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Ariyike Writes: The Fever Associated With Relationships

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I haven’t written in years, so please forgive me if I make a few mistakes here and there. The most important thing is for me to reach out to someone and I hope that person is you. Recently, I watched the movie “Act Like a Lady, think Like a Man” and it inspires this article.

This one is mainly for the Ladies…

Any woman who thinks she can control a man by incorporating what she learnt from a book into her relationship might just be making a huge mistake. In a relationship, I believe the man is the head and the woman functions effectively as the neck. Now, while the head contains 80% of our senses, the neck controls the head. If the neck decides not to move, the function of the head would be limited. Ladies, learn how to be his neck.

Most of you would wonder how you can become the “neck”of your man. It’s as easy as ABC – Men love to be pampered. We gave birth to them…ergo, they are our ‘babies’ and they must be treated as such.

It’s absolutely necessary to make your man realise that you and him are a tag team. Don’t let him feel as if you’re against him. After all, it’s you and him against the world. You therefore need to work as a team to keep things rock solid.

One of the lessons I’ve learnt in marriage is that even when your belly is full and you feel you’ve had “enough” to eat, you still have to chew something called the “Humble Pie.” Learn to say “I’m sorry” and “Thank you”. Its amazing how these small words can help us avoid the big fights. The little things, like courtesy, that we take for granted are actually very important to the other party.

People also need to realise that what works for “Miss A” may not necessarily work for “Miss B”. You need to adopt your own strategy in dealing with issues in your relationship, and these strategies would most likely change as the men come and go because no two men are the same.

There’s no hard and fast rule as to how long a man would stay with you based on strict conformity to certain guidelines or instructions from a Rule book. Why would you even allow a book dictate your next line of action in your relationship?

Whether you decide to release the “cookie” from the Cookie Jar on the first day or after a year, if he’s gonna leave you, he’ll still leave…

I know someone who’s married to a man she made out with on their first night out together – they’ve been married for 15years. I also know someone who kept the ‘cookie’ in the Cookie Jar for a year before she finally allowed him in, and guess what? The guy dumped her a month after she let him in. **I’m not telling you to copy anybody o**

Some relationship rule books would say “If he loves you, he should be the one that would always make the first call”. How can your man be the only one making the first call everyday? Does that even make any sense? If you follow them, your relationship will hit the rocks!

Ideally, I believe one of the secrets to a long lasting relationship is effective communication between both parties. You need to communicate constantly! If you have something to say to him, please say it and stop bottling it all inside. If you want to talk to him, you don’t have to wait for him to call, you can pick up your phone and call him.

Getting into a new relationship is like starting a new business – you’re not sure if it’s going to work out, so you can only hope for the best. It’s a risk you should be willing to take because it may (or may not) work out. If it doesn’t work out, then both parties can go their separate ways (hopefully, with no hard feelings). It’s very important to remember that both of you are from two different homes and if you want to make it work, you have to be ready to fully “accommodate” his character.

I had a conversation with a few friends about who should say “I love you” first. Most of them said they would never ever say it to a man first while a few said there was no big deal as to who said it first. That’s left for you to decide, it should be a personal thing! I hear there are some married couples that have never even said “I love you” to each other…. that’s really serious but it’s gist for another day.

When I was in school, I had this room mate called Bisi* who was dating one really quiet Chibuzor* guy that she was really crazy about. Bisi had no secret(s), she would sit us down in the room and tell us everything that was going on in her relationship. She always said she felt better every time she poured out her heart to People, and she really didn’t care who she was telling what. Some of our other room mates would go about gossiping about her and spreading her gist but I was wise enough to learn a thing or two from her.

One night after a long lingering kiss, Bisi looked Chibuzor straight in the eyes and said “I’m crazy about you and I love you very much”. She said she caught him off guards and he almost choked. He replied her by saying “I love you too”. After that day, he opened up to her in a whole new way and he would always tell her how much he loved her. He started expressing himself to her more than before and that even made them closer. Please, note that the fact that it worked for her doesn’t necessarily mean it would work for you o!

Someone once told me that one of her greatest regrets in life was the fact that she never replied her late fiancee every time he told her he loved her. She said she felt she would look ‘cheap’ if she said it back to him. Sadly, he died in her arms after a terrible asthma attack. As she watched him battle asthma, she kept screaming “I love you baby” until he took his last breath on earth. I believe he would have appreciated the words more if only she had told him while he was alive.

