Honesty Junkie

I love my girlfriends! I love hanging with them! There are very few problems on this earth, that a quick drink or dinner date with the girls cannot solve. My girls have laughed with me, they have cried with me and they have fought my enemies with me! I will say it anywhere, anytime, I love my girls!

So you can imagine why I relish my regular drinks and dinner dates with my babes! No subject is off limits, work, religion, bosses, parents, boyfriends, husbands, kids, you name it we’ve discussed it. Usually at the beginning of our regular meets, conversation may start off a bit reserved. We are all bugged down with our own little worries but as soon as we’ve had a few cocktails all inhibitions vanish and conversation turns raucous!

It was on one such ‘meets’ with the girls that we began discussing the merits of honesty. We realized that almost every woman, perhaps African women in particular, have an ‘official’ number of guys she has been with, which she tells her husband or significant other. While she keeps the ‘more accurate number’ closely bound to her chest between herself and her Maker! According to a few of my friends, honesty is really never the best policy especially where an African man is on the receiving end of the truth. I, as usual, remained the idealist of the bunch. I protested that honesty was always the best policy, African or not. I don’t know what you guys think, but I want to be with someone who is my friend. Someone I can tell my deepest darkest secrets too. I don’t really see the point in having a life partner if you can’t lay it all bare for them to see you and accept you for who you are, past mistakes, achievements and all. As usual my girls laughed at me, they shook their heads at what the have fondly dubbed ‘Glory’s naïve nature’.

To illustrate her point, one of my friend’s reminded me about her ex. They’d been dating since we’d graduated from university (about 5years) and we had all pretty much assumed that they’d get married. Unfortunately, homeboy had other plans! He broke up with her two days before Valentine’s Day and was married to another chic barely a year later. His reason? A simple one, he claimed my friend had too much ‘baggage’. Apparently during their period of courtship they’d play this game called ‘10 questions’ where they’d ask each other every type of intimate question under the sun. It was during these game sessions that my friend spilled her guts about her less than ‘good girl’ days at university. She told him everything! What she did, what her friends did and what she wished she didn’t do!

So when marriage time came, homeboy pulled his ace! He told my friend’s relatives that he thought my friend was a ‘bad girl’ who had spent most of her university days sleeping around. When asked why he waited 5 whole years to break the relationship, he said it was more of a trust issue. That while he loved my friend as a girlfriend, he couldn’t love or trust her as a wife! Those who attended the wedding said he spoke of his wife’s virtuous characters during his vote of thanks. He compared her to the Proverbs 31 woman and went on about how difficult it was to find a woman of trust worthy repute in this day and age.

So you can understand why this particular friend of mine and others with similar experience are less than likely to be going to any ‘husband confession session’ anytime soon! But come to think of it, I am sure we all know some girl, from way back, who was rumored to have a less than reputable character, who is now happily married with 3 kids and a dotting hubby. How did they do it? Do we really believe that they were honest about their past? Or did they throw away every memory of their less than scrupulous ways? How else can we explain why good girls seemingly finish last? Maybe ‘good girls’ are out there being honest and truthful and the ‘not so good girls’ are wisely pocketing their honesty.

To be honest guys I am stuck on this one. Usually, I’d like to believe that being honest is always the best way to go. Karma as we all know is no friend to the wicked and always finds a way to come back and bite us in the derrière. But when I remember the experience of my friend and others I am a bit more cautious. Is there a way to be less economical with the truth or is that still considered lying? Personally, I am more inclined to take the honesty route but I have this nagging feeling that my girlfriends may just be right about this one! What do you guys think?

Note from Glory: Thanks a million guys for all the advice on ‘Mr Trainer’. I am happy to report that I didn’t have to relocate to Ghana after all, but I did send him a friendly email and he has replied :). Who knows where it might all lead! Thanks again guys!

143 Comments on Honesty Junkie
  • Ehis December 2, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    I cant imagine how your friend felt after.Five years!!WHAAAAT! The guy just couldnt handle the truth, is that not what a relationship is about?Trust and telling the one you love about you positive and negatives?How does he know thewife sef did not do some badgirl stuff in her younger days and only kept it from him

  • Ehis December 2, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    I cant imagine how your friend felt after.Five years!!WHAAAAT! The guy just couldnt handle the truth, is that not what a relationship is about?Trust and telling the one you love about your positive and negatives?How does he know the wife sef did not do some “bad girl” stuff in her younger days and only kept it from him.
    For me honesty is still the best policy!If he wants to leave because of the truth he should leave now.cos what happens if he finds out about what i have done later on, he will divorce me?

  • bcgeorge December 2, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    There is a clear diffrence between being honest and concealling the truth that you are aware is gonna land you in trouble in the nearest future.
    A guy has little or nothing to loose if he confesses all his past escapades to his gurl but trust mi, it’s the least of all things that a man wanna hear from his future wife. It could be too much for a man to swallow.

    What was in the past was in the past, keep it there and focus on the future. He knows you are not a V, he knows you have had a couple of boyfriends, why do you need to burst the bubble by feeding him with the nitty-gritty?

    • jennietobbie December 2, 2010 at 6:28 pm

      note taken

    • mariaah December 2, 2010 at 6:49 pm

      I wonder oo..The thing wey you nova know, no fit kill you…

    • chydee December 2, 2010 at 10:20 pm

      TELL ‘EM BRO !!

    • miss pom pom December 3, 2010 at 2:55 pm

      couldnt have said it better myself!

  • Pinky December 2, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    Men don’t want to be with someone they perceive as having “been around the block” and friendships even in marriage take time to develop. I’ve been advised by many of my aunts to “pocket my honesty” until later in the marriage since men lie all the time anyway.
    Luckily for me, I have relatively little baggage. However, my friends who were wild in school pushed the reset button as soon as they found men with whom they wanted to settle down. I guess it depends on if one is willing to gamble with a marriage that way since there have been cases of the truth coming out at some point and leading to divorce. The rule of thumb in cases like this is to make sure that he hears about your wild ways from you before anyone else gives him the “remixed” version of your history.

  • Temiloluwa Adebayo December 2, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    Honesty is always the best policy…I guess your friend is lucky ’cause he could have pretended that all was well then after marriage, start showing her pepper. Woe betide her if she does not conceive on time. That will be the reason he would cite.

    Honesty is always the way forward. However, wisdom will dictate to you when and how to go about it.

    PS: Good for you on the Mr Trainer issue. Hope it all turns out well.

    http://temiville.wordpress.com/

    • Naijamum December 2, 2010 at 7:54 pm

      I have to differ and say that honesty is subjective *smile*
      Sometimes the truth can be too ‘hot’!

