Dos & Do Nots for “Love in the Club”

Posted on Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014 at 1:07 PM

By Bim Akinmade

I recently went to a party with a girlfriend of mine. We are both single, thus we were dressed with the idea that we could potentially meet some nice guys in mind; modest yet alluring. When we entered, the room was sparsely occupied with some black guys standing around conversing. We sat down by a nearby table and before we even started talking were joined by a white guy who attempted to make some pointless chit-chat.

What he said was not at all interesting, but what did catch my attention was the confidence with which he made some of his statements, one clearly being that “I love black women”. I watched bemusedly as he rambled on and on about how black women are so attractive, ultimately ending with him offering to buy us some drinks. Although I was not in the least impressed with his futile efforts of making interesting conversation, I did respect the fact that this guy had even tried- I mean, here was a guy who knew what he wanted and had straight up gone for it, despite the fact that he was a minority white guy at a predominantly black party.

Looking around the room I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Black guys scattered around in clusters were throwing inquisitive glances in our direction, probably wondering what on earth this guy was saying to keep us engaged for so long, when really they should have been asking themselves why aren’t we making the effort to go and talk to these girls ourselves? Now believe me, I’m not blowing my trumpet and assuming that these guys were interested. It’s just that several of them gave us that ‘look’ that suggested that there was some sort of attraction, plus throughout the night when things got busy, we were bombarded by so many one can only wonder why they didn’t use their common sense and try to talk to us when we were less occupied.

I left that night feeling confused and maltreated, mulling over several questions in my head. I was hoping that some of you could help me answer them:

1. What is the right way to approach a girl at a party? I am pretty sure I know everything that I would hate for a guy to do, but how could he actually approach me in a way that he’d be warmly received?
2. What are the intentions of guys at parties? Am I too hopeful in thinking that a guy may actually approach me with more respectful intentions than a quick shag?
3. Why do guys no longer put in any effort? Is it because females have lowered their standards to the point that guys have learnt that they don’t need to make any effort to get what they want? Are the guys simply just scared of rejection? Or, do they assume that all girls in the party scene are unserious?

Regardless, men really need to start asking themselves: “do I treat women with the dignity and respect that they deserve?” Similarly, women need to ask themselves, do I conduct myself in a way that warrants respect? I found that the men that did muster the courage to approach me did it in such an abrasive and aggressive way that I literally had to fight my way out of the interactions; on numerous occasions they would throw out their arms like fishing nets and reel me in kicking and screaming. One guy in particular just wouldn’t take no for an answer. He begged and pleaded with me to dance with him, offering to buy me drinks and drop me home (1 hour’s drive) in exchange.

I normally find persistence attractive but this was to such an extreme that it became beyond PATHETIC. Whenever I would try and move away and reconnect with my friend, he would side-step in front of me, grabbing my arm and blocking me like some menacing thug; I had to use great force to pry my arm free from his ruthless grip. This disturbing experience made me want to inform the guys out there about some of the things they just SHOULD NOT do when interacting with girls.

I don’t know if it’s intoxication or excessive testosterone, regardless it is INEXCUSABLE:
- Whispering in her ear - This is way too intimate a thing to be doing to a girl you’ve just met. Only attempt if you are completely sure that she is comfortable with you.

- Firmly grabbing her by the arm or waist - This culture of aggressiveness is NOT cool and needs to stop. A real man wouldn’t dare touch the lady unless it was a gentle tap on the shoulder or you had her permission.

- Sneaking up from behind and grinding against her – This is plain nasty! And kind of perverted.

- Stepping in between her and her friend, blatantly ignoring the fact that another human being is present - This is STANK RUDE!

- Being over-persistent to the point that you are a FREAK STALKER – Learn to take no for an answer, after a while it just gets pathetic.

- Biting your lip and looking the girl up and down – Are you that inexperienced that you have never seen a women before? Or are you hungry and she looks like a piece of meat?

- Asking out both friends in front each other – At least have enough game to try this separately! Amateur.

Similarly, women here are some things that you SHOULD NOT do:

- Let a guy man handle you: You can appear jokey at first but make it known that you will not stand for such nonsense.

- Dress half-naked: I noticed that the girls wearing more clothes actually received more attention than the ones walking around naked.

- Dance like a hooker: Some girl’s hands were on the floor while her ass was high up in the air shaking like it had the fever. Let’s just say that she received attention but not of the good kind :s

- Leave your friend alone: Abandoning your friend in favour to dance with some guy is rude and can be quite upsetting. Friendship comes first so even if you do dance with someone else, make sure your friend isn’t lonely.

- Cling to your man all night if you are with him: One girl couldn’t seem to let her man go! All night she was forcing his arms around her waist and making random displays for attention. He didn’t seem too impressed.

Ladies don’t forget that you were somebody before you met him, so spend some time dancing by yourself and having fun independently – reminds him of the independent spirit he first met, plus it makes you seem less clingy.

