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Sugabelly’s Story…It Could Be Your Daughter or Sister

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Sugabelly at 17 years old

Sugabelly at 17 years old

Right this moment, Sugabelly is trending on Twitter and all around the Nigerian social media web.

Who is Sugabelly and why is she trending?

A few days ago, blogger and illustrator Sugabelly’s story of a toxic relationship, abuse and rape which started when she was 17 years old went viral.

Anyone who was part of Nigeria’s blogsville or has been a part of Nigeria’s twittersphere will know that this is not the first time the story is being told. Far from it. As far back as 2007 while the situation was ongoing, readers of Sugabelly’s blog were exposed to snippets of the story. She was 17. He was 25. It started as a crush and progressed to a sexual relationship. Then from there, something darker. She had been sexually abused as a child. This toxic relationship at age 17 built on that trauma. The relationship allegedly involved coerced sex with his friends, threesomes, physical and emotional abuse.

Sugabelly is now 26 years old. This is the first time she is sharing her entire story. In her words, “I’m so tired of keeping this secret, because I shouldn’t have to.”

I am not going to rehash the story or name names. This is Sugabelly’s story. It is a harrowing story and it is best for her to tell it her own words and this, she has done. Google is indeed your friend.

What I will like to talk about is the backlash she has received. The intense disbelief…that this cannot possibly be real. Why did she keep going back? A lot of people have questioned why she ‘went back’, sometimes daily, and to her own admission, called and chatted with him for years after the abuse.

sugabelly-anon-rape

Critical Online Comment

I was not there. I cannot say 100% that everything she is saying is 100% accurate but this is a pivotal story. It is a story that we can all learn from. Sugabelly could be your sister or daughter. 

Right now, this talented young artist is on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. In the past, she tried to jump off a bridge and has experienced suicidal episodes. She is working hard to heal the wounds of her past.

I have lived long enough to know that she is not alone. I have read so many stories in the comments right here on BN. Stories people have never told anyone in their “real lives”. From childhood sexual abuse to being victims of domestic abuse as adults. In most of the cases, they were paralysed with fear, they too never spoke out and the abuse continued for years.

Sugabelly artI am writing this because no matter what comes out of Sugabelly’s case. I hope that we learn lessons so that the next young girl or boy is protected.

  • We must empower young girls and boys with confidence they cannot be groomed.

Here’s an excerpt about grooming:

Grooming works by mixing positive behaviors with elements of abuse. At the beginning, all behaviors are positive. Slowly, abusive elements are added in amounts that surprise the survivor to an extent, but do not push alarm to a high level. Overtime, the inappropriate comes to feel normal.

  • We must protect our daughters and sons from childhood sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse is too rampant in Nigeria. It is often swept under the carpet. There is barely any access to therapy after the horror which should never have happened in the first place. This is the negative foundation of so many problems all through life including vulnerability to future abuse.
  • We must teach our sons to respect women.
  • We must be vigilant and speak up. This relates to family, friends, co-workers and even strangers.

 

The story has brought on both criticism and support, including from activist Oby Ezekwesili and journalist Funmi Iyanda 

 

We welcome your comments. However, any names of the victim or accused will be deleted for legal reasons.

68 Comments

  1. 90210

    November 27, 2015 at 5:13 pm

    I was waiting for Bella to post this.

    I hope this opens up the floor for a painful, awkward but truthful conversation about Rape in this country

    • May May

      November 27, 2015 at 5:31 pm

      Not just rape in this country; rape worldwide.
      Such a sad story.

    • Me

      November 27, 2015 at 8:47 pm

      I do believe sugabellys story, most sons of the elite especially the northern ones are bloody monsters (they are either drug addicts, users or Sex addicts, it’s a shame though that most of their victims are olojukokoro or Mumu in love southern girls) At the same time I think sugabelly does have her own personal mental and spiritual issues she needs to sort out (Spirits attract spirits) She should forgive them, give it to God and move on with her life.

    • Mide

      November 28, 2015 at 12:38 am

      I absolutely have been under several rocks, just stumbling on this whole story now…the name rings a bell, I think the first time I heard this name Sugar belly was bout 2 or more yrs ago, on linda’s blog…she was bragging on twitter about being the girl who someone’s husband wanted but won’t admit in public., about being able to take him places she wouldn’t dream of…and so on… I thought it was crazy…. didn’t realise the story had part 2 and 3 and then some….. O boy!

