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This is “why some ladies cannot leave abusive relationships” – Alibaba speaks on ladies who see a man as a financial plan

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Veteran comedian Alibaba has a message for women who think men are a financial plan and men who share the same thoughts.

Read below and share your thoughts:

This is what I should have sent to that extremely pretty lady I met in a Governor’s Lodge, in Abuja in 2009. When I say she was a beauty… I mean finer than Bianca OJUKWU. And as we got gisting and waited for Our Excellency to attend to us, she revealed that she had a 2.1 in Microbiology.

At the time, I was a brand ambassador for Chivita (Hollandia). So I asked if she would like to work with Chivita. So I could call Mr BERI. She stood up and said “Why would I go and work with this kind of body?”

I then asked why she studied so hard to make 2.1 and end up not wanting to work. She said “Bros, if them tell you say I study, so you go believe?”… she then dropped the bomb. She is not looking for a job. She is looking for a rich boy from a wealthy home, marry him, have kids, and if he misbehaves… “he go settle me and i go just waka”.

I am bringing this up now, because after her, in the last 6 years, I have met Many young ladies with that mind set. The underlying philosophy with this mindset is that the lady believes a guy holds the key to all her aspirations.

Sadly, some guys think like that too. This kind of thinking is why some ladies can not leave abusive relationships. They would rather bear the inhuman treatment than to be free of the abuse and face life on their own.

31 Comments

  1. Mouth mouth

    February 11, 2017 at 7:50 am

    Most girls don’t like to work. Very lazy looking for a rich man to take care of them together with their parents lol. They show so much of their bodies just to attract us but unfortunately for them. We have seen it and seen it and it does not look nothing new. cheap and very disgusting ,nothing like a lady who works hard and a classy unrevealing dress. Natural hair

    • Dvoice

      February 11, 2017 at 8:49 am

      I think some ladies need to be orientated on what it means to have a real and good relationship and not a money making machine man

    • EE

      February 11, 2017 at 11:10 am

      My brother Mouth Mouth is searching, weave wearing, breast flaunting, skin bleaching ladies need not apply.

    • nnenne

      February 11, 2017 at 10:22 pm

      If I must cook, wash and clean after you like ” a real African woman”, why should I work?

      Some African men want everything. …a bread winner and a house girl. You gotta choose one!
      As you desire a financial helper, the woman also desires a man who helps at home. Otherwise, she cannot perform when you need her most out of tiredness! !!

  2. David Osahon Okokhue

    February 11, 2017 at 7:51 am

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  3. Agu

    February 11, 2017 at 9:34 am

    He did not address the issue completely. Because majority of reason why women cant leave abusive relationships have everything to do with 2 things 1. Women are not really open for change or trying something new like men always do. Women in abusive relationships tend to think that whom ever the are with will someday change for better or the will change the man to be better but majority of the time it does not work that way and in the log run things end very badly in that relationship.

    No2 women tend to make decisions about the kinda of men the choose not totally based on money as most men think it’s but rather control women choose control before love. If the think the can control you and the can easily get comfortable around you and your affairs then it’s a deal with them which sometimes work for them and sometimes don’t. You can just define women in black and white perspective like men women in general are more complex. That’s why the see color and men don’t

    • osa

      February 11, 2017 at 3:31 pm

      Pls redraft your incoherent epistle.

  4. AceOfSpades

    February 11, 2017 at 9:37 am

    Talk about how only men have been badly raised! Shiooor

  5. Spunky

    February 11, 2017 at 9:52 am

    Whistling Britney Spears ” work b**ch” *stroll away…

  6. Pecky

    February 11, 2017 at 10:20 am

    so on point for the lazy gals

  7. Darmie

    February 11, 2017 at 11:08 am

    How I wish I had this opportunity……get me a job in these perilous times??….i will be glad.

  8. EE

    February 11, 2017 at 11:13 am

    First off, Bianca Ojukwu is way way overhyped.

    Second why don’t we just Occam this, people stay in abusive relationships because they enjoy it. Same reason some people smoke, watch reality TV or speed on a wet road. No need to be mourning more than the owners of the corpse.

  9. Theresa Doghor

    February 11, 2017 at 12:21 pm

    Just read the comment and you will see how Nigerian men think and treat women
    It just shows that they are not well brought up…

    Funniest thing is, it is only lazy girls they can catch in their trap because many of them don’t get responsible early enough.
    They think marriage will make them responsible and then they start cheating because culture blames them for nothing, culture always blames the women.

