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Georgie: The Guy You Want But Can’t Have

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You really want him but you can’t have him; because to have him would mean that you would be risking so much, much more than you bargained for. You see, at the moment, he has nothing to lose but so much to gain, and unfortunately for you, it is the direct opposite.

The day you met him you can never forget. It was a complete coincidence. You assumed he was a visitor in the office, so you treated him as such. Your eyes met, he smiled, his glorious smile, warm, inviting, natural, perfect and you smiled back. He hugged you, and that didn’t shock you…because well, it wasn’t the first time you actually met him. You met him a few days earlier, at another venue. He at that time was pre-occupied with other matters, but you had a short conversation and spent the rest of the night mingling with other people. Due to the circumstances in which you first laid eyes on each other, you were surprised he was even at your office. You find out soon enough though that he isn’t a visitor, he works where you work. Your office is his office.

Going back to the second encounter, you exchange words, soon exchange phone numbers much to your surprise, seeing as you don’t usually give guys your number so easily, or so quickly. He passed his phone to you in a nonchalant manner, the face of it displaying the keypad. Shocked, you wanted to make your protest heard, but alas you could not, seeing as he picked the perfect moment in your current surroundings where for you to speak would be a crime, a serious crime, so you didn’t – speak that is. Instead, you sheepishly entered your digits and passed the phone back to him.

Later that day he messaged you asking what you were up to in the evening. You mentioned you were busy and for a while it stayed a work thing. You would see each other at the office, you would briefly chat and laugh. Afterhours however, you would Snapchat, WhatsApp or FaceTime, whatever was more convenient. You were always attracted to him; you knew that, he knew that. In fact he confessed quite early on in your conversations how much he found you attractive, and how much he enjoyed your company. He found you friendly, easy going, easily pleased. Slowly, the work thing grew into a friend thing and then friend thing grew into an I-like-you thing. So you started to go out together a couple of times. You met his friends, he met yours, and you guys got super comfortable. You continue on this journey for a couple of months, and at this point you are fiercely flirtatious with one another. He talks about your hips and Ikebe and you mention how much you love his physique, strong arms and his. This goes on for a good few months until he drops the bomb.

The day he dropped the bomb, you weren’t expecting it. I mean he talked about it jokingly in your presence once or twice, but you were amongst friends. You wrote it off as just banter, I mean he couldn’t possibly be serious. You did notice however that he glanced at you to see your reaction, but it didn’t matter at the time, you were just friends then. However, seeing as you and him are a bit more than that, scratch that, a lot more than that, those conversations now seem to matter a hell of a lot more. Now it seems as though with the benefit of hindsight, God prepared you for this day, this very moment, this very second.

You two are having one of your usual conversations, when he says, “there is nothing wrong with cheating. I am a man; after all it is what we do, it is in our nature. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that I will not sleep with some girl I don’t give a shit about, because I will. Sex is just sex. It means nothing, it is just an act.” His brutal honesty floors you. You are not sure how to deal with this information. Do you act casual, as though what he just said did not rock your very foundation, and cause your heart rate to accelerate, or do you argue back. You choose the latter. You argue that sex cannot be just sex, if it was just sex then it wouldn’t be such a topic of debate in relationships. People wouldn’t discuss the preservation of virginity, the blessings people believe attached to such preservation or conversely, won’t choose to have it casually because it causes one or both of them to “catch feelings.” It wouldn’t cause debate about whether there is emotion attached to it, or bother to discuss the reasons why people cheat.

Sex isn’t just sex.

He argued against your argument, he was fully convinced in his theorem when it hit you: you could not be with him. If his very core, his very ideology about sex and cheating was this, then how could you possibly be with him? He would cheat on you and you could do nothing about it. Any future fit of rage, or protest would land on deaf ears. After all, he warned you before you were officially together. This lack of power, this ultimatum he presented to you was one you could not stand for. So you walked away, figuratively speaking. You tried to distance yourself from him but you could not. You see him everyday in the office; your chatting routine was all too familiar. You were confortable. How could you pull away now, when this was a man who understood you – completely? He knew when you were not feeling well without even seeing you or hearing your voice. He was honest. He was very honest. Doesn’t he deserve credit for that honesty? If more men were honest in this world, they have no idea the amount of women, against their better judgment, would fall for them, and today, sadly, you were one of them.

