Ariyike Writes: The Fever Associated With RelationshipsPosted on Friday, July 27th, 2012 at 4:26 PM
By Ariyike Akinbobola
I haven’t written in years, so please forgive me if I make a few mistakes here and there. The most important thing is for me to reach out to someone and I hope that person is you. Recently, I watched the movie “Act Like a Lady, think Like a Man” and it inspires this article.
This one is mainly for the Ladies…
Any woman who thinks she can control a man by incorporating what she learnt from a book into her relationship might just be making a huge mistake. In a relationship, I believe the man is the head and the woman functions effectively as the neck. Now, while the head contains 80% of our senses, the neck controls the head. If the neck decides not to move, the function of the head would be limited. Ladies, learn how to be his neck.
Most of you would wonder how you can become the “neck”of your man. It’s as easy as ABC – Men love to be pampered. We gave birth to them…ergo, they are our ‘babies’ and they must be treated as such.
It’s absolutely necessary to make your man realise that you and him are a tag team. Don’t let him feel as if you’re against him. After all, it’s you and him against the world. You therefore need to work as a team to keep things rock solid.
One of the lessons I’ve learnt in marriage is that even when your belly is full and you feel you’ve had “enough” to eat, you still have to chew something called the “Humble Pie.” Learn to say “I’m sorry” and “Thank you”. Its amazing how these small words can help us avoid the big fights. The little things, like courtesy, that we take for granted are actually very important to the other party.
People also need to realise that what works for “Miss A” may not necessarily work for “Miss B”. You need to adopt your own strategy in dealing with issues in your relationship, and these strategies would most likely change as the men come and go because no two men are the same.
There’s no hard and fast rule as to how long a man would stay with you based on strict conformity to certain guidelines or instructions from a Rule book. Why would you even allow a book dictate your next line of action in your relationship?
Whether you decide to release the “cookie” from the Cookie Jar on the first day or after a year, if he’s gonna leave you, he’ll still leave…
I know someone who’s married to a man she made out with on their first night out together – they’ve been married for 15years. I also know someone who kept the ‘cookie’ in the Cookie Jar for a year before she finally allowed him in, and guess what? The guy dumped her a month after she let him in. **I’m not telling you to copy anybody o**
Some relationship rule books would say “If he loves you, he should be the one that would always make the first call”. How can your man be the only one making the first call everyday? Does that even make any sense? If you follow them, your relationship will hit the rocks!
Ideally, I believe one of the secrets to a long lasting relationship is effective communication between both parties. You need to communicate constantly! If you have something to say to him, please say it and stop bottling it all inside. If you want to talk to him, you don’t have to wait for him to call, you can pick up your phone and call him.
Getting into a new relationship is like starting a new business – you’re not sure if it’s going to work out, so you can only hope for the best. It’s a risk you should be willing to take because it may (or may not) work out. If it doesn’t work out, then both parties can go their separate ways (hopefully, with no hard feelings). It’s very important to remember that both of you are from two different homes and if you want to make it work, you have to be ready to fully “accommodate” his character.
I had a conversation with a few friends about who should say “I love you” first. Most of them said they would never ever say it to a man first while a few said there was no big deal as to who said it first. That’s left for you to decide, it should be a personal thing! I hear there are some married couples that have never even said “I love you” to each other…. that’s really serious but it’s gist for another day.
When I was in school, I had this room mate called Bisi* who was dating one really quiet Chibuzor* guy that she was really crazy about. Bisi had no secret(s), she would sit us down in the room and tell us everything that was going on in her relationship. She always said she felt better every time she poured out her heart to People, and she really didn’t care who she was telling what. Some of our other room mates would go about gossiping about her and spreading her gist but I was wise enough to learn a thing or two from her.
One night after a long lingering kiss, Bisi looked Chibuzor straight in the eyes and said “I’m crazy about you and I love you very much”. She said she caught him off guards and he almost choked. He replied her by saying “I love you too”. After that day, he opened up to her in a whole new way and he would always tell her how much he loved her. He started expressing himself to her more than before and that even made them closer. Please, note that the fact that it worked for her doesn’t necessarily mean it would work for you o!
Someone once told me that one of her greatest regrets in life was the fact that she never replied her late fiancee every time he told her he loved her. She said she felt she would look ‘cheap’ if she said it back to him. Sadly, he died in her arms after a terrible asthma attack. As she watched him battle asthma, she kept screaming “I love you baby” until he took his last breath on earth. I believe he would have appreciated the words more if only she had told him while he was alive.
If you have a man, make sure you show him all the love you’ve got inside of you. Don’t hold back on anything. Make sure you give him all the support you can, talk to him nicely, tell him how you feel about him and how he makes you feel. If you miss him, let him know. Also, send him sweet messages. Don’t be known as the chic that sends texts or BBMs only when she needs something. Life is too short for you to hold so much inside, you need to let it out. One life to live baby, why live it hating on him all the time when you know you actually love him…
And if you’re about to get into a new relationship or you’re on the verge of mending an old one or even if you’re man-less at the moment…please remember one simple thing – there are no hard and fast rules. In fact, break all the so-called rules if you want, enjoy your life, just be happy.
Go out for a drink and chat with the girls sometimes; be approachable; smile; make friends; be positive; stop the constant shouting; maintain a cool voice; be well behaved; don’t be lousy; be confident and most importantly, be yourself and pray to God for your Prince Charming. Before you know it, you’ll be swimming in his pool of love.
Merely thinking about how to make a relationship work can make one feel feverish. It’s simply left for us to play it how we want to. So are you really going let the ‘fever’ hold you down and mess up your relationship? Or are you going to rise above the ‘fever’ and work on how to make your relationship successful? I would choose the latter.
Then again, the choice is yours….
Photo credit: dominicacentral.com
Ariyike Akinbobola is a TV Presenter/ Producer with Spice TV, a Fashion and Lifestyle Channel. (Content provider for ONTV, AIT and NTA). She studied Law at the University of Lagos, graduated from the Nigerian Law School and was called to the Bar in 2007. She also holds a Diploma in TV Presenting from the London Academy of Media, Film and Television.
She aspires to have her own Talk show that would reach out to People from all walks of Life especially Women. Ariyike supports numerous Charitable Organizations and is also a Member of the Lagoon Leo Club (The Younger Members of the Lekki Lions Club). She’s Married and Blessed with Children. Follow her on twitter @LadyAriyike to find out more.