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Aunty Bella: Mrs. He Doesn’t Deserve Me after Weightloss

BellaNaija.com

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We spotted this on Nelly Agbogu‘s instagram page. Nelly is an inspiring lady who lost major weight – Check out her BN feature here. Nelly has extended her wellness passion into a new line of freshly made health foods including gluten free/processed flour free/processed sugar free bread, jam and other goodies. You can order via her Instagram page.

One of Nelly’s fans shared this dilemma with her and she shared it on her page.
It will end in praise

***
Hello Nelly,

Been saying I will drop a line to tell you how amazing I feel you are, your multitasting is on flee! Kudos.

I too recently lost a lot of weight (65kg) am a mom too but I have a problem,
Since I lost weight I feel my husband doesn’t deserve me. Before you say anything let me explain.

I was really overweight and he would insult me, deny me of sex (over a year! and when I ask he will say doesn’t do fat girls) talk down at me and all.

Now I have lost the weight he is all over me, trying to show me off to his friends and asking me out like we just me.

I know it’s a good thing but I just feel since wasn’t (he doesn’t) deserve me anymore.

I worked hard for this body and this body deserves good love.

Am I wrong to feel that way?
***
This is a major dilemma, BellaNaijarians, share your thoughts.

85 Comments

  1. mae

    September 12, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    65 Kg?!! Wow! That’s a major feat, Congrats to her. As for your husband, he really doesn’t deserve you, you should have left him a long time ago…..what happened to for better or worse?
    He was you abusing emotionally. So sad

    • buzor

      September 14, 2015 at 9:08 am

      Have u thought of it this way…if the husband had not given her that attitude would she have thought of losing the weight…..most times women need not a push not two push but many pushing for them to get off their comfort zone my wife is a good eg of that….she just put to bed i have been telling what to do to burn of the fat but she keep procrastinating duo it doesn’t stop me from loving her….

    • MOM

      September 14, 2015 at 11:08 am

      ohhh puleeeeeeseeeeeeee. so he should abuse her and deny her sex for one week. is that the moral support for loosing weight . puleasssssseeeeee take a sit. HE DOESNT DESERVE THE NEW BODY. BUT ALL I WILL SAY IS PLS FORGIVE HIM. AND TEACH HIM A BIG LESSON. THE NEXT PERSON DOESNT DESERVE THE BODY EITHER. YOU ARE JUST THINKING OF TAKING A REVENGE. PLS KILL THE THOUGHT. YOU WILL REGRET IT LATER.

    • Bella

      September 18, 2015 at 12:41 am

      There’s a very big difference between giving a push and emotionally abusing someone. The later leaves scars. Giving a push could be ‘volunteering to work out with her’. Talking down on a woman bruises her self esteem which is really terrible. I’m not saying she should leave her husband but this ‘push’ you’re talking about doesn’t quite cut it.

  2. DoraBelle

    September 12, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way you’re feeling. Whatever attitude you give him now, he sure deserves it. But the truth is that since he’s your husband,you ain’t going nowhere. Starve him too so he’ll feel what you went through for 1 yr.

    • betterhealth.com.ng

      September 12, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      Dorabelle, In as much as i want to agree with you that she should starve him too, i believe that will be tatntamount to starving self. I seriously will not want her to go through that depravation again just because she wants to get back at him. They can talk this out. He should know that he was unkind to her and that he broke his vows. Hopefully he will apologise.

  3. omosi

    September 12, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    I know most men do nor like fat women and i am talking obese. However when she’s your wife and gained weight due to child birth, its only an insane man that will look down on such woman, most men dont know how to encourage their partner. It is so annoying, ooh now he is forming ‘you are the seixest woman alive’ rubbish, i do not advice that she leaves him but i certainly will not be deceived by the cheap show off. Please if you have a partner that is FAT or along the relationship added weight, encourage the person, work out together, eat healthy together, set goals and achieve them together,

    • Ebere

      September 12, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      Sorry hun but fat people, crippled people, short people, tall people e.t.c all deserve to be loved, choose your partner wisely in other to avoid things like this……..

