Aunty Bella: Ms. I Stayed With Him Because I Was A Virgin

Posted on Tuesday, February 19th, 2013 at 11:54 AM


Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

We got this email this morning and we have provided *Omoh with contact details for counsellors who deal with domestic abuse and rape issues. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

I am a young girl of 20, and a 300-Level student. In November 2011, things fell apart between my boyfriend and I was madly in love with him at the time and he had denied me in the presence of my friends. I was finding it very hard to move on; I started drinking heavily, I made friends with a neighbor of mine, we stayed in the same hostel off-campus. I started sharing my problems with him and we soon became really close.

One day, one of my friends who came to spend some time with me invited her boyfriend over.  I decided to give them little space so I left to my neighbour’s room, after spending some time on returning to my room I realised my friend’s boyfriend had slept off, it was about past 11 pm and a face-off was going on between two rival cults in school making it very risky to move at night. My friend pleaded with me to pass the night at my neighbour’s room because it was early in the semester and other students were not yet in school. So I went back to his room and asked if I could spend the night and he said yes. Later on that night he started acting up trying to touch me, I pleaded and begged him that I could not do it and was still a virgin, but he didn’t listen. I had little or no strength that night because I was drunk as usual, then he forced himself on me.

After the incident he begged me that he was sorry and he never believed that I was saying the truth when I told him I was a virgin;  then he started asking me out. I was reluctant at first but I couldn’t speak out, I couldn’t stand how my parents would treat me when they realised I had lost my virginity, especially to rape. I was going to be considered as damaged goods, so I kept it all to myself and concluded that I had nothing else to lose if I dated him, so I did.

In the beginning of the relationship he treated me badly, forcing himself on me whenever he was in the mood; whether I wanted it or not when he had to get down, he had to get down. This continued for some months till he forced himself again on me one afternoon when I was ill, the pain was too much for me that in the struggle I tore his clothes and injured his hands. After he had finished he changed his clothes and travelled leaving me crying on the balcony, he didn’t call for months. I heard so many stories from his room mate telling my friends that he had a girlfriend and I was just a side chick and in fact that I was the one who was throwing advances to him, that I willing agreed  to be his bedmate. I was shattered and I tried pulling myself back together only for him to return 3 months later calling and telling me he was sorry and he wanted to be serious with me this time and he was for real.

After many condemnations from my friends I returned to him. Since then he has been caring at least so I thought but one thing still continued; the continuous sexual abuse. It didn’t matter if I was on my period, or I was sick, or even if I was in tears, he would tie my hands and even use the pillow to cover my mouth to prevent people from hearing my voice. When he’s done he becomes sane and he says he is sorry and expects everything to just be fine. Last month, I discovered I was pregnant, my boyfriend took it like a joke asking me to stop being dramatic that it’s a normal thing that girls do all the time. Four days after the abortion even though I was still bleeding, he started demanding for sex. When I refused, he started ranting about how he does things for me and that he gains nothing from me in return. He had his way as usual even after I had told him that it was advisable to desist from sex at this times because my womb was still open and fragile and it could lead to infection.

On Wednesday, he read a chat between  a friend of mine  and I whom I usually share my private issues with and he accosted me angrily.  I tried explaining things to him but he hit me and my lips started bleeding. He ripped off all my clothes, dragged me on the floor to his bathroom in tears, (although this was not the first time it would happen other times he would threaten me with a knife, even though at the end of it all he always says he was joking and didn’t mean it). He washed my body and had sex with me again. After he was done he told me he didn’t see anything wrong in what he had done but that he was sorry though, he has been apologizing since then but at this point I really don’t know what to do. He didn’t even send me a val card, message or even an handkerchief, although he could really be caring at times.

I am quite attractive and I get offers from many other guys outside but I’m scared that they’ll turn out to be worse than he is and maybe they are also just hiding their true intentions. He’s still apologizing and claiming he was under the influence of alcohol and he claims he loves me very much, but I must really say I do not know what to do.

Should I move on? Or should I stay and hope that he’ll change for real this time? Thanks.

Photo Credit: google images

*no real names nor identifying details have been used.

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  • 200 Comments on “Aunty Bella: Ms. I Stayed With Him Because I Was A Virgin”

    • felicity February 19, 2013 at 12:05 PM

      first of all focus on your education and graduate first, ah-ah before you start thinking boyfriend.. and relationship you should know wouldnt last….

      • Leanne February 19, 2013 at 10:48 PM

        My heart bleeds as i read this, sweetheart a guy threatens you with a knife, drags you on the floor. you are not just a side chic, you are also an object that will never be RESPECTED by this ANIMAL. Face your education, get counselling, take a break from men, it hurts to think you are only 20, My prayer is God will restore your soul. God is LOVE

      • Chi March 3, 2013 at 3:10 AM

        Biko. Please. My dear, I can only repeat most people’s sentiments. Take to your heel and get away from this guy o!!! Before it’s too late. A guy who has hurt you so much already is truly a MONSTER. The two of you were never in a REAL relationship. He was just manipulating you from the start. You are worth much more than this and it is truly sad that it happened to you. Just remember your life before you met this guy and know that it can be even better than it was back then. The good news is that you still have your life ahead of you. TAKE A BREAK FROM MEN. Start to love yourself by yourself, pray to God for strength, and let your recovery begin.
        ~Remember Phillipians 4:13~

        • sanyaolu abidemi adebayo March 17, 2013 at 6:38 PM

          i am ready to accept you as my lover,if you are interetsed in me

      • anonymous October 1, 2013 at 10:43 PM

        Run as fast as your legs can carry you. Run and don’t look
        back, forget handkercheif and gift bcos u might not be alive to
        tell the story.

    • Anonymous February 19, 2013 at 12:09 PM

      Sweetheart don’t just move on, run on…

      • floxy February 19, 2013 at 12:33 PM

        Exactly she should runnnnnnnn on. Geez how can a lady have such lo self esteem. You deserve better sweetie. Flee and pray to God to renew and refurbish your life and thinking

      • Mz Socially Awkward... February 19, 2013 at 3:05 PM

        Jayzus… I was reading and wondering how she’s not seeing what everyone can see plainly as sunlight.
        Although @ floxy, you have to also see a clear argument the poor girl has really been sucked into a life of classic abuse syndrome – where the abuser is very loving you one minute, is a complete monster the next and you stop being able to recognize what he/she really is turning you into.

        Yikes, I don’t even know exactly where to start – Omoh, you need to LEAVE HIM! Or else he might kill you one day, and you better trust a man like you’ve described will do it while telling you that he loves you but he doesn’t really think he’s doing anything wrong….

        • Leanne February 19, 2013 at 10:51 PM

          The word LOVE is so ABUSED, he clearly doesnt know the meaning of LOVE.

      • ao February 19, 2013 at 3:27 PM

        Yes, RUN…and also get some counselling in order to heal yourself. This relationship will not get better especially since it started from an evil act: rape. This male person is actually a criminal (rapist) – I cannot call him a man – and one day, he may kill you or injure you so badly that you have physical disability. It may be hard to move on, but just envision yourself a year from now, free from physical and psychological abuse. You will feel better, have greater self-esteem, and a sense of well-being. No one should rob you of your peace of mind. God be with you on your journey to recovery. *Big sisterly hug*

        • molly February 19, 2013 at 4:10 PM

          counselling? where in this country(nigeria)?

      • AMEN February 19, 2013 at 7:29 PM

        yes oo….dont walk, run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Anonymus February 19, 2013 at 12:14 PM

      Please my dear, leave this abusive relationship. He has already put you in a corner. Embrace God and experience freedom and genuine love. Meet some counsellors in the church to renew your mine ok. This really realy hurts and I pray that the good Lord will wipe away your tears. Amen

    • Gbemmy February 19, 2013 at 12:16 PM

      I don’t want to believe this story is real and you are asking if you leave or not .. Life is too short and worth living than to Waste on one useless boy are really too young for all this drama .. But really is this just a story ?

      • Rosemary February 19, 2013 at 2:36 PM


      • nene February 19, 2013 at 6:02 PM

        Gbemmy trust me it is real. this happened/still happens to one of my aunties. the man used to sexually and physically abuse her and they always used to fight, she even has a scar on her head. and the thing is my aunty is still married to this same man (married for 30 years), they have children, and she is a staunch christian, but she has never been happy even till today. i think her husband is bipolar, and you can tell that he had a troubled childhood, just like my aunty also had a troubled childhood. she just married the man and he always apologizes and comes back to her whenever he does anything wrong, even till today. women should leave men who have “issues” because those issues stay with people till death. and try to emancipate yourself from negativity, and be the best person you can be. that’s all.

    • Hilda February 19, 2013 at 12:17 PM

      wat? run!!!!!

    • YummyMummy February 19, 2013 at 12:18 PM

      Dear Omah*

      So sorry about what has happened to you but I would blame you too for allowing such because our decision determines where we would be in life,you need to speak to a counsellor who deals with rape and sexual abuse like BN had already mentioned.

      Do not ever go back to him as he might kill you one day,repent of your sins and ask God for forgiveness,it is a shame you had to loose your virginity in a very terrible manner,I would advise that you abstain from any sexual relationship and discover your self in the process,as a woman you need to be confident and have self worth,No man is doing you a favour by going out with you.

      Know your worth in life and do not have it in mind that men are the same,Never! we still have the few good ones,but the problem is that the good ones won’t find you out if you keep hanging around low life people.

      Delete his phone number,never allow him into your room again,he knows you are weak and takes advantage of you,you have to be strong this time,do not let any man drag you to the ground again,if you start abortion now at 20 years old,how many will you have before you marry?Like we all know,abortion is very wrong,you could damage your womb in the process and that’s a life killed,move on Omah* and have peace with God,this is quite important.

      • brownie February 19, 2013 at 2:19 PM

        If you have nothing better to say, say nothing. The last thing you can do is to blame and condemn a victim! it’s easier said than done for victims to walk out of abusive relationships. Most times they dont even realise they are being abused and even when they do, fear cripples them from moving on. She’s obviously got a lot of issues that will need to be dealt with professionally (counselling, spiritual, physical etc) so there’s no need for the condemnation and blame game! What she needs now is love and support.

        • darkhorse February 20, 2013 at 2:29 PM

          Your head is very correct and your brain is in order!

    • alyce February 19, 2013 at 12:19 PM

      and you had to sit down there cos your scare others outside will be worse? ma dear i feel your pain but you need to let loose and feel the aadventurre if i have to call it that. i wonder how you manage in that kind of relationship cos me for don carry ma slippers for ma shoulder run

    • Onyi February 19, 2013 at 12:21 PM

      This looks like a Super Story cos i cant believe that a beautiful girl dat knows her worth wil stay in a relationship where a man use her as his punching bag and name sex slave. He rapes u at any moment, abused ur body at the slightest excuse, abuse ur self worth and pride and probably u dnt even hv any self confidence in urself again and u hv eventually lost trust in people and u re asking whether u shud leave him…My dear, i ve been there..Bt immediately i noticed the kind of person he is….I RAN and FLEE as far as my legs could carry me, the emotions are still there; i am working on it. So my advice is to RUN…With time, the right people and the right materials…U can regain wat u ve lost (ur self confidence and pride), u will begin to trust and love again.

    • B! February 19, 2013 at 12:22 PM


    • eniola February 19, 2013 at 12:22 PM

      Tragic! I’ll still tag u dumb for staying dis long. It’s painful dat u lost ur virginity to him, yeah, buh can’t u do without a guy? please leave the bastard! What i can decipher from ur story is that u r weak n too afraid of being alone. Get yourself to know that n den decide on what kind of life u wanna live. Get a new life

    • natty February 19, 2013 at 12:22 PM

      you’ll never know if you don’t leave, this guy is a sick deranged monster, infact i can’t find the right adjectives to qualify him. Better leave him if you love yourself

    • Boladale February 19, 2013 at 12:25 PM

      You are a fool, stay there, let me tell you this guy has nothing to offer you, I mean NOTHING. Get out now, run fast, as fast as your leg can carry you.

    • MEG February 19, 2013 at 12:28 PM

      A reasponsible guy would never lay his hand on a loving girlfriend not to talk of forcefully having sex with her anytime he wants,why not stay away from an abuse relationship and focus on your education first.

