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LofeMide: The Single Story of the Monster Mother-in-Law

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dreamstime_l_29642076The terrifying picture of how unbearable in-laws can be does not wait for you to marry. It manifests in your neighbour’s house, reaffirms its existence in the gist your mother and her friends share. And if you need any confirmation, Nollywood will gladly do the honours. The result is that long before we say ‘I do’, we have already mapped out strategies to say ‘I don’t’ to our in-laws, especially the mother-in-law.

However, this is merely a single story, unfair in its one sided representation. Adjusting to your in-laws is mega work and many husbands have been forced to choose between their sweet mother and the love of their lives, but are these feuds really necessary? Perhaps there is a different perspective from which we can consider these issues.

First, I don’t understand why the wife and mother have to compete for the man’s heart. In my opinion, both represent different kinds of love and should have separate places in your heart. One is your beginning; the other is your future. It is therefore very myopic to compare one with the other, their purposes are different. I love my mother extremely and I appreciate her sacrifices for me but I think men greatly overhype ‘a mother’s love’. Yes, your mother loves you. But she should, she is your mother! You are an extension of her, her most involving investment. A large chunk of who you are is consequent on what she taught you. She is probably the reason you don’t like boiled fish and if she had insisted, you would probably know how to clean. She is biologically programmed to love you; to do otherwise is an anomaly.

Your wife, on the other hand had a life of her own – values she treasured and hopes for the future. Then you came along and despite everything, she chose you. She noticed the way you chew but it didn’t matter. Your snore keeps her up at night and your meals keep her busy all day long. She could have had any other person, but she chose you as you are. That there is noteworthy love! Consider it deeply, if your mother was in her prime again and she met you as you are, do you think she will marry you? But your wife did.   They both represent different kinds of love crucial to your wellbeing. Don’t lose one because of the other. Create enough time for each one and enough distance between them, assure each one of her value in your eyes and your undying devotion to her, take each of them serious and discharge your duties to them. I bet you, the competition will fizzle out.

Next on my list is you- madam wife. Where were you when your darling boo had chicken pox at age 7? What did you do about it when he fell off the fence and almost lost his legs? Did you contribute to the money when your mother-in-law had to sell her gold to sponsor his dreams? Cut that woman some slack, if you put in half as much as she has put into your husband into anything, you will carry it on your head and sit down there too. Your MIL is not your foe; she should actually be your partner. You both have the same goal- you want this man to succeed. There are certain spots in his heart only her hands can touch. Accept it, accept her. Make her feel secure, assure her you are here to do her son good and you appreciate her presence. Listen to her, or at least pretend to listen. Like one of my friends often says, she is your Mother-In-Love, the mother love brought your way.

Mama, I know you want only the best for your son, you live to protect him from life’s ills. But you can relax, that girl he brought home is not one of them. You trained this boy well, you should be able to trust his judgement. If he chose her, then there must be something worth loving about her. Welcome her with open hands, show her the way to your son’s heart and make a place for her in yours. She’ll stand with you, she is the guarantee that your son will turn out well.

I agree, these things are easier said than done. However, we should begin with a change in mind-set and give each other the benefit of the doubt.  What tactics have you found useful in dealing with your mother-in-law? Are you mother-in-law phobic? Let’s rub minds in the comment section. We all deserve happy homes. Sisters-in-law are another matter, a phenomenon for which I cannot offer solutions to yet.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Lofemide is a deep-thinker, detail-finder and word-smith‎. She is particular about details, hence her writings are mostly musings and conversations. Especially conversations with herself and her God who she loves to no end. Read more of her musings at bunmilofe.blogspot.com or tweet at her @lofemide.

96 Comments

  1. Grace

    June 28, 2016 at 10:47 pm

    The Bible says we are to leave our fathers and mothers to cleave to our spouses. Three is a crowd, it’s just that simple.

    • Joke

      June 29, 2016 at 3:22 am

      With a name like Grace, your response is quite harsh. I hope you are not married, because when you do, reality will dawn on you. My mouthy elder sister said more than you. Even on her wedding day, she was yapping, “I’m only marrying my husband, not his family blah blah blah” and she thought that was it because they are based in London. I laughed at her stupidity 23 years ago and I keep laughing at her till now as reality dawns on her daily. If you want a husband without family don’t marry one that was born by a woman, marry one who dropped from a tree.

    • Anonymous

      June 29, 2016 at 7:38 am

      Well then Joke the bible not her words. And that wasnt a harsh reply, except **coughs your hands a bit dirty and guilty conscience came into play. haha!
      Again just because it is doesn’t mean it should be. Ideally a husband and wife are a team and when it comes to in-law and extended family bruhaha the attitude is supposed to be “we” against the world.

      *** a bit of digression.
      Just because it’s reality doesn’t mean it should be so. It’s easy to point at some bad road or the poor power supply and go it’s jot supposed to be so, in America they have constant electricity supply, but the Nigeria’s reality is different doesn’t mean it should be so.
      In the words of MJ, I’m looking at the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways.
      Okay another funny joke my people day is everyone says our wife our wife but when it’s night and doors are shut you know who owns the wife.

      I think it’s stupid a married man would choose his mother over his wife and vice versa. It shouldn’t even be a thing. P.s. I’m an older sister in law and it’s stupid and gross misconduct if I butt in in my bros marriage. Know your boundaries which will definitely be set by partners or couples adopting a “we” against the world attitude. And even if they don’t set any boundaries recieve sense to know how to act sef.
      Stop butting into people’s marriages or lives and expect not to be insulted biko and if someone says what would Jesus do, remind them that whipping and beating and throwing stuff, etc was part of his game. Haha!

      That said married couples set boundaries but ensure you respect each others families and friends. Adopt a we attitude, respect and treat others (esp extended family) with kindness and anyone who wants to die on top that be extra kind enough to input wella in his/her or “dem” burial arrangements.

      #longepistlebutyouget

    • Opylee

      June 29, 2016 at 5:39 pm

      Does that three include your own mother? Just asking…

  2. Sultana

    June 28, 2016 at 10:58 pm

    This is true word! Well said! And I find ways I can improve therein. Thank you

  3. Abby

    June 28, 2016 at 11:59 pm

    My MIL is very motherly and when she’s around, I don’t have to cook or worry about my kids/hubby. I let her have the run of the house. She believes that a mum should do all she can for her kids and my hubby is her baby?. Do I take offence and say she trying to do my job? Take over my house? No, I humor her because I know she’s coming from a place of love.
    I love my mum but she believes that she’s raised her kids to be independent and self sufficient so she definitely will not treat me, my sister or my sisters in law the way my MIL treats me. She’s not a monster in law sha. She respects their space, cares for their kids when she has the chance.
    A friend in the other hand cannot stand hers, she doesn’t even want her touching anything in the house, complains that she likes touching the walls soiling them, imagine that! I asked her, you love her son but hate her, why? No concrete reason. She admits the poor woman hasn’t done anything to her, she just dislikes her. She said she’s never used her hard earned money to buy anything for the poor woman and even discourages her hubby from spending on her. Fortunately for her, the woman is too old to give back wahala. I thinks she’s scared of my friend. This girl looks like a normal person and is otherwise nice?.
    Bottom line, some daughters in law sef get wahala.
    I remember when we were in uni, some of my roommates will be praying for their future MIL to die before they meet the guy!

