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Aunty Bella: Miss. I Want To Leave Him

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Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

Please read on.

The email:
Good day,please I really need your help. I’ve been in a relationship for 3yrs now… It doesn’t seem like we are moving forward… I used 2 love him,I kind of stopped when things were getting out of hand… I really care about these guy… I’ve tried 2 leave him… But we just end up coming back together… Please help… I don’t know if these is a blessing or a curse! Am loosing my mind… Please reply me ASAP! God Bless!

We sought further clarification:
Hello,

Thank you for your email.

Kindly clarify what the issues are and what specific issues you require help on.

Thank you.

The follow up response:
Thanks for replying me… My name is L*** A***.. I want to leave him,but am finding it difficult,cos we’ve been together for a long time… Each time I ask for a break-up he thinks am joking… What do I do? I don’t know how to go about it! Please I need your assistance! Thanks… I’ll be really grateful…

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Wavebreakmedia Ltd

31 Comments

  1. Sunita

    September 23, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    This is soooo vague. Why is she leaving? Is it that he’s abusive or she wants something he cannot give? I’m confused here

    • Diuto

      November 25, 2014 at 9:26 am

      Since she csnt leave him its not a problem. When he is tired he’ll leave.

  2. D

    September 23, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Still did not answer the question as to the issues. But if you just want to leave him as you seem to indicate then I would say carry your bags and just walk out no point in telling him again and again because he will not take you seriously since you are yet to put your words into action. A clean break will be best at this point as in no trying to be friends or anything. No Calls or returning pings or Whatsapp deal, a total and complete break until you are in a good place mentality, then you can consider becoming friends again. The truth is you probably do not love him but you have vested time which equals emotions in the dude and until you make a clean break you will probably end up going back over and over to him and that is totally unhealthy for both you and the dude.

    • Onye

      September 23, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      She doesn’t love him anymore. Is that not reason enough!

  3. Bella

    September 23, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    My dear, how will you leave him if you cannot even identify the reason you want to leave, no wonder the ol boy thinks you are joking. Be mature, face your facts and have a decent conversation with him, have your pointers ready and from there, here his side out and then if you have no agreeable solution and you are still feeling strongly about your case to leave, then biko, pack and go but don’t just pack out for no reason and let him wonder what he did or didn’t do.

  4. Bella

    September 23, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    Ps, sorry, forgot to add, as you both started this relationship amicably, it is very possible to end it same way, unless of course there is abuse in it then biko, get out of there fast!

  5. Kay

    September 23, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    We still need further clarification. Why does she want to leave him? What is he doing wrong? Why is it so hard to leave ? etc…….

  6. Changing Faces

    September 23, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Since you haven’t stated your reasons, we really can’t be of much help. Good luck

  7. tubillion

    September 23, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Sometimes we in seeing one and later we get furious not with the person but us,reason atyms might be the person attitude or our own goals not yet achieved,remember every1 wants to b loved so if leaving him would make you happy and make you feel fab with ursef,do that even if your reasons. Is best known to you, don’t displease yourself to make someone happy

  8. halyma

    September 23, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Dear Miss. I want to leave him,
    You did not really state what it is that was getting out of hands which may help readers advice you properly….I am guessing you have your reasons. Nevertheless, if you so desprately want to leave this guy and he is not taking you seriously when you discuss it with him, then cut off all communication with him. And if he trys to contact you do not respond. All i am saying is just give him the cold treatment, I am sure that when you persist. With your lack of interest, he will leave you alone.

  9. chu girl

    September 23, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    u are probably bored of the relationship……….not surprising…. u guys need to sit and re-evaluate ur relationship. but first u need to do some personal soul-searching and honestly know what you want from subsequent relationship/s u get into

  10. Tee

    September 23, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    what do you mean by things started getting out of hand…vague problem, vague answer…with more info, we all can help chip in our 2 cents better. Amebo Chairwoman has spoken.

  11. Phaith

    September 23, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    I don’t know what 2 say… I guess U’r young and confused… Just give Urself some time 2 really tink abt dis… Sometimes True Love only comes once in a life time…

  12. Que

    September 23, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    She clearly cant leave cos she isnt convinced her problem is enough of a problem to leave and stay away for….. the problem still feels like this email to her…vague n confusing… Madam L…A…. when u get clarity on how big or small your problem is, the answer will equally become clear dear. In the meantime, if na matter of life and death please CHOOSE LIFE! Cheers..