    • busola December 4, 2010 at 2:07 pm

      I was just going to talk about wisdom….Wisdom will tell you what to say and what not to say. I’m not saying you should lie about your past, but in telling things you have to apply wisdom.

    • jmayaki11 December 8, 2010 at 8:51 pm

      Me I dnt agree on dis honesty is d besr bla bla issue. Iv had my own terrible experience n v learnt d had way. I swear, I’m still burning sef. So make honesty go die o. Wat u dnt no, dnt hurt u. As far d guy has no STD, no children outside wedlock , not widowed, divorced or separated, nt a cultist or ritualist and all dis sorts, I no wan no oooo. Let’s begin from the point wre we meet. Let d past be left in d past o(let d dead bury their dead) and let’s hold Hands in2 d future.

  • Oma December 2, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    i have to agree with pinky on this one.
    A man who decides to live in your past maybe is’nt worth spending your future with.
    If God can forget our past who is man to hold us back with it.
    God will give her her own husband jare.
    http://lifethroughomaseyes.blogspot.com

  • Nadia December 2, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    Word of advice to ALL ladies: When u meet a guy u love and see him long-term, push the reset button on your not-so perfect past relationships and leave it at that! Afterall, whats ur past got to do with your present aye??

    • DrealMimi December 2, 2010 at 10:23 pm

      WORD!!!

    • Jack December 3, 2010 at 7:04 am

      The past has a lot to do with the future. Cos it always finds its way into your life later…

    • bootylicious babe December 27, 2010 at 7:41 am

      Word!!

  • KoKolet December 2, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    ..’WAT U DON’T KNOW DONT HURT YOU!’…..

    • Dami December 2, 2010 at 10:22 pm

      thats a lie! what you dont know has the greatest ability to hurt you when it is revealed.

    • gusty December 3, 2010 at 12:20 pm

      den wen u find out it hurts more.????

  • NneSomebody December 2, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    I am all for editing certain parts of your history. Seriously, I don’t think it helps your relationship for your man to have certain images running riot in his head. However, there are important things that you shouldn’t omit to tell, for instance, you had one too many abortions and can no longer have kids; that is one that the man must choose whether he wants to live with or not. I’m sure you get the picture.

  • jezz December 2, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    To me, somethings are best left unspoken. Keep the unnecessary info to yourself

  • Piece of advice December 2, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    This gloria babe sef, u like to dey dig your own grave o. That honesty talk doesn’t work with men, in fact only a few men. One day, one day it will be used as evidence against you especially the whole sex partners talk. My motto is simple: tally all numbers and divide by 10= your new #. example, if you’ve had 10 partners before your hubby to be, 10 divided by 10=1 one, uno, une! kegel exercise your stuff for 6 months while you are dating and don’t get too wet in the beginning of penetration. The thing is elastic. If pikin head fit commot inside there and it closes up then which kind prick pesin chop wey no go tighten up again with time?
    One night stands do not count, it will only count if there is evidence. under 6 months relationships=1/2 sex and thats only if there is evidence o. yup! under 3 months=0. Avoid putting up relationships on facebooks etc. The only status that needs to go up is “MARRIED” engage sef no suppose even dey up there.
    That is how “those runs babes now with perfect hubbys” do it :)
    Remember a man isn’t suppose to know everything about you, only the things that you know he might find out anyways. In that case, you tell him yourself (like a good girl would..wink*) but package the delivery welie welie! hahahahaha. Abeg o, experience is the best teacher jo. Leave the past in your past. Na only Jesus i fit tell everything so unless your hubby is Jesus Christ, he should not be told everything.

    • Enes December 3, 2010 at 4:31 am

      LOL…. this cracked me up. iLIKE.

    • BC December 3, 2010 at 6:10 am

      Laughing real Hard.

    • ochella December 3, 2010 at 9:01 am

      LWKMD @ all the calculations and mathemathics involved in this one. For me i still insist that it is better for a man to know somethings from you than from a friend or family member. (esp when its people who never really approved in the first place) You can imagine how they would paint the picture.
      However timing is the most important thing and i dont think a game is the wisest way to tell someone about your past.
      For all Ladies, we have all made mistakes but now is the time to make wiser decisions so we don’t end up with so much more baggage.

    • GNV December 3, 2010 at 11:46 am

      LWKMD. i like all the calculations and i totally agree with this piece of advice.

    • keke May 6, 2011 at 2:15 pm

      exactly. i agree with u 200%. men can not just handle the truth

    • olamide November 25, 2011 at 7:43 pm

      I love! cant stop laughing

  • jennietobbie December 2, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    OK, so here is my own comment: If a man cannot handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best. !!! Is not like he doesn’t have a dirty past too? people are quick to judge others from THEIR own lens but common, we are ALL humans=IMPERFECT!!!! We all make mistakes and have different opinions. I would love to know my bf past so that if I can deal with it now and look beyond his past and still believe we could take over the future, why not????? Marriage may be complicated when these past secrets start leaking. I’m telling you. So, save the major heart attack for the temporary disappointment. Deal with it ONCE AND FOR ALL and stop running!!!

    Average life sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone is doing it….so what????? Be honest. There are so many dishonest people flocking around, the world cannot hold them anymore.

    The truth sets you free and I know it’s painful when you’ve invested a lot of time in a relationship and your past suddenly appears like “wili wili” to spoil the fun ride….but hey…it’s ok. S/He is not for you. Let’s be patient with love and try not to tweak our standards just to meet up with the rest of the world. There’s someone out there that can deal with your past and still love you like crazy!!!….S/He is the person you should be dying for.

    Love you guys!!!! xoxo

    • Me December 2, 2010 at 8:37 pm

      I totally agree with you, a man who cannot accept you just because of your past is not a MAN. Nobody is perfect and some people honestly change after realizing their mistakes! I don’t get these weak men who cannot handle a girl with a past just too sad…

      • Pelola December 2, 2010 at 10:10 pm

        @ Me, well said o jare

    • my experience December 2, 2010 at 9:02 pm

      hmmm… thank you xxx

    • chinnydiva December 3, 2010 at 9:29 am

      U just made so much sense, there r tears in my eyes just from reading this. A true marriage cannot work unless you are best friends and how can you be best friends with someone you keep secrets from? Like I always say, marriage isnt a do or die affair, if a guy leaves you cos u told him what you were like in d past den be thankful to God because he is not your husband. the important thing is that you have changed,there was something about you that attracted him to you in the 1st place and ur past doesnt remove from dat. I dont wanna belabor d obvious but i wana emphasize dt d key to any successful relationship is God and communication-tell each other ur fears,hopes,dreams and aspirations and ur love will grow stronger for it.