Guys, I know approaching a girl can be difficult (especially as some of us do some serious Shakara), but please remember that we are women like your mothers and sisters, and all of us deserve to be appreciated and treated with respect. Girls, we say that we are ladies but do we conduct ourselves like them? Hardcore twerking in the club and dressing like strippers isn’t going to prompt a man to behave like a gentleman. Ultimately, know your worth and settle for nothing less.

Photo Credit: washingtonpost.com

___________________________________________________________________________
Bim Akinmade is a budding writer and Psychology graduate; raised in England but with hopes of one day returning to Nigeria. Communication is key, and she believes that the time is now for people to empower and encourage each other by sharing their experiences and beliefs. Bim recently completed her NYSC in 2012; a tumultuous journey with several twists and turns, all of which are documented in her blog. Follow her on Being Me 360  and on Twitter @Bimmykins2012 to engage in thought-provoking discussions and share your experiences on a vast array of topics.

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  • 80 Comments on “Dos & Do Nots for “Love in the Club””

    Comments
    • whocares January 22, 2014 at 1:34 PM

      Wow! where do you go to party?(I am assuming you have experience all these? No? If not no vex) Loool. Now not to be rude or anything, but you get what you dress for.. I have been out and while I get my fair share (more than fair.. ha ha ) of male attention, it has always been wanted. I don’t know how to explain it, but I do not get approached unless I expressly approve it.. I have had guys dance next to me, and if I don’t like them I ignore them, and if I do I turn and dance… They have never tried to push me, pull me or anything (not that I remember anyways) point is.. how do you dress, where do you go, and what vibes do you give off?
      When I was younger I would go anywhere, but now I am more discerning. I don’t just go to any club and if I get in there and I see it is not something I want, I usually leave eventually.. I am too old to continue being in these situations.. I don’t even enjoy clubbing anymore. I am only 24 but I worry something is wrong with me.
      PS: Am I the first to comment? :)

      • whocares January 22, 2014 at 2:11 PM

        actually… I should qualify this statement with some men have real problems and should be cautioned.. And men that don’t approach women, I don’t understand that either. Mostly I am too oblivious (and sometimes blind) to know or see if a guy is feeling me. But my solution to that is to always start a conversation with whomever I want to talk to. I always do that mostly because I don’t think the club (as opposed to say a cocktail bars etc) is a good place to meet someone so starting a convo or dancing with a guy I fancy never worries me as I know I wont be seeing him again. Nowadays, I don’t have patience for the “I like black women” white guy anymore.. The last one invited my friend and I to his hotel room *sigh*..

      • jcsgrl January 22, 2014 at 2:52 PM

        Nah nothing is wrong with you. I stopped clubbing at 21. This article completely justifies the reason I stopped clubbing. I like to be stepped up to correctly. Not in some loud ear drum splitting environment with stinky guys intoxified with alcohol breath grinding on you. Mba o! You need to come correct or don’t come at all. To club hoppers, more power to you!

      • Bim January 22, 2014 at 6:27 PM

        Would you believe that I was wearing leggings and a looong shirt, and my friend was wearing a dress with thick tights and boots. The only skin showing was on our arms. I definitely was not dressed for any kind of molestation :s

        • whocares January 22, 2014 at 6:57 PM

          I would. I did qualify my statement with the “some men have real problems” part. I realised how silly it sounded when I wrote that first bit, but the point is.. It is difficult to get people to not treat you like a piece of meat when firstly they are intoxicated, you are dressed well (there is no measurement for this.. tights and long shirt can make some people loose their head), and you are in an establishment that is for lack of a better word full of guys like Mr @Bims (the guy who commented towards the bottom of the page). So what I meant was.. Clubs are not the best choice for man spotting. You wont get a decent conversation out of it.. The best you can hope for is that the man is a good dancer who will teach you good dance steps. (my azonto has been fine tuned by men I have met whilst clubbing.. they were fantastic dancers!)

        • nike January 22, 2014 at 8:39 PM

          Your blog name bim.. please

    • Ohboy January 22, 2014 at 1:40 PM

      Lol at ‘Hardcore Twerking’ Seen that too many times.

      For me O it is the fear of rejection. I would have to be mad drunk to step to a girl in a club. I prefer strip clubs quite frankly because i don’t believe in paying for sex but at the same time i would like to be grinded on. Call me nasty, that is your problem. The fear of rejection is the beginning of wisdom. Was at a club in Wuse 2 close to Cairo street, was alone there and i had ordered a bottle of red wine. There was some chick that was really looking at me and i was looking at her but she had a friend with her and i just could not get myself to say hi. Painful stuff. I believe in a woman being able to step up to a guy, i think it is mad sexy.

      • Tusar January 22, 2014 at 2:07 PM

        LOL@ you believe in a woman stepping up to a guy. If that was the norm, would the ladies not also have to fear rejection like yourself?

