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Peculiar Okafor: Climbing the Ladder of Success in Stilettos



A lot has happened this recently that has centred around females and feminism – from #BanBanBossy, to Beyonce being referred to as anti-feminist. To my understanding, these all infer that there are certain ways women should behave,  else they be labelled terrorists. Also, the belief that certain rules should apply to enable women succeed and as someone who believes strongly in women empowerment, I feel I have to speak out.

First of all, we cannot ask for liberation from the male folk because they did not enslave us in the first place. When women make so much propaganda about men treating us fairly and giving us our due then we indirectly acknowledge that they are some form of masters from which we need to obtain freedom-  and that in itself is degrading, because male and female are created equal in the sight of God.

Secondly, life is a game where the fittest survive and no one is willing to hand you positions. My dear queens, don’t ask your male folks, you have to demand it. Men have always known this and have been willing to face all odds to succeed.

Thirdly, I do believe it is time of the female folk, as this is one era where soft skills makes most of the difference. In ancient times, it was a show of physical strength and so men seemingly took the lead. However, this is the age where interpersonal skills, discernment and the ability to get the best out of people with the least force gets you to the top.

In addition, I believe that women should fully express their femininity, as the way to get the best out of life is to be your best you. Enough of this trying to be like men, we are women. We are beautiful, and girls this in itself is power.

Ever noticed how being beautiful gets the attention of the men. Now imagine walking into an office with a male colleague and getting the attention first because you are beautiful. Now you can maximise that by showcasing your brains and skills or you can be stupid and start an affair, it’s your cup of tea. But your femininity opened the door.

In reality, I believe females, especially those in Africa, were not encouraged to acquire skills necessary in leadership positions. Skills like assertiveness, emotional stability (ever noticed how most of us have mood swings?) and a strong sense of self and purpose. I have always believed that the world stands still for the (wo)man who knows where she’s going.

So ladies, enough of all this screaming and demanding from men. Have a plan, take realistic steps to fulfill it. Follow the rules, and play the game like the beautiful woman that you are. I do not believe in acting like a man or stifling my femininity. Let the men climb the ladder of success in their boots. I’ll climb mine in stilettos and I promise I’ll get there first- in time to touch up on my hair and makeup before they arrive.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | R. Gino Santa Maria / Shutterfree, Llc

Peculiar Okafor is a marketing communications executive and loves to write. Visit her blog ‘‘ to read her stories.

Peculiar is a Marketing communications personnel, she believes that one can have a full life without being bitchy and she wants it all 'A good career, love, laughter, wealth, you name it. She blogs at Follow her on Instagram @daworkdiva and Facebook ''


  1. GiddyPearl

    June 12, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    It has come to the point where I will totally agree with this write up. Except in extremely tradition-ridden societies where men ACTUALLY suppress the women folk, I think the modern woman should just ‘achieve her fame in her stilettos and weaves’! It is allowed. The truth is, most men genuinely want us to progress and we should recognize that at some point.

  2. Gistyinka Blog

    June 12, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Hmmm very inter-sting.. i love all your points..

  3. chi-e-z

    June 12, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    Hmmm… you obviously have never tried applying for jobs in Nigeria where you typically see Men only or only men hired. Try becoming an engineer or doing some science/physics related jobs. Not all men are like that just saying women and men equally fight to get to same place I know from my mom’s experience is not true.

  4. isima richards

    June 12, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    dis blog doesnt exist

  5. Dr. N

    June 12, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    Not only am I climbing in stilletos, but, with kids and stuff. We lose some but we gain some. Yeah, many may turn us away but, we kick down d doors that open slightly. No excuses.

  6. Dy

    June 12, 2014 at 6:59 pm

    Am a female engineer, the only in my male dominated workplace, in a space of 40 men am the only female. Alot comes into play; and dear writer, it’s not as straight forward as you put it. I’m beautiful no doubt & when I walk in, people notice but most men will instantly brush you off as not brainy nor skillful enough till you prove your worth.
    And even when you do and literally sit it on their nose, some will acknowledge and some won’t because they are misogynist and their mindset and up-bringing is structured that way. Very futile trying to change it. Even when you talk, they find staring at your b**bs more interesting than what you have to say.
    My lesson learnt is: “Don’t acknowledge that energy, disassociate yourself and your work details from such men and lean towards the supporting one; and yes you will find such men in your team. Being such a lady does not work all the time, men are aggressively competitive and as such your voice should be loud and firm SOMETIMES when being assertive.
    Like in all relationships, there is no set rule, you have to be flexible based on the personalities and up-bringing of the men in your workplace.

  7. Miss Mo

    June 13, 2014 at 2:52 am

    Great article. Lots of points that make sense, but I agree with Dj especially in an environment like Nigeria.

    Having served at a Telecoms company in Nigeria and being one of the only females in the IT department I can relate to Dj’s points.

  8. oyin

    June 21, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    great article, but the outfit didn’t help me at all. When will intelligent women stop showing skin to supplement their brain? cover your legs and keep up the great work

  9. Agaba Taylor Abine Alexander

    November 14, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    Keep it up

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