  10. Sisi

    February 11, 2017 at 12:58 pm

    The truth of the matter is that there a ladies who think like this, it’s not new and certainly not unique to Nigeria. That why some chase football players, music artists etc. because the money is there – WAGs, groupies. In Nigeria it seems to be becoming the trend amongst regular folk – working professionals, entrepreneurs, graduates even etc. and for some it is because that’s what they saw growing up, their Mother’s even advise them that way, they have no belief in their own capability as women to create the life they want, they are lazy and it is a means to an end. That’s how they end up trapped in the long run. Men also have a part to play here flashing the cash (whether unsustainable/fake) to entice such women they think they can control and end up with a liability they may grow to resent because having the whole financial burden of a household in modern times is risky and quite frankly unrealistic in 2017.

  11. Theo Legge

    February 11, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    Ladies these days are just relying only on their looks to get them far in life . The reason why Bianca Ojukwu is always used as yardstick is because she has beauty and brains and is very accomplished. Very intelligent and articulate but these nowadays girls have nothing in their brain and those who have refuse to use it

  12. hadiza

    February 11, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    Most women are damn lazy. They don’t like to work rather they go chasing after wealthy men who end up treating them worse than trash. They get what they deserve. If u can’t work, get ready to put up with nonsense.

    • Anon

      February 11, 2017 at 2:44 pm

      But poor men abuse women too. I think money is a huge part of it. But there are many women who can afford to stand on their own, but because of the huge stigma on divorce.

  13. Marian

    February 11, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    Where are you people getting your most women are lazy statistic from? Women who stay in abusive relationships with broke guys nko? The women are the ones working hard to keep the kids in school. Wetin concern serial cheater and beater with school fees?
    Are we saying the population of rich guys in Nigeria is more than the poor ones? Unless Most Nigerian men are wealthy then most Nigerian women can not be lazy.

    Have you been to the market lately? I usually see women from dusk till dawn hustling to take care of their kids. Some of these instagram baddies are not the majority and Nigerian women should not be judged by their behavior.
    I think most women in Nigeria stay in abusive relationships because our culture got them thinking it’s the norm.
    We act like there is a special place in heaven for married folks and pressure people into getting and keeping the Mrs. title even if it comes with a lifetime of abuse.

    • Idomagirl

      February 12, 2017 at 7:40 am

      Are you minding them?
      Pulling out baseless stats from thin air…

      Nigerian women may be a lot of things but lazy certainly isn’t one of the them.
      How many women today are sole breadwinners?
      How many are supplementing their husband’s income?
      And even if you do not work outside the home, the bulk of childcare and domestic work falls on your shoulders and that is work! (and women who work outside the home still bear this burden)
      From sun up to sun down, our hands are busy with work, office, business, housework…so anyone saying MOST Nigerian women are lazy is talking nonsense.

      Of course there are women who are absolutely pampered and have an army of servants, but we all know they are a tiny minority.

  14. slice

    February 11, 2017 at 1:42 pm

    It’s not always laziness . Some women just want to be stay at home mum’s and take care of their family and some men want a wiman like that too.

  15. buttercuP

    February 11, 2017 at 2:34 pm

    I’m not in an abusive relationship, but truth is I got lazy, you see back then in school, I was in an abusive relationship, I knew I could do better but I stayed cuz he was really popular and also stingy. Well I hustled to take care of myself, thank God for ushering jobs back then, it helped alot. At some point I received sense and broke it off. I met my now husband, I was still working, the pay was small and sincerely I hated it, cuz you get exposed to so many horrible men, and sometimes you had to work really late (shows, events and All) and I hated the stigma (all ushering girls are potential runz girls) but hey it paid the bills.
    Anyways…as I said I met my now hubby, he literally provided everything for me, I had an allowance sef, life was good, I quit ushering..i was a ‘baby girl’. I just assumed everything will continue to be rosy, id get a great job after school (I mean who wouldn’t. Want to hire awesome me *laugh*) and life will go on.
    We got married, and things have gone south, money is very very very tight, I don’t have a job, I’m sooo clueless, I don’t even know where to start from. Or what to do with myself, it’s like I’m brain dead. I believed so much in getting a job, I have applied everywhere, gotten a certification to while away time.
    Hubby is great (never been abusive) working his ass off, I’m here feeling guitly cuz in all honesty I don’t know what to do, I’m not passionate about anything. I’m just…….bleeeh, and usually very grumpy!
    I’m not even sure if it’s relevant to this topic. But I keep thinking, I think I. Got lazy, if I had kept on hustling, looking for ways to make my money, id prolly have stumbled or exposed myself to something i would have loved….i can’t believe I’m even sharing this.

    • Marian

      February 11, 2017 at 3:31 pm

      I have to go out now and will try to come back to finish my thought on this. Another word came to mind while i was reading your story. If you had been working at your dream job when your hubby met you, doubt you would have been quick to give it up for the allowance you were getting from him. You were working a job you hated to make ends meet so when a better opportunity in your opinion presented itself you took it.