  13. Grown Woman

    September 23, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Rships, some want in and some out anywas so far you have not told us why you want to end the rship so i suggest you should first speak to him stating your reasons for wanting to end things.It isn’t fair to just give him a cold treatment, talk to him like a mature lady.Please don’t be going back and forth contradicting yourself otherwise he won’t take you serious.It can be hard at first to cut all the communication but with time, you will be fine.Once you start ignoring him, he will understand. Sometimes we really create dramas for ourselves.Let him find someone who loves him and vice versa.We all deserve some love in this life.Forget Everything and run or Face Everything and Rise.:) 🙂

  14. Mee

    September 23, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    She wants to leave because majority of the advice on Aunty Bella is “leave the guy” “forget him”, ” you deserve better”….

    It has gotten into her subconscious and no one wants to stay in their relationship any longer.

    You can leave jare and please don’t come asking questions if no other guy shows up till 2020

    • Ib

      September 23, 2014 at 5:05 pm

      Isn’t it the same Bella that is showing us engagements and weddings here and there? If you are not happy in your relationship, you are not happy. Period! Leave BN or Aunty Bella out of this biko.

    • Iris

      September 24, 2014 at 5:09 am

      Yea…it’s the fault of BN and people that comment on this blog that she suddenly wants to leave for no particular reason. Clearly we have odeshi on here that controls the minds of people so that when people say “don’t stay with an abusive person” or “To each their own but I personally wouldn’t stay with an unfaithful partner” it translates into “anytime you have a boyfriend, get up and walk”. *rolls eyes* Park abeg.

  15. BN lover

    September 23, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    Na wa oh…..babe u. ve to please take yourself seriously before thinking someone else will……biko where’s my gurl isio……???i miss u.

  16. Pat

    September 23, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    Shuu!!! What kind of question is this with no valid info as to how one could advise u. Is this child’s play or something.

  17. omoibo

    September 23, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    She ain’t ready to leave yet, when she is she will find her square root 🙂

  18. Omo1

    September 23, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    First of all, be notified of the difference in the use of “this” and “these”.

    • Omo1

      September 23, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      be notified on

    • Kwame Turu

      September 23, 2014 at 7:10 pm

      @ Omo1 miss correcter. As u had a typo in your previous sentence it didn’t dawn on u that that could be a typo by the writer of the article. Is English your language? Its laughable when people try to prove the unecessary

    • dee

      September 23, 2014 at 4:45 pm

      correcting someone and yours is not any better

  19. ruky

    September 23, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    First of all, her reason to wanting to leave the relationship is not given, however, i am not someone that will say you must have a bonafide reason to end your relationship. I understand people grow apart, but my question for her is if she is really ready to leave him? You have invested years into this relationship, maybe including your body and soul, so it seems unfair to end it when you feel a proposal (if that is what you are waiting for) is around the corner. However, you need to be certain you are ready to leave him before you bring up that statement the next time.
    In addition, you need to find the underlying reason you keep going back to him, or you will forever be stuck in that relationship. My advise is once you have found that reason or excuse you keep leaning on, face it with him head on, and maybe both of you can move on amicable.

  20. May

    September 23, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    1. She doesn’t love him anymore; 2. She thinks 3 years is too long a time to date and not have a clear focus on where the relationship is headed; 3. She is sick and tired of the guy dragging his feet;

    This is what I gathered from her write-up

    But she should also explain the bit about things getting out of hand.

  21. OJ

    September 23, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    @Omo1 u can’t even write proper sentence and your correcting someone. Yeye dey smell abeg waka pass.

  22. Doxa

    September 23, 2014 at 8:23 pm

    You want to leave, you know the reason why, but don’t want to disclose, that’s okay though. The problem is that you think you need his permission to leave, that’s why you keep going to tell him and when he doesn’t take you serious you stay back. My dear, you don’t need his permission to leave, if you are ready to leave, just leave.
    Maybe you think that when you tell him, he will beg and cry and do all that show, but it pains you that he doesn’t and so because you really didn’t want to leave in the first place you stay back. As long as you keep dilly-dallying, he will continue not to take you seriously.
    If you want to leave, just leave. No need to have any special conversation this time, afterall you have told him many times bbefore in the past.
    If you are living with him, just pack all your stuffs and leave the house. If you are not living with him, stop picking his calls, block him from facebook, whatsapp, bbm, etc, avoid going to places where you will see him, avoid his friends and family.
    If you really want to leave him, then just do it.

  23. papermoon

    September 23, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    miss, if u want to leave pls do so. its likely he has stopped attaching any seriousness to u cos u keep making vain threats.
    when u keep announcing dat u ar leaving and u dont, he will attach little importance to ur words and eventually to u.
    depending on who he is, he will one day get up and tell u to leave out of blues or he will just walk away wen u least expect him to or he will keep reconciling with u until he tells u one morning dat he is getting married to another woman in a weeks time because as u already know, u guys
    dont get along. if u want to leave, leave and stop threatening him all the time.

  24. Anon

    September 24, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    If she really wants to break up, she will. If he thinks she’s joking, thats on her. Not like he’s going to tie her down

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