BN Hot Topic: How Soon Do You Unveil “Le Lover” To the World?

Posted on Thursday, November 22nd, 2012 at 1:53 PM

By Atoke

Every time there’s a family function, it’s an opportunity to catch up with the cousins and get the scoop on what’s going on in each other’s lives. Anyway, so on one of those occasions, my cousin strolls over with a babe clinging to him. He gets to our table and he tells us this is “iyawo mi”. Now, Yoruba is a very tricky language. There’s no word to differentiate between “girlfriend”/”fiancee”/”baby Momma”/”wife”. They’re all “Iyawo”. So after nicely welcoming the girl into the family, my Aunty Funto says “But how many of these Iyawo Mis are we going to meet before this boy actually gets married?” I started laughing because I could relate with her frustration. We were tired!

A few weeks ago, I heard my friend excitedly telling another friend that she’d met her boyfriend’s Mom and sisters and to her estimation, it was evidence enough of her planting roots in the family.  But it begged the question? “Did it really?”

When I mentioned it somewhere, it was argued that the reason why family members were plagued with so many “my Boo”s  was because the parties involved were usually too quick to introduce the person to the family. To which I countered “Ahn ahn! How long do you want to be meeting with the guy outside? He’s bound to come in to the house at some point”.  My friend responded that she had a strict “No boys are allowed to meet my Mom” rule. In her mind, allowing the guy meet her mom was going to elicit a flood of inquiries, many of which she may not necessarily have good enough responses to assuage her Mom (who is anxious for somebody, anybody to take her daughter off her!)

I know so many people who have been scammed by the “Iyawo Wa” trick. According to my friend, Bimpz, the real champions are the family members who have to keep up with the names and birthdays of girlfriends and boyfriends. “I’m tired of having to memorize the birthdays of my brother’s girlfriends. He keeps changing them. I can’t keep up. When he proposes then he should introduce her to me”

It was funny but can you really blame a person who is anxious to introduce someone he/she is in love with to the people close to him?

Let’s look at it from another angle. It’s the age of social media . The age of the Blackberry messenger display picture, the Twitter avatar, or the Facebook profile picture. It appears that it’s the notice board for couple’s these days. It, however, gets confusing when the “Le Boo” is the only constant thing but the person in the picture keeps changing.

So is there a rule that goes with these things?  Date for 5 weeks and use his picture as your Facebook profile with the accompanying message “Meet the Sheikh who makes my toes curl” or After 12 dates, bring him to meet your sisters.

What do you guys think? How soon does one introduce “Le Lover” to “Le World”

Let’s discuss!

Photo credit: black-speed-dating.co.uk

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  • 164 Comments on “BN Hot Topic: How Soon Do You Unveil “Le Lover” To the World?”

    Comments
    • tee November 22, 2012 at 2:14 PM

      On the wedding day!

      • Funmi November 22, 2012 at 2:51 PM

        OMG! Are you for real…you get me rolling on the floor with laughter….sure you are a guy; your style is perfect, but i need to warn my cousins who are still single to stay of people like you….your way smells “playboy”

      • hussler November 27, 2012 at 11:59 PM

        so true tee. I met my mother inlaw for the first time the night before our traditional wedding. And hubby met my parents 2 weeks prior.
        Am so not an advocate for “meeting the family”..

      • Purpleicious Babe November 28, 2012 at 5:02 PM

        loool.

      • ikunkun November 28, 2012 at 10:55 PM

        yes oooh!!!! Uno those pre-wedding photos?? Daiz the perfect intro broda-man would be getting…..anything apart from that na if u run into us at walmart o. Also very important to note that there shall be no facebook tags (that one can sneak up on you if you don’t watch and pray :D)….I have a couple of friends that have pulled this off nicely so nothing do me jere…..

    • folake November 22, 2012 at 2:15 PM

      As soon as he puts a ring on it ,in my opinion, there is too much deception out there, so personally when the guy puts a ring on it i will officially introduce him to my family, other wise we are just friends oh.. if he wants to introduce me to his family that’s fine but experience has taught me to wait for the ring .. before i can now say OKO me re o!! abi?

      • omolola November 27, 2012 at 1:02 PM

        sister! i wear one leg of this ur shoe, i remeber introducing one bobo to my mum as “him”, when brother was ready to dump my ass shame nor let me talk for house

    • Nkem November 22, 2012 at 2:19 PM

      Hmmm, very good question indeed!
      My boo has his cousin’s wedding to attend in a couple of weeks and even though i thought it would be a good opportunity to meet a couple of he’s family members (since we dont live in Naij), i have not been invited.
      But then again i thought to myself, “its not by meeting family o” People have been introduced to family and the relationship still collapsed. A friend suggested I ask why he hasn’t said anything about taking me along but nah, that sounds cheap.

      So mehn ‘m just chilling and going with the flow. What will be will be.

      • nana November 22, 2012 at 6:21 PM

        yea, you will sound cheap if you ask him. and if he doesn’t invite you, that should tell you something…

        • ashani November 22, 2012 at 9:13 PM

          Gbam!

        • Purpleicious Babe November 28, 2012 at 5:04 PM

          loool again….

      • My 2cents November 23, 2012 at 1:33 PM

        Only one family function, and you are fretting. Seriously, relax abeg. We women can be the architects of our own downfall. He may have his reasons. Ask yourself too, are you ready for him to meet your people? If you are not, so, why are you expecting him to introduce you to his. The door swings both ways. Meeting the family doesnt mean much to a guy, he can introduce a girl he started seeing last week. So if he doesnt want you to meet them yet, accept it like that, and dont downgrade yourself by asking him why. You’ll just come across as desperate

      • Am November 26, 2012 at 1:59 PM

        recently got introduced to boo’s people, not bad. However i have been in one that crashed after the “meet my people” part, wasn’t fun. I think if he is really ready he will take you along, may have skipped his mind so urge him on small naa, except if u are not ready for this step. there are some guys that needs the gentle reminder, if he is the type, insinuate that u will like to attend, its not being cheap, its finding where u stand on time o.

      • Margarita January 28, 2013 at 2:57 PM

        if he doesn’t invite u, believe me he’s not serious. better still, ask him jokingly and see his reaction. if he acts like “y shud u be there?” then, there’s a problem

    • thomiey November 22, 2012 at 2:21 PM

      Maybe 6 mnths. Abeg guys this days have become very funny

    • Esther November 22, 2012 at 2:23 PM

      Very interesting topic… I don’t think there’s a specific time for that,as long as he/shez special

    • Berry Choco-Latté November 22, 2012 at 2:24 PM

      I don’t do introductions. I’ll mention to my mum, sisters and cousins about the guy I’m interested in. Because I live in a different city, meeting them face-to-face is unlikely. When I lived in PH with my dad, I had male friends come over to visit – just friends and maybe snuck in 1 or 2 love interests. I didn’t know my dad was silently keeping track until one day during a heated discussion he said “I pray to God that one of these so-called friends will get serious soon.”

      *blank stare and surprised smiley*

    • Jennifer November 22, 2012 at 2:28 PM

      For me ehn. I always tell my sister that if i had my way, it is until he has put a ring on my finger that i can introduce him to my family. Men these days are hard to predict. I have a cousin who had a “le boo” for about 3years. showed him off everywhere, he always took her to family functions, everyone in their family knew her, but where is the relationship today? She got to find out two months ago that “Le boo” is getting married next month. Men do not have the Fear of God at all….

      • Cynthia November 22, 2012 at 4:37 PM

        I really dont understand how guys do/get away with this. Like how? How do they manage to live two lives and the babes doesnt know. I understand how married men get away with it because at this stage the women are usually focused on their children and the men are working hard to bring in money. But how guys mange this is a young lovey dovey relationship still baffles me. Like what happened? You just saw another babe and decided that this is the one you will marry instead but forgot to mention to your ‘le boo’. It is well

      • Idak November 22, 2012 at 5:07 PM

        I have not laughed this hard all day.
        They don’t have the fear of God???
        Is it that serious?

        • lol November 23, 2012 at 4:22 PM

          and what seems so funny abt dat statement if i may ask? will a man that has the fear of God do that to a woman he claims to love? or anybody else in particular?

        • susan November 29, 2012 at 3:09 AM

          very serious my dear!!!

      • Gimmer November 22, 2012 at 7:11 PM

        Men of nowadays just have no darn respect for women. That le boo there is a cruel soul. I bet you his family jumped ship fast and ditched your cousin without blinking.

      • DannyK December 12, 2012 at 6:23 PM

        KWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

    • Miss jay November 22, 2012 at 2:37 PM

      Took me 6 months to get introduced to his family and even that was an accident, he was in the hospital and his mum came visiting to see her baby being taken care of by another woman. Fast forward 3 and a half years later , we are walking down the aisle next month.