        • Ohboy January 22, 2014 at 2:39 PM

          Na true you talk O!
          A brother can only dream sha.
          lol

      • Iyke January 22, 2014 at 2:32 PM

        you drink red wine in club?God have mercy.Step up your game dude.No wonder you end up talking trash.

        • Ohboy January 22, 2014 at 4:25 PM

          When if i take Henny or any kind of whiskey i have chest burn nko? Na you know O

        • AREA CODE January 22, 2014 at 7:20 PM

          @iyke bhuhahahahahaha wicked!

      • Nneks January 22, 2014 at 4:44 PM

        ‘I believe in a woman being able to step up to a guy, i think it is mad sexy.’….. Lmao it is not any mad sexy you believe it because you are insecure and can do it yourself……your type would be the same ones that would say ‘afterall i didn’t ask her out, she was the one that did’ once you are done with her…sigh…keep waiting and going to strip clubs…

        • memebaby January 22, 2014 at 9:35 PM

          you just got it! when fight comes, the guy start saying “after all i did not chase you , you chased me”. I rather lose an organ that approach a guy. AH! my stammering sef will know no bound lol

    • MGee January 22, 2014 at 1:48 PM

      Nice research!!! Well done gal. I am a first reader and i love this. U actually covered the basics. Cant wait for the next edition. cheers.

    • NaijaBorn_YankeeLivingBoBo January 22, 2014 at 1:50 PM

      Wow! Spot on. Great write up Bim! I literally laughed hard as I was reading this. Real talk: I feel both men and women front and play games you know. At the end of the day a man should approach a woman with respect, confidence, and let’s throw in a bit of swag and humor while we’re at it ;). Environment makes a difference too. Nothing wrong @ all with getting your 1-2 step on at a party from time to time, provided it’s not all rachet music the entire night. Ah, so much more to say but maybe later. BN Team: does this Ms Bin have a website? Or twirra? She’s on point! Keep ‘em coming Bim and don’t loose hope on us guys:) Awon correct guys still exist ot there, though limited it seems, but we are out chea nonetheless! Real men stand up, Boom!

    • NaijaBorn_YankeeLivingBoBo January 22, 2014 at 1:59 PM

      @ Ohboy: my guy, your orientation needs serious deliverance oh. If you continue to wait for women, you just may wait longer than you expect. That is, if you are looking for a quality women. HINT: **quality women tend not to be in the strip clubs you’re visiting ** – so my friend, I encourage you to stop wasting your hopefully hard earned funds in the strip club. Invest your money elsewhere, perhaps an empowerment seminar in the 1step of your reoreintation process. Many fine and quality women dey my broda. Put forth my effort, don’t be scurred and go for it! Worst a lady can do is say she’s not interested. Just don’t be rude or perverted when you approach a lady. Wishing u all the best!

      • Ohboy January 22, 2014 at 2:41 PM

        Hehehehe
        I am not looking for love in a strip club O! Justl looking to have some ladies with with more cahones than I to flirt with shamelessly. But thanks though.

        • Adea January 22, 2014 at 5:08 PM

          Most of the men i have been in relationships with…. i did the chasing. You find out out like you said that they are scared of being rejected.

    • Tusar January 22, 2014 at 2:05 PM

      I kind of agree with the ‘guys no longer put in any effort’ part. A friend of mine recently told me that a Naija guy she works with complained to her about me that I don’t smile or say ‘Hi’ to him whenever we see each other in the city, at events , in office buildings etc. He asked her what I was feeling like, that as fellow blacks in oyibo man’s country I should be saying ‘Hi’ to him when I see him.
      My response to her was, ‘did a cat bite his tongue’? Wetin stop am from saying ‘Hi’ to me if he wanted to? He shall keep waiting! I don’t feel obligated to greet anybody o! If you like be from the same village as me. Black, white, blue, red or yellow sef, if we’re walking past and our eyes meet and you smile at me or say ‘Hi’, I would do the same in return. No big deal. But each time I see this guy he always keeps a VERY straight face and just keeps staring at me. As if the dude is boning! So me sef I kukuma just keep walking. I had no idea this dude has been waiting for me to greet him first! He shall keep waiting! I have actually noticed this guy plenty of times as I think he is quite good looking. But after what my friend said, I so do not want to get to know him at all. There is nothing as unappealing as a guy who gossips or bad mouths a woman behind her back. Too childish for me biko.

      I am used to the kind of guys who will come straight up to me and say ‘Hello’.

      • Ashanti January 22, 2014 at 2:44 PM

        U better preach it!!!!