    • FasholasLover

      June 29, 2016 at 2:51 pm

      @Abby, You, my dear are a VERY WISE GIRL! Leave your friend, Karma is a bad ass bitch. It knows her address for future use except she does not have a son.

    • dj

      June 29, 2016 at 6:53 pm

      Some of my fiends too used to say same, do you what i ask the? do you intend to be a mother to a son some day? do you have a brother? expect same for yourself and yo your Mom. they were all shocked at my response. and they all kept mute.

  4. Gem

    June 29, 2016 at 12:02 am

    In all you said, my best line happens to be “I think men greatly overhype ‘a mother’s love’…”. I think so too, especially in this part of the world. Some men would say “No woman will ever take my mom’s place”…I think no woman should take your mom’s ‘place’ , but when you voice it, It seems as though you cant love another woman as you love your mother. I love my mom but I believe everything she ever did for me was expected. There cant be a wow factor to it(doesn’t mean I wouldn’t celebrate her). She should love me unconditionally. She carried me for nine months because she needed me. That’s what every mother does and that’s what I’m going to do when it’s my time. I wouldn’t expect my children to love me extraordinarily on the sole basis that I birthed them. It’s not a favour I did them.
    I am a woman too and rationality is my signature. I don’t see myself competing for my son’s love with his wife in the nearest future(as I do not have one yet). It’s very unnecessary. I think mothers should back off a lil bit from their sons’ marriages. It’s very important.
    Btw, I am not mother-in-law phobic, maybe because I have no reason to be?…My grandma(dad’s mom) stays with us and I cant remember her interfering in her son’s marriage or even trying to boss around my mom…She’s peaceful
    That’s the kind of mother-in-law I hope to be. That’s the kind of mother-in law I hope to have. I got zero tolerance for shit.

  5. Yinka

    June 29, 2016 at 12:29 am

    Enough of the philosophies!! when you experience a nightmare of so called mother in law, you better protect yourself and yours from spiritual attacks!! some of these mothers are true lunatics!! Are they the only ones who suffered to rear their sons? So the other party did not suffer to raise their daughters?? Please if you want to enjoy your daughter-in laws, show love and treat them with respect! Otherwise stay away. My solution is very straight forward, keep out the lunatics!!

    1
    • molarah

      June 30, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      When you have this kind of mentality about mothers-in-law, it’s no wonder you have nightmares about them. Abeg don’t be trying to wear spiritual cloth on silliness/paranoid behavior. And not every time fire-for-fire: even when someone is acting crazy there’s no need for you to put up equal opposing reaction. Nobody is saying bring your mother-in-law to live with you or call her 24-7; a balance can be reached if you want to. Love always wins out: the more we take the love way the better the outcomes usually are.

  6. The real D

    June 29, 2016 at 12:34 am

    lmso!!! I used to think all of this, even subscribed to all of this until crap hit the ceiling, then i quickly realized because you subscribe to a belief system does not mean the other party does. My mum used to complain about her in-laws and how her mother-in-law (my grandma) used to always compare herself to my maternal grandma. I did not understand I thought if only she loved them as she should then things would be different. Then i got married, showered my in-laws with love but when a misunderstanding arose between my MIL and my hubby (her son), it became my fault, I was the one that caused the misunderstanding, his aunt even got on the phone and insulted me. Mother-in-love???? I laugh!!!
    I don’t hate her and i have forgiven but that woman has no love for me, I respect her as the mother of my hubby and applaud the job she did raising him. I encouraged my hubby to open lines of communication with her again but she is insisting that because she is the in-law irrespective of what she has done I should be the one apologizing, that is,despite the fact I have done no wrong. I have only cut all communications with her per my hubby’s instruction which he has made clear to her but according to her regardless of what he has said I need to call her and apologize. Nope!!! not going to happen, you don’t earn an apology because I share a bed with your son or because you are older than me,(Nigerians and our sense of entitlement) upon something una don insult me, you now want me to hand you the salt to rub on my wound. No scratch that you want me to bring the salt and then rub it on myself. God help us all and grant us wisdom in all things

    • The real D

      June 29, 2016 at 12:46 am

      I guess I should make it clear that she wants me to call and apologize for cutting communications with her and not calling her to ask after her well being when she broke her wrist when all this drama was going down but she has never apologized to my hubby or me for what she did and only said we cannot hold on to a grudge forever and need to let whatever it is go with both what she did and what her sister did.

    • Naijatalk

      June 29, 2016 at 4:13 am

      Hi Real D, please call her and apologize. It will not kill you. You are innocent no?Good, your apology will only heap coals of fire on the guilty party. Please call her and apologize and encourage hubby to do so too. Life is too short, precious, and unpredictable for this.

    • TakeMeToMaldives

      June 29, 2016 at 7:23 am

      my dear D, don’t apologise. apology comes after you’ve realised you faulted and if you are really INNOCENT from what u saying, then don’t apologise.
      next time you see her, pretend you’ve forgotten all about the issue and simply ask about how she’s doing. if she responds, fine. if she doesn’t, ignore her.
      apology is no one’s entitlement

    • Someonecute

      June 29, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      Please call her, you just shot yourself by saying this poor woman broke her wrist, and you never called to ask for her well-being. So because you had a misunderstanding, you will hold a grudge for the rest of your life. If she dies now, you will be in sober mood, mourning someone you never made peace with. Life is too short for all these, my dear. I understand that elderly people can be very demanding on respect and apology even if you’ve done wrong, Your asking after her well being will not kill you, it will only make her feel more guilty. Please Biko

    • dj

      June 30, 2016 at 12:40 pm

      My dear apologizing only gives you the upper hand and you will now be operating from a possition of strength. mind you appologising doesnt mean you will be at her beck and call oo. you will still take your stand on issues but give her what is due to her (respect)

    • slice

      June 29, 2016 at 1:26 am

      Call and apologize

    • Anonymous

      June 29, 2016 at 7:44 am

      This enabling mentality people have or the sake of peace eh. Stop enabling nonsense biko at the end of the day there will still be no peace. Trust me I tried.

    • FasholasLover

      June 29, 2016 at 3:06 pm

      Nope! No apology. The real D has not done anything wrong to warrant an apology. Call only to say how are you and to keep the line of communication open. Then, encourage hubby to reconnect with his mom. God forbid that the inevitable happens suddenly, he may never forgive himself and even resent you. Big ups to your hubby for standing by you and for having your back.

