Nollywood actress Uche Ogbodo spoke to Vanguard about why her 1 month long marriage ended. The actress just gave birth to their baby in the US and shares that her ex wasn’t present at all during her pregnancy, blames their breakup on societal influence and his lies.
Here’s an excerpt:
Have you left your husband for real?
The marriage didn’t work out.
Was it really a marriage?
It was a marriage but we didn’t do any wedding. We didn’t do any court marriage or church wedding. We did nothing. We didn’t even do traditional marriage but in my culture, there are many processes to getting married and I did a few of those, so you can say I was married. In Igbo land, there are rites you adhere to before you can say this is my wife and I did a couple of them.
Why did you do the rites in secret?
You cannot do rites openly; it’s just a family thing, family members only. It’s not a traditional wedding. If I had done traditional wedding, I would definitely invite people. If I had done a white wedding, I would have invited people. If I had done a court marriage, I would still have invited people but it was just rites. I didn’t do anything the public needed to know, so you can’t say I did any marriage in secret.
What really made you leave your husband?
My marriage was full of lies. I cannot tell you in detail what those lies were, if that’s what you’re trying to make me do but it was based on lies. It’s a pity it didn’t work out. I didn’t go into the marriage to crash it. I wanted a family; I wanted a loving home and a loving husband. That was why I went into it in the first place but as nature would have it, I didn’t get any of those. I still thank God my head is intact
Did he cheat on you? What exactly did he do?
No, it’s not about women. Like I always say, you cannot build a home on sinking sand. You need to build a home on a rock. What I mean is that a marriage built on deceit and lies is no marriage at all. If you want a solid marriage, it must be built on honesty and trustworthiness. If not, it’s definitely going to crash. If it doesn’t crash today, it will crash tomorrow, so the lies are my reasons.
When did you discover he was lying to you?
Well, it was good while it lasted; he was a good man to me. I felt all I saw was all I was supposed to see but later when one thing led to another and things started unfolding. I started finding out that everything was not what it seemed. Every relationship, you have problems in-between, there is no relationship that just goes on smoothly.
In the process of friendship and dating, we had issues that we resolved but when we took it to the next level we just couldn’t hold it together. There are things you can hide as friends but as married couple it is impossible because so many other things like families are involved.
As his girlfriend some things that were hidden were revealed when I became his wife. What happened between me and my husband is between me and my husband. We caused it, both of us caused it.
For how long were you guys together?
The marriage lasted barely a month before we started having issues. We were having issues before I found out I was pregnant.
Are you planning to raise your child as a single mother?
When I don’t have a husband, I’m raising her alone. I can’t throw my child away. It’s not her fault that the marriage didn’t work out, it’s not her fault that I got pregnant, it’s not her fault that we didn’t take our marriage seriously, so I’m going to raise her no matter what happens.
How old is she now?
She’s a month and two weeks now.
What attracted you to your husband before you married him?
I saw something in him that nobody had ever seen. I saw a man that was a good man inside his heart. It’s not like when you’re looking at him everything is perfect but I saw that deep down somewhere, there’s a good man. Without the influence of society, he would have been different. I blame it on society and I blame it on him. He allowed things to influence but he was born a good man and I thought I could bring that goodness out in him. I thought that I could change something and make it better. I tried but it didn’t work out.
Was it completely his fault that your marriage crashed?
It’s our fault. We shouldn’t have allowed our marriage to crash. I wouldn’t know my mistakes; he would tell you my mistakes. Maybe I was a little too much to handle, maybe that’s why but I wouldn’t know until he tells you his own side of the story.
Some people were saying you got into the marriage because of money?
I didn’t get into the marriage because of money in the first place. I got into the marriage because I wanted to be married and because I saw something in him that I felt would work out for me later in life. I didn’t go into it because of money; there were no millions to spend so it wasn’t about money. I don’t care what people say. What matters is the truth and I try to be very straightforward when I deal with people. So, it wasn’t about money because there was none
Others are saying you left him because of his brain tumor?
He doesn’t have brain tumor. He was sick at the time, he had issues but his sickness is not the reason why our marriage crashed. Money was not the issue either. I would definitely know about his health status before I would marry a man. I knew what I was going into, so how could I just leave a man because he had a brain tumor? It’s funny.
You said he didn’t have a brain tumor, what was really wrong with him?
I cannot tell you, he would tell you. He was sick, he was treated but it had nothing to do with the brain. He had surgery but it was not brain tumor, it was not cancer, he was just sick and I thank God that he’s alive. I don’t know why people just wake up and conclude things out of the blue; you don’t know these people from Adam, you just read about people and then you go and comment rubbish. You write rubbish to tear people’s lives apart even when you know nothing about their issues.
Is he still in hospital?
He’s not in hospital; he has never been in the hospital. I don’t know why that picture came up, that picture you saw online was taken like last year December
Was your husband with you when you were pregnant?
No, he wasn’t. We were having issues, we weren’t together. He didn’t see me pregnant for one day.
If you’re going to marry again, what would you do differently to make it work out?
I’m only going to keep praying to God to give me someone who wouldn’t lie to me, someone that would be plain, very plain to me.
Are you still planning to marry again?
I’ve left the door open. I’m not going to close the door of marriage because one marriage didn’t work. The door is wide open. When I find someone that I’m going to be happy with but I wouldn’t want another experience where my marriage crashes because once beaten twice shy. So I’m going to take my time now and dig deep.
Interview Source: Vanguard