If you have a man, make sure you show him all the love you’ve got inside of you. Don’t hold back on anything. Make sure you give him all the support you can, talk to him nicely, tell him how you feel about him and how he makes you feel. If you miss him, let him know. Also, send him sweet messages. Don’t be known as the chic that sends texts or BBMs only when she needs something. Life is too short for you to hold so much inside, you need to let it out. One life to live baby, why live it hating on him all the time when you know you actually love him…

And if you’re about to get into a new relationship or you’re on the verge of mending an old one or even if you’re man-less at the moment…please remember one simple thing – there are no hard and fast rules. In fact, break all the so-called  rules if you want, enjoy your life, just be happy.

Go out for a drink and chat with the girls sometimes; be approachable; smile; make friends; be positive; stop the constant shouting; maintain a cool voice; be well behaved; don’t be lousy; be confident and most importantly, be yourself and pray to God for your Prince Charming. Before you know it, you’ll be swimming in his pool of love.

Merely thinking about how to make a relationship work can make one feel feverish. It’s simply left for us to play it how we want to. So are you really going let the ‘fever’ hold you down and mess up your relationship? Or are you going to rise above the ‘fever’ and work on how to make your relationship successful? I would choose the latter.

Then again, the choice is yours….

Photo creditdominicacentral.com
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Ariyike Akinbobola is a TV Presenter/ Producer with Spice TV, a Fashion and Lifestyle Channel. (Content provider for ONTV, AIT and NTA). She studied Law at the University of Lagos, graduated from the Nigerian Law School and was called to the Bar in 2007. She also holds a Diploma in TV Presenting from the London Academy of Media, Film and Television.
She aspires to have her own Talk show that would reach out to People from all walks of Life especially Women. Ariyike supports numerous Charitable Organizations and is also a Member of the Lagoon Leo Club (The Younger Members of the Lekki Lions Club). She’s Married and Blessed with Children. Follow her on twitter @LadyAriyike to find out more.

Ariyike Akinbobola is a lawyer turned media personality. She is an associate producer/TV presenter for Spice TV's talk show "On the Couch" and Spice Toys. You can also watch her on her Youtube channel Ariyike Weekly. She is married with children. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @LadyAriyike. She blogs at www.reflectionswithariyike.blogspot.com

109 Comments

  1. efe

    July 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Nice and revealing!!!!!!

  2. moi

    July 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Love love love the article! I have often told people too that in this relationship game, there are no rules. What works for mr. a might not work for mr. b.
    The only thing i’d say is, its okay to send txts and bbms and say stuff to a guy, but please if he’s not saying it back to you….hes just not into u…move on!!!! Inasmuch as there are no rules, if a guy isnt into u, hes not and u will see the signs..we ladies just tend to ignore!!!!

  3. Berry

    July 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    yayyyyyy!!!!!!! first…nice piece..

  4. Miss Shayee

    July 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Totally love your piece! i couldn’t agree more…..find out what works for you and your man!

  5. gigi

    July 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    i apreciate very much what u said…it’s right and fresh so thank u so much..i just wanted to heard such a positive and good thing.God bless u

  6. sassycassie

    July 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    can we get articles on how to love a woman and make her feel special? thanks

  7. Amy

    July 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    wat in d case of, i do all the things u mention above like calling him wen ever i misses him, telling him hw much u love him, sms him,showing him hw i cared about him to extent of sending him credit card and he never calls u with it or sms u, the least he could do if he wants to talk with u is to send u MTN call me back or flash u, pls wat should one do in dis case? thanks.

    • Toyin

      July 27, 2012 at 5:13 pm

      Amy he is just not that into you…………sorry boo

    • Chattyzee

      July 27, 2012 at 5:32 pm

      Amy, I’m a firm believer than a woman should never have to ask a man out. However, she can “position” herself in such a way that the man will notice her. Now, you’ve clearly done your own share of positioning. STOP! You’ve done more than enough. If a man wants you, he’ll come after you. Period. Men love the chase, they live for it. But if you’ve done all the chasing for him, then there’s no excitement left. Amy, leave the guy alone. You’ll miss him, no doubt, you might even cry. But move on. There’s nothing worse than getting hung up on someone who has ZERO interest in you.
      http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

  8. pretty

    July 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    thank you so much,this is the kind of inspiration i so need right now in my life #no more rules#

  9. Ama

    July 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    I so agree with this article…please when you are in love, let your guy feel it.