    • Peaches

      September 12, 2015 at 8:53 pm

      @ Ebere U are right. Her hubby is wrong and from a medical aspect, someone been fat doesn’t mean they eat a lot. I just wish folks will get that correctly. Some folks are on steriod for med conditions, some folks have a Thyroid problem etc. So I HATE it when people are been mocked for their weight cuz U never know what they are battling with let alone her degrading her like that. Ur hubby would ve married someone like me chai .. 1yr starvation is an understatement..

  4. mrs chidukane

    September 12, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    You’re not wrong hunny, I would feel the same way too. However, I suggest you work it out.

  5. Truth

    September 12, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    No, you are not.
    You deserve better than that and he seems like an asshole.

  6. puzzles

    September 12, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    Na wa for some men o. insult the woman you vowed to cherish for the rest of your life and deny her sex because he doesn’t do fat girls? I bet he had been sleeping with other women.

    Madam, think carefully before you make a decision. Face the fact that he might have been cheating on you while denying you sex. If you know you can forgive him and move on, fine. But have a heart to heart talk with him and let him know how much he had hurt you. He should apologize for what he did.

    If you know you can’t forgive, you know what next to do.

    But then, I’m a single girl. wetin I know?

  7. Ebere

    September 12, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    What kind of man did you marry, if he talked down on you while you were on the big side and wants to flaunt you now that you are on the slim side, you should probably have a rethink and evaluate the situation carefully. I will never ask you to come out of your marriage, at least you have a brain to do the math yourself but a man that treats his wife like a PRINCESS was definitely raised by a QUEEN…………Shikena

  8. lotusflower

    September 12, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    He didn’t deserve you even when you were fat!

  9. I don't do fat girls!

    September 12, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    The husband’s insults is the motivation and result for her new body.. If he had embraced her fat ass she would probably weigh a thousand pounds by now

    • I don't do shallow people

      September 12, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      @I dont do fat girls! Your dumb ass is as shallow as they come!! You believe the emotional abuse she suffered is justified because she is now thinner? Although she is now physically appealing to the husband, he has damaged her internally, and his actions has negatively impacted their marriage. Had he encouraged in a sane way, her weightloss would have spiced up their marriage.

      Life happens, people gain weight due to childbirth, sickness, laziness etc, but as a spouse you do not get to chose when to be nice to your partner. While being firm, your duty is to be a backbone and help your partner through their struggles, not damage their morale.

      This is why we take marriage vows in front of man and God. That we wont forsake each other in troubling times. The husband is an asshole who clearly doesn’t take his vow seriously. I don’t even know what advice to give this girl about her shallow hubby!

    • Miss shallow

      September 12, 2015 at 5:30 pm

      Are you kidding me? What emotional abuse? I detest women who stop taking care of thier physical appearance once they get married – most Nigerian women. It’s disgusting. If I married you because your fat ass is appealing to me you better stay fat!

    • Tari

      September 13, 2015 at 10:56 pm

      I dony blame you, thats why you are still single. She should divorce him and get married to the husband you have arranged for her abi? Fake superficial thought pattern like yours.

  10. Iris

    September 12, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    She should talk to him about it. He needs to feel shame. If she wasn’t married I’d have told her to walk but since she’s inside they have to work through it I think, or at least try. He’s sha an asshole.

  11. nene

    September 12, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    honey, you’re married. if u were dating i would tell u to dump his ass. How could he treat u like that cuz of your weight? There are better ways to support your partner in losing weight like following him/her to the gym, etc. jeez some men. Do whatever ur heart tells you. I always advocate that we women and men know who we’re really dating before we tie the knot, ask questions and see how ur man treats certain people who are not like him or you, so you can tell what type of person he really is.

  12. Kelechi

    September 12, 2015 at 4:21 pm

    Tbh few men want fat ladies, it is the most turn off I get when I see any lady. Most of these ladies are the architect of their problem, and it is high time to stop blaming pregnancy. The fact that you ladies dish out food, doesn’t mean u should over feed yourself.
    I know for a fact, the amount of meat ladies hide beneath the food while dishing their own meal, thinking they are being smart, not knowing they are accumulating calories. When u look fat, ur sex appeal will be zero, even if u walk around with the best lingerie. There are three simple ladies code u have to abide by

    1) Ensure u are within size 8 – 10 while single, it could be more when married
    2) Act like u don’t go to toilet
    3) Be a good cook
    Believe me, is not that difficult..
    Disclaimer: Doesn’t apply to ladies who are naturally fat.