      As long as both parties are comfortable being introduced, then it’s fine. My immediate older brother has brought two different girls this year only, talking about marriage, my guess is the latter wont last as long as the former, until he puts a ring on a girl, they are just sex buddies, knowing the kind of person he is.
      Please note, meeting his family members doesn’t gurantee a place in that family, cos even if they love you to bits, it’s the guy’s decision that is ultimate, they will fall in line with whatever girl he brings home!

    • cardoso November 22, 2012 at 2:41 PM

      when he puts a ring on it o! Men can be very funny so till he puts a ring,… only then can appropriate introductions be made : )

      • Purpleicious Babe November 28, 2012 at 5:20 PM

        even with rings sef, it can still be called off.

        so yh just keep an open mind..no pressure.

        to be honest, meeting the family is just any some how normal occasion apart from the odd looks and assessment. be cool, charm them and make them feel awesome they raised the perfect child .lol am being sarcastic. Be you and learn to manage your expectations positively i.e. try not to get over yourself and put things in positive perspectives.

        I dont see it as a big deal sha when I introduce a romantic relationship with Mum, she is pretty cool, as long as you conduct yourself appropriately and behave. No pressure. My mum is my friend so my friend meets another friend of mine. Pere.

        http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

        • Purpleicious Babe November 28, 2012 at 5:22 PM

          even with rings sef, it can still be called off.

          so yh just keep an open mind..no pressure.

          to be honest, meeting the family is just any some how normal occasion apart from the odd looks and assessment. be cool, charm them and make them feel awesome they raised the perfect child .lol am being sarcastic. Be you and learn to manage your expectations positively i.e. try not to get over yourself and put things in positive perspectives.

          I dont see it as a big deal sha when I introduce a romantic relationship to my Mum, she is pretty cool, as long as I conduct myrself appropriately and behave. No pressure. My mum is my friend so my friend meets another friend of min (except she is a parent and you are simple dude in lust with me). Pere.

          http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • Mz Socially Awkward... November 22, 2012 at 2:44 PM

      LOL @ your friend’s mum who’s anxious for “somebody, anybody to take her daughter off her”.

      I’m sure my mum can relate, they should compare notes … :-) And speaking of momma dearest, I remember when I just started dating my last man-friend & she asked me specifically “Are you guys going everywhere together?” to which I responded with a love-struck, emphatic “Yes, now, he’s my bobo.” Mumsie paused and then asked me to rethink that decision, maybe I should try and not show up with him at too many public functions so that I can keep people guessing and more importantly, keep other interested candidates keen.

      One broken relationship later and living in this very tiny city in the North East of Scotland where everyone practically knows too much of your life, I have to say my mama get brain! To echo what the first commenter said above, who ever “he” is shall only be revealed to the world on the wedding day!

    • My 2cents November 22, 2012 at 2:45 PM

      From a guy’s perspective, they can intorduce as many, it doesn’t really affect them, beyond they’ll be teased with “another one again”, its harmless fun. But from a girl’s perspective, you have a lot to loose o. Cos you’ll be in the long line of other women he’s introduced, and if they’ve seen enough, they dont see you as special or the real thing. Imagine you imagining baby names in your head already with a guy, and you meet his family who just think abeg, fall in line, take position. Na today. Plus if you meet families of each guy u think its serious it’s s small world with nigerians, whether you live abroad or not. A friend of mine had a smiliar experience on two occassions. Embarassing coincidence. She realised Le boo and her ex boo were actually related, cos members of the family of her new boo, recognised her. Imagine how embarassing, to hear, weren’t u dating Bode before, remember me, he introduced you at Lara’s wedding. Imagine that happeneing to you twice. To make matters worse, she didnt end up with the guys in question, on the two occassions. She’s now family phobic now. No introducing a guy to her people or her even going to meet his people until its serious, picking out rings kind of serious. She’s learnt her lessons. As for me, I’ll meet your family, after you are ready to meet mine. We know guys dont like meeting a girl’s parents until they know its serious, as in serious. Meeting your parents signifies sth big, and a guy who isnt ready to make that committment, will nicely avoid it, but they dont have any qualms with you meeting theirs, even if in their mind, you are a waka pass girlfriend. I’ve tried that strategy enough times to test a guy’s committment, and lets just say, i havent been wrong YET.

    • dupe November 22, 2012 at 2:56 PM

      in a r/ship wit a guy for close to 7yrs now and he has not put a ring on it. though he kips promising to do that when he is ok financially. dunno oooo am tired of the whole r/ship but i cant call it off cos am scared wht his reaction might b. i will b 28 next yr.

      • Homely November 22, 2012 at 3:20 PM

        O.Y.O

        • notaplayerhater November 22, 2012 at 4:18 PM

          lololol….. can i kiss you…heh heh heh

        • mimi November 23, 2012 at 2:30 PM

          What an interesting topic, i can stop laughing, Hmmm im learning a lot from this.

      • Idak November 22, 2012 at 5:21 PM

        28? There is still time :-)
        How old is the guy?

      • Sbaby November 22, 2012 at 6:17 PM

        I read this and said 7 alleluias at least someone worse off than me, my own is 5yrs , i have met his whole family, some have died and new ones have been born and i am still waiting to hear that question, Dupe ndo ohh just make sure you dont reach 10 yrs biko my sister

        • partyrider November 23, 2012 at 3:19 AM

          @ shaby your comment killed me..Lmao @ some have died and new ones have been born..LOOOOL

        • bafy November 27, 2012 at 4:11 PM

          lwkmd

        • omototun November 29, 2012 at 12:12 AM

          lmao!!!….I am laughing and crying oh!!! DANG IT..i just ruined my makeup and i still have a class to teach tonight!! this your comment is just too funny…I feel copying and pasting it on facebook…. tireee gbosa for you!! #oroburukutohunterin

        • koko December 7, 2012 at 1:14 PM

          hmmm mine after 2nd half years yesteray someone sent me there wedding pic …how did he plann dis without me suspecting fear men their hearts re so wicked…..be careful oh

        • Margarita January 28, 2013 at 3:46 PM

          *rolls to malaysia* lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! abeg start looking for other options o

      • X factor November 22, 2012 at 8:09 PM

        If this is your reason for holding on to the relationship, then you breaking it may not be a bad idea at all but if there are other considerations, then………..

      • Meggito November 23, 2012 at 9:21 AM

        7 yrs is enough for a man to put a ring on it, if he is not then he doesn’t loves you. after all you are not complaining about his financial status. When he finds the right girl the same man will put the ring on it and walk her down the a within six months am talking from experience.

        So help yourself and stop wasting your time with him.

      • DUPE November 25, 2012 at 6:01 PM

        SWEETY, PLS SHINE UR EYE. i”m also in d shoes wit u, but am gonna dodge dis bullet early enof b4 am 28.

      • Purpleicious Babe November 28, 2012 at 5:28 PM

        wow………. i think deep down you know what gonna happen…. so i suggest you start thinking about it… in essence go figure.

        http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • ephee November 22, 2012 at 3:11 PM

      i was introduced by my ex to his family and mum as his “wife”.i was always at every family occasions and gathering even the usual ‘AANKO”-ie to match outfit) wasnt left out.we dated for five years and despite the familiarity and his family pressure of settling down since he has introduced ” the one” but overnite just from no where someone else took over and was introduced alredy to his mum impromtu only for her to be accepted and the so called family had to tell me to take it in good faith that we might still be of help to each other.i was relly hurt and cheated on,i left the relationship after discovering his family has accepted the new girl. For the fact the family likes you and recognizes you with their child(son) dosnt mean you are certified coz when he changes his mind everyone will have to follow suite except the real God fearing ones or there is a threatening reason y the discision has to be made(e.g blood group, death e.tc)

      • Funke November 22, 2012 at 4:34 PM

        I totally agree with you.. I dated my ex for almost 5yrs, his family knew me, I was always with them.. My folks knew him too.. The guy broke up with me with the excuse that they told him in his church not to marry a light-skinned woman.. His family didn’t even call nor text to check up on me after then, as in to even think that his mum always complained that I didn’t call her enough.. I was shocked to my bone-marrow.. Now ehn, no meeting of family oo, until this ring finger has been appropriately dressed by this new le boo..

