay better.

  22. Dolly

    May 11, 2014 at 3:10 am

    Its kinda small minded to think that way but i must confess i’m sort of guilty. After dating all kind of races except Nigerians for over 7 years, i’m thinkin of finding one now but with a clause. He must have lived or schooled abroad at some point, why? i need that core African mentality a lil’ loosened.

    Now for other people reasons might vary, it might be for citizenship, greener pastures, I belong attitude or that myopic thought that everyone abroad is rich. Hopefully i find one soon and visit Nigeria after 10yrs, damn where you at my naija man?

    • Temi

      May 11, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      Hey Dolly, I’m here, I dated all kind of races too, I’m all you want, find me already!

  23. Sandii Love

    May 11, 2014 at 4:00 am

    omo see self hate at its finest na. hahaha! but then again abroad fit be Iran, Iraq, Afgan, Egypt, Ghana, Mali, Sierra Leone, Senegal. Abroad fit be anywhere. Its sad to hate your own people but to each his own.

    • Jane

      May 11, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      stop typing rubbish what has self hate got to do with it, nobody talked of race or colour………it is the same as Graduates not wanting to marry the uneducated or semi-educated

  24. name

    May 11, 2014 at 4:57 am

    Yeah! I would rather not too. The main reason being that the mentality difference is often significant . Too much stress abeg! Case closed!!!

  25. Nana

    May 11, 2014 at 5:18 am

    I live in the US, so I can’t say I have first hand knowledge of what you are talking about, but I lived in 9ja for some time and I know that it is a very elitist place. However, in the US, the trend for men is to “date up,” specifically minority men who are not regarded highly generally speaking in the US dating up by dating Caucasians, biracial and Latino women to climb some psychological/socioeconomic ladder. No one wants to be brought down by hooking up with a socially less than partner, but that is a big problem for African Americans because many of their guys are in jail or are bums, so there are slim pickings left and the few successful ones go for the earlier mentioned types of women they can find . Guys wants to appear with their babe on their arm and have jaws dropping. Girls want to cruise in in their guy’s private jet and have people fainting. So, it all boils down to greed and lack of contentment with the person’s character, which is what really matters and not if they live(d) or schooled abroad or if they are considered a catch by a social climber…

  26. rossy-petite

    May 11, 2014 at 5:27 am

    Well, I dont know if thats true. When I travel abroad and return I’ll let you know my opinion. *Winks*

  27. bukky

    May 11, 2014 at 5:41 am

    Slow news day, uhn?

  28. Kina

    May 11, 2014 at 7:13 am

    I think people will naturally gravitate towards their own kind. I mean Love does cut across class and sometimes gender, but it’s rare because you probably don’t have much in common with them thus you don’t hang out with them. Money has the magical ability of crossing the great class divide.

  29. @edDREAMZ

    May 11, 2014 at 8:14 am

    Ur choice, ur business and ur life doesnt concern anyone else, if thats what yu want then go after it as simple as A.B.C…
    .
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  30. me2me

    May 11, 2014 at 8:50 am

    O yes I have noticed the foolish trend. The stupid thing is that these same mentality they think they have in common no de catch. They can break up ehn,lol. And point of correction there is nothing and I mean absolutely nothing elitist about schooling abroad. Most people who schooled in Nigeria our parents are way richer than theirs, in fact when you check it, we the children are still richer. Its not by driving big car or leaving on the island. When you go for dinner with all them friends they will be passing bill around. How about I just pay for it already let’s move on. Anyway I know some very humble ones who would rather not make so much noise, in fact they even threw their accents away.

    • Amdi

      May 11, 2014 at 11:25 am

      Take it easy…

    • Iphie

      May 15, 2014 at 11:49 am

      lol

    • James

      May 11, 2014 at 11:32 am

      I schooled and lived abroad for many years but I prefer Nigerian women, who did not school abroad. They bring a certain innocence to the relationship that I just find facinating and healthy for a relationship. In the past, I have struggled to date women, who schooled abroad, especially, the U.S, where I had also lived. I think the reason is because they have also being exposed to the same environment as me. The same reason why some people prefer to date and marry foreigners.