    • Andy

      September 12, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      Is your advice supposed to be funny ?

    • Nahum

      September 12, 2015 at 5:39 pm

      LMAO!!!!! “Act like you don’t go to the toilet”….did you just type that??? Are you INSANE???? So a woman should not void her bowels again??? Something that is natural to every living thing? Wow!!! I have truly heard it all. And I am sure you are a woman. Chai, life has very shocking surprises in store for people like you. No matter how hard you pretend, a man will treat you the way he wishes to treat you. Anyway, continue dishing out your foolish advice since it makes you feel useful.

    • damseldam1

      September 12, 2015 at 7:48 pm

      ?????? i like to think you were high when you typed all this nonsense

    • Rayg

      September 12, 2015 at 8:45 pm

      Much as I don’t agree with the 3 steps to a wedding ring above, we shouldn’t blame the men for not wanting a morbidly obese woman. if you had to lose 65kilos, that meant you were the size of 2 human beings. Honestly ladies, would you do a man that is twice the size of a normal human being, talk less about “doing” him???
      The shock treatment from the husband actually got her to reassess the situation and lost the weight, I am sure he was tired of the over eating, excuses and downright embarrassment of being with her. If she likes, let her leave now…he will find another babe to be warming his bed…wetin!

    • Iris

      September 13, 2015 at 1:38 am

      If a child fails a test and the parent beats the child with a wooden stick studded with nails the child may be motivated to pass the next one. That doesn’t make the parent’s method right. What her husband offered wasn’t support to help her lose weight or even tough love. It was cruelty and that kind of man can probably do worse. There were many ways to discuss her weight but he chose to be childish and vindictive. How many women deny their pot bellied disgusting looking husbands sex because of their appearance? As for your comment about someone else warming his bed, I’m not surprised at all that you said that given the first couple of things you said. It is better for any man or woman to be single than hang with your ilk.

    • Idomagirl

      September 13, 2015 at 3:40 am

      Nothing wey person no go read for here.

    • Mma

      September 15, 2015 at 11:30 am

      Are you smoking crack??? Or is there a joke in there that we missed?

    • Kbabie

      September 15, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      Who be dis?

  13. shirley

    September 12, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    Madam let me give you a real sincere mature advice, pay him back in his own coin but DON’T I repeat DON’T leave your husband over this petty nonsense. What he gave you was tough love! See if he didn’t complain about your weight, you would have continued to ballooned. You see, 65kg is a lot of weight loss and if you’re not 30kg or less than at this moment, then you were obese or borderline, irrespective of your height. If he took it easy on you, you would have been nonchalant about it. My own case was my brother, he was morbidly obese, he lives with me and I showed him pepper, would he disown me? I didn’t show him pepper because he was fat, frankly I didn’t care but his health was my worry, his breathing was heavy and he was always having issues, that’s what fat does. Now he is slim, showing packs abi abs and carrying girls up and down, I tell him did I do this for me or for you? He will say “ahhhhhaaannn sister you were too harsh joor” but my own is that it worked! That time I would tell him my car cannot carry two and a half extra persons in one person seat and I wont go with him.

    So madam look at it as tough love, now you can do shakara for him plenty and get your groove back but DON’T leave your husband! He didn’t leave you when you were obese, he just dished out tough love and that’s how some people know how to correct. Same with some men when their wives don’t have a jobs, they frustrate them and dish out tough love, eventually when they get the jobs, who gets the salary? Its still the wives at the end of the day and they can now do shakara. If the fat really bothered him,he would have left you for slimy, but no where in your post did you say you caught him cheating or with another slim girl. Even parents do it some time. My daughter when she doesn’t do as well as I expect in school and I know she could have done better, I cease every opportunity to remind her that her mates and her other brothers are doing fine and better, so until she improves and comes up to standard she wont be receiving the same treatment, sometimes she throws tantrums, tries to run away form home, asks me who her true mother is and bla bla bla in the end she always does better the next term.Who did she do it for me or her?