    • Dee

      June 29, 2016 at 7:47 am

      Why is it okay to ask people to apologise when they have done nothing wrong? Especially when it has to do with in-laws? It breaks my heart when I hear it. Especially when it’s crystal clear they have not insulted anyone.

      My mum was bullied into that decades ago. She was asked to go on her knees and ask for forgiveness from a woman who along with her daughters (daughters were mum’s flower girls!) always disrespected my mum.

      I will not let anyone do that to any of my sister in-laws. Anyway my mother will not even let anyone hurt her daughter in-law neither will any of my siblings.

      1
    • slice

      June 29, 2016 at 12:43 pm

      Because she did wrong. They were fightj g yes. But mama broke her wrist. That shoukd have been enough to end thd fight. You call and ask about her welfare and fight ends. Mil is putting out the typical naija olive branch and plz recognize that’s what it it is. She expects any correct daughter if the soil to understand that’s what it is. She’s not saying apologize for what I think u did to my son. Shes saying apologize for this little thing. Pretty much she’s saying we were fighting but I ws sick na so you should have called me. So call her and say how is your wrist. How are you. Sorry I didn’t call and truat me, mil will take it from there. Then come back and thank me 🙂

    • Real talk

      June 29, 2016 at 8:00 am

      Don’t keep malice and don’t apologize either. Do Nigerians really know the true definition of an apology? You only apologize when you’re in the wrong, not otherwise. That’s negative reinforcement biko.

      You can call to “check up on her” or “say hello” like you came to my mind today and hope you’re doing okay and not “I’m sorry that we’ve not been in speaking terms” LOL. If na me ehn, dem go wait tire …

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      June 29, 2016 at 3:35 pm

      That will be basically the kind of apology she needs, for her daughter to call her. Lets be realistic sometimes we fight with our parents, we all know how we cover up, if it were her own mom that she was fighting with and the woman broke her wrist would she not have called just to check up on her? Ok I understand that her hubby gave the instruction that she should not contact his mom, I also expect her hubby to make the call then apologize on her behalf then hand over the phone to her to also make up with his mom since he has made up with her.
      I understand how angry you feel the RealD, the unwarranted accusations and other shenanigans, you owe her no apology for the fight, but you owe her a checking up when she broke her wrist. You didn’t check up on her. If your husband calls her and tells her that you want to speak with her and she doesn’t accept then you ve tried, if she picks you can jokingly say “Ahh mama dis our fight get as e be o, lets forget everything and start from beginning, how is your hand, hope its ok. end of discussion. In life relationships will face storms, the way we salvage the broken remnants of the relationship is what separates a long lasting friendship from enmity. Sometimes we stoop to conquer, see things from another side of the prism, from everyone’s side the silhouette on the other side is crooked and bent out of shape. I hope you reconsider and call her.

      1
    • dj

      June 30, 2016 at 12:47 pm

      God Bless her soul the day her hubby and his mom reconciles, she go hear am. one thing I have learnt is when your spouse is in a disagreement with his/her people its always better to stay neutral and play it cool. cos the day they reconcile, wow that will be the day.

    • Yinka

      June 29, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      I agree with you. No matter what you can’t win. Every woman should make her own decision regarding this issue regardless of how others view you!! Life is too short for crap.

  7. Teju Tj

    June 29, 2016 at 1:12 am

    Some mother in laws are a complete nightmare. By the time you rationalize and rationalize yet they show you pepper, rationale goes out the window. Some of them are just evil and will not hesitate to attack you spiritually to the point where you will be like please take your son, its not a do or die affair abeg. These days, I’m trying to minimize my worries so I keep my distance and stay completely away abeg – no time for unnecessary drama. Lets not even get started on the sister in law yarns. It makes one wonder, are you not a person and is this how your own inlaws treat you? Even if they treat you like this, how does it make you feel? Does it make you feel good?
    The worst is the son/husband. You know mine said to me “this is what my grandma did to my mom -and I didn’t like it” but somehow, he doesn’t see anything wrong in what his mom does. One chance of life. Hypocricy at its finest.

  8. Wendy

    June 29, 2016 at 4:14 am

    Una own na MIL…mine was my mum…she gave me hell when I got married…she was fighting for attention with my hubby…marking territories…felt like hubby was taking taking away all the attention that she used to get…she did not want to let go…I was stressed out to the max..my family members had to ban her from coming to my house…

    • Ivie

      June 29, 2016 at 9:09 am

      Am experiencing same with my mum too. My mum in law is very cool

  9. kim kim

    June 29, 2016 at 4:51 am

    the real d, don’t mind her. do not call to apologize for anything bcos u did nothing wrong. Even ur hubby realises that u did nothing wrong. Stay away from her for ur own sake. What is it with mother in laws?? are they the only ones who have given birth and raised children?? wasn’t the wive also given birth to and raised too?? they act as if they should be worshipped bcos they bore sons. I will allow any woman mistreat me bcos I married her son oo. Make she just take her time bcos life is too short for nonsense.

  10. kim kim

    June 29, 2016 at 4:52 am

    *not

  11. Onyii

    June 29, 2016 at 5:10 am

    My mother inlaw deprives joy in seeing my husband and I fight. She wants to know everything that goes on and behind me she will go say a completely different story to her son. Any one who has a good mother inlaw should always value her and pray God blesses her abundantly for the love. I met the bad one, one who says ” marriage is not by force ,if my son wants divorce then give him divorce”. Those patience ozokwor ‘s character we watch on nigeria movies about mother inlaws be mean and wicked is real. Funny enough how my mother inlaw sees nothing wrong in her son’s womanizing ,instead she will support them and even give them ideas on how to quarrel ,diovrce or treat their wives bad. Such is life!. If you dont bow and worship her then she must find every means possible to make sure her son divorce you and throw you out in cold with your kids. She controls everyone, her sons,daughter,son’s wives and husband. Funny how my sister inlaw supports her in everything. Karma is a bitch. Whatever you do to others, you will get it in return (in million folds) and I’m glad she is getting married this year.

  12. BlueEyed

    June 29, 2016 at 6:50 am

    Nice write up…Do unto other as you want others to do unto you, mother in law respective. Aunty wife, you are mean to your mother in law and you have children that will get married tomorrow, law of karma will befall you a hundred fold.
    Picture where your sister in law is praying for your own mother to die, please there are no evil mother in laws, you give what you expect and if she is going diabolical, and you are afraid ? Lol then my dear sister you’re still eating baby food in the spirit How can you call yourself a Christian and be worried about voodoo? When God has given you the authority ? or you think marriage is bread and butter? When you take charge of your home in the spiritual, you will be relaxed and enjoy your marriage in the physical but when your heart is not clean itself and your faith is not buried deep in the word, then I get why your mother in law will be scaring you, you and her are from the same ship na, so happy sailing

  13. D

    June 29, 2016 at 7:32 am

    Good analysis,dont have any ish with her as per gisting paddy tinz and she always bring goodies ??.the most important thing is to make up your mind to love them irrespective of anything do, study them to know their weakness and strength and apply it when you interact with them.