      In any case, everyone to their own. For me, I love my Nigerian women bred in Nigeria.

    • Call me Gorgeous...

      May 12, 2014 at 11:18 am

      Hi James… I think I like you already……:) Let us hook up….

    • grown child

      May 11, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      this is the mentality that makes this statement ring true…………. best to date only ur kind. why should one person foot the bill, why cant everyone carry their weight and pay for their meal. you hav just proven that Nigerian and a foreign mixed mentality are different

    • nosey

      May 11, 2014 at 1:12 pm

      I sense a hint of jealousy. I’m sure if your parents could afford it you would have jumped at the opportunity to school abroad, stop fronting like it does not bother you. Stop hating on us and tarring us all with the same brush. Anyway, its obvious you didn’t school abroad sha, all I see is bad grammar and grammatical errors…..

    • you

      May 11, 2014 at 4:32 pm

      No, we would rather not let one person pay for it and move on. Each person has to pay for what he/she ate and let it be a shared responsibility. So that you don’t go about eating what you cannot afford and have an entitlement mentality if it does not come your way. Or where do you think Nigerians get this entitlement mentality from? Someone should be responsible for me. Why don’t we all be responsible for ourselves and pay for what we do or in this instance eat? Please stop that habit if you have imbibed it. Let people be responsible so that they don’t overdo things. When I go to the restaurant to eat, I buy only what I can afford and if I want something but cannot afford it, I think of working very hard to be able to cough out the money needed not waiting for someone else to do it for me. That way I am responsible for myself while also contributing to the economy as a whole. If you have been paying for others, STAAAP IT except there is the unwritten rule amongst yourselves that pay for the bill turn by turn as some guys do it in naija.

    • Zizie

      May 11, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      I also find that passing bill around worrisome, when one or two persons can sort out the bill and we settle later.

    • SeunD

      May 12, 2014 at 5:36 am

      lol. that’s the Nigerian mentality. Collect Medal for being richer.

    • Chimamanda's Main Squeeze

      May 12, 2014 at 10:13 am

      LMAOOOO!!! Yes, proof that Naija mentality is F****d!!! Look at you already weighing pockets! The last time I checked, the real elitists send their children abroad so please if you’re not Adenuga or Dangote, don’t come and start forming “richer”. Pauper mentality. Jealous soul. Get some exposure- SCHOOL ABROAD! Maybe constant power supply for 4 years will enlighten you.

      @Zizie, you think about why you have issues with the bill being split on the spot if you think it can be settled later? Why part with money just to prove a point that you don’t do it at the table? Funny! I guess if we went out together, I can safely assume you’ll be the payer at the table LOL. Oshisko.

    • Ready

      May 12, 2014 at 5:48 pm

      Well, this went south fast.

  31. Tawo

    May 11, 2014 at 9:09 am

    I think it’s wrong to go out with a mind closed that you will only date people who have lived and schooled abroad at some point but I can totally relate with the challenge of people who haven’t especially the males.
    For starts I am dating a guy I met abroad while doing my masters, we both back to the country and still going strong, two years down the line! I did both undergrad and postgrad abroad . However I have lots of friends in Nigeria and was frequently visiting during my time of study.
    The bitter truth is exposure of travelling abroad expands your mind and most young people in Nigeria that haven’t travelled abroad can’t fathom this. Asides having things in common like we have said, even the approach to life, the level of ambition, and attitude to a lot of things is influenced for better. Something that is difficult to find in guys who haven’t janded, except they read a lot !

    Please let’s keep the balance, with all this said, there are still tons of guys who have lived abroad and still act like ju men and guys and girls who haven’t crossed the border who have minds that are well stretched and act like they have when indeed they haven’t. Hence I will not advise anyone to go out sifting your partner with a criterion like the one mentioned above, give room for someone to surprise you. You might find someone too good to be true!