    Look madam your husband might not have gone about it the textbook way BUT he doesn’t hate you or love you any less, trust me. If we should hear his own side of the story, he might just, emphasis on MIGHT just say that you were lazy, ate everything in sight, never agreed to work out until his tough love scheme happened.I am sure you didn’t become that big in one year, so he probably saw it and ignored until it became too much, since you stated for a year in your post. Like I said show him shakara plenty and tell him that in similar cases in the future, he should relay his message to you sensibly and not be mean. Like I said, some people only know how to express tough love. Before berating the other person that shows tough love just think who stands to gain the most if I change what this person is talking about. Do you know he would have kept quiet about your fat and blame his lack of interest on medical issues and he would be getting it on outside, leaving you to continue ballooning? Madam please be wise, I know how it feels but take a look from his side too. This is for everybody, before taking the tough love route, make sure you exhaust every other route possible. Somebody above me said for better or worse, for better or worse doesn’t mean it should be worse when it can be better!.

    • Andy

      September 12, 2015 at 5:28 pm

      Madam, u are gonna have dyfunctional kids(daughter) if u are not careful. I mean how old is she and she’s already running away from home. My dear, ur harshness has long term effects but u won’t see it now. Anyways your cup of tea !

    • Natu

      September 12, 2015 at 6:12 pm

      Emotionally abusing an individual is tough love? How about supporting and motivating your partner. I guess that is too much to ask for.

    • anonymous

      September 12, 2015 at 6:15 pm

      its people like you that have made our lives miserable…..i grew up as a chubby girl with my twin brother and my dad made our lives Hell just because we were overweight…right from when we were 4…we were put through hell…it got to a point where he never bought us new clothes or presents because we were too big and according to him, he couldn’t find our size in the market…i entered high school and struggled to lose the weight but it wasn’t so easy for my brother…he went into depression and committed suicide later on because he could the mockery and my parents harsh words….my parents lied to every one that he had died of an illness when we knew how and why he died….its been 15 years…im still size 8…/not married and dealing with serious low self esteem because of how i grew up and what i faced…..you don’t how painful it is to hear your loved ones say such hurtful things to you…after enduring the bullying in school you come back home to another round of attacks….EMOTIONAL ABUSE is not helpful in anyway…believe me i know…i

    • anonymous

      September 12, 2015 at 6:16 pm

      *could not stand*

    • bukky

      September 12, 2015 at 7:39 pm

      OMG @anonymous, so sorry you lost you twin in that manner. Emotional abuse is not the way forward.

    • Peaches

      September 12, 2015 at 9:10 pm

      Size 8 U say! U are beautiful no matter what they say! Don’t let words bring U down… Don’t let does words define U. U’re amazing in God’s eyes. I’m sorry for d loss of your twin but put all that energy and be better. I’ll find true love.. And I know low self-esteem isn’t a good thing but u can arise and improve it. Only U can bring d BEST out of U.. Trust me I use to be a 16 and never felt bad about myself until a lady made fun of me.That bitch got me mad as hell & I’m down to 6. Today I’m laughing last cuz d tables ve turned. Now she’s as big as a house. It is well dear #HUGGIES#

    • Peaches

      September 12, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      @ Anonymous my comment goes to U and u will find true love.

    • lotusflower

      September 12, 2015 at 9:20 pm

      Wow! Sending positive vibes your way. Thanks for writing your story.
      And just to think, the poster above is so proud that all her daughter does is threaten to runaway. hmph.

    • I no send

      September 12, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      I’m so sorry about the horror you have been thru. Keep your head up hope this will be an eye opener to this judgemental people

    • Nahum

      September 12, 2015 at 6:35 pm

      Shirley, sorry to break this to you but you are a terrible and mean spirited person. You do not mock and ridicule someone just to get the best out of them. But people like you no go hear word, so my wish for you is to go through a trying and difficult time. A time when you are looking for love and support but no one will give it to you. I wish that for you with all my heart, so you can learn your lesson the hard way.

    • Iris

      September 13, 2015 at 2:13 am

      I pity your loved ones if you think this was tough love. God forbid!

    • Idomagirl

      September 13, 2015 at 3:34 am

      Emotional Abuse is not tough love. Na wa for una.