    • molly February 19, 2013 at 12:29 PM

      hmmn i reserve my comment

    • T February 19, 2013 at 12:31 PM

      MOVE ON! Forget this dude he will just keep on damaging you. And not all men are like that I promise. This one is just a rapist, my gosh! Darling no matter what, virgin or not, you are still an amazing human being, and whoever your soulmate is, he will love you regardless. Just make sure you forgive Urself I’m sure God has already forgiven u if you’ve asked.

    • amaka echemunor February 19, 2013 at 12:32 PM

      my dear young girl stay where? you must be JOKING! Please i beg of you move on with your life,you are young and have the whole world ahead of you.Take time out and heal and seek a counsellor AND please move on. Forget HIM cos i can assure you He will Never Change.

    • Cindylee February 19, 2013 at 12:32 PM

      Huh? Wetin be this? What sort of battered low self esteem is this? Are girls really this silly? Re-read what you just sent and you would advise yourself! Better run for your life before he finishes the little self worth you have left! Gosh! Mothers, we really have a lot to do bringing up our daughters.

    • Em February 19, 2013 at 12:35 PM

      Girl run for ur life… Know ur worth now… Men r nt all the same

    • Jules February 19, 2013 at 12:37 PM

      are u seriously asking whether to move on??? u better run!!!

    • uniqueaffairz February 19, 2013 at 12:38 PM

      *smh… people lyk dis still exist? Is he usin jazz on u? Comeon getout of dere b4 i even swear for u mschewww…..r u a learner?

    • Roxanne February 19, 2013 at 12:38 PM

      RUN ooo!!!!! My dear, find your square root! Did you ask whether you should move on????? We should be talking MOVEDDDD on noni! Hope ko! Faith ni. There are better guys out there wishing and waiting to treat you like the queen that you are. Virgin or no virgin. What nonsense! If you stay, you will end up with that womb infection that he looks to be so willing to give you. FLY far away!!

    • Sam February 19, 2013 at 12:40 PM

      Ur not the first to experience something like this.
      Soon, you’ll realize that he will never change, all the I love you is just to brainwash you and keep you under his control
      So you had better run for ur life before he kills you and if possible, report to the police

    • B! February 19, 2013 at 12:43 PM

      Now I have calmed down I can think properly.

      Okay. The simple answer to your question is no, you should NOT go back to him.
      I know that this sounds extremely harsh but your staying with him is not going to bring your virginity back. It’s not going to change the fact that he raped you. I think the reason why you’ve stayed with him is because you’re still in a state of shock where you expect everything to go back to the way things were before. This isn’t a dream. This is reality and I wish I could strangle that son of a whore with my bare hands. That man in your life is a psycho. He has tried his best to ruin you but he will only succeed if you LET him. Don’t give him that chance. He has no right to still be walking around living, breathing, eating like a parasite, feeding off you the way he is? What happened on that first night was not your fault. You told him you didn’t want sex and he went ahead and did it anyway? Darling, that’s called rape. And you KNOW this. If you stay with him it will be the end of you.
      Aside from that I hope we can all see that this is what happens when parents are so stern with their children that the children feel that they can’t tell them anything. This poor girl couldn’t even tell her parents that she had been raped because she mistakenly saw herself as damaged goods. You are NOT. Please believe me, rape is NEVER the victim’s fault. Your being drunk , or in his room will not justify anything. He was a friend and he took advantage of your trust. I feel really terrible. May God preserve us from such men.

    • moi February 19, 2013 at 12:43 PM

      at 20, abeg focus on ur education

    • Blossom February 19, 2013 at 12:44 PM

      You are still asking JAMB question? *hissssssssssss

    • Extraordinary February 19, 2013 at 12:45 PM

      You have given more than any human being has to give to another,please move on.

    • Peachy_mo February 19, 2013 at 12:47 PM

      Raining abuses on you will only reduce your self worth but as you’ve been advised by all, take a bow and leave graciously (yes you can still do that). At this stage, you should be able to figure out somethings except if you are the one lying to yourself. I hope the counselling can help you otherwise it will be a waste if you aren’t ready to help yourself. May God be with you my dear…

    • sabrina February 19, 2013 at 12:47 PM

      my dear u need serious counselling. if you can get in touch with a good counsellor, please do. this is a serious psychological issue and it’ll take the help of an experienced counsellor to overcome. im so sorry you have to go through all this. no girl should have to go through half of what you are going through

    • FlyHijabi February 19, 2013 at 12:48 PM

      Whew! This doesn’t sound real but what do I know? Young lady,you said he goes back to abusing you after apologizing yet you want to know if you should stay? My dear,run while you can still breathe and stay off boys for now because you obviously don’t know your rights as a woman yet. Love is a beautiful and healthy feeling. It’s not abusive,obsessive or crazy. Get a grip on yourself,grow up and make the most of your youth. Your attractiveness can only help you if you’re smart and use it wisely. What you should even be using now is your brains and not your looks! You’re in school to get an education not to get laid and beaten up by some psycho who may eventually kill you. Look for healing,build yourself up morally and love the woman that you are. If you don’t love yourself,no one will! We don’t want to read another story of how a girl was killed by her boyfriend.

    • EMMY GIRL February 19, 2013 at 12:50 PM

      abeg pik race o

    • Toinlicious February 19, 2013 at 12:50 PM


    • popson February 19, 2013 at 12:52 PM

      It is unfortunate bt u ‘ve leanrt a lession dt guy is a devil one day he ‘ll kill u nd run away. Confess ur sin nd seek for forgiveness nd neva go to dt scene.May d Lord be with u!

    • ifybabe February 19, 2013 at 12:54 PM

      r u insane? did u just ask if u can stay n hope for the better? once beaten twice shine dear. pls end it now dat ur face is still intact, or else u gat money for a facelift.

    • dimma1 February 19, 2013 at 12:54 PM

      Bikonu what have i just read??? babe i beg you in the name of God who made heaven and earth, leave that anu mpama!

    • Cindylee February 19, 2013 at 12:57 PM

      Again, although I find it hard to believe this story, WHAT!!!!!, let me say that you need to see a counselor. A good one at that. You aint damaged goods, you would meet someone that will love you and care for you. Then run for your life, delete his number from your phone and head. Stop all manner of communication with him and if you are told he is coming one way, go the other until you fully recover and get yourself! Kai, people dey suffer.

    • Hafsah February 19, 2013 at 12:58 PM

      Leave him!!!!! I believe his acts would be considered as assault, so if he approaches you again, tell your parents or the police.

    • Gracie February 19, 2013 at 12:59 PM

      What? Is this reality? Wake me up.

      • Let it Be.... February 19, 2013 at 10:25 PM

        Am telling you!! Am I dreaming or what?? Am like are these peeps Nigerians??!! Even oyinbo peeps that do these craziness are usually hooked on drugs….but seeing as they are Naija…Homeboy is possessed by the devil himself…not evil spirits oh…DEVIL!!!
        Can’t get over…”….he dragged me to the bathroom, washed my body and had sex with me again..”….haaaa!!

    • Ify (lfp) February 19, 2013 at 1:01 PM

      My dear if you are writing, I beleive you already know what to do

    • Olori February 19, 2013 at 1:04 PM

      A part of me does not want to believe this story is real. If a young lady can articulate her experiences in this way, I’m shocked that she doesn’t know this relationship is bad for her. This is the stuff that nightmares are made of!
      You certainly don’t want to be the next casualty of ‘romance’ gone bad. You have lost your pearls already. Why lose your mind, future and life with it. This young man clearly has no future to offer you, other than a life of perpetual fear and anguish. You deserve better. Run and don’t look back girl- and trust me, your family will be glad you didn’t stay there till he killed you. Besides, Christ will take you back no matter what.
      Go to Jesus and He will make you whole.

    • ChomzyK February 19, 2013 at 1:06 PM

      Tell your parents what is going on with you. Or else you will definitely end up dead.
      your choice.

    • B! February 19, 2013 at 1:08 PM

      That’s a very sick thing to say. Are you insane? You should never say things like that. She needs help. You don’t seem to understand that not everyone knows what physical or emotional abuse is. In her case she clearly doesn’t know about any of these things. You know because you’ve probably read about it or watched it somewhere. Some children have been so shielded from everything bad that they don’t realize when something terrible is happening to them. Everyone is raining fire and brimstone on her and guess what it won’t help. That is not what gets people out of abusive relationships. And to all the other people calling the victim a fool you should be ashamed of yourselves. Don’t you think she has gone and suffered enough? By now she knows that she should left but what she lacks is the emotional strength and that’s why she’s asking us on this site. What is happening to her could be anyone of us. You calling her a fool is just making it worse!

      • Bleed blue February 19, 2013 at 1:48 PM

        B! God bless you! I’m so tired of these sanctimonious humbugs in our midst swearing that any abuse victim must be a “fool”, “dummy”, “mumu” or whatever. Please don’t judge someone because their weakness is different from yours.

        Dear Omoh, Please find strength from somewhere…your faith, your family, good friends, a professional, the advice on this blog even….just please sweetie find that strength and run for your life. It’s only a matter of time before this sick boyfriend of yours commits a more serious crime on you. He needs help, but more importantly, so do you.
        Keep your head up dear, no human being deserves this. Hugs hugs and more hugs!

      • B! February 20, 2013 at 4:05 PM

        The above comment was a reply to someone who said the victim must still be enjoying the abuse and that’s why she’s staying. That comment doesn’t seem to be here anymore… anyhow what I said still stands. One should never say things like that.

    • E February 19, 2013 at 1:11 PM

      So sad that a number of girls suffer from low self esteem, please run or u will put urself in a worse situation. No man is worth that kind of pain. A good man who will love u for u will come long if u will only dust urself and move on… I’m saying this from my own experience.

    • dee one February 19, 2013 at 1:17 PM

      My candid advice RUN and never look back, that guy is dangerous. If you remain with him, my dear you won’t be alive to tell anymore stories. Even if he comes begging you with a continent DO NOT take him back. And for your safety don’t end things with him physically call him over the phone and end it (he doesn’t deserve more than that) and while you are at it go get a proper medical check-up. I suggest you tell your parents so you can get proper help or at least an adult you trust like an aunt. (No sane parent wil have the time to think of you as “damaged goods” rather they will be grateful to have you alive and will concentrate on nursing you back to health both physically and mentally).
      Finally not all guys are like this, it’s quite unfortunate that you have been unlucky with these two, whenever you feel up to it give someone else a chance and pls don’t use your experience to judge other guys in future relationships it will ruin your chances at happiness. Goodluck with your future.

    • Ediri February 19, 2013 at 1:26 PM

      My dear you deserve better than that. He certainly knows how to play on your emotions and takes you for granted. Please you are worth fighting for and worth loving. There is someone out there for you who would treat you like an egg. Please move on with your life. Let god piece back the broken aspect of you.

    • tee February 19, 2013 at 1:33 PM

      sweetheart, what you have experienced is tragic and no-one should ever have 2 go through this kind of abuse…EVER! This man has not just raped your body, he has raped ur spirit and soul…get out, get help and stay far away from this monster! If you do not find the strength you need to live and leave dis animal, he will claim your life! i hope u can look back on this one day and thank God u made it through… As 4 all d foul mouthed and callous individuals calling her names and spewing garbage, clap 4 urselves…u have done well…mtscheew! ‘To him who brain is given, sense is expected”….Nuff said!

      • Annie February 19, 2013 at 3:41 PM

        thank u joor, until u experience abuse u cannot but say rubbish….

    • dominique February 19, 2013 at 1:37 PM

      Ha so it’s ok to rape someone if the person isn’t a virgin?Some men act as if they have rabbis or something. As for the girl she’s just silly and doesn’t love herself.smh.My dear you better run

    • Retrochic February 19, 2013 at 1:38 PM

      is this geh for real?

    • A February 19, 2013 at 1:47 PM

      Hmmmmmm…..please leave *sad face* am talking from experience even though mine wasn’t rape or sex but you mentioned he hits u. My dear you need to run , a guy that hit and later comes apologizing is not human, you need to be strong for yourself, it is not gonna be easy but you need to be strong…God help you

    • Bleed blue February 19, 2013 at 1:50 PM

      Interesting…you preach Jesus to her and in the same breath you call her stupid…now who needs Jesus?

