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Precious Uwisike: When Ms. Red Storms Town

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I have always wanted to write about a special being. I like to call her, Ms. Red. This name is representative of who she is –  strong, energetic, assertive, aggressive and determined. Annoying as well. She works at her own pace.

Whenever Ms. Red is in town, everything goes awry. She loves attention so I always have to go all out to please her. She puts me on my toes and somehow I think she enjoys my discomfort. We almost never agree, and when we eventually do, it’s because I cave to her whims.

Ms. Red doesn’t respect me. No, she doesn’t. Sometimes, she storms into town without giving a heads up. And when I even try to predict her next visit, I lose her. She plays that kind of prank. On occasions when she doesn’t show up as expected, I start to get anxious; my anxiety would have shot up to about 75 degrees, and then, she arrives, gallantly!

When Ms. Red is angry or worked up, she takes it out on me and I in turn, take it out on the people around me. I start to get cranky or my body aches or I feel her poking at my abdomen. This poke is annoying. Terribly annoying. My mood just swings in every direction. There are times she makes me excited, restless and hyper. Many times, I have to sit put in one place. It’s what Ms. Red wants. She gets what she wants. One minute, I want to be mushy, held and cuddled, another minute, I am ready to bite anyone that stares at me for more than 30 seconds. Blame it on Ms. Red. There was a time I cried when I couldn’t find my flash drive. Ms. Red caused it. On an ordinary day, I would have toughened up.

You see, Ms Red has a mysterious case of diarrhea, so she sends me on so many errands to the bathroom; I either have to pee or just see how she is faring generally. She loves the attention. Ms. Red calls the shots. She controls everything when she is around. She tells me what to wear and what NOT to wear, she points out what to eat and even when a particular dish is calling out to me, Ms. Red makes me loose appetite. She makes me a tad conscious when I have to make a presentation, or when I have to be on the train at my bestie’s wedding or when I’m finally on a date with the office crush. The list is endless. Let’s not even get started on appeasing her with drugs, I am not a huge fan, plus she has her moments. So I let her run the show till she is ready to leave.

The irony of it all is that I have to anticipate her coming. Truth is, if she does not show up, it means I’m in trouble and I do not want to be in trouble now. So for the time being, she can keep visiting. Now, I have to go back to tending to Ms. Red and help her pack up. She leaves tomorrow.

…Only to return too soon. *sigh*

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Antonio Guillem

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Precious Uwisike is a graduate of Covenant University, where she studied Mass Communication.  Precious is passionate about helping people live happier lives. She is a PR executive and a social media enthusiast. Follow her on Twitter – @preshest

Kevwe Uwisike is a Communications Specialist; a lover of words, PR Girl, Social Media Enthusiast and Content Developer. You may reach her via email on [email protected]

37 Comments

  1. Troll

    June 20, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    I HATE Ms Red. Like HAAAATEEEEE. And she’s currently in town *weeps*

  2. viv

    June 20, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    Loved it!thumbs up hun..

  3. Joan85

    June 20, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    OMG I thought I was the only female that Ms. Red visits with diarrhea…I dread her coming cos anything I eat goes to waste smh. My mood is ridiculous when she’s around. But like you said, if she doesn’t show up, guess who panics? 🙂

    • It's Just Her

      June 21, 2014 at 1:06 am

      Sister, the story of my life…the ‘bloody’ story of my life.

  4. some hater

    June 20, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    for every young lady: Ms Red cant live with her, cant live without her

  5. naana

    June 20, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    i hate that i love her at times.

  6. Bee

    June 20, 2014 at 5:31 pm

    I havent seen miss red this month o

    • Ada Nnewi

      June 23, 2014 at 9:47 am

      ROTFLMAO!!!!

  7. Keri

    June 20, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    Miss Red didn’t come this month, I was scared and excited. I started reading books on pregnancy stages. I silently prayed for twins. This afternoon, Ms Red turned up with her pain and tantrum.

  8. graciemama.com

    June 20, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    Nice one Presh, I loved every bit of it

  9. Seun Tuyo

    June 20, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    Bitter sweet relationship with Ms. Red. I refer to her as my grandma, whose visit is never appealing. Beautiful piece Precious.

  10. xoxo

    June 20, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    I prefer to refer to Ms. Red as Aunt Flo. I hope she stays away this month, i pray i’m pregnant.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      June 20, 2014 at 7:21 pm

      May God grant you the prayers of your heart.

  11. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    June 20, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    My dad calls her “the red visitor”.