      How can you starve your wife of affection and belittle her constantly and someone calls that tough love? Tough love sounds like ‘honey, I love you, but if you don’t lose this weight you’re not going to be around to see our kids grow’… Not insulting and belittling her.

    • Manny

      September 13, 2015 at 9:41 pm

      100+ people liked the fact that this person’s young child has tried to run away from home several times????? Okay o

  14. Ms.b

    September 12, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    She loss 65kg or she weighs 65kg now?

  15. Andy

    September 12, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    Are you for real ???!!! Which planet did u fall from ??!! Jeez !!

    • Andy

      September 12, 2015 at 5:18 pm

      @ I don’t do fat girls

  16. anonymous

    September 12, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    I’m overweight….HELP!!!!!

    • Peaches

      September 12, 2015 at 9:02 pm

      Sweetie! Acceptance is the first key and realizing it is another key. Listen it’s DO-ABLE dear. I don’t know U but I feel your pain. I use to be a size 16 but best believe I’m a 6 now. Exactly a yr and 8months I made up my mind to dump my car. Everywhere I went I was using bus and train. 4days a week ( morning and night ) I walk 3-4hrs. I went to d gym. I was eating right n all types of food. 6-7pm I’m done eating I can take snacks. Its tough but determination and hard work can get u anything. Mind U I don’t drink sodas and I don’t eat junk till this day. But I heard and seen folks use Iaso tea and it is working for them. I heard is all natural herbs. So good luck and 30mins walk a goes a long way.

  17. Person

    September 12, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    Everyone saying he gave her tough love, I have a few questions. Did he go to the gym with her? Did he meal-plan with her? Did he pay for a personal trainer? Did he jog with her? No? Then, he needs to have several seats. Because this is what true love does. I have battled my mid-section all my life. No, I am not overweight but I am skinny-fat. The one person who ever complained about it exercised with me all the time. That’s tough love. Not this bullshit. He denied her of sex. Over ONE year. Ehn.? If I hear am. At the very least, he’s an asshole and at most, he’s an abuser. And yeah, saying ‘I don’t do fat girls’ is emotional abuse.

    I am not married tho, so I don’t know what I would do, but me sha, I can’t stay in a marriage where someone denies me of sex JUST because of my weight. And for a year.

  18. Belinda

    September 12, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    The husband is a shallow man. It hurts when someone we love isn’t perfect but there’s no one in the world who will not hurt you at some point of another. Leave him and the next man will have hurtful traits too, There is no greener grass anywhere so stay and tend your lawn. I’m sure most of your friends and relatives have hurt you at one point. Be upset with him, express it but when he apologizes and learns to watch his words, please just forgive and move on.

  19. dima

    September 12, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    How can I summit and entry please?

    • brighter grammar

      September 12, 2015 at 8:35 pm

      i’ll err give you all the editions of brighter grammer for free… I know, im nice like that

    • Bolu

      September 12, 2015 at 11:12 pm

      @brighter … u so shallow to even think that the petty stuff u wrote was more important than providing information the person needed.You could have Just kept it moving if u don’t know. English wey no even be your own. lols

    • ATL's finest

      September 13, 2015 at 4:12 am

      @ Brighter just because she’s didn’t type “Submit” means she’s need a brighter grammar book? There’s something called “Typographical error” how about u look that word up and thank me later cuz I’m nice like that too. Don’t forget people use touch screens these days and most of them are sensitive and applying auto correct when u didn’t ask the phone to. BTW check your spellings first before offering a book to someone; apparently, the grammar in your name is different from the ” grammer” in your comment.. So now who should we laugh at? Corrected must be the worse.. #BYEFELICIA#

    • ATL's finest

      September 13, 2015 at 4:14 am

      * she*

    • ATL's finest

      September 13, 2015 at 4:15 am

      *correcter must be the worse*

    • serene

      September 13, 2015 at 11:40 am

      U got no chill, I swear…lol

    • somtoo

      September 14, 2015 at 9:51 am

      Dear Lord, your kind @ brighter grammar can make people lose faith in humanity. Why cant people learn to resist the urge to criticize? Not everyone who comes on here can post error free comments. Are you trying to say the comment section is just for people who can write perfect English? The world will surely be a better place if we learn to stop putting people down. Whoever you are @brighter grammar, you need serious self evaluation.