      I guess as Nolita suggested, I will have to get the details from Google, but as for the age and rape issue, we have a long way to go… I hope she does more than talk online… real change will only happen when the justice system gets involved…

  2. laila

    November 27, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    So very very sad. I believe her

  3. FasholasLover

    November 27, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    I stumbled on her blog two days ago and l couldn’t stop reading. She was 17 when this abuse started. What do most people know at 17 especially for teenagers from dysfunctional backgrounds? For me, she is not lying. I wish this our Naija is a better society so that the – guy and his friends could just go kool off in jail. You will be surprised at what goes on behind closed doors especially when you think you can get away with it. Not to talk of in a lawless jungle like Nigeria where there are different laws for the poor and not connected and the wealthy.

    It takes courage for a girl to come out/speak out like she has done in a very judgmental/puritanical society like ours. I choose to believe this girl.

  4. dazel,s mum

    November 27, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    God heal you dear. You are made For greater purpose! Let your light burn and shine bright!

  5. southerbelle

    November 27, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    i was waiting for yall to post this story . Rape needs to be addressed properly because some people are of the notion that it is only when it involves young children or virgins that’s when it can be classified as rape.that is very far from it.

  6. temilola

    November 27, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    I believe her story and admire her bravery to write about this. I hope she gets justice

  7. Big Tee

    November 27, 2015 at 5:56 pm

    I believe her!!!! as young boy, I was first touched inappropriately by my aunt, later on she forced herself on me, ever since, I don’t trust girls, and when I became an adult, I still was scared of women, that phase in my life lead me to avoid emotional attachment at all cost….please protect your children, I stand with Sugabelly, this should not happen to anybody again. NEVER!!!

    • Kokoro Dudu

      November 28, 2015 at 9:24 am

      Every small boy’s dream 🙂

    • Bleed blue

      November 28, 2015 at 11:59 am

      @kokoro Dudu
      What a retarded comment! I don’t think I have ever insulted anyone on BN but I’m raging to hurl choice insults at you right now. Let me maintain my calm and just say you should try and be sensitive to people’s issues.

      Because some discussions amongst perverts may have led you to believe small boys like being touched does not make it true or funny.
      Be guided in your utterances.

  8. victim

    November 27, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    The only peace I got after I was raped was the fact that I didn’t cower down..i told my folks and the dude faced hell. Not every rape victim is lucky to have an ex-military Dad like I do, which is why it was easier to have the guy dealt with before being handed over to the police. Most rape victims don’t find peace bcos even immediate family blames them for the ordeal. The moment we begin to stop pointing fingers at the victims and shame the perpetrators, the better.

    • lorde

      November 27, 2015 at 7:53 pm

      You are a brave woman.. In my case.. I was not a teenager.. tHis happened to me just last month..If anyone has ever watched the movie “for colored girls ” then you wld remember that horifying rape scene from the kind of gentleman one wld least suspect.But this was my reality…Nd through God nd counselling I am slowly healing.. I did not report my case because I chose not to be associated with rape.. Nd tht.. I knw was Incredibly selfish because I cld hv prevented him frm hurting another woman… but for me.. The thought of being “the girl Hu was raped” was not smthing I wntd to be.. PLEASE AND PLEASE… ANYONE WHO HAS DEALT WITH THESE ACCUSERS.. SPEAK UP… SUGABELLY IS CLEARLY NOT ALONE..

    • Girl

      November 28, 2015 at 9:29 am

      I CAN SOOO RELATE TO THIS BEING ” THAT GIRL WHO EAS RAPED” JUST MAKES YOU FEEL POWERLESS AND IT REMINDS YOU OF YOUT POWERLESSNESS DURING THE ORDEAL

    • Olashore 2004

      November 28, 2015 at 3:02 pm

      I was sexually assaulted by 12 of my classmates…I raised hell…..Got punished by the school for “making myself available to be assaulted” while the boys got slaps on the wrist…women up one morning in tears after a night of tossing and turning then I stopped myself naked in tears and cursed them all to their 7th generation… This happened sometime in May 2004. After 5 years one of the boys called me out of the bloom begging and I forgave him and asked God to cancel the curse over him. I have forgiven the rest but a curse backed by a cause will stand….