    • may

      July 27, 2012 at 5:17 pm

      In my opinion, its rily simple, its just 6 words (according to BN)…..’He’s just not that into u’! on wot to do, its simle and u gotta make d decision to make.

  10. Nomy

    July 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    I used to be the warm loving one, the hugger, the kisser, the honest one, with all my cards on the table, buying gifts and expressing myself. Till i got burnt! My guy practically mopped the floor with me! What did i do wrong? 🙁

    • Chattyzee

      July 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm

      1) Don’t second guess yourself, and don’t put all the blame on yourself.
      2) While I would not say that you are perfect (I don’t even know you), I would say there’s nothing wrong with you. Maybe you just made some bad choices or decisions (who doesn’t?)
      3) As to your guy, you most likely did something to warrant whatever he did to you. However, a man that would go as far as “mopping the floor” (disgrace, embarrass, assault or whatever negative thing you meant) with a woman, is definitely not the kind of man you want to be with.
      4) Finally, don’t start thinking less of yourself, because when you do, you will love yourself less, your level of self-confidence will drop and you will settle for crap. I mean, who wants to love someone who does not love themselves?
      DISCLAIMER: I’m not an expert on relationship; but what I have, I give unto you.
      http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

  11. florence

    July 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Tanx Ariyike for this writeup, it’s indeed an eye opener. God bless u.

  12. smiles

    July 27, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Really nyc post riyike! hmmm, rise above the fever i will!
    Please my own prince charmn sholud come quick, im tayaaaaad of waiting!

  13. Toyin

    July 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    As a married woman myself, I don’t think this article left readers which much clarity It was almost as thought you were afraid or withdrew from speaking what you truly felt.

    I felt as though you were too concerned about ppl who may not have agreed with your views so you choice to stay “lukewarm”

    On the other hand well done. It’s not like I have good writing skills …so heyyyyyy

  14. Omogbolade

    July 27, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    i do appreciate your school of thought on the subject matter but i still believe we are who we are by the knowledge acquired down our past years. there are still some meaningful books one really need to read or allow me to say study on the subject matter. we were shaped by a lot of things especially by;
    1. modelling (i.e. what we have seen happening at home,schools etc)
    2. verbal (words spoken to us either by our parents, folks, acquaintances, friends) to mention but few.
    coincidentally we need knowledge to fight ignorance but it is now left for us all to discern and to know what book to digest and swallow and what knowledge we need not to toil with. all in all i really appreciate your lecture “REALITY 101” by lecturer LadyAriyike.

  15. Chattyzee

    July 27, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    hmmmm this article has inspired the next article on my blog. Relationship is a deep topic. What worked for Jennifer might not work for Juliana. Thanks BN. http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

  16. Petra

    July 27, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    great article. Can I just draw your attention to the typo in the heading. thanks

  17. Berry

    July 27, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    @ Moi.. well said very true…[email protected]….awwww, sad…u probably ignored the signs according to moi…but neva mind u will find ur man someday ok. #wink#

  18. Biodun

    July 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Too much ‘caveat emptor’ but great article regardless. This article should be forwarded to all Nigerian women so that they can change from their cray cray ways…

    • Tolu

      July 27, 2012 at 9:51 pm

      Srory dear, its caveat lector – let the reader beware. Caveat emptor – let the buyer beware, and ariyike isn’t selling anything here. Caveat vendor – let the seller beware. A little latin lingua lesson. Don’t mind me, its law school talking. lol

  19. Anya

    July 27, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    my boyfriend of three years, suddenly decided that he needed to take things “slow” , did not know me very well after we had talked rings and he met my mother, he then decided to be friends with me 2 days after his birthday this month ( his own way of breaking up without breaking up). He kept calling, being really casual and friendly. At first I assumed that I was the reason why we broke up, and almost gave my self a heart attack, then I found out that there was a girl he was going after in Minneapolis, and when it did not work out, he started calling me again. I realised that all along, he had been using me as his back up plan,and it hurts more now compared to when I thought he was just getting cold feet. I did everything I could, I don’t know what went wrong, I have no idea on what to do with myself now.