  20. madman

    September 12, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    Nigerian women and their horrible advice. Stay with a man who rapes you, abuses you emotionally, physically, mentally…… so you don’t end up single. As of being single is a prison sentence. One time, I heard my mother tell a woman to stay with an impotent boyfriend with a family history of schizophrenia because she’s 35 yes old. You better manage him, she said. You’re not getting any younger. That’s absurd and very foolish.

    • Nahum

      September 13, 2015 at 1:36 am

      Don’t mind these women. God needs to save the Nigerian woman from foolishness because everyday, I get more and more baffled by their reasoning. You can be a size 8, 5foot 6, Snow White looking woman, if a man wants to dog you out, he will! I just don’t know why Nigerian women think they can change their men. This lady should just accept that the year her douche of a hubby was rejecting her, he had or still has, a steady girlfriend. What she does after that is her business.

    • Idomagirl

      September 13, 2015 at 3:37 am

      The thing dey tire person.

  21. Gia

    September 12, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    Shirley you are a special kind of horrible…

  22. Nelly Agbogu

    September 12, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    Omg!!!! Just seeing this!!! Bella featured,…. Oya please answer as I have not even replied

  23. nuellavista

    September 12, 2015 at 8:26 pm

    ….just humming Donna summer’s unconditional love & wishing we all new how to love unconditionally.
    Anyways I personally feel this is the time to regain your territory as the queen in your bedroom, I wish I could say pay him back in his own coin but I’m guessing the essence of the weight loss apart from health is also for aesthetics reasons.
    So girlfriend, don’t be afraid to show him you’re a sexy lady…Remain Beautiful!

  24. vivianmorh

    September 12, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    Shirly you are nt just horrible bt u are evil to the core. Ppl like u dnt deserve kids at all. Your love for ur child should not be conditional and never compare ur kid to odas. U are definitely a bad mother and i pray ur child doesnt end up dysfunctional due to various forms of abuse and insults. Tough love is saying the truth in a supportive manner nt bringin oda ppl down. The husband is definitely an asshole bt shirly u are in a different kinda league entirely with ur own form of evil. Bad mouthed ppl like u are the reason kids never reach dia full potential. UR CHILD SHOULD NEVER FIGHT FOR UR LOVE

  25. nuellavista

    September 12, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    *knew*

  26. I said so

    September 12, 2015 at 10:43 pm

    It breaks my heart to read this….nothing justifies this man’s actions. Madam, you married a certified ASSHOLE!!!! He has to be the biggest douchebag ever!!!!! Like how could he???

    And as for the Aunty Margaret Thatcher up there forming tough love by bullying her brother….SHAME ON YOU!!!! You are a DISGRACE….yes, i said it! Agbaya ni e!!! So i guess if he didn’t drop the weight, the bullying would have continued abi? You claim you did it for his own good…..now i am a healthcare practitioner and I know the gravity of being obese, from Hypertension, Hyperlipidemia, Risk of CVA, Sleep apnea, Arthritis, Diabetes, etc…..i lecture them on it alll… but while educating them, i also assist them in coming up with REALISTIC treatment plans/goals…and you know what,,, it works!!!! No one is perfect, and we all need a little help sometimes, I actually give more attention and I am way more gentle when I am dealing with patients who are overweight because typically they are already battling body image issues in this sick fat-shaming society… and i know how something little can set them off on a eating binge. So Madam Hitler, relax, what you are doing is not helping…..you are bullying

    Now about the poster, you really have to reconsider your relationship with your jackass of a husband. So what happens if you (hypothetically speaking) develop Hypothyroidism and your metabolism is so low you pack on the pounds and good ol’ excercise just can’t save you this time? I am assuming you will stay and endure the bullying right? Oh better yet something drastic happens……if he is can bully you overbeing overweight…..then you better believe he will WALK if you ever got sick and lost your hair,your looks or any other superficial bullshit reason he married you!!! You will eventually age……you will never look as youthful and glamourous as you looked in your prime…..all I can tell you is …goodluck when that happens!!!!