    • sensation December 3, 2010 at 5:39 pm

      Agreed.

  • jennietobbie December 2, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    and G…goodluck with the trainer………I <3

  • Miss ATL December 2, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

  • Somewhere in the midwest December 2, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    Hmmmmm, what about the reverse, I have a friend who is a V, but she pretends she isn’t, only her tight friends know (ooh gal has some serious committment issues) anyway, if you see her, u no go gree sef, it causes the reverse situation for her, as soon as o boys find out, them dey run, no one wants to deal with the wahala of being with a V, she’s in her late 20s, she’s thinking of having a one night stand just to get it over with…as for the topic on post I say there’s nothing wrong with a little white lie here and there, no be American Pie talk say if na woman times 2 to the number, if na man divide by 2 the number (is that right?) he can do the math himself…LOL

    • virgin denier December 2, 2010 at 9:25 pm

      haha me too! i tell people i’m celibate! i haven’t had intercourse yet but i don’t feel like a virgin. i also don’t want the stress identifying as a virgin brings – i just say i’m waiting for the right time – which hasn’t come yet and may not come till i say ‘i do’. i mean i’m still waiting to enjoy a kiss!

      if i had a bad past, i doubt i would tell because i would have blanked it out. In fact i myself frequently forgot some fools i’ve dealt with. they were just that bad. I’ve discovered that women have this need to confess all! it’s not necessary, just give the bare details kai -

    • Jules December 2, 2010 at 11:51 pm

      meeeehn, i so undastand d V situation, it has caused a lot of distancing for me too, but i dont feel the pressure to present myself as d opposite of wat i am, n i’m enjoying a good rship now…it took a long time though, but tell ur friend its not d end of the world until she decides that it is…believe me if a man’s in love wit u, it will always matter but it wont be d overriding factor…true dat!!!! goodluck to ur friend….xoxo!

    • milzpolzy December 4, 2010 at 6:41 pm

      pls advise ur girl not to lose it 2 a one-night stand (she wld most likely regret it)…i got married a V, at 28…it took us abt 2 days 2 finali break d hymen…but i cannot stl forget d timeless expression on hubby’s face (meeen, he was pleased!!!)…my point is i av got a frnd who stl finds it hard 2 forgive herself for giving it up too early

      • mehn! December 6, 2010 at 1:41 pm

        2DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • D.O.T.M.H December 2, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    Everything should be done in moderation and with wisdom

  • mariaah December 2, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    First of all, that guy is a bagga! I will hang one of his balls in Nakasari (far end of Sokoto, borders with Niger) and far end of Lagos, that’s if he has any. (fuming with anger) 5 whole yrs!ONIRANU.. Rant over :)..God will bless her with a man that loves her regardless but bbes no need for the details. Keep it simple, me and my darl we knw just the right amount of details. Fair enough on my side, I no “waka” too much but God knows 1ce in a while I get paranoid of his 3 yrs relationship with his ex even tho they are miles apart and he is not interested but then again thats me..
    Honesty is sooo nt the best policy is some cases. Don’t go telling your man or woman the no of people you ve had romps with, regularity, “sizes” like who wants to know. Keep it to yourself am with you now and that’s all that matters end of..
    Thirdly, Glory Glory that means you wouldn’t b running off yay :) !! Just take it nice and easy I know good things that have started from a mail just after meeting once..Fingers crossed and goodluck!!
    Secondly,

    • Jules December 2, 2010 at 11:58 pm

      LMAO!!!! Omo…dis ur anger is apparent…i can feel d steam thru my screen mehn…..Nakasari…rotfl!!! but some men deserve that kind of treatment….lol!

  • London December 2, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    If he doesn’t ask….don’t tell him!!
    But I do believe that you should hit a point in a serious relationship where you two are best friends and past does not change the future between you two.

  • MelonX December 2, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    The mistake men make, maybe the girl he left her for was in fact a real slut. Maybe she was just very smart and played him like we all really should. If he was her first, then it is even worse, she is mostly likely going to cheat at some point. My approach – I will ask him his deepest secrets to get some insight about his past, I just won’t tell him my complete story. If you’ve experienced college anywhere in the world then you must have had some fun…it is the reality of a full college life. The trick is to keep your inner most secrets to yourself; by the way, there is no such thing as having a best friend in a husband or potential husband to the point that you don’t keep him wondering about you (mystery). That is what keeps the relationship interesting, the “hook”. Men have perfected this we ought to learn how to master this too.

  • Anya December 2, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Men can be funny sometimes. So if she slept with 5 guys, she is a ‘bad girl’ and if he slept with ‘8’ girls, he is a conqueror! all these double standards oshi. like I mean, really?! Sex is sex is sex, whether you are an African man or Australian homo-erectus. If you want an open & honest relationship, bare it all & brave the consequences. But don’t expect the bad girl with her ‘dirty’ secrets to have a honest relationship with her spouse as the smartest way forward, because you don’t know what her husband’s secret may be. In all things use wisdom. If you know your boyfriend cannot stomach the “truth”, biko let sleeping dogs lie. If he’s a truly honourable man, he will acknowledge that everyone (including himself) has a past.

    • bootylicious babe December 27, 2010 at 8:05 am

      Lol!! I totally agree with you

  • honeyb December 2, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    I agree with you. I have a friend on fb that are really married with 3 years and from the looks of it, happily married to the son of one of the wealthiest families in naija. I wonder how they managed since she was known within our circle for her exploits.

  • Abby Bee December 2, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    They say a lady never tells but when asked (and it all depends on what kind of man is asking) I don’t think any guy really wants to have the full director’s cut – they want the reassurance that of all the people you have been with before they’re the best – thus the PG version is always advisable. If you have done something you are ashamed of and regret in your past then it is best for all to put it behind you – the fact that you’re ashamed shows you’ve grown from it. The only time I think it necessary to be absolutely honest is if your actions in the past are affecting your behaviour in the present or will affect your future together i.e. giving a child up for adoption, sleeping with his friend/relative, catching an STD that has caused infertility – dishonesty in such cases would be cruel and selfish.