    • Naa Shasha

      July 27, 2012 at 6:11 pm

      Ms Anya you want to be a man’s priority not one of his many options. However, for all you know he has realized how stupid his actions were and might want you back. I suggest you let him know that you are aware of what he’s been doing because like someone said earlier, communication is the key. And i will also recommend that you move on with your life and just be cordial with him. It hurts but you gotta let it go sweetie.

      Focus on your relationship with God and pray daily on the qualities you want your husband to possess. Work hard, make some money, date and see what happens.

      Good luck

    • Chattyzee

      July 27, 2012 at 7:08 pm

      Ms. Naa Shasha, I could not have said it any better.
      http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

    • Anya

      July 27, 2012 at 8:12 pm

      thank you.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      July 30, 2012 at 9:22 am

      He did u favour love… learn from the situation and drop the baggage….

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  20. Janded

    July 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    The true test of a relationship is when they are married and have young children with no house help. That is when you know how far. Dating and all is still honeymoon. Let someone please write an article on how to manage life after the honeymoon phase.
    The article is great though for the newly dating people.

    • ashani

      July 27, 2012 at 7:23 pm

      GBA! Abeg chop knuckle!!

    • Toni

      July 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm

      Thank youuuuuuuuu!!!!

    • Toni

      July 27, 2012 at 8:35 pm

      Thank you o!

    • Iphie

      August 1, 2012 at 12:25 pm

      Yes, we need that article ASAP. It should read ‘ Wake Up, the honeymoon is over!’ lol

  21. Africandecor(click)

    July 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    i am pleased i read this, true there’s never a right or wrong answer as long as its not just one person in the relationship.

    http://homafrica.wordpress.com/

  22. speak it

    July 27, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Nice one. I was one of those people who thought the guy always had to make the first move nd show all d love, bt as time went on in my relationship i noticed he was falling back. I wondered what had happened, so many questions ran through my mind ( does this guy not love me as much as he claimed nd all). But with time i noticed i was d one pushing him away unconsciously. Fast forward… started showing more love and… things really changed. #Lessonlearned: Pure love NEVER returns void (in most cases)

  23. funmi

    July 27, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Am not in a reletionship right now, but i would like to drop my own 2 cents/kobo. Have seen the movie and the book and i don’t think the writer Mr Steve, is trying to give rules or a how to play the game kinda stuff. I agree with you write up, bt i believe it is meant for people to read, watch movies, listen to other people’s stories and learn a thing or 2. it is left for you to study your partner and know what suit him/her and also the nature of your relationship.
    @ amy, i think you shud realise that love is a 2way thing, it appears your guy is more of a taker than a giver. I believe the bible also says that love is giving, so he is either not so into you and sees you as a desperado that loves him and would do just anything for him, or he is just plain selfish ( both not good). I know when someone love you, they want to show it (sometimes in wierd ways) but the proof of love i believe is in giving and it is 2way, that is why God wants us is children to love him back as he loves us. May God guide us all into great relationships and also grant us grace and wisdom to keep such.

  24. Madam the Madam

    July 27, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Wonderful read.You really hit all the nails on the head.

  25. Dumexfranklin

    July 27, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Nice advise n brain charming…much luv

  26. sandra

    July 27, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    i met my boo wen he just got out of a relationship, he was not ready but i stayed i told him i loved him for 4 months b4 he told me back. but in that 4 months he was always with me, he cared, he was everything, the only tin was that he never said i love u. 4 months after he said i love u, now eh his love for me is much much more than mine sef. i don’t regret anytin. it may not work for u o especially if he isn’t into u.

  27. 'Alex'andyraH

    July 27, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    well said Bola…I am sooo correcting all ma mistakes…U inspire mi!

  28. olayinka

    July 27, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    hehheheh you are great..

    http://www.gistyinka.com

  29. Hesey

    July 27, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Great writeup!

  30. speaking of Which

    July 27, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Great piece Ariyike….. love it

  31. Emem

    July 27, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Very nice…. no rules.. no books! simply pray to God for wisdom on how to live love and grow with your spouse:)

  32. Chidinma Eke

    July 27, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Great article, my thots exactly after reading the book ‘think like a man’, I always advice my friends that no relationship help book can solve all relationship problems, the solution to me lies in communication, & Gods help. Very good article.