        • Frankie November 22, 2012 at 7:31 PM

          Funke…that there is my story. I bonded with my ex s family so well, his thirsty ass mom (yep I just said that) always using style to exploit me for coach bags and Michael korrs tins . this dude hand picked what he wanted me to buy for his hungry family…and its usually $350 watches, polo big pony etc. turned out the entire time the homie had a another chic on the side. hahahahhahahah. we ve been broken up for 8 months now and to my chagrin, his hungry mom still hasn’t found my number to call and at the very least “pretend ” she heard we broke up. I’m not even mad at my ex cos not all relationships lead to marriage. but i have mad beef with his family and if i run into his mom in a dark alley i will give her a piece d of my mind…to think she has two daughters…i expected her to at least be reasonable. a simple call from her would have sufficed. That said…I refuse to unveil unless there is a ring in place. I won’t be further exploited by thirsty relatives. Awon Elebi people…lol

        • Lynn November 25, 2012 at 6:05 PM

          loll….what kinda lame & flimsy excuse? This must be racism , imagine not getting married to light skinned girls. He’s just cruel if that’s his only excuse.

    • Slim November 22, 2012 at 3:12 PM

      Am loving the picture attached to this article #wink#

    • laila November 22, 2012 at 3:21 PM

      Unveil ke? The guy must have chased and wooed me so hard through every means including my family that Le Family would be the ones ask me to tag him Le Husband! In fact, when his folks start asking my folks ‘how is she doing’, and I am forced to fess up whether or not I will ‘gree’, he wouldn’t need any introduction. By that time he’d be Le ‘you don try jare’ !!!

      • Anon November 22, 2012 at 5:12 PM

        Gosh you are so blessed!!! lol

    • Dee November 22, 2012 at 3:24 PM

      I don’t introduce bf’s to my mom, i won’t introduce anyone to my parents till I am sure. My bro perhaps but never my mom!

    • amaka November 22, 2012 at 3:40 PM

      ‎​I totally subscribe to what 2cents said.in My last two relationships,‎​I had guys who kept saying they wanted to wife me but when it was time for them to prove their intentions by meeting my family,they came up with silly excuses and since ‎​I don’t have time for nonsense in my life,‎​I dropped their sorry asses. ‎​I started dating my present boo october last year.by april of dis year,he was singing the marriage tune in my ears. ‎​I told him my condtions:no meeting of any memeber of your family unless you come to meet mine and conclude all conclusions with them. ‎​I expected him to bail out on me like the others or even vary the terms of the agreement but surprsingly,he did not. In july,he officially came to see my parents and after giving him tough time for 2months,my father finally accepted him in september . ‎​I met his whole family officially for the first time last month and it was after the time for the formal introduction of both families were fixed for the first week of december that ‎​I started introducing him as le boo cos ‎​I used to introduce him as “a friend” and boy,did it piss him off? ‎​I’m very certain it was one of the things that hastened everything.

    • Susan November 22, 2012 at 3:41 PM

      Meeting the family is a case of knock on wood o. I’ve met the family twice. First time I wondered, it was a little too soon, considering he introduced me as Iyawo, and it came as a shock. I stood trying not to look shocked and angry. Which wife, bros from where to where na. I played along as they were so nice, so I took their acceptance with a pinch of salt. I told a friend who knows the family, about it and she laughed. Bros was quite older than me, number one. Number 2, in the months shortly before we met, he had made giant strides in settling his affairs and his family and friends knew about it, cos he was saying, he is doing all this so that he can marry very soon. So basically he was waiting for the next woman he meets, and gbam, marry. So it’s not as if he wanted to marry me, as in me. I could have been any girl. So of course, when his family met me, there was a bulls eye on my head. They knew this was iyawo and they were smiling sheepishly and over nice. Finally their son was getting married. Silly me, walked into a trap. I was still serving then and bros was pressuring me seriously. As in, shey it’s girls that pressure. Not in this case. I confronted him, when I told him I was going abroad for my masters. He freaked and said no, he wants to get married b4 the end of the year, and wants me pregnant ASAP? If possible b4 the wedding sef. Mehn see someone planning your life for you, while you look like a spectator. I broke up with him, and 6 months later he was married, and madam was already pregnant sef. So you see, meeting the family can go either way.

    • brianna November 22, 2012 at 3:42 PM

      umm Dupe, like homely said O.Y.O for real

    • Chattyzee November 22, 2012 at 4:05 PM

      Personally, I say wait a few months, until you both have something strong going before introducing the person on FB and to your family. (ofcourse your parents should have an idea of who he is and where is he is from even before he proposes so that if they have any objections, you can deal with it).
      After all, you don’t want to be going through different seasons of “Iyawo Wa” or “Oko mi”, it will make people disrespect you.
      I’ve never brought a man home, so It’s even my mum that’s starting to ask – so that she’ll respect my choice when I eventually do.

      http://dprodigalchild.wordpress.com/

    • lou November 22, 2012 at 4:39 PM

      I must say, the comments on this blog are way more civilized than those on Lind ikeji’s. one day i made the ‘mistake’ of airing my personal opinion on there and I was attacked. needless to say I wont be going back there just yet. fun write-up, however it just makes me miss the fun of r/ships. been MIA for 2 years now :)

      • Idak November 22, 2012 at 5:13 PM

        No need for the comparison. Both blogs serve different purposes and do them well.

        • Eve May 5, 2013 at 9:22 AM

          Idak you must be BellaNaija police. Policing every comment. More groundnut oil to ur elbow.

    • brittany November 22, 2012 at 4:43 PM

      hahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha OH MY GOODNESS!!BN best article so far and most entertaining comments..
      im loving this

    • DAMI November 22, 2012 at 4:55 PM

      HOW I LOVE THIS PIECE.AFTER ABOUT 2YEARS OF DATING, OGA JUST ASKED TO ME COME OVER FOR HIS PARENTS TO MEET ME. ALL EXPENSES PAID…..IMPRESSED, SINCE HE HAD COME OVER TO OFFICIALLY MEET MINE IN JULY. MORESO HE HAD VEHEMENTLY AVIODED ANY CONACT WITH FAMILYIN OUR RELATIONSHIP ON THE BASIS THAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS MORE FOR US THAN THEM. HOWEVER LIKE MY DAD SAID……ITS NOT A DONE DEAL INSPITE OF MEETING THEM. YOU NOW HAVE TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO HIM & HIS FAMILY AND OBSERVE. BUT REALLY, MEETING FAMILY ISNT A GAURANTEE IN ANY WAY

    • DAMI November 22, 2012 at 4:59 PM

      BUT IT DOES GIVE SOME FORM OF SECURITY. LIKE I KNOW HIM AS A SON, A BROTHER………FEEL MORE SECURED NOW SHA!!11

      • Person pikin November 22, 2012 at 7:20 PM

        Na wa oh, is your caps lock button broken?

        • O November 22, 2012 at 7:58 PM

          Lmao!! I love you!

        • Tokunbo November 23, 2012 at 12:23 AM

          haahahaha! for real!

        • Alexia November 23, 2012 at 5:07 PM

          EL-OH-Freaking-EL!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • NaijaGurl November 26, 2012 at 11:59 PM

          Lmao! I just ha to laugh

        • omolarl November 27, 2012 at 4:58 AM

          @ person pikin>are u for real?? ROTFL……….

        • Purpleicious Babe November 28, 2012 at 10:47 PM

          person pikin..seriously ur comment had me in stitches boy…. culdnt stop laughing….phew…

        • liily November 29, 2012 at 9:17 PM

          hahahahahahahahaha….LMAO #dead

        • jcsgrl January 30, 2013 at 9:11 PM

          Oh God I just laughed the hell off with tears rolling down my face in a quiet office where I’m supposed to be listening to a webinar. God make dem no fire me o cos I cant claim BN cause am!

    • larakingz... November 22, 2012 at 5:01 PM

      wow, I love this topic and the comments are interesting. well for me, I have learnt the hard way. Been in a relationship were the guy was “serious” but I knew something was wrong somewhere. unfortunately I have introduced him at home and my mum felt I was too picky when I found out somethings. Moving on, have told myself that till I am very very convinced I wont invite him over or even go to his house. Going to his house aint an indication that they are serious. My Ex brother had 2 known GF one was in America the other in Nigeria and the mum and brothers welcomed both. It was when the one that was in America found out about a third no one knew about that they started panicking. for me, thats a big RED light and I humbly left cos I couldn’t trust them again.