    And I will bet my bottom dollar the man in question is no Edris Elba. Weak people looooooveeee projecting their bullshit insecurities on others. I remember dating one asshole who was overweight back then…..as in all my boyfriends before where always ripped!!! ( Not that i was superficial or anything because I will date anyone as long as they can stimulate me mentally, and those where the kind of guys who approached me anyway). He was very intelligent, a surgeon too, but shallow as hell. It didn’t take long before I realized he saw me as a trophy, and if i ever got old and lost my looks he will be out the door. I walked on eggshells, my life revolved around making him happy……fuck my happiness….as long as my man was satisfied then i should be satisfied and happy too right,…..that’s what mommy taught us……. Feed him, screw him, never let him see you without you hair out of place, never challenge your man….good girls are docile, they are the lucky ones who get wifed and have happy marriages……BULLSHIT!!!!! I have since given society a middle finger a long time ago….I call the shots in my life!!!! No one gets to mold me and parade me around like some airheaded Bimbo!!!!

    No one can help you dear poster but yourself….you wear the shoes, you know where it pinches. If you are up for abuse then stay, if you feel you can do better, then babbbbbyyyyy leave that trifling ass no good negro and get to stepping. ,And can i just suggest you fall in love with yourself while you decide……like really, really……. fall in love with yourself. Amazing things happen when you do****wink***

    PS if you really think he was celibate for a year when he was denying you of sex, then honey, i have an oceanview property to sell you in Nevada…….

    • brown-ice

      September 13, 2015 at 1:45 am

      Your last paragraph got me lol

    • somtoo

      September 14, 2015 at 9:56 am

      hohohohhoho @oceanview in nevada…

  27. Go girl!

    September 12, 2015 at 11:08 pm

    You’ve taken vows with this emotionally abusive man. Try and work things out with him, express in very clear terms how his selfish ill treatment made you feel, mention other ways he could have encouraged you rather than the way he chose

    No sex for a year?! Mehnnnnnnn

    Don’t deny him sex o, give in …. Eventually but enh sister biko use a condom for now and insist he does a sexual health test in case his willy willy has been active the past one year. Make e no use STD destroy your fitfam hustle biko

  28. Mrs Oke

    September 12, 2015 at 11:19 pm

    Madam, i know he hurt you… you need to really make him see how much he hurt you… DO NOT WALK OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE PLEASE… But some men though…i was size 10 before i got pregnant and within 9months i became size 16!!! yes pregnancy dealth with me… huge stretch marks, swollen feet, face and nose the list was endless… i hated my body, i became depressed and the ONLY person who encouraged me was my HUSBAND!!! he kept telling me not to worry that it was pregnancy hormones that i should love my body and wait till i give birth so i can loose the weight gradually…its been one month since i gave birth and ive been starving myself to loose weight but he keeps telling me not to rush, to heal properly before trying to loose weight… Im size 14 now and he tells me im doing great… what a great encouragement for me to do more!!! marriage is for better for worse… i guess i am blessed because i cannot understand why a man who made you pregnant would condemn you… He ought to encourage her to loose weight in love and not make you do it out of revenge or to prove a point….pregnancy affects women in different ways some stay slim and sexy and some like me add weight but in all LOVE YOUR BODY and loose weight if you can!!!

    • Mae

      September 13, 2015 at 12:38 am

      Mrs Oke, so u loving how your husband lovingly encourages and motivate you, yet u telling her to stay with an ass because????? God help us

    • Mae

      September 13, 2015 at 12:39 am

      *motivates

  29. jane

    September 12, 2015 at 11:21 pm

    Wow. Losing 65kg? U must have been morbidly obese. There r 2syds to a story, sm ladies are just plain indulgent nd lack self control whr food is concerned. Beliv me I have seen such. However, kudos on losing d weight dear. That wasn’t easy! Ur husband was a big asshole buh his actions pushed u 2 do d ryt thing Wich is losing weight 2 stay healthy. If he was all encouragn, wld u Hv been soo disciplined nd determined? Mayb/ maybnot. However some lil paybck wnt hurt, prolly belittle sm feature in his body, react very adversly to his morning breath, buy a vibrator!!! Lol. Jux thinkn up funny shit. On a serz note, talk 2 him about it, nd how u feel now bcoz of his actions, den walk tru it 2geda. Nd biko keep stayn healthy(keep d pounds off)

  30. hatersgonhate

    September 12, 2015 at 11:49 pm

    shout out to all the MEN dating or married to Gabifresh, Tess Munster, fabellis, garnerstyle, saks in the city, everything curvy and chic, le blog de big beauty etc etc etc

  31. Idomagirl

    September 13, 2015 at 3:39 am

    Your husband sounds like that wicked man in Why Did I Get Married.