    • Tosin February 19, 2013 at 1:55 PM

      Hi dear, his gonna kill you one day if you don’t move on! Move on and don’t look back concentrate on being a better woman,face ur studies and work hard, also, as a young lady, know your worth, you deserve better.. the man who will Love you for you will find his way to you at the right time. if he try to threaten you,report him and get him locked up , he must pay for it the pain he made go thru

    • jyde February 19, 2013 at 1:56 PM

      All this does is belittle the numerous victims of sexual abuse and botched terminations.
      BELLA BELLA,rather than patronise vunerable women with daft stories like these,might i suggest a writer spend a day in a clinic with such victims,and then write a better piece.
      This will better engage the real victims who languish,traumatised,unadvised and damaged for life.Many who will never recover completely without proper care or advice.
      Please dont let this potential outlet for victims sink into a tabloid like arena.
      The reality of the story is not a pretty sight,but you women owe it to each other to keep it real,and not deviate from the reality of the issues,no matter how painful they might be.

      • Atoke February 19, 2013 at 2:01 PM

        Hi Jyde! Thank you for your kind words. We’re always open to potential contributors. If you know any writer who will do as you’ve suggested, please have them send an email to the BN Features team via features (at) bellanaija (dot) com.

        Thank you.

        • jyde February 19, 2013 at 4:54 PM

          Hi sis,as instructed,have sent relevant details to contact.Kindly search and end this poor girls torment.Godbless.

    • impervious February 19, 2013 at 1:57 PM

      I read this and my first response was BLOODY HELL! Young lady, change university and start again with your life. And while you are at it, please go to a doctor and get checked out for STDs and HIV. You will probably need counseling as well at the very least. And let’s not talk about prayer, LOTS AND LOTS OF PRAYER!

    • Moi February 19, 2013 at 1:59 PM

      Dear lost girl, I call you lost cause I think you are. My heart really goes out to you. I know what it is to be held spellbound by the very thing that is destroying you. I feel your pain, and your strenght. But you don’t need my pity. You may not believe it but you are very strong. That’s why you are still sane, that’s why you have a story to tell. Otherwise, you should have lost all sanity as your dignity was shred right before your eyes. The good news is, you have a chance to build up all that has been broken. The first step is to run, run from him. Move out, take a break from school, change schools, whatever you have to do, just run. Then get a support system. Start with God. He loves you. Then a listnening ear, someone older and wiser that you can confide in. You will find your strenght again, I am most certain of it. You have made not too wise choices for yourself so far, it’s not too late to make the right ones. And I think your cry for help is the first.
      You will be in my prayers.

    • Alero February 19, 2013 at 2:02 PM

      Sometimes the way we render our advise is so terrible aaarrrghhh!!!!…Lets assume Omoh is a close friend who has decided to confide in u and pour her heart out to u, would u refer to her as DUMB, LOW SELF ESTEEM,etc as some of u have tagged her? Please, please & please , Omoh might as well be reading your comments; and u condemning her even before your so called advise is so wrong.

      That said, Omoh , this may be difficult but please take a bold step and leave; but that should be after u have gone on your knees, begging God for forgiveness and giving u the strength to move on. Indeed you cant do this all by yourself . You need the grace of God to pull through. I pray u would look back several years from now and say : “Thank God I took that bold step”. Love u loads.

      • Alero February 19, 2013 at 2:18 PM

        Ooh! I forgot to add, please move out of that accommodation ASAP. If possible move to an accommodation on campus where u have lot of prying eyes.

    • God loves u more February 19, 2013 at 2:04 PM

      run!!!!!!!!!! he does not love you..he is possessed……. what you need now is GOD. I wld advise that u see a PASTOR or an ELDERLY ,WISE PERSON who loves you to advie you.There are other God ferring men out there who will treat you right.

    • Benson February 19, 2013 at 2:04 PM

      Obviously,she is inexperienced.Where did you grow up?Now wey babes wise up we still have this kind people around na wao.Girls that are not up to even 15 years are very wise now.If you were wise and having realized that u were rape you lunch a report at the appropriate quarters before you pick race from the guy.The guy is not even suppose to see your pant for the second time i think you like boys and u want to experiment if not want is this?In this 21st century that every body knows what ups.I agreed with one of the writer that said you must be a dull person in the class.And for me i think you should be living in a DULLSVILLE.I think what you should do is to sort through the responses and make use of it.I wish Good luck and always remember that not all means well,shine your eyes.

    • Renta-a-Ghost February 19, 2013 at 2:09 PM

      @FlyHijabi @Cindylee @Olori the fact that it did not happen to you doesn’t mean it’s not real. I was once in an abusive rlationship though the guy was all cream&milk when we started. Couldn’t leave because he was extremely dangerous/possessive/jealous. 11 months into the rel, i braved the odds and left. 4 months after,this guy arranged and had me beaten up, raped and almost killed and no one knew where I was- he had my phones. He later said that he still loved me and all and wanted me back- he wasn’t even sorry o; of course, i pretended to agree but I walked out without as much as a backward glance.Thank God I got out with my life.Deleted him from my phone,FB, yahoo Messenger. Fast forward, 3 years later, He apologized for all he did and wants to be friends,me ke? My mama didn’t birth a fool. He’s married now but he cheats on his wife openly and even beats her up but me, i’m really enjoying my singleness knowing that when it’s time, my man will come without all d drama and darkness.
      @the lady in the write up: run faster than u can imagine. change ur residence if possible, avoid meeting with him alone, don’t visit him sef and face ur studies. In due time, someone’ll come along who will value you and treat you as the jewel that you are.

    • ose February 19, 2013 at 2:11 PM

      Is this for real? Pls dear run away u are too young for all of this. Run away as fast as you can. U deserve soo much more. That boy is just crazy. There is no future whith that boy. Run as far away from that boy as you can. Don’t ever let him touch you again. Plssssssss

    • iceey February 19, 2013 at 2:11 PM

      I respect the fact that people are entitled to their opinions but aren’t you all being too harsh?
      Dearie, love is an action and so is an apology; “action speaks louder than words”. This fellow does not love you neither is he sorry for anything he has done to you. His actions clearly show this. He’s never going to stop and truly I fear for your life. He is highly abusive and you need to run. He has abused you verbally,emotionally, sexually and physically.
      I implore you, severe all ties with him. He’s eaten deep into your self esteem and taken away a large chunk of it for you to even still ask if you should stay or leave. Forget about offers from other guys for now and please save yourself. You’ll need some time to focus on yourself before considering offers from other guys.
      It’ll take some time for you to heal after you leave him but first you must find the strength to leave him. Please face reality,HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU,HE’S NOT SORRY . He keeps coming back because you’re a willing victim. Please look beyond his superficial care,it’s all an act to make you stay so he can continue abusing you
      Please change apartments, stop going to his room,delete his number. GET AWAY FROM HIM FAST!

    • julit February 19, 2013 at 2:12 PM

      my dear. you can stay there. as you can see, i am sure you’ve gained so much from the relationship ranging from gifts to bruises…..and possibly some form of infection. You may have been scarred for life, you need renovation and prayers

    • Caligula February 19, 2013 at 2:14 PM

      Had to re-read this story… It’s gotta be a joke, this is too far fetched to be real

    • Ema February 19, 2013 at 2:26 PM

      Pls y did u stay dis long wit him. U shldnt v done so. Bt nw is nt late. Move on wit ur lyf or wait 4 him to murder u.

    • Tosin February 19, 2013 at 2:30 PM

      Dear Omoh,

      The first step to getting over something is admitting there is a problem and speaking out for help.

      Remember that you are 100% loved by God regardless of what you did or have done. You should not think less of yourself in anyway. Yes, you have lost your virginity but you should not lose your life too, that will be a very grave mistake. You owe it to yourself to love you and I want you to know your actions so far point to the contrary. The first thing I will advise you to do is cut ALL ties with that guy and any guy in particular for now. You are not in the right frame of mind to be near a guy so you don’t allow a repeat occurrence.

      I am going to go spiritual on you now, you need to ask God to come into your life and let Him direct your affairs in all way. You are God’s child and you’ve made a mistake. Move on from it! Your losing your virginity does not stand in the way of the bright future God has planned for you. Just pick yourself up, dust off these events, commit your heart to God, attend a Bible believing church, focus on your education and make something great out of life.

      Borrowing a line from the movie, ‘The Help” and adding my bit; You is smart, You is beautiful, You is important. Don’t ever forget that!!!

      • B! February 20, 2013 at 4:24 PM

        The last sentence made me want to cry. Yours is probably the sweetest comment on here right now.

    • brownie February 19, 2013 at 2:32 PM

      I don’t know what is more shocking to me here – this story or the callousness of people’s comments! My goodness! Talk about pouring salt on an open wound with these heartless comments. Do all you of smart asses not realise she knows she needs help. The fact that she sent this letter to Bella Naija is quite clearly a cry for help and instead of you all showing some love and support, you further degrade her by insulting her! I’m seriously disgusted and sickened by some responses here!

      To the girl who wrote this letter – sweetie if you read this, you need to know that absolutely NONE of what happened was/is your fault. You are the victim here! This guy isn’t your friend because a good friend does not hurt someone they supposedly love. If you get the chance, please check out this link and educate yourself on the behavioural traits of abusers. You need to come to the realisation for yourself that you are worth more than this kind of treatment. I don’t know you but I know that you are a beautiful daughter of the King who is loved preciously by God and His heart must break to see you suffering so much.

      Please for the sake of your life and your future, get help. Tell everyone you can about what has happened to you. I know you may be afraid of the condemnation and judgments from people but at this point you’re fighting for your life so it is better than staying in a relationship that will destroy you. Ultimately if you’ve got good people around you, there will be people there to help you get away from this guy and rebuild your life.

      There are good men out there and when the time is right, you’ll find a good one. But right now, your greatest concern should be for your life and getting some help. You’re still very young and you’ve got your whole life ahead of you to look forward to.

      Will be praying for you! Wish I could do more.x

    • YVONNE February 19, 2013 at 2:41 PM

      These things happen,especially when you’re in the university. We share similar stories but omoh I moved on 2 months after the rape. I still can’t tell my folks or even close sibling. Good guys are out there,you’ll definitely meet one, so just take a long walk.

    • Berry Dakara February 19, 2013 at 2:42 PM

      This isn’t real is it?

      If it is, STOP THE MADNESS AND RUN!!!

    • Dexter February 19, 2013 at 2:45 PM

      Sincerely i have never commented before on this blog but what i have just read is unbelievable.First and foremost,this rapist/murderer of the future deserves to be arrested and persecuted under any charge possible and as for the narrator,If you don’t RUN,then get ready to face even graver consequences because this monstrous man will never change.

    • Cathy February 19, 2013 at 2:48 PM

      Honey, once an abusive man always an abusive man, u shouldn’t even consider sticking around to know whether he changes or not cos its obvious he’s very sick & needs help. U are better off single rather than with someone who treats u like a sex slave. Face ur studies u hv a whole lot of time to date before u settle down & yes there are good guys out there if only u give them a chance. I sincerly hope u have learnt a lesson & pray u heal from this horrible experience. Stay strong dear.

    • Chic February 19, 2013 at 2:53 PM

      Where is this girls family? If she is afraid to talk to her parents and that brings me to another point parents especially mothers please raise your children such that they can come to you with ANY problems they are having especially your daughters do not raise your expectations of them so high such that they are afraid to talk to you when facing such issues because they think they have failed you or that you will be dissapointed in them. Omoh is ther no female relative you trust and can talk to about this? If the friend she confides in is reading this please let some one know this girl may die in the hands of this brute. She is still young and easily influenced someone much older needs to take charge of this situation. If this was my sister and she told me the first thing I would is to arrange for some are boys to beat this fool up so he can feel the pain he inflicted on her I am not even kidding you guys. He wouldn’t even know she was the reason behind his beating for fear of retaliation it would be like a mugging or something. Omoh you need to talk to someone and do it NOW my dear women have died in the hands of men like this you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Run darling run as fast as you can away from this man and talk to someone he needs to pay for his actions

    • Chic February 19, 2013 at 3:03 PM

      BellaNaija by publishing such stories I believe you have a social responsibility to follow up on these cases if you don’t already. It would be a shame to read a post title ” Remember Omoh? BN brought you this sad story a few weeks ago we are sad to report that she was tragically XYZD by her boyfriend” on here. God forbid bad thing happen to that girl!!! BN I believe a foundation is in order at this stage of your blog even if it means working in conjunction with already existing foundations that can support these cases and following through. Not just publishing and providing contacts and hoping she uses them.