  32. Og

    May 11, 2014 at 10:05 am

    @me2me u just cracked me up.lol

  33. Olori Tari

    May 11, 2014 at 10:30 am

    Funny how just a few days ago I was having a conversation with my mum, about how some Nigerians who haven’t lived anywhere else reason – you just know you are not on the same page with them. And we used how people who are disabled are perceived/treated in Nigeria and this whole “I must force you into a religion” matter as case studies. << Leads me to the only problem I might have with this issue.

    The only problem I have is that a lot of Nigerians are too narrow minded and they have this kind of mentality that makes me wonder if they realise we are in a DIVERSE WORLD ! Sometimes, I have convos with some people and I just want to appear in front of them to shout "ENLIGHTEN YOUR DAMN SELF" please. I think they forget we all have different norms and values and for that reason alone, they forget to view things from different perspectives. Also, this whole marrying from this typical Nigerian families dey fear me sef..just last month they showed my friend because "she isn't wife material enough or should I say not "yorubatic" enough.

    That being said, I cannot use this as a yardstick for choosing a partner. I mean the whole mentality thing drives me insane at times but generalisation isn't always a good thing, so I will like to think Not everyone is like that. I mean some people in this UK have refused to enlighten themselves too, so it's easy to say you get enlightened if you make a conscious effort too. Dear future husband in Nigeria, you better be making a conscious effort to change all that mindset…LOL

    Apart from that, there is no big deal at all, NO "experience" is that great anywhere in the world that puts you in another league.

  34. tomiwa

    May 11, 2014 at 10:45 am

    Well said me2me.Its never about where you schooled, its what you learnt!

  35. Amh

    May 11, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Childish stuffs. Very immature. I live abroad with a very high income and luxury lifestyle. The kids abroad are the strugglers. The kids in nigeria are usually richer than those who managed to study abroad with scholarship. . To the annoynymous thst says theres a diffrence i in what manner please, i beg to differ, studying a broad for 2 yrs or more does not change your personality nor your status. Very silly childish behavoir. The ones at home are richer. Tend to treat a lady well thanthe broke ass struggling abroad. With the exception of few.

    • Chimamanda's Main Squeeze

      May 12, 2014 at 10:16 am

      So you think most of us schooled here with scholarship??? Lmaoooo!!! WOW. Ode plenty in Naija oh! We need a better university system because this foolishness is much.
      How do you know that you’re richer than us? Lol… I can’t!!! LOLLLL… See, you and @me2me need full scholarship to ordinary Barnet College so you can learn a thing or two. Tufi!

    • Deedar

      May 12, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      Why so angry??? Sniping at everyone all over the place. Chill.

  36. mwahmwah

    May 11, 2014 at 11:43 am

    i thinks its all about finding someone you have shared interests and experiences with. many interracial copules exsist from many different backgrounds but seem to make it work despite lack of foreign exposure. i personally know a naija girl with little or no foreign education( terrible spoken english but warm lovely heart) married to a white guy from america but he is smitten with her and her with him why..LOVE! they just like eachothers company and get along great. so its whats on the inside that matters o. Abroad exposure or not, if y’all don’t share a real deep connection, it ain’t gonna matter if he school in havard, oxford or yale. he could be okokomaiko or ogbomosho at heart even if he schooled his whole life abroad.

  37. Amaka

    May 11, 2014 at 11:52 am

    And yet they complain everyday that there are no good men to marry. You shrink your dating pool to a hand full of people. Good luck!

  38. Born to thrive

    May 11, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    I know how elitist this statement can sound be but really it boils down to dating in your own pool. I was raised ‘abroad’ and came to Nig only to be shocked at the difference in mentality btw Nig men and Nig men abroad. I found it has little to do with wealth and more to do with mentality. I would rather date someone who has more reason to be ‘exposed’ than a very rich Nigerian man that has not been as ‘exposed’ as myself. Very few Nig men have as liberal a take on certain things because the culture does not foster it. It is not a critique but it is a difference. I have seen it firsthand with my friends and after the glitz and furry of the spark of the relationship it boils down to differences based on different viewpoints aka speaking different languages.