    • Olashore 2004

      November 28, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      *woke not women
      *stripped not stopped

    • lorde

      November 28, 2015 at 5:26 pm

      @Girl.. its like.. I have so much to offer… I don’t need any of my accomplishments to be good “despite being a rape victim”.. I accomplish alot because I am amazing at what I do.PERIOD!. AND I KNOW IT… @Olashore…. Wen we tlk about education on sexual abuse it is not just for men.. It shld be for everybody.. There shld never be an excuse for a man who cnt control his libido.. Nd a lot of women in our society Need to understand that nd hold men accountable… because there is no body in the world Hu wld make an excuse for a woman who rapes a man nd says “well he was sagging nd so I saw his nyansh”… no body wld accept that excuse.. so why accept such excuses frm men.. @Olashore what you expirienced was just typical nigerian behaviour… blame the victim.. because clearly you must hv done smthing to attract their attention nd it cnt possibly be their fault..

    • Olashore 2004

      November 28, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      *blue

  9. dee

    November 27, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    Bless you Sugabelly. Hope you find peace.

  10. demash

    November 27, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    I’ve been visiting her blog for a couple of month’s and she’s an incredible and intelligent writer well advanced beyond her years. We men need to train our boys to respect women and not treat them as chattels like it was in this case. The chaps took advantage of her vulnerability and in truth this sort happens more often than we hear. It takes a godly and strict upbringing not take advantage of a smitten and naive young brood. In my early university days, a young teenage girl who loved me and I did care for, offered herself to me but i refused and told her it was not time for that yet that i needed to focus as I just got into University. We connected decades later on facebook and she has nothing but respect for me, but at that time it look a lot fear and restraint on my part not to oblige her. I believe this is what happened in Sugabelly’s case and things went too far.

    Somethings amiss though , she claims her prime aggressor was 25 at that time (9 years back) but i hear he’s been propped to take over as his late father’s candidate in their state elections; the party officials claim he’s 43.

    • emma

      November 27, 2015 at 7:16 pm

      You know how much these Ni**ers in politics lie about practically everything. Its either this guy lied to sugabelly about his age or his people are helping him to lie about his age so that he would get more respect from people since he has interest in the office of the governor..

    • demash

      November 27, 2015 at 11:18 pm

      apparently it’s the accusers elder brother that is being groomed to take-over from his late dad.

  11. The Buttery Hotness

    November 27, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    Sometimes, I imagine getting raped…or people dear to me getting raped, and I experience this drowning, blacking panic attacks. I cannot even begin to imagine what rape victims go through…it must be the heaviest burden for a person to bear and I don’t think they can really get over it.

    This girl is really brave to come forward with her story. Sad thing is, she was shamed and mocked as I heard. A lot of people didn’t (and still don’t) believe her. I understand that there are times where people falsely accuse others of rape. However, I think a rape accusation should be taken with more than a pinch of salt. It is alarming, I suppose, how many people are silent about their ordeal for reasons such as shame, mockery, and the stigma attached to it.

    My heart goes out to this young woman, and every victim of rape. I pray that God will heal you and fix together every broken pieces. That experience does not define you. It does not define you today, and it sure as air will not define you tomorrow. For what it’s worth, I’m in your corner and I will fight for you.

    When will people understand that no is no? You have no right whatsoever to touch a person if they do not want you to. I flipping do not care if the person is dancing naked in front of you. If you do not get a yes, please maintain your lane. Rape is a horrific experience.

    • The Buttery Hotness

      November 27, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      I apologise for the long epistle (x_x) but I just wanted to add something.

      It’s rather unfortunate that we keep saying “oh, why did she go back, oh, why did she keep going back”, etc etc. Obviously, a lot of us don’t understand the human mind. It’s like saying, why did he remain married to her for 20 years when he hits her every morning? It’s abuse too. Abuse is abuse, whether mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I know a ton of women in my parents’ generation who have remained with husbands who hit them till today. Let’s not even get into people who remain with serial cheating spouses for the mere reason that they don’t think they can do any better. When a person’s self-worth/esteem is low, it leaves a breeding ground for continuous abuse. This guy got into her head and messed her up psychologically. That’s what abusers do. They break you down until you think that you cannot simply be without them. They break you down, piece by piece, until you are programmed to do their bidding.