    • bumcy February 19, 2013 at 3:06 PM

      Omg I believe dis story cos just this mornin my frnd was tellin me abt her terrible ex(can’t go in2 d details but trust me its bad) n hestill hasn’t changed.Guys like dat jst dnt change…they neva do!
      First of all….u need 2 move out of dat hostel far away frm him so u can heal n be in d midst of actual human(s).lose his number(I hpe u dnt knw it by heart) n evrythng dat has 2 do with him(u dnt wanna go back there)seek help,talk 2 ur mum trust her enough to…u nid 2 4get u need closure,cos wen it hapnd 2 my sista like ur story she didn’t tell nobody(she was raped n she jst tld me lastyr afta like 5yrs she shd v trusted me enuf 2 tell me bout it)wat ma. Its neva ok 2 be in dat kinda relatnship…NEVER. Concentrate on ur studies n @ d same time enjoy life,u r not damaged in any way dear be wise in ur dealings n be sure 2 knw dat ur prince charming will turn up wen u least xpect strong.

    • esti-li February 19, 2013 at 3:09 PM

      Run from him he is abusing you even he himself needs help jst focus on ur studies God wil ci u thrgh there are better men out there jst bi calm and collected write all d tinz u dnt lyk abt hm nd bi readin dem evryday resist hm evn if he cums beggin make sure u ar nt a victim again

    • ED February 19, 2013 at 3:10 PM

      I didn’t really have the time to read all these comments but I must say is this girl for real? U keep going back to someone who has been abusing u sexually, emotionally and physically, i do not mean to be harsh but u definately do not regard yourself, so why should he regard u? U’ve even had an abortion and u’r asking strangers if u should stay with him? u need serious help and only u can decide that enough is enough. He’s a sick guy and if u still cannot see that then there’s nothing anyone can do for u.. U better run as fast as u can…away frm him.

    • lolly February 19, 2013 at 3:19 PM

      sweety let me tell you, i don`t know what gospel you`ve been listening to, but i want you to know that there are men out there who treat women like queens, leave the bastard, come close to the Lord, get ur life together and that good guy is around the corner, a man who hits you doesn`t love you in any way, when you love a person, you don`t inflict any sort of pain on them.

    • sedkt February 19, 2013 at 3:22 PM

      Run faster thean Usain bolt. First of all ask your self where this relationship might end up….in the mortuary. This kind of man can rape your child (yes his own child) and househalp or your sister if you marry him. If you travel abroad with him… U.S.A and he rapes he would end up life in prison. look into the future what do you see. As this is your so called first reationship with a man……sorry my dear but your are not in a relationship…………you are being used and abused. Move on fast. concentrate on your studies, keep your legs close, get help!!!

    • belinda February 19, 2013 at 3:42 PM

      Dearie, u dnt need a soothsayer to advice you. please get closer to God and stay far away from that guy before he ruins your life and concertrate on your education. the good will see u through av faith.

    • Annie February 19, 2013 at 3:42 PM

      thank u joor, until u experience abuse u cannot but say rubbish….

    • Just saying... February 19, 2013 at 3:46 PM

      ls she still asking ‘if she should move on’?
      Nawa o, for her to ask such a question shows she needs help…
      Thank God BN has given her some helps details.
      May God come to your rescue…

    • ktemi February 19, 2013 at 3:46 PM

      Thanks B & Brownie and the other non-judgemental folks…….As a people, we really do need to work on our attitudes and I think for sensitive cases like this, Bella Naija should delete all these harsh comments. We r so good at removing the speck in others’ eyes when we don’t remove the beams in our own eyes
      For example, Gbemmy what is the point of telling her she shouldn’t have slept in his room, will that bring back her virginity? That will only make her feel worse. We should tell the truth IN LOVE not criticize or condemn people. Abusive relationships are very difficult things, the strongest person can go into them and struggle to come out especially if they have been abused emotionally/physically and feel they are not worth much again.

      Omoh, pls ignore all the people who condemn….Jesus doesn’t condemn you. And he really cares about you, The bible said you are wonderfully and beautifully made. I’ll encourage you to meditate on Psalm 139 and start saying it to yourself. Don’t believe the devil’s lies….
      1st of all, please do go and see one of those counsellors and avoid the guy till you do so. I’ll advise you against giving him any answer till you do so as I’m afraid he is a very violent and possessive man and men like these do not know how to let go and he can try to attack you. So see these people first, I believe as they are recommended by BN, they’ll be very good and professional and they can advise you on avoiding him. I believe you should move far away from him if possible and not even tell your friends where you are for some time, and then break off with him by email…don’t ever meet up with him (this is for your safety).
      2nd, find a bible-believing church. God is waiting to heal your heart and restore your self esteem. Not all churches are SU, I wouldn’t advise you to open up to everyone as not everyone has the maturity to give you good advice or encourage you as u’ve seen from these posts. If you can for now, keep it between you and the counsellor and a close friend. Some friends will just start gossiping about you.
      3rd, tell your parents if you feel that they will support you but if you need to move (and you do!!) and can’t find someone to move in with and need funds, then tell them anyway cuz your security is more important….they might be harsh and say awful things, just close your mind to it and ask God for strength and grace to forgive and remember they’re just hurt on your behalf. Before you tell them, you can pray for wisdom or if you can’t tell them ,if there’s an aunt who you trust, you can tell her

      4th. You do not need a boy to be complete. I’ll say to focus on yourself and your healing for now…get to know who u are in Christ, learn to appreciate yourself and discover your self worth. No boy will teach u this and if you don’t learn this, you will always be attracted to boys who don’t appreciate your self worth (as you won’t have discovered it) and the story will just get worse. But once u’ve learnt to forgive yourself, forgive him (u will need to to move on and not be resentful-doesn’t mean u get back with him or become best friends), discover ur self worth, then u will meet the right guy my dear. Boys r not the be-all and end-all. There’s more to life than them

      Also, if you can take time off from school so u can focus on rebuilding yourself. I’m sure your studies would have struggled for now

      & lastly, PLEASE DO NOT GO BACK to him, there are cases of men killing their partners, most recent being this Reeva and Oscar ( of course I do not know the full details but the rumours suggest it)..Please don’t become another number

      • Tincan February 19, 2013 at 4:10 PM

        Thank you. My concern is that this young lady probably feels she cannot leave her University after getting so far. I wonder what if she’ll be able to report him to the Police, just to ensure that he leaves her alone to complete her studies.

        Omoh, if you are too afraid to talk to your parents, is there any older relative that can help you out? Or that you could live with whilst you end this relationship? At the very least, talk to a counsellor and get help. I am so sorry you’ve had to experience this. What a beast? May God be with you.

      • jcsgrl February 19, 2013 at 8:56 PM

        God bless you real good for your comment as this is the only one that has made sense on this post.
        Omoh please scroll and do as read. God be with you!

      • Cee February 19, 2013 at 9:15 PM

        Well said ktemi!

    • creamy February 19, 2013 at 3:47 PM

      hmmmm 1st get a counsellor or professional help, then because u lost your virginity does not make u damaged goods get that straight it meant alot to u and u lost it in a horrible way yet its not enough for u to have endured such physical and emotional abuse. time heals all wounds focus on God yourself and your studies. don’t listen to his begging once beaten they say twice shy. i pray God sees you through this. Also stay away from alcohol,life is too precious to be wasted especially on scum bags like him. don’t ever look down on yourself,just take it one day at a time.

    • Fashionbomber February 19, 2013 at 3:48 PM

      ok first. Confide in someone, confide in your pastor, tell your mom or an aunty you trust, tell a young pastor at church but TELL SOMEONE. they will help you. it is obvious you have tried leaving and you have failed. you can’t do this on your own. confess this. tell someone. please just tell someone at church and they will help you.

    • Paris February 19, 2013 at 3:50 PM

      girl get out of that place with the speed of life.You should not let anyone abuse you and say sorry afterwards.The fact that he might be caring at times does not mean you can give yourself to his knife free of charge. He is not worthy of you.Forget the fact that he was the one who disvirgined u and forge ahead without looking back. Also get help

    • Abena February 19, 2013 at 3:52 PM

      i cannot believe this!my boss thought i had seen a ghost when i was reading this story!u should see how dumbfounded i looked!eeii eiii,i cant even offer an advice because this incredible,too incredible!Bella Naija,please as a matter of urgency contact this girl and help her ASAP!Since u have seen her details,please dont let it rest,i beg you.
      i am still in shock,absolutely SHOCKED!!!!

    • Glam February 19, 2013 at 3:54 PM

      Are you still asking if to move on? Girl you better flee because he will so crush you psychologically and I don’t understand why you stayed with a guy like him for so long. Do go for counseling. You shall be fine.

      • molly February 19, 2013 at 4:31 PM

        counselling? where? i doubt there are counsellors in nigeria oo… i need numbers sha if anybody knows anyone. By the way it is so easy to suggest she sees a counsellor when you donot even drop the counsellor’s contact.

    • My GOD is greater than the things animals in the form of some men do February 19, 2013 at 4:06 PM

      Reading this made me cry….as i Have been in a similar situation, but I have moved on and still working on my esteem…..Dear OMOH, you CAN and WILL MOVE ON…

      the first step for any abuse victim is realising there is a problem and you need help…..which you have done by sending this…I applaud you ….personally what i did was;
      1) realizing the problem
      2) seeking counselling while at the university
      3) i became spiritual, found and made a new relationship with God, cause at that point i just needed something greater than human to complain to…..and yes i prayed and became spiritual
      4)found a hobby or hobbies to occupy me and keep me happy so i dont think too much of the incident or the guy
      5) stayed off boys…. needed to understand who i was as a person before i can accomodate anyone else
      6)told a sibling and a best friend just in case of support
      7) finally came out to parents……even though my mum tried to tell me not to tell anyone else… i didnt listen(lol)…..cause i relaised the more i spoke/talked about it the more the pain was reduced and the more i could see what i was blindly doing to myself and my confidence is slowly growing……

      whether you were drunk or not it is not your fault, you trusted this guy and he took advantage of you…even if you were not a virgin he has no right to your body without your consent. This man/animal is diabolical…i wish to rain cursess on him but like my abuser i would leave it to God…. LEAVE THAT GUY…dont let him know, just leave and get rid…you owe him no explanation whatsoever..

      You are BEAUTIFUL, SMART AND GODS CHILD……….got tears
      from one victim to another, YOU CAN AND YOU WILL RUN……for your sake please…you are not a damaged good, and the fact you have noticed the problem this early shows you are quite smart….go on girl..praying for you…xx..God bless….

      Fathers please teach your sons to be responsible, some boys emulate their fathers….women please teach your sons how to treat their fellow women, no partiality at home…and due to the careless laws in this country we have a long way to go…please teach your boys that the way people behave in porn movies its an illusion and not reality…. the rate of paedophilia and rape that gets through without consequence in thsi country is alarming….BELLA please post

      • jade February 19, 2013 at 6:15 PM

        My dear, tell am!!! I was there too, so i agree wholeheartedly with what you are saying. Especially the part of finding you. You have to start loving you before you even think of moving on with someone. That sea urchin robbed you of something special, and that is your self worth. Do not allow him to take any more. LEAVE in the middle of the nite or with trumpets from thepolice, RUN like you hear news, RUN.

      • x factor February 19, 2013 at 7:36 PM

        Ammeeeeennn…..this is about the best comment ever i ve read on BN

      • Lafunky February 19, 2013 at 10:58 PM

        I agree with your comment. I appreciate that, you wrote from y

      • Fashionista for God February 19, 2013 at 11:20 PM

        Amen God is able. we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the Words of our testimony. Speak Out let other know. Save someone who needs this too. God Bless you. He will heal and restore you Amen. Praying for all my women

    • skinnygirl February 19, 2013 at 4:11 PM

      RUN, FLY, whatever! just LEAVE…. No one I repeat no one is worth this kind of pain and truma!!!

    • Trendiest February 19, 2013 at 4:14 PM

      If you don’t want your parents to cry over your body, Honey pls leave..he is only going to get worse…..