      The fact that you are feeling guilty creates another picture of a young lady who understands she’s not working at her full potential. I want you to take ownership and keep trying to figure out what you can do. Carry your hubby along because feelings like that can quickly turn into depression and you need someone in your corner as your cheerleader to boost your confidence while you figure things out.

      I pray you find a great job that you love soon.

  16. mickie

    February 11, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    Hi BN, how do I send a mail to Aunty Bella?

    • Atoke

      February 11, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      Hello,

      Send an email, with the issue you have, to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com – with the subject matter ‘Aunty Bella’

      Thanks.

    • Mickie

      February 11, 2017 at 7:36 pm

      Thanks.

  17. Awetu

    February 11, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    Biko, some men don’t like loyal girls they like to suffer .if they don’t suffer they won’t enjoy the relationship, you’ll be dating a guy and you don’t want to reck him yet he’ll need appreciate you.

  18. esteem

    February 11, 2017 at 6:54 pm

    Marian, did i hear you saying “women” should not be judged by their behaviours? You got that wrong if you think men abuse because of our cultural norms and belief and not because of non challantness. If you still insist, why also have some women feels it’s the men that should provide for them at all cost even if they have boxes filled wt money, the one in the hands of men is sweeter? ThankGod some women could hustle legitemately for Africa.

  19. Lucy

    February 11, 2017 at 11:27 pm

    @ Alibaba “A man is not a financial plan” is an exhausted and irrelevant topic. Na who you epp? how does this topic affect the price of rice, the rising cost of living or crime? why wait 6 years to write on this issue if it’s so important? perhaps, you are having a slow day or looking for a reaction. Well here it is.

    If a man doesn’t want to be a financial plan then choose a woman wisely. Men should change their mindset on the roles of a African woman and be with a woman for more than just her superficial features. I doubt that is too much to ask… Men have the power to choose not to be a financial plan, abi were you force into the relationship?

    Abuse of any kind NEVER acceptable regardless of gender, physical, economic, and intellectual differences. The fact that a woman desires a man who can take care of her doesn’t provide an excuse for relationship abuse. Alibaba please use your social media plate form next time to promote positive changes and not useless conversations.

  20. Different

    February 12, 2017 at 7:37 am

    Hello Buttercup , If not for the fact that i went to university and got a job right out of NYSC, i think i would be like you. Am trying to get a side business but am so blank. Can’t seem to find my passion. Seems like i’m in a maze with no end in sight. Maybe am not praying enough or in the right way. Sometimes i feel so depressed and lethargic.

    • Marian

      February 12, 2017 at 12:49 pm

      @Different and Buttercup

      Thanks for the word blank, thats the word i was thinking of.

      At the end of the day a lot of us want to feel like we matter. We don’t want to be just another Marian, buttercup filling up space. It’s not even about the money though that helps but feeling like your job or role makes a difference.

      It’s very important to share our feelings with our loved ones because they see us in a way we are not able to see ourselves. Nothing like le boo reminding me of the many hours i put in, the lives i touch to make me smile and reset my feelings.

      Buttercup, i’m sure if you talk to your hubby, he will tell you the million and one things you do that you probably don’t see or take for granted. Your husband may have some business ideas of his own too. Talk to him, share and bounce ideas off him.

      Get out of the house, share your feelings, go to a conference, volunteer, open a blog… you are not alone.

      @Different Talk to your parents, siblings, best friend, fav aunt uncle. You can learn more about yourself that way and discover your passion. Sometimes we expect our passion to be something larger than life. You may have to think outside the box. I discovered one of mine when i was reading the bible one day. It was so simple and obvious but i didn’t think it qualified as one before that.

      Depression robs you of the joy of living. Even when you are not where you want to be, the gift of life brings hope. Appreciate where you are now and keep working on getting yourself to where you want to be. It’s best when you have someone cheering you on too so i highly encourage carrying someone you trust along.

      My job allows me to see people who go through life with just the ability to feel from the neck up. People who need to take more than 30 pills daily to keep things together. When i see them smile, it also helps me to appreciate life and not let my current situation rob me of the joy of life.

      ” You may not be where you want to be, but you can look back and be thankful you’re not where you used to be”

      I pray that God’s peace which transcends all understanding will guard your heart in Jesus name.

      These songs bring me comfort: Who am i and Praise you in this storm by casting crowns and Halleluya by lara George.

    • Maxine

      February 12, 2017 at 6:32 pm

      Thou art a wise woman Marian……. Depression is too too real…….

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