  14. Dee

    June 29, 2016 at 8:01 am

    My mother in-law wants her daughters to be assertive in their own homes, build houses, do as they please but will not hear dang about her daughter in-law doing same.

    I loved and respected her like my own mum. I genuinely cared about her wellbeing. I encouraged his son to take better care of her. I thought she loved me too, but I was wrong. I started having issues with his son and she took sides. His son slapped me and she took sides?

    I am patiently waiting for the time when a man or woman born of Eve will ask me to apologise. I am waiting.

    • Observer

      June 29, 2016 at 10:06 am

      Apologise pls 🙂

    • Anonymous

      June 29, 2016 at 10:46 am

      Observer is a robot.

    • Dee

      June 29, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      lol.

    • Someonecute

      June 29, 2016 at 3:24 pm

      Yea Apologize to both of them that at this juncture, you have to leave! Slap ke? Infact apologize in advance that you will return your own slap if they are not careful….

    • Jam jam

      June 29, 2016 at 8:16 pm

      I CANNOT STAND HUSBANDS WHO SLAP THEIR WIVES AND MOTHERS IN LAW WHO SUPPORT THEM.

      Zero apology from you my sister. ZERO!

  15. lacey

    June 29, 2016 at 8:04 am

    All the rubbish you ladies have said will still be said about you when you become mother in-laws! You keep quoting the Bible of a man leaving his family,but you will never see the Ruth example in the Bible! Thank God most of my guy friends are marrying white girls who would accept their families,as they complain about Nigerian women especially the ones from wretched who are armed with all diabolical means to destroy others because they married their son! If you don’t like your MIL,she is a witch,but you are in love with her son who is probably a wizard, since she is a witch! Love your MIL the way you love your own mothers and have peace! Let God be in your hearts or else you will end up receiving the same treatment when you too grow old! Why is it only women that complain about husband’s mother! If you do not like his mother,then forget marrying him! We do not really see men loathing their MIls,like Nigerian women!Yes men will love their mother,because they only have one mother, marriage can scatter and everybody go their separate ways,but mother remains mother!

    • Shoir

      June 29, 2016 at 8:16 am

      If you are a guy please marry OYIBO. mother inlaws dont try the shit they try with Nigerian wives with oyibo wives so take your skanky ass out of here. If you are not yet married i hope a nigerian woman wont fall prey and end up with your sorry ass

      1
    • Lotus Flower

      June 29, 2016 at 8:49 am

      Hi, your guilty conscious is showing! Rather than insult women complaining about horrible mother-in-laws, why don’t you become a loving mother-in-law? You are not the first or the last to birth a son.
      I feel sorry for your daughter-in-law.

    • lacey

      June 29, 2016 at 9:04 am

      @Amen o Lotus! I will be a loving mother in-law whose Son will be marrying a Christian Oyibo girl who will love God!not opportunist Nigerian women!

    • When

      June 29, 2016 at 9:49 am

      Aunty mama,
      What you just described is not supposed to be the plan. What so you mean by marriage çan scatter? Marriage is not supposed to scatter according to God’s plan. The plan is for the Bond With your family to be broken so you çan bind With your spouse. I remembrer When i was young, my aunt and grandma gave my mum hell, interferring and packing her Stuff out because hé is their brocher and son and was starting to make some money. Thank God for our Landlord who always intervened. Unfortunately for All of them, their marriages faced challenges that required Constant intervention from my family especialy my Mum years down the Line. One her husband just left her and their children and the other her husband ran mad. Ladies, allow God fight your battles, that way your conscience is clean and clear. I am not celebrating their mis fortune in anyway but i feel Like they planted à seed of pain and sorrow and had to réap that. This is a call to the guys Cos it seems most ladies are ready to lèave their familles to cleave to the man but most men do not.

    • She Lost Me

      June 29, 2016 at 11:19 am

      Like….the poster lost me at ‘….but I think men greatly overhype ‘a mother’s love’. Really? I guess she’s not yet a mum because I don’t see how anyone can say someone ‘overhypes’ the love their mother has for them. Anyway, to each his/her own.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 29, 2016 at 12:44 pm

      “Thank God most of my guy friends are marrying white girls who would accept their families”

      Hahahahahahahaha!! AHHHHHHH! Biko permit me to laugh in Swahili… because you just caused me to recall the emotional and mental travails of a really good friend of mine, who married one of the oyibos you speak of and also entered the family expecting to be wholeheartedly accepted. And what happened next, you ask? Nne. Just leave that thing wey you talk so, you hear me well? Leave am. Just drop that supposition for corner and realise that people will be people, regardless of skin color, inugo?

      Did we expect the mother of our sweet, young oyibo wife to become the 3rd party in that marriage? How can… no be oyibo she be? That na purely Naija mentality! However, the woman always thought her daughter could have done better and when the marriage started developing cracks, she stoked the fire. And when you marry away from your kith and kin, there are some battles that are hard to fight alone, especially when you’re fighting an entire family by yourself. The people who can support you are so far away that you start to feel overwhelmed and when you discover your wife is cheating on you and then read emails from her mum to realize what the woman thinks of you…. He wasn’t the same for almost 2 years after she left (yes oh, na she end the marriage even though he was willing to forgive all wrongs).

      Nne, evil exists in all shades of skin tones. Abeg, leave this assumption alone.

    • LEM

      June 29, 2016 at 2:06 pm

      100 likes for your comment MSA! Typical black and especially Nigerian mentality all black babes have wahala, but whites are all sugar, spice and everything nice. Bad people are bad people regardless of skin colour. How are you @ Lacey any better than that klown that said f… black girls?

    • idomagirl

      June 30, 2016 at 10:09 am

      Thank you o my sister.
      I was laughing at the naivete in that comment.
      No be only accept wholeheartedly ?
      There are some who will accept you and there are many who will never consider you good enough for their child because of your skin colour and “Africaness”.
      But our people and low self-esteem will overlook all sorts cos it’s coming from a white person, but let your fellow Nigerian cough…battle.

    • The real D

      June 29, 2016 at 3:20 pm

      @ Lacey, like Mz SA said, forget that oyinbo side o. My bro was dating an “oyinbo” as you put it. He used to subscribe to that BS about 9ja vs oyinbo and all his past gas were either Caucasians or of Latin or Hispanic descent. Then this girl’s family wanted to decide when they got engaged, down to where they lived after marriage at this point my commitment phobia brother never even think of engagement. They were already planning his life, my brother raanan for his life. This happened with 2 different girls. My brother quickly let go of that mentality. He is now open to dating Nigerian “gehs”.