    • babycakes February 19, 2013 at 4:14 PM

      girl u shud change uni and move on…. ur so called rapist bf needs to be castrated…u r just 2o u shud focus on ur education…..i no how u feel as to d trauma of been raped but my dear life goes on…u wud get over it after a period of time but sometimes u wud fink abt it feel downcast and depressed…dont let dis ruin ur future

    • feminist February 19, 2013 at 4:18 PM

      Omoh, sorry abt ur experience and i liked ‘B’s second comment/advise to u.
      Young lady, its obvious u r dating dis guy cos he ws d one dat took ur viriginity, and frm wat i c, u r an introvert who believes dat one shld stick wit d one she looses her virginity too…blah blah blah, please erase dat mindset. Lets c, where do u c urself in 20years frm nw? Option A) Alive? with blessed kids and a Godfearing,loving and caring man/hubby. Option B) dead and 4gotten.
      If u chose option A, then u knw wat 2do, Stop and retrace ur steps. Ask God 4 His 4giveness, change ur hostel(so u cn distant urself frm d ape), contact details etc, try to stay focus on ur studies, u jst ve a few time left to go(start researching on project topics 4ur finals), try 2attend christian programmes 2build ur faith and spiritual life/ stay in d mist of christian friend (dis wld help in prevent u frm tinkin or feeling depressed), finally talk to d counselor BN ve referred u too & open up to ur mother too(she hs 2knw d truth and wat u ve bin through,she is d 2nd /3rd best person 2 undastnd wat &d damage dis relationship wld ve done to u emotionally, physically).
      U ve a bright future ahead dear, dnt let any low class APE rob u off dat…

    • odunayo February 19, 2013 at 4:19 PM

      she says she is 20yrs…….chei.some gehs cld be so dumb,do u even see any future with dis guy.i mean for d fact dat he raped u,u shld av known he is nuffin bt an ANIMAL nd yet u agreed to date him because……..?
      just flee!!!!!!!!

    • mosier February 19, 2013 at 4:30 PM

      A lot of women r stck in relationships like ths nowadays.. I was in an abusive rlshp few months ago, it started out with emotional torture, manipulation, demoralization; telling me i’m not good enough when i do things, trashes me and all my achievements at some points i think he was intimidated by me ( i got my masters at the age of 21). I always gv ppl the benefit of the doubt and i blv in 2nd chances but his actions were getting out of hand. he wanted me to quit my job that he doesn’t want other men looking at me.. the day i finally made up my mind that he is not the 1 for me was when he strangled me till i could hardly breath, threatening my life all bcuz i was applying for a new job. He traumatized me so bad i cld hardly sleep at night. After i left him, he sent over a hundred emails, texts n calls.. i had to change my number, he even started stalking me, lurking around my house to see who comes n goes. I thank God its all over now n everyday i pray that i don’t meet him or any man like him.
      Do urself a favour and say deuces to the bastard b4 he kills u. And i think he has some mental problem that you don’t know about. I concluded that mine has multiple personality disorder. RUN FOR UR LIFE!!!

    • Gorgeous February 19, 2013 at 4:44 PM

      In all the advices, we have failed to recognize one thing, her parents have really failed in their job of bringing this girl up. They are just as judgmental as all of you, that is why she is in this mess now. Through their judgmental madness, they have killed this girls self esteem. It is understandable how she can fall into this mess. Most people want to do everything to have the story of being with their first to the end. My dear, pick up the pieces of your life, and relocate. Dont share this story with anyone else. They will use it against you in the future. Just move on, and maybe get counselling. In fact you need it. See, stop trying to stay. This guy has mental problems. A jekyll and hyde personality for that matter. He probably has multiple personality disorders. Flee for your own good. May God bless and help you through it all.

    • mali February 19, 2013 at 4:52 PM

      pls do not go back he is a destiny destroyer run for your life this is not funny i know deep down you know the best option is to run away from him the only thing you need do is get closer to God and try as much as possible to push away what so ever force within you that is attached to him to get it over with first abortion don’t be surprised if you end up having several abortions hmmmmmm i pity you oooo this one is out to ruin you. run run run run ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh devil in human form sent to destroy your destiny. it is high time you talk to a counsellor you deserve to be happy and they are better guys out there who would love you even with all your flaws.

    • SKC February 19, 2013 at 5:19 PM

      my advice is, please let go of that Monster .

    • Busy Sade February 19, 2013 at 5:51 PM

      First I think you should find an enlightened older woman you can trust, because you are going to need support for the decisions you are about to take. First you need to get as far away from this guy as possible, new hostel, new route to class, disconnect from mutual friends so he doesn’t know what you are doing and you don’t know what his doing. When you have done this for 3 months or more you will realize that the world will not come to an end if he is not in your life. Then you can focus on making a new life for yourself. Everything he has done to you no matter how you perceive it is pure evil there is no love involved so wake up and face reality, any man who is capable of rape is also capable of murder, so be careful murder might be the next step. Just because he took your virginity doesn’t mean he has bought your life. Lastly find God and he will give you true healing through his son Jesus . I pray that The Lord will fill you with the strength of mind and body to make the right choices in Jesus name. Amen.

    • jade February 19, 2013 at 6:12 PM

      CHILD, put u foot inna u hand and run to the hills screaming. Men who inflict pains on a woman, physically or sexually, gain gratification and has no real reason to feel sorry about it. I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. Run run run. After some time of healing u will be able to love yourself and when u see any bush rat coming at you again u will have the experience to know them and not entertain their rubbish. You are WORTH IT!!! always remember that.

    • bsky February 19, 2013 at 6:21 PM

      Nne u need to runaway. I may sound harsh, u need to build ur self pride and respect. Sis you are young and beautiful, and there are certain things that no woman should take. Trust me this man wnt change. I dnt know why many women make this mistake. You either accept the man the way he is or you move on. If he changes great but dnt hope and wait 4 him to change. BTW, the whole virginity is overrated. Being a virgin wnt win you the best marraige/ best love from a man. Pls dnt listen to what our mothers have bn teaching us. The fact that u lost ur virginity doesnt mean u are damaged goods. All u need is someone who loves and respects u. But before you can find that person, u need to start respecting yourself. U need to start settin standards for yourself . How do u do that, respect and acknowledge the God in you. He says, you are the apple of His eyes. You need to start looking at you self thru God’s eyes. You are of chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people… U need to start seeing yourself as this. Nne you are just 20, men would come. In fact you would be tired. Dnt get stuck on this douche bag. U thnk he loves u, trust me he doesnt. A man who doesnt respect God, and your feelings doesnt love you. U need a man who loves God and you. A man who would put God first even before you. Abeg dnt let his sweet words and useless gifts decieve you.

    • kilipot February 19, 2013 at 6:24 PM

      sigh. Nigeria is going no where by the comments I have read here. some people have called her stupid, some dumb. One even went on to say girls of her age are smart and sharp. My oh My. For Christ’s sake. she was abused( gradually) and should that be her fault.
      If by anything, thiz is a classical example of a good girl turned bad and damaged. A girl at 20 who wasnt even sexually active couldnt even tell u blockheads something. This child is a good and naive girl.
      my dear. It is not your fault that you were raped. 2. Yes he took your virginity (i know you were saving it for your loving husband) but life is mord than that..he can force a man to love you. He doesnt and will not. He is taking advantage of you.
      you are beautiful you are smart and you are still important. talk to sensible friends ( not the ones who will mock you) talk to a family member. please you deserve better than this. God loves you see it as one of those horrible lessons. you ve learned and it is time to move on

    • Miss Posh February 19, 2013 at 6:24 PM

      Parents need to get more involved in their childrens lives.

      This is a sad example of physical, psychological abuse and brain washing. All of which i have experienced, so i can relate.

      The abuser will make you feel worthless,ugly, used and a low life……that is how they will retain their power over you.

      The abuser has low self esteem and has to make someone feel in order to feel good about themselves.

      One never fully recovers from abusive in ANY form, but i pray that Your healing will be complete by God’s grace.

    • tatafo! February 19, 2013 at 6:25 PM

      Some of these comments really exemplify why this poor girl cannot reach out to people around her for help. How you can start by calling her names instead of offering advice or resources she can use is beyond me.

      Omoh* please disregard the negative comments and take the useful comments. Also know that what happened to you can happen to anyone, there is no mark on your forehead. It is an unfortunate situation and you are stronger than you think.

      BN, God bless you for publishing this article and also trying to put her in contact with a counselor.

    • Miss Posh February 19, 2013 at 6:27 PM

      *has to make someone feel bad

    • Miss Posh February 19, 2013 at 6:29 PM

      Oh dear, whatever happened to my grammar!I meant

      *One never fully recovers from abuse in ANY form*

    • GreenDiamond February 19, 2013 at 6:33 PM

      AWWWW..i don’t even know way to say.. am not here to judge u but to advice u so many people are on here ranting u all should take a breather sigh.. see hen 1st of all delete him, u might be inluv with him but he doesn’t luv u dear it hard 2 believe i get his caring sometimes but common his hitting u and constantly abusing u..sorry doesn’t fix thanks no.. u need time and space and pray for God’s strength because apart from talking to friends nd councillors u need jesus strength to fill the pain nd hurts u r going through. also all men are not the same this particular guy obviously has his own personnal issues too and he needs to see a councillor. Don’t listen to the bad comment we all make mistakes but take them as caution because some might be useful. SPACE and love from others is what u need now move farr farr away from this guy and please when u r finally in a better place emotionally try and forgive him it very important. u r WORTH MORE THAN U KNOW!!

    • dont mention February 19, 2013 at 6:43 PM

      Wow……all those raining insults on her really dont know what it means to be abused do they? please go on ur knees and start thanking GOD u r not the one. i am 25 n i suffered the same fate as her and my friends will tell u am the smartest girl they have ver come accross, yet, here i was being abused this moron i thot loved me.

      I am not holding anything back, His name was eric n. he met me a virgin at 24 and i tot it was a relationship of love after we agreed we wud b celibate. he abused me emotionally but never physically. here i was doing everything i cud for this guy bc in my head i tot, when u r in love u have to do stuff like dat for ur man. i wud cook for him, clean for him, do his laundry and never a word of appreciate ,he wud instead see what i didnt do and find complaints about the one i did. evry time i broke up with him, he will come and plead n say he wud change n be better until one afternoon when i was at his place an he raped me. in my case i wasnt drunk, i was sick n instead of going to my house after i left the hospital i tot, i shud go b with my bf n he wud take care of me. after sleeping for almost 2 hrs at his place , he comes into the room n starts kissing me n i am thinking its one of our make out sessions n bf i know it i am fighting for my life. he was big doh am a big girl too but he won. and after the act, he says he never believed i was a virgin at 24 n proceeds to degrade me further by saying how beautiful i was down dere. i got angry and stormed off of his apartment n 3 days, he doesnt bother to call to apologise or anything of that sort, n yes, i will call myself stupid, i the stupid one, carried my stupid self n stupidly went to his house after 3 days to ask for forgiveness. i who had been raped, i who had been violated, i had been disvirgined against my wish, i did that. he refused to take me back on grounds that i left his apartment without his knowledge n without closing the door , saying what if thieves attacked him or someone walked in to stab him. he shows up 2 months later to say he is sorry and it will never happen again. on my part, i thank God he denied me that first time bc i wud hav prob gone back to him n i didnt. he pestered me for 1 full month n i thank God i never went back tho i had the urge many times to go back. i was 24 with a bsc n in school. that was my second bf n i always belived in sex after marriage n the idiot aggreed to it bf we got into a relationship n den that happened.

      now thoses of u insulting Omah, do u know how many times i have insulted myself already and blamed myself even doh i always knew it was never the victims fault?i live in the states where dis SOB cud easily b prosecuted but as an african what did i do? i tot who wud believ me wen it happened at his house? he was my bf at the time? the stigma of going tru dat whole process n dere goes my oppressor walking free around, free to do the sma ething to another girl

      the sad part about it is that i grew up in an abusive home, i watched my dad physically abuse my mom every now n then n i had vowed never to let that happen to me. how was i to know that abuse wasnt just physical but emotinal too? that what i was going tru in the hands of eric was abuse n i kept going back? it was when i finally called it quits, when it was too late that i looked as a 3rd [party at therelationship and saw all that was wrong with it.

      so yes, Omah is not asking bc she doesnt know what to do. she is asking bc she still doesnt know or believ that waht has happened to her is abuse. n even when she realises it, she has called herself all kinds of mean names already n doesnt need u to do same, bring her out of the fog she is in n tell her that it will get better. that she needs to love herself n no moron like that deserves her, n that like me, she will meet a man who doesnt care about her past n b more than willing to walk with her in her struggles to overcome the pain.she needs a caring listening ear n dats y she came here, do not crucify her please bc she already did that to herslef 1000 times over. she needs to know that even if she cant confide in her parents about something like this, she can tell some random stranger who wud give her strength to go on.

      i hav very loving parents even doh my dad was abusive n i have always told my mom everything in my life until this happened. this is the only secret i have kept from her n how do i start telling her dat when i had promised her i will get married a virgin? what if she doesnt believ me? so u see? omah is not an idiot.

      i thank God because i have found a man at 26 who though he found me still hurting very much from something that happened 2 yrs ago, he is the one hwo helped me get over it bc i cant tell u how bitter i was towards eric(its his real name btw) n towards men. he almost made me miss out on the heaven i am experiencing here on earth bc my bf is …for lack of a better word AMAZING n i thank God for bringing him along every day bc he walked into my life at just the right time, bc though it had been almost 2 yrs, i was almost going crazy n he has been my counsellor n therapist and he used nothing but Jesus Christ to help me find peace. i have never been closer to God than i am right now in my life n i have never believ Him more than right now n its all thanks to my bf, i thank God He used him n i thank him for letting God use him to bring me healing n he inspired my blog…….