      I can go on and on, but let me leave small room for other commentators. I’ll just say this: Just because we are a bit stronger than some does not mean we should throw our empathy out of the window. x

    • Localchic

      November 28, 2015 at 12:48 am

      You summarised it perfectly. Abuse us abuse

  12. pained

    November 27, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    Rape victims are shamed, Rape advocates are usually asked cynically and condescendingly “it’s like you’ve been raped before. Pffft”…It takes a lot of courage to come out. Sugabelly I salute you. What you did has opened floodgates. You’ve given us victims of rape a voice. It could happen to anyone. I am in your corner!

  13. bees

    November 27, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    I was almost gang raped once…they didn’t succeed. what pained me most was not the brutal attempt, it was the response from the women in my life. I was told i must have worn something inappropriate, shey you know that you have hips nau…I must have been rude to the area boys…do you greet your neighbours properly(that was my aunt speaking)…so even if I had defaulted in the above areas, were those animals justified in targeting me? sugabelly sorry, I feel you

  14. Lem

    November 27, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    The worst thing for me is the ‘victim shaming’ it’s bad enough that it happened the person has courage to speak up and then the SOB’s come out of the woodwork. She was chopping his money, what was she doing in his house? Why did she keep coming back? And surprisingly some of the people saying these things are women like that b Grace Mugabe who said if you don’t dress well and are raped you have yourself to blame. So men can’t control themselves? They are in so much heat that we have to do all things possible to prevent the dragon within from being unleashed. May God help us in this country

  15. Marvel

    November 27, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    Sweet talking aside, I couldnt wait for BN readers to talk about this. It was torture reading non-lateral thinking types on NRLND call her names. People, one of the reasons I offer sex education for parents of children is the number of sexual predatory incidents currently on the rise. The religious bodies keep advocating for abstainance that is not working, but no sex advice or guidance (as plan b) is offered. Sugarbelly went to Loyola, so it fair to assume she comes from a Catholic background. Abstainance aside, she most likely couldnt address any sexual matters and or incidents with her parents. These people should be the first you go to in any situation, regardless of how akward and or embarrasing.
    Nigerian parents must wake up And learn more skills. Parenting these days requires so much training and skillset. So many children are vulnerable. I will not leave any child of mine in a boarding school because they need a lot of guidance and reassurance in their teenage years.
    Sugarbelly is very descriptive so it is hard not to be partial to her account. May God bless her!!

    • Loyola alum

      November 28, 2015 at 2:23 am

      I went to Loyola at the same time with -, we had sex education almost every year

    • Tari

      November 28, 2015 at 12:28 pm

      This matter pass sex education o.
      The family structure was completely broken.
      I read her blog years go and arrived at the sad conclusion. Thegilr has been in a very dark place for years.
      Very intelligent girl who has been failed by her parents.

  16. Kemaj

    November 27, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    Sugarbelly’s case goes beyond rape. The case has a lot to do with negligence from her parents or guardians, it has a lot to do with lack of moral standards and a lot to do with lack of self esteem or respect for self. A lot to do with denial of Love from the home.
    While reading the story I cringed at what she described, I shuddered to imagine all that going on and no one not a single person caring enough to notice she was going into an abyss. When I read the story I got more scared for her and the comments by the writer above just further fortified my fears. Is she on suicide watch as we speak,? Is someone looking after her? Cos I cannot imagine the self loathing she feels that she carries around with her.
    PLEASE, whoever her friends are should please look out for her cos believe me, this is her darkest hour.

    • Mamacita

      November 27, 2015 at 7:53 pm

      @ Kemaj absolutely! I keep wondering what the f- her parents were doing!
      I feel sorry for her but other than give her the best of what money can buy, why didn’t her parents give her the best of what money couldn’t buy? I’m both shocked and angry.

    • demash

      November 27, 2015 at 8:05 pm

      if u go thru her blog, her dad was absent & she had a strained relationship with her mum. She was clearly emotionally vulnerable.

    • Tari

      November 27, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      You have hit the nail on the damn head.
      This kid has been failed by poor parenting, whichever way you slice it.