  • me December 2, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    A man who cannot accept you just because of your past is not a MAN. Nobody is perfect and some people honestly change after realizing their mistakes! I don’t get these weak men who cannot handle a girl with a past just too sad…

  • Lorietta December 2, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    My friend tells her boyfriend everything and the guy talks a lot he tells other guys about us(Her Friends) and honestly that sucks ……and concerning telling a guy the truth na lie oo Ladies shut ur mouth

  • Gam December 2, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    Please o I don’t have any official number..infact I’m just hearing of this sort of it. Sometimes I just wonder about people and the choices they make, as if they haven’t heard of ‘Consequence’ As you lay your bed, na so you go tanda for am.

  • Jade82 December 2, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    I totally agree with ur comments ladies. It is true MEN cannot handle the truth no matter how they ask questions to pretend they really want 2 learn more about you. Word of advice “SHUT UP” and use wisdom to answer these questions. No one is saying don’t be honest, but the truth is these foolish men asking THEY have done worse too…

    From experience i use wisdom to tackle there questions; but if a man should judge you based on your past then he ain’t yours in the first place. Just see it as a lesson learned and move on, because the best is yet to come. I have experienced this before and the funny thing is the stupid guy still calls to try and talk me into liking him and trust me no feelings whatsoever cos he just showed me how FAKE he really is…

  • my experience December 2, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Let me share my story, maybe It’ll help someone.

    I lost my virginity to ‘pastor’ at 24 and I became pregnant. He figured out I was pregnant when I started being slow and unwell and gave me some drugs that were supposed to make me feel better. It was when I landed in hospital that I realized I was pregnant and had become toxic from the effects of the drugs I had taken.
    Long story short, I chose to have an abortion and of course, ‘pastor’ left me high and dry.

    I went through the darkest season of my life. I couldn’t pray. I couldn’t tell anyone. I almost became mental. I survived. But I was scarred.
    I still wanted to save myself for marrige, but I didn’t think I was worth much. I was afraid that no one would want me, and that if I didn’t tell who I married, he’d find out.

    You see, I believed, and still do, that if you get into a relationship through deception, you’ll find yourself with a deceiver, because God would make sure the upright person finds out about you.

    It was hard to trust anyone enough to commit, but I eventually found a ‘brother’ that I really loved and I believed loved me. After a few months, I told him my story. He said he was glad I was honest and we moved on, but then hes started putting sexual pressure on me. I said I wanted to wait, he said I had done it before, so what ‘virginity’ was I keeping??? I almost gave in, but I walked.

    God told me he had a man prepared for me. This man didn’t look like it. If I settled for less, it would be my loss…but would I ever find a godly man, who would love me as I was???? I prayed!!!

    He came. The love of my life. I couldn’t tell him at first. I was afraid!!!! When he proposed it was so beatiful, I burst into tears… If I didn’t tell him at that point, I never would have been able to, but I risked losing him.. I was afraid!!! I prayed!!

    I told him. He smiled and shared his story with me. I asked if he was willing to save sex for marriage. He said he knew it wouldn’t be easy, but that he felt I was worth it!!!! Ehn???!!! me? worth anything??? True love for me???

    We made love for the first time on our wedding night…it was amazing!! Four years and counting. We have children. He treats me like a queen. God has kept us.
    Someone told him my story before our wedding. He smiled and told the person he knew already, leaving the ‘gbeborun’ with his mouth hanging. What if I hadn’t told him? maybe he would’ve stayed with me, but maybe not.

    This is the test for what you MUST tell. Would this information affect his decision to marry me? If the answer is yes, Tell. If you don’t, it will come out eventually.

    There is a God that rules in the affairs of men and He really really wants us to be happy, because He gets the glory when we are. He sorted me out. He can sort you out
    xxx

    • Gbagaun! December 3, 2010 at 6:02 am

      awww, that’s so inspiring. sO excited for you

    • Temiloluwa Adebayo December 3, 2010 at 11:11 am

      Thanks so much for sharing.

    • lizzy December 3, 2010 at 11:21 am

      God bless you continually my sister for your honesty. I believe your story is going to go a long way in making people tow the right path. Give your life to christ and he will perfect that which concerns you. Then, even IF you fall, he can always help you rise again. HONESTY REMAINS THE BEST POLICY. A DECEITFUL person will always end up with his/her kind and get the short end of the stick……my humble opinion.

    • Ferrari December 3, 2010 at 11:21 am

      This is food for thought. No matter what we ladies think, what is yours is definitely yours. The good man that knows your value will come around and take you for keeps. Glory, your friend did not lose the guy, he just wasnt hers. “My Experience’s” story proves that nothing can stay secret for long, and if you dont spill your baggage, it’ll still come back to haunt you. So why dont you be a step ahead of your partner and open up? He’s undeserving of you if he doesnt stay.

    • Gbenga Awomodu December 3, 2010 at 1:56 pm

      Thanks again for sharing. I do agree with your ideas and just wanted to add from my take on this issue.
      In recent times, a particular question has been on my mind: “So, who will marry the ladies that are no more V’s?” [just learnt that one-letter abbreviation on this post :)]. Truth is: some ladies never really planned it that way. Someone just took advantage of their ‘naivety’ and (sometimes) stubbornness to live a life of adventure, to ‘enjoy’ life or to ‘find love’…. (not to talk of the predators who perpetrate evil under the guise of ‘pastor’)…
      After realizing her wrong and turning back to God in sincerity, such a lady should go on and live life abundantly. Your carriage and attitude towards life after the mistake(s) improve your chances of attracting the right person. You cannot continue in a pity party….
      When the time comes to share some truths from the past, I believe wisdom comes in handy. Honesty is still the best policy and I don’t encourage half-truths. If someone is truly meant for you and they are truly mature, they’d brace up and look beyond your faults (this may take some time for most men though). I believe there’s that ‘right’ person for you out there who’ll truly love you for who you are. But be careful what you share and how/when you do. There are some details that are not necessary and could even give a ‘well-meaning’ guy ‘perennial’ emotional trauma. Shikena!

    • jessy December 3, 2010 at 2:16 pm

      Inspirin story……….smthg 2 learn 4rm , God was really on ur side

    • Daniella December 3, 2010 at 4:36 pm

      Wow…………thats the best comment this post has seen. I’m touched and inspired by your story.

    • Amanaria December 5, 2010 at 2:56 am

      OMGGGGG! GOD DESERVES THE GLORYYYYY N THE HONOUR…..
      OUR GODDD OF FAITHFULNESS WITHOUT INJUSTICE, GOOOD AND UPRIGHT IS HEEEE.
      WHO IS THERE LIKE HIMMMMMMM

    • anon January 27, 2011 at 2:36 am

      Wow, wow, wow, God’s grace is sufficient. This is so inspiring.

  • my experience December 2, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize the post was so long. Dredging up all this moved me to tears.