      • Cle de peu November 22, 2012 at 9:35 PM

        Lol…hilarious . We shouldn’t trust anyone period . Perhaps trust is not the issue…most of us just need to understand that as women, we are viewed as outsiders by our love interests’ families and they will never put our needs above their son’s needs. No one will have one iyawos back over their sons back. If u see yourself as dispensable if need be, then it will serve as a good caution for you as you bond with these random boyfriend relatives…most of them will let you down and fail you when push comes to shove so don’t get carried away. Jesus’s never fails tho lol

    • Sayo November 22, 2012 at 5:05 PM

      The proverbial meeting the family. In my case, we were going so well and he kept avoiding the meet the family issue. Lawd I should have kept that door closed. Didnt know bros was actually protecting me from them. The less they saw and heard of me, the better for me. Very complicated family with eons of extended family and family friends and they all had their opinion and expectation if u. A camp hated me on sight. They loved his ex, and had decided no one else’s good enough for him, and they kept comparing, sometimes to my hearing, and they were giving him update about the girl. Kike is still single you know, you guys were so cute together, I saw like in so so and so place, she still loves u, you know, you guys would meet up, just to chat and catch up. Imagine having to deal with that anytime you were around them. Another camp was expecting me to be a be a slave and kiss ass. That one I couldn’t do. Go to their house on weekends, cook, sop clean, the worst one was go to the shop with mummy and sit there for the whole day. Excuse me, shop in Isale Eko, you must be kidding me. His family really interfered, and it got to him, because he kept battling them and passing the frustrations to me. It got too much and we broke up. Meeting the family again? No I don’t think so, unless he is open to me about his family and his ex’s, so I know what I’m walking into, and also unless we are a done deal and we plan to present a united front. It also isn’t a bad idea as 2 cents said above, if he should meet my parents first.

      • Amazeballs! November 23, 2012 at 12:51 PM

        LMAO @ shop in Isale Eko!!!!!! Sayo pls dont kill me.

    • Uchechi November 22, 2012 at 5:19 PM

      Really it’s a personal decision to unveil them on social media, as for me I like to keep my affairs private.

      No family introduction until its official biko. It’s ok if he tells them about me as I will do same only when asked about my relationship.

      I’m afraid I will not parade any man who isn’t my husband.

    • Olam November 22, 2012 at 5:27 PM

      Really confused too. I’ve been dating BF for 6yrs+ now. We met in our early yrs in uni and hv been dating since then. I’ve always had suitors and been turning them down for diff reasons. However I and my BF have been going steady and though peripherally our both families knew we had something going, it wasn’t any serious introduction. Fast forward to Easter this year, his family were complete and I was invited over. Had lunch with them gisted with his mom, infact she started asking some pointed questions and stuff. Well, jst last week, BF called me that his mom said he can’t marry me. That he shud marry someone frm their place (mind you we’re both igbos) and that he shud not be pressured to marry now, amongst other reasons. I’m devastated. I wish I had not gone to his place. In their house, they never go against their parents wishes.
      Now I’m stuck, I don’t knw how to tell my friends, sisters, our mutual friends etc that this is how it is. I’m still trying to convince him though

      • Toffee Temptress November 23, 2012 at 12:03 PM

        First : *hug*

        I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s the oldest excuse in the book, rather than wondering why you met his family at all you should thank God you met them now rather than 10 years down the road. You deserve a man, not a boy who can’t stand up for what he wants.

        As for what you’ll tell everyone…. the truth usually works best. Don’t blame yourself please, things happen a certain way for good.
        xoxo

    • tito November 22, 2012 at 5:32 PM

      hmmmmm! abeg qwich family are u meetig, i ve learnt my lesson the hard way, dating OGA, for 7yrs, meeting his family and eve playing ludogames with his mother doesnt guarantee anyfin……. he his married now with 2kids and am here yet to settle down…..

      • Cle de peu November 22, 2012 at 9:25 PM

        Those mommies , iya oko, need to keep a distance and respect themselves sha. My mom made it clear to my brothers that she only wanted to knw /meet the woman they are sure they want to marry. The day you introduce her to me, I don’t want to see another side chic or change of plan chic. She would now conclude with her famous ” e ma so mi di mama oshi” line. Meaning don’t commonize and render me worthless to your girlfriends. Lwkmdfh

      • BIODUN January 17, 2013 at 4:48 PM

        shit happens tito, but u still need to know the family you are getting into. i am a guy, i have also fell victim not less the 2 times. just remain yourself and hope for the best. he is not yours, that is why he left.

    • zeebaby November 22, 2012 at 5:38 PM

      Abeg folake, u are correct o. i will unveil d guy when i get a ring . i have introduced only one guy to my family and i regret it!!! i thot this was it and agreed to show him off ( due to his insistence and his complaints dat i was coding him) Long, short and sad story, we dated for almost 3 years after which i found out he was dating abt 8 more galz simultaneously and had met their parents too. GALS- BEWARE OF SUCH EMBARASSMENT.

      • Frankie November 22, 2012 at 7:38 PM

        My ex was the same wy…sooooo annoyingly insistent that I introduce him to my folks and he was he first and only guy that I introduced and I still regret it till this day. He bullied me into introducing him to my family. The pushy ones are usually sad news at the end of the day. He did the same thing to his other chic …begging her to come meet his mom, the hungry mom o , and that one was like ef no…dude we just met. These stories sound soooo similar it’s scary .lol

        • Mide November 22, 2012 at 9:22 PM

          Frankie, i’m going to offend you now, so no vex. Sister, you ned someone to smack you on the head sideways, then help you dry your tears, and take you on a spa weekend afterwards. You did WHAT!!!!!. You were trying too hard to gain their approval. Spending your had earned money on a guy’s family. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!. He was pointing, you were buying. You just conformed to the image of black women in the US. You spend your money on a broke ass, ne’er-do-well, so that you can keep the man, and i’m sure you were expecting him to marry you. He sounds like the typical black man in America. Strings of women all over the place, all gushing to please his sorry ass, while he lives like a king. Na so you ugly reach, or your self esteem low reach, that you’ll be clothing his broke ass family. Pele o Frankie, pele o. $350 dollars on his family. I won’t even spend that on them after I am married, except it is to use their son’s money to buy something for them. DONT TRY THAT SHIT AGAIN PLEASE. Abeg, you don’t buy your way into the heart of his family, they’ll collect your goods, and slam the door on your face when you break up. This story is so classic, I have heard it everywhere. We women keep doing the same thing, and are wondering why we are getting the same results. SMH

      • pd November 24, 2012 at 5:17 AM

        story of my life…..but i didnt introduce him to mummy oh….just my sister…..so it was quite easy for me to dump his sorry ass!!! never again!!! i dont even go for family parties,friend parties etc …..all na scam

    • Reasonable advice November 22, 2012 at 6:04 PM

      All this dating for 5,6,7, years. Odikwa very dangerous ( in the best iiiigbo Alaba market man accent). 5 years, WHAT!!!. Why, why do I keep hearing such stories. You give your youth, your care free years to him, you comfortably start to think as one unit, and o pari bros walks away, a year later he is married. 5 years, ni ile tani. My mum will chase the guy, his leg no go reach ground. The guy has seen you finish na, experienced everything, where’s the mystery, the allure, the charm of getting to discover you more and more. 5 years? He’s freaking bored silly, and the poor girls never see it coming. That’s the part that makes me doubt their intelligence. Even married men get the 5 year itch and start wandering, not to talk of single. If you dated at uni, it’s still not an excuse, because college, is a totally different ball game entirely, you are in a bubble in college. Life hasn’t happened to you yet, and the person you are, hasn’t shone forth really. So people change. I’m not saying all college sweethearts dont end up together, but they are very few, if you want to be honest. Very few. A lot of people don’t know what they want at that stage in their life. So keep your options open, there’s no convenant that says he will marry you. Time is nothing to a guy, its girls that count, ha 5 yrs, 6 yrs. As for those who are still dating after uni, working and being an adult. In 6 – 12 months, a full blooded, well grounded, focused adult male, who is sure of himself, his values, his goals, and knows what he wants from life and his future, knows already if you are the one. Someone who is genuine and honest, and doesnt want to waste your time and his, will let you go. He may not be ready to marry yet, but he knows, and he’ll let you know, even if he hasn’t proposed. So, if by then you haven’t seen any hints or he is not talking about it, forget it, meeting the family means jack. On the flip side, if your man isn’t all I just described 5 years down the line sef, he doesn’t know what he wants, and he is coasting on your time. So of course, you have already picked out wedding colours, uncle doesn’t know what he’ll be doing with his life in 5 years. Another woman comes along, or something big happens in his life, and opens his eyes, gbam, he dumps you, he is married a year later. Ever wondered why the men, who leave long relationships are often married in record time. Be wise with your years women, and cherish them well. Don’t let anyone steal time from you, don’t invest in a sinking hole.

      • Changing faces November 22, 2012 at 7:49 PM

        Over sabi, please let’s hear. I dated my husband for 6 yrs and we’re happily married. It’s not a function if how long but how well. The length of the courtship(long or short) is no guarantee. People date for a long/short time for diff reasons, so to each his own.