  33. julie

    July 27, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    @funmi,i want to correct an impression:luv is al about givin:dats not realy tru,for a guy to give u tins or always buy u gifts doesnt necesrly means he luvs u,it mite just means he has more than enuf to spend,so d ryt word is’sacrifice’luv is al abt makin sacrifices.

  34. Ariyike Akinbobola

    July 27, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    Thank you Bellanaija and thanks for all the positive comments. Bless!

  35. Miss E

    July 27, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Wrong yet again. You dont need “tricks” to make a/your relationship work! All both of y’all need (and I might sound like a dinosaur) is GOD! If he fears GOD he’ll treat you right. And if you fear GOD too you’ll treat him right. Stop depending on articles and wrong advise from ppl like you…Make your marriage more of a spiritual journey instead of a physical co-existence and things will naturally fall into place. I have the best husband in the world and we are extemely happy not because I have labelled myself the “neck” of our household but because we both answer to GOD who is the head of our home.

    • Adannaya

      July 28, 2012 at 9:53 pm

      Thank you!

  36. Queen

    July 27, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    This is a job well done, keep it up

  37. @ajiriavae

    July 27, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    Interesting subject. Oro nla. From my experience, I’ve learnt the importance of opening your eyes in the begining. Control yourself a bit to see, from his actions, if he is a mature and reliable man. Does he call when he says he will? If he doesn’t, does he call to apologise asap? If you call and he doesn’t pick up, does he call you back with an apology and a reason within a reasonable time (a reasonable time will depend on what it is that he says that he was doing that made him unable to pick up). They indicate that he cares enough to show common curtesies.
    If you were stranded in the middle of nowhere, can you confidently call him? Would he show up? Would he show up complaining? Or gladly? A man who has a soft spot for a woman is always protective.
    Is he generous? When you ask, knowing he has, does he share? If he doesn’t have does he still contribute whatever he can from the little he has or does expect you to understand that he doesn’t have much and so doesn’t give at all? A man that has a soft spot for a woman naturally wants to provide for her.
    Do his words and actions aligne? Does he keep his promises to you? Does he treat you like you are special all the time or only when he wants something? A man who has a soft spot for a woman will do everything he can to not dissapoint her.
    Do you find yourself always making excuses for his behaviour towards you? There are always signs that a man is not committed or that he is not emotionally avaiable. That is why we must be cautious in the begining.
    It is after we are convinced FROM HIS ACTIONS that we are dealing with a man who has honourable intentions (not neccesarily that he wants to marry but that he is at least genuinely open to the idea) that I believe that we should feel free to open ourselves up to him and begin to nuture him.
    http://ajiristyle.blogspot.com/

    • Amie

      August 22, 2012 at 6:12 pm

      So right!!

  38. Rose

    July 27, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    I’m impressed by the piece … I’ll definitely keep this in mind. Thank you

  39. Wale

    July 28, 2012 at 12:28 am

    Another article for women on how to catch and hold on to men. When will women stop focusing on these rules or non-rules and just live life? What about articles on how men should treat their like princesses and how to catch and hold on to a woman? Na wa o for you women o!

    • A. Taiwo

      July 28, 2012 at 7:42 am

      Please write it. We’re looking forward to reading from you. When you do, please send an email to [email protected]. I’m sure the good people at BN would publish it.

  40. Woman

    July 28, 2012 at 3:33 am

    …and I started YAWNING after the first paragraph….una no dey tire?…Next!

    • Ikunkun

      July 29, 2012 at 2:43 am

      Thank you sis….I thought I was the weird one oh!! I heard this neck and head thing since I was like 10yrs…abegi on to the next analogy jare….cos in my mind am thinking is it not the head that controls the mind to tell the neck what to do.?…so in essence the neck is important but just not that important….you might as well be a pinky….

  41. zusi

    July 28, 2012 at 4:17 am

    Lovely piece Ricky.. There are no shortcuts to it.