  39. ScarletXianne

    May 11, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Shebi na date una talk? Let someone come and tell me they will not marry someone unless they have schooled abroad, then I will them they are not ready. Such shallow-mindedness!

    • CEO

      May 12, 2014 at 10:51 am

      Thank you o jare. best thing i’ve heard so far

    • AREA CODE

      May 13, 2014 at 4:56 pm

      GBAM GBAM GBAMMEST!! dem never jam ,make them siddon till they grow grey hair waiting for Mr abroad. yea I schooled abroad but I choose to be happy ,so if the i schooled in naija guy comes and his low self esteem won’t allow him ask me out I will jejely waka till I see the one who is bold enough too . have friends in naija that earn more and very much intelligent than some of my abroad friends.

  40. pynk

    May 11, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Many people are getting the whole concept wrong. It mostly about the socialisation process. To a certain extent your formative years are between 15 and say 25. The society you live in determines your expectations and outlook. The stereotypical popular unilag babe might be highly materialistic and expect the man to be the primary contributor as she likely had her father pay her way through university and boyfriends along the way who are also Nigerian socialised dont have a problem with giving her an allowance. Now match her with the american socialised guy.who has been splitting date bills halfway with all the previous babes he dated because they both struggled. In this scenario, the dude will say the babe is materialistic, babe will say dude is cheap and stingy.

    So there are many reasons why its emotionally cheaper to deal with that which you can understand. The socialisation process heavily influences our value systems. Shared value systems make for happier couplings.

    • Atilade

      May 12, 2014 at 11:19 am

      correct and so on point! gbam!!!

  41. Changing Faces

    May 11, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    They want to date/marry people that have lived or schooled abroad, when them wait tire, they begin to hustle for mere unexposed Nigerians… like Ifemelu after living and schooling abroad came back and took Ceiling (Americanah) 🙂

  42. mrs chidukane

    May 11, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    Personally I think it’s a bit foolish because you could end up ignoring your soulmate because he doesn’t immediately meet your schooled abroad /been abroad criteria. At the end of the day, do you want love and happiness or do you want status? FYI I’ve read and heard stories of Naija men abroad that beat their wives, kill/maim their wives and all what not so saying that being abroad changes your mentality,makes the guy liberal minded, this one that one,makes you enlightened is not always true. For me the most important criteria for marriage is Character.

  43. Me

    May 11, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Ina see makeup, hian.

  44. niki

    May 11, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    But why do some people think that because they haven’t acquired accent after a while.. no one else should. Who makes them a measuring stick. Like other façtors such as friends, state, school all adds. People are individuals and this is their life not govt policies so why are people talking about discrimination. This is someone u want to marry and stay with for life. Tbh, ppl might have this views for diff reasons. Its not black/white.

  45. Mujer

    May 11, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    No decent male or female deserves the curse of someone dating or talking to you because of a perception of your status in life. It is a curse from hell because they will never see through to the real you, will never appreciate the real you, and when the real you decides to dominate, they will hate your guts because you probably dont look like what they want to see when they are looking at your status. Many failed marriages and unhappy young people in abusive relationships and we wonder why? too much faking. I am yet to see genuine people fall apart. But the fake live to have strings/scores of failed and woefully abysmal relationships because they just aint looking for people. They are looking for a concept, an idea, a description, a cover, an outfit to be discarded, a thing, a perception, something not human!!

  46. Naija Realist

    May 11, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    Jobless people – all around. [email protected]

  47. Author Unknown

    May 11, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    The irony of it all is that most Nigerians that have lived abroad for any significant period of time only passed through those Western societies, but those societies never quite passed through them. Most of them live within Nigerian communities, with occasional interactions with non-Nigerians (especially at work). Nigerians home and abroad are not that different, trust me. I’m all for dating someone with a mentality that flows with yours, but we all know that’s not what’s going on here. No wonder y’all are so unhappy. Sorry.