    • peyton January 22, 2014 at 2:14 PM

      @oh boy maybe if you just went to talk to the gal simple conversation it would have helped.I dnt mind meeting a guy and starrting a conversation I love meeting people but I would still prefer a guy was bold enough to see me and say hi I like that.I knw some ladies can really be mean but if a gal was looking at you and you were looking at her too chances are that she wants you to say hi and just be polite simple conversations.if a man cannot have a conversation with me iam out of there.as for meeting a guy in a club(personally I don’t go to clubs not my thing) I think one has to be careful because a guy whom you have bin bumping and grinding with might think laters afters mean let’s get down so caution there.

    • Eny January 22, 2014 at 2:24 PM

      Thank goodness! I tot i was the only one loosing my wits. I just dont get it. Many times i go to gatherings, the guys hang around themselves and drink beer and it ends up becoming a networking event for the ladies as i leave with lots of complimentary cards (Im not complaining. This has been great for business and i’ve made some good friends too). However, i have never gotten the fear of rejection at all and i most times feel these guys are intimidated by i dont know what!
      Finally, i cant stand a grown man trying to get to me through my family, friends, neighbours, colleagues… whoever! It is just a turn off for me!!! Act your age and walk up to me pleeeaaaaassssseeee….
      I dont bite and NO has never been said to kill anyone.
      Thanks.

      Phew (Needed to get that off my chest). Lol!

      • Ohboy January 22, 2014 at 2:45 PM

        Are you sure? If i walk up to you now you sure you wont blow me off. Experienced had taught a lot of guys to wait for chance encounters as it is their best shot. All that walking up to a beautiful stranger thing does not work for a lot of Nigerian ladies. Nigerian ladies in particular. I have walked up to a foreigner lost my nerve and she saw my effort and initiated the discussion till i was confident enough to lead. I would like to think i am very confident in every aspect of my life but when it comes to Ladies, Nigerian Ladies in particular its hard abeg.

        • Truth.. January 30, 2014 at 1:08 AM

          Can’t be that hard now. I like to give guys the benefit of doubt..I mean, I don’t believe every guy who takes my number is trying to toast me.

        • Feminist Nigeria March 17, 2014 at 7:07 PM

          Please go and work on your confidence. We are not always going to get a yes. sometimes you get a no. Does that mean you go and cry. Your insecurity is actually getting annoying.

      • Ashanti January 22, 2014 at 2:50 PM

        @Eny my sister God bless u for this….one family friend will text my sister what he want to text or tell me before eventually doing it. i found out the day my sister was showing me text message from my uncle, idk how my eyes went there and i read his text….i was pissed!!! i was speechless at first then i confronted my sister and she told me everything and showed me more texts and messages on her inbox in fb. i told my sister, next time tell him to talk to me directly cus u are not me, neither do u know my mind.

      • Miss Anonymous January 22, 2014 at 4:03 PM

        In the spirit of “walking up”, I went to the GTB ATM on Adetokunbo Ademola near 1004 in VI two saturdays ago. As I was walking back to my car this guy drove in and said “hi” and I smiled and replied. He walked back towards me as I was reversing and introduced himself as “Ayo” and asked if I lived around etc. I was kind of in a hurry as I needed to get to the supermarket before it closed, so I told him to drive behind me. Problem is I lost the dude in traffic!
        So Ayo if by any chance you read this….reply ;-)

        • Prinz Sharming January 22, 2014 at 7:05 PM

          Hey Miss Anonymous. Here I am. Your prince charming. Responding to your comment on BellaNaija. I knew you would come here to find me. Here I am.

        • Abbey January 22, 2014 at 7:33 PM

          I like this. Hope you will find Ayo

        • Eve82 January 23, 2014 at 3:43 AM

          To be continued…

        • That fine naija boy! February 4, 2014 at 9:20 AM

          lmao!!! “I lost him in traffic”……ROTFLMAO…. #washoflife
          keep jonsing yourself!
          Guy probably realized getting your digits wasn’t worth following you all the way to the supermarket for (unless he is a lame, thirsty dude) and made a B line #sonotthatserious!
          Here is the game youngblood, next time, when a correct dude steps to you, drop the bullshit pretense and the stupid “chase after me” game. Its so 1950s, there are mad options out there, so unless you are a super dime piece a la Halle Berry drop dead gorgeous, ain’t no man ’bout to chase your ass half way across the globe.

          A simple exchange of numbers when homeboy said hi will have prevented this “Desparately seeking Ayo” ad you are putting on here …lol!

    • linda January 22, 2014 at 2:27 PM

      thanks bim, i really enjoyed this column from the 1st para to the last.

    • Ohboy January 22, 2014 at 2:38 PM

      Na true you talk O!
      A brother can only dream sha.
      lol

    • Product of public Education January 22, 2014 at 2:39 PM

      Do people still do all these lol when is LIT party or rave.

