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“Marriage and kids not my ‘crowning glory'” – Kemi Adetiba

BellaNaija.com

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Director Kemi Adetiba shared a video of actress Tracee Ellis Ross’ speech at the Glamour Women of the Year awards which took place earlier this month. In the video, Tracee shared how not being married takes nothing from her personal achievements.

Adetiba shared the post with a caption clarifying what Ross’ speech says. She wrote:

Before the “miss the point” folks start running rogue in my comment section, Tracee Ellis Ross has never once said she never wants to be married or have children. What she is saying however, is that because she currently has neither, some people choose to invalidate all of her personal achievements and growth. Their line of reasoning is her life is yet to have TRUE meaning until a husband and child punctuate her entire existence.
This struck a chord as I get this all the time. I will be 38 in just over a month and a half, and while I would LOVE to be married (to my God-chosen companion, and best friend) and have child(ren), I am very comfortable with the knowledge that my life is just as valid, and beautiful, and happy, and successful, if for some reason that never comes to pass. Marriage and kids is not my “crowning glory”… It’s another BEAUTIFUL step in life I would love to take. I’d also love to make (and keep) a billion dollars in my lifetime, but I won’t be any less of a woman or Kemi Adetiba if that didn’t come to pass either.
No… I’m not comparing the two. I’m just highlighting it doesn’t diminish a (Wo)man’s -Kemi Adetiba’s – worth if it never happens.
Hello… Good morning ☺️ Have a great Tuesday.

See the post below:

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Before the "miss the point" folks start running rogue in my comment section, Tracee Ellis Ross has never once said she never wants to be married or have children. What she is saying however, is that because she currently has neither, some people choose to invalidate all of her personal achievements and growth. Their line of reasoning is her life is yet to have TRUE meaning until a husband and child punctuate her entire existence. This struck a chord as I get this all the time. I will be 38 in just over a month and a half, and while I would LOVE to be married (to my God-chosen companion, and best friend) and have child(ren), I am very comfortable with the knowledge that my life is just as valid, and beautiful, and happy, and successful, if for some reason that never comes to pass. Marriage and kids is not my "crowning glory"… It's another BEAUTIFUL step in life I would love to take. I'd also love to make (and keep) a billion dollars in my lifetime, but I won't be any less of a woman or Kemi Adetiba if that didn't come to pass either. No… I'm not comparing the two. I'm just highlighting it doesn't diminish a (Wo)man's -Kemi Adetiba's – worth if it never happens. Hello… Good morning ☺️ Have a great Tuesday.

A post shared by Kemi Adetiba (@kemiadetiba) on

31 Comments

  1. Mamamia

    November 21, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    Are u sure? Keep telling yourself that so u can believe it, saying this on social media only screams validation, and we do not need that do we? I wish more women will state their fears as they are. I mean Men do this all the time, sometimes even write letters to their imaginary wives that we all laugh about. We don’t need to always take ourselves so seriously when it comes to discussing our heart desires. state them as they are and see how God works or better still talk to your God and leave social media validation alone. (I am talking to myself too)

    • Jemimah

      November 22, 2017 at 1:43 am

      Wow! It’s obvious your greatest achievement in life is your marriage but do you, baby!

    • CurvesAndEdges

      November 22, 2017 at 2:57 am

      She’s not denying her desires. On the contrary she’s said she wants to get married. She’s just saying it’s not her crowning glory. I think that should be our attitude towards every thing we long for: ‘ I want it but if I don’t get it, I’ll be okay’. Would you rather she says ‘I must get married or I’ll die trying’?

    • BC

      November 22, 2017 at 8:50 pm

      Don’t mind her. I didn’t even bother to read the article. “I don’t need men, I don’t need children. Plenty celebs before her have chanted the same thing, until a man proposed and they became wives and moms. Nse Ikpe tim comes to mind. Those women lying to themselves will live to face the consequences

  2. Elle

    November 22, 2017 at 12:17 am

    Not surprised to see the comments they have been left on this article, you people are so senseless. She said she would like to get married and have kids but if she doesn’t do that it doesn’t make her any less of a woman. Would you rather she had said ‘ If I don’t get married and have kids, I’ll kill myself’. NONSENSE.

    • Ms B

      November 22, 2017 at 12:48 am

      Allow the ignorant wallow in their ignorance. Comprehension is a problem for many.

  3. Ada ada

    November 22, 2017 at 1:04 am

    To all the haters of my dear friend Kemi Adetiba & all the negative energy that consumes you, I agree with her views as many women use marriage & motherhood to validate their worth. I’m happily married with kids but that does not define me and why should it be an icing on my cake?! It’s a blessing. When a woman such as Kemi reaches the height of success, it becomes more difficult to meet someone that accepts you, who isn’t intimidated by you and sincerely wants to grow with you. So stop blasting my girl! God is in control.

