Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.
Good day Bella,
I am currently puzzled and would appreciate it if my story (as written below) can be featured on your Aunty Bella column. I would like to hear what the readers has to say and know how I can make changes…
After marriage I was expecting we would be fun but it turns out not to be that much fun, it’s actually so boring considering the fact that we dated for about 2 years and decided to get hitched. We’ve only been married for a few months. We are both still very young (in our mid 20s) and we should be able to enjoy each other, explore and do the silly things we used to do before marriage. I love to try something new, sexually and in everything else life brings, I love challenges too and not scared to face whatever it is.
He thinks I’m just too much especially when I suggest trying something new to spice up our sexual and marital life; when I suggest going out for dinner, he thinks we wasting money, alright let’s see a movie… he’s reluctant and when we go I mostly do the paying.
How about going clubbing like we used to do? He prefers to go alone with his boys, he thinks going on holiday is boring without his friends being around (that really gets under my skin!). But then I make sure his meals are perfectly cooked, ready at the right time, make him meals he’s never had… I get compliments on my cooking all the time (not to brag) but never from him until I ask, “Honey how is/was the food?”
When he starts his Play Station, he prefers to play it all day. When I try distracting him its a problem. I used to get so angry and we’d end up fighting but now I think I’ve learnt a lot (more matured to) and just let him be. I’ll do anything for peace in my home.
Yes we love each other, we are best friends, we complete each other but then something just doesn’t feel right. I ask myself sometimes if we rushed into this thing called marriage. If our marriage is this boring in a few months then what is it going to be like a few years down the line?
I’ve tried to spice things up (new sets of lingerie, surprise dinners, gifts et al) and even gave him ideas of what we should do but nope he takes everything for granted. I love my man so much and I’ll do anything to make him happy, but then I’m tired of being the perfect wife. His unwillingness has lead me to something I never thought I’d do, but then it gives me the pleasure I want. I love the compliments; the admiration of how gorgeous I am, my sense of style, the way I walk, how perfect my curves are and how lovely I smell. I feel wanted and beautiful again, it makes me happy.
I feel guilty every day because he is a great man and a wonderful dad (we have a daughter by the way). But what about me? what about what I want? what about my happiness? Am I just supposed to live the rest of my life wishing things were different or make a change now so I don’t just watch my life pass by.
They always say at the end things would work out. But when is the end? If he isn’t making an effort to make me happy now what are the chances he’d do it later? What if he only changes when I’m 50, what would have happened to the younger me? Should I start living at 50?….
So many questions I get no answers to….. they just keep playing with my mind…..