        • Mide November 22, 2012 at 8:55 PM

          You didn’t get the point at all. It worked for you my dear, it doesn’t work for A LOT OF WOMEN. Good example read the comments and women lamenting at the loooooong things. Whomever wrote this, made sense, as its not the years at first glance. It’s at which point you as a woman, should know that the man has a commitment to you, and you are not just waiting and hanging and hoping. That actually is an insult to you as a woman, in my own opinion sha. Hanging on, and waiting and hoping that he will pop the question. Na so you ugly reach or you no get self esteem at all. If he knows a good thing, he’ll grab it and hold it tight, and not leave you hanging. If he doesn’t cherish what he has, you leave him in the dirt and move on, you are better than that, and you deserve better. You aint someone’s puppy. A man leaving a girl hanging for years, without popping the question is wicked and selfish in my opinion. I agree with the 6 – 12 months window. Only a narrow minded person will think that statement means, you must be married in 6 – 12 months, or be engaged by then. It means you must know where the relationship is going, and not just any kind waka pass know, or the guy go dey post you, dey use sweet mouth cover am. A man who loves you, even if he isn’t ready to marry you because of finances, business plans, education, etc, at least he shouldn’t keep you hanging and waiting.

        • Cle de peu November 23, 2012 at 6:25 PM

          You are the exception not te rule….6yrs dating nowadays is ekun ola…I.e., endless tears. Mide is right on that this approach has not worked for many. No man is worth 6 yrs of any woman’s youth unless you ve signed for better for worse

    • Reasonable advice November 22, 2012 at 6:14 PM

      I don’t mean just talk. A man who already sees you as his wife, you will know by his actions, and please meeting the family isn’t one of them. Yes there are pretenders and wicked men out there. You too as a woman, shine your eyes well, don’t get too carried away, marriage isn’t a prize, it’s a journey. And most of all, pray and pray well well. Ask for direction, ask for guidance, pray for Grace, pray for wisdom. Let your heart and mind sync with the guy honestly and truly. If there’s no harmony in courtship, how will there be harmony in marriage. And please be on your guard too, men change, and watch that you are not changing too. Married people are told, never get comfortable, so your relationship with your spouse doesn’t stall and roll into routine and drudgery. The same advice applies to single people too. I’ll say it again. Be careful with your years, so you don’t end up bitter and with regrets. He will go his own way, and forget you sef, you will be left with the pain, the baggage, and if you’ve been very public, you may be left with the shame too. Shalom.

      • Purpleicious Babe November 28, 2012 at 10:57 PM

        You spoke well…. am on that page myself.

    • mdoom November 22, 2012 at 6:31 PM

      after 6years of a steady relatiohship and attending family functions and here nursing my wounds…until he puts a ring on it.

    • Gimmer November 22, 2012 at 7:05 PM

      Unveil ony When you are officially engaged. Don’t let negroes be bookmarking you carelessly…cos trust me no amount of bonding with his friends and famly doesn’t men jack. He walks away, his friends and family walk and jump to the next chic he brings. Save yourself fom that embarrassment that could accompany unveiling before a ring?

    • feisty chic November 22, 2012 at 7:29 PM

      @sayo your story is so mine. met his mum and he met my dad. tot things were going well until we found out his parents were against the whole thing. months of loads of frustration and anger later we broke up. now I’ve learnt two things:
      1. never go everywhere with him and keep your options open so all your eggs are never in one basket.(this isn’t a license for you to sleep around sha)
      2. Never ever introduce him or be introduced by him to the family unless a ring has been exchanged and he shows he will be there strongly for you no matter what both families think.

    • feisty chic November 22, 2012 at 7:31 PM

      and i forgot
      3. never ever update your status to ‘in a relationship’ unless you have been engaged then you can put ‘engaged’

      • bussie November 23, 2012 at 7:26 PM

        Word!!!

    • Frankie November 22, 2012 at 7:52 PM

      While I can appreciate how hard it is to walk away from 7 yrs…I think you should start thinking of diversifying your portfolio. Men do it all the time and that’s why they leave us Hanging and we whine. You need a viable backup plan

      • Girl From Neighbouring Country January 11, 2013 at 12:46 AM

        Exacty what i was thinking! A backup plan. Who says we women cant date as many men as we can simultaneously? Just make sure u dnt sleep with them and let them knw u have options. The right guy wld look sharp. And no meeting Le Famile till Le Ring is on.

        PS: Love all da comments here. I think Nigerians have a good sense of humour

    • onlooker November 22, 2012 at 7:58 PM

      Ring, Introduction, Anko, Attending family functions, Going to pass time in Isale Eko ati bee bee lo DOESNT guarantee anything. Nothing does.

      • heeba November 23, 2012 at 4:07 PM

        Abi ooooo!!!

    • Joan November 22, 2012 at 8:31 PM

      I’ve always been the one to encourage early unveiling. Needless to say I have learned my lessons. First off, I am never meeting any man’s family before he meets mine. Secondly, the truth is that a family will welcome u with open arms same way they’ll welcome the other five girls their son brings to the house. Lastly, If there is no ring on my third finger, you have no place on my BB dp, my Facebook page, or my twitter or Instagram TL. I learned the hard way….:)

      • babes December 22, 2012 at 7:23 AM

        THANK YOU! I WAS WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO MENTION THIS! I don’t know where u from but at my end, the original Igbo tradition is
        man proposes>>lady accepts>>man comes with family twice to knock on the woman’s parents’ door with gifts>>woman’s parents returns the visit with gifts later after researching about man’s family & lineage>>woman can now visit man’s parents as often as she wants.

        Wise mothers would tell you this was the culture for a reason, if done the other way round with the woman marching without the escort of her parents to meet man’s family for the first time, she is susceptible to criticism and harsh questioning; which would dare not happen with your parents there, everyone would be more respectful and above all MORE SERIOUS WITH THE MATTER AT HAND.

    • Mide November 22, 2012 at 9:06 PM

      This social media thing ehn has caused too many embarrassment for girls, and we never learn. I’ve only dated two guys in my life, and NONE of them went on any of my profiles. As in None. They vexed about it, but i refused. How do i explain to people ehn, if something goes wrong. i was told i’m too negative, I used to reply, thank you. You be man, an my market you want spoil abeg o. Girls saying ring ring, engagement means nothing o, you can hear stories for days about broken engagements and engagements that have gone on for years, and nothing happened. Select friends will meet the guy in person, you sha can’t hide him forever, but the gbogbo ero’s ah, sorry. You shall see him, WHEN IV HAS BEEN DISTRIBUTED. Ema binu, una go only hear his name, or hear about him, IF i want you to hear. I can’t be parading the guy as advertisement. Too many women have been burned because of it. Guys, no dey take long to use you as dp, same way you can be replaced just as fast. PDA – public display of affection has turned to SMDA – Social Media display of affection. Your embarrassment will be seen globally, kai. I no fit. It will be so painful to be removing them from all your sites, ah, no o.

    • iamfascinating November 22, 2012 at 9:19 PM

      when he’s ready to settle down,
      http://www.thestunninglady.blogspot.com

    • R November 23, 2012 at 2:44 AM

      lawlllll @ “did it really?”. From what I gather, it doesn’t mean all that till he’s put a ring on it?

      5 weeks to introduce him to the world ke? You better be damn sure about that
      Maybe it’s cuz I’m a private person, I can’t imagine introducing someone to my parents unless I was sure he wanted to marry me, or I’m prepared to field a gazillion questions from my mum.
      I’m also not too comfortable talking about it. Don’t know, maybe it’s cuz I’ve never had the opportunity to say “Hi…, this is my boyfriend…” *lowers eyes to ground*

      Anyways back to rambling…

      Nkem, I feel you on that, don’t ask, even thought that hurts :( I don’t get why a guy would do that, does it mean that he’s not proud enough if you to show you off? He doesn’t care enough about you to let the world know?

