Nkem Says: Maybe You’ll Find True Love When You Drop the Sense of Entitlement

One of my nephews, Chikereuba, turned 7 last week. Usually, I would take him out on a date, just the two of us; this year, I didn’t. Instead I had a small surprise party at my apartment for him. He didn’t seem to like the change in routine though. Clearly, had been looking forward to giving me a headache over what ice cream to order at Cold Stone after lunch (he does this every time). Chike went on to throw a massive tantrum…and as you would imagine, his 3-year-old brother joined in on it. I picked the little one up, kissed him and apologized, then promised to take both of them out for ice-cream later. *eye roll*. They were kids, so the tantrum and all was understandable. It was cute even.

As children, it is okay to kick up a fuss over not getting what we want or believe we deserve…but as we grow old, it makes sense that we know better. We should learn to wait our turn, be patient and show a measure of consideration for others. But then, while this is the expectation, some people never learn. These are adults who still throw tantrums over being deprived of certain things, but just in more “grown-up”, subtle and sophisticated ways. They still expect the ‘special treatment’ and wear a sense of entitlement as they would a badge of honor. They think so highly of themselves. They believe they are the center of the universe, so the universe has to meet all needs and desires in spite of themselves. They believe they can have it all because they are special and they deserve it.

Sure, it is important to feel valued and important, and it is important to have standards and values. However, there is such a thing as going overboard, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. That is where entitlement comes in. And it poses a danger as it tends to present itself as a safe place to hide, but in reality gets you nowhere. At best it is self-serving, and at worst it tends toward narcissism. You believe you are deserving of or entitled to a certain type of partner and lifestyle – this could be height, looks, wealth, personality or any number of things. You have unrealistic expectations so it’s hard to give others a fair chance as you feel you deserve only the best or rather, what you perceive to be the best. Basically, no one is ever good enough for you.

I recently met a guy, 35. He grew up privileged: wealthy parent, attended private schools, university abroad, and now he has a great job, has a car, rents his own apartment and is even building his own start-up. The thing is, he looked at dating as a caste system and was unwilling to give real chances to those he believed were beneath him. He had a list of things he wanted from his “ideal” partner, from body part requirements and looks to ungodly salary demands that got me gasping in astonishment. Worse, he actually wondered why people who were less educated, talented, and “attractive” had already settled down with the kind of woman he deserves, while he remained single. This dude I’m talking about is a far cry from Kofi Siroboe, but he clearly does not see it. Is it really surprising that he’s still single AF? I wanted to ask him: when was the last time you looked at yourself in a mirror? Do you really believe that you have the looks and personality to attract the kind of “pretty” and gorgeous, high-class woman you are looking for?

Sure, when we are younger, we write out a list of what we think we want in a potential partner, but as we get older, most of us realize how risible that checklist really is. Not entitled people though. They are firmly convinced that they can’t “settle” for less than the very best. Unfortunately, it is the same dating tunnel vision that dooms them to a life of being single.

If you are not running away from a crowd – of the kind people you are looking for- who are on your case, then chances are you need to re-evaluate your priorities and preferences and also take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Don’t throw a tantrum and ask God why he is mean to you or blame situations and friends for being the reason you still single AF. You are not entitled to anything or anyone for any reason. Are you looking for an independent woman? Then you need to also be a self-sufficient man. If you want a woman who is 10/10 on the physical side, you have to make sure you yourself are 10/10. You need to be able to offer what you seek and be what the kind of person you are looking for will want. The facts that you think you are perfect or special does not actually mean you are. If you are perfect then why are you still alone? Perhaps your sense of entitlement is the only thing standing in your way of lasting love.

Entitlement is a bubble that surrounds you and distorts your reality. You need to engage in a measure of introspection if you seek to pop the bubble. Surround yourself with friends who will tell you the truth and please accept the truth when it is told to you rather than be defensive. Believe it or not, every single person in any marriage or long-term relationship settles to some degree. Don’t pass over love because of a sense of entitlement.

Have you ever lost your chance at love over a sense of entitlement? Do you know anyone who is still single because of his/her sense of entitlement? Share your experience in the comment section below.