  48. olajumoke

    May 11, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    Siddon there dey wait for person wey school abroad!!! If God has said your hubby/wife is in Nigeria, be forming abroad zone there, until your hair starts turning grey, you go know..nonsense!

  49. nene

    May 11, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    *raising my hands* guilty as charged. i only date and mingle with people who have similar life experiences as me, and most of these people schooled abroad, some live there, so they have a different mentality from the average nigerian who lives in nigeria and schools here. few times i tried to branch out i had to deal with jealous girls who were from poor and middle class homes. one guy even told me that i was dumb because i schooled abroad..lol, and i went to the university of chicago, and he hasn’t heard of it, so since i am not in harvard or stanford (the only two schools nigerians know about) then i’m dumb. i stay in my lane with those people who understand me and share similar stories and experiences with me. shikena

    • Anon

      May 12, 2014 at 8:58 am

      “i am not in harvard or stanford (the only two schools nigerians know about)”

      Very false assertion.

    • mrs chidukane

      May 12, 2014 at 9:13 am

      How can you say Nigerians only know about Harvard and Stanford,haba.Why is it that you people that live abroad always feel the average Nigerian is stupid and clueless? Being ignorant of a different country and culture is not limited to Nigerians you know. I know Americans that don’t know the Star spangled banner. How many people abroad know that Africa is a continent and not a Country? How many Americans or british people can name 3 Universities in Africa or even 2 in Nigeria? Please let’s take it easy. We know you guys think you’re superior to us cos you live abroad and we’re ‘doomed ‘ to Nigeria BUT this pompous, over sabi, elitist feeling will not get you any fans abeg.

  50. DocDeola

    May 11, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Why is there such a huge inferiority complex….morality is lost, all is packaging, skin colour, who your father is, even if he is a world class thief….it’s tiring. It’s all over the world, but seems to be heightened in poverty engendered Nigeria, very few are confident and proud to be themselves, rich or poor.

  51. i no send

    May 11, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    self hate perhaps??..i mean someone like say Gideon Okeke (tinsel)who as far as his bio goes never schooled or lived abroad but enlightened and progressive thinking i wouldn’t date??? people wonder why they are still single or divorced when they don’t reason with what they have been blessed with which hopefully is a brain…

  52. Cyntiki

    May 11, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    Is a matter of choice

  53. chi-e-z

    May 11, 2014 at 6:24 pm

    rude topic, rude comments. can’t deal. is it any1’s business who you love…abegi kmt

  54. huummm

    May 11, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    BN weddings confirms that notion.

  55. meo

    May 11, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    Dating people who have studied/lived abroad is just an illusion, it doesn’t deter the fact that divorce rate among so called celebs are at an alarming rate

    Being elite is good, but it ain’t wisdom.

  56. peyton

    May 11, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    people actually do this????? sad too sad

  57. yellowb

    May 11, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    It may not be a conscious decision but your tastes change for the simple reason that your mindset has broadened. A lot of guys travel abroad and become open minded starting from their views of gays and racism and so on. College is a defining period in your life where you find yourself and what may have seemed so bad before doesn’t really matter anymore. no one wants to be with someone who is more narrow minded than them because they will feel judged. for that reason, people who study abroad PREFER to date guys who studied abroad as well.

  58. Ossy

    May 11, 2014 at 9:12 pm

    When dey r 25 and fresh from one abroad university, dey do dat shakara, when dey nack 28, dey come down to guys dat studied in cyprus, ghana and malaysia, once dem clock 30, na OAU, UNLIAG, FUTO, 32, absu, imsu, osu once 35 reach, laspotech, yabatech, crutech, once dm nack 40 dem go say education nor matter, its d xter dat counts…ladies and gents, d way u fry plantain, na so u go chop am o…

    • goldfinch

      May 12, 2014 at 8:02 am

      LMAO
      This really had me in stitches

    • Olori Tari

      May 12, 2014 at 10:19 am

      LMAOOOOO I LOVE YOU !!!

    • nosey

      May 12, 2014 at 11:28 am

      LOL!!!! Comment of the day!