    • Lamideeee January 22, 2014 at 2:42 PM

      hehe, i agree with the part of Naija men are no longer making any effort to toast a career babe o. I was just telling my colleagues that i will soon start toasting men when i see them o. ahn ahn which one now. I just met this hot guy and was crushing on him and hoping he wasn’t married. We exchanged numbers, we haven’t called each other, now i find out he is single and he doesn’t seem to get the gist. i am so tempted to call him and form conversation o…. choi, am i now desperate? loool

      • Tusar January 22, 2014 at 3:43 PM

        Give him a call and say you were just chilling, bored at home and was just flicking through your phone when you saw his number and decided to just give him a call. If he is a skilled brotha, even if he is not interested he should at least be able to take up the conversation from there. :-)

      • CarliforniaBawler January 22, 2014 at 6:12 PM

        Its easy to assume men are no longer making an effort until you meet one that actually does. Recently i caught myself tripping, checking up on some dude, forming conversation just so he can get the hint that i want to take our ‘friendship’ further….na so i meet one bobo in my apartment building who restored my faith not to sell myself short. He texts almost every other day (i work a lot so he can’t call). Even though i’m not attracted to him, and wouldn’t actually be in a relationship with him, i do appreciate his effort. And he sure reassures me that when a man likes you, he will let you know!!! Omo i have quickly freed the other Mr to do his own thing….if and whenever he’s ready he will let me know…Alubarika ni koko

        • Truth.. January 30, 2014 at 1:27 AM

          Gba sibe! I constantly remind myself too not to sell my self short,especially in this Yankee with serious men not in abundance. God help us…

    • N'josh January 22, 2014 at 2:47 PM

      lol

    • Grown Woman January 22, 2014 at 2:52 PM

      You are so right BIM lol some men can be so rude n nasty.You can always spot a gentleman n those jokey men lol i just give em an evil look bfre they even come near me.

    • Mz Socially Awkward... January 22, 2014 at 3:16 PM

      See, ehn, the reality of this matter is that a lot of men at those clubs don’t behave like normal, decent individuals in other settings outside the club, so how can one expect better etiquette once a few bottles of “odeku”/Veuve Clicquot have gotten involved and Iyanya is crooning “your waist, your waist, all I want is your waist” from the speakers?

      A friend of mine recently reported a conversation she had with some guy at work. She’s not Nigerian (she’s from Central Africa & well endowed, to put it mildly) but she works in a company where quite a few Nigerians are employed and this fellow apparently has been trying to toast her in his own crude fashion. Which led him to unleash this gem of a line upon her – “If they put both of us in one room, you’ll get pregnant, oh”. Said right out loud in a work setting. You know say our non-Naija sisters are more mellow than us, so instead of cussing him out, she just removed herself from the conversation (because if you take am go HR now, you go be winch wey don decide to pour sand inside his garri).

      This is the brief summary of how many of those men in the club think – it’s all about eyeing up scantily clad females gyrating on the dance floor and targeting which of them you’re taking home for the night. And if it’s a drunk oyibo chick, JACKPOT.

      • whocares January 22, 2014 at 3:42 PM

        LMAO. Iyanya your waist.. You have eloquently said what my tired brain and body could not say (I carried my head to an amateur boxing club yesterday.. I ache everywhere.. its all I can do not to lie down on my office floor and curl up in a ball of misery. )

      • Energybill January 23, 2014 at 1:54 PM

        Yeah drunk oyinbo chick JACKPOT till her eyes clear in the morning and she rings the police accusing you of rape.

    • Samantha January 22, 2014 at 3:45 PM

      Ohhhh Bim spot on! Sneaking up behind me and grinding….I cannot lay emphasis enough on how much I hate that & thank you Tusar, like I don’t bite, just walk up to me and say hello..I constantly have a smile on my because I don’t want seem like am rude and ‘ol.

    • Easy n Gentle January 22, 2014 at 4:11 PM

      @Eni, NO has killed a lot of people- inside!! I could never just walk up to a random girl at a party no matter how attractive i find her, i’m sorry!!! Planning the conversation in my head and all the things that can go wrong is enough for me to maintain my champion and stay in my corner. If i get lucky, something will bring you around to wherever i am, and i can attempt to make the remaining journey and start a convo… But to think i’d stand up from my seat, walk up to yours only to hear a NO is too much trouble; God will provide another one.

      @Tusar, seeing someone on a regular and saying Hi is not such a big deal. I think the guy is/was full of himself cuz of his goodlooks.

      I just believe in Chance meeting sha instead of intentionally walking up to a girl. Rejection in this case is less painful because you didnt have to do too much. It was just random

      • Eny January 22, 2014 at 9:36 PM

        The problem that brings the issue of rejection is that you walk up to a random girl already expecting her to say no. Have no expectations but HOPE she says yes! Trust me, that one positive thought will change your manner of approach already.

    • @Bim January 22, 2014 at 4:35 PM

      Bim, you no serious at all, Ode ni e sef.

      You talking about a club as if you talking bout a formal place.