  32. Scarletlush

    September 13, 2015 at 9:13 am

    That you are now slimmer doesn’t mean there aren’t a million slimmer sexier younger ladies than you out there. God has answered your prayers and have cornered your husband’s attention back on you; so why are you grumbling? Forget those advising you on pay back cum tough love; African culture is hard on African women. Marriage and Love wasnt promised fair; and you need to deal with it. You worked excruciatingly hard to slim down to appease your hubby, now that he is smoldering you with hot love, why don’t you enjoy him and trap his heart all to yourself? Don’t forget there are roving eyes of snatchers watching to grab married men at any slightest opportunity! I hate to give you some instances using some celebs… If Maje could have a slim sexy rich wife like Toke and messed her up for a plain lady; if Danjuma could have a sultry queen like Carolina and is messing her up with a Chinese looking Danielle Allen who can’t match up to Caro’s look; then MADAM, thank God your husband has watched you transform from fat to slim and is all over you!

  33. Tunmi

    September 13, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    Divorce him

  34. Lade

    September 13, 2015 at 7:01 pm

    I would leave him. If not I would dream of poisoning him daily… best not to let that asshole lead me to take a life that is not mine. If you don’t want to leave him for whatever reason then make him suffer, find ways to ridicule him, make him feel 100x what you felt. Some women here will tell you that such actions will push him to other women…best believe that he has been cheating on you all this while so nothing new.

  35. Ozyy

    September 14, 2015 at 10:39 am

    I’m not even up to 65kg. I weigh btw 52 – 56kg. Madam I doff my hat for you. Well done.

  36. tweeny

    September 14, 2015 at 10:46 am

    Hi Shirley!!! First ! WELDONE!!!!!!
    I think you should talk to your husband first. the angry part of me would have said find something he is embarrased about or doesnt like about himself, and begin to hound him continously about it, one day when he flips, just say i thought you should know how it felt when you always called me FAT!, quick question: If he wasnt sleeping with you for a year, who was he sleeping with?
    My advice is : Forgive him, (For your own peace) LOVE YOURSELF ,talk to him about it, tell him he hurt you, tell him how you really feel…. then from his reaction, decide what to do… ALL THE BEST!!!

  37. Mariana

    September 14, 2015 at 8:46 pm

    I was with my ex for 3 years n 6mthns n he cheated on me so we split, before he left me, we were planing to get married in the future, I loved him so much but I became tired of him lying to me every time he opens his mouth, I went into search for help in the internet, I tried many different spells from almost every place locally as well as online and none of them worked, I almost gave up hope because I thought i will never see my lover again forever, one day i saw some testimony about this powerful spell caster Great zula i emailed him and i asked him to help me bring back my lover and he did A Lover Spell for me And after some days, my lover returned back to me I’d like to say that i got a positive result from ([email protected]) ever since i used his love spell, my lover have learned to appreciate me more and more day by day, and he doesn’t take me for granted,

    Mariana Charles.

  38. Saynotovoodoo

    September 16, 2015 at 10:56 pm

    What the hell?

  39. Jennifer

    December 1, 2015 at 11:36 am

    I love the part where you said he is trying to ask you out like you Just met that nice, i think He is feeling sorry for hurting and doesn’t know how to come up front and apologise. See marriage is very lovely when there is understanding and forgiveness, those people telling you to leave him they are been beaten by their spouse. Simple Just tell him what he made you through and hear his respond.

  40. ty (typearls lifestyle)

    October 24, 2016 at 8:16 pm

    One feels spurned and rejected sometimes especially by the loved ones who are supposedly to know better and encourage. But you overcoming it all shows you are also bigger than revenge.

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