Cheating is the cross you would have to carry, the risk you were going to take going into a relationship with him. He told you that all men were like this, maybe not all men, but at least 95% of them, was it true? He couldn’t be right. After all you know some guys who don’t think like him but could they just be lying to themselves?

To say yes to him, would be to agree that cheating was acceptable, and you could not do that. Worst of all, he was going to get all of you, solely and completely and you might realistically have to share all of him. You couldn’t handle it; handle the reality, yet you were still drawn to him. What do you do?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Rocketclips, Inc.

Georgie is a Creative Enthusiast who spends a lot of her time involved in various creative projects. To see more of her work, check out her new blogisite – www.realtalkwithgeorgie.com Once you click on the link, you will join the league of stars that have exclusive access to Georgie through her articles, photos, poems and more.

39 Comments

  1. DamE

    March 11, 2015 at 9:17 am

    DON’T START WHAT WOULD EVENTUALLY CAUSE YOU PAIN…..U WOULD ENJOY THE TOGETHERNESS BUT YOU WOULD NEVER TRULY BE HAPPY….EVENTUALLY YOU WOULD LEAVE…SO WHY WASTE TIME CREATING MEMORIES THAT WOULD CAUSE YOU GRIEVE LATER

  2. blaquepearl

    March 11, 2015 at 9:23 am

    wowza! blew me off my socks completely! Ladies give urselves some dignity!! (like vimbai & Ik said few days ago at the Africa magic awards so u wont have to pick it up stylishly with the #shoki dance) . DONT venture into that murky pool of toxicness pleaseee!! All men DO NOT cheat!! leave the born again cliche outta this – majority though do, but pride urself to be 1 of ’em leadin ladies that will land urself that priced bloke who is decent & sane in every ramification. Sad thing is some if not multitude of ladies will settle for this douche bag(c’mon its all around us- ladies who are content with him footing all her crazy bills, puts a ring on it & comes home to her most of the time) with glee. Kai! Sad much

  3. Lola

    March 11, 2015 at 9:24 am

    Don’t be silly girl. If a man tells you that, it is obvious he is not really into you. He is trying to scare you away. You need to pick up your self esteem and believe that you deserve better and walk away. A man who flaunts or is promising you to flaunts his indiscretions to your face does not respect you.

  4. PACE

    March 11, 2015 at 9:29 am

    I’m a guy and can confirm a good number of guys do not attach so much emotions to sex as females do. However, it does NOT make it right to cheat on your partner or someone you’re in a relationship with. That being said, what works for one person might not necessarily work for the next person. Women should NOT take it upon themselves to believe you can change a guy. If you can’t put up with a guy that cheats or will cheat on you, you better not commit to such a relationship. If you do, brace yourself up for heartbreaks in the near/far future. Be patient enough to find someone who shares same/similar views with you on the subject matter.

    • dele

      March 11, 2015 at 10:46 am

      i love this comment. You are absolutely correct. Most ladies tends to accept what they cant change in relationships. And women invest or attached so much emotions to sex. For the fact that a guy had sex with you does not mean commitment

    • Idomagirl

      March 11, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      GBAM!!!!

  5. Glowrite

    March 11, 2015 at 9:37 am

    Beautifully written.

    I’m a gay man. I’m not sure how this situation plays out in my world, but i suspect it would be similar.

    I’m single, and i discuss things like this on my blog: glowrite.wordpress.com/2015/03/01/why-i-am-a-virgin

    To answer your question, i think it boils down to choosing what you value most and dealing with the consequences of that choice. Well, thats easy for me to say, im a 23 year old man who has been single all my life, dealing with my sexuality, and hoping for love from “the one”.

    Again, beautiful piece of writing.

  6. jess

    March 11, 2015 at 9:38 am

    women lie, men lie……men cheat, women cheat…..