      What do you think a club is for? Abeg park well. Anything can happen in a club and if you aint raw enough to go to clubs, get a speaker and dance in your room abeg. If you wan dey form your rules thingy, sit for your papa house jor and if you go club no wan rotate, go for one corner, no one will disturb you.

      People go to clubs to flex, relax, mingle…. its not an organized party for your kind abeg. You wonder why those runs girl are having their way, this is one of the reasons. They are easy to meet, approach, talk to and dance with.

      Dance! you think you in the church that your dance will be you alone, na only sneak and grind dey don do you? wait till they put something on you. Babes are so complicated, crying foul

      If you wanna be churchy, stay churchy; if you wana be cluby, woo omo yii you have to flow with what happens there. If not, stay in your house or go to organized events and stay outta clubs. When in Rome, u gotta act like a Roman!

      Too much rules!!! Life aint like that little girl. You better learn

      • @Bim January 22, 2014 at 4:38 PM

        And bout “whispering in your ears” when all the speakers are blasting, can you have a discussion with someone as if you in an enclosed place? if you dont put your mouth in the other person’s ears, they wont hear you.

        Seems you a learner

      • Mz Socially Awkward... January 22, 2014 at 4:44 PM

        Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present “Exhibit 1″ for your consideration.

      • Jane public January 22, 2014 at 4:47 PM

        and why should runs girls having their way be something any sane self respecting woman be upset with or even wonder why. I am happy you used the word EASY. Any woman who wants a man who runs girls are winning, or feels bad that guys are lusting after runs girls while she is losing out is sleeping on a palm tree. When you fall and break your neck, don’t come and cry. The men that chat up the runs girl can have them please. Did Bim tell you she was complaining or asking for some sort of decorum and appropriate behaviour is too much because her body was created just to be a plaything, free for all show. Some of you men with your level of self importance. Bim should descend to the level of a runs girl to have her way right? Please pass those words of wisdom to your daughters and sisters. Anuofia. A woman should have the option of going to a club and not be molested or be at the receiving end of lewd gutter trash behaviour. If you want to display that, biko find your level with the rest of the trash and keep your hands to yourself while you are at it.

        • Anne January 22, 2014 at 5:17 PM

          Couldn’t have said it better!!!!

      • whocares January 22, 2014 at 5:02 PM

        Aaannd this right here is what our Bims was talking about… Too “many” rules you say? I don’t see any rules up there, I see standards for decency, (something I am sure judging by the drivel you have written here) eludes you. Put something in her? Tell me, these behaviours you have listed, and the “rules” you have condemned, are these the things you want done to your female child? (if you have one, or should eventually have one)

        @ Ms SA.. Exhibit duly noted and rebuked.

      • CarliforniaBawler January 22, 2014 at 5:58 PM

        Sugenzin like you calling somebody ode on top wetin?? . So just coz you are not in church you can’t behave like a decent human being? Well to summarize @MissSA, the yoruba proverb says “a mad man can only display whatever he had lingering in his subconcious (while he was sane)” You sir do not come across as a decent person and even in church sef, i bet you are looking out for your runs girls, spreading their ministry to church, still scantily clad and shaking their asses for their maker….and the pastor….and the brothers too.
        On the flipside, me i have accepted the madness as a part of our culture so I don’t care to act right when i’m in the club…i never have (its like i have an alter ego when i’m out). I go out to dance and dance i surely shall. Hence, after a couple of drinks you might find me twerking (to the best of my abilities,lol). I have never expected to meet good men at the club and also don’t think good men come to the club to look for a ‘good girl’ like me. But the rules are different for parties sha….i agree with all of the above rules if we are talking house parties or birthday parties with friends….but clubs….the madness is kinda expected with mumus like the above commenter all over the place.

    • memebaby January 22, 2014 at 4:48 PM

      this article is on point!! being in diaspora and not in college anymore isn’t fun to me. Where to meet better guys in my new town has been crazy..I do not know how the clubs in nigeria function but the clubs I visit, one cannot really converse much and seems like everyone loves to grind these days! Personally I would love to dance to a nice song with a guy in front of me and not behind!! and not grind anyone!! I find grinding sometimes intimate and I don’t feel comfortable feeling a stranger’s penis close to my ass lol. I cannot take a guy in the club seriously. And yes, guys these days do not put in much effort anymore, although this was not addressed, I do not like when a guy texts me to go out on a date whats wrong if you pick your phone and dial my number ? or the ones that will just call you 30 to 15 mins to dress up and go out with them like I’m just looking pretty and waiting for them! sigh sometimes I think guys back home are better at the wooing game than the nigerian guys in my area or maybe I need to branch out and stop focusing on nigerian men only.