      Its been hard but i am the road to getting better and i am loving myself again n i know n believ once again that it was never my fault but that an idiot cudnt control his manhood ard me. i hope u come to a happy ending like me Omah n take the good advice n leave the bad one, n knwo that u r not alone in ur fight, i will put u in my prayers.

      God loves u dear n u sure need to know Him in ur life now more than ever n only Him will give u the peace that u r seeking for. n i hope u understood that i meant u shud leave him, drop him like hot charcoal n run for ur life bc the next thing we will hear is that u r dead if u donot leave now.

    • mystery February 19, 2013 at 6:47 PM

      I av neva commented on bella naija..but today I av № choice..for starters pls do not condemn her.some people are into abusive relationships without knowing wat dey av gotten themselves into.this man exploited this young naive girl.I was a victim of abuse excluding d sex part.he hit me continously,forced me to teach him/do his assignments,isolated me from friends.I had to leave dt institution.I lost 4years,hated men.hated anyone who abused women.if I see any traces of it or even smell it amongst my friend’s boyfriends..a new line of enimity has been drawn..10years later.I’m done wid skool.engaged to a man who trully loves me..and he’s back begging saying he’s sorry.and wherever he goes to.they ask him to apologise to me.I can’t even begin to describe what I went tru. For d critics u avent been in her shoes so please u av № right to judge another soul.until u know where they are coming from..pls darling wipe your tears.u deserve better.I won’t lie to u.healing is going to happen wld take time.years,u need Jesus most importantly.relocate,change your institution just get away from him..God healed me.he took charge of my’m happy.and free,I met someone who worships the very ground I walk on..that’s God for u.he’ll give u beauty for those ashes..*hugs*

    • Partyrider February 19, 2013 at 6:52 PM

      I’m so angry . I can’t even believe what i just read. Let me leave here quietly

    • nelly February 19, 2013 at 7:01 PM

      If you were my friend or sister and u fynally come tell me dis story, i will most likely beat some sound sense into u b4 i hug u, find d dullest knife i have and go pay the monstrous coward a looooooooooooooong visit with some of my angelic friends. BABES! what is wrong with you??? who told you , your virginity defines or determines who the fuck u are or ur self value? if ur parents filled ur head with such dust, den they are the true rapist! am so spitting mad! firstly go find the strongest person you know(charaterwise) be it pastor, cousin, boss, neighbour, friend , i dont care, just tell somebody because from ur tone you can find the strength to quit this vicious cycle of abuse.

      Let them help you find, the MAD in you that will fuel your feet to Flee from the devil and hopefully get vengeance on the animal. Yes we know we have monsters masquerading as men out there but not all men are monster and even if all men were indeed monster, will you now leave with one??? WTF!
      FYI: in the beginning , you were a VICTIM, right now, You are a willing VICTIM, which places the blame squarely on ur young shoulders. Meaning, you are raping ursef and your future by remaining with him. pls find the self-respect and pure survival instinct in you , that will propel you to leave him and if possible make the evilist pay very dearly for his crimes.
      Haven’t yo considered that if he is doing this to you, he has done it b4, is doing it again and not just only with you and will most definitely do it again !


    • Yellow Cocaine February 19, 2013 at 7:09 PM

      Nne, maybe you will RUN when you get HIV or DIE @ his ruthless, monstrous hands. Leaving that nigga starts with YOU. if you are strong enough and brave enough to RUN and never look back then you should. e bu di ewu? you be goat? abi e bu di atuluofia? you be bush ram? Pretty please, remember that people will always dish bullshit, it is left up to you NOT to accept it. Place that nigga where he belongs, clearly, he will KILL you come to your grave and tell you “you know i’m not wrong but sorry” mshew! he is a delusional piece of red ass. he is el diablo rojo (the red devil) OYA… RUN!!!! i’m sure you are LOVED by your family and TRUE friends, besides Aunty Bella does not want to visit your grave. So, you have every reason to FIGHT for survival. You Only Live Once (YOLO)….. don’t die at the hands of the devil!

    • Rukky February 19, 2013 at 7:10 PM

      Am sure she’s heard this a thousand times but reading it won’t hurt: YOU ARE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS SHIT. If she doesn’t want to get the police or elders of her family involved, she should kindly do her life a favour by staying faaar away from her rapist who also physically abuses her on the daily. If he has been violent with you before, chances are it will only get worse. Better safe than sorry, run whilst you still have the ability to because if he kills you, no matter what happens, he will still have his life and you won’t.

    • Rukky February 19, 2013 at 7:15 PM

      This story is lugubrious, especially because one of my friends is currently making the same mistake as this young lady and she refuses to listen to us when we tell her to leave the son of a gun…now am just irritated :( before being with some1 you have to love yourself because if you love yourself and realize that you are perfectly and wonderfully made, no man would be able to repeatedly assault and insult you and get away with it.

    • Missindividual February 19, 2013 at 7:25 PM

      Darling you are too precious to God to believe that the best he has or you is a guy who wants to use you as his sex slave. When he created u he made you in His image to be a stong woman. I know you want to tell yourself that he will get better and i know you see the good in him that other people dont see and i know its hard to walk away from the only love you know. But you deserve more you deserve a man that knows tour worthband will cherish and treat you like the precious ewel that you are. I pray that you ind the courage to walk away from thi abuse and ipraythat God restores your faith in men because there are good men out there and there is a man out there for you. I encourage you to run away from this guy as gard a it may seem i believe you havve the strength to do it

    • Fumfum Young February 19, 2013 at 7:28 PM

      Run, and finish your first degree. The guy is not good for you at all, no female is meant to go through this at all, you are meant to be pampered by men now. Leave him and stay away from any relationship for a now. He is a crazy man that can kill a another guy that he sees around you. He is a retarded, abusive bastard man so my dear that is not love o, just run and find peace and happiness for yourself o.It is well and the lord will be with you,Amen. Try and confide in your older sister or mom for advice.

    • Abby February 19, 2013 at 8:34 PM

      Okay Omoh, i wish i could just see you right now to hold your hands and tell you this sincere truth looking into your eyes.
      That guy never loved you and i believe by now, you know you shouldn’t go back to him. Rather, avoid him like a plague. You are a precious jewel that deserves to be nurtured and loved. but unfortunately, you fell into the wrong arms at your most vulnerable moment.
      My advice to you is that you look past all the shame you might be facing and find a godly confidant that will always be there to hold your hands and remind you of truths you need to know. That guy has been abusing you over some time and believe it or not, his actions towards you have affected your perception about life and it is sure going to affect your output and success. However, when we run to Christ Jesus, the maker of all things (including your body that has been overly abused), he makes all things in our lives new again.
      Stop beating yourself over the past mistakes you have made and stop trying to make up for them.
      You might need to pick up good books that deal with what you have been through, finding your identity and also forgiveness . And i strongly recommend JOYCE MEYER’S “THE CONFIDENT WOMAN”. This book will help you recover and renew your mind and outlook on life if you read it wholeheartedly. You should find it in any well stocked Christian bookshop like Laterna, Bible wonderland, Dayspring or a church bookshop.

    • meemo February 19, 2013 at 8:37 PM

      honey, stories like this make me cry…you are experiencing the two lowest defeats a women can face….domestic violence and rape…you have no defense. This man does not love you, he is not capable of loving you because he doesn’t even love himself…RUN now or he will kill you one day very very soon…have you watched the movie ‘For Colored Girls’….please go watch it if you have not…you are a female…if only u knew your worth …you were created as the crown of God’s creation…the last and very best of what He created, you were created to be cared for, loved, nurtured and protected….please RUN and get help….HELP HELP HELP because for you to even be asking if you should stay or go means you have been dehumanized to a level where you think its acceptable to be raped and beaten by a man regular not to talk of all the emotional abuse…..please contact bellanaija I’m sure she can refer you to a counselor…my sister get help….may you come back and share the good news with us…and that dude should be prosecuted and get help…its sickening

    • Abby February 19, 2013 at 8:43 PM

      You really should read THE CONFIDENT WOMAN. It shows you the story of a someone that has been through what you are going through or probably worse and how she came out of it strong, successful and happily married to a loving husband with wonderful children. I am sure you also will one day end up with a beautiful family. I LOVE YOU! and I believe God will heal your heart completely.

    • Eyak February 19, 2013 at 8:51 PM

      My dear precious girl, please help yourself by cutting all ties to this excuse for a human being. He doesn’t deserve you and you most certainly do NOT deserve all he is dishing out in the name of his own brand of terrifying love. Do not become another statistic of girlfriend killing abeg. Tell your parents, get a support group and change school please. You are just to precious for some monster to waste and disappear. Please run as fast as your legs can carry you please. This is so sad.

    • Rita February 19, 2013 at 8:51 PM

      YOUNG LADY I CAN ASSURE YOU NO OTHER GUY WILL BE AS BAD AS THIS. He is mentally messing you up get out before you become tarnished and think it is normal for men to treat women like this. He has a personality/traits of a rapist and is or will most likely do this to other women. You are young and naive, your only problem was not telling anyone this happened the day after, or letting others come pick you up when he was coming on to you day 1. You have a mobile am sure, use it in any time of need. I feel sorry for you, because it can be anyone but please get the strength to get out you cannot love or heel him, do it from afar i hate what he is doing to you, please love you by leaving, and healing slowly you are attractive fine you will find someone else in future attractive or not. Stay blessed.

    • Cee February 19, 2013 at 9:12 PM

      Oh my goodness! why is this even up for discussion? Of course you should run. This man has treated you like an animal. I am so sorry that you had to loose your virginity to such and now you think that all men are like that. Please do not believe that. Run far far away. There are still some good men in this world and I am sure you will find an amazing guy that will treat you like a queen. That sick individual deserves to be locked up and flogged. Maybe if he got raped in prison he will realize the gravity of his indiscretions. What nonsense!

    • iamfascinating February 19, 2013 at 9:17 PM

      you cant take the right step alone. you need support.take advantage of the BN’s help offered and pray.

    • salkinny February 19, 2013 at 10:35 PM

      I hate reading posts like this… R u a learner? Don’t you know the meaning of domestic abuse?… The truth is no matter what anyone advices this lady/ girl she’ll still go back to this guuy. I had a friend like you and guess where she is now? Dead!!!! Six feet below” abortion went wrong…. If you like stay in d relationship

    • Lafunky February 19, 2013 at 10:57 PM

      Dear Omoh,
      I just want to encourage you that you are not alone. Some people have gone through what you are going through and they overcame. You will come out stronger. Paul wrote in the Bible that, there is no temptation taken you but such as is common to mankind. Other people have experienced it as well; you are not alone. In order to be completely healed of what you have gone through:
      I will advise you to:
      Have a trusted friend/sister who is wise and spiritually sound, who will offer you good advise and who you can be accountable for. Also, if you have any good male friend or brother/uncle that can counsel and guide you, so that, you can understand from a male’s perspective, that your bf’s (ex) behaviour was not appropriate and he has abused you, not just physically and sexually, emotionally, you will be distressed as well.
      I would also advise you to get closer to Jesus Christ. Re-dedicate your life to Jesus. Invite the Holy Spirit into your heart. Pour out your heart to God, tell Him everything, and before you call Jack, you will start experiencing healing, you will also find strength from God.
      You can not change the past or what has happened to you, if you blame yourself, it will not yield into anything. You can determine your future, with the help of God. I want you to see what has happened as part of your life experience. You will be able to counsel other girls out there.
      I pray the Lord will heal you and comfort you in Jesus’ name. I do not want you to blame yourself. You trusted him but he used you, he doesn’t love you. He is addicted to sex, he doesn’t care whether he hurts you to get the sex, and he doesn’t think he has a problem.
      You need to avoid your bf (ex), you need support of good friends. He also needs help, he is the perpetrator. However, the focus is on you. DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM. There is a guy out there for you, who would love you and respect your body. There are good guys out there. Don’t think you can change him or you will wait for him to change. He is not your husband. Men don’t change unless they choose to change. You need to give him his space. Pray for him and pray to God to help you to forgive him. Moving on will take a bit of time, as you will be thinking about how you lost your virginity to him, he is/was the only guy you have ever known, amongst other things that you are thinking of. I can assure you that, it’s only for a while. Focus on yourself, your education, hang out with your friends, develop your hobbies/interests further.
      Finally, you have done the right thing by asking/speaking out about it. I pray the Holy Spirit will guide you and counsel you in Jesus’ name. There are so many comments already, I pray the good/relevant ones will impact you positively, and the not so nice advice will not affect you negatively.