  4. CrazyWorld

    November 22, 2017 at 2:52 am

    Kemi Adetiba might have a point and really mean what she wants with her write up and the message in the video but the woman in that video gan gan is not saying the truth.

    While I was trying to become a good conversationalist. I read so much books from psychology to handwriting analysis to body language. From her hand movement and movement of her eyes and body, she does want to be married. The pressure is on her and she would feel complete if she is married but she is saying this to build a front. She’s saying this to show she’s living just great but it’s not true. She will be alright anyway.

    • Loki

      November 22, 2017 at 9:14 am

      Seriously? This sounds like the stuff once false prophet once said to me when he said he could “see” that I really wanted to give him one million Naira but I was being advised by the devil to keep my money. I kept my money.

    • Bleed Blue

      November 22, 2017 at 11:35 am

      Loki just come and be my pal already. I’m getting tired of loving your comments from afar.

      Come with yo’ bad self and let’s have a dinner party with my other pals and talk about good food recipes and the Nigerian economy and the work of Aubrey de Grey and spirituality and Fenty beauty products and time travel and non-artificial female empowerment and millennial babies with their lactose intolerance and best (cheapest) travel destinations within the continent.

      Come through!!!

  5. Ajala & Foodie

    November 22, 2017 at 2:54 am

    At first I was appalled at many of the comments on here. Then again I thought to myself why should I be. I normally would desist from responding to articles like this because I think it gives credence to the Nigerian “craze” on all things marriage. However, the truth is that until the average woman especially the Nigerian woman starts realizing she is called to more and for more than the title of Mrs or Mama. We will keep having the same issues we have today in marriage and men will continue to take us for granted. How some can miss the point of this lady’s comment is beyond me and trying to make it all about social media. That a woman tries to empower others by stating emphatically that while she would love to marry someday she has come to realize that God has deposited more in her than just that one aspect, is to empower and enlighten. Nevertheless, some choose to keep making ignorance their bedfellowand before anyone comes for me; I am married, and I have been for a while, so I am neither insecure and nor do I have any fears in that regard but, I am well aware that being a wife while an important role is still a small aspect of what God has called me to be. I am more than the title Mrs. If my fellow women cannot see and appreciate that it is no wonder that many men choose to treat their wives unfairly because they know these “fears and insecurities” exist (where one really shouldn’t ) so they know you all ain’t going no where.

    Lastly, we need to stop projecting, that you have some fears about being single, does not mean every single woman out there does. We all have our fears but trust me it is not all about marriage. If that is your fear all well and good, deal with it, but don’t project that unto somebody else. I actually know quite a few single women that are crushing boundaries and making a difference in different areas of life and for many of them the truth is their fears have little or nothing to do with marriage. Their fears like mine is dying and realizing I never scratched the surface of what God had planned for me not the rush for the title of Mrs.

  6. John

    November 22, 2017 at 7:30 am

    I will be 38 in just over a month and a half……Now , I understand the self -consolation but I actually get it ..I too will console myself if I am In your shoes…..but the truth is that your Old so forget about marriage ( unless some kinda miracle happens but it is rare for a woman of your age)..infact I would advise u to use your money and go and buy some cats and a maybe save your eggs bcos in a few more years ,u would be too old for that too…or u can adopt ..and while you are at it , u can join the online Nigerian feminists association and insult men like~ men are scum, that insecure Nigerian men are not intrested in you bcos your an intelligent , strong , independent black woman .. and share some feminist quotes online( u can even throw in some bible quotes, it is optional) ..you know some delusions to blow off some frustration steam. It can help you to sleep better. My 2 cents

    • Baymax

      November 22, 2017 at 7:54 am

      She’s better off being single than married to someone like you.

    • Wendy

      November 22, 2017 at 8:17 am

      Lol… unfortunate unsuccessful Lil dck John in building! Repping for the short bus whackas ninjas per usual. Clap for yourself.
      I find it funny how you don’t see the irony in all this. News flash!!: YOU are living proof that having kids is not crowning glory! I’m sure you get the constant reminder that you represent ashes of sorrow and shame, so this isn’t news… just maybe your low IQ couldn’t relate the two together, so you’re welcome.
      Anyways, now tell us who needs consolation if it’s not your mother for not doing the right thing by getting rid of you? Is she not better barren?

      Well, I’m busy today… you get a pass for talking crap… everyday for the thief. Brb

    • iyabo

      November 22, 2017 at 9:01 am

      its you’re

    • Ima

      November 22, 2017 at 10:28 am

      Why are u attacking? How old did NSE get married? And to a single man for that matter. The likes of u want to retain the old statusquo. Why she is changing the narrative. KING WOMAN.

