Aunty Bella: Ms. I Stayed With Him Because I Was A VirginPosted on Tuesday, February 19th, 2013 at 11:54 AM
We got this email this morning and we have provided *Omoh with contact details for counsellors who deal with domestic abuse and rape issues. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.
I am a young girl of 20, and a 300-Level student. In November 2011, things fell apart between my boyfriend and I was madly in love with him at the time and he had denied me in the presence of my friends. I was finding it very hard to move on; I started drinking heavily, I made friends with a neighbor of mine, we stayed in the same hostel off-campus. I started sharing my problems with him and we soon became really close.
One day, one of my friends who came to spend some time with me invited her boyfriend over. I decided to give them little space so I left to my neighbour’s room, after spending some time on returning to my room I realised my friend’s boyfriend had slept off, it was about past 11 pm and a face-off was going on between two rival cults in school making it very risky to move at night. My friend pleaded with me to pass the night at my neighbour’s room because it was early in the semester and other students were not yet in school. So I went back to his room and asked if I could spend the night and he said yes. Later on that night he started acting up trying to touch me, I pleaded and begged him that I could not do it and was still a virgin, but he didn’t listen. I had little or no strength that night because I was drunk as usual, then he forced himself on me.
After the incident he begged me that he was sorry and he never believed that I was saying the truth when I told him I was a virgin; then he started asking me out. I was reluctant at first but I couldn’t speak out, I couldn’t stand how my parents would treat me when they realised I had lost my virginity, especially to rape. I was going to be considered as damaged goods, so I kept it all to myself and concluded that I had nothing else to lose if I dated him, so I did.
In the beginning of the relationship he treated me badly, forcing himself on me whenever he was in the mood; whether I wanted it or not when he had to get down, he had to get down. This continued for some months till he forced himself again on me one afternoon when I was ill, the pain was too much for me that in the struggle I tore his clothes and injured his hands. After he had finished he changed his clothes and travelled leaving me crying on the balcony, he didn’t call for months. I heard so many stories from his room mate telling my friends that he had a girlfriend and I was just a side chick and in fact that I was the one who was throwing advances to him, that I willing agreed to be his bedmate. I was shattered and I tried pulling myself back together only for him to return 3 months later calling and telling me he was sorry and he wanted to be serious with me this time and he was for real.
After many condemnations from my friends I returned to him. Since then he has been caring at least so I thought but one thing still continued; the continuous sexual abuse. It didn’t matter if I was on my period, or I was sick, or even if I was in tears, he would tie my hands and even use the pillow to cover my mouth to prevent people from hearing my voice. When he’s done he becomes sane and he says he is sorry and expects everything to just be fine. Last month, I discovered I was pregnant, my boyfriend took it like a joke asking me to stop being dramatic that it’s a normal thing that girls do all the time. Four days after the abortion even though I was still bleeding, he started demanding for sex. When I refused, he started ranting about how he does things for me and that he gains nothing from me in return. He had his way as usual even after I had told him that it was advisable to desist from sex at this times because my womb was still open and fragile and it could lead to infection.
On Wednesday, he read a chat between a friend of mine and I whom I usually share my private issues with and he accosted me angrily. I tried explaining things to him but he hit me and my lips started bleeding. He ripped off all my clothes, dragged me on the floor to his bathroom in tears, (although this was not the first time it would happen other times he would threaten me with a knife, even though at the end of it all he always says he was joking and didn’t mean it). He washed my body and had sex with me again. After he was done he told me he didn’t see anything wrong in what he had done but that he was sorry though, he has been apologizing since then but at this point I really don’t know what to do. He didn’t even send me a val card, message or even an handkerchief, although he could really be caring at times.
I am quite attractive and I get offers from many other guys outside but I’m scared that they’ll turn out to be worse than he is and maybe they are also just hiding their true intentions. He’s still apologizing and claiming he was under the influence of alcohol and he claims he loves me very much, but I must really say I do not know what to do.
Should I move on? Or should I stay and hope that he’ll change for real this time? Thanks.
Photo Credit: google images
*no real names nor identifying details have been used.
Tags: Aunty Bella