  42. clairebaby

    July 28, 2012 at 4:28 am

    I think both u and steve harvey have your own points.
    There is the ‘RULE’ and there is the ‘EXCEPTION’.
    Steve harvey’s book will work on 80% of relationships. Men are the chasers, but every woman should learn how to make the chase worthwhile and interesting without letting the guy get tired. Thus Steve Harvey writes for the ‘RULE’
    Of course , there’s the other 20% that are the exception.
    Life is a risk, so is falling in love.

    All in all, I think one of the best relationship movies remains ‘he’s just not that into you’. Practical.

  43. redfunnylips

    July 28, 2012 at 5:44 am

    Wale,you are funnyyyyy..”Catch and hold on to a man”

  44. Ariyike Akinbobola

    July 28, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Morning everyone, Thanks for your comments (both the positive and the erm…). Have a Blessed Weekend.

    • ...just saying

      July 31, 2012 at 10:31 pm

      We heard you loud and clear the first time>

  45. Siji

    July 28, 2012 at 7:38 am

    This is a very interesting write-up. Well done Ariyike.

  46. Ariyike Akinbobola

    July 28, 2012 at 7:38 am

    By the way, I totally enjoyed the movie “Think like a man”…Fantastic movie!

  47. @ajiriavae

    July 28, 2012 at 7:48 am

    @wale. It’s funny that you are belittling the idea of women trying to understand how to relate with men better when, as a former tomboy, I know that 70% of what guys talk about is women. It may not be talk of relationships, but it’s talk of women all the same.
    If you have something to say to guys about how to treat women, then write something and have it posted. Why should we be made to feel bad for being interested in improving relationships? This is just the typical ‘men trying to make women feel silly for acting like women’. We enjoy talking about relationships a lot more than men do. It doesn’t make us wrong, it just makes us women.

    • TAYGYAL

      August 16, 2012 at 4:59 am

      Wow kudos! u make sense!.

  48. fola Alade

    July 28, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Lovely piece Ricky….

  49. KingsQueen

    July 28, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    “Then again, the choice is yours….” this was the only point that caught me! Everything else we’ve heard before…. moving swiftly along *whistles*

  50. Yejide

    July 28, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Nice one… Really enjoyed reading it.

  51. chicky_minaj

    July 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Am so inspired with dz words/writeup.ur d best mama

  52. Princess of Zion

    July 28, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    As you rightly mentioned, no two people or relationships are the same! For me, the only principles or book i will take any advice from, is the Holy Bible! I sincerely believe that the things it teaches are useful and true- Love, patience, honesty, peace, kindness and so on. I just pray that more people will use this book to help them personally and to build their relationships. I would love to look out unto a world with happy and lasting relationships and marriages.

  53. Fatty

    July 28, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    this is an awesome article. it has definately inspired more people than u think.

  54. Ayomide Momoh(TAMA'S)

    July 29, 2012 at 4:25 am

    So so on point ariyike.such an inspiriring writeup…nothing can b more true cos seriously ladies tend to deceive demselves these dayz over relationship issues.

  55. lola Ajayi

    July 29, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Insipred…I feel soooooo relieved and free deep in my soul..cus honestly been having serious issues and your articule has sure been of great help..God bless u

  56. honeymix

    July 29, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    As I was just readn pple’s comments.not evry1 can be 2 hapi wif u,wat u write,wat u do.der wud always be d positive and criticizing comments.if evry1 writes dat they luv dis write up then der is a problem and if evry1 does not like it then there is an issue.wait 4 some1 2 write an article on how to catch a man and keep him and some people would stil say ‘are u not tired of bringing up this issue.next.there are subtle ways of saying some things.Ariyike nice write up.just yesterday 2 of my best frends tabled the issues in their relationship and I was giving meaninful advice,they always call me a relationship guru buh stil I learnt 1 or 2 fins 4m dis write up and also positive and negative fins 4m pple’s comments.

  57. Ariyike Akinbobola

    July 29, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Bella Naija readers are the best! I’m so happy at the feedback I’m getting. This message was meant to reach out to at least one Person (I wrote that in the second line) and I’m happy it went beyond that one person to loads of People.
    @ Princess of Zion, I totally agree with ur comment.
    @ Honeymix, I guess me and u have something in common.
    Thanks 4 all the comments (both the Positive and Negative ones). No one can know it all! We learn new things everyday, I’ve definitely learnt a lot from every1 that dropped a comment here…Bless!