    • Ready December 3, 2010 at 6:49 am

      Aww…no worries, sweetie. Some of us read it all, and personally I’m ecstatic for you and this gives me hope. Even though I don’t have too many skeletons in my closet, the idea of someone waiting, and finding true love in Nigeria is amazing. Congratulations, and all the best with your marriage and your family.

    • ochella December 3, 2010 at 9:14 am

      Wow urs is a very touching story, i thank God for you. SMH for some of our pastors oh. I certainly know alot of people have been blessed by your story. Like i said, it’s better for a man to hear your story from you and not all the AMEBOS.

      • honesty December 3, 2010 at 7:54 pm

        Never underestimate the possibility of an ‘Amebo’…I dated a really cool guy last year after a long spell of meeting klutzes and it was such a refreshing relief. Everything was coming going beautifully and I was at peace cos from the onset we talked long-term commitment. However the whole relationship crumbled cos an ‘Amebo’ chose to tell him things about my past that I had ‘wisely’ kept to myself out of fear of spoiling a good thing. The revelation hit me from my blind side cos I didnt even know the two of them as friends and even if I had, would never have expected it of the guy that tales to do so seeing as I knew him more as a friend of a friend. So ofcourse, most of what he had to divulge to my ex was ‘them say – them say’. Unfortunately I couldnt do anything to refute the tale-bearer’s claims because prior to that time my ex didn’t even know anything at all about that side of me, so it became a question of amebo’s word against mine! The shame I felt from being painted in an ugly way was worse than if I had simply told my ex about my past experiences myself and left him to take his decision. I would say Honesty, however unpleasant, is still d way to go with a guy that’s true.

    • Ib December 3, 2010 at 1:48 pm

      Please my dear dont worry abut the length.Its the content that matters….Hmmmm…this is food for thought.
      I need to draw closer to my heavenly father…I really need to.God give me grace

      • FeistyPen December 4, 2010 at 4:51 pm

        I’m excited about the conclusion you’ve reached Ib, to draw closer to your God….now that’s the key! :)

  • Pelola December 2, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    That guy is a major douche bag and really he was just looking for an excuse to leave your friend and he found the perfect one. I am sure he knows she wasnt a virgin and he sure has heck is not a virgin , so kini big deal? Freaking stupid double standard our patriachial society subscribes too. Guys want to sleep around but want their future wives to be saints.

    Anyone that cant handle my honesty can like to massage a cactus.Why should i resort to deceit or omission to keep a man? Is it a business contract ni? Your future hubby is suppose to be your bestfriend so why all the strategy and tactics of omitting the truth.I am a woman with needs. Yes, i had sex with my boyfriends (just like you had sex with your girlfriends) and it was fabulous with great orgasms at that! Get over yourself already!

  • Dami December 2, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    The thing that annoyed me most was the way you friend’s ex was praising his wife as being virtous wat was he implying indirectly that your friend is not virtous? why bcs at most she is no longer a virgin? Hmmmm the devil you kno is better than the angel you dont know. let us see how his virtous wife treats him in future! im sorry but some man are just too shallow! they just want it good, they dont want to work to get the good. some of these pple u call bad girls are potential wife material if they are invested in. plus can i say that those pple who can talk about their past(espically the bad past) are those who have managed to break free from the chains of the past and are ready to let God start a new thing in their life. Plus past history or not, who are we to call pple bad? afterall we are not their creator.
    my own advice: honesty is the best policy. the worst that can happen is that they guy would work away but thats what differenciates the boys from the men, your husband from a play boy. but i agree with temi, wisdom from God should be applied.

  • Dami December 2, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    thats a lie!

  • Q December 3, 2010 at 12:04 am

    well i feel like if its his business den yes he deserves to know, for instance if u dated someone in his family, or if u cant have kids….u know stuff dat can just drop on u n be real serious in d future,…but as for d random details…u must be a real story teller to even have the time to start unravelling who did what n where or how they did it…… that only helps him find the door even quicker……cheers!

  • Ify Ralph December 3, 2010 at 1:06 am

    Now readers give me a solution on this one,I had an extramarital affair a year after my wedding starting from NYSC camp.I visited him after we passed out from camp and conceived around same period,I was so much into him that I told him,dangerous infatuation.But the child looks every inch like my husband and behaves like him too.I honestly wish to believe the baby is my husband’s.Should I come clean?Help me out,I regret that aspect of my life every second.

    • BC December 3, 2010 at 6:21 am

      Pray about it first and then tell him at the right time. God will be your guide.

    • chinnydiva December 3, 2010 at 9:44 am

      my dear, unless you want ur marriage to end, u had better shut ur mouth n move on with life. No man, I repeat, NO MAN will find it easy to 4give u 4 cheating on him esp when u r married to him,except he is Hosea.
      U made a terrible mistake, ask God to forgive u and try to love ur husband even more. cease all communication with d corper and never even mention it to ur friends cos it might get back to hubby. That is my simple advice.

      • sensation December 3, 2010 at 6:03 pm

        if not now the truth will come out someday o! so you have to pray VERY WELL b4 talking.

    • Ngozi December 3, 2010 at 12:07 pm

      Are you for real? Why not get a DNA test first…if he’s ur husband’s omo!…seal ur lips. But if the child’s not ur husband’s put an exit strategy in place before u spill to ur husband, cos it won’t be fair for hiim to go thru life thinking another man’s son is his…And some advice, next time u want to play away match…use a condom and if ur sure the guy is safe…use postinor! Once bitten, twice shy!!

    • DUDU December 3, 2010 at 12:48 pm

      Ify Ralph, I’ll advise that you run a DNA test on your child before you think of the next steps. For all you know, the child may truly be your husband’s. This will not let you off the hook from the adultery you committed but it’s a step towards the right direction.

  • NNENNE December 3, 2010 at 1:47 am

    I think it is okay to tell your boyfriend that you had a boyfriend(s) before you met him.It is never ok to go in details. Any reasonable man will not want to know the details. What matters is your relationship with them, “from this day forward”. Mind you, men don’t tell.

    IFY RALPH, your question hard-o.I don’t think Nigerian men can handle that.Oyibos,may be.I stand to be corrected!

  • bZeal December 3, 2010 at 3:37 am

    The truth is always bitter and its not everyone that can stomach it.We need to use wisdom when it comes to issues like this.Even the church i go to,the Pastor used to say that his wife doesn’t need to know his past that they are all under the blood of Christ.
    @ Ify,have you ever heard of DNA test.So before you go confessing to your husband,u might also wanna try that out so that you don’t drive yourself crazy with worries.