      Dami, I love how the guy was willing to travel to meet your folks and pay for you to come meet his. Shows that nothing is an inconvenience for him since he likes you, amazing stuff
      Jennifer, that IS scary! I don’t know how any human can do that to anyone. It’s insulting not just to the lady, but also to your family. and the family members that will be knowingly playing along, just EVIL

      Olam, unbelievable! I feel mothers can be overly interfering at times. You can advice and speak your opinion, but unless you have a string conviction (perhaps, spiritual), you should respect your child’s choice.
      You hear of some parents say “ah my child cannot marry from so and so tribe”, and it’s shocking, talk less of parents being choosy even within tribes. Lord help us

      what I’ve gathered from the comments:
      -a TEST of seriousness could be (not necessarily) “his” willingness to meet your family, your parents?
      -do not buy your way into his family’s heart, however tempting this might be
      -A man who loves you, even if he isn’t ready to marry you because of finances, business plans, education, etc, at least he shouldn’t keep you hanging and waiting
      -there is NO guarantee to progressing from courtship to marriage. Do your bit and trust God to let what’s best happen

    • partyrider November 23, 2012 at 3:29 AM

      Hilarious comments..smh :D

    • lilly November 23, 2012 at 7:07 AM

      unveil ke? This is how i roll….I keep my relationship on a VERY low key. When I mean very low key, i mean i don’t tell people even my friends not to talk about family who i am dating unless i am sure that it might heading somewhere. I am very tight-lipped when in comes down to my personal life especially my relationships. My first love my family(both immediate and extended families) knew we were dating and was serious. In fact everyone were into our relationship. When i sit they will tell him oh “Ada” is sitting, He drinks oh “Obi” is drinking. in fact they were just too nosy. When i moved to US we broke up (which i don’t really want to go into details) but it was a painful one; however after few years we made up and broke up again. My last ex my friends didn’t know i was dating him for almost year although they suspected but they were not sure until few days i was moving to another state. I met his parents and siblings and they were so nice but we broke up months after i moved. So it not about meeting the parents that matters. I have learned from my previous relationships that when you are dating someone let it be low key. The truth is that people are very nosy and want to know was going on in your personal life. My co-workers are always curious who I am dating or who i am going out with because they have never seen any guy coming to my office to pick me up or talking about any guy that i am interested in. And i love the thrill of keeping them guessing and wanting to me more in depth but i keep shut. From experience, even if he puts a ring on my finger I am not unveiling him to my family until we have set the date for our wedding. And as for my friends, i won’t unveil him until i am convinced that our relationship is heading somewhere if it like let it take 2 years who cares?

      • lilly November 23, 2012 at 7:16 AM

        oh and talking about social media please don’t get me started. I have NEVER posted any of my two exs on any social networks. If i can’t even unveil him to my friends until i’m certain where our relationship is heading,why put in on social media eh? Until I’m married then i can put “married” as relationship status. even if i’m in a relationship, i don’t put anything on the relationship status. i just leave it blank shikena. At times menh, we just need to know where to draw the line.

      • omototun November 29, 2012 at 12:38 AM

        Girlie I feel you…but please don’t over-code ooo!! Ever heard of date rape????….call me paranoid but there’s a lot of crazy folks out there….before we go out with any guy, my friends and I trade info on whoever the date is, where he works, even his plate number if possible…don’t want no crazy mofo taking me to his basement and using my skin to make a coat(amongst other things) and no one will even find somebody….too many psychopaths out there. Am very coded as well, but I have friends in my circle that don’t give a hoot how many people we introduce to each other or break-up with so I can easily share info with them….
        please be careful girlie, okay? :D

        • liily November 29, 2012 at 8:40 PM

          Omototun thanks I understand but trust me even before I start dating a guy I have done my own private investigation. And yes oh I’m a P.I…LOL :)
          Thanks for the concern though ;)

    • Radiant November 23, 2012 at 8:07 AM

      The topic should have read: MEETING THE FAMILY= GUARANTEED WALK DOWN THE AISLE???.

      *straight face*

    • Bella November 23, 2012 at 1:03 PM

      Learnt my lesson. Never will I take a guy home until I see a ring. Did that and after a while , less than two weeks oh, the dude started behaving funny. Still dont know what I did wrong.

    • TEE November 23, 2012 at 1:06 PM

      Thanks so much guys, I’ve learnt so much from the comments.

      I need to ask, how soon should you be going to weddings and events with the boo, as in he’s friends wedding and things??? If the guy isn’t taking you to places (friends birthday and things), is that a sign that he isn’t interested??? HELP

      • My 2cents November 23, 2012 at 1:30 PM

        There’s never a rule as to how soon, but if he isnt inviting you at all to those functions, there may be a good reason behind it. He may not have an ulterior motive, so stop imagining things. I dont take Le Boo to events too. He teases me about not letting any guy toast me at the event, and think i’m single. I always show him my left hand and say, bros, i’m not married na, so its open season for any man. Sometimes he gets angry about it, sometimes we laugh about it, but my message is clear. Its a common laugh with us, because when he goes to events alone, i tease him with the same words, and he shows me his left hand. My reasons are, i dont want my friends involved. They were too involved in my last relationship, cos my ex and i have tons of friends in common. This time around, I want to face my man, without whisperings and opinions from lagbaja, tamedo, and all their first cousins.

      • Purpleicious Babe November 28, 2012 at 11:04 PM

        There is no rule… do whatever you are comfortable with (but apply wisdom and learn from other people’s experiences). Remember whatever happens life is a learning process so be sure you are honest with yourself (if make a stupid mistake it cool as long as you learn from it). To be fair going and meeting everyone is creating memories which can be good and bad. o well. Again life is a learning process.xx

    • Oluwaseun November 23, 2012 at 2:04 PM

      As for me oluwaseunfunmi,ko jor menh.I won’t use ur pix.The best I can do for you as a gf is for you to speak with my mum #onmyfone#. Oh! I did the meet the family and dp shit with my ex,it wasn’t sexy at all.To make matters worse he had all my family member’s nos……he called them at will,even when we had issues #wtf# it was soooo annoying,ridiculous and irritating.At some point, it was more like a to-do stuff for him to call my mum.Guys can be funny and twisted though, so If he wants me to meet his people, no biggie but I always have it at the back of my mind that it’s not a guarantee and I won’t go there and be a glorified omo odo #ainthappening#. Moreso, na d guy suppose dey do all d loving not the other way round.

    • Zednani November 23, 2012 at 2:24 PM

      I love this article! Such good subject matter and a very good question.

      I think the longer you can wait the better. Give it at least half a year to see how things develop and how your relationship with “Le Boo” can advance and progress without the added stress of family scrutiny and outside opinions. There is NO rush. If things work out then “Le Boo” will still be present, and if they do not then you can grieve/cry/celebrate/rebound in peace without people harassing you for details or pressuring you on what you should or should not do next. Waiting also saves the problems of comparisons, you do not want your future husband or wife to be standing in the shadow (be it financial, culinary skills, dress sense, looks, etc) of “the one who got away” that your family still sets a place for at the dinner table and still invites to family functions.

    • nwanyi na aga aga November 23, 2012 at 2:49 PM

      3 boyfriends gone in less than 3 yrs none of my friends have ever heard of them as my boyfriends, they are always introduced as friends #straight face#. Dp! Facebook? I dey do advert? No visiting any body abeg. For wetin na? i keep anything dia? My elder sister has asked me why i dont want to be serious and be in a relationship #laughs#,i cant shout, how could i ve explained how i walked away from 3 relationships in 3yrs to her bikonu? Everything is low key for me till bobo meets my father and fixes date, am sorry i dont do engagement rings, i only do weddings cos i dont like answering cross questions like ahn ahn u re engaged? where does he work? who is he?when is the wedding?i love my sanity pls.My co – workers constantly tease me about having a man in my life. But i keep my lips sealed. the only time they will hear about me and a man is when i give them my wedding iv. Biko achorom ogologo akuko.(i dont like long gist)

      • Jatropha November 27, 2012 at 5:36 PM

        What will i say.Just do whatever works for you babe

    • Vashti November 23, 2012 at 4:07 PM

      LMAO…Goodness..can’t remember the last time I had a good laugh!

    • ayaas November 23, 2012 at 4:17 PM

      i wil wait wont go dwn tht sem road again until im sure coz the embarssmnt is jus too much ooo

    • tiznotfunny November 23, 2012 at 4:34 PM

      i have a cousin who was dating this guy for years, their relationship was on and off but they always got back together and for a sometime he was getting really serious with her talking about marriage and all that. everybody i mean from her family down to his knew them together because they grew up together..only for her to find out some weeks later that he was getting married in a few months to another lady..to say she was shattered is an understatement of the century. i was really baffled at the audacity of the guy..so dear ladies, one needs to be careful and apply tact in everything. if i could help it too, i would say on my wedding day. its funny but really it will save one a whole lot of drama

      • olaide December 14, 2012 at 2:07 AM

        All i can say is dat,there is no guarantee formula for relationships transitting to marriage.Wot works for ada might not work for nkechi or iyabo.I have seen guys took a gal home and his family actually quickened him up to get married cos they really like the gal n all.Number of years,putting ring on it,keeping it on a downplay,not wanting to meet families etc does not in anyway guarantee success in relationships as humans, we are is complicated with varying needs,purpose and satisfaction according to time.Deal with whatever comes your way according to peculiarities……..