  7. bruno

    March 11, 2015 at 10:24 am

    are u well at all. why would you even think or debate whether to date a scum bag like that.
    a man who believes it is he’s rite as a man to sleep around with different women.

    “there is nothing
    wrong with cheating. I am a man; after all it is
    what we do, it is in our nature. I am not going to
    lie to you and tell you that I will not sleep with
    some girl I don’t give a shit about, because I will.
    Sex is just sex.

    immediately he finishes talking, u should give him a dirty slap, wish him the best of luck on contacting hiv and stds and walk away.
    what an idiot of a man who believes women are for the taking.

    assuming it was a woman that says this to a man, I wonder what will happen.

    • myveryownself

      March 12, 2015 at 2:17 pm

      Bruno its high time I made u my friend.

  8. Rukamina

    March 11, 2015 at 10:44 am

    No debating it girl. Run.

  9. niola

    March 11, 2015 at 10:45 am

    This should be featured in Aunty Bella. instead …

  10. JADE

    March 11, 2015 at 10:51 am

    Isn’t sex just sex though? i really still haven’t understood the big deal people attach to sex, so what if my hubby or boyfriend sleeps with someone else?i really don’t care so long as he uses a condom and he doesn’t sleep with her in my home, who gives a flying f-? not me. I see people wailing about their boyfriend cheating on them and i’m like what’s the big deal? he put in his penis in her vagina and you’re crying?why? are you physically hurt? is any part of your body paining you? so why are you crying? Its not a self esteem issue because i know that’s the next thing i will hear, it just doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things to me.

    • Idomagirl

      March 11, 2015 at 12:17 pm

      @Jade, you sound like you’re either an unrepentant cheat or someone who has been cheated on so much you now see it as normal. Strange comment.

    • Author Unknown

      March 11, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      Or someone who is just not emotionally connected, and trust me, there are some people like that Weird, I know. Cheating is less about the physical, but more about emotional betrayal. On another hand, many women have accepted men cheating as human nature, and are “happy” as long as they’re the one he comes back home to. Again, weird, but such is how things have become. The irony is the guy like the one in the story might end up not cheating, while the loyal lover boy takes a turn for the worse. Crazy!

  11. Ese

    March 11, 2015 at 10:59 am

    yea yea, a whole lot of them thinking they r God’s gift to the female folk. once had a friend like that who said if he z wife grows fat he ll cheat. at that time the girl he was dating was a size zero so to say. Bruno said it all….give him a good smite across his senseless jaw and let him watch u leave!

  12. poison ivy

    March 11, 2015 at 11:01 am

    Wow……..bruno is improving, very impressive. I totally agree with you.
    Most women indulge in “relationship pet project”. (he said he’s a cheat, but I believe he can be redeemed, I can change him all I have to do is spoil him with love and leave him asking for more). Madam redeemer, wake up ooo!!
    These men can separate emotion from sex ehhh. Know when to walk away before you die on top person matter

  13. Deola

    March 11, 2015 at 11:13 am

    I dated a girl sometime, but eventually parted ways because sex was “not just sex” to me, In between the time we met and planned to be together, we made do in the interim with online and phone sex because we had become so passionate about one another.

    One a weekend, while attending a conference in another city, she arranged with another guy she had been talking to on the phone (whom we all belonged on the same internet board) to meet up. And while bored, they ended up having a sexual rendezvous. What was funny then was that she was texting me all the time she was with this guy and telling me she was missing me. Later, when the guy demanded a permanent relationship and would not leave her alone and because was embarrassed the whole story would spill online and I would get to know, she confessed.

    Back then, I felt hurt and would ask her what the sexual experience meant for her and she would tell me it was just sex., no feelings and that it was me she loved .All this while, our relationship was still phone and video chats. But when I eventually met her, the chemistry was great, the sex was awesome and all the outings we had I still remember women approaching us and saying we looked great together. Yet, for some reason, I was insecure. I loved her to bits then, but I could not let over the idea what she had with the other guy was “just sex.”