  7. Loki

    November 22, 2017 at 8:14 am

    @Kemi Adetiba- May I suggest a a part-time job as an English teacher? Maybe you can coach the illiterate – above how to read and comprehend English language.
    On the other hand, You can’t always get what you want, But if you try sometimes well you just might find , you get what you need – The Rolling Stones.
    Not everyone will find their mate; and people just have to find a way to be fine with that.
    People be talking like they’ve achieved every dream they’ve ever had. Bloody gbeboruns.

  8. Wendy

    November 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    You don’t have anything going for you though? So?

  9. bose

    November 22, 2017 at 10:10 am

    an aunt of mine turned 50 recently. she told me when she was 38 and was single and childless, her greatest fear was not achieving the career goals she set for her self at 16 and financial security. that she was only sad she had not even started a Phd which she had planned to get at 35. so she decided to take the bull by the horn, resigned her job and went back to school. she met her hubby through her project supervisor. 10 yrs on she is married and a mother of 5 (multiples births) the youngest are 6. she is lucky to have a hubby who even though he is very loaded, supports her to achieve self-actualisation. I have come to realize, that life in general is not how far, but how well. we all run a different race . and just because the orange tree takes 10 yrs to fruit, that doesn’t make it or its fruit less important than the pawpaw.

    • Loki

      November 22, 2017 at 10:23 am

      You should set this to music and dedicate it to John.

    • Ellie

      November 22, 2017 at 11:29 am

      you said it all. The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.

    • Diamond

      November 22, 2017 at 12:22 pm

      @ Bose, your auntie’s story is inspiring. Before I hit 30, I really wanted to marry. Did everything I thought was right, and followed my parents advice so I could marry – my parents advise cost me a relationship I really wanted to succeed or so I thought. But my parents and friends all think the guy never wanted to go further. I almost died of suicidal depression over that failed relationship. But by the grace of God, I pulled through. And promised never to allow my marital status take away my life and joy. Presently, I am even displeased I listened to my parents not to enroll in medical school after my first degree, all because of marriage. Just look at all the years wasted.

  10. Sakura

    November 22, 2017 at 10:32 am

    @Temi Tope, why so mean? I’m truly confused. Do you know her personally? Not being in a romantic relationship does not mean an absence of love my dear. Please try on some kindness and compassion.

  11. Stephen Ron Wells

    November 22, 2017 at 11:25 am

    YEA RIGHT
    BOOM

  12. Andrew

    November 22, 2017 at 11:52 am

    The problem is you want Anthony Joshua

    • mie

      November 22, 2017 at 6:42 pm

      hahahahahaha. you gerrit hehehehe. this is the best comment here. yes i am unserious like that.

  13. Shakara Woman

    November 22, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    You can be single and realize all your dreams. You can be married and realize your dreams as well. Just live life to the fullest and fulfill your God given purpose. Marriage shouldn’t stop that. Singleness shouldn’t stop that either. You have the world under your feet girl! Go conquer!!!

  14. Tolu Fagbohun

    November 22, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    For some women the only claim to fame or accomplishment they will ever have on this side of heaven is marriage. Take marriage from them and they have absolutely nothing to show for their existence here on earth. They therefore hide behind the MRS title as an excuse not to pull their boot straps up and show the fruits of their being here. For those of you bashing Kemi,can i please ask you, what have you achieved really besides here on earth apart from being married and is your marriage even something to right home about it? In the vast majority of cases, its utterly shambolic. If marriage was the be and end all, have you ever wondered why there is no marriage in heaven. Leave Kemi alone and face your own lives and for goodness sake work to achieve something for yourself. If Kemi put her accomplishments side by side with yours, majority of you will hide your faces in shame. In God’s own time, He will make it happen for her. It’s not her fault that she can’t find a man who is not weak and can handle being married to an achiever.

    • hun

      November 23, 2017 at 9:46 am

      Careful now, Marriage is a big deal and having a great marriage is a big accomplishment. Just as people aspire to other things apart from Marriage, that shouldn’t take away the truth that a great marriage a big accomplishment.

  15. olajumoke

    November 22, 2017 at 5:27 pm

    Marriage has never defined anyone neither has being single defined who you are… Life is funny as some married folks even want to become single again..so don’s think marriage is a bed of roses where you have a fairy tale ending..iit is serious work! it is high time people realize that not everyone will get married! and what if God is really holding her off from getting married to the wrong person? or wants her to work on herself more before she gets married? then so be it.. Be very grateful that while being single you can achieve all that God wants you to achieve…. At least she is giving some inspiration, how are you inspiring your generation?

  16. Favour

    November 22, 2017 at 8:26 pm

    All is well

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