    • Iphie

      May 15, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      Chai! chai|!

  59. TT

    May 11, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    I can only date people who schooled in England. It might sound elitist but there is such a big difference. Most of the people I grew up with all went to England and you just get used to being around certain people.

    Maybe i’m generalising, but guys who schooled in Nigeria tend to have this chip on their shoulder mentality. Like, they try to dominate more. Almost as if they want to show me by force that i’m not better than them (even though I don’t think I am).

    The ones who go to school in America and Canada tend to be akatas

    So yeah, as a result, I’ve decided just to date guys who went to school in England. And even then, theres a difference between those that went early (year 7, year 9, year 11) to those that went for university. I know it sounds snobbish but trust me there is.

    • Ohgawd

      May 12, 2014 at 10:50 am

      GOODLUCK….you will be single for a long time then…I will send you pillows to keep you company…#onlydatepeoplewhoschooledinengland….long hiss

    • belinda

      May 23, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      I schooled in Nigeria and am married to a British-Nigerian who only visited Nigeria for the first time at age 27. All her education and degree’s were from the UK/US whilst mine na all Naija. We are based in Nigeria and very happy. Though am well traveled and dated loads of foreign nationals in my time, its the core of character traits that attracted us to each other not where we schooled. And oh, we married while she was 29, so don’t say she was desperate….Lol

  60. Mabel

    May 12, 2014 at 12:57 am

    It has nothing to do with a clique. When you have lived abroad you are used to different ideas, and your belief system changes to some degree. I think these people may find that trying to bridge the gap with someone who does not have the same mentality may be too exhausting. For example, many men who have lived abroad have no grouse with doing housework and cooking dinner a few nights a week, many men who have never left Nigeria see these activities as solely ‘women’s work’.

    • ojie

      May 12, 2014 at 11:15 am

      There are some men who do house work, but I get the general point you are making

  61. boye

    May 12, 2014 at 3:10 am

    for the longest time, me i held and still partially hold this view. I am sorry, but exposure is important. The view the average nigerian holds on political, social and religious topics could be very frustrating for someone who hasn’t been in that environment for years. Its like speaking a completely different language. Its not about the social class, finer things, connections or even dating up. I and many of my friends are on partial scholarships and we work. So its not like we are trying to be elitist. But the point is, we have different experiences. Believe me, i have dated men who have never left nigeria, It is not easy to date someone you cant agree with on major and minor issues. After the last break up, I decided i would not be dating men who have never left the shores of nigeria, because i simply could not take the close minded, controlling, religious hypocrisy anymore. That being said, i am currently dating a man who has never left Nigeria, but is exposed, rational and honest. A man who is secure in who he is, and not intimidated by my degrees or where i got them from.

    • Iphie

      May 15, 2014 at 12:19 pm

      awww. . .Nice to know.

  62. Homa

    May 12, 2014 at 7:49 am

    Jonathan? Dangote? You are bringing up grandparents that are married. Talk about their unmarried children. How many of them schooled abroad and how many out of that number do not subconsciously think like that?

  63. Lola

    May 12, 2014 at 8:29 am

    I live in the states, have for about 13yrs and my Fiancé who also lives here has only been here 2 years so I must say I understand people with that train of thought because sometimes our differences in opinion are just exhausting. I always feel like if he had resided longer here or grew up here like I did he would understand me better. He also attributes what he sees as my shortcomings to the fact that I grew up here. Even though I understand, I do feel there is a modicum of snobbery to having that frame of mind though.

  64. A.G

    May 12, 2014 at 9:30 am

    I work in Nigeria and i travel only for holiday. The guy i’m dating schools and lives in England. Is my case different?