    I guess it is like that for some and not for others like me. I have to have feelings for you as a woman to have sex with you. I am a man that loves women, but at that point of sex, I make a distinction on what it means to me and how I want to bond with that special person.

  14. Phibz

    March 11, 2015 at 11:33 am

    This! …is me. Sad but true. Hard to admit but its the truth. You love him so much, he’s not good enough but you just find yourself still there.
    And guess what? He loves you too…but not enough to commit.
    Cest la vie.

    • jho

      March 11, 2015 at 11:57 am

      lol @philz. i am in this same position too. its fustrating!

    • Hairmillionaire

      March 11, 2015 at 1:50 pm

      Sorry but he does not love you. You commit to what you love.

  15. Queen Spicey

    March 11, 2015 at 11:35 am

    Sweetie the “bomb” he dropped (that he will cheat) is all the getaway ticket you need to take a long walk to freedom with your heart in tatters which would be mended in time. Better a broken heart than a crushed dignity & loss of self esteem.

  16. Chidinma Inspirations

    March 11, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    Many atimes, a guy feels he can cheat when he really isn’t afraid of losing the girl. Because, if a guy really loves a girl, he will be so afraid to say that it is alright to cheat not to even talk of cheating in the first place.
    The guy is just set out to play the girl nothing more nothing less. When he means business… that is a serious relationship, he means business.

    This is so similar to an article I wrote titled >>> Falling In Love With A Man/Woman Who Is Already Involved With Another

  17. JADE

    March 11, 2015 at 12:40 pm

    Lol @ Idomagirl, i am not an unrepentant cheat, i just don’t see the big deal in sex and all the unnecessary attachment people (we women especially) like to add to it. Maybe i am the opposite of Deola up there who can’t remove emotions from sex. Yes i have cheated and yes i have been cheated on and i’ve coming away from both experiences with the knowledge that sex is just sex, my husband can f- a random girl once in a while no biggie so long as he uses protection. When it becomes a problem is when he is in a relationship with another girl(s), now emotions are involved, as for me i may or may not f- a random dude but then 50 years is a long time to spend eating only okro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • girl

      March 11, 2015 at 1:08 pm

      well good luck to you……..

      UNTIL S-IT GETS REAL..

    • orange

      March 11, 2015 at 9:45 pm

      Aunty,u need psychological help nd God”s grace cuz wen HIV enters u,u wil remember ds day,u berra run to God to help ur case,cuz it’s nt “jst sex”….dere z actually somfin our body,erm shud I call it a chemical dt makes u emotionally attatchd to someone u have sex with,pls dnt koba urslf,see ds “sex” thingy frm a perspective dear,

    • jenni

      March 12, 2015 at 9:53 am

      Jesus! i did not just read this crap!!! Girlfriend! u are obviously not aware of how much worth you can place on yourself. So what if he has to eat okro for 50 years????? when there is always a way to switch it up with eba, semo, starch, fufu, amala, pounded yam, wheat, bread or even rice within the confines of the okro soup???? you only think it aint possible for a man not to cheat because you are a cheat yourself. A greedy one who is not satisfaied with only her husbands dick. Madam please re evaluate your thinking process before your eye see something.

  18. chi-e-z

    March 11, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    I was one of the ones who used to scream he don’t love you, run, you can’t just have sex and cheat until gbam I did not even cheat but was with sm1 else in the in between/ break stage. Did I have feelings for the guy no did I have infatuation for the guy..nope did I even so much as like the guy…nope so why did I do it out of pure neglect I felt ignored and needed to feel wanted again that’s it. so I’ll tell you now. sex can really mean nothing but neglect and I wish I hadn’t done it but the good part I was forgiven so b/c I’ve been there I can say it’s up to you to be willing to forgive and forget or not. I’ll definitely understand if my man felt neglected and had sex outside our relationship cause I have and b/c I love him but I’ve also learnt to do things to never make my partner feel taken for granted or neglected.