  • sade December 3, 2010 at 3:45 am

    i read all these and i sigh, marriage is about truthfulness and diplomacy, i have been married for 9 yrs and i am going to continue to be for more donkey yrs to come. i learnt my lesson the hard way, being truthful about my past to 2 previous relationships, one i was in for 7yrs and who at last minute gave excuse to his family that i wouldn’t be manageable as a wife (he is in his second marraige now o), 2nd one said he has been hearing stories, sikena, go then. I met my husband, he said he had heard stories too, i gave him the versions that were digestible enuf for a guy, i loved him and was not going to lose him like the 2 previous and of course i knew my past days were over, we have had moments he wants to know any other thing, i have told him what he needs to know(rmba diplomacy that will not kill or mar). i HAVE 3 BEAUTIFUL KIDS AND ONE MORE ON THE WAY. Ladies pls and pls, be diplomatic in ur thinking and utterances, as long as ur heart is true and pure, u will make it in there. Truth, hnm, its good but wisdom is what i will say is the watch-word, say the TRUTH WITH WISDOM…..

  • Gbagaun! December 3, 2010 at 6:13 am

    Ok, so I’ll say this. Marriage is not the END!.
    People seem to be thinking that the goal is to marry, then all your problems are solved, but after marriage, there’s eternity. Now tell me, if in ur 5 years of dating, you were hiding sth, when you get married, don’t you think it would come out sometime and what do you think is going to happen then.
    I’m no prude nor am I self righteous. And I most prolly woulda lied but when you think about it, there’s no benefit. So, I’ll lie, all to get married. Then after the marriage nko? What guarantee is there that it will be filled with love and forgiveness?
    I’ve seen so many people trapped in the wrong marriage because they thought getting the ring on their fingers was the biggest challenge but they forget the donkey years that follow.

    Feel so bad for your friend, but in retrospect, would you want her with a guy like that? If they married now, and the truth slipped out. What do you think the guy will do, prolly cheat on her and treat her like trash.
    We should all look at this objectively oh
    Gbagaun!

  • Jack December 3, 2010 at 7:19 am

    After sleeping with these senators and governors, you say “let bygones be bygones”? You lot are selfish. Shebi na him go buy the ring, do all the necessary stuff he’s required to do? Meanwhile your resale value is close to ZERO! I pity the men. You women are wicked in your own ways. Strutting around with no substance. Ptchewwww…

    Side Bar: Any verbal attacks shall be returned 10 fold.

    • Ready December 3, 2010 at 11:32 am

      Haba guy! So is it the senators and governors that pose the problem? Are you saying men aren’t as guilty of what we say because they didn’t sleep with politicians? While I see that some comments here are horrendous, I truly disagree with your generalization and unbridled anger.
      If women were to consider dudes and the ish they do (considering everything..random babes they tried to get at, hooked up with, etc) in terms of value, it would be close to negative infinity….they’d probably never find someone to marry them. But that’s not the case in our society, is it?

      S.N. I replied politely so I don’t expect a barrage of insults, however if you do extra…water go pass garri :-)

      • Nwa Baby December 3, 2010 at 3:17 pm

        @ Ready thank you for your mature reply to Mr. Jack. He sounds so angry and bitter. E be like sey woman don deceive am finish before!*hugs* @ Jack! Ndo,pele!

  • IyawoBankyWNumer0Uno December 3, 2010 at 7:31 am

    5 years ke… best believe you wont wake up to the same way you left your car….. or house…. i believe in honesty and any man that truely loves you will accept you for you, past and shortcomings, she should count her blessings

    A friends husband recently found out that she had dated a friend of his a while ago and flipped out, was even threatening divorce… mind you this said friend just had a baby *smh* as much as i hate to see marriages fail, i said good riddance to bad rubbish, i certainly wouldnt see or love any man the same way if he pulled that stunt on me *sigh*

    • Ready December 3, 2010 at 11:39 am

      Lol…I love your name. A year ago I would have battled you, but after falling for Naeto C and his oh-so-cool swag, I decided I hate Banky’s hairline and constant vests and hats. At least until Naeto C gets married and Banky’s still single.
      And I completely concur with busting headlights outta windows, cars, houses. He must not know…got me effed up. Lemme stop gan sef.

      • suuweeet poohtaatoes December 3, 2010 at 1:41 pm

        LWKMD……thot i wuz d only one frowning @ Banky’s hairline and constant vests and hats..i had 2 transfer all d luv his boy wizkid…though i thnk he’s yong enuf 2b my ….. lol

  • IyawoBankyWNumer0Uno December 3, 2010 at 7:32 am

    PS… she didnt cheat this was waaaayyyyyyyyyy before they got married/courted

  • WaleAdeniji December 3, 2010 at 8:57 am

    The point is men are selfish. Yes, we are. We can afford to reel out our past gabbage to our ladies but can’t stand hearing their own silly past. If i amy ask; who is a saint here? You will all agree with me that even pastors and Imams can’t claim to be saint. They all have their can of worms. What i would advise ladies is to shut their mouths about their past when they’re in relationship. Don’t allow the man probe you into divulging all about your past. Tell him the one you think he would be able to live with and not the ones you think will bring a wedge into the relationship. Men can’t simply take the truth about your past. I don’t always make my woman to tell me about her past. It will amount to digging out what could send you off balance.

  • juls December 3, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Hmmm.. Jack Jack Jack.. why are u so hurt. did ur gf dump u for a senator? (is this why we are here.)
    Ladies shld ask God for wisdom. some men cannot handle the truth so tread with care.

  • ochella December 3, 2010 at 9:42 am

    TO IFY RALPH, First of all i pray on my knees for you that IFY RALPH cannot be linked to you real name.
    My first advice is that you get a DNA/PATERNITY test. without him knowing then if you find out it’s your husbands child(which i am praying for) you can tell him that you had an affair at one tyme in your marriage.
    I advice you to pray alot. DO NOT RUN TO ANY PASTOR(ESPECIALLY IN NIGERIA) confessing your story until you have prayed alot about it. At best seek counsel as anonymous on xtian websites etc.
    I pray God gives you the wisdom on how to handle your issues. Amen.

  • Jennifer Jesse December 3, 2010 at 9:42 am

    Well … let the guys comment. Am of the school of thought, that says “What you don’t know wont hurt you”.