      I don’t hate my MIL. That my MIL does not love me as she would her daughter does not make her a witch but that does not make me ignorant of the fact she has not dealt with me fairly. In fact, one of her gripe with me is that I am too “oyibo”, according to her if I was a proper Nigerian girl (a shot at my upbringing), I would know that my in-laws are always right (those were are exact words). The truth is I am treating her NOW how good western daughter in laws treat their MILs, you accept them but you create boundaries and your MIL understands and respects those boundaries. Pause for a moment and think, how many of the western couples do you know send $$ to mama apart from buying gifts on Christmas, her birthday and Mother’s Day? How many call mama just to greet her like we do unless they want to ask for something? I will not go into details about the events but when I broke things down with my 2 sis-in-laws, they both apologized to me for their mum’s behavior, the older one got on the phone with their mum and told their mum that herself and their aunt needed to be more respectful of us but of course that only made things worse (according to her I was reporting her to her daughters). Again I applaud how she raised her children because it has made them great adults and that’s why they can all be fair in their dealings with me.
      My point is if you think marrying an oyinbo is the solution to in-law drama then that’s a joke and, you are in for a rude awakening my host mum (caucasian with Caucasian DILs) in college had 2 DILs and she was the one constantly having to apologize because if not those girls did not hesitate in cutting her off from her sons and grandsons lives. My point is your mentality has to be right as well as your DILs irrespective of race or skin color or descent. It takes 2 not just 1 party to make for a good relationship.

    • DualaGirl

      June 30, 2016 at 4:41 am

      Real D, your story is so related to mine. Hubby’s mum(i don’t call her MIL) went so far with me: i’m too “oyibo” for them, i’m not from their village, i’m barren, i used to be married to a white old man to get my foreign nationality, the list is so long. I kept calling her and most of times, she was doing as if she doesn’t know who is calling and as soon as i introduced my self she started cursing me. 4 years ago we went home for introduction and she insulted me in front of her clients and even her son in her store, that she didn’t know i was this fat(please she is fat! i’m not skinny but fat no) I took all that and since her son was always making excuse for her i told him on day they are going to push me to a point from where i’ll never go back. I took in, i hided since she was saying every where that i’m barren, when she heard i was more than 5 months, she started saying she’s sure it’s a girl. When i gave birth to my son, no call, nothing. I went to hubby’s place since i’m away for my school and his aunt came, calling me names and bad things saying my mum is a witch, that i think i win the battle because i have a son? And hubby’s mum sent me a message that i’m the only one who know who is my son’s father. That was for me the point where i decided to cut them off of my life, i’m sorry but i deserve RESPECT as i respect every body. i’m responsible of my happyness and if anyone wants to make me sad then bye bye!
      Don’t call, build your home and your family, stay in peace with your conscience, no hypocrisy, be still and happy.

    • ......and Naomi?

      June 29, 2016 at 4:35 pm

      Lacey why didn’t you mention the qualities of Ruth’s mother in law? How amazing she was even better than some of our own mothers.

      It takes 2 my dear, if ones mother Inlaw loves like Christ loves, of course we have no choice but to love her in return if not you’ll answer to God. But the truth is most of these mother Inlaws only pretend to like/tolerate because their sons are in love and won’t budge.

      Before I got married, my husband now said his mum mentioned that she wasn’t in support of the marriage because a pastor or someone had revealed that we won’t not make it past 3 years in marriage but God! Now we’re heading to 4 and …..50/60 and she’s having to swallow her words.

      Marriage is tough as it is, we don’t need mother in laws bringing extra wahala abeg, it’s unnecessary. I want to be able to love you like I do my mum but the truth is if we were all on a sinking ship and most mother Inlaws could only save 1 or 2 persons, they won’t think twice about saving themselves and their son and leaving their DILs to drown especially Naija MILs

  16. ifeanyi

    June 29, 2016 at 8:25 am

    An over-flogged Issue…
    Wisdom is profitable to direct…

  17. DAME

    June 29, 2016 at 8:30 am

    Like i always say…treat me like you want to be treated but above all things i would treat you like i would have treated my mum but dear MIL better love me back genuinely if not the hot prayers ehen lol
    my pple….before you marry biko pray ooooooo about everyone and everything
    i was engaged to this dude, planned intro and all. Anytime i visited intending MIL as uncle wanted…she would be so niceeeeeee, instruct the cooks to serve me BiB, i shouldnot touch anything, do not work, come to her personal room (which her son saw as her mark of accepting me cos she doesnt allow anyone inside dere anyhow) and so on and so forth…almosy gave me her house key incase am intown, when i travel back to my base, she would call more than “uncle dearest”, text me that when next is my leave, shes missing me etc

    my pple my pple…i founf out uncle married in yankee..all dis arrangee tins and i took to my heels
    like 1 month b4 formal intro…Intending MIL never ever called or flashed up till this day to know what happened…its more than 3years now…lol i am still in shock over her act like …eheeeeen
    na dis house i for marry into…my mum ( God rest her soul) always prayed for us and said we wouldnot make mistake in marriage even if it remained one day..God wouldnot allow it so my brethren…prayer works

    • slice

      June 29, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      So you break her heart by disappearing and she’s supposed to call you?
      Isn’t the point of stranger that he wasn’t really married to the girl and ws going to divorce her once he got papers. I only fault him for not telling you

    • mek

      June 30, 2016 at 8:15 am

      Not everyone believes in marrying divorcees…

  18. [email protected]

    June 29, 2016 at 8:34 am

    In as much as i was made to believe not all MILs are bad, you will be too naive and silly to be too trusting of one. Case in point me. Mind you i am a guy. I thought mum was the best and would treat wifey like gold. Wifey had our son and she came over. Thats when i saw hell. She did not lift a finger to help us, in fact she complained about everything (the weather, she is bored, she wants to go shopping). I will get after work home and have to cook dinner becasue wifey who had a CS was too weak to do anything. Because of our stupid culture and tradition and respect i could not complain to her and tell her but this is not why we bought your ticket to America for.

    She goes back to Lagos and Dad calls me and says this and that. I kept quiet. Then two of them came together for summer. They called me to one corner and said wifey was lazy, she is controlling blah blah blah.

    I kept quiet. Then the spiritual warfare began. In fact when God revealed my mom was behind it, i have never felt so ashamed in my life. How do i wake up to a woman everyday knowing well that her husband’s mother wants to kill her? I can’t go into details but it has been the Grace of God.

    I have cut all contact with my family and we are still praying for God’s deliverance. Ladies abeg, shine your eyes well well. Be very prayerful and do not be trusting. MIL is not the same as your biological mother. They can HARM you.