  65. izzy

    May 12, 2014 at 9:32 am

    #doroOSSY…ur *head is there. I no mind your contact biko*covers face*

    • ossy

      May 12, 2014 at 10:21 am

      [email protected] inbox me ur pin or number do av a fruitful monday

  66. Av

    May 12, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Trust me ! Ive been there. You meet a very cool dude who has lived his whole life abroad or had his ist degree or even just MSc. sef and the next question after your name goes like this ‘what school did you finish from?’ God bless your soul it’s Unilag, UNIBEN or even IMSU. He then goes like ‘ohh!
    My dear! don’t wait for a call after that day cos you prolly wouldn’t find it. It’s obvious ya outta his league. Just saying!!

  67. Ohgawd

    May 12, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Very interesting topic and very insightful comments…

    I met a guy a while ago…we got on very well…but i discovered he wanted to date in his own pool…the I just got back pool…did i begrudge him for it…yes…did i understand why…yes and No…at this time I was very exposed but i must confess that in the last 8 years since i have expanded my mind by travelling, schooling and living abroad…I understood where he came from…his experiences were different from mine…we had the same passions and interests but we were different…our values were different…our hobbies were far removed…he liked skiing, lolll….nah i do not want to be zipping down snow…might build a snowman but tharrisit…and i definitely was not interested in some of the things he had interest in…

    Now prior to him, I dated someone else who had lived abroad too, he was very Nigerian…more nigerian than me sef…I cannot speak my native language and he was very good at this, he taught me to speak a bit, he exposed me to books and experiences and he is still my friend because he did not judge me for not knowing the things he knew…he wanted to learn from me just as much and I from him…but he did marry from his pool too…

    The bottomline is be open, do not shrink your dating pool (like its not hard enough already)…..it is the attitude the individual has to being different that matters…do not miss out of life trying to keep up with the things that do not really matter…does this person understand me, respect me and our difference, accepts me, do we have common VALUES not just EXPERIENCES…yes? yes? yes?…good…nothing else matters…

    • Deedar

      May 12, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Very well said.

  68. ojie

    May 12, 2014 at 11:13 am

    I see her angle. I agree and disagree. I agree because, yes, you have more things in common. I disagree because, there are some fucking wealthy and exposed people who for some reason or the other didn’t just school abroad. Also… there are some other people, who although might not have been able to afford it, but are still fun to hang out with. It goes both ways really. I suppose, it is just having something equal with the person really

  69. ojie

    May 12, 2014 at 11:19 am

    Personally, I try to be open to all folks irrespective of where you schooled because I am curious that way. However, it is easier with someone who schooled abroad because you have a common ground to work on. It is also true that when you go abroad ( assuming you immerse yourself, because trust me there are some Nigerians who go abroad and come back and you CANNOT see any sign of it), there is a change in attitude etc. It is just easier i suppose

  70. CEO

    May 12, 2014 at 11:45 am

    Reading a lot of these comments just made me realize how shallow we Nigerians are. Then again if you’re talking about dating, its a shallow business after all. Wait till its time for marriage, then people will begin to eat their humble pie.

    I have met people who lived and schooled abroad and still have some of these “mentalities” people are complaining about. let me tell you something, this changes NOTHING about a person. some of these people are even “busher” than their counterparts in Nigeria.

    I have also met people who have never schooled or lived abroad or haven’t ever gone abroad and they are very much enlightened and exposed. Exposure doesnt come by entering oyibo land and having a taste of winter. There are many bush Nigerians living abroad including those in our generation. Exposure comes from a conscious effort to constantly educate yourself about the world that we live in and its cultures and a commitment to align your behavior to them as you see fit. (take the good and throw away the bad)

    The truth of the matter is, a lot of people in these so called circles are SHALLOW. yes, I said it! Your accent may be authentic but many of them are SHALLOW. Then at the end of the day UNILAG girls get blamed for being materialistic. Please enlighten me on the difference?