  17. she

    November 27, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    About 15 years back, I was raped at 20 by an older rich married man. He had bn asking me out for sometym n I kept turning him down. On dat faithful day he stylishly lured me into a Car n drove from lagos to a nearby state. I was too scared. He checked into d hotel, I was still scared. I was on my period n felt he wldnt dare. I begged n cried. But He did dare. I was in white clothes and ended up all bloody. I hated myself. I told him off and tried to move on. months late he came with a marriage proposal. To my folks. I told my family what he did but they told me to hush it n accept d proposal. That he was simply showing his LOVE. In Nig, it’s all abt d money o. If u scream rape ur family may deny u sef. Am so glad I didn’t end up with such. I married a man who knows wn No means NO. And who neva took advantage of my vulnerability or family’s lack of money. I grew up to have my own money n be content with it.

    • lorde

      November 27, 2015 at 7:56 pm

      Oh dear… I am so sorry… I got the Hotel thing too.. The “shut up it isn’t rape”.. thankfully he ddnt propose to me.. bt he kept saying if he wasn’t engaged to be married he wld hv married me.. Nd I wld never in a million years accept.. All I can do is feel sorry for the woman Hu will say yes to him… she has no idea the monster she is marrying..

  18. wot of husbands?

    November 27, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    Many husbands simply don’t know that NO means NO,sometimes I. Feel used and abused cos he has never accepted my No. But will always have his way! Is this normal B,ers?

    • Beeeee

      November 27, 2015 at 8:08 pm

      You know Africans have been conditioned to believe that a husband cannot rape his wife. Horrible! Sorry for what you are going through. Question though, what are your reasons for saying no? Have you tried speaking to him?

  19. Engoz

    November 27, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    These unreported rape stories I’m reading here are heart-breaking. Lord give us direction to address these issues properly because right now I feel like shooting all our senators. Nigeria continues to refuse to clamp down on sexual crimes. We have a sexual problem people.

  20. Tari

    November 27, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    I gave up on rapenin our society the day I found myself isolated in the discussion about STORY FOR THE GODS by olamide.
    Supposedly intelligent and sane people were rationalizing rape.
    I am a man and I remain deeply convinced that NO IS NO. It does not matter whether she is a runs girl or your wife.

  21. Anon

    November 27, 2015 at 9:35 pm

    Just read this blog – I dont know who this person is , but Bella this is how you should have presented this topic!
    Talk about Rape culture not Sugabelly

    beingbola.com/blog/if-i-got-raped/

  22. Ghen Ghen

    November 27, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    Can a person be raped by oral sex?
    I was raped orally by a minister of the FRN.
    if i write his name now, you won’t post!

    • Tari

      November 27, 2015 at 10:12 pm

      Sexual activity without express consent is rape.
      It does not matter whether you enjoyed it or not.

    • Isaac

      November 28, 2015 at 10:51 am

      Kindly inbox me. We will take this up and offer you help.. 563DF15C

    • chattymind

      December 3, 2015 at 6:32 pm

      Yes… Oral Sex is RAPE if you did not consent to it.

  23. Ufuoma

    November 27, 2015 at 9:52 pm

    I wept the entire time I as on her blog reading this story, my God I cannot imagine anything worse than going through this for months and not being able to escape from it, I feel this need to just hug and hide her from all the cruel comments and keep her safe. If she ever has to raise funds for a good legal team I will do donate to a go fund me account, she needs justice

  24. survivor

    November 27, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    I have been raped not once but twice in very different circumstances. Some would say you probably did something to deserve it but there is no justification for taking advantage of someone. I know people that have not been able to live with their reality after that or give up on values simply because they feel that they deserve to be devalued.

    I applaud the women that speak out about it something I have never been able to do. One of my aggressors was detained by the police only because I had people who fought to see him pay. Many years later he committed suicide- I’d like to feel bad about that but I don’t.

    Nobody deserves to be robbed of their self worth EVER

    • Anonymous

      November 28, 2015 at 12:31 am

      Are you serious? She spoke about when she didn’t want and he forced her to do it several times. It doesn’t matter if the woman is a ‘ arm girl, it doesn’t matter if they are dating, if she says no and the fool continues, it’s rape!!!!! It doesn’t matter if she went back to him, if she said no and he forced her, it’s rape! People need to recognize that.