  19. Dubem

    March 11, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    Please, for those of you in celibate relationships, how do you all do it ? Boo is 31, I am 27 we have just began dating but I am scared this sex talk will come up. Le Boo is sexually active and I am V. My current dilemma is do I continue and make le boo understand that its only inside marriage this leg can open oh, however I doubt if he can endure. Or do I wait till somebody who shares the same idea as myself come along?. We are still in the early phase oh. Much as I like him, getting to the bridge of this sex things is scary. I have explained things to him, he is also worried if he can manage. We like each other and a looking at a possibility of settling down. Thanks.

    • chu

      March 11, 2015 at 2:14 pm

      What is your reason for remaining a virgin? That reason is what will keep you.
      When I was younger I wanted to remain a virgin because my mother told me good girls do so and I wanted to please God, but my convictions were not strong enough. I lost it to the first guy slick enough to get me. However years later I got a personal in depth relarelationship with God, I even covenanted my sexuality and never did shingba till i got married 8 years later.
      So is it possible to hold on? YES. Is it easy? NO.
      One thing I did was to never put myself around guys that did not have the fear of God like I did so it was easier to handle temptation.
      There will always be a Test, and this is where I understand the reader perfectly, before I got married I knew a guy just like her, and the ‘friendlationship’ grew to the point where we knew we liked each other, however when I knew he had the same beliefs. that he could not do without cheating in a relationship I had to walk away, trust me it wasn’t easy, I tried to rationalize with him so many times but he was brutally honest and said he couldn’t do without sex in a relationship, we were even in different states, so with much tears I walked away.
      Not long afterwards I hooked up with my husband who I had already known for 8 years and it was obvious he was God’s choice for me.
      So babe you have to ask yourself WHAT IS YOUR REASON FOR HOLDING ON? I pray God gives you the strength to hold on and a man that would understand.
      Sorry for the epistle.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 11, 2015 at 3:20 pm

      Everything you said.

    • jenni

      March 12, 2015 at 9:47 am

      On point Chu. On Point

    • D

      March 11, 2015 at 2:35 pm

      Do what you want to do not what others want you to do. Life is too short to have regrets and nothing in life is guaranteed, i.e said dude will be your “happily ever after”. If you decide to give it up then do it for the right reasons, that is, because you want to and without regret. You don’t want to become bitter about “opening your legs” when things don’t work out because guess what he is not going to care that he was your first or your last. So if you want to give it up because you are interested then do but if it is just to please him then make sure you are ready to live with the consequences should issshh hit the roof and please no one likes hearing “the o he was my first, i did it only for him” chorus. I am however an advocate of waiting till after marriage, that is a personal belief but this ain’t about me. My point is “DO YOU!!!”

  20. jefka

    March 11, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    i will say what my best friend says…….
    women like a guy who will lie to them, tell them sweet deceitful words.
    now back to d matter, i honestly think ds dude jst wants to chase u away.
    so biko, pack ur bags and baggages of i like him and i think i luv him and go back to being official with him.

  21. paloma

    March 11, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    hmmm…..

  22. Zee

    March 11, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    Please please please, don’t ! You will end up hating yourself. Might drop your self esteem

  23. Sweets

    March 11, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    The truth of the matter is that there are limited “GOOD MEN” out there so some women will have to settle down with the not so good men. What annoys me at times is when people see a couple and say “that’s who she’s dating? omg she can do better than that” really? why don’t you find her the man you think will be better for her. And with the way Nigerians put emphasis on marriage, some women will settle for any men they can find so that they can show off and say “I am married.” End of story

  24. Kemi

    March 11, 2015 at 7:57 pm

    Omg! This is so familiar, kinda like what i just exeperienced recently. Infact its someone in authority that i hold in high esteem, he suddenly became attracted to me, just as the writer said; he kept talking about my body but I shrugged it off.
    Imagine he coming to visit me and tried to have sex with me, he kept asking cam i handle it because he just wants to get physical and no commitment as he is in a relationship.
    Double wowza, this men are shameless and honestly i”ll never be that naive again. Thats why i dont take all these guys seriously…they just want ur body.
    God will help us

    • jenni

      March 12, 2015 at 9:58 am

      Amen! like i always say, Make God help me make ii no go love fool

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