    • Isima Richards November 23, 2012 at 10:29 PM

      Wow! no matter how you look at it, you just be sure that the guy is for real becasue he might introduce you to his family with a ring on your finger and no wedding will take place. Just be certain that he is a keeper before you introduce him to your family or meet his family

    • bibi November 24, 2012 at 12:42 AM

      From my next relationship,no more flashing le boo on dp and telling friends or family o! I can’t shout cos now I’m rethinking this relationship cos d much celebrated le boo isn’t even paying attention to me as much as required now we’re nt married sef….he tells me ‘he gets bored easily,he prefers its hot sometimes cold sometimes,doesn’t care to even call even when I’m ill, infact d list is endless and he claims his feelings haven’t changed a bit.I think only a selfish person willl do dat n I’m nt prepared tb with a selfish person for life so I’m gonna get out before he even dreams of popping the question.. Lesson learnt

    • kindafunny November 24, 2012 at 1:46 AM

      I had the greatest laff of my life with the comments….Nice article n great question. Thanks a lot people for all the comments based on your experiences. My relationship with my ex ended a year ago and up till now I still blame myself for coding the relationship from families. I thought if I had made moves and met his family members and if he had met mine maybe the relationship would not have ended but from all the comments above I agree that families can’t control the guy on who to marry eventually. S I think I will just stop blaming myself and conclude that he just didn’t love me that much to want to marry me. Although, at some point he was saying we should get families involved but I didn’t answer him because I knew he wasn’t ready to settle down at that moment, so I thought what is the point. So I kept blaming myself for the break-up, thinking if I had knew I would have forced myself to meeting his dad and mum. Well, that is still not a guarantee. Few months after our break-up, I saw pictures of him and his new girl that he left me for at his sister’s wedding, guess she was able to meet the entire family even extended. Now, he calls me every now and then lamenting on how much he is fed up with the relationship but he is stucked because the whole family knows the girl and she is like a family friend to them. He said he will seem unserious if he ends the relationship, now he is tired. Guys should just grow to know what they want so fast, rather than jumping from one girl to another.

      • yiola November 28, 2012 at 10:39 PM

        lmaoooooooooo babe very true

      • Purpleicious Babe November 28, 2012 at 11:11 PM

        WOW for real….. pls do yourself a favour and hit the delete button.. talk about eating your cake and having it and then rubbing it on other peoples face. The lack of respect from the guy is beyond disgusting and I personally think you shouldn’t condone it or entertain it at any level. For your sanity and emotional baggage, CUT HIM off and work on your healing… xoxox JESUS best.

    • nwa November 24, 2012 at 2:05 AM

      There’s huge different between wasting time and waitng patiently! Seriously, no one knows d answer…..days, months, years, to me, do what makes u happy but guide ur heart deligently, apply wisdom and don’t decieve ur self! Above all, pray and make sure u have peace! Don’t assume, be sure. When necessary ask questions and use ur head. Its only God can help, men nor women none is perfect.

    • Lol November 24, 2012 at 2:41 AM

      Lol! Can you guys write something on praying together as a family…what ever differences they may have it should be settled before praying..a family who prays together gets has d lord in their home. I know it not related 2 the topic but as I was reading my open heaven it occurred 2 me that you guys share smoothing like this and it can help soo many people! Even you :)

    • lola November 24, 2012 at 6:57 AM

      Thanks guys, learnt a lot 4m all ur experience, didn’t kno I had bin makin all classic mistakes. God bless u all

    • bonita November 24, 2012 at 6:51 PM

      I am in the same boat with you Bibi. i have been dating my boyfriend for some time and he insisted i change my status on face book and i did. in fact he said i should put engaged when we are not engaged but i refused. blah blah … fast forward now he doesn’t call as often. In fact he is cold towards the relationship. well, to the matter at hand, learnt a lot 4m all your experiences and will judiciously incorporate in my relationships

    • impervious November 27, 2012 at 1:53 PM

      furiously scribbling pages of notes, MAN so much to learn

    • Jatropha November 27, 2012 at 5:28 PM

      @Dami,no ova rejoice yet

    • DAMI November 28, 2012 at 12:46 PM

      offcourse i know, but it sure gives some assurance……and i am hopeful.

    • sisi November 29, 2012 at 1:21 AM

      I met le’boo’s familia,entire Family …trust me he met mine execpt my mum nd Dad I made sure he didn’t get dat close …and I’m glad I did! I was with le boo a day b4 his supposed departure to nigeria for guess what ” HIS WEDDING” how I found out “Facebook & my dearest friends who had questions about his motives from day 1″ … Neway let him put a ring on it FIRST…den introduce to ur siblings bt not to ur parents wen ur ready for introdutcion den YEA…mayb a week to…diff strokes for diff Folks sha…

    • Arike November 29, 2012 at 4:42 AM

      i must say i learnt alot and i also had a good laugh,to y’al that shared your experiences GOD BLESS UNA OO.my sis dated a guy for 9yrs and even after meeting the family it still didnt end well,so meeting the fam don’t mean nothing,its how the guy really feels about u and wht he wants that matters,my own 2cents :D

    • JADE November 29, 2012 at 8:15 AM

      Ive dated my boyfriend for 3 years now and i have only met his friends and he has met the 2 friends i have, ive secretly always wanted to meet his sister or his mom but he has never offered and i have never asked, i invite for a family function and he lied abt being sick or at least i think he lied, but i have learnt a WHOLE LOT from the comments here and im no longer in interested in introducing or being introduced, these stories are scary.:(

    • annie November 29, 2012 at 3:13 PM

      Wow, lovely comments. I’ve learnt so much already!
      I started dating my boyfriend 3 years ago and i met his family shortly after. It has been like marriage since then! He had met my family before we started dating. When he cheated on me (though he said he never slept with the girl), his mum asked me to forgive him and told me to be patient with my ‘oko’ (husband). I forgave him and we moved on but since that time, he’s been flirting with girls on social media; bbm, 2go, facebook and now i’m frustrated. I just found out that he had visited one girl he met on 2go last year and his close friend used to refer to her as his chick. I called of our introduction plans and now his mum is asking to see me. Am i going to continue being patient with him. He wouldn’t let his sisters take such nonsense from any guy. I wish i hadn’t met his family cos it would have been very easy for me to leave the relationship. My mum would also be on my neck cos she likes him. To think that i’ve had a boring social life because i’ve been trying hard to be a faithful and reliable girlfriend :(

      • Alexia November 29, 2012 at 3:40 PM

        RED FLAG!!!! Nne, run

      • liily November 29, 2012 at 9:14 PM

        Annie my dear please run as fast as you can. Please stop listening to his mom that is telling you Nne stay now please be patient. Which patient is she talking about? Even if your name is patience how patient is patience biko nu? Why don’t she talk sense into her son instead of telling you to be patient with him? If his mom were in your shoes or one of her daughters were in your shoes will she tell them to be patient? If you get married to him and there is problem who is going to suffer it? You of course! My dear biko i’m begging you call it off with him. Yes i said break it off with him. Life is too short for all these playing games. If he truly loves you as he claims, he wouldn’t want to hurt you. I know people change but when will that change come? If you don’t put your foot down and break off with him and show him how serious you are, he will continue taking advantage of it. Please you don’t need this drama going on your life.
        (I may come off brash but the truth is bitter. No lady deserves to be treated like this.)

    • Dimma November 29, 2012 at 3:46 PM

      It’s really neither here nor there. You could meet his family & he, urs, yet ur r/ship still hit d rocks; u cld also not meet, and ur r/ship hit d rocks.
      For moi, him & his pop are such good friends that he just has to know who is in his son’s life!
      My take: if u both are good friends, dn nothing stops u from meeting family & friends, for all u know, u’ld see another side of him(God knows i did); but d way u introduce d person matters, saves u from future embarrassment sef, instead of saying meet my nwunye/di/husband/wife/iyawo/oko, wn dr’s no wedding date, just say, ‘meet my very good (or any other endearment) friend’ but always put d ”friend”.
      I’ve met his family, he’s met mine…wedding in progress

    • jumy November 30, 2012 at 10:40 PM

      Social media can negatively affect one’s relationship and career. i’m weary about putting my relationship status nor workplace on facebook and others. It’s really embarassing changing your status from engaged to single. i’ve been bitten several times so i won’t introduce any one to my parents until we’re about getting married. Long relationships isn’t a wise idea especially if it spans into your 30s, a man can meet a girl today and marry her in 2months and would have no knowledge the damage he has done to women. Shit happens but i won’t allow any one pour shit on my face!

    • Motunrayo November 30, 2012 at 10:47 PM

      I think a lot of us take this thing too seriously. A relationship is between two people, regardless of any other external parties that may be aware of it. I dated my ex for 7 years and our families became close, parents attended each other’s events and even exchanged xmas presents. But when we both realized it wasn’t working anymore, we spoke about it and decided to break it off. Over time everybody realized that we had broken up and even though they tried to meddle, we just let them know that they were not there when we both met and it’s all about two people and not them.