    Nuff said

    • lacey

      June 29, 2016 at 9:51 am

      @oo yahoo, Abeggi which spiritual welfare?why did she not kill you as a child!That is why I attend My Oyibo Baptist Church in this America,because Nigerian Church na so so witch and demons them they see! Instead of them to glorify the power of God as the owner of the universe,na the name of demons them know pass! Why did you not buy ticket for your wives mother to come and take care of her daughter,old woman. wey come rest for America,go come start to nurse your pikin again,after nursing you! After leaving Nigeria stress!You would have told her to bring a help along,because she would probably be middle aged! If you cut her off oo! You are a grown man now,and she has her husband to love her,thank God your Dad is still alive! Like I said before,I only attend Black American and Oyibo Church,as I got tired of Nigerian churches that we make you paranoid and be scared everything around all in the name of demons upandan! Your mother is not the problem!the devil is the enemy!Eph6:10-18! So that is why most Nigerians fight unnecessary spiritual battles all their lives! demon go seat down him own,only them go call am!

    • Cynical

      June 29, 2016 at 12:11 pm

      @lacey,honestly all this spiritual warfare bullshit just annoys me. If your parent was strong enough ‘spiritually’ your wife will not even be our wife in the first place,why allow her enter and kill her,which of your girlfriends did she kill…abeg. pls lets just stop,even if your Mother in law hates you,for the sake of her son and grandkids,she won’t want you dead.

    • mek

      June 30, 2016 at 8:18 am

      He said his mum was after the wife, not him!!! read well pls. And it is true. Some MILs and mothers even are against their children’s progress. That you don’t believe in it doesn’t make it any less true. Jesus spoke about enemies within your household. Before an outsider can wreck havoc in a home, check it well, they almost always have an ally within.

    • Em

      June 29, 2016 at 9:54 am

      Thank God for your life… Being a guy, thank God u saw it for yourself that your mom didn’t help your wife. May God continue to give u wisdom in matters concerning your family. It is well

      1
  19. Wendy

    June 29, 2016 at 8:35 am

    Hmmmmn, I have the best mum in law in the world. She currently lives with us and I am perfectly okay with it. I stopped praying for my future mum in law to die when I was in school, instead I started praying that she will walk in my light and that is what happened. She takes care of my children and when I am too tired to cook, she does the cooking. I would rather have her than have all these nefarious nannies from hell taking care of my kids. Is she perfect? oh no but I have found ways to tolerate and deal with any issues I have with her.

    I heard a lot of things about her before I got married but she has been an angel in my home. For single ladies, pray that your future in laws will walk in your light, for those who are already faced with the MIL problem, ask God for direction on how to make peace with them. I have a friend who has both father and mother in law issues , even a friend is currently dealing with issues with her hubby’s sisters.
    Fine staying away from them is a solution but you enjoy more benefits when you are at peace with them.
    The most important thing however is your happiness. Take the path that gives you the most peace of mind. If apologizing will make the problem go away, then do it and be at peace.
    If staying away gives you peace of mind, then by all means do that.
    In all whether moslem or Christian, take all to God and watch him do what only him can do.

  20. Mrs O

    June 29, 2016 at 8:37 am

    my MIL is a good woman, she doesn’t stress me but she’s too nosy, chai when I receive a call, ehn who was that?! sometimes I have to go into the room to have conversations on the phone. even when hubby and I are gisting, she will leave what she is doing and be looking at our mouths.. lol then the one that annoys me is when she suddenly switches from English to her local dialect when she wants to speak with her son in my presence. it hurts me so much and I just get up and walk away nicely… her son knows I don’t like it, it feels like she’s telling him something she doesn’t want me to hear. sometimes it happens so suddenly maybe while we three are talking… sigh!

  21. Oj

    June 29, 2016 at 8:42 am

    My MIL said when I visited her I didn’t eat her food
    So she hates me now
    I don’t eat Egusi soup for some health reasons,I explained to her and took tea and bread in her house
    Next day I ate the food she gave to me even if it wasn’t nice
    Am a picky eater
    Where did I go wrong,to put my health at risk because of almighty MIL?
    Nigerian marriage seems to be the most difficult
    I just can’t understand
    Well I never apologized and never will

  22. looooooooool

    June 29, 2016 at 9:13 am

    this is all so interested. My MIL is cool like that… from a distance,,, but when she moved in, damn.. no privacy… I do not like ppl breathing down my neck, I love my space.. even my mom knows the safe distance.. I try to accommodate her, God knows I try.. but when I start getting blamed for things that are wrong, am like… why!!! they say patience, wisdom and tolerance.. that’s what I am applying.. I am also applying my almighty rule of. everything has an end date… you just need to act a drama till the last day… but acting in my own home,, really upsets me.. I act at work, I act at play, now I have to put on a façade in my own sanctuary… Bullshit.. but.. that’s what its been and that’s what it’ll be… it is well.

  23. MIL yawa

    June 29, 2016 at 10:16 am

    My boyfriend (now husband) & i agreed that he should introduce me to his Mum as his accounts officer so she could feel comfortable giving me cash to handle for the both of them while he had to work out of the country for a while.
    The woman loved me and was very nice to me. She always said words of prayers for me as well. One day while praying for me,she said i will do well in life,i will be greater than whoever i marry,have more money,build a bigger house e.t.c.
    The first day bobo intro me as d babe he wants them to go and meet her parents,she couldn’t help herself.she mentioned the prayers and asked why i didn’t stop her #lobatan
    We’ve gone on to have an okay relationship, i tried reporting le hubs to her a few years into our marriage and when i saw her son could do no wrong,i promptly abandoned that strategy.
    To the glory of God,i didn’t need to be dependent on her or even my mum after childbirth. The lord blessed me with a capable nanny and trust me,my mum / MIL won’t even do more than the nanny!!
    Halleluyah

    • FasholasLover

      June 29, 2016 at 4:49 pm

      Yooooooooooo. Real yawa. #lobatan. You cracked me up biiiiig time. I am here hollaing and colleagues looking at me with corner eyes.

    • Naijatalk

      June 30, 2016 at 12:56 am

      This is so funny…..nawa, when she was praying she wasn’t concerned because she thought it would be someone else’s son. She prayed for you like she would her own daughters I guess.

  24. Purplegirl

    June 29, 2016 at 10:35 am

    Before I got married my wish was to have a good mother daughter relationship with my Mother in Law (MIL) especially since my mom and I didn’t have such a great relationship. Fortunately my MIL is great, understanding, wise, loving and considerate and she can gist for ages. Unfortunately we have language barriers. I guess it also helps that she knew my dad as a boy, she has 8 living children and my husband is the last born. Also she’s also preoccupied with omugwo for her great grand children.

  25. [email protected]

    June 29, 2016 at 10:46 am

    @lacey – Thank you for your comments. I pray the Lord keeps you, upholds you and fortify you.

    @em – God bless you. Thats exactly what my Pastor said. God will keep your family too and thanks for such inspiring comments and prayers

    • Jaygirl

      June 29, 2016 at 11:17 pm

      God please grant me oo’s tolerance and in particular the kind he expressed in response to these comments on his post – Amen.

  26. becalmalways.