  25. nene

    November 27, 2015 at 11:18 pm

    i’m sorry but rape is NON CONSENSUAL SEX, how is she claiming to be raped when she consented and it happened more than once. there are real rape victims out there that had no choice and they were raped. yes, maybe she was abused but she wasn’t rape. even in a court of law, the rape charge won’t hold true.

    • Shandi

      November 28, 2015 at 10:07 am

      You are part of the problem Nigeria and Africa as a whole are facing today; SHUT UP!
      So she consented to be gang raped? If your brain is on vacation, please avoid leaving commmets for the time being.

    • Rampage

      November 29, 2015 at 7:39 am

      I almost agreed with you there, but she was 17 at the time. There is clearly a legal case for statutory rape.

      If this happened at her present age, I’d be 100% with you.

  26. Nemo

    November 27, 2015 at 11:27 pm

    Most readers of the story are rationally challenged by Sugabelly’s personality. At first, I also found it hard to take her seriously (especially after checking her tweet history). But… Experiences change people. When I realized that and reflected on what the people I’ve always known were psychologically like at age 17, I saw things differently. Whatever opinion we hold of this, context is key…

  27. Dee

    November 28, 2015 at 12:09 am

    How wasn’t she able to escape from it? She wasn’t kidnapped… She wasn’t married to him… She chose to come and go.. She never said he threaten to kill her or anything like.. He rapes you, report it or avoid him. A lot of girls have rape stories, I have mine as well but did I go back to hanging out with my rapist? No!

    • Bleed blue

      November 28, 2015 at 12:09 pm

      It’s not a “one size fits all” approach you should use to look at these things.

      Your background is different from hers. Your experiences are different from hers. Your support system is different from hers. Try to see beyond your own perimeter.

    • Anon

      November 29, 2015 at 1:04 am

      @Dee, this is a classic case of being in an abusive relationship, be it physical, emotional or sexual, and staying. God forbid that you were in a relationship with the bastard who raped, and even thought you were in love with him, and at age 17? Who knows how that story may have turned out. And besides, she’s responded to this on her blog. Her abuser had a sex video and images of her which he threatened to release if she stopped doing what they wanted.

  28. memebaby

    November 28, 2015 at 12:55 am

    I hope this case won’t be thrown out the window like ese and COZA’s pastor (?) .. I used to read sugar’s blog years back and she really sounded like a disturbed person.. i just had to stop reading her blog… It all makes sense now..if you go way back to 2007 she would make post about this guy and rape stories.. My prayer is she finds justice..
    parents need to do better.. single parent or not…

  29. BaE

    November 28, 2015 at 2:42 am

    BellaNigerians, we can all come here and make all sorts of diagnosis, theories, and come to our own conclusions. For those of you whom have never experienced rape or abuse, you can never ever ever understand..Never. I admire her courage, it takes guts, real guts to come out like this,
    I was physically and emotionally abused for most of my early teenage years by my pops, it was only in my late twenties I realised I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. took me a while to face and accept what had experienced, after a visit to a psychologist(GOD bless that woman). I was able to begin unburdening myself of all the filth. Till this day, I hate being abruptly physically touched by anybody,man, woman, or child,the word “father” disgusts me, I detest those who take advantage of others because of their higher status or weakness in others.
    Sugabelly needs to be cleansed psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally..freeing yourself from the side effects of bad experiences is hard,with or without pills, its hard.. The nightmares are a problem, you are always looking over your shoulder, you never truly trust anybody, no matter how nice they seem, and one sudden unexpected touch,pat, or nudge in a particular area of your body can set you off on a tirade. At the end of the day God is our only refuge, not man.