      Today our families still greet each other, no bad feelings and we’re both engaged to other people, in fact our weddings are 3 months apart next year. I sincerely do not regret meeting his family because it made our time together great and there was no pretense. So I guess to each his own. I would say that the fact that most relationships nowadays have become like a game of chess is what makes it such a hard thing to navigate, when most guys go into relationships without pure motives.

      My fiance met my mom after 6 weeks of dating and that’s because it’s necessary to carry your folks along. I’m not saying everyone should do this o, cos he’s the 2nd guy I’m ever introducing to my mom and I’ve dated quite a number. I’m just saying that when you meet someone and it feels right, then there shouldn’t be any time limit. And if it doesn’t work, dust yourself up and move along. Skeptics never fully enjoy the benefits of true love.

    • JADE December 3, 2012 at 5:02 PM

      @ Motunrayo, so if u guys break up and u meet anoda guy n introduce and break up and meet another guy, exactly how many guys will you have to introduce before le hubby??? its not cut and dried dear, too many factors at work

    • jyde December 8, 2012 at 8:20 PM

      Its kinna good to see that some women have wised up to lifes realities.Most women here seem to value their dignity and sanity.
      If you dont men will have our cake and take some home to the next baby too.
      Why the hell would you think meeting my folks means anything more than youve just met my folks?
      Its only when they get fed up with meeting women that i guess id seriously have to find a wife and do the right thing.But while im able to search and explore my options id still bring you ome if yo want.
      However im not gonna disrespect your family and meet them.Final.
      That says it all,and if you still allow a man to string you along after refusing to meet your family,then you deep down know we are not serious and shouldnt complain.
      Most women here though know what they want it seems and certain men should keep movin if we no want trouble.
      Remember men are used to getting away with certain liberties and will try it on.Dont blame us if you allowed us to in the first place.
      You shouldnt bring men home until we pledge undying love and show our intentions with a ring.I couldnt look a womans parents in the face knowing i was not serious abt their daughter.Who born me? haba im not that callous.
      As most educated women know what they want i guess times have def changed,we are treated as just another until we show we are ready to settle.So it should be,but its not so,as families dont,cant force us to bring home only one woman.
      Time s are changing and women are making each other wiser it seems.Its getting harder to take some cake home by the day.
      I salute una obirin to ni itiju.

      • Jayne December 12, 2012 at 10:15 PM

        Usually when men leave comments on BN, you want to break their heads, but not this time. I had to show someone else this comment, as we had been waiting for a guy to comment since. Where have you been hiding oooooo Jide. Where? Please pass the message to your male friends, abeg ehn. Do us women a favour, don’t be selfish. All this correct thinking, can’t be resigned to you alone.

        • jyde December 13, 2012 at 4:35 PM

          Hey sis,How now? Just say your mssg.U guessed right,BN is a release.
          Even guyz get tired of second guessin an being dishonest,Im serious,but past ////leave us scared to commit in case we get served.
          Who said its a mans world.Yeah right,even for gidi self women wey read or get money know what they want and dont compromise.
          At this rate im gonna end up catching crocodile for river before woman believe say i love am.
          Bless u.

    • Nouvella Cue December 10, 2012 at 12:35 AM

      Just cldn’t help laffn & nodding my head it’s true O ova dis comments. Been involved in some weddn stuffs dat’s y my comment is coming dis late.
      I can feel u guys pain ova d long term ish, I just survived 1 also. Dated my fiance 4 a gud total of 13yrs, family got 2 know me by d 7th year. My sistas, I nearly went CRAZY. 4 some1 like me who has a soft heart dating a tough, experienced, bubbly guy who’s always everywhere it wasn’t easy.
      I guess I made it easy 4 bros 2 take his time cos I was very shy & was scared of meetn guys cos dere was d probability of me gettn involved. When I saw my guy wit different gals all in d name of “my friends”; he & his pals organising gals 2 accompany dem on their travelling I knew I had 2 step up my game plan or leave entirely
      So, I robbed peter 2 pay paul. Always had a hour-glass shape despite d fact dat I added a lot of weight immediately afta leavn schl SO 1st on my list was lose d weight. I lost a total of 20kg(very difficult & painful process), changed wardrobe, went out, made plenty friends especially with guys, stopped visiting his family & givn my family updates about him, went out 2 parties & stayed out late partying & rarely allocated time 2 spend with him.
      Planned it so wit my gals dat I rarely had a wknd free anymore. All of a sudden, bros wanted my attention; was always trying 2 impress me e.t.c
      2 cut d very very long story short, I got married 2 dis naughty guy who kept me waiting 4 13yrs on d 8th of Dec 2012. I finally got him 2 sit up & pay attention. Wow! It was a long battle

      • Margarita January 28, 2013 at 3:05 PM

        if he doesn’t invite u, believe me he’s not serious. better still, ask him jokingly and see his reaction. if he acts like “y shud u be there?” then, there’s a problem

    • Iphie December 19, 2012 at 7:38 AM

      Oh my! @Shaby. You got me laughing like a big fool.” some have died and new ones have been born and i am still waiting to hear that question”

    • Nene January 9, 2013 at 11:14 AM

      Everything that has an advantage also has a disadvantage. its true dt introducing different guys to your parents isnt a nice thing to do. But also, inviting a third party of higher authority into your relationship also helps. cos u guys wudnt want to do anything dt disregards your parents. jst my thoughts

    • loo January 9, 2013 at 1:43 PM

      *whew* finally finish reading all the comments,,,,,, i have learnt a lot

    • badass January 13, 2013 at 7:19 PM

      Le boo n le family is crap, i dn’t do more than 2yrs in a relship. Buh v got a scar so deep i cn nva show mercy to men again, i did le intro, le pregancy sef join, the sorry ass ws cutting shows. Now m a single mum wit a venom, my current bf hs nva enterd my haus infact if we dn’t do engagement sef no one will meet him, le intro sef gan messes up. Now d baby father is married but wit 3 kids frm 3 ladies.

    • BIODUN January 17, 2013 at 4:37 PM

      Very complicating, i’m a guy, I don’t like corner corner love, and as fate will have it, i have not dated a girl i can’t go to their house. at the same time it is risky to introduce anybody you are not sure of to your people be it a guy/girl.

    • viva January 19, 2013 at 11:49 AM

      Well said. Learnt a lot from y’all. Thanks BN and readers muahh

    • Margarita January 28, 2013 at 3:42 PM

      the kind of mother i av, introduce a boyfriend to her today, and she will start planning a wedding and d names to put on souvenirs tomorrow. and i’ve never been a fan of trying to impress boyfriend’s parents; it’s either they like u or not! women, let men know that there are options or else, u will be taken for granted. my 2 ex’s were alwys thinking “she loves me too much, she can’t leave” well, they were surprised when i did. God will help us all bt we also av to help ourselves and ‘wise’ up

    • pearls January 31, 2013 at 8:50 AM

      nice piece

    • Peachy_mo January 31, 2013 at 10:17 AM

      Phew! I Spent almost 45mns reading and assimilating; thanks all! but its really different strokes for different folks. I have NEVER met any of my exes le’family but its different wit my present le’boo. 9 months into the r/ship Le’boo has meet my entire family but has never been introduced (though my house is second home to him *straight face*) first time I met le’sister was in the hospital (she had a baby) so no story & that was a month into the r/ship 2nd time, child dedication le’me meet entire family (no intro & very timid) Le’sister called me aside ask me “are you wife or gf” I just told her to ask le’boo. Didn’t see her till after about 2 months. We have a cordial r/ship (exchange calls, gives me gift & i reciprocate to her girls) le’papa knows me (I’ve seen him a couple of times but no intro) and is cordial. Talks to his brothers unfortunately le’mama is dead:( So in my case, I’ve informally met le’nuclear family and he has informally met mine.we’re all waiting for la’question (which will likely come as a statement sef). I honestly don’t have any qualms with them & le’boo. His actions speaks his intent and I am most comfortable with him and le’family no pressure or interference and le’sista respects our r/ship as she no dey poke nose! my believe is we girls know/feel our r/ship and can guess where it will lead but we sometimes ignore the signs and our intuition which leads to la’bitterness. We play a major role in the outcome of our r/ship. with prayers and integrity, a r/ship can either pan out as we want to la’marriage or end for the best. Remember…YOLO!

    • Irene October 28, 2013 at 5:27 PM

      Yea I know one year Later but hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahha.

    • Stellamaris January 20, 2014 at 3:56 PM

      Wow wow wow…ds is so gud nd enlightenin ,learnt a whole lot frm ds,jst as ma igbo babe said…guy proposes,i accept, den family tins can follow…wishin all ma single ladies d very best