    June 29, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Bellanaija I wish I can send my directly for u to publish. But I will type a bit here. When I got married to my hubby 6yrs ago, a month after our wedding my MIL moved in to make sure I was pregnant. She kept asking what is happening to u, why are u not pregnant. I was so scared I rushed to see a doctor who told me there was nothing wrong with me and that am not even up to one year, six months. But as God would have it, I got pregnant and I told her she left, bf my edd she kept asking me what date my doctor gave me. I said momsy dnt worry I will let u know. She calls my sis inlaw to report me and my sis inlaws calls me to say why am I hiding my edd. I had to tell her. My Mil moved into our home a month bf I had my baby. When my baby arrived she said I hope u have called ur mother not to come for now wow. I called my mom and she wnt hear that. My mom fianlly arrived and war broke out. Everyday all we heard then was this is my son’s house, u people should better be careful. She made the list for food in my house. The only day I made a list and gave to my maid she did not find it funny. She comes to our house whenever she feels like. In a year she visits like 5x and each visits is for 3weeks+. I have 3 kids now and she is already asking me what am waiting for to give her more grandkids. If I get her gifts she never says thank you to me. Her response is always oh u buy me gift? Keep for table. The list is endless. But I overcome by been quiet, I dnt report to her son, bcos I know men love their mothers. But I know I will never insult her no matter what she does to me.

  27. K's Girl

    June 29, 2016 at 11:18 am

    I love love love my mil. I say to anyone who cares to listen that she’s an exceptional woman. I often have to remind myself that she’s my mil and not my mother. I came into his life despite all the gist about terrible mother in laws, seeing as she lives with him. I came geared to mark my territory, but there was clearly no need. The woman spoils me silly yet knows how to make herself scarce. Her son is clearly her favourite, but she puts me over him, as silly as that may sound. She never ever intrudes. All she needs to do is see how tired I look and force me to sit down and put my feet up and then prepare meals for us all. Cooking is nothing to her o. She leaves for work quite early and before we do, but its not strange to see feasts that she will whip up up and send upstairs before leaving. Even my mother stopped nearing the kitchen when she had ‘grown up girls’, hence it took me a while to wrap my head around mil’s cooking. For those amebo people who bring their baseless gossips to her about me, she sweeps them out of her shop, and brings their gist for us to laugh over. I call her mummy’m and she calls me nwa (child). She’s not perfect, but I love her dearly.

  28. Purplegirl

    June 29, 2016 at 11:54 am

    Please @bellanaija I’ve been having problems going to the next page on your home page. It keeps bringing me back to page 1.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 29, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      Purple girl, that response was for you… but it seems to have taken on life as a stand-alone post of its own.

  29. "changing moniker"

    June 29, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    I’m gonna have a great mother in law. I’ll have two families soon, that will love me as much as i love them. My God will answer my prayers.

  30. moniker

    June 29, 2016 at 12:41 pm

    And some mils can be two faced, treating you nicely in the presence of their sons and otherwise when they were alone with you. I laughed when I read someone’s comment abt the Mil coming for omugwo and not lifting a finger to help while the husband does the cooking because the wife had c/s. My dear some will not even allow their son to cook. I started cooking 3 days after I had my son thru c/s and immediately after I got home from the hospital. My mil will sit down while I serve her, while I pack the plate and deliberately leave the bowl with which she washed her hands on the floor so I’d have to bend to pick it up because she has heard ppl telling me not to bend bcos of the suture site. The only thing she was doing was to bath the baby and with this, I’m the one to set the bath and clear the things after she s done. My otherwise helpful husband completely changed when she was with us, trust me, I could go on and on. But when she started marking territories, wanting to run my home. I requested for my mum to come, I can’t come and die abeg- when she heard this she told me when ppl get married(women) they are supposed to discard their mum as their mil is to be their new mum. I just smiled.

    • Kim

      June 29, 2016 at 8:39 pm

      Our mothers in law must have attended the same course on insane wickedness to daughters in law. Our stories are 95% similar.

      I am not ashamed to say I have completely kept her at bay. I’m bring her grandkids to visit her once in a while but sit in one spot quietly. Other than this, no relationship. That woman made my life HELL for years while her son watched and did nothing, hoping I would somehow just keep managing it (this is what he said after I confronted him in the 7th year of coping with the wicked treatment).
      Now I’m doing me. I’m living life on my own terms. Both hubby and MIL can’t believe I’m now hardened. I no longer accept nonsense. She won’t kill me abeg.

    • DualaGirl

      June 30, 2016 at 5:06 am

      Please share your secret. It’ll help others like me who went through hell

    • Mama

      June 30, 2016 at 3:55 am

      The type of your mother-in-law, their own queue on judgement day will be special. What sort of bull shit is that, please? You were better of alone.

  31. Mz Socially Awkward...

    June 29, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    Here’s what I do (having also experienced the same problem since yesterday):

    – I click on a tab (any tab such as “News”, “Features”, “Events”, “Music”, etc… apart from the “Home” tab)
    – Once I’m in the tab, I look to the righthand side of the page where I see that BN has a mini-window named “Archives” and listing all their posts in chronological order starting with the most recent month.
    – I jejely click on the month which is the most pertinent to my purpose (in this case, the month of June 2016)
    – Once I enter the archives, I find that I’m able to navigate from page to page (as long as I clicked on June 2016, the most recent page will be whatever BN is currently showing as their home page this very moment), without any issues.

    I hope it works for you.

  32. mrs chidukane

    June 29, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    I’m very happy for those that have good mothers in law. Mine pretends a lot. Can lie for Africa. She used to try to knock I and my husband’s heads together until she realized we discussed everything and so she stopped. She will never help out or babysit her grandson but when we come to church on Sunday she will very quickly carry him so people will call her great woman. She must not help out oh but why act like you do and tell people you do thereby undermining all my efforts when you don’t? I’m taking time off work to look after my child, you go out everyday to flex yourself but you tell your friends you left your business because you’re taking care of your grandchild. That’s what pains me. Personally I hate pretense and lies a lot but the worst is she’s planting seeds of discord between my husband and his siblings . What joy will you derive from your kids fighting? I’m not perfect but I know I came into the marriage with the best intentions for my parents in law but by the time they revealed themselves, I decided to blank them and keep to my self.

    • cally_geh

      June 29, 2016 at 8:33 pm

      You just described my own mother to the tee! I cringe every time my hubby excuses her with” she’s old my dear”

  33. All I Know

    June 29, 2016 at 1:05 pm

    All i know is that you are a lady/woman, who prays to be married and wishes to have both genders as a ward (male & female)

    I also know that your wish is for your son to grow, be successful and marry.