  30. mommasgirl

    November 28, 2015 at 6:05 am

    sugabelly, I applaud you and I will keep you in my prayers.
    The folks that keep saying, “why did she keep going back?” I understand your point because I was once as judgmental as you guys are. I lacked empathy and I never understood why people went back to their abusers. By the age of 16, I was the “relationship adviser” and always wondered “what the girl was doing with this abusive, manipulative guy” until I faced my own battle.
    I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years from the age of 16 until 23. He was 7 years older than me. This guy beat me, stalked me, manipulated me and ripped me of my self esteem. Yet I was blind to all this. Everyone around me saw that the only way it could end was if he eventually killed me but I thought he was going to change. I thought he loved me and just had a terrible temper. He was a pastor and I believed in every prophecy and every word he uttered. He told me how I was going to die if I left, how we were ordained in heaven…….many ,many, many lies. The ordeals I suffered from this guy were not brought to my reality until this guy eventually broke up with me and even then, i still kept on begging him. I never realized the big favor God had done in my life.. Then, I really sat down and thought about what I had gone through. He is 30 now and has moved on with another 18 year old girl in his church.
    Moral of the story…………….. If you have never experienced it and you have nothing good to say. Shut up. !!!!! Stop being judgmental. You can never understand except you have experienced it.

  31. Ada

    November 28, 2015 at 9:29 am

    Lol, Ezekwisili is one to talk. Woman needs to check her backyard before she comes out and starts screaming women’s rights activist.

  32. lape

    November 28, 2015 at 11:49 am

    From all I’ve read I think the society is at fault. Families are not what they used to be. Imagine how both she and the guy grew up, background, morals and all. Thats the main problem here. Most people will always take advantage once they see an opening. So I don’t blame the guy. As for sugabelly, I feel so bad for her because she doesn’t have a sense of self worth. Even now going through her blog just breaks my heart. She sounds broken. Self confidence is too important. I thank God for God in my life. I’ve never let any human being have such a hold over me even at 17. All we can do is raise our kids properly and let them know there’s more to life than just now, there’s eternity. Whatever seems like a do or die affair will still pass away.

  33. Missatl

    November 29, 2015 at 4:36 am

    What are people here talking, everyone that has commented and many that haven’t commented all had sex at or b4 17…so u all need to call out them folks who did it with or to you also.. cos as everyone is saying, sex at 17 is not consensual.

    • xxx

      November 30, 2015 at 3:58 pm

      Had sex before 17 with a man of what age? A grown experienced man that chooses to manipulate you or someone closer in age that you explored with? If it was the older manoption, yes, such girls should speak out because that is rape.

  34. Rani

    November 29, 2015 at 8:35 am

    Were you 17 , young , naive , from a troubled home and in love with your rapist? I’ve read her blog and it’s heartbreaking how young and naive she was, her mind was a fertile ground for the grooming that took place by her abuser. Those men are animals.
    Like someone commented context is key…..

    Also focus should stop being on what the victim did or didn’t do to what her attackers did that should not have been done.

  35. beautiful soul

    November 29, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    It really does bother me when the victims become the offenders. In my case I was accused of seducing my rapist cos I tend to wear a lot of shorts when i’m home. Till date I’m still in denial, I can’t come to terms that my flatmate raped me. It’s bad enough that you’ll have to live with the pain for the rest of your life but when your other neighbors think you’re lose and they keep making advances at you based on what they heard, you have another thing coming. I practically moved to another neighborhood leaving most of my things for fear of been found and harassed all over again. It’s really crazy how 10 horrifying minutes can alter the course of you life, wish I had the courage like her to speak up and call names.

  36. Strong

    November 29, 2015 at 7:13 pm

    I was raped for almost every day for two years iIwas twelve then, I didn’t even have boobs. I was just a skinny and scrawny kid. I couldn’t tell anyone because prior to that I was a very mischievous kid. I knew no one in my family would believe me, they’d just think I’d was looking for trouble and making stuff up so I kept it to myself and it continued. Plus I was really really scared. And it continued until when I was fourteen when I missed my period. Luckily for me it was only late and came two weeks later. That fear made me overcome the fear I had for him. It was only when there was a fear bigger than the fear I had for him that was when I was able to stop him. After moving on from me, he raped another girl or attempted to but they kept the matter hush hush and made the girl go away, they blamed her. The guy wasn’t even the one on the hot seat. For that I was glad I didn’t tell anybody

  37. Logic

    February 14, 2016 at 4:51 am

    Rape is a heinous crime and absolutely deplorable. However, your own experience with rape, should not make you have sympathy for this disturbed young woman.

    It has come out that she has been obsessed with Mustapha for years, sending him all sorts of sordid messages AFTER he allegedly raped her and got mad after he said he was getting married.. She should continue with the Lesbianism and leave this man alone to grieve

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