    • Nneks January 22, 2014 at 4:48 PM

      ‘I believe in a woman being able to step up to a guy, i think it is mad sexy.’….. Lmao it is not any mad sexy you believe it because you are insecure and can do it yourself……your type would be the same ones that would say ‘afterall i didn’t ask her out, she was the one that did’ once you are done with her…sigh…keep waiting and going to strip clubs…

    • Product of public Education January 22, 2014 at 5:06 PM

      Lol@MSA. But naija girl can form die! Even if you extremely polite and culture. Na so so posting. Immediately you started dating another girl and no more attention beef go start.

      Me am very straight fwd o!myou now that kind convo now. During the convo you will just throw in the line.. Please I don’t want your Bf to come and fight me o,!!!!! Lol correct babe will tell you straight away. Phase 2 lunch, movie n etc.

    • horlarbeecee January 22, 2014 at 5:46 PM

      OMG! Hilarious comments. I believe birds of a feather flock together.really respect guys that treat ladies wt all courtesy but the rude type get “lashed” either by word or action. It tit 4 tat shikena!

    • Grown Man January 22, 2014 at 6:20 PM

      LOL @ “her ass was high up in the air shaking like it had the fever. “

    • lorenz January 22, 2014 at 6:31 PM

      Lool at all the comments. The same guys you see at the clubs can behave nicely or decent as well, if you meet them in another setting. Personally, I’d only hit the club when i want to lust and nothing more; the music is so loud she probably wont hear half of what you’re saying. Anytime i want to have a really interesting, engaging, conversation with a woman I’d probably go to an art gallery, a museum, a fashion show, a stage play or jazz night e.t.c. At the club you mostly won’t find women who are intelligent enough to make you feel a bit stupid(and yes, i like to atleast learn something from a conversation) instead of having to break down everything I say. So my advice is, if you’re looking for a guy who’ll take you seriously, don’t hit the club. Just saying. They’ll always be exceptions though.

      • Miss tee January 23, 2014 at 7:55 AM

        I’m with you on this. I find intelligence crazy sexy
        mehn……. If I’m out with a guy and have to ask “what’s that?”
        once or twice and get an intelligent answer, I’m
        smitten!!!!

    • Bim January 22, 2014 at 6:57 PM

      @Lorenz thanks for the advice. I will most definitely be visiting those places in the future :)

    • Que January 22, 2014 at 7:27 PM

      Its a night/loud/dancing club…..d only rules dat apply r d rules for getting in. If one ain’t werking 4 u, go home or to d next one. Writing rule books for clubgoing is like writing a manual for a shopaholic hitting a mall….of course once d adrenaline kicks in, all bets r off! Even d gentlemen on d streets n in our offices turn to mad men on some nights out.
      Maybe be more picky bout d clubs u go to, n d pple u go wit. Personally wen I club its not for conversations…but rather to jump n shout n be happy, so it matters not who is watching or approaching, as long as u not raining on my parade, u welcome to join d parry!

      • No Long Thing January 22, 2014 at 8:22 PM

        This!

    • meeee January 22, 2014 at 9:38 PM

      OMG! This article sounds like I wrote it !!! All the above is my experience, HOUSTON people if you are reading, why do the guys just stare at parties but never approach you? Why do the short guys stalk girls to the parking lot? I hate walking down to my car in fear abeg, so please answers !

      • Ib January 26, 2014 at 6:16 AM

        Hahahaha…Hello HoustonTrue though.Date an oyibo my sister or better still someone outside Houston.

    • Frances Okoro January 23, 2014 at 12:27 AM

      loove love the tips, they are really needed for this generation but I am thinking;its a club ooo!
      What do we really expect from men in clubs? Even the decent ones that go there let loose and behave anyhow, these tips are ideal et al but won’t fly with club things.
      We who stand for decency can chose the places we go to where these tips can apply though. Think before you walk(that’s what my bro says)

      http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

    • RIRI-ROSE January 24, 2014 at 1:21 AM

      u hit a club and thr r zillions of women casting furtive
      glances around, sipping from their water bottles/wine glasses etc
      and the guys r busy gyrating with fellow guys …i just cant deal.
      Or a lady is having a ball, gyrating softly to the music and
      suddenly, a guy bull-dozes his way in front of her, busy doing the
      konko below and stepping on all her louboutin-clad toes(or in my
      case, comfy sneakers). warahell. Nicca, meet her while shez sitting
      or by herself, smile and introduce urself. Ask if u cld sit down
      next to her. Man up, and try to have a convo. If shez with friends,
      be nice to her friends and ask if u cld talk to her. if shez cold
      and non- communicative, smile and shrug it off. U cant win all.
      Leave her alone in her misery. As for moi, let him be wearing nice
      clothes, no gold chain or bling, biko. No sagging of pants, pls. Im
      a serious, fun loving nerd, whose glasses keeps sliding off her
      nose and not a 16 year old Belieber. Offer to buy me a drink and I
      will buy one straight back. Show me how to dubstep, imma teach u
      the moonwalk. Dont grab my waist or grind against me. Dont blow
      smoke in my face. Smile and imma smile back. Dont guzzle alcohol
      like its going outta style. dont glue ur eyes and fingers to ur bb
      or android device. i have one too but it is politely at home/my
      jeans pocket/my bag. when I go to the Ladies and im back, pls be
      waiting where I left you and not gyrating with another chick. So
      not cool. And when the night is over and im leaving, dont attempt
      to kiss me or corner me in a back alley. walk me to my
      cab/car/keke/pj/okada…say goodnite and i will give u a call(of
      course, by now, we shld hv exchanged nos)…..so u see guys, it is
      not rocket science. LOL.