  • Omogekofo December 3, 2010 at 10:22 am

    i learnt a lesson few days ago. becos of honesty, i almost ruinned my relationship that was alter bound. a wedding date has been fixed and i opened my large mouth to tell my fiancee somethin that ALMOST happened. He was pained and went solo 4 a while….if not Gods intervation…maybe i would be telling the church to hold it by now. and calling all the vendors to stop the prep……Being wise is the way 2 go in some issues……. i rest my case

    • honesty December 3, 2010 at 8:22 pm

      have u wondered what your fiance’s reaction would have been if he found out from some 3rd party? Me thinks twas ur honesty that made God intervene!

      • ochella December 6, 2010 at 9:37 am

        Honesty great point & i also saw ur reply on the other post. Omogekofo you may not know know but your husband to be knows that he can trust you not to keep a secret from him because you opened up. Haters/Amebos/gbegboruns etc have ruined SO MANY relationships. Their common trait is that they say the story in their own words(add salt& pepper) and you may never have chance to explain yourself.

    • DOCLE December 4, 2010 at 3:33 am

      Men are just like babies, u don’t want to hurt their feeling. Thank God u saved ur only relationship.

  • Pweery December 3, 2010 at 10:48 am

    this piece is hilarious..well, i rily tink a girl should study her boyfriend before taking him down the “my dirty linen” story. then u know what he can handle and what is unforgivable…plus there are some stories that would take him goin to check book of life in heaven before he finds out, so spare the relationship such details

  • caachi December 3, 2010 at 10:49 am

    whenever i try to be honest with the guy am dating it always leads to break up.so i have learnt not to tell all.

  • brendz December 3, 2010 at 11:11 am

    Well said on both side…to tell or not to tell…..let ur conscience be your guide…profile ur man and do the needful at the right time……i was honest about having a child out of wedlock and for some guys it was the excuse to run…but for my brand new husband…..it was a big reason to stay……so u decide!!!!!

  • ruby December 3, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Truth get level…so guys dont deserve it

  • penelopeia December 3, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    I will never tell all; how can I tell him I like girls and I have slept with one before. Never, he is a good guy I love him. I wont loose cos I just can’t shut up

    • Gorgeous December 3, 2010 at 7:33 pm

      na wa. I think you should tell him about the lesbian tendencies. You like girls, let him decide to be with you, with all the cards on the table. What if tomorrow you decide you want to leave him to be with a girl? The guy will hate you. Also, females are very petty. If they find out you are getting married, they will find a way to inform him of your inclination. Also, you shouldnt be looking to be with someone permanently until you are sure that you have left that lifestyle completely and do not intend on going back. If not, you are on a terrible path to serious hurt and future wahala.goodluck.

      • vee March 28, 2011 at 10:02 am

        Ok for me ,such secrets as lesbians,having a baby in the past and those you know will come up in the past should be told oh ,unless you want trouble later.But if it was all the fun type in high school forget it ,keep those to yourself,because it doesn’t make sense to tell how many times you had sex ,and what will he do with it but to lock it up,only to bring it up when you have quarrel.And mind you some of these things might not even be Ur fault like the Lady the pastor messed up at a tender age.

    • keke May 6, 2011 at 2:37 pm

      please do not tell him. u love him and he loves u that is all that matters. as long as u dont cheat on him, me think ur gud

  • candy December 3, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    honesty is the best policy o but in all sincerity nigerian men cannot handle the truth the way it is. why in the world will a man sleep with fifty girls before he marries and expects the woman he marries to be a virgin. in my opinion be honest to your man some men can take it you know the extent to which your man can swallow get there and pause then feed him in smaller bits if he cannot accept who you have been then there is a possibility that he does not know who you are now. At the same time do not expect to have slept with 200 men and marry a man who will still love you after hearing the details of your prostitution spree you only reap corn when you plant corn. Live the right life ladies help the future.

  • Ib December 3, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Besides why is he askin??!!!I dont go around asking how many people he has slept with??I only ask if he slept with so so and so person:)…if he didnt ..Chikena!end of discussion.
    Abeg men should leave me alone with their insecurities.sha experience is the best teacher….if u like tell,u are O.Y.O

  • kreamy December 3, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    @ penelopeia, wat if he finds out!!!. Mi I think d one dat truly loves u n deserves wld stay. Afterall everyone has a past

  • Gorgeous December 3, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    A mature guy will not be too interested in your past, except your past is a PAST. He will be secure and understand that everyone has made mistakes. If your man is shallow enough to be obsessed with virginity and all the other crap, you should leave him alone. You are human and bound to sin and have character flaws. This life is never promised, virgin’s turn out to be monster’s sometimes and vice versa.

  • ola wunmi December 3, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    wisdom is needed in this situation.what you dont know about cannot hurt you

  • DOCLE December 4, 2010 at 3:29 am

    To be honest there is something that need to unsaid, when it comes to past life, it alway comes back to hurt us women. Men are like babies you don’t want to hurt their feeling, just be a good girl and live ur past life out 0f it.

  • Amanaria December 5, 2010 at 2:48 am

    Milzpolzy, i so love you. My hubby cried too, i had told him i was a V but he didnt believe me, he was waiting till our weddding nite, he just thought i didnt want to have sex. i am glad i waited, sex is great n should be shared with someone great enoughh to take you down the aisle. But even if you have lost yours you should not be condemned. I kept my virginity but really it was God who helped me keep it. Alot of bad things could have happened, rape, drugs, drunkeness, bad friends, falling inlove with the wrong guy or NOT KNOWING GOD… who is any man to judge, is God loves you to blazes to anyone who doesnt

  • yinka December 6, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Haba!!!Its not rocket science now.
    I dont understand why you have to over spill your guts….to prove what?to serve what purpose?dont make no sense whatsoever.
    I’m happily married(6 yrs and counting) and I did not feel the need to divulge past sexual positions/escapades including time and place with my partner.WTF?i mean who does that.
    Apparently,he discovered i wasnt a V(learnt that here too) but it wasnt an earth shattering disclosure,i mean we had sex in this century.*rolling eyes*.He has never come out to ask me point blank how many partners i’ve had in the past(any man that asks a woman that is up to no good.what does he want with that piece of info)As long as the woman/man fulfills your present heart desires or criterion if you like,whats the point of exhuming dead corpse.I believe if one has led a respectable and to an extent responsible sexual past,then there shouldn’t be a problem.We are not talking raunchy sex tapes leaking out or a past involving making money from the oldest profession, are we?
    So ladies,diplomacy o is the best policy not honesty in this instance.