    • Fashionista for God February 19, 2013 at 11:17 PM

      Beautiful Woman of God. First of all God loves you and you have to know you are beautiful inside and out. RUN AS FAST as your legs can carry you. Cut off communication, with him, friends of his or anything that knows him. If you can change University do so. Getting away from it all is where the healing begins mind, body and spirit. Once this is in place only God can heal you on all these levels I pray you let Him in to do just that. Ladies be careful and thanks so much this message is also saving other women around the world. God Bless you.

    • ruN February 19, 2013 at 11:53 PM

      Shul I go or stay? Is dat supposed 2 be a question. Let’s call a sphade a sphade
      !! How can u be so stupid 2 stay wit a guy (student I guess) dat rapes and beats u and now he didn’t give u any gift on vals day,ur eyes are now opened and u r asking questions? Read ur write up and den answer d question ur sef. U need psychologist/councellor, pastor, ur mum and even d police dat bastard needs 2 be taught a severe lesson.

    • ekky February 20, 2013 at 12:04 AM

      1. You are a human being( a free one)you are not a slave.
      2. No human, animal or evil creature have a right 2 treat you dat way,it is barbaric, inhuman&degrading.
      3.You should consider staying off guys for now&draw closer 2 God because he is the only one dat can heal you,get help & counselling
      4.You are 2 nice,I’m not trying 2 blame u but don’t ever leave ur space 4 anybody,accomodating Ur friend is not enuf but her BF has 2 mistakenly sleep over,ahn ahn & it’s still dos friends dat will spread ur gist.
      5. Get a knife or sword,u will feel safer&the next time u c his friends or ur other neighbour show it 2 dem,tell them its the valentine gift u got 4 urself,the gist will reach him but be careful, before then, if he calls u, tell him never 2 call u again,don’t go 2 his room& don’t open ur door 4 him.
      6. Be strong bcos this evil thing can kill you& nothing will happen, we are in Nigeria,it is your life you have 2 a lawyer,a female one, I don’t know where 2 c u but I know most of them will be mad when they hear ur story,She can assist you in warning the evil thing 2 stay away from you. You can’t live twice, do this for yourself,your life&wellbeing is sacred. May God give you the strength,the courage&enablement to overcome this. Take care

    • jennietobbie February 20, 2013 at 12:38 AM

      Damn!!!! I’m praying for you, Omoh!! BUT…you must RUN away from that guy. It wont be easy to leave him, but you have to do it so as to enjoy the REST of your life!!!

    • Naomi February 20, 2013 at 12:49 AM

      Look at your left hand, then look at your right. Choose what happened your going to use to slap yourself with!
      Good gave you a mind of your own and two legs. LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK!


    • Let it Be.... February 20, 2013 at 1:43 AM

      Now that I have calmed down… Summary of the story from reading the comments (Rude, Nice, Judgmental, non-Judgmental, Spiritual etc.) is..
      1. Leave him (…and YES YOU CAN) a lot of comments are from peeps that have been where you are, and they are out of the situation. so homegirl, your case is not peculiar….If you don’t HE WILL KILL YOU.
      2. Focus on your studies. You are a college student with a life and future ahead of you. You will need to earn a living in the near future.
      3. Stay single…please my dear stay single for a good minute…Do other things with your life. The summary of your destiny is not on whose girlfriend/wife you are. Take Oprah or Ngozi Okonjo -Iweala as good examples(one is single, one is married, both are successful)
      4. As you grow, surround yourself with good people, people that have healthy relationships (because your statement about you finding something worse than what you have right now makes me think you might be from an unstable home) find a role model..I personally have my grand Uncle and his wife as my role model. they are in their sixties and couldn’t be more in love.
      5. Last but not the least, Please my dear find the higher power and stay connected to it. There is nothing as assuring as the love of Christ, the healing power of the Holy Spirit and the wonderful hope of glory!!!

    • jyde February 20, 2013 at 2:15 AM

      Ladies,please forgive me,but some of you dont realise that harsh words and blame steer victims and the vunerable right back into the evil hands they so desperatly desire to escape.
      Victims of abuse are frightend,traumatised,ashamed and guilt ridden already,that anything short of love and understanding leaves an already confused mind lost and helpless.
      You must remember that not everyone is as strong or clued up as a lot of you are.
      They believe in some cases to have made the wrong choice and hence deserve what has befallen them.As crazy as it sounds,ask why they stay with their abusers.
      Victims need kind words,an understanding ear and proper advice.
      Without help your sisters get caught up in a vicious cycle of abuse agony and pain lasting years and sometimes in death.
      Please remember they lack certain attributes which strengthen ones character and are then prey to sexual and sadistic predetors.
      If they could break free,they would have long ago,but without a gentle push or help from you their sisters,most dont stand a chance.
      Their silence is out of fear and confusion,their voice comes from fellow women like yourselves with strong minds and wisdom to know better.
      Please use your knowledge and positions to help your voiceless sisters by listening and advising them with kind words rather than harsh ones.
      Who wants to go to sleep tonite knowing she helped send a confused ,shamed,downtrodden victim back to her tormentor?
      Or who wants to think her kinds words of blameless advice helped steer someone to safety?
      Youve only got each other,the worlds a cruel place for the unfortunate.Help make it a bit better.

    • Gimmer February 20, 2013 at 4:42 AM

      Did this chic seriously just ask “Should I move on? Or should I stay and hope that he’ll change for real this time? “? Smh….women, pls empower and instill self worth in your daughters when they are little so that they have the courage to get the stepping when any man treats them less than the treasure they are supposed to be.

    • kmt February 20, 2013 at 5:13 AM

      what I find funny is the question “should I stay?’ nawa o u sef read ur own story, wetin you think

    • Dewunmi February 20, 2013 at 5:39 AM

      Aam prob too angry to. Say anyting nice To you personally but please pick the few wondeful non-judgemental people’s advice ere and go thru with it,God be with you.
      Parents and potential parents we hve lots of work to do!!God help us

    • Strawberrycandy February 20, 2013 at 6:09 AM

      Sweetie, you are TOO YOUNG to accept that kind of treatment in hopes that he’ll change. Hez done it multiple times! when exactly is the change gonna come? when he inflicts permanent damages on ur body? like mayb u do another abortion n cuz of complications, wont b able to conceive ever again? No no no You have your whole life ahead of you. I advice you to end things with him PRONTO!!! no buts or what ifs….and focus on your education…..forget about having a boyfriend for now and use the time to heal

    • portable February 20, 2013 at 8:23 AM

      Pls all of u calling her names should just shut d hell up! hw many of u know wat it is to b abused,eh,hw many? am so mad at most commentators dat if i could see u guys,i would give each of u a dirty slap! Omoh is at ground ZERO emotionally,physically,psychologically amd spiritually! she needs help to get away from dat fucking SOB!!! Please, BELLA,if u hv her address or contacts,kindly do me a favor,send pple to physically remove her from dia cos no matter hw much advice we give her here,she does not have the courage to leave on her own n dosnt trust anyone. Finally,Omoh,am praying for u,may d Holy Spirit of God be with u n deliver u from the hands of that monster and also help u to rebuild ur life in the paths of righteousness,and also bless u with a man whom u r his missing rib,Amen! God loves u!

    • sarah Valerie February 20, 2013 at 8:31 AM

      get out of this mans life once and for all. you will hve nothing to lose. he is an animal not to pity at all, a devil in a humans body.

    • winnie February 20, 2013 at 9:23 AM

      he drags u to the bathroom, wash ur blood and then have sex with u and doz it all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First, go let your doctor check if ur womb again and check other infections that u may have contracted. (i feel sick)

    • Gold February 20, 2013 at 9:59 AM


    • Tochukwu February 20, 2013 at 10:33 AM

      Sweetheart, I can understand how u feel coz I’ve been down that road before but I couldn’t let it get as bad as your case so I packed up and left and never looked back. You have to leave him before he gets you killed and trust me, there’s always a man out there who’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated. PLEASE Leave him I BEG YOU, before it becomes too late.

    • Eje February 20, 2013 at 10:35 AM

      My dear, if you cherish your life so much,I advise you run for dear life cus he’s going to kill you one day. He isn’t the end of the world for you ok. Haven’t you heard of recent cases of boys killing their girlfriends. Kindly get a grip of yourself and move on. Rededicate your life to Christ, and focus on becoming an achiever. You aren’t a toy. God loves you.

    • praisy February 20, 2013 at 10:51 AM

      Hmm… at 20, you are facing this kind of torment and pain. Please Omoh, your are still young. I beg you in the name of God, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN for your dear live. if a guy could threaten you with a guy to have sex with him, forced himself on you after your abortion, i mean just four days after when you are still bleeding, then HE might kill you one day. please give your life to CHRIST and he will make all things NEW for you.

      Wo! there is nothing to think about and you dont have to be confused about this. JUST RUNNNNNNNN VERY FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FROM HIM.
      A word is enough for the wise.

    • praisy February 20, 2013 at 10:52 AM

      sorry, I meant “A GUN”

    • Anonymous February 20, 2013 at 5:14 PM

      My dear run for your life before the fool ruins you. you will meet someone better

    • Anonymous February 21, 2013 at 8:19 AM

      My dear, u deserve better…MOVEEEEEEEEE ONNN biko…i felt so bad reading ur story , we all have had situations where u think sticking arnd is best buh believe me, in more than 80% of d cases, moving on was/is the best option…he made u abort, physically abuses you and talks about love!!!! My dear stick arnd with close friends u wud be alright, n will do absolutely well without him. If u ask me, he doesnt need a 3rd abi 4th chance…wen a guy starts off that way its always bad….Run b4 he takes ur life!!!! He has partially messed u up, so gather ursef and make the best of what is left of ur life…finally,try to build a personal relationship with christ( if u r a christian), that way u an forgive urself and also forgive him…because it seems you are yet to realize that he has messed u up..Best wishes

    • Patie February 21, 2013 at 10:30 AM

      RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY for your life is excessively precious to you, your family, and me, Cos he might strategise very soon and this time around he’s gonna scrap your skin off alittle and apologise and te next he’s gonna shoot you with a gun. Sweety, its in your face run.

    • Amazeballs! February 21, 2013 at 11:14 AM

      My dear, a Valentine’s day card is the very least of your problems! I hope you are able to leave that relationship and fast. Do it before you find yourself six feet under!

    • nekkycynthia February 21, 2013 at 2:16 PM

      Omg! my dear please run as fast as your legs can carry you. this guy will kill you very soon if you don’t leave and he will go to your grave still saying hes sorry dat he was drunk. by then it will be the end for you

    • Coco Chinny February 21, 2013 at 9:42 PM

      Ok so this may be slightly trivial info but the name of this article “I stayed with him because I was a virgin” is a poor analogy and improper way to describe this girl’s sad situation. Omoh I’m sorry for what you are going through but just like everyone said, please get help cause you desperately need it. I’m sure so many people here, if given the opportunity, would be glad to help you in any way the can. At this point the best we can do is hope that Bella steps in to help you see your case through to a satisfactory end since you sought help from them. May God restore you and bring healing to your body, spirit and soul in Jesus name.