      • No smart names January 24, 2014 at 11:16 AM

        @riri rose, yep it’s not rocket science, but I’m totally hopeless with science of any kind. So you could help me simplify things. By the way, I’m not shy, so this is me saying hi and asking to dance. Hehe

        • riri January 24, 2014 at 12:53 PM

          I hate science too. Flunked it in school. Lol. But really, these things r easy. 1st step, approach a girl and just say hi. If u r easy on d eye and can make intelligent talk, chances r thr’ll definitely be a green light. *wink*…take it from there

    • Donthavetimeforrubbish. January 24, 2014 at 3:23 AM

      Well well well!!…Miss Bim, listen very attentively In
      your write up you said that the guys at the party were staring at
      you and ur lady friend, this is perfectly natural for guys, cos we
      have to survey and analyse what we are dealing with. To answer your
      first question,I will admit, a lot of men lack the confidence to
      approach,and most are thinking too hard, especially at
      parties,however each guy has his own approach that works for
      him….take me for instance,if I was the party ,as soon as I walked
      in I noticed all the guys staring, my own method would be to walk
      up and ask u and ur ladyfriend nicely wat you told them or did,
      that is making them stare!..worst case, you don’t ansa me and i
      move on to have a beer with the staring chaps. As for intentions,
      if its in the club…don’t expect much aside from the grabbing and
      squeezing of ur posterior bits, bcos in the club the average guy
      has assumed that a majority of girls in the club are bad girls ,
      call girls, or runs girls .Its kinda like there is an unwritten
      rule among guys that you can’t find a “good girl” in the club..cos
      on Friday nights majority of all the good girls are at a Prophetic
      night vigil or in their father’s house. Finally, as to why Nigerian
      men aren’t putting in an effort?..let me just say that many factors
      are to blame,embarrassment of rejection, shyness,lack of “game”…
      I also think that cos you ladies outnumber us, and guys know
      this,armed with this knowledge that we have millions upon millions
      of girls out there that are looking for a “correct man”, tell me
      why I should put in an effort?..However some girls are still
      keeping guys on their toes. Like the girl who i’m tripping for now,
      she does not take shit from anybody, not even me,that she has
      totally tripped for :) and believe you me, she is making me put in
      effort.

    • riri January 24, 2014 at 12:54 PM

      I hate science too. Flunked it in school. Lol. But really, these things r easy. 1st step, approach a girl and just say hi. If u r easy on d eye and can make intelligent talk, chances r thr’ll definitely be a green light. *wink*…take it from there

      • no smart names February 11, 2014 at 12:32 PM

        that shouldn’t be a problem, but ermm… where is the green light nau, there’s ‘playing hard to get traffic every where, even on the pedestrian lane. hoho.

        • Riri-Rose March 27, 2014 at 7:03 PM

          Hey, will u see this reply after all this while. I hope u do. The Green Light is eerywhere may the odds be in ur favour. . Lol

        • RIRI-ROSE March 28, 2014 at 12:02 AM

          That shouldnt be a problem? That means you are easy on the eye and can make intelligent convo? Hmmmm. No smart names….*grins*

    • Miss Mosi January 25, 2014 at 5:36 PM

      @riri u tuk the word straight out of my mouth
      nicee

    • miss feranmi January 28, 2014 at 4:29 PM

      mmmmmm but its very annoying when,guys refused to take NO as an anwer…loz

    • Truth.. January 30, 2014 at 1:15 AM

      Can’t be that hard now. I like to give guys the benefit of doubt..I mean, I don’t believe every guy who takes my number is trying to toast me.

    • kittykat February 1, 2014 at 12:06 PM

      I think all these rules r unnecessary. Just go out n have fun don’t look for love. Ladies should feel free to twerk if they want to and wear what they like. I like going out with friends that no how to party too and will not need me to sit next to them all night. If you go out party hard and be prepared to have a blast you will normally meet interesting ppl both male and female and you will also meet men that are on your wavelength. I think girls that are overly prissy sitting down gossiping n complaining are usually the ones overlooked so live a little n let your hair down

    • Bim February 19, 2014 at 3:52 PM

      @Nike, so soz for the late response. My blog is beingme360.wordpress.com