    • HMMM

      June 21, 2014 at 1:07 am

      ok, very weird

  12. TryingToConceiveMama

    June 20, 2014 at 7:28 pm

    xoxo me too, I pray God hears our prayers and we are pregnant! Next month is my 3rd wedding anniversary and I’m looking forward to this being an anniversary gift.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      June 20, 2014 at 8:20 pm

      Try not to be anxious, (easier said than done, I know). Hold on. Calmly.

  13. Dammy

    June 20, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    Ms red and her tantrums….wen Ms red is around, Mr. ‘stop miss red’ has to pamper me cos i get annoyingly mushy and lazy.
    I call Ms. red moments my ‘princess moments’ because i do absurd things and would never lift a finger.

    Nice piece precious.

  14. BeautyGeekng.com

    June 20, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    Lol. Ms Red can be so annoying. Lovely write up

  15. Misskay

    June 21, 2014 at 12:44 am

    If I write anything mean bout miss red this night, not going to have a good night sleep….. I love my ferocious miss red

  16. Lala

    June 21, 2014 at 3:10 am

    Hmmmn… Mrs Red jus left my house. I look forward to her coming, but the pain, oh the pain and muscle contraction dat rolls in for d 1st two days of her coming is maddening. Lets not go to the vommitting and diarhea, sometimes simultaneous…Two days wen i wish God could chg me to a man faster than fast or i cud pull out my tummy and place it in d fridge… Salute to Mrs Red! Or shd i say General Red.

  17. chi-e-z

    June 21, 2014 at 4:25 am

    Story 4 days. ugh do not miss Ms.Red(aka Tom, monthly gift, the torture pit). Was glad to see her till the crankiness came

  18. Frances Okoro

    June 21, 2014 at 10:56 am

    Not to forget that she makes me feel fat and bloated and angry at little things…sigh**

    imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

  19. Yassbeetch

    June 21, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Exercise does wonders for PMS, sort out ur contraception if u dont want pregnancy

  20. Oluwanitemi

    June 21, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    Sweet read.Amazing write up. Thumbs up

  21. miz wilson

    June 21, 2014 at 7:17 pm

    Miss red rocks! She’s good at makin me look ugly dou.jst wen I tink m don battling pimples,she comes in all her glory. She’s d boss.m glad she’s takin her leav tomao.bye missy.till we meet again.

  22. Iya

    June 21, 2014 at 9:01 pm

    Gosh….Ms. Red…Ms. Flo Red…the very bane of my existence….

  23. sum1special

    June 23, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Ms Red is evil,very evil.

  24. Pretty

    June 23, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    Thank God say you dey see your Ms. Red ooh cos some people only see theirs once or twice a year

  25. ada1

    June 24, 2014 at 10:03 am

    oh Miss Red, the things i have suffered at thine hands… i really pray after having my first child, Miss Red will be kinder to me.

  26. EverSmilingNkechi

    June 25, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Ms Red!!!!!!! No me ooh!!!
    is it the crams?
    is it the diarrhea?
    is it the vomiting?
    is it the bloating?
    is it the loss of appetite?
    is it the mood swings?
    is it the discomfort?
    where should i start from? the list is just endless. She pokes ma lower tummy for a whole week prior to her arrival. I mean sharp pains that feel like everythg at de centre of ur lower tommy is being pulled apart but lasts for a couple of seconds. Upon it’s arrival, its tantrums can kill. Did i mention that her tantrums makes it impossible for me to walk? ma legs are like numb? well i can go on and on abt this Ms Red and the thg is if she doesn’t show up i will be worried sick. SMH

  27. Adesewa06

    June 25, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    Ms. Red tho… Brilliant imagery put in letterings. Well done Precious!

  28. oludara Ogunbowale

    June 26, 2014 at 9:27 am

    Miss red is Indispensably important..positive or negative..yuk!I love her though.

  29. oludara

    June 26, 2014 at 9:29 am

    She is Indispensable!positive and negative..It makes me pray harder for my children;they are the reason I am patient with Miss red!

  30. xena

    June 27, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Ms Red ohhh Ms Red

  31. Nelly Udoh

    July 22, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    OMG! hahhahahahhaha this is serious. I got youuuu…. Oh yeah! Ms Red is so coming this weekend been thinking about it since*sobbing*

  32. creamy

    July 23, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    Miss red and her endless wahala! the blinding migrane she leaves me as a parting gift is 2nd to none chei! diaris ……….

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