  58. lazioman

    July 30, 2012 at 4:01 am

    I love the article. very well written!!

  59. latasha

    July 30, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Ariyike, so damn proud of you. As a writer myself, I know how hard it can be to express yourself succintly enough for others to follow and at the same time, make valid points. Well done girl on that score! As per the heart of the matter(no pun intended), there can be no end to relationship hassles, ups n downs etc. You are right, there really isn’t a formula or hard n fast rule. Everything is on a case by case basis but those key words, ‘please’, ‘sorry’, ‘thanks’? They make a world of difference regardless of. whether you are married or dating a high flying exec, movie star or bar tender!

    Every sane man wants the love of his woman to shine bright for the world to see and vice versa. Unfortunately, these days, there is an extraordinary amount of external pressure on dating couples, married couples and even single folks, ranging from work to finances, social issues to just plain mental fatigue. Communication between most couples these days, barely exists which is ironic really, when one thinks of the numerous channels of communication that are now part of one’s daily life.

    Eventually, we will get it right. Hopefully, before we are old and grey and lacking the youthful energy we still posses to even get feverish about our relationships…lol.
    Bless your dear heart Ricky, cheers to the positive comments, don’t even let the ‘why evils’ ones get u down and keep the wise words flowing. Love & Laughter always. Xxx

  60. Ariyike Akinbobola

    July 30, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Thanks Latasha, I’m sure u already know I’m a huge fan of your work(s). You’re actually one of the People that inspired me into going back to creative writing. Bless!

  61. of course

    July 30, 2012 at 9:42 am

    i am in love with my boyfriend, and i know he loves me too. but recently there seem to be a decline in communication.i start the conversation, text etc.and that keeps me wondering if he is still into me or if he wants out!i have raised this topic like 3times! all he does is to call me by my pet name and say he still has feelings for me. so am i over reacting? or is he done with me?

  62. shutup&drive

    July 30, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Lol @ ‘why evils’.
    Never knew Latasha was a writer but from the way she has given her opinion above its clear she is good @ what she does. Arike, thumbs up for an inspiring read. Its great to know that these society faces do more gainful things than stand on the redcarpet, hands on hip and pouT till the cows come home. Kudos to your healthy friendship rather than the typical bitching and hating naija chicks r legendary 4.

  63. Andrew

    July 30, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    This is beautiful. Thanks for sharing

  64. IVORY CHI

    July 30, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    absolutely amazing…nothing I didnt enjoy

  65. IVORY CHI

    July 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    sorrry!! LOL i am eating atm…i meant nothing that did not make sense

  66. honeymix

    July 30, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    @Ariyike *winks* and a gr8 big hug.

  67. elflaco

    July 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Lovely article .. If the writer practices half the things that were written here , she would make a very good wife ….

  68. Mee

    July 31, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Madam Julie,giving does not necessarily mean material things.it involves a whole lot of things like your time,space etc

  69. Igwehi

    July 31, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Nice one Ariyike. Great to know that my friend wrote this piece. 🙂
    I’m not a huge fan on the subject of relationships, but this article isn’t bad at all. I like the style, very much. Its great for a magazine piece. On the advice pieces, well, they are for me a little on the surface, nothing really deep. But I guess that’s the safest place to be when you choose to write a piece on a touchy subject as this.
    That aside, I am soooo looking forward to more of your writeups. Please bring ’em on!

  70. Miss Cake

    July 31, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Hmmm, nice write up indeed

  71. ali baba

    August 1, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    i love the article, self help books on love don’t really work for everybody but the writer, try to make your own rules as you go along!

  72. oyinlola

    August 2, 2012 at 7:22 am

    cool

  73. Funke BUCKNOR obruthe

    August 2, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    Love it

  74. bonita

    August 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

    lovely piece…very educative.

  75. mama nony

    August 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    ricky,
    you have hit the nail on the head i dated my hubby for only 6 weeks,and got married few months later it is working so well for us and we have a beautiful girl now, all i am saying is that it some pple will say date for a year or so but i broke the rules and in another life i will marry him, i have learnt to say sorry and i love u , ..

  76. blaize

    August 7, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY PIECE!……………………………………. sincere, straight forward & realistic.