    • Dade February 22, 2013 at 3:27 AM

      Omo mehn .d answer is glaring at u. It ur choice to make. Even if people advice u on what step to take. Boils down to ur choice in it. U an adult u know right from wrong, so u must definately know what to do unless u are out to deceive urself. No one can help u , u have to hep urself

    • Teetee February 22, 2013 at 4:53 AM

      I was almost in tears as I read your strory omoh.i can’t just believe how and why a human being would do such a thing to a lady……,like doesnt he have a mother,sister.?what sort of demon can possess a man to do such a thing to another human being.Omoh I feel you need to talk to someone older,preferably an older woman who is a Christian and would give you advice based on Gods word.i kinda have an idea about how you 20 too,my first relationship ended so badly,even though I wasn’t sexually involved with him,it took me a while to get over it but with God and a friend(an older married woman)who always encouraged me and prayed for me,I finally moved on and I know my self worth and identity today,not bcos of my accomplishments,looks etc,but because of what Christ did for me on the cross and because of what he says i am.Be strong,Pray every time you feel down or find yourself crying,understand that God loves you so much and you have a BRIGHT future ahead of you.i pray for you tonight dear Omoh that God will give you the strength you need to get through this and the holy spirit will comfort you.God loves you.

    • Aichi February 22, 2013 at 8:23 AM

      my dear young sister…as i read this comment i definetly understand how painfull it is “being abused” by the man that u love in ur life but the only challenge we women face is failure to move on by hoping that one day he will change… I WILL ADVICE YOU THAT TAKE HEART AND MOVE ON NO MATTER HOW THE PAIN WILL SEEMS TO BE…..abusive men never change at all….let him go HE DOES NOT FIT IN UR VALUES….look ata urself in the mirror and appreciate urself for the beauty that u have and tell ur creator to give u confidence to quit this foolish abusive man…….

    • melvin February 22, 2013 at 11:34 AM

      berra u stay single dan mingle with such a dog

    • Zee February 22, 2013 at 7:11 PM

      This is just sad. You don’t deserve any of what you’ve been through. Its going to be hard but you’re going to have to move on. Focus on your education and pray hard. every other thing would fall in place. Also,never let anyone abuse you using love as a disguise. Love is kind,caring and patient. Love is every thing nice,not wicked,evil or pain-inflicting. he doesn’t love you. Love yourself and focus on you. You’ll be fine by God’s grace.

    • Hyan February 23, 2013 at 6:46 AM

      My dya, you still dey ask? Carry ya shoe and run.

    • Danie February 24, 2013 at 3:51 PM

      This looks like another case of rihanna and chris brown (we dont know what keeps pushing her back to him, even if he’s a total moron. ) My advice babe, is that you wash yourself clean by Gods help, it is only Him that can save you, and run as fast as you could, cos ur bf whether u like it or not is being controlled by an evil force. I know that you think you may not find another guy, better than him, he’s lying, (my ex used to tell me that), truth is he’s scared of losing you since you seem to care about him. Trust me on this, there are a 1001 guys better out there (I found a guy far better than my ex who was even there the whole time and I didnt notice) , you don’t need to stay there before he kills you, your life is too precious, even to me and I dont know u. By the way, being single for sometime doesnt hurt. With God and time, you will definitely get a fresh start and all this would go with the wind.

    • kennis February 24, 2013 at 5:41 PM

      ohmgosh…..cant still believe what i just read now….i’ve neva been into a real relationship but i siriosly hope i ‘m not dat kind of man dat abuses ladies. Jesus some pple can be monsters oo. My dear my advise to u is for u to pack and run away frm dat monster u call a boyfriend pliz….biko….maka ndu gi (for ur dear life).

    • June February 25, 2013 at 7:17 PM

      Its unfortunate that your first experience was abuse. You probably think it is normal but it is not. Please RUN!!!

    • kemi lawal February 27, 2013 at 11:25 AM

      My dear, flee from this evil master,he has practically turned u to a sex slave, he is using you big time.u are still young and an undergraduate!., my dear, u need to put yourself back in order,face Ur studies and get the best out of life .I can bet that everyoda tin would follow.

    • Magz February 27, 2013 at 3:58 PM

      first of all, i would like to say u allowed it get this far. u should have left since. if he really loved you, he wouldn’t have raped you in the first place. i have to say the truth here; u are to blame (partially). relationship (or even marriage) is not a do-or-die affair, if it’s not making u happy, LEAVE! i tell my friends, “if a guy hits me once, i’ll hit him twice, mix a large dose of laxative in his food & run!!!” violence in relationships affect self-esteem. ur own self-esteem has been affected to the point of u thinking there’s no other good guy. he has prolly come to a conclusion that u can never leave, so he continues the abuse. my answer to ur question is: MOVE ON, IN FACT,’RUN’ ON!!!!!!!!! we’ve lost enough women to violence to relationships. say NO & learn to stand on ur feet! And pls let Jesus into ur heart. i wish u well

    • Mimi February 28, 2013 at 2:59 AM

      You must be loving what he is doing or else you would have ran for your life. I cannot imagine how a guy can do such things to you and you are still there. KMT

    • Adwoa February 28, 2013 at 1:07 PM

      Aunty Bella, i need your advice on an issue, how do i reach you?

    • Ekene Agabu February 28, 2013 at 7:03 PM

      You are Special, You are still beautiful, …..And nobody can take these virtues away from you and nothing you’ve gone through is stronger than who you really are.

      And to your question, ‘Should I move on? Or should I stay and hope that he’ll change for real this time? ….A woman as special and intelligent as you are, knows exactly what to do….. Don’t be afraid….Get up and walk again!

    • Joke March 6, 2013 at 12:11 PM

      Omoh, your story is so touching. You are a victim of serious abuse and i beg you, please never return to him, he doesnt deserve a bit of you, he is destroying your self worth and image even to you, he is destroying you. I’ve come to realize that we are all special in the eyes of our maker, He took His time to create us and protects us, so why do we have to allow others to take this away from us?!
      Omoh love, please remember the present becomes the past and the future is simply inevitable, please, face your studies, try graduate with a fantastic grade and face a brilliant future; there are beautiful men that would love and care for you out there, but, you need to love yourself first. Create a path for a beautiful future for yourself and let go of the demon that wants to destroy you. Whatever hurt you have today, let go of it and know that in the nearest future, you will use your story to strengthen some other girls that may fall victim to this kind of a guy.

    • daintysol March 13, 2013 at 10:54 PM

      Hello girl because even though you have lost your virginity, I don’t believe you are a woman yet.
      I blame you for all these conditions. You started with a first mistake, and continued to build on it. Can a beautiful house stand strong on a faulty foundation? No, it can’t, it will fall.
      Most people will tell you, you don’t deserve this. But what you tell yourself and practise are the most important. Do I need a change from this lifestyle or I want to continue? How do I get a change? What do I do to keep on living in a good and changed lifestyle? First, you need to be ready for a change. The problem many of us have is that we have gotten used to the bad, we find it difficult to separate (give our self-stupid reasons like I am no more a virgin, how will my future husband know I have slept with only one man one. It is not for you to convince you future husband it is to convince God). Let me tell you the truth, your friend and her boyfriend, knew about the rape, they all planned it for you. Because, haha, how will you sleep overnight in an able bodied young man’s room and expect no advances. Please, don’t let us be stupid, there should be some basic rules; If you share rooms, boyfriends shouldn’t be allowed after certain times let say like 9pm. If they are that honey for sex, they should rent a room in the hotel, after all they are the one who want fun they should be able to pay for it, not exploit you from the room you paid for. Secondly, when you discovered at 11pm, you should have suggested to your friends boyfriend to go to the neighbour room instead because he is got lesser chances of him been raped any way, plus girl you paid for your room (So young ladies out their always think fast and act fast because some things in life are irreversible).
      As I was saying be ready for a change: you know this relationship is hurting and painful and you know the only solution is separation. A change of mind is all you need. A fresh orientation and a new mind set is all it takes to catapult you from where you are now to where God want you to be.
      Imagine I am hitting you hard now saying Wake up girl, you have been sleeping. Pick you self-up, Ask God for wisdom, knowledge and discernment. God will give a good you a good guy. So don’t think all guys are same, because this happens to both male and female.
      God bless.
      Remember: A man’s failure is a function of his mentality but also Failure is not failing once but living in failure.

    • Tony Monti March 25, 2013 at 2:35 PM

      Please run for your dear life.

    • suku April 2, 2013 at 4:06 PM

      A lot of people are in abusive rships because they feel worthless and that once they leave the person in question they’ll never find someone else that’ll love them! please dear,like everyone here have said, you have to LEAVE this guy!He is a psycho and does not deserve to see the light of day! Run as far away 4rm him as possible! Change hostel if possible and by all means get a restraining order against him!(if that is possible in naija) Finally, focus on ur studies for now and look for a shrink that can help you get through and get ur confidence back. Just like a phoenix u’ll rise above this by God’s grace.

    • pink April 17, 2013 at 4:07 PM

      reading this story i couldn’t help but feel bad. I could relate to it, not that i have had totally same experience but just a little part of it.
      It’s appalling and sad to know that it is fast becoming a trend for guys and i think that’s because they feel they have some physical strength advantage over the lady.
      Had a (don’t even know if to call him my B.f), he did virtually d same but not the beating part. he forcefully has sex with me and after which he would be all apologetic and nice, offering to do and get things for me. at first i stayed but i had to leave cos i didn’t understand why i will be with someone who does not take my NO and stop. sometimes he rules it off as being playful and tells me am rigid.
      to cut a very long story short, Swity, i beg you in the name of God, to please resist that devil, flee from him!!!..
      stay away from guys, go on a man cleansing..PRAY to GOd to heal you all round, ask for the holy spirit the comforter to envelope you all through. at the right time, your prince will come..forget about such relationships for now and focus on God. you’ll be surprised what he can do with and for you. He answers and He heals..OK?..
      may Gode give you even much more strength than he gave me. AMEN!

    • KENNY OSAJE April 25, 2013 at 1:46 PM

      What sort of question are you asking? Please LEAVE THIS GUY ALONE and move on with your life, if possible; kindly share your problem with your mother (If she is alive) as this is one reason why they (Mums) are for us, if you continue in an abusive relationship, i pray it will not lead to your death one day! Give your life to christ,life is sweet my dear and you need to enjoy a relationship and not enduring it.
      It is well

    • PlainTalker July 16, 2013 at 9:23 PM

      Okay…enough of the sympathy because i think you’ve gotten enough of that. I am 2 years older than you so it wasnt long ago that i was in Uni as well as a 20 year old!.

      What are you saying!!!!! should you leave him?!!… should you still be asking that question. A guy treats you like that… drags u naked on the floor, holds a knife to you, rapes u and says you are his side chic and u are still wondering. What will it take for you to leave? you want to wait till one day in the course of his anger he finally uses the knife on u? or maims u permanently??

      At 20 you are no longer a child!. in a years time u will be out of school and be solely responsible for your future. You should act as such! take your life in your hands and tell him to leave you alone!!. the only reason he still has the chance is cos u are associating yourself with him.
      And for someone that cares so much about what her parents will think…which do u think is worse? that he raped u or that you continued to let yourself be treated so horribly??.. No matter how many Councillors and sympathizers you get…you need to know that the power to break away and free yourself lies solely with you else all they would be doing is blabbing!

    • nenyibabs July 30, 2013 at 2:23 PM

      I just have one question: Are you out of your mind? Even if you have no common sense left, what about your sense of self preservation? Do you want to die?
      Im not going to address the issue of ‘to stay or not to stay’ because Im so angry that I cant give a civil answer to that question. But you need to know something: the rape you talked about earlier? You need serious counselling for it. I didnt say pay a shrink o, but you need to talk about it to someone, relieve the whole incidence, the pain,the fear, the feelings, everything. That is the only way it will stop haunting you and you can achieve closure, and move ahead to where you are supposed to be. Im serious. Dont let people tell you it has been a long time, it doesnt matter, it was your fault,etc. Just get the poison out so you can move forward. The rape victims who have issues later are those who hid it,those who talked about it heal. Im talking from experience, and I have also mentored people who have passed thru that road, and it always works. Do it fast, face your fears and get your peace and selfworth back. Only if you get your self worth back will your eyes open to the depth of the abuse you are willingly enduring now, and if you dont correct it, you will continue to attract abusive rships, because you are the one who decide how other people treat you. Im very serious.

    • bee August 18, 2013 at 9:35 PM

      i’m so tempted to call you a fool…he doesnt love you!! he’s never gona change,run away