  • loula December 8, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    hmm.
    men can b funny u knw…..however,honesty is still d bst to b.let him knw u in n out,(dats if u realy love him)so he can love u 4 who u r,if u lie 2 him nw,remembr notin is hidden under d sun,so if he gets to knw d truth afterwards,its nt gonna b nyc atall….honesty is jst d key.its d best

  • Adeola December 8, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    I am keeping my lips sealed thank you very much! I wont even tell him a thing. Its my past and if he wants my future, he has to forget my past! C’est Fini!

  • etdon December 8, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    Some stories are not neccessary. What is in the past belongs to the past if you bring it to the future it might prick.

  • everybody with him own December 9, 2010 at 12:00 am

    so i told my fiance about all my sins and left out nothing cos he was talking about his past and i felt it necessary to be truthful since i knew we were altar bound. he just today accused me of cheating cos he had a hunch that i was and was threatening to marry me without trust i couldnt have admitted to a crime i didnt commit so i asked my mum to beg my fiance the shocker i got was him telling my mother all the dirty things i have done all the details i gave him, he spilled it before my mum and its not like my sins were dirty compared to the sins he had committed. i dont know if we are still getting married cos the whole relationship is tied to a small thread. i am praying for Gods direction and hoping that i can recover cos there is an 80% chance that we wont tie the knot. my honesty has killed me.

    • ochella December 10, 2010 at 4:49 pm

      I dont even know how i got back to this topic, guess i still find it intresting and so i’m intrested in what people’s opinions are on honesty.
      This must be hard for you, especially the fact that he spilled your story to your mum. My advice is PRAY, PRAY AND PRAY.
      Your honesty hasn’t killed you. Imagine him having this feeling when & then finding out about your past in between. That would have been worse. Please keep praying & TRUST God to come to your rescue & work on your relationship. xoxo

  • Oge December 10, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Rflol@SAYwot…’Double Gbam’.Nice coments so far from all.

  • @Temmy_laide December 13, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Lol, this is quite funny, i think telling the truth is good, but then when you dont tell the WHOLE truth, it should be for a good reason. I call it being ‘reserved’

  • @Temmy_laide December 13, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    everybody with him own
    so i told my fiance about all my sins and left out nothing cos he was talking about his past and i felt it necessary to be truthful since i knew we were altar bound. he just today accused me of cheating cos he had a hunch that i was and was threatening to marry me without trust i couldnt have admitted to a crime i didnt commit so i asked my mum to beg my fiance the shocker i got was him telling my mother all the dirty things i have done all the details i gave him, he spilled it before my mum and its not like my sins were dirty compared to the sins he had committed. i dont know if we are still getting married cos the whole relationship is tied to a small thread. i am praying for Gods direction and hoping that i can recover cos there is an 80% chance that we wont tie the knot. my honesty has killed me.

    oooo, wrong way to go, its typical he would have told your mum, cuz he wants ppl on his side, to think yu are a cheater. nest thing to do is to keep some things secret in my opinion. not everything needs to be said.

  • dee December 16, 2010 at 2:35 am

    on the real though, your friend’s x really took the piss! I mean.. what?! 5 years? That is just wickedness.. but like you said.. karma.. but seriously though.. comparing someone to to bible.. proverbs 31.. and yet you cannot forgive and forget what she did 5 years ago..

    na wah.. i am an advocate for erm.. be honest.. and on a serious note, I would rather i say the truth and he decides he didnt want me and then I can go ahead and find someone who wants me with my baggage.. then for him to say he wants me and then change his mind…if that makes sense.. it wuld be a long search and i would probably shed a few tears but hopefully worth it in the long run.

  • ibukungeorge December 18, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Gosh honesty issue….Naturally am so honestmy friend call me gullible.Thank God i dont really v much past but i tell u it cld be used against u.Really u dont v to tell ur Man everything.Bible said be wise as d serpent and be cool as d dove.D same bible also state that we shld keep d bridle of d tongue.Yes u cld tell ur guy abt ur child out of wedlock but not tel him hw many guys uve slept wt.pls keep d details to urself.Regarding V,of cos some guys wld run away but wats urs wld be urs.Am a V and wlod probably be 1 till my wedding9th but its tough tho.

  • Jatropha December 19, 2010 at 6:48 am

    I insist basics should be told to avoid future pains.However,the essence of engaging in pre-marital relationship is to first garner experience and second to investigate compatibility rate. I wish to note that ladies especially should be more careful in dealing with guys.

    The contemporary understanding and interpretations has favored baggage carrying ladies over others where no major damage is recorded. Research and recent exposures has shown that a lady can be eternally damaged in one relationship(eg a lady having several abortions in one relationship and losing her fecundity in the process) whereas a lady with over 10 baggage’s could still be sound and good to go.The ladies belonging to the later category would be chosen by any man(including me) for any future engagement.

    I opine therefore that emphasis should not be on whether to conceal your deals but to make sure what you report is damage and scandal free.Most Men already knows you do have such histories even without you saying but wants ladies who are still intact baggage’s notwithstanding.

  • Benny December 21, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    One thing is clear here….When u go through all these comments ….All the girls that said ….Their hubby should not know anything about their past,,,,have done one or two terrible things that worries them. This is simple Psychology….If your life is not a little complex then u had nothing to worry about ..LOL

  • onyinye February 9, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Well…i told him stuff and he told me his own….we both know that we ain`t perfect….when i told him i thought he would want to leave…but instead he says ” i` had better marry you soon b4 those guys come back, cos if u were this nice to them as well, they may want to come back for you” I wanted to cry…..isn`t that sweet? we are planning our marriage now……if he leaves you cos you were honest to him, then i say u`re better off without him

  • tmtmtmte July 7, 2011 at 10:24 am

    My take is this ,tell if u wanna cos no 2 situatns r d same but we all need to know 2 things:1-God forgives our past completely. 2-whateva u sow ull reap,what comes around goes around.

  • Yinka January 23, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    I have discovered some people want you to say the truth but they cant handle the truth. I have told a man i thought loved me the truth about my paternity issue and he ended up using it against me. No matter what sha o o, i believe honesty is the best route but there is a time for everything even the time to say the truth!

  • Esther January 29, 2013 at 5:44 pm

    Although it is easier said than done, but Honesty is the best policy. if the guy couldn’t face the fact that we are all human and no one is perfect, he might consider himself a clean sheet. When you tell a reasonable man or woman the truth, they should love you for it. Any relationship built on a lie…will head downwards (because either party can cheat and still act or claim to be 101% commuted) And for a fact, when you tell the truth, it increases your self esteem and fact is a lie always needs another lie to support it, so it will be unending.. I say all these, because I use to lie a lot before, but now I don’t see the use. if you can’t accept my wrongs, then sorry there is really nothing i can do about it…Thank you Glory

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