  77. maureen ihom

    August 8, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    thats the ish Sister, there are no hard and fast rules to LOve. the rage of the moment- Act like a lady think like a Man is in my library and its a fun read still i would advice ladies to be careful about practicing everything in that book or others. All i can say is the book opened somethings to me and I know more than i did…different strokes for different folks..

  78. Maksy

    August 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    nice writeup……kudos to the writer

  79. Ololade Elebute

    August 11, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    I love d writer’s profile..a real career woman…an inspiration

  80. Phatomscribbler

    August 15, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    Love and marriage or relationships can be timeless only when foundations are solid and the framework on which it is built is strong. In Nigeria our take on it is marred by many factors, such as Religeocultural , Name, and of course Money matters.
    The piece is well versed, and I wish all who venture into marriage good luck (just hold on to your hearts and walk in with faith – REMEMBER!! its a two way street)

  81. Pee

    August 19, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    I love the article,nice one.I just eneded arelationship of 3years with my boyfriend a month ago and i’m in my late twenties.I did that because i asked him to define the relationship and let me know where the relationship is heading to but he was unable to do that after a month.he asked me to give him some time to take a decision but i ran out of patience because i felt maybe he’s not being straight with me.I stopped communicating with him even before i broke up with him.I know he still loves me deeply and does’nt have any other girlfriend and i’m still in love with him.We both have strong passion for each other.he has already introduced me to the dad and i relate very well with the siblings.I just can’t get over him no matter how i try.Now i’m thinking maybe i should have given him more time and continued being more caring and loving towards him bc he sounds like he’s having some challenges but not opening up.I’m confused right now.I don’t know if i should make the first move to get back with him and give him sometime to think through it or i should just let things be.I don’t want him to think i’m being desperate or needy.Please i need your advice because i’m confused and hurting badly.

    • Lola

      August 20, 2012 at 12:36 pm

      3 YEARS. My dear, that is your answer. it is supposed to hurt, allow yourself to hurt, and let it get out of your system. If one party cannot define a relatiosnhip after 3years, forget your age. Even if you were 18, I will say the same thing to anyone. Some may say it is just time, but hey, with time comes emotional investment. It is not just time. If someoe cannot say with all sincerity, that aftter 3 years, he cannot define your relationship, then I wonder what the both of you have been doing for all this while, and what you had ben talking about.

    • nancy

      September 10, 2012 at 11:33 am

      pee, similar thing happened to me, i would say both of you need space, first of all, i think you just need time to think about what you really want. he is the man, if he really wants you ,he will come back and grab you back,because you never know what is going through his mind,you deserve the best as a woman so does he. things happen for a reason, i just think you should let it be and if he is really for you, then he will come back,but just dont go back and beg for what is done is done,even though your in your late 20″s . God has the right time for you to be married, maybe you should thank God, please let us know if you decide to go back

  82. Adelola

    August 24, 2012 at 9:24 am

    I really love this piece…God bless you!

  83. ojone

    August 28, 2012 at 2:03 am

    i wish every woman both single and married would read this. Humility and courtesy are not bad things but are essential ingredients in a good relationship. When in a relationship, many persons have a me-first attitude, but try taking the lead in showing honor to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. that could bring a good difference to your relationship.

  84. Laura

    September 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    Love thE article

  85. OmogeNaija

    September 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Nice article Ariyike, in most instances, there is no hard and fast rule, but in some, there are. Also, a babe does not keep (or otherwise) the cookie in the cookie jar to make him stay, she keeps the cookie in the cookie jar because ‘marriage is honourable with the bed undefiled’.

  86. Mercy

    September 7, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Great Article!

    “Any woman who thinks she can control a man by incorporating what she learnt from a book into her relationship might just be making a huge mistake.”

    …depends on what book 😉 Thank God for guidance through His Word (the Bible).

    Again, great article.

  87. chris class

    October 25, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Truely and well said that relationship is between two different people from different homes all dey need is to accept and accomodaite each other feelings and emotions we men liked to be pampared and taking care of and like humble people that can serve and cope with our differencess and very intelligent if u re out there as a lady with all of this u have the best man on earth right in your hand gud luck ladies and tanx. Ariyike for ur article nice write up keep it up and more cos u ve just made me feel like a super woman much love

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