    When it is time for a girl to marry your son, i hope she prays you dead. simple

  34. Belles

    June 29, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    Interesting topic…. My MIL is late, never met her and never prayed for her to die either because I have a brother and won’t want anyone praying for my mum to die. I don’t think it’s right to wish anyone dead. But in the absence of MIL, there are evil devil incarnate sister in law. OMG, I never imagined someone can hate on you even when they have not met you. Kai this sister in law feels entitled and want to run her brother’s life, she was in control for a long time way before we met. She decided who he dates, what he does with his money and even to which church he has to pay tithes. When he introduced me to her, she said I wasn’t his wife and did everything in her powers to make sure we didn’t work. Well she failed…. I didn’t even need to fight her…. God fought my battles, I never said a word to her, I just kept my distance and let her exhaust herself. Now the distance btw her and her brother is so far and deep that she can’t even explain what happened. Now she begs for her brother to say hi to her…. She dare not mention my name to his hearing…. That’s like application for trouble. To her I have bewitched her brother but only if she knows I serve a Living GOD who stands for me, defends me and protects me from evil doers. I have peace, joy, happiness and most of all a hubby that loves me dearly. As much as we pray for good MIL we should also caution our own mothers to treat other people’s daughters as though they were hers. Stay out of our brothers relationships and just be supportive of whom they have chosen.

  35. It is well with my soul

    June 29, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    I am happy for those that are so lucky to have wonderful in-laws and I pray that my story will change for better someday but now I am in a dilemma of leaving and staying since this is the best relationship I ever had so far . My would be mother in-law does not like me for reasons listed , I am not fine or good enough, she does not like my stature, that I am not from a good family and according to them they said I had a child before and they assassinated my character, all of these reasons are not true and some allegations that it is better I don’t write about, I was never pregnant before talk less of having a child before because I was abstaining and I am still a virgin which my boyfriend knows . In the past I left a relationship because my ex wanted to travel out and he believed a child will be an anchor to keep us together but I told him NO I do not want to be a baby mama and now someone is lying that I had a child according to what their prophet said. It is very very painful each time I think about it but I know God knows the truth and he will fight for me.
    I love my boyfriend so much and I know he loves me too, although he encouraging me to be patient but it is not easy when people make allegations about you that are not true but I am getting tired of the allegations they are throwing at me, it is crystal clear they don’t want us together. Before we became serious I prayed and I even receive revelation concerning it that there will be opposition but we shall overcome it, I told my pastor and my sisters to pray along with me in agreement because marriage is very delicate and I don’t want to make a mistake and at the end we got the same revelation and I believe holy spirit is not an author of confusion, with these challenges it is becoming difficult to be patient and wait for divine intervention, all I ever wanted in my life is to be at peace with the people around me but this issue is emotionally draining but I am still praying though but I must confess I am thinking of leaving but at the same time I don’t want to walk out of God’s plan, the only saving grace is that when I am reading the word I feel at peace with myself.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      June 29, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      Don’t ever stop praying my sister and also don’t ever rush into marriage with that kind of mother-in-law. Be patient all will be revealed in due time.

  36. busola

    June 29, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    I have one of the best mother in laws ehn,but sometimes we have our issues but it’s normal,we get over it.my mother in law leaves her bed for me to sleep when I go for a sleepover in her house,she will carry my Gen to filling station to go and buy fuel,buy foodstuffs and share into two,shes the best.if I need money from my father in law she tells me to double it.lol.what more do I want? .my hubby is far away from home so she does her best to make me happy and I love her too.i pray I am even a better mother in law than her in future.

    • Rossy

      August 1, 2016 at 2:47 pm

      Well said Busola. It is indeed very refreshing to read from well brought up young ladies who represent their pedigree of good manners and sound character. God Bless you and may your home and marriage be Blessed.

  37. Sweery

    June 29, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    For a second I thought I typed this,this was exactly my case when I had my first child. Since then, I made myself scarce and marked my territory. I don’t fight and I don’t talk I let my silence and prayers handle most of my troubles. Its worked magic!

  38. Anjies mum

    June 29, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    My MIL is a lovely, she is not perfect but early on in the relationship i noted her pet peeves and things i would not like . She is in a position where she leads a lot of ppl so used to having her way so i have learnt to say okay mummy, and do what i want. Like my wedding dress, she kept asking me and telling me it must have sleeves etc i was just like yes ma, i kuma wore jacket on it and took it off after service. She is very very easy to talk to, as she works with young ppl and a lot of ppl gush to me about how lucky i am to have her. She does not stress or poke nose in to our affairs if anything encourages us to build our home and avoid mistakes she made. She is also extremely busy so no time to meddle in petty issues. i lived with her for a couple of months and it was no stress at all. when i wash the bathroom or sweep her room she would thank and thank and pray for me. Nothing felt forced or staged. My husband is the first and her only son and she pretty much raised her kids single handedly . I definitely wont trade her for the world she is a very godly woman and i hope to be like her someday.

    • Rossy

      August 1, 2016 at 2:45 pm

      Well said darling. God Bless you and Amen you shall be better for your own children and generations.

  39. Tobereal

    June 29, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    My Step Mother who raised me raised me partially almost ruined my wedding and my marriage before it even started….some really strange moves…so glad we so far away from her…things can never be the same again..
    She made my wife’s life unbearable and tried to ruin her rep with my siblings and the extended family from MIL’s side..
    Thank God for my father’s side of the family.
    Suffice to say..the family is in turmoil..some gone quiet on us but i don’t care…it’s been an eye opener..feel betrayed by my own family..a woman that professed always wanting the best for me..
    I could reveal so much but i would be decoded..
    But why is it always the Husband’s mother??…the fathers are nice to their daughter in laws though..
    You better believe some 9jas are diabolical just fortify yourselves with prayers..
    @SociallyAwkward…tell them o..people think Oyinbo is utopia..just different aggro..we .cannot underestimate the extended family support system especially if you live abroad…

  40. Merlin

    June 30, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    I will never marry a man with a living mother. I won’t even try it.

    • Rossy

      August 1, 2016 at 2:43 pm

      Remember somebody (some girl) someday will pray same for you, should you have a son or sons !!!! Simple law of nature.

  41. ty

    September 20, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    I ve always prayed to God to give me a good mother in law who will love me and I will love sincerely like my mother. I did got married as a matter of fact, mother in law was one of d reasons y I married my husband. She has been living with us since I had my first child three yrs ago. She has trully been nice to me and I love her to a fault. In d cause of our living together. She offends me at times but her kindness to me always make me to ignore immediately. Things started changing wen my salary was reduced and my givin to her droped. Despite d fact dat I explained my salary situation to her. She just started seeing faults in most of d things I do. She pretend to be nice to me esp b4 my husband. Whereas she goes to her daughters telling them all sorts of wicked and unimaginable lies about me. She sees my mum and siblings as rivals. Whereas I dare not paint her bad b4 them as they see her as a wondaful mum inlaw. Things got bad d day I heard her mockin me wit my sons health. I walked out on her rather than saying a word. She came after me to give me a hot slap. Ever since she has been goin about about telling people all sorts about me. She is simply aiming at something but I ve God

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