  71. Lady Annie

    May 12, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    I presently school abroad and reading some comments here made me realise how closed minded some people can be. I grew up in lagos to be precise and i have met responsible and good people who have not left the shores of Nigeria. One can say they would like to date people who have lived or schooled abroad because they would have similar experiences and views but that should not be a criteria to dating anyone. There are so many bush and uncivilized Nigerians that i have met here and i know many of them were just so lucky to leave Nigeria. This fad is so shallow and unrealistic. I totally disagree with it

  72. Dupe

    May 12, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    Abroad or Home….. Understanding is the key……

  73. Jay

    May 12, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    Oh well for me, I believe the most important thing is values and not location or former location. My bf and I share live and school abroad but we believe in supporting each other though no splitting of bills on dates; if he gets a job or promotion, I take him out and the bill is on me. If i finish my exams or on our anniversary, he also takes me out and the bill is on him. He even cooks better than me.lol. He grew up in naija though but has lived here for eight years.
    I think all things should be defined at the beginning of the relationship as to who pays bills on dates etc. Like I said, the most important thing is values which we share together such as do unto her what I would like to be done to me.

  74. Elsa

    May 12, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    All this na fish o – wait till you see the Nigerian girls I know in the UK who will never date Nigerian men. I’m talking about London city girls with high paying jobs who don’t care if the bloke schooled “abroad” or not. As long as he’s Nigerian (even worse if he’s got an accent), they say no. The excuse is that all Nigerian men cheat, are controlling, blah, blah, blah but don’t all men cheat? Some will date British/Nigerian guys i.e. born in the UK but with Nigerian parents but that’s about it – well, as long as he has a good job and by good I mean high earner. Society will always have a class issue no matter your race or class. It was, it is and will always be. It’s the Cinderella syndrome but I’ma leave that one for another time.
    I say to each their own jare…Whatever makes you happy, floats your boat and tickles your fanny. It wouldn’t change the price of garri so not my business. Amen!

  75. adebola

    May 16, 2014 at 1:14 am

    well i dont agree but i understand the point of view…. however i would say dont generalize. i never schooled abroad. i went to one of the famous private universities in nigeria (well i havent done my masters yet) but i was born and raised in lagos and i travel out of the country once in a while. anyways i once met a guy who also went to a private university. born and breed in ibadan and my God u would not believe how unexposed he was and still is. what hurt me the most about the situation was that he was not willing to grow as an individual or try to enlighten himself in anyway. the issue is i am wise enough to know that not everyone is that way. i have a friend who was born and breed in ibadan and shes exposed and is very enlightened.between myself and my sister we have alot of friends from other states and they are all exposed too. i am not going to say because i have tasted one or two bad apples im never going to have an apple again. what u can do is u analyse the apple before eating it. so the main thing is dont generalise. if u do u end up putting urself in a box. i know how frustrating it is when u meet someone who just baffles u with their mentality. but u generalising only shows that u arent as exposed as u think u are

  76. jumsi

    May 17, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    Comment about the transition from the elite schools to the random …..so hilarious

  77. jumsi

    May 17, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    I speak from experience though…the disparity actually causes friction in any relationship….its best u go in wit clean tots!….wipe all ur notion and get to know the person….

  78. pretty

    November 21, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    I schooled abroad but I am totally disappointed how the IJGB’s are communicating on this platform. Your communication, the way you insult others just to prove your point is appalling. One would expect that after so much exposure, you would still not argue like a market woman. Schooling abroad is one thing, the evidence is another thing. What have you got to show in terms of attitude or you think being too open eyed shows wisdom. Your manner of communication should also tell that you schooled abroad, you don’t even have to announce it. I guess that’s what is wrong with Nigeria today, our politicians travel abroad, see all sorts of developments and manner in which things are done and how people behave and yet when they come back they show nothing of what they have seen.That you are fortunate to school abroad means you should impact positive values to your society and not call people jealous. The trader with his local accent is counting his money and happy, some of the people who schooled in Nigeria are happy, to each his own. Please show some class, if after all the western education and yet you can not drive home your point without sounding condescending then my dear you either let the school/country pass through you again, change the people you hangout with or go back home because you are not learning anything.

    Having something in common with your partner is very key but does he/she possess other necessary values .The divorce rate is increasing and maybe it’s because people are choosing partners based on shallow concepts. Be minded, all that glitters is not gold. Select based on principles that